A Friend In Need

Kiba was in hysterics.

“Oh, gods, Neji, please tell me you're joking!”

“I do not joke.”

“... PFFT!”

... Why had Neji agreed to Lee's invite for a meet-up of their fellow Shinobi? And why had he gone with them to the drinking den to buy alcohol and then followed them all to this spot in the forest? Why? What had compelled him to do such a thing? And what part of seemingly every other male's brain made sex a prominent and very easy-to-talk-about subject? Naruto was literally rolling on the ground in amusement as Kiba kept questioning.

“So, lemme get this straight, not only are you a 19 year old virgin, you don't even get yourself off?”

“I've had enough of this conversation now.”

“Dude! That's not healthy!”

“My health has nothing to do with you.”

Damn it all. Even Sasuke was snickering by now. He fought to keep his expression emotionless and flush free.

“No, I'm serious here! You'll get, uh... Blue balls!”

More laughter.

“Kiba. Stop talking. Why don't you go and annoy someone else now?”

“Neji! I'm being serious! It'll all drop off!”

...

“What will all drop off? Will you please stop laughing?! This really isn't amusing!”

“Your manly pride, Hyuuga. You'll wake up one day and bang! All gone!”

“... I... You are not right in the head. Don't be so stupid. That does not happen.”

He crushed the faint tingles of worry. Naruto joined in, the rest of the group watching with amusement.

“No, we're serious Neji! It really does happen! It all goes, um... Blue! And then it drops off!”

“... Stop making up such ridiculous tales.”

“Why do you think Gai's still single, Neji?”

Naruto was grinning. Lee gasped.

“NO! This terrible disease has affected Gai-sensei!?”

“I'm afraid so, uber-brows! And soon Neji will be joining the legions of people like Gai!”

Neji, unknown to himself, had gone a little pale. They were joking... Right!?

“OH NO! I MUST OFFER MY CONDOLANCES IMMEDIATLY!”

Lee jumped to his feet but Naruto pushed him down again.

“Don't bother, fuzzy-brows. Wait until later, yeah?”

“BUT...!”

“C'mon, Lee! It's like... Late! Don't bother him! Plus, you don't have to worry, what with all those missions to Suna, huh?”

Lee flamed bright red and sat down.

“Th-That is...!”

Naruto jeered, prodding his arm.

“I know all about you and Gaara, fuzzy-brows. Don't try to hide it!”

“Naruto!”

Neji took the time to crush all worries his brain now harbored. They were being stupid. That was not a real disease and nothing like that was going to happen... Right...? Gai was obnoxious. That was why he never had a partner. Not because he had, uh, missing equipment. Right...?

“ANYWAY. Neji, you should seriously do something about that!”

“Do what exactly?”

“... Wait, wait.” Naruto's grin had dropped. “... You do know how to, uh, yeah, right?”

In all truth, Neji had no idea. He'd been at a Hyuuga ceremony the day the rest of the class had sex education and had, literally, ran for it when Gai tried to give him and Lee a 'Man to Man talk'. The first time something... Unusual happened he'd been honestly worried, but whatever had happened went and all returned to normal, so he forgot it. Whenever that happened again, he'd sit and wait for it to go. Neji climbed to his feet.

“I've had enough of this. Good bye.”

He turned, walking off and ignoring the jeers and calls from the group, going home immediately and forcing himself into sleep. They had been joking. 'Blue balls' was not real, nor was he in any danger at all.

Right...?

Back with the group, most were laughing. Only Chouji and Lee, who had finally realized they were joking, were looking on disapprovingly; saying it was a cruel joke. Naruto whacked the floor, hysterical with laughter.

“D-Did'ja see his face!?”

“I thought he was gonna faint!”

Kiba had joined him, rolling on the floor and almost yelping with laughter.

“O-Oh god! He seriously believed us, dog-breath!”

“I know! Oh god, what a dumb ass! I thought he was a genius!”

