Hard Love Life

Hidan hated Konan. She stole his whole wardrobe and left him with.... this thing; a pink belly shirt and a white skirt. No underwear. He was avoiding Kakuzu like the man was infected with the plague.

Kakuzu sighed, he was absorbed into his accounting work, per usual, when a sudden hunger pang struck him. While he debated whether to go eat or not, he found his math to be off and silently cursed himself, eventually settling with his hunger and going to get himself a meal so he could concentrate on his accounting.

Hidan was sure Kakuzu was a big pervert. "Just go into the closet and hide there until Konan gets tired of this." he muttered, turning a corner and bumping into the man he was trying to avoid. "Oh fuck."

Kakuzu glared at the obtrusion that blocked him from the kitchen, until he noticed what said obtrusion was wearing. "Hidan.... What the ... What are you wearing?" he asked, trying to control a snicker or a bout of laughter at the outfit.

Hidan blushed deeply. "It was Konan! She took my things. Even my shoes! I have these ugly platforms." Hidan glared at Kakuzu, there was no way he was saying he had on no underwear. He tugged the skirt down, hoping it was long enough to cover all of him.

Kakuzu shook his head and pushed Hidan aside, "I'll deal with you later, first I need sustenance." He stormed into the kitchen and grabbed himself something to eat and ate it quickly before going back to his room to finish his accounting.

Hidan was glad that Kakuzu had not pushed the question, but was not when the man had pushed him. He had nearly fallen over, thus nearly shown his privates. He wobbled to Kakuzu and his shared room, hoping that maybe a pair of his dirty underwear was still in the hamper. He bent over and shifted threw it, not hearing Kakuzu come in.

Kakuzu looked over at Hidan when he came in and stared for about five minutes at his partner being fully exposed under the skirt when he remembered that he had accounting to do. "Pull down your skirt Hidan, nobody wants to see everything hanging out like that."

Hidan stood up quickly. "You pervert! How long were you looking at me?!" He attempted to pull his skirt down. Dear Jashin this had to be a sin. It had too.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes,” Relax Drama Queen, I barely even looked." He went to his desk and began to re-do his math when a slightly dirty image appeared in his mind and he had to shake his head to get rid of it and try to concentrate on his math.

"Yeah right! You fucking looked longer then that! I know you did!" Hidan snapped, now trying to pull his shirt down as well, "Filthy heathen." He pouted, needing to cover himself. His body was sacred. "Kakuzu~! Can I barrow a shirt and pants?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes once more, "What ever Ms. Drag Queen. The skirt really helps to accent your huge thighs by the way." His attention went back to his paperwork and accounting as yet another insult was thrown at him followed by a question. "Why would you want to where a filthy heathen's clothes? Sorry, but I don't let Drag Queens wear my clothes so, no."

"They're big because I carry a heavy scythe!" Hidan yelled, "You won't do it because you like me wearing things like this! You're a perverted old man!"

Kakuzu sighed, "Yeah, yeah, you keep telling yourself that Drag Queen." Kakuzu was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on the paper work. "Hidan, shut up! And stop flattering yourself! I in no way find you attractive! Maybe if you were less annoying I would, but I don't. So get out."

Hidan huffed. "Then why won't you let me barrow any clothes? Hm?" he shouted, refraining from stomping his foot, "It's because you like seeing me in this. You haven't been laid in so long you'd do anyone. Well sorry but I'm off limits. "

He shrugged, "Like I said, I don't let Drag Queens borrow my clothes," Kakuzu yawned, getting bored with this, "Like I said, stop flattering yourself you egotistical bastard, not everyone likes seeing your body. Especially not me. And I don't want to get 'laid', which is why I haven't."

"I'm not a drag queen! They dress like this willingly. I didn't. So I'm not a drag queen. Now let me barrow some clothes." Hidan snapped, "If you don't like seeing me in this then you'll do it!" Hidan huffed, getting angry because Kakuzu seemed to take no interest in him. "So what? Are you a virgin then? You're ninety-one and a virgin! Haha!"

"I'm sure you're dressing like this willingly. You want to borrow some clothes, fine. Just don't get cum on them when you go prowling the street corners, looking for sacrifices to give to your fucked-up god." He muttered, going to his closet and throwing a pair of pants at Hidan's head. "I don't see why it's any of your business if I'm a virgin or not, but if you must know, I am not. Now stop acting like a child just because I won't give you the attention you die for."

Hidan lost his balance when the pants hit him making him fall back onto his bottom. "How could you not find me sexy? Everyone else does. I know they do. I'm perfect. Jashin-sama has blessed me to remain beautiful forever." Hidan struggled to take off the platform shoes knowing he couldn't pull the pair of pants on if he didn't do it.

