Of Samurai and Shinobi

*Is still addicted to the new Naruto ending*
Leaaaaaaaaaaaave my heaaaaaaaaaaad X-x

What have we learned today! Japanese 101.
Many people and fangirls believe that the term Yaoi means “yama nashi, ochi nashi, imi nashi”, meaning "no climax, no punch line, no meaning. However, Yaoi" can also refer to "Yamete Oshiri Ga Itai" which basically means "Stop, my ass hurts!" >3

Now, onwards with tah story X3!


Sasuke POV

Sasuke glared at his brother, or at least tried to.
He kind of felt like fainting right now, it would be utterly unacceptable though. Uchiha’s simply do not faint.

Their mother smiled brightly, tears threatening to spill from her dark eyes. Her prodigal son had returned home.

Sasuke looked at the pretty blonde attached to his older brother’s arm.
Her long locks covered one of her eyes, the rest of it was pulled up in a high ponytail.
A huge grin on her pretty face.

The youngest Uchiha scowled. ‘She’s not as pretty as Naruto…’ Sasuke thought proudly. ‘That and for a woman she’s SERIOUSLY lacking in the chest area.’
Their father stood tall and proud and smiled in amazement, a look only reserved for the ‘Uchiha prodigy’. A look that seemed to scream how much their father admired his oldest son. A look Sasuke would have given anything for to receive when he was younger…

The son of a bitch was probably glad to see that even though he left the family for several years, never looking back, his son had made the effort to find a suitable woman and return home with her. Most likely with some overdramatic story about why he hadn’t even spared a moment to write a single letter in all these years.

“I’d like you all to meet my darling wife, Deidara.”
(AN: Yes I know it’s a guy, just wait and see X3)

“Yoroshiku.”
The blond made a graceful motion, a slight blush on her smooth skinned face.
‘No adorable whiskers though.’ Sasuke’s mother and father bowed in return, the raven haired teen refused to move an inch, earning him a nasty look from his father which spoke of an upcoming ‘conversation’.

Sasuke ignored it and returned to his room, to the look of it, Jiraiya had his men search Naruto’s possessions while he had been visiting him, he already knew they wouldn’t find anything though...
He walked to one of the tatami mats on the floor and reached for a nearly invisible peace of string attached to one of the floor boards. This had been the place where he used to hide his journal, that is, before his brother found it and read it out loud. It was safe to say his father was not pleased with his ‘romantic feelings’ for his young friend.

His hatred for his brother and father had reached new levels that day.

He pulled Naruto’s more suspicious belongings out of the hidden compartment. He didn’t know why he hid it before he left, he would surely be punished if it became known he had helped a young shinobi get away with spying.

The dark haired teen sat down on his bed while examining what looked like a sharpened needle and sighed loudly, he needed time to think things through. Everything had been happening so fast, what exactly was he going to do about Naruto? He had the blonds life in his hands, quite literally.

His pale hands tightened their grip on the orange cloth.

If he made sure these items weren’t found the blond would be released soon enough and placed under surveillance. ‘He owes me…’

Some rather perverted images surfaced as he thought of several ways of how the blue eyed shinobi could repay him. It was unmistakable. Uchiha Sasuke had managed to fall in love with a certain Uzumaki Naruto. He hadn’t felt this way since ‘him’, that had happened just as fast and unexpected. Well, a little less unexpected at least.

His name was Haku, a pale long-haired boy. Most likely more ‘beautiful’ then any girl in the village. (AN: Come on people, those who didn’t guess it raise your hands X3)
A knock at the entrance to his room however quickly pulled his thoughts away from the memory, he quickly got up and put Naruto’s belongings back where he had placed them before.

“Still keeping a journal I see.”
His brother was standing in at the entrance, sliding door now open.
Apparently the ‘Uchiha Prodigy’ didn’t need permission to enter peoples bedrooms.

“That’s none of your business.”
“Why little brother, with that attitude, one would think you don’t seem very happy to see me. What would the neighbours say.”

