Naruto meet Naruto

Naruto had just finished asking Sakura out for the thirteenth time that week. She refused like always, but this time it was worse, much worse. So much worse in fact that he decided to talk to Kyuubi about it and ask, no, beg for help. With that thought in mind he began to meditate and proceeded to go through the steps needed to communicate with the Nine Tailed Fox Demon known as Kyuubi.

"Kyuubi! Kyuubi! Where are you? Get your stubborn ass out here, you mangy old fox! I need to talk to you!" Naruto yelled.

At this Kyuubi padded out and used one of his tails to rub his eyes trying to wake himself up. "What do you want Kit? Just take the chakra and let me get back to sleep," he yawned.

"It's not that. I wanted to talk to you about Sakura and the other girls." Naruto said with a slight blush. "I know Sakura has turned me down before, but this time she was cruel. She said 'Not even if the Hokage told me I would be turned over to Ibiki for questioning if I refused.' She'd rather be tortured than go on a date with me." He said as he started to cry.

"There, there Kit i'm sure there are other girls who will want to date you." Kyuubi stated trying to console the despondant child sobbing in front of him as he reached a tail out to pull Naruto into an awkward embrace and used another tail to pat him on the back.

"No there's not K-K-Kyuubi. Ino threw me through a wall and said she was saving herself for Sasuke. TenTen threatened to put so many holes in me that i'd be mistaken for a pincushion. Temari sicked both Gaara and Shikamaru on me. Chouji told me if i asked Ayame for anything other than Ramen he'd flatten me. Hanabi used the Gentle Fist on me the one time I told her she looked hot. Hinata is engaged to Shino and Hana sicked the triplets on me because Kiba told her i dreamt about her naked. The rest of the women in the village are either too young like Moegi, too old like Tsunade-Baa-Chan or hate me. Even women outside the village want nothing to do with me," Naruto stated as he burrowed deeper into the Kyuubi's soft embrace.

Kyuubi sighed softly as Naruto finished telling him why no one would ever love him. "Well Kit, I don't know what you want from me. Maybe, if you tell me what this has to do with me I can figure out how to help you. After all, you must have some reason to come down here besides crying all over my fur," Kyuubi stated.

Naruto mumbled something into Kyuubi's fur that appeared to be an explanation of sorts but in reality just sounded something like "Ishwad nvrab gri(hic)in' alloyirfr."

"First of all, I don't know what you said, second that tickles. Third if you're going to say something take your face out of my fur before you do. Now try that again, Kit." Kyuubi demanded.

Naruto moved his head out of Kyuubi's fur and wiped the tears of his face before attempting to speak again. "Kyuubi, I didn't mean to cry on your fur. It's just if I tell you, will you promise not to laugh? I couldn't take it if you laughed at me," Naruto stated morosely.

"Alright Kit. I promise not to laugh. Now just tell me so I can figure out how to help you and go back to bed. I can't sleep with you crying all over my fur." Kyuubi stated as patiently as he could.

Naruto stepped out of the cocoon of Kyuubi's warm embrace so he could breathe. "Well Kyuubi,it's kind of embarrassing really," he stated as he blushed and looked down at his feet. "I'm nineteen and i've never even really kissed a girl. Bumping heads into Hinata-chan and knocking her unconscious doesn't count. Plus even though technically I have kissed Sasuke-Teme i've been on enough missions with him to know he's not a girl." Naruto explained as his blush got bigger.

As Naruto finished his speech the Kyuubi started laughing and ended up rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. Of course this made Naruto angry and he started yelling as his blush got bigger "You promised not to laugh at me if I told you. You lied you stupid fox. I'm going to rip your tails off!" He threatened.

At this Kyuubi stopped rolling around the ground and attempted to regain enough control to stop laughing and respond. Meanwhile Naruto was looking at the fox's tails and looked about ready to make good on his threat to pull them out. "I'm not laughing at the fact that you can't get a date. I'm laughing at the fact that you kissed 'Sasuke-Teme'. I'd actually forgotten about that incident." Kyuubi said with a chuckle.

With those words Naruto edged away from the fox's tail but didn't calm down much. "I was curious. I don't like guys, but all the girls were talking about how sexy he was and how much a kiss from him would mean. I thought if I kissed him they might like me. If I'd known they would beat the shit out of me I never would have done it." He stated with a sigh and a glare at Kyuubi, who was now smirking again.

Kyuubi smiled and said "That still doesn't explain what you want."

"I want you to tell me why none of the girl's like me. Failing that will you teach me how to get girls?" Naruto asked looking pathetic and miserable.

"Fine, I'll help you but only because if you don't have children odds are I'll die with you. That and I don't have any children, just you. So this way my line lives on too." Kyuubi said with a smile. "The jutsu I am about to teach you is very dangerous. It's never been done by a human, in fact it's never been done at all. So there might be some odd side effects. Use your shadow Clone Jutsu, now, once you have your clone made. Put some of my chakra in it till the clone is full. Finally use your Sexy no Jutsu on the clone. Oh and make sure to practice somewhere secluded where you won't be interrupted." With that statement the fox let out another yawn.

"How will I know that the jutsu worked and what is it called?" Naruto asked.

The fox looked at him amused, "Trust me you'll know. Seeing as I invented this jutsu right now just for you, you can name the jutsu whatever you like. Now let me sleep Kit." Kyuubi said before returning to slumber.

With that Naruto left the fox and returned to the waking world. Upon leaving the part of his mind that the fox called home and letting go of his meditative state. He mentally thought of all the places he could practice his new jutsu. Finally he decided to use the forest with the waterfall where he first saw the naked woman practicing her water jutsu.

Finally he left his apartment and proceeded to exit the village and proceed to the Forest he had only been in once. Upon arriving he searched the premises to make sure that he was completely alone. Then he set up a bunch of trip wires that would alert him to anyone's presence and trap them until he was able to deal with them.

As soon as he was done prepping the area he got down to business and made the familiar hand signs. "Shadow clone Jutsu!" With that, said clone appeared. He then proceeded to draw on the fox's chakra and tried to put it in the clone. Oddly enough, the clone appeared to be rejecting the chakra. This went on for the next three hours until he finally realized that the clone would not accept the chakra unless he told it to. "Shadow Clone take the damn chakra already will you. I have no intention of hurting you and this is not a training excercise, where I beat the crap out of myself." He stated as calmly as possible.

"Why didn't you say so Naruto." The clone asked bewildered as he proceeded to take in the fox's chakra. Naruto was sending it out in waves until he finished sending the correct amount of chakra for the clone to absorb.

Finally Naruto came to the final segmant of the jutsu he'd been working on for more than three hours. He started to make the familiar hand signs for the Sexy no Jutsu only to realize if he did that he himself would become female, and he did not want that. Recalling what it took to make the clone accept the fox's chakra he said, "Shadow Clone will you please make the handsigns for the Sexy no Jutsu?" Naruto asked, eager to see what the new jutsu would do and hoping it really would help him discover how to get girls to like him.

"Sexy no Jutsu!" The shadow clone shouted and waited for it to take effect. As soon as the jutsu worked clouds appeared out of nowhere. Naruto chose the exact moment before seeing the results of his new jutsu to completely collapse from the stress of the day and his lack of rest when trying to get the jutsu the fox taught him to work.