Mr. Bad Sex

New story =]
It might be missing commas and crap or have grammar mistakes but oh well.
Enjoy!=D

"Dialogue"
'ThoughtS'
'Quoted things'
Past memories
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“Naruto I want you inside of me, please do it now!” Panted a brunette with two red triangles on his cheeks.

“I can’t.” Said Naruto with a weird look on his face.

“Why not?” Asked the confused brunette.

“Umm I have to take a dump.” Said the smiling blonde.

“You what!” Screamed the angry brunette.

“I said I have to-” Said Naruto being cut-off by the brunette.

“I know what you said, GET OUT!!” Screamed a very infuriated brunette.

“What? But then where am I supposed to take a dump?” Asked the dumb blonde.

“GET OUT NOW!!” Said the very angered brunette.

It was official. Naruto was the worst person to ever have sex with.

He did not know why. Was it a curse? Was it him? Was it bad luck?

He never seemed to get the answer to this question.

Just once he wanted to have a night with good sex, but no. He had no luck at all.

He was now in front of a red brick house naked.

He watched silently as all of his clothes were currently being thrown out the window.

He grabbed them quickly, and decided to take a dump on the front step and leave it as a little present.

He slipped into his orange underwear quickly and hopped into his navy blue car.

On the way home he thought about taking a nice long shower, and forget this had all happened.

He also thought he should rest up since there was school the following day.

He arrived home. He walked by his uncle Jiraiya who was with another local slut like he was every time he was home. Luckily this time he had already finished fucking.

“Oho, your home Naruto! Now you can help me dress this woman up again.” Said the white-haired man.

“No Jiraiya, I have things to think about.” Said the blonde seriously.

“You mean jerk-off don’t you? What’s wrong bad sex again?” Said Jiraiya with a giant smirk on his face.

“And you ask why I hate you. No I’m not going to jerk-off. I’m going to take a shower and go to bed, there’s school tomorrow you freaking old pervert.” Answered the blonde seriously with some sadistic features on his tanned face.

After the blonde answered he headed up the stairs. He entered inside his room, grabbed his towel, and walked towards the bathroom in his room. What did you really think he was going to share a bathroom with his uncle?
Thank God all the rooms in the house had bathrooms in it!

Naruto thought about taking a shower, but decided on taking a bath to calm him. He turned on the faucet, and heard a knock on the door. The door was opened and it was Jiraiya.

“Sorry about the little joke. But here you might need this it always helps calm my nerves.” Said Jiraiya.

He handed him a bottle and left. The bottle was strawberry scented bubble bath soap.

He smelled it and poured some into the tub.

‘Yum this smells good.’ Thought Naruto to himself.

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Far off in some place no one knows about.....

"We have found a new body for you."

"Yes."

"You do know what your duty is right?"

"Yes."

"Okay then we will now give you your info and a picture of your new self. We think you will be very happy with your new body."

A pale man with long straight hair and a pale teenage boy with raven kind hair walked along side each other. Although they seemed to be human they were transparent, almost as if they were some kind of spirits.

"Sasuke-kun remember your former self and parents?" Asked the pale man.

"Yes Orochimaru-san." Answered the raven-haired teenager.

"Well do you remember how you were a very wealthy boy?"

"Yes Orochimaru-san."

They now entered a big room with a large desk in middle. Orochimaru took his seat in the head of the desk and Sasuke took a seat facing Orochimaru.

"Remember how they made a clone of you, well this new body you are inhabiting is a clone of your former self. He is now moving to a town where no one knows him and that's where you will come in. You make your own life, he will also be attending a new school. Make sure you complete your task. Since I want to be generous I will give you two months instead of the usual one month. Said Orochimaru finishing his last sentence with licking his lips with a strangely long tongue.

"Yes Orochimaru-san."

"Okay then you may take your leave." Said the snake-like man.

"Yes I will." Said the raven closing the door on his way out.

*

Uchiha Sasuke once a wealthy teenager, now a body-less soul in search of true love. It all happened when his brother Itachi began acting strange. One day Sasuke had just arrived from school and he heard a scream coming from inside his house. He smelled a strong aroma of smoke so he decided to take a look inside. When he entered there were flames in every direction. He went to take a deeper look at the rest of the house searching for where the screams were coming from. He used the screams as a guide to lead him the way. With all the smoke it made it almost impossible for him to see anything clearly. He arrived at his parent's room seeing his mother on her knees screaming and vulnerable. A few feet away from his mother his father's body lay burning into ashes. Itachi was there in front of their mother holding out a match and flaming a trail of gasoline leading up to his mother. Sasuke stood scared tears forming in his eyes. Itachi soon noticed him in the doorway and Sasuke ran. He ran to the front door but it was blocked by flaming pieces of fallen house. He turned around but Itachi was right behind him. There was no way out.

"Sasuke my dear otouto I am going to kill you and me. But I and you are not going to die the way our misfortunate parents died. We are going to have a special death." Itachi said almost as if what he were saying was normal.

Sasuke looked at him terrified speechless and with many things to say.

"No otouto we are going to die a death caused with poisoned katanas." Said Itachi pulling out two poisoned katanas.

Itachi stabbed the poisoned katanas through his and Sasuke's heart. They both dropped to their knees and fell on the ground.

"Itachi why." Sasuke managed to breathe out.

"Because otouto I love you." Answered Itachi.

They both died almost instantly after that. After they died the house finished burning down. It’s burning down set the rest of the Uchiha neighborhood on fire. The reason for that being was because Itachi had covered the neighborhood with gasoline. Every member of the Uchiha clan died along with everyone else in the neighborhood.