Sasuke turned his back to his brother, not quite feeling like starting an argument right now.
“How do you like my wife? Quite a looker, isn’t she?”
“Heh…”
“Maybe when you grow up you’ll meet someone suitable as well.”
He was getting on his nerves now…
“Perhaps a farm girl.”
‘Settle down, don’t let him get to you.’
“But then again…”
Sasuke was sure he would pop a vein…
“Father told me you’re more the type to mount a man then a woman. Or is that, let a man mount you? Honestly Sasuke, I’m disappointed in you.”
The brunet turned, the hatred in his eyes made it seem like his eyes were flashing red. If looks could kill, Itachi would have been well on his way to the lowest layers of hell…

Before he could say anything though, the aforementioned ‘woman’ appeared beside her ‘loving’ husband with an amused giggle. A smile was plastered on her face as she rubbed her cheek on his shoulder.

“Goodnight little brother, we shall talk more in the morning.”

His brother turned and walked to his room, the ‘woman’ clutching his arm the entire way.
Just before entering the room however, he turned and smirked.
“Oh. And before I forget to mention it. Father and I agreed that it would be best to invite the Minamoto clan here, their daughter Yoritomi will be joining them. Do try to make a good impression, will you? There might be some hope for you after all.”

Sasuke slammed the sliding door shut. ‘That arrogant-!’
He really did NOT feel like meeting with that stuck up fawning bitch. The last time Yoritomi was here, she had been attached to his arm like a leech.
She had treated Haku like a disease though…
The girl believed that just because her family was rich, influential and powerful, she stood above all. Haku apparently hadn’t been good enough to be in her ‘divine’ presence.

He could already picture his father merrily planning their wedding. As common with samurai,
a marriage was arranged by someone with same or higher rank than those marrying. For samurai in upper ranks this was a necessity, his father was more interested in the large dowry she had to offer though.

While grumbling about evil brothers, flatchested bitches and the likes, he settled into his futon, sparing a glance at the empty one beside him and grumbled some more. Hitting his pillow for good measure.

Naruto POV

This prison sucked. Big time.
Turning around without waking up because of the awful sounds the pathetic excuse of a bed made was practically impossible.

The place was cold, the toilet looked like a germ-farm and there was this strange smell in the air. The type you recognized, but you couldn’t quite make it out where you’d smelled it before.

To top it all off, there had been a shift of guards about ten minutes ago. But rather then the first guard packing up and going home, the two of them were going at it like rabbits on the creaking desk just around the corner. Suddenly he thanked the bed for making such a racket, for if Naruto had fallen asleep he would have most likely had a nightmare involving a balding skinny guard and the huge over weighted man humping him. The current mental images were bad enough…

He could hear the other imprisoned shinobi whimper. At least Naruto wasn’t going to be the only one suffering from a trauma after this. He understood lying to people was bad, but this was cruel and unusual punishment! Even Tsunade wouldn’t be this cruel! Or…perhaps she would… She was good at making up horrible punishments, he still remembered the one she came up with after he had once again been ‘creative with paint’ and had ‘decorated’ the hokage’s carved faces. He normally never did repeated performances, but that had been a special occasion.

Sandaime had died about a day before said repeated performance. The old man had dealt with a huge amount of Naruto’s pranks throughout his life. That one particular joke had actually amused the old fart. So, the blond, deciding against his better judgement as a professional prankster, that he’d honour the old man by supplying his carved ‘twin’ with some colour to brighten up the place a little.

Tsunade had not been amused, to say the least…

He had been forced to do the lamest missions possible for a month. As a young genin he had thought that the low level missions Sandaime had given him and his team couldn’t get any worse, he was forced to reconsider that thought. A month of heavy yet useless work totally unfit for even the weakest of shinobi’s. Even the pay had sucked.

Currently, he couldn’t decide which of the two psychotic leaders was worse. The old pervert or the old hag. Tough choice.

The grunts and moans finally stopped.

‘Maybe I’ll actually get some sleep around here!’

The blond seemed to have jinxed his chance for sleep however, as someone knocked on the door and the guards suddenly scrambled to get their clothes on and make the place appear normal.

‘Good luck with that.’ Naruto thought sarcastically. He seriously hoped they got caught by whoever decided to visit at this hour as a little punishment for scarring him for the rest of his life, however long he still had to live though.