“Ahahahah!”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

“That was unnecessarily cruel.”

Kiba turned to him, laughter turning into a smug smirk.

“You're his only close friend, right?”

“... That may be. Why?”

He had a feeling this wasn't going to be good.

“Well... Maybe he'll go to you for, uh 'help'.”

There were more snickers as Shikamaru coolly raised an eyebrow, standing up because every prediction his brain threw up at him was going to be humiliating unless he left now.

“If Neji really felt that worried, he would transform into someone else with henge and buy a book on it. He wouldn't go to someone, lower all his defenses and ask for help. I'm tired. I'll see you all later.”

Kiba was still smirking as he jumped up.

“I'll come with. Your house is just before my house.”

“Don't bother. I can get myself home.”

“Awh come on, buddy!”

“... You're a troublesome person.”

They started walking, Shikamaru slouching with his hands in his pockets while Kiba walked beside him, almost loping.

“You know, Shikamaru, you'd be the only person Neji would ask for help.”

“Why are you so obsessed about this?”

“No reason! It's just that whenever you go near him, your pheromone levels rocket...”

Shikamaru snorted, trying to keep calm. He was not found out. Not yet.

“Really? That's interesting.”

“Isn't it just? Just imagine it, Shikamaru-”

“Kiba. Be quiet.”

Kiba just grinned and kept talking.

“Neji, cheeks flushed red and that long hair sticking to his forehead as he gasps and pants for breath-.”

“Kiba. Seriously, be quiet.”

Kiba's nose twitched at the level of hormones coming from Shikamaru, grinning. Bingo. This guy wanted Hyuuga Neji, and from the smell of it, wanted him bad.

“Those delicate fingers clutching himself, eyes wide open and almost surprised at how good it feels-.”

Shikamaru sped up, fighting a blush as he tried to stop the slew of mental images Kiba was skillfully producing.

“Skin shining with that sheen of sweat, toes curling in pleasure he's never felt before, crying out when that moment of completion hits him, lost in sensation-.”

Shikamaru clapped his hands, released chakra and disappeared, landing in his bedroom with a bright red face.

... Damn that Kiba. Just... Damn him. He needed a cold shower. A really, really cold shower. And possibly sleeping pills.

A few days later, Neji was knocking on Shikamaru's door for their usual game of Shogi. Shikamaru smiled, letting him in and serving tea while Neji set up the board, playing in comfortable and companionable silence. However, Shikamaru knew something was on Neji's mind. From deductions, it could only be one thing. That stupid joke they'd played on him. Shikamaru sighed.

“Oi, Neji...”

“Hmn?”

Neji looked up from the board.

“Blue balls isn't a real disease. They were joking with you.”

“I know.”

“...”

For the first time in a while, Shikamaru couldn't think what to say.

“... You do?”

“Yes. I bought a medical book.”

Shikamaru smirked, snorting softly. So he'd been right. But then, if it wasn't that...

“... What's on your mind, then?”

“Did I say I was worried about something?”

“No. But I know you well enough to know when some thing's up.”

There was a long silence, only broken by the clicking of Shogi pieces being placed. Neji's face was set in a small frown, thinking about what he was going to say. After another few moments of unbroken silence, Neji spoke.

“... That is the problem.”

It was Shikamaru's turn to frown. Neji was usually frank, blunt almost. To say something enigmatic like that meant it was either embarrassing, upsetting or he was frightened. Upset and frightened he did not look, so it was embarrassing. Right. Neji was logical, which meant he wouldn't say something completely random, which meant it had to have a connection to whatever they'd been talking about. It couldn't be blue balls, because he knew that didn't exist.

Still frowning, he ran their conversation over in his mind. Then, he hit it. 'Some thing's up'. He'd (accidentally) made an innuendo alluding to their conversation, and it the 'up' side that Neji was referring to. He viciously crushed one of those goddamn Kiba's-imagination induced images.

“... Ah.”

