Your Choices, My Pain

Title: Your Choices, My Pain
Collaboration with Jackulwulf
Pairings: SaiNaru, eventually SasuNaru
Warnings: Abuse, neglect, violence, yaoi, sexual situations
Summary: Sasuke sees the pain Naruto is going through, even if he doesn’t witness it firsthand and the abuse Naruto receives from his boyfriend on a daily basis is starting to take a toll him and those involved in his life.

Chapter 1

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The afternoon wore on much like it usually did and Naruto was busy moving from one side of the kitchen to the other as he did his best to get supper ready before Sai returned from his mission. He knew that his lover would be tired and hungry when he got home.

He himself didn't really go out to do missions much anymore...Sai preferred that he stay home and take care of what needs to be done around the house. He'd moved out of his own apartment that he'd owned since he was young and moved in with Sai a few months after they started a relationship. He didn't really like being cooped up in the house all day...he enjoyed going on missions and being a shinobi but he didn't wish to make waves with Sai. It was just better if he complied with what Sai wanted.

He gave a bit of a sigh as he wiped a bit of sweat from his brow, standing over the oven cooking was rather warm and while he was moving back and forth to make sure he wasn't burning anything he worked up quite a sweat.

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Sai took his time heading home from the ANBU mission he had just completed. It wasn't anything too big, just some recon which he excelled at. Nevertheless he was pretty exhausted from traveling and hoped that Naruto would have the evening meal finished by the time he arrived. The pale man couldn't explain what it was about Naruto that drew him to the blonde shinobi, but needless to say Naruto had intrigued him from their first meeting when he joined team 7.

The dark haired ANBU made his way lazily through the village, nodding at greetings he got here and there and finally arrived at the apartment he shared with his lover. He undid the seal that he had put on the door that morning and opened said door before walking in and taking off his sandals.

The smell of Naruto's delicious cooking made itself known even before the door had been opened and Sai gave a smile of satisfaction as he headed in the direction of the kitchen to greet his boyfriend.

Upon entering the kitchen, Sai leaned against the door frame and watched the blonde man move around the fairly small space. Naruto was always interesting to watch; his movements were smooth and purposeful, just like any great shinobi. But the blonde had given that up a while ago. Sai smiled at the thought, not liking to think about the blue eyed man being put in a situation where he could get hurt or possibly killed; it would just devastate him if that ever happened.

Pushing himself away from the door frame, Sai sauntered up behind Naruto and wrapped his arms around the slim waist, pulling the blonde against his chest. "Miss me?" he asked as he licked a path from his lover's neck and up to his ear.

Though Naruto didn't actively participate in being a shinobi...it didn't mean he lost his touch or had become a slouch, but as he flitted around the small kitchen somewhat, he didn't notice that Sai had come home and was now standing in the doorway...leaning against the frame.

He went about his business, oblivious that he was being watched by the one who he did all this for.
It didn't take him long to figure it out though...or rather Sai didn't take long before he made his presence known by moving in behind him and taking him into his arms. He felt his own body pulled up against Sai's as his arms tightened around his waist and he leaned back into his raven-haired lover's body. He smiled lightly at the sound of Sai's voice in his ear before he felt that warm, slick, tongue slide up along his neck until it came to his destination just below his ear. Naruto's head tilted slightly to the side and a soft purr left his throat as his blue eyes slid closed.

" Mm, I always do..." he said, " I didn't notice you come in...You can't have been home long I imagine.."
His arms came to rest over Sai's as they remained around his waist, his fingers idly stroking the back of one of his lover’s hands.

"I just got here." Sai murmured as he continued to bestow chaste kisses upon the blonde's neck. "You seem to be losing your touch. You used to be able to sense me even before I was in the door." He turned Naruto around and away from the stove so he could look into those ocean blue eyes that seemed to pull anyone into them and brought his lips down upon slightly parted ones beneath him; his hands making their way to the ex-shinobi's backside.

More soft purrs continued to leave the blond as Sai's lips continued to caress his neck, leaving a light damp trail in their wake. " Perhaps I am...I haven't trained in a while...or perhaps my mind was just preoccupied.." he said before Sai turned him around and he was caught in the gaze of Sai's dark eyes as they met his azure ones. His arms slipped easily around Sai's neck as the dark-haired male leaned in and pressed his soft lips to his own while calloused hands slid their way to his back which made his body arch just slightly against Sai's.