The door opened while they were frantically arranging their clothes, their ruffled appearance earned them a raised eyebrow from the person visiting. The perverted Sannin stood before him looking rather disturbed, apparently he didn’t like the mental images much either.
Naruto tried to look cool and unaffected as the former look was followed by an intense stare. It was one of those typical, ‘you will break, cower and sweat and tell me all of your secrets before the night is over’ looks. Iruka sensei had been good with those…

“What do you want now old man.”
“Your belongings have been searched…”

Naruto sighed at that, he should have seen it coming.
‘Death sentence here we come.’
The next part surprised him however.
“And we have concluded that none of the items in your possession are suspicious. I deeply apologize for treating you as anything but a hero. We are in your debt. If you hadn’t caught the shinobi spy, he might have given away valuable information that could cost us our lives.”

Had his blue eyes grown any larger, they might have fallen out.
‘But how?! How could he not find a full set of shinobi gear suspicious?! How did-‘
Only one name was necessary to explain it all.
‘Sasuke…’
The brunet had been so angry with him…yet he still helped him escape a death sentence? ‘He’s risking everything by helping me, what did I do to gain his trust?’ He owed him an explanation to say the least.
“Then I’m free to go?”
“Yes you are, that and to make up for your rather disturbing evening, I’m inviting you to spend the night at my home.”
Jiraiya opened the cell door and allowed Naruto to step outside.
“That had better not mean anything perverted.”
That earned him a smack on the head.
“You may be of the hook ‘hero’ brat, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to show respect to your elders.”
“Whatever ero-sannin…”
“That’s Jiraiya-sama dammit!”

This would most likely be an interesting night.
‘Might as well enjoy sleeping in a warm comfortable futon tonight, ‘cause I have the feeling Sasuke’s going to be itching for that explanation…perhaps confessing isn’t such a bad idea after all.’


(AN: I wanted to end it here, but I decided to write some more, aren’t I merciful X3)

Sasuke POV

Sasuke couldn’t sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes he would see either Naruto’s cheerful face or have rather interesting recollections of see through clothing and accidental kisses.
His newly acquired boy-on-boy fangirls would most likely have a field day if they could see him now.

The whole idea still kind of disturbed him though, the thought of being in love made him sick, yet at the same time it felt as though this huge weight had been lifted of his shoulders.
That after Haku he could still feel, regardless of the unspoken promises he had made to himself.

Before Naruto, there had been one group of psychotic women to avoid like the plague.
Now they had divided into separate groups and seemed to grow in number by the minute. Sasuke could have sworn there had been several girls there from neighbouring villages. Before Naruto, he didn’t feel the weakness known as love, not even for his family.
Before Naruto, Haku had been the only person in his life that made him ‘give a damn’. Before Naruto….life had been dull and uneventful.
He could have pictured the rest of his life being one big farce merely a few days ago. The worst part of it all, he had accepted it. Living in his brothers shadow for all eternity, marrying Minamoto Yoritomi, or someone equally annoying, having children, hopefully a son so he wouldn’t necessarily have to have any more. Sleeping in separate rooms and pretending to be a happy couple in front of everyone else, just so he wouldn’t disgrace the man who made it all possible, his father…

His abusive, good for nothing, wretch of a father.

They all would expect him to be married soon as well, just like his ‘perfect’ brother and his ‘perfect’ flatchested whore he calls a wife.

Now that he had Naruto, how was he supposed to go back to that pathetic excuse of a life?
Naruto, a blond haired blue eyed shinobi with an adorable set of whiskers marking his equally adorable skin. How could he sleep with some cold hearted woman, have children with her and pretend to be a happy couple while thinking of that high spirited young shinobi?

He couldn’t-wouldn’t let this last chance at happiness slip. The only problem was how he was going to do this, but it had to happen soon. Who knew how long Itachi would stay here. If he and Naruto got together with his brother still within the village, his parents wouldn’t be able to complain about the lack of grandchildren and an heir to their family name.
They would make Itachi stay here, wife included and he and Naruto would be able to go anywhere they wanted…

He just hoped that wherever Naruto normally lived, they really were as peaceful as the blond had implied. He somehow doubted they would welcome a samurai in their midst.

It was a risky idea, but the thought of getting out of this village managed to put his mind at ease. The young Uchiha heir finally managed to doze off.