“Hmn.”

“Did the book not explain?”

“It was purely medical.”

“... Ah.”

“Hmn.”

There was another long, long silence.

“... Can't you work it out on your own?”

Thank god his parents weren't here to hear this... He bit back a smirk as the tiniest, tiniest flush crept onto Neji's cheeks. That had told him he'd tried, and it hadn't worked. Or he wasn't sure if it worked. Or what was even supposed to happen.

“Obviously not.”

A glare was shot his way. Shikamaru ignored it, thinking hard. He could suggest a book to read, or even send him to someone like Kakashi or Jiraiya for a bit of help, or... His brain jammed as another of Kiba's images attacked it, him witnessing Neji's first ever orgasm... He cleared his throat. He could... No... Neji wouldn't agree... Would he...? He might, if...

“Hmn...”

Shikamaru got to his feet, ignoring Neji's puzzled look.

“Even though blue balls doesn't exist, it's still probably not that healthy.”

A heavier glare, but no words. Shikamaru shoved his hands in his pockets, looking away slightly. Neji was obviously asking for help.

“... I could show you.”

The effort not to blush was monumental. Neji, however, was caught unaware and a small flush stained his normally white cheeks before he got it back under control.

“I...-”

“Guys do it all the time. It's called mutual masturbation. It doesn't mean anything.” He smirked, hiding his true emotions. “Plus, it's just a one-time thing. Think of it as the info you should have got before, all in one.”

After a few more seconds, Neji nodded and climbed to his feet, arms crossed. Defensive, Shikamaru noted, uncertain and a little nervous.

“Come on.”

He turned, leading Neji to his bedroom. The bedroom. Gods, was this seriously the right decision? Well, he couldn't back out now, even if he wanted to as he opened the door, slouching in and waiting for Neji to follow before closing it behind them. He turned, noting the still defensive body language and tint of colour on Neji's emotionless face. He would have to act like this was totally, totally natural and not embarrassing at all for Neji to relax.

Otherwise, it wasn't going to work. Literally.

“Strip,” he ordered in a bored voice. The tint darkened and Neji didn't move. Shikamaru sighed out, acting completely unfazed.

“You've been to onsen before, I'm sure you've trained without a shirt in summer before and I'm sure you've been naked in front of someone before at least once.”

“... The third is not true.”

“Not even when you were young?”

“If I was, I've forgotten it.”

“Right, right...”

So Neji was not comfortable with being naked. Which was a shame, because Shikamaru's imagination had assured him that he would look... Godly. After another second of thinking, during which he realized it would be pretty embarrassing to be the only one naked, he sighed out again.

“Then I'll strip too. It won't be just you.”

Was it just him, or had Neji gone that half-shade pinker and his eyes a little wider milliseconds before he looked away?

“... All right.”

Without seeming to care a bit, Shikamaru unzipped his Chuunin jacket and dropped it to the floor, pulling his black polo shirt and mesh vest off too.

“... Go on, then.”

After another second of hesitation, Neji pulled off his own top, folding it neatly and holding it on his arms.

“Just dump it on the floor, Neji.”

Neji bent, gently placing it down on the floor. Shikamaru quickly undid his belt and slid off his trousers, telling himself to just treat it like a mission. A mission he was going to enjoy as soon as this cringe-worthy embarrassment was over. He glanced over to Neji, just in time to see him sliding those white trousers and underwear down slender hips and fold them neatly too, furiously fighting a flush. Shikamaru looked away because even Neji would twig that getting hard from watching a friend undress wasn't 100% normal. He slipped off his underwear too, trying to act completely cool and not like the guy he had a serious lust for was also naked and in his room.

He walked over to his bed, climbing on it and kneeling comfortably at the head, leaning his arms in such a way he wasn't showing anything. Neji, it seemed, had given up fighting for a flush-free face. The normally stoic and blank man had gone a light shade of pink as he followed suite, sitting opposite Shikamaru and mimicking his pose.

