What a Romp in the Hospital Can Lead to

Author’s Note: This is a new fiction couple for me. I’d have posted this on FF.net but I’m having a bit of trouble posting it there (maybe it's just my connection). Plus, this fic is going to be filled with lemon-y goodness anyway. Heh. Anyway, if you guys can figure out the mystery man before the end of this chapter, then kudos for you!

Title: What a Romp in the Hospital Can Lead To

Summary: (Completely AU) One night of passion could lead to a whole lot of chaos, including rampaging teammates, brokenhearted admirers, a surprisingly possessive ANBU captain and sometimes. . . even marriage.

Warning: This story is posted on AFF.net for a reason, people. So fair warning: LOTS and LOTS of sex.

Read, enjoy and review. Please and thank you.

---

Chapter 1: Virginity

“I lost my virginity last night,” Haruno Sakura announced simply.

Unswallowed beer sprayed out of Uzumaki Naruto’s mouth as soon as the words sunk in. The blonde received a sharp thwack to the head as Uchiha Sasuke wiped the stain from his face even as he stared, wide-eyed, at the only female member of their team. Even their former instructor and now team leader had lowered his book from his masked face and goggled at whom he considered a sister—and therefore, untouchable.

Sakura looked at the shocked faces of her friends and lifted an eyebrow. “What?” she asked. “You guys talk about sex all the time. Why can’t I?”

“You—Sakura-chan—you—when—you . . .” Naruto sputtered, his mouth closing and opening like a fish.

She rolled her eyes. “Look, you three are the only men I can talk to about this and I need to have a man’s opinion.” She shot them a deadly glare. “I need to talk about this, you hear?”

They nodded quickly.

“Good,” she said, satisfied. “So say you slept with this girl and you didn’t know she was a virgin until, well, you know . . .”

Naruto blanched, Kakashi’s shoulders stiffened and while Sasuke’s expression remained stoic, his dark eyes clearly stated that he knew but he didn’t want to know when it came to her.

Sakura, on the other, continued as if she didn’t notice their reaction. “. . . after all, this girl’s been running around with three men—all of whom are extreme bachelors, I might add—since she was twelve and there have been rumors. You really didn’t expect her to be a virgin.”

It was at that moment that her blonde friend chose to finally found his voice. “Who the hell took advantage of you?” he practically roared.

Thankfully, the bar was too noisy for people to notice him. Instead of knocking him off his ass—as she was prone to do—Sakura merely snorted. “Shyeah. Like I’m going to tell you guys who he is. You beat up my first kiss, remember?”

“Kiba had fleas!” Naruto exclaimed.

Sasuke cleared his throat, drawing her attention to him. “If he’s that easy to beat up, then he doesn’t deserve you,” he stated matter-of-factly, to which Naruto nodded vigorously.

“Hah! You’ll never be able to beat this guy up. He’s AN—” Sakura clamped her mouth shut before she gave too much information away.

Unfortunately, her teammates were sharp. Sasuke lifted an eyebrow. “He’s ANBU? You slept with an ANBU?” His dark brows drew into a straight line. “It wasn’t Hyuuga was it?”

“No!” Sakura protested instantly. “It’s not Neji and even if it were, he could still kick your asses!” she defended the Hyuuga, who had, surprisingly enough, become a good friend.

Sasuke scoffed and Naruto snorted. “Shyeah,” the blonde muttered. He frowned. “Is it anyone from my squad? Or Sasuke’s? Cause if it is, we’ll tear him—”

“It’s not anyone from your squads and that’s not the point!” Sakura snapped angrily. “Can we pretend for five seconds that neither of you boneheads have a crazy-protective complex and focus on the fact that the guy I lost my virginity to is now absolutely ignoring me!”

Both Naruto and Sasuke remained mute, their mouths drawn into stubborn lines. Finally, Kakashi sighed, long and loud, and asked, “Was the sex good?”

“Damn it, old man!” Sasuke growled while Naruto hissed, “You pervert!”