Naruto POV

The place was a total and utter mess. Porn and paperwork everywhere.
It somehow reminded him of a typical teenage bachelors apartment…
It was totally unbecoming of a leader and made a poor impression on any houseguest that dared venture into this place of pevertedness and messiness.

Naruto loved it.

It kind of reminded him of his own place. One of the perks of being an orphan since birth is the lack of parental authority when it comes to matters such as ones bedroom. Or in Naruto’s case, his house. No-one to tell you what to do or what not to do. It could be lonely as hell, but at least he was his own man!

His pile of empty ramen packs, dirty laundry and other junk was faithfully waiting for him at home. Even that spider on the upper right corner of his bathroom would be there to greet him upon arrival, along with the equally ecstatic dust bunnies currently gathering in places such as under the bed. A place like the Uchiha home would never have allowed a spider to penetrate their sacred home. And as nice as it was to sleep in a place that luxurious, he preferred dust bunnies over fine art any day.

“You can sleep over here brat.”

Naruto let the brat comment slide and walked over to a small room with a common futon in it. No silk embroided sheets, but a normal futon.

“Don’t make too much noise sine I sleep in the next room. I would hate to miss my beauty sleep.”

“Yeah, we all know you need it.”
After earning himself yet another smack on the head, he walked to the futon.
The blond stripped down to his underwear and snuggled into the blankets.
For all he knew it could be his last, at least if Sasuke managed to get his hands on him tomorrow…


Sasuke POV

‘Where is he?!’
The young Uchiha was searching around for the object of his newly awaked affection frantically.
‘Jiraiya wouldn’t execute him without a reason would he?’
Then he remembered Naruto’s sharp tongue when it came to verbal communication.

Upon arriving at the holding cells this morning, he noticed the blue eyed shinobi wasn’t in his cell. The guard who had been positioned there didn’t know where he was either and only offered him ‘Maybe his death sentence was carried out, you should check the graveyard’.

He had hid the man for that…
No-one messes with a distraught Uchiha and gets away with it.
Especially not when it involves important matters such as adorable whisker marked blue eyed blondes!
Indeed, an Uchiha in love is a frightening thing to say the least.
Most likely even more frightening then the fangirls that lived inside this village…

“Ohayou Sasuke!”
The raven haired samurai nearly jumped out of his skin, he turned around slowly, suppressing the urge to strangle the currently happily grinning moron standing behind him.

“Where were you?” He asked calmly, but with a tone that would make even the toughest of warriors piss their pants.

“Eh…I was at t-the old man’s place. H-he offered to l-let me stay at his place ehehehehe…”
In any other situation the look on the idiots face would have been hilarious.

“And you didn’t think once to tell me that before you had me thinking you were dead?”
“Geez Sasuke, you sound like an angry wife or something…”
That had been a bad idea to say that, it earned him a bump on the head to go along with the ones he had gotten from Jiraiya.

“What is it with everyone and smacking me on the head?!”
Someone other then him had been manhandling the blond? Quickly suppressing the thought, he grabbed the shinobi’s arm and proceeded in dragging him of to the place they had first met.
The two of them needed to talk…


Naruto POV

He had woken up, limbs scattered all over the place, hair a total mess.
After yawning and stretching a little bit, he got up to get dressed, ready to start a brand new day! Or ready-ish…

He still hadn’t quite figured out what he was going to say to Sasuke. Better yet, he was more worried about what Sasuke was going to say to him. Imagine the look of surprise when said young Uchiha was walking towards the building he had been imprisoned in mere hours ago.
The young man looked kind of stressed out.

Like he hadn’t slept properly for about 4 days straight…
Naruto thought of waking up the old pervert and use him as a human shield in case Sasuke decided to be more physical then verbal in their upcoming ‘talk’.
He quickly suppressed the thought though.
Regardless of what Jiraiya had said, he was still under suspicion.

It didn’t take a great mind to figure out what the old man had been trying to pull.
He had been given the room next to Jiraiya’s to see if he did anything stupid like try an assassination. No bigger temptation then to be alone with the leader of ones opponents in a place where the target would be the most relaxed. Only an idiot would make such an obvious attempt.

The ero-sannin had most likely been on guard the entire night. Not that he could blame him for being suspicious though. It wasn’t exactly normal for a commoner to take down a shinobi – or samurai for that matter. Not that samurai would actually be able to figure out the shinobi class-system on their own. They wouldn’t be able to tell a jounin from a low-level genin.
Heck, they even had trouble determining which village a shinobi came from.