“I'm just going to assume you know absolutely nothing about this.”

Neji nodded, once, eyes glued to the bed.

“But there is no way you haven't been hard before.”

Neji went a few blood cells pinker.

“... Mn.”

“Right.” Treat it like a mission. “That's step one.”

There was another long silence. Shikamaru sighed, closing his eyes.

“Let me guess. The only times that happened were after intense training or a dream which you can't remember, so once again, you're clueless.”

A Hyuuga glare wasn't that impressive when it was accompanied by a flush. And nakedness... After a few seconds, Shikamaru had narrowed it down to two options. Tell Neji how to get hard, or aid him. Helpfully, his brain pointed out that this was most probably the only time he was going to be within a touching distance to a very naked Neji and that he should make the most of it.

“... Maa... Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“I'm not going to hurt you.”

“...”

His body language was reeking of uncertainty as he slid his eyes shut. Very slowly, Shikamaru shuffled forwards and placed his hands on Neji's shoulders, hardly believing he was doing this.

Hardly believing he was being allowed to do this. He leant in slightly, knowing Neji could sense every movement and therefore could basically see him.

“Imagine who ever you want...”

Just as slowly as before, he slid his hands down Neji's chest, resting just over the nipples and ducked his head, pressing his lips against the junction where Neji's neck met his shoulder.

“... What are you-?”

“Shh. Imagine I'm whoever you want.”

Shikamaru could almost smell the nervousness and tension radiating from Neji's frame. Gently, he licked at the soft skin beneath his lips and ran his thumbs over Neji's nipples, reveling in the jerky intake of breath from the pale-skinned boy in front of him.

“S-Shikamaru...!?”

“I'm just helping you out, Neji.”

He did it again, slightly harder than before. He was rewarded with another shaky breath, but an increase in tension.

“Neji, this isn't going to work if you're too tense. Try to relax a little. You know I won't attack you.”

“...Mn.”

Was it just him, or was there a slight waver to his usually cool voice...? Neji made a visible effort to relax, swallowing and letting his shoulders drop a little, unclenching his fists.

“That's better...”

He bit down on the skin, sucking it and almost pinching Neji's nipples; not reacting when Neji's hands moved to grab his arms, not stopping him. Just holding on. Shikamaru smirked and kept going, knowing this was his only chance to do this to Neji, knowing he was the first. The very first. For everything. Neji's breathing was becoming slightly irregular, fingers tightening and relaxing around Shikamaru's arms as he continued to manipulate Neji's body, still slightly in shock he was being allowed to do this.

After a few moments he drew back, glancing down and smirking.

“There.”

Neji didn't reply, eyes half open and looking straight at Shikamaru, breath slightly uneven and with a small red mark on his shoulder. Shikamaru's mark. His flag. The embarrassment both had felt was gone, mingled with the heat of blood pumping through their veins and the excitement in the air.

“... What now...?”

Shikamaru smirked. Was that a hint of impatience he detected? He didn't move back, their knees touching as he removed one of Neji's hands from his arm. He slipped his own hand over the top, pushing it down and moving Neji's fingers until he was gripping himself, Shikamaru's hand wrapped around Neji's. He smirked again as he heard Neji's breath hitch and a quick glance up showed him with his eyes closed and a healthy flush on those white cheeks.

“Like this...”

His voice had dropped a tone. Slowly, he guided Neji's hand to move up and down.

“Ah!”

... Oh god. Shikamaru bit back a shiver as Neji cried out in surprise, eyes opening to look at Shikamaru in shock. He just smirked at him, keeping up the pace as Neji choked, body arching slightly. His hand still on Shikamaru's arm gripped painfully tight as his eyes closed, mouth opening a little. Of course, this was the first time Neji had ever experienced such pleasure, but really... Did he have to look so hot? Shikamaru picked up the pace a little, guiding Neji's thumb to run over the slit. The Hyuuga hissed and trembled, a fine sheen of sweat breaking out of his body as his hips arched into his hand. Shikamaru swallowed and slowly started removing his fingers, guiding Neji's hand faster.