The raven released the blonde's lips and lightly smacked the tempting ass his hands had been exploring before he stepped away from his lover. "I'm going to take a shower. Think you can manage to have this done by the time I get out?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, indicating the contents on the stove.

Though the kiss was brief and lacked any real deepness, just short and sweet, it was still enough to cloud the blonde’s brain a bit as he enjoyed the sweet taste of his lover's lips. He was brought back to reality moments later however at the light smack to his ass, making him yelp slightly in surprise before blushing faintly and grinning slightly.

He glanced at the stove that Sai indicated as he spoke before he nodded, " Oh yea, it’s almost done so once you're done it should be ready. "

Sai smiled at his lover before caressing a scarred cheek. "That's my good boy." he said before making his way out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.

His shower was most welcome and relaxed the tired muscles from traveling. The raven didn't take long under the hot spray, wanting nothing else than to eat and spend time with his blonde love. Turning off the water, Sai stepped out and dried off quickly before making his way to their shared bedroom completely nude. He dressed quickly in a simple pair of black pants and a black shirt before heading back into the kitchen where Naruto was just finishing the process of plating the food.

Naruto hummed to himself lightly as he finished up cooking their meal with a bit of time to spare while Sai showered and by the time his lover emerged he was already setting a plate for him, the dinner piping hot and waiting for Sai once he came into the kitchen. " Dinner is served...I hope you enjoy it.." he said and smiled at Sai. He then made a plate for himself and then sat down in the chair across from his lover.

Sai sat down at the table and looked at what the blonde had prepared. "It looks very good." he said with a smile before taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully. "Spending time in the kitchen has been good for you it seems." He continued to eat slowly as he watched the blonde across from him. "So... what did you do all day?"

Naruto lifted his gaze from his plate to look at Sai as he spoke, chewing the food he had in his mouth before he swallowed to reply, licking his lips lightly. " I guess it has...I learnt to cook more than just ramen, " he chuckled lightly before going on, " I didn't do too much, just puttered around the house...straightening things up a bit. "

He took another mouthful of food, chewing it before swallowing again. " How was your mission, did it go well?" he asked though he expected it did since Sai was in such a good mood and Sai's missions usually did go well, he was an excellent shinobi.

"It went as well as expected." Sai shrugged as if it wasn't a huge deal. "So... No one came over to see you? I know you know a lot of people..." Sai didn't like to think of himself as a jealous lover but in all honesty, he had to admit it. It was only natural to fear the one you loved being stolen away from you. Sometimes it was hard for his blonde lover to understand that fact.

As Sai asked about anyone visiting he paused for a moment and sort of pushed his food around with his fork. He contemplated not telling Sai about his visitor...he could get rather jealous, but ultimately it was probably better to tell him rather than keep it from him. Lying about it would only make things worse, and it wasn't like he was doing anything with the Uchiha. " Well, Sasuke came by for a bit, he didn't stay long though, just to say hi...." he said before he looked at Sai.

Sai said nothing as he looked at his lover. Sasuke... that stupid Uchiha had no business doing anything with his blonde. He didn't really care that they had been friends once, what bothered him most was that they were STILL friends, after everything that jack-ass did to Naruto. He stood up, not really hungry anymore. "I don't want you talking to him anymore. Why would you even want to be friends with someone like that? He shouldn't have even been allowed back here." With that, the pale raven left the kitchen, telling Naruto to clean up when he was done and left the blonde there to finish dinner by himself.

Naruto withdrew slightly as Sai's demeanor changed, he could see it on the other male's face. He looked at Sai as he stood up before frowning as the other spoke. He didn't like that Sai didn't want him to see Sasuke anymore, the Uchiha meant a lot to him and he opened his mouth to say something but Sai was already leaving the kitchen. He sighed lightly as he looked down at his plate and he too didn't really feel much like finishing, poking slightly at his food with his chopsticks. Perhaps he shouldn't have said anything to Sai about Sasuke....but he was afraid of what would happen if he lied to him and Sai found out he was spending time with Sasuke.

He shook his head lightly before he got up, taking his and Sai's plate to the garbage before scraping the plates clean then setting them in the sink before he turned on the hot water to wash them. He cleaned up what was left of their meal, putting the leftovers in the fridge before the rest of the dishes went in the sink. He began to wash them, setting them aside once they were clean after rinsing them, deciding he'd let them dry on their own.

