Conversations

For some reason, I decided that I wanted to write a conversation between Naruto and everyone's favourite psycho demon fox. Perhaps I need therapy...

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"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing! God..."

"Don't lie, I feel everything you feel, idiot. I know something's up,"

"Just...it's nothing, seriously. Don't worry about it..."

"Naruto. Tell me."

"NO!"

"Tell me or I'll kill you."

"I won't!"

"NOW!

"Ugh...fine...it's just Sasuke..."

"Again?"

"Hey, you're the one who fucking asked...Goddamn fox..."

"Say that again, boy,"

"Nevermind...anyway he's just...argh, I dunno..."

"You've gotta stop angsting over this guy..."

"I know. But he's always thinking he's better than me and stuff and it's NOT TRUE!!"

"Naruto, remember what I said last time you came to me with your Sasuke troubles?"

"You told me to fuck off and let you sleep."

"Yeah, I mean before that."

"Uhh...I can't remember..."

"See! How the hell can I help you if you don't ever listen?"

"But I do listen! You just tell me stuff in a way that's hard to remember..."

"You're blaming me?"

"Yes! It's all your fault!"

"Shut your trap, boy! It's not like I asked to be stuck with you. Believe me, if I had my way, I'd be off tormenting somewhere...damn that Hokage of yours..."

"Hey! Don't you dare curse him! He died to save my village because of you, you freak!"

"Whatever, are you gonna keep talking or can I go back to ignoring you?"

"Um...well, you see..."

"Lemme guess...you challenged him again and he either A. - ignored you or B. - won against you. Which is it?"

"He fucking thinks he's too special for anything! Brushing me off like that...what an asshole..."

"So he ignored you..."

"Yeah...how can I get him to notice me?"

"I'll tell ya what'd make him sit up and take notice, boy. Just lemme out for five minutes and I swear, he'll never leave you alone-"

"NO! Don't try that shit with me again!"

"Aww, c'mon-"

"I said no, fucker!"

"Fine! Not like I wanted out anyway..."

"Well...can you suggest anything else? Nothing that involves genocide if that's not too much trouble."

"Hmm...well, I dunno. What was the name of that guy...the blond...with the hands..."

"Uhh...Deidara or something I think...why?"

"Oh I don't know. I was just wondering what he was up to..."

"What, you wanna hang out with him or something?"

"It'd beat staying locked up with you 24/7..."

"Stop going off subject! Are you gonna help me or not?"

"Not."

"C'mon! Stop being all difficult and stuff!"

"You're a real pain in the ass, you know that?"

"Feeling's mutual, asshole... Hurry up and help me."

"What's the problem again?"

"Uhh...I need Sasuke to notice me."

"Right. Well, just go and visit him one night, alone. And tell him you need to borrow a cup of sugar."

"What?"

"He'll have no choice but to notice you if you're alone, right? Especially late at night. And then when he goes to get the sugar, kick his ass."

"That's the worst plan ever."

"Got anything better, boy?"

"No! But I thought you would have! You suck, y'know that?"

"I don't fucking get you, kid. You come to me for advice, then ridicule me over it? Do you even think?"

"Shut up...so all I have to do is go over at night?"

"Yep. Try and wear something nice. It'd be even better if you washed, you know."

"Really? Hmm...okay, I'll do it tonight then."

"Okay, just try not to wake me up, alright?"

"Why? I might need you."

"I'm not so sure..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Listen! Just shut up and go get ready. Make yourself look better than ever, better than you ever think you could look. And when you're talking to him, lower your voice and touch him a lot, okay?"

"Why?"

"It's an ancient primal war call. When two alpha males wanted to fight, they would dress up nice and talk civilly in warm, pleasing tones. And if you really wanna beat him, you'll touch him as much as you can without actually fighting, understand?"

"Wow, this ancient thing sounds cool! What's it called?"

"Erm...I think it's called seduction or something, but don't hold me to it."

"Cool! I'm gonna seduce Sasuke! Did I say that right?"

"Yes. Yes you did, boy."

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Can you believe I don't even have Word?! Man, WordPad sucks...doesn't even do italics right so I had to HTML them myself...

xxx