*

The clone of Uchiha Sasuke was currently attending a boarding school. Although he was basically a part of the Uchiha high school, he was kept as far away as possible. He found out about his ‘family’s’ tragic death. He was depressed when he found out no one would be paying for his tuition. He was more depressed when he found out his original was gone too. Although they didn’t live together they were very close. They would talk on the phone and IM each other on the internet. It was like being each other’s twin brothers. He was kept on a scholarship for a year but was then a year later dropped for failing a class. Now he is going to a place called Konohagakure and finish his other years of high school.

That is where the original comes in. Now in a new town knowing no one he will work to support himself while finishing school.

‘So this is where I’m going to live. It’s not bad for a two room apartment.’ thought Sasuke to himself as he stepped into his new apartment.

‘I wonder how much cash I have, I look too plain.’ The raven thought to himself as he looked in the mirror.

He went up the twisted staircases leading him to the rooms located upstairs. He then looked at the two bedrooms and wondered why the clone had picked out a two bedroom house instead of a one room. He brushed it off for now and picked out his bedroom. He liked the one with the comfy king-sized bed.

He then decided to take a tour of his house later. He had things to do around town. Tomorrow was his first day of school in a new school. Well even he was going on a Tuesday, he didn’t mind. He just hoped the girls there wouldn’t be freaks like at his old school.

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“Naruto! Hey baby do you want to do something fun afterschool?” A pink haired annoying girl asked Naruto.

‘Ugh why does this bitch always bother me, I mean she must be a slut or something because I had bad sex with her and she’s still all over me.' Thought the angered blonde to himself.

“So do you Naruto?” asked the girl again.

“I’ll think about it babes, catch you later.” answered the blonde winking afterwards.

He lied. Of course he did. It would be the last thing on his mind. He kept on walking through the hallway to get to his next class when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find Kiba.

“Umm hey Naruto.” Said the brunette.

“Oh hey Kiba what’s up?” Said Naruto unsurely.

“Umm sorry about yesterday, but umm I don’t know if it was really necessary to leave that ‘present’ on my front step.” Said Kiba.

“Well you didn’t have to kick me out, but I guess it’s all good.” Said Naruto chuckling a bit.

“Well I’ll see you around then Naruto since we have class together last period.” Said the brunette.

Soft barking was heard from under Kiba’s grey jacket. A white puppy appeared after and licked Kiba’s face. Naruto snickered.

“Akamaru the deal was to stay under my jacket if you wanted to come to school with me!” Shouted the dog lover to his little puppy.

“You never change Dog Boy.” Said Naruto walking away from the brunette and walking towards his next class.

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“Ooh spicy. I would so hit that. I just love my work, but honey you sexiness surpasses my work. Bye love, come back soon.” Said the beauty stylist to Sasuke.

“Okay thanks.” Said Sasuke to the guy.

Sasuke stepped out the door with his shopping bags. (Yes his shopping bags he went shopping for clothes=D)

‘Okay one more thing on my list to do and I’m done.’ Thought Sasuke to himself.

Sasuke walked down the streets of Konoha looking for the body piercing and tattoo shop located just a few blocks away. He like walking through these streets. It was nice being outside on such a beautiful day.
It made him feel almost like an optimistic person. He kept on walking down the streets when he turned to a right. He walked a bit more and entered the shop. He was going to get something his body was missing. Something he had before on his old real body. A tattoo. One on his back near his shoulder. It was a pretty small tattoo. It was a little triangle thing. The triangle was made up of three comma like things. It was a tattoo his family made him get when he was young. He then added a circle around it. It was kind of squiggly with pointy things. (A/N Umm I didn’t know how to describe it that much it words so sorry =]) He called it a curse seal. He also wanted to get his nipples pierced. He thought it was sexy. He loved sexy things.

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Naruto talked to Kiba the last period. They held hands for a bit while they talked about things. The teacher was known for coming late all the time. He came a bit earlier than usual but only to say they had a free period because he had things to do. Hatake Kakashi was a pretty good teacher. Naruto and Kiba talked a lot in the period. When class ended they kissed in the hall. Kiba left after that and Naruto stayed because the principal Tsunade had wanted to talk to him. He entered the office and sat down on a chair.

“Naruto, I have a favor to ask of you.” Said the blonde principal.

“What do you need Tsunade-baa-sama?” Asked Naruto.

“Well you see, tomorrow a new transfer student will be coming in tomorrow. I need you to show him
around and get him used to this school. His name is Uchiha Sasuke.” Said Tsunade.

“Why did you pick me for this though?” Asked the blonde teen.

“Because your friendly and you make friends fast. Also because I know you would do this good favor for
your Aunt Tsunade.” Answered the blonde’s aunt.

“Okay I’ll do.” Answered Naruto

“Thank you. You can go now. Take care.” Said Tsunade.

“You’re welcome. You take care too.” Said Naruto.

Naruto stood up and left the office. He wondered what the boy would look like. He wondered if he would
be nice.

“Uchiha Sasuke.” Said Naruto to himself.

He left the school and headed towards the parking lot to his car. He was going to go shopping for new clothes and get a tattoo.

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So what did you guys think?
I know I’m supposed to be finishing
Blonde Bartender but I will…later.
I started it but I sort of got stuck on a
sentence. Well, you can just say
I got stuck on it purposely. Yea I’ve been
very lazy. PLEASE REVIEW!! Thanks =]