Sai sat in the bedroom, staring at nothing in particular as thoughts ran rampant through his mind. What kinds of things could Naruto have been doing all the times he was out on missions? There was so much room for opportunity that it disgusted the pale man. He trusted Naruto to an extent; at least his lover didn't lie to him, he gave him that much. But he still couldn't get the images of Sasuke and Naruto doing things that they shouldn't be doing out of his head.

In a pissed off mood, Sai made his way into the living room and sat on the couch to read; that always seemed to relax him.


Naruto glanced behind him as he heard Sai moving around as the raven-haired male made his way to the living room. He decided to let Sai calm down a bit before he went to him. He didn't like that Sai was angry but he knew he should let him be until he had a chance to relax a bit. He took his time doing the dishes and once he did finish them he decided to approach Sai. He dried his hands off and hung the towel back up before he walked into the living room, glancing at Sai as he sat reading a book before he moved over and sat down next to him, silent for a few moments before he collected his thoughts and spoke. " You...know you can trust me Sai...don't you?..." he asked softly.

Sai didn't look up as he continued to read. "I hope I can." he stated mildly as he turned the page. "At least you didn't lie. Either way, it's him I don't trust; always coming over and seeing you. Why the fuck would he want to be friends with you all of a sudden? He hated you." Sai had closed his book at this point and was glaring at the blonde.

"I thought when we got together you'd forget about him. But no, you still kept talking about him like he was your lover or something. And now that he's back... Never mind, just don't talk to me right now." He opened his book again, scooting a bit farther away from Naruto as he did so.

Naruto frowned and felt hurt that Sai wasn't sure he could trust him or not and he looked away from his glaring eyes as Sai spoke but he shook his head lightly before he stood up. " I never said that I would forget him...I...I thought it would be obvious that I'd never let him go.....that friends mean everything to me and that I'd do anything for them..." he said. " I don't think I can just stop seeing him..." he said.

Sai snapped his book shut once more and set it down on the coffee table. He stood up and towered over the blonde sitting on the couch. "You don't think you can stop seeing him? Are you sure you can't do that one little thing for me?" He harshly grabbed Naruto's chin, forcing his lover to look at him. "He better not come into this house again, do you understand me?" He asked as his grip became tighter with each word he spoke.

Fear gripped the blond as Sai snapped his book shut and stood to tower over him where he sat. His hands gripped the couch beneath him and he made a pained noise as Sai grabbed hold of his chin roughly to force him to look up. He whimpered softly as Sai's grip tightened. " Y..Yes..." he said in reply.

Sai instantly smiled at his lover and let go of Naruto's face, caressing the tanned cheek with the same hand that had just gripped his chin harshly.

He sat down once more and beckoned the blonde to him with an outstretched hand. "Come here baby."

Naruto felt a bit of the fear melt away as Sai smiled at him once he complied and his hand let go then gently caressed his cheek before he moved back to sit down. Naruto glanced at his lover as he beckoned him and though he wasn't really in the mood now to sit with Sai, he didn't wish to anger him again.

He stood up from his spot and quickly moved over a few feet so he could sit with Sai though he was on edge now but he tried not to show it.

The raven wrapped his arms around Naruto and pulled the blonde closer before kissing him fiercely, forcing his tongue passed Naruto’s lips, not letting the other have a choice in the matter. His hands wandered freely over his lover's body, touching whatever he pleased.

He broke away from the kiss just as fiercely and nipped at the blonde's lip hard enough to hurt before speaking. "Don't ever think for a second that I'll let anyone else take you from me."

Naruto leaned into Sai as his arms enveloped him and he was pulled closer, then forced into a rather fierce kiss. He gripped Sai's shirt lightly in his fingers, a soft whimper muffled by Sai's mouth as he pushed his tongue past his lips to taste him while his hands groped their way over his body. And though there was a forcefulness to Sai's actions, it still made his body react...exciting him slightly.

He panted heavily once the kiss was broken before yelping softly as Sai nipped his lip and he gazed at him before nodding lightly. " I...I'm not going anywhere Sai...." he said softly.

Sai nodded as he pulled Naruto in again to rest against his chest as the ran fingers through golden locks.

His mind couldn't be deterred from Sasuke however; the only other man that seems to be able to get his blonde's undivided attention. He decided to drop it for now though since Naruto seemed to be extra sensitive today. "I love you." he stated simply as he ran a hand across Naruto's ass and in between his legs in a gentle caress.