Naruto ran over to meet Sasuke, deciding cheerfulness would be the plan of attack in the battle known as Uchiha Sasuke, temperamental emo-poster boy extraordinaire.

“Ohayou Sasuke!”
The brunet turned around after nearly jumping into the air out of shock.

“Where were you?”
‘Forget Jiraiya and Tsunade, Sasuke wins, no doubt about it’
He though, as he remembered his earlier musings about which psychotic leader was crazier.

“Eh…I was at t-the old man’s place. H-he offered to l-let me stay at his place ehehehehe…” “And you didn’t think once to tell me that before you had me thinking you were dead?”
“Geez Sasuke, you sound like an angry wife or something…”
A fist came in contact with the already tender spot on his head before he could say anything else. “What is it with everyone and smacking me on the head?!”
A pale hand closed over his arm and proceeded in dragging him off, he was expecting the worst… The blond certainly hadn’t been expecting what would happen next though.


Sasuke POV

“Eh?! You want me to what?!”

He couldn’t believe he was going through with this, his parents would murder him…and that was if he was lucky.

“You heard me dobe, I want you to take me with you.”

“B-but-“

“It’s the least you could do, after all, I saved your ass from an appointment with the local executioner.”

“You seriously don’t expect me to take you with me do you? Even if I did there’s no way they would let you get near my hometown, let alone allowing you to live there!”

“They would if you helped me, I’m sure you would be able to convince them…
If not, I could pretend I’m just another visitor. Since you play the part so well, I doubt I’d have any trouble pretending to be someone else. If a moron can do it, so can I.”

“Convince them?! Have you got any idea how much trouble I’m going to be in for taking you there?! If they find out who you really are, both of our asses are gonna be on the line! And don’t call me a moron!”

“Have you got any idea how much trouble you would be in right now if Jiraiya and I sat down for a nice chat?”

He had to admit, that was really, really low. But right now he would give anything to get away from this place, that and with Itachi around, his parents wouldn’t be as persistent in chasing him down.

That and Naruto was his ticket into a safe haven even the ‘great’ Itachi wouldn’t follow, he wasn’t about to let him leave without him.

“That’s not fair Sasuke.”
“Hn.”
True, it wasn’t. But if being ‘unfair’ was necessary to convince the blue eyed shinobi, then so be it. After all, all is fair in love and war. Right?

“You’re really not gonna change your mind about this are you…”
“Hn.”
The blond sighed, clearly having given up on trying to change Sasuke’s mind.
“Exactly when do you plan on us leaving?”
“Soon.”
“Would you at least answer with more then one word teme!”
“Whatever. Just start packing when we get back, we’re leaving once my parents are distracted by the Minamoto clan.”
“The who?”
It was Sasuke’s turn to sigh. He really didn’t feel like waiting for another day, but if he left before the Minamoto’s arrived, his presence would be missed and their ‘adventure’ would be cut short.
It was best to leave either while they were present, or upon their departure.
He knew they wouldn’t stay for very long, they always complained about how the ‘neighbourhood of the Uchiha family was getting bad’ ever since the shinobi’s started their private war. The family that used to live beside them had been prestigious and wealthy, it wasn’t as if their reputation and money could protect them from enemies, quite the opposite. Allowing yourself to grow weak was an even greater mistake.

The family that had moved in when the Masamori clan met their untimely end, wasn’t nearly as prestigious and barely had any money, which wasn’t strange with half a dozen mouths to feed. Not even including the parents.

Rumour has it that most of those children, if not all of them, didn’t even belong to the couple. The wife was said to be barren and all of the children were either orphaned or disowned.
They had been called ‘leeches to society’ by Minamoto Musashi and his family and Jiraiya a fool to even allow such people to move into such a lovely house.

A lot could be said about their elder, true, he could be a bit of a fool from time to time.
But allowing people ‘less fortunate’ to stay in their village wasn’t foolish. The old man would gladly sacrifice his own life for everyone in the village, protecting his people meant everything for him…that and his strange obsession with pornography…

“Oi! Sasuke!”
The Uchiha was startled out of his trail of thoughts. Naruto was