“A-Ahh... Ah...”

Small moans were tumbling out of Neji's mouth as he sped up his hand on his own, the pleasure knocking down his outer shell better than a bulldozer could. Neji's eyelids fluttered closed again, lips mouthing a moan as Shikamaru removed his hand completely, hand dropping to rest on Neji's thigh. His mouth was dry, eyes glued to the sight before him. A sight he knew was going to plague every single dream and most probably every single moment of the remainder of his life.

“Ahhhn... A-Ahh...”

Neji's hips were twitching forwards, thrusting into his own hand as his pace sped up even more. Shikamaru licked his lips, noting how Neji's cheeks had gone bright red and that the fingers digging into his arms seemed to be clutching, holding on for life as their owner gasped and trembled, long hair sticking to his back, arms and face.

“O-Ohh gods...”

That mirrored Shikamaru's thoughts exactly. His own breathing was fast, head almost spinning with lust as he watched the one guy who could beat him in Shogi and render him speechless jerk himself off for the first time ever. He swallowed as Neji arched dramatically, eyes flying open.

“A-AH!”

His hips flicked forwards as he doubled up, head pushing into Shikamaru's shoulder as his (first ever, Shikamaru's brain reminded him happily) orgasm crashed through him.

“AHN!”

Shikamaru hissed, own cheeks a solid red as he felt wetness hit himself, knowing it was Neji's. Said man was trembling and panting, face still buried in Shikamaru's shoulder.

“... W-... Wow...”

Shikamaru snorted, biting back a shudder of pleasure at the feeling of breath dancing over his skin.

“Well, now you know what to do.”

“Mmn... Thank you.”

The muscles in his back twitched as he forced back another shudder, harder than he'd ever been in his whole life.

“... 'S not a pro- ah?!”

His back arched as he felt a warm hand grip him.

“N-Neji, what are you-?!”

“-- You helped me. I'm only returning the favour...”

The hand began to move. Shikamaru's eyes slammed shut, body shuddering heavily as pleasure washed through him.

“Y-You do-aahh... Don't ha-ah-have t-to... Uhn...”

His mind was spinning, so close to the edge already from watching Neji.

“I never turn down an opportunity to perfect something, Shikamaru...”

He felt the hand speed up as both his hands clutched Neji's shoulders, breath coming in shorter and shorter pants.

“B-But... Ahhhnnnn... N-Neji...”

“Shhh...”

His hips were thrusting up, begging for more... Just a little more... He was so, so close...

“Uhhhnnn...”

The grip tightened and almost jerked. Shikamaru cried out, chest heaving as the best orgasm of his life slammed into him, taking away all sanity from him.

“AHH!”

He slumped as Neji slowly pulled his hand away.

“... T-Tch... Thanks...”

“It's not a problem.”

There was a pause as they both tried to get their breathing back under control, still in each others arms without them noticing.

“... Shikamaru, can I use your shower please...?”

That snapped him out of his daze. He pulled back with a small smirk. “'Course. You know where it is.” He turned his face, reaching for his clothes as Neji grabbed a towel hanging on the door and walked out. However, the second Neji had gone Shikamaru collapsed.

What... Had just happened...!? Had he really just taught Hyuuga Neji to jerk off and gotten himself a (very brief) handjob in return...!? He sighed shakily, cleaning himself up with tissues and slipped his clothes back on.

Neji returned, dressed and stood awkwardly for a few moments. Shikamaru smiled, stood, lead him back downstairs and continued their game as if nothing had happened. Neji wasn't going to be interested in anything like a relationship, and he had a feeling commitment like that would be troublesome.

No. It was best to be friends.

Besides, Neji knew how to do it now. He didn't need Shikamaru's help on that subject anymore.


... Right?