Naruto allowed Sai to pull him close and he gave a soft sigh as he leaned into his lover, closing his eyes at the feel of Sai's pale fingers moving through his soft hair. It felt nice and even though Sai's actions earlier made him slightly fearful, his affection now made up for it. He couldn't blame Sai for being jealous..After all he did have a very close relationship with Sasuke and anyone he'd be with would feel threatened by it.

He smiled softly and let out a soft purr at the feel of Sai's hand as it gently caressed his more sensitive areas, " I love you too Sai. " He pulled down the collar of Sai's shirt slightly to expose more of his neck and chest before he gently kissed the hollow of his throat.

The pale man sighed in contentment at the attention his lover was returning. It felt good to know that Naruto only had eyes for him, even if he felt a bit jealous of Sasuke. A thought came into his head immediately after the blonde began kissing him; Naruto hadn't seemed this responsive until mentions of Sasuke were made...

Sai took his hands off Naruto and pulled the blonde away so he was at arm’s length as he stared critically at his lover. "Do you think he's attractive?" he asked, needing to know the answer desperately for some reason.

Naruto was rather confused when Sai's hands left his body and suddenly pulled him away. He stared back at Sai, wondering if he'd done something wrong. At Sai's question he frowned, reluctant to answer it but he knew he had to answer his lover. " I...w..Well he is good looking...but...what does that matter, I'm with you.." he said.

"It matters." was all he said before pushing the blonde off him and standing up. "It matters because while you're in my arms, your thinking about him; aren't you?" He looked down at the blonde on the couch. "I see how you two look at each other, I know how badly he wants you and you want him just as badly."

Naruto oomphed slightly as Sai pushed him off and stood up, now standing over him once again as he sat on the couch. He shook his head quickly as he looked up at Sai as he accused him. " No....that's not true, when I'm with you I'm thinking of you Sai..." he said, " I only want you!!! "

Quick as wind, Sai slammed the blonde against the back of couch, his knee embedding into Naruto's stomach and a hand gripping his lover's hair and yanking his head up to look at him. "So... you want only me do you? Prove it." His words were calm despite his harsh actions and the raven quickly pulled out his erection. "Suck."

Naruto didn't have the time to react as Sai slammed him into the back of the couch and he felt something hard hit him in the stomach and all the air from his lungs were knocked out of him. He coughed and doubled over and it took him a few moments to realize it was Sai's knee that had hit him. He hadn't the time to catch his breath before Sai's hand grabbed his hair roughly and forced his head up. He gasped for breath as his blue eyes looked fearfully up at Sai before his lover pulled himself from his pants and demanded he blow him. " S..Sai...p..Please..." he whimpered, trying to pull back a bit.

"You don't want me now?" Sai asked sweetly as he dug his knee harder into the toned abs of his lover. His hand found Naruto's jaw once more and pressed hard enough to force his lover's mouth open before sliding his hard length into the delicious warmth. "That wasn't difficult was it?" He began a slow pace, not letting Naruto adjust but didn't go far enough to choke his lover; he wasn't that cruel.

Naruto hissed as Sai's knee drove itself harder into his stomach and Sai's hand forced open his mouth before he could speak a reply. He then felt the raven’s hard cock push its way into his mouth as Sai forced him to suck him off.

He closed his lips around Sai, knowing that he had no choice in the matter though he was glad that Sai wasn't as cruel as to force himself down his throat.

The raven finally removed his knee and placed his foot just at Naruto's side instead so he could have better leverage of himself but kept the firm grip on the blonde's hair and jaw and he thrust in and out of the moist cavern.

It didn't take him long to reach his climax and he pulled out before he sprayed his seed all over the other's clothing and face.

After catching his breath, he looked down at his lover and smiled gently before leaning down to kiss the panting lips, not being deterred whatsoever by Naruto's flinch. "Just as good as always." he said before pulling his pants back up and grabbing his book before heading to the bedroom and closing the door gently behind him.


Naruto closed his eyes, feeling tears well up as Sai thrust himself into his mouth while removing his knee from his stomach. He whimpered softly as Sai used him for his own satisfaction and when he finished, his thick white essence spilled out onto him.

He breathed heavily as Sai removed himself from his mouth before leaning down to kiss his lips. He turned away from the raven as he moved away from him and pulled his pants up, quickly disappearing with his book to the bedroom. Once the other was closed up in the room, Naruto quickly got up and moved to the bathroom to clean himself up, tears already streaming from his eyes as he grabbed a towel to wipe the other’s cum from his face before stripping off his soiled shirt.