Kakuzu growled, "When you're a whiny, self centered, egotistical, brat, it makes any attractiveness nonexistent. Any beauty you have is lost by your ugly, disgusting attitude." He scowled looking at Hidan.

"Then why do people find models attractive? Aren't they self-centered bitches?" Hidan tore at the clasps before giving up, "Kakuzu! Take these off for me?"

"They are attractive because they don't talk to them." Kakuzu looked over Hidan before snickering softly, "What the Drag Queen can't get her clothes off?"

Hidan pouted. "Kakuzu~!" he said, trying to sound as nice as possible, "Please take them off. I don't know how." He did his best to make what Deidara called ‘puppy eyes’. "Kakuzu-chan~! Please?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes before standing up and going to Hidan, easily removing the shoes, "Why'd you even put them on?

"I'm not walking around barefoot in this place." Hidan said. He smirked, thinking of a little mind game to play on the stitched man. "Wanna touch?"

He sighed, "It's not that dirty here," Kakuzu muttered, staring at Hidan's face rather than his ass. He looked taken aback for a moment when Hidan asked him if he wanted to touch. Of course he did, but he wouldn't admit it. "No, you whore, if you're that desperate, go find yourself a prostitute or a slut to sleep with."

"I'm not letting some AIDS infected slut touch me." Hidan snapped, "Besides, I'm sure you'd be the most fun." Hidan felt he was pushing it to far, but he wanted to. "You'll make me bleed and scream, you're a sadist. We're the perfect pair."

Kakuzu shook his head. "Well, if you want sex, then you're not getting it from me." He stood and walked back to his desk, trying to ignore Hidan's advances. "Oh, why would you want to sleep with me?"

"Fine. But I know you want me. I won't make an offer like this again. It would have been alright if it had been done as a ritual." Hidan said, bringing his legs back together, "Last chance."

Kakuzu growled, "You want sex so bad?" he asked, glaring at Hidan. "I'll give you your sex." He walked over and pinned Hidan to the ground, spreading his legs. "You asked for this though, whore."

Hidan scowled. "Only if you make it fucking hurt." he snarled, using a nail to scratch the symbol of his god on his chest. Hidan really didn't care. It would be fine if it hurt. He could tell the whole base too; maybe they would think less of the stitched man if he did have sex with him. With a bunch of reasons why he should have sex with Kakuzu other then Hidan actually wanting this, he wrapped his legs around the man’s waist.

Kakuzu stared at him. "Oh I'll make it hurt. It'll hurt so bad you won't ever want to have sex again." He wrapped a hand around Hidan's throat and scowled. A few of his thread snaked out and tied up Hidan's hands above his head while his free hand slid down and grabbed violently onto Hidan's member. A couple more thread began to imbed themselves into his partner's skin.

"I can take anything you give me." Hidan hissed before arching his back to look at his bound hands, "You're lucky... You're going to fuck a virgin." He moaned when Kakuzu grabbed him. It felt good, and even better when Kakuzu’s threads pierced his skin.

Kakuzu frowned when he heard Hidan was virgin. "So.. You're inexperienced?" He shook his head, "I hate virgins. They're so hard to teach." He began to pump Hidan's length with one hand while the other trail over Hidan's body.

"But you’re doing this anyway and I'm a fast learner." Hidan made a keening noise, "You want to take this stupid shirt off? You've always looked at my chest, but how about touching it?" Hidan kept his breathing steady despite the intense sensations. His hips lurched into Kakuzu's callused hand. "Hmm. Fuck."

Kakuzu growled, "You're too stupid to be a fast learner." He tugged painfully on Hidan's member. "You want it off? Fine." He took off Hidan's shirt and threw it across the room. His other hand began to feel up Hidan's chest.

Hidan cried loudly when Kakuzu tugged his member. "Ah~ Shit that's nice~" he moaned, "You'll never know... Until you start teaching me." He bit his lip, his toes curling. "Am I attractive enough for you, bastard?"

Kakuzu grinned down at Hidan, feeling himself starting to get hard. "You like that?" He pulled roughly on Hidan's member again. "I hope you are a fast learner." He shook his head. "You'll be attractive when you stop talking."

Hidan's back arched his back involuntary. "Fuck yes I did. Fuck how can I stop talking? You would not know how good it feels." he licked his lips, "Mhm... Teach me then, Master."

Kakuzu smashed his and Hidan's lips together to keep him from talking, removing his hand from Hidan's member and let his threads slide into Hidan's entrance, thrusting in and out of Hidan.

Hidan groaned, his hips lurching up to rub the tip of his member against the fabric of Kakuzu's pants. He opened his mouth, his tongue moving along Kakuzu's lips before he bit them. Dear god he loved those threads.

Kakuzu removed his pants and the threads before thrusting into Hidan himself. He grunted at the tightness of Hidan's virgin hole. A low growl erupted from him when Hidan bit his lips and pulled away from the kiss, pressing his hand against his partner's throat, choking him.