Sakura smiled dreamily, her annoyance forgotten as she recalled last night. “Oh, yes,” she breathed in such a tone that all three of the men stayed silent as they looked at her. “You know,” she began, “you read about it, you hear about it, heck, I even had to study it during my kunoichi and medical training but I never thought it’d be . . . like that.” The pink-haired beauty giggled. “I’m surprised I can actually walk straight right now. I think I even saw the light. I came so many times—”

“Er, I don’t I need the details, Sakura,” Kakashi interrupted, glancing at Sasuke and Naruto. Both had decidedly sickly pallor, while Naruto kept whispering under his breath and slapping his own head.

“So what went wrong, Kakashi?” Sakura whined. “I had a good time and I know he had a good time—in fact we had five good times—”

“In a night?” Kakashi asked, impressed when Sakura nodded.

“I think I’m gonna puke,” Naruto declared.

Sakura ignored him. “So obviously he liked me—or at least my body. Kami, he certainly showed his appreciation—”

“Shit, Sakura,” Sasuke muttered, rubbing his temples.

“But when I woke up, he’d already left!” she ranted. “No kiss, no goodbyes, no note—he even folded my clothes for me! And I saw him only once today and he walked by me as if nothing happened. Nothing!”

“Were you drunk?” Naruto demanded. “Is that what happened? Did he get you drunk? Damn it, was it Genma?”

“Oh, grow up, Naruto. It’s not Genma. And for your information, we were both stone-cold sober. No one took advantage on anyone.” Sakura paused and chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. “Well . . . maybe I did.”

“What?” Naruto sprang to his feet.

“Sit down, baka!” she hissed, aware that they had drawn some of the other customers’ attention. When Naruto finally sat down, muttering “This is a nightmare” repeatedly, Sakura continued. “He’d just gotten back from a mission. I was cleaning his wound and well, one thing led to another . . .” She shrugged.

“You had sex in the hospital!” Naruto exclaimed.

This time, she did hit him. “Be quite, dumbass,” she snapped. “Why don’t you just put in the papers? That’ll make it easier for everyone to know!”

“But, Sakura-chaaaan!” Naruto whined, rubbing his throbbing head.

Kakashi chuckled beneath his mask. “Sex in the hospital, huh?” His one exposed eye crinkled with humor. “You’ve been going through my books again, haven’t you?”

Sakura blushed, but Sasuke turned to scowl at him. “Aren’t you even a little bit disturbed by this?” he demanded.

“I am,” Kakashi replied calmly. “If I knew beforehand I’d probably tear this mysterious guy a new one—or almost be foaming at the mouth the way Naruto is. But it’s already happened, Sasuke. What do you want me to do? Sow her hymen back?”

“Hatake Kakashi!” Sakura cheeks became blood red.

“A bit too late to be blushing, Sakura,” her former instructor reminded her. He turned to the other members of their team. “Look, the barn door’s already been opened. The least we can do now is help her out with the situation.”

“We can always find who the guy is and beat the shit out of him,” Naruto suggested, earning him a dark scowl from Sakura. “Jeez,” he responded to the look, “have you been practicing with Sasuke?”

“We’ll bear that in mind, Naruto,” Kakashi interjected before an argument erupted. “Anyone else?”

Sasuke folded his hands together over his muscled stomach and leaned in his seat. “Maybe it was just a one-night stand.”

Naruto once again jumped to his feet. “Then this fucker took advantage of Sakura! I say we kick his fucking ass!” he declared vehemently.

“Very eloquent, dobe,” Sasuke drawled sarcastically. He grabbed his friend’s shirt. “Sit your stupid ass down and listen first.”

Kakashi sighed and glanced at Sakura, who was biting her lip, green eyes downcast. “You did know that was a possibility right, Sakura?”

She nodded slowly. “I had thought about it, but he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy, you know.” She ran her fingers through her hair and shrugged one shoulder. “But then again, there’s not much I really know about him.”

“You slept with a stranger?” Naruto asked in disbelief. Even Kakashi looked surprised.

“He’s not really a stranger,” Sakura insisted. “I do know him, just . . . not that well. He’s not the talking type, you know. He’s the quiet, mysterious type.”

“Shit, you didn’t sleep with Sasuke, did you?” Naruto wondered out loud, his mouth twisted in disgust.

“Shut up, moron,” Sasuke hissed, slapping the back of his head.

“Of course I didn’t sleep with Sasuke,” Sakura answered with a roll of her eyes. “I gave up on him years ago.”

Naruto shot Sasuke a smug smile. “Heh, missed your chance, teme.”

Sasuke flipped him the finger.

Sakura glared at both of them. “Boys, can we focus a bit on me here?” She nibbled on her inner cheek. “I know it does look like a one-night stand, but he doesn’t seem the type. But then again, I don’t really know him. But then again, I think I know enough about him to think so. But he could be one of those discrete type of men and we never spoke much to each other. He’s always been so quiet. And I can’t say that we’ve been friends—we didn’t even grew up together. He’s older—”

“Aha!” Naruto raised his hand triumphantly. “So he’s not our age!”

“That is what older means, dimwit,” Sasuke said. “What I want to know is how many years older. Like Kakashi old?”

“Ewww.” Naruto scrunched his nose.

“What’s wrong with my age?” Kakashi questioned. “And that’s not really the point. You two should stop trying to figure out who this guy is and start helping Sakura out. Look at her, she’s having a conversation with herself.”

The three men turned to their female friend; she was mumbling under her breath, shaking her head every once in a while.

“And they say I’m the crazy one,” Naruto remarked.

Sasuke cuffed him again.

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, gaining her attention. “Do you think it was because you were, uh, a virgin?”

“I told you. We had sex five times last—”

“Men don’t touch virgins unless they’re looking for marriage,” Sasuke told her bluntly.

Green eyes widened. “What?” Sakura gasped.

To her surprise, Naruto nodded and said, “It’s true.”

“Sakura,” Sasuke said, “shinobi—especially male shinobi—live on the Three F’s: fight, food, fuck. Honestly, I love to fight. I eat because its necessary and yeah, I like to fuck. It releases stress.”

“Then you haven’t fucked enough,” Sakura commented smartly.

“Haha, good one, Sakura-chan!” Naruto laughed.

Sasuke scowled. “Regardless,” he continued in a firm tone, “when I sleep with a woman, I make sure she’s an experienced woman. I don’t touch virgins.”

The pink-haired medic nin frowned as she looked at her other two friends. “And you two feel the same way?”

They nodded.

“Do most men share your opinions?” Sakura wanted to know.

Again, her male companions nodded.

“Virgins are no-man’s land,” Naruto declared sagely.

Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly. “Untouched women are a bit more complicated.”

“Then how the hell did all these experienced women lose their virginity in the first place?” Sakura nearly shouted.

“Life can be very mysterious sometimes,” Kakashi said drolly.

“Funny. Is a fist to your face just as funny?”

Kakashi was not intimidated. “Listen, sweetie, there’s nothing bad about being a virgin. In fact, it’s admirable. But women who manage to stay pure until adulthood are usually are because they have certain ideas about marriage and commitment—”

“I don’t,” Sakura told him. “At least, I didn’t—I just couldn’t find the right time.”

“No, you just couldn’t find the right person,” Kakashi corrected gently. “You weren’t looking for marriage, but you were looking for something a bit more substantial than a one-night stand. That doesn’t make you a prude, Sakura. In fact, it’s a nod to your character that you don’t spend your nights trolling bars looking for a quick lay. But a lot of people don’t share the same values. Especially not shinobi. We know how short life can be so we—”

“Might as well fuck as much as we can before we die,” Sasuke finished.

Sakura’s eyes narrowed. “Must you be so crude?”

“Fuck yes,” he answered with a smirk.

“So my guy made an about-face the moment he woke up in the morning and realized he’d had sex with a virgin?” the medic-nin asked.

“Maybe” “Yeah” “I would” were the replies she received. She kicked Sasuke’s shin for his answer.

“Men are idiots! And they’re bloody bastards, too!” Bristling with rage, Sakura reached for her untouched mug of beer and downed it in one shot. Stomach burning, head slightly spinning, she glared at her three idiots. “I’m going to get pissing drunk tonight and you guys better be paying!”

They groaned quietly. Sakura hadn’t merely learned medical and fighting skills from Tsunade—she could also drink like the legendary Sannin, too. And that meant that Kakashi, Sasuke and Naruto were going to have to reach deep within their pockets tonight.

---

“I shoulda just slept with one of you,” Sakura slurred against Sasuke’s shoulder. “I’m sure Kakashi woulda done just nice.”

“Oh?” Kakashi’s voice was amused as he lowered his book and glanced at Sakura. “You would’ve picked me?”

“Mmmm-hmmm,” the pink-haired beauty replied sleepily. “Naruto woulda made a big deal out of it and Sasuke . . . is Sasuke. But you woulda be perfect, Kakashi. Plus, the way the girls talk about you . . .”

“What do they say?” the silver-haired jounin asked curiously.

“Don’t encourage her, pervert,” Sasuke hissed as he shifted Sakura higher on his back. “And Naruto, try to fucking walk, will you?”

The blonde turned to retort, then promptly stumbled. Halfway through watching Sakura’s drinking binge, he’d decided that it would be fun to join in. Of course, Naruto had always been the weakest drinker among the four and had already been dancing and singing on the bar by the time Sakura thought that she’d like to do that, too.

So as a result, Sasuke ended being the one to carry Sakura—who was thankfully a relatively quiet drunk—home while Kakashi would occasionally stop Naruto from falling into the drain or chasing after stray animals.

“I can’t believe you slept with someone, Sakura-chan!” Naruto whined, his words garbled. “I’ll find the bastard and I’ll Rasengan his ass for taking advantage of you!”

“Shyeah,” Sakura retorted even as she drooled on Sasuke’s shoulder.

“Kakashi, get the door,” Sasuke grunted, relieved when they finally reached Sakura’s apartment.

The moment Kakashi unlocked the door, Naruto flew past them and landed face first on the living room couch. Within seconds, snores filled the air.

“Idiot.” Sasuke turned to Kakashi, Sakura still on his back. “I’ll get her into bed. Make sure Naruto doesn’t break anything with his stupid kicks.”

“Make sure you don’t do anything inappropriate with Sakura,” Kakashi sing-songed. “She’s not a virgin anymore.”

“Fuck you.”

Kakashi chuckled, settling himself into another couch. He continued to read his novel while he listened to the sounds of Sasuke helping Sakura in her bedroom and Naruto muttering, “kill him, kill him” in his sleep.

Nearly twenty minutes later, Sasuke reemerged from Sakura’s bedroom. “She’s asleep,” he told his former instructor. He glanced at his snoring blonde friend and sighed tiredly. “I think I’ll stay here tonight, make sure the dobe doesn’t do anything stupid. I’ll borrow Sakura’s bedroll.”

The older man nodded as he climbed to his feet. “Tell Sakura I’ll come over in the morning and if she wants, she can have the day-off.”

Sasuke followed him to the door. “Oi,” he said as Kakashi stepped onto the porch, “you really aren’t bothered by this whole situation?”

Although his voice sounded pleasant enough, the silver-haired jounin’s exposed eye was utterly serious as he answered, “Of course I am. And I when I find out who it is, I’ll tear his balls off. Good night, Sasuke.”

---

From a safe distance, his chakra skillfully masked, a tall man in dark clothing watched as the door to Haruno Sakura’s apartment swung shut. It was really late; he hadn’t expected to come here, nor had he expected to find that she’d be having guests. Of course, he also hadn’t expected to learn that the woman he’d slept with last night, whose image seemed to burned permanently in his eyes, would come home unconsciously drunk tonight.

He sighed quietly as he turned away. He was acting out of character, he knew. But she wouldn’t leave his mind and that was a dangerous thing.

He would have to correct this matter.

---

In the early light of dawn, Sasuke was awoken by three firm knocks on the door. Knowing it wasn’t Kakashi because the older man had a key and he wouldn’t make an appearance so early in the day, Sasuke decided to ignore the knocks, burying his face deeper into the pillow. Whoever it was, wasn’t important to Sakura because if they were, they would have a key to her apartment.

The infuriating knocks came again, sharper this time. On the couch, Naruto groaned and cried out, “Five more minutes, Ero-Senin!”

“Shut up, asshole,” Sasuke muttered. Louder, he said, “Go away!”

This time, the person stopped knocking. But when the lock turned, Sasuke immediately reached for his kunai and sprang to his feet, his instincts alerted. He jumped over the coffee table and was at the entryway the moment the door swung open.

When he recognized the man standing calmly in the doorway, Sasuke frowned. “What are you doing here?”

Uchiha Itachi nearly smiled. “Good morning, little brother. I’m here to see Sakura.”


To be continued

Bet you didn’t see that coming, huh? :)