He felt so used as he stood looking in the mirror before him, his eyes already becoming red and puffy from the tears. He quickly wiped them away with his arm before he took the soiled towel and shirt to the laundry room, tossing them on the floor with the rest of the clothes before he grabbed a clean t-shirt and threw it on. He then moved to the couch in the living room before he sat down on it and drew his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he buried his face into his knees. It was his own fault...he knew that, he shouldn't have mentioned Sasuke at all. He knew how jealous Sai was of him and it only made things worse when he said anything about the Uchiha. He was suppose to be with Sai but it was always Sasuke this and Sasuke that with him...it was no wonder that Sai got angry.

It was a few hours before Sai made his reappearance in the living room and the pale ANBU saw his lover curled up on the couch. He approached the sleeping blonde and sat down next to him as best as he could with the limited room he had and ran a hand down the quickly bruising jaw.

He leaned down to place a kiss to Naruto's lips and was pleased to see those beautiful eyes open from sleep.


Naruto had fallen into a dreamless sleep not long after curling up on the couch, remaining there until Sai came out of the bedroom. He felt his lover's lips kiss his gently, rousing him from his slumber and he opened his eyes to look at his lover, a little dazed from sleep. " Sai?..." he murmured before blinking his eyes slightly to get rid of the blurriness in his eyes. " Hm..w..what time is it?.." he asked softly.

"Almost eleven. Come to bed with me." he said softly as he kissed his lover once more. "I know I was angry earlier... I'm so sorry for hurting you." He pulled Naruto into his arms in a sweet embrace stroking gently over the bruised flesh of the blonde's jaw once more. "Please don't leave me, I'm so sorry."

Naruto gazed lightly at Sai as he kissed him before he apologized and took him into his arms. He leaned into Sai and rested his head against his chest, wincing just slightly at the dull ache in his jaw though he knew it would heal soon enough, probably by morning thanks to the demon fox inside him.

" It’s alright Sai...I won't leave you.." he said softly, " I..I'm sorry, I..should have seen that I was hurting you...I..I was selfish..and insensitive.." He closed his eyes as he listened to Sai's heartbeat in his chest, breathing in his lover's scent. " I promise....I...won't see Sasuke anymore...I just want you to be happy. " Though it felt like he was slicing his own chest open and tearing out his insides to promise that to Sai but he always did put those he loved before himself and he always would.

He knew Sasuke would come to see him again before long, he'd just have to break it to the Uchiha that they couldn't be friends anymore.

Sai smiled and stood up, easily lifting the blonde in his arms. "Thank you... that means a lot to me." He carried his lover into the bedroom and gently closed the door with his foot and made his way to the bed before laying Naruto upon it. "I have to go on another mission tomorrow." he said as he lay down next to the blonde and wrapped his arms around him.

Naruto smiled lightly as Sai lifted him up and carried him towards the bedroom. He sighed softly as his lover laid him down on the bed before quickly joining him and wrapping his arms around him, pulling him close. "Mm...I'll miss you, but I'll have dinner ready when you get home.." he said before leaning in to nuzzle his lover gently.

Sai chuckled lightly as he pulled the covers over them and turned out the light. "That would be great.. But I'm afraid I'll be gone a bit longer this time. The mission is outside Konoha, I'll be gone a week at the least, maybe longer."

Naruto's blue eyes gazed back at Sai as he pulled the covers over them and turned out the light. It was dark in the room now but he could still see his lover. He rested his hands on Sai's chest before frowning lightly. "Oh, well that's too bad but I guess you do what you have too...but I'll still miss you.." he said and smiled lightly.

"I'll miss you too. I'll probably leave before you wake up tomorrow. But I love you.... and don't forget what you promised." With that, Sai settled down and closed his eyes, wishing he had gotten to bed earlier and not looking forward to his 4am wake up.

Naruto frowned lightly as that meant he couldn't make breakfast for his lover before he left but he nodded lightly and once Sai settled on the bed he rested his head on his chest lightly. " I will....I always keep my word..." he said, " I love you too. " He yawned lightly as he curled up to Sai's warmth and closed his eyes as well, falling back to sleep rather quickly next to his lover, snoring softly.

TBC

Yeah, I know, an intense start. But that was the intention! It’s kind of scary how well I can pull off ‘abuser’. But I guess that means I’m an epic roleplayer…. Right? LOL Anyway it’s something that isn’t done too often and frankly I love the ‘abused man saved by someone’ and that’s what this story will be. So, hope you enjoyed the first chapter.

Please review!!!!