Hidan threw his head back, screaming at the raw entry and yet loving every second of it. His eyes rolled about his skull as his legs wrapped around the larger's waist, pulling Kakuzu deeper inside of him. He laughed when Kakuzu started choking him. "I can talk and stay conscious when my head is cut off. How can choking me do anything. Ah~ Move~!"

Kakuzu tried to pry Hidan's legs off of his waist so he could thrust without the weight of his partner on him. Giving up on that, he began to thrust out and in of Hidan, enjoying the noises that he managed to elicit from the smaller man. Getting annoyed with Hidan's talking, he sowed the Jashinist's mouth shut.

Hidan glared at Kakuzu as the elder stitched his mouth shut. Just to piss him off he pried his lips apart, tearing them to shreds. He smiled through the heavy blood. "You can only shut me up with your mouth." he hissed, letting go of Kakuzu's hips, "Now go faster and harder you pussy."

Kakuzu scowled at Hidan as he pried his lips apart. "You have no shame do you?" he asked, leaning in and kissing Hidan. His hips began to move faster, trying to sate Hidan's lust. The few threads that were in Hidan now began to penetrate his skin again, tugging at his ribs and wrapping around his internal organs.

Hidan moved his torn lips over Kakuzu's, his tongue sliding past the elder’s lips and running it along his teeth. He moaned as Kakuzu's threads moved inside of him. He came, whining and lifting his back off the ground while his semen squirted onto Kakuzu's and his chests.

Kakuzu ran his hand through Hidan's gorgeous hair, enjoying the softness of it. He shivered slightly, feeling Hidan's tongue enter his mouth this time, not used to the feeling of someone's tongue in his mouth after years of celibacy. He groaned when Hidan came, feeling his partner's tight channel close around him. It only took him a few more thrusts before he came deep into Hidan.

Hidan pulled away, panting. "That... felt very good" he murmured, "Was I any good?"

Kakuzu grinned slightly, "Well, you were pretty tight and that felt amazing. You could've been better though."

"Well then you need to teach me don't you?" Hidan said, tugging on his bindings, "You wouldn't mind untying me would you?" He yawned, his eyes drooping.

Kakuzu stared at him for a minute, "Hm, perhaps I will, but as of the moment this was a one time thing." He stood up and released his threads, before pulling on his clothes once more and heading back to his desk, yawning a little as he continued his accounting. He was quite tired now, but wasn't going to let that show.

Hidan stuck his tongue out at Kakuzu's turned back. "You'll come back. I bet I'll still be tight. Whatever that means." he slicked his hair back and stood up, "I thought you said this would hurt. It didn't and still doesn't." He shivered. His albino skin never really held in much heat so he pulled on the pants Kakuzu gave him. "Can you teach me more... tomorrow?"

Kakuzu shook his head and looked at Hidan from over his shoulder, "You even sound like a virgin." His eyes began to close slightly as he looked at his papers, not wanting to do them at the moment. He shrugged when Hidan asked if he could teach him more tomorrow. "Hm, perhaps. If I feel like it. Just don't tell anyone about our little 'lessons'."

"Why would I tell anyone?" Hidan asked, "I won't gain anything by doing so." His teeth began to chatter. "Since we're like, 'lovers' or whatever, can I sleep with you in your bed tonight?"

"I don't know why you would tell someone," Kakuzu muttered, "I just figured you would, that's the way you are." He sighed and listened as Hidan's teeth began to chatter. Scowling slightly he shook his head, "We are not lovers. Or anything or the sort. So, no, you can not sleep in my bed tonight."

"Well I won't tell anyone." Hidan said, rubbing his arms, "Please Kakuzu? I'm really cold. I won't bother you. I swear on my pendant."

Kakuzu sighed and looked at Hidan. "Fine, we can sleep in the same bed. But only for tonight. Never again after this." He pushed himself away from his desk and stretched, heading towards his bed and getting in.

Hidan followed suit, crawling into the bed and pressing himself into Kakuzu's side. "Thanks... Hmm, you're really warm."

Kakuzu wrapped his arms around Hidan's waist out of instinct when he pressed into his side, but quickly let go of his partner and turned when he realized what he did. He moved himself farther away from the Jashinist rather than kick him out of the bed because that would've just led to an argument.

Hidan let out a whine of protest, being nearly half asleep. "No~ So warm..." he curled into the fetal position, shivering, "It's like twenty degrees in here."

Kakuzu groaned when Hidan whined and turned back to him, wrapping his arms around him and pulled him closer snuggling up closely to his partner to give him some warmth. "Don't get used to this, I'm never going to do this again."

Hidan nodded, clinging to Kakuzu's shirt and falling asleep.

Kakuzu soon fell asleep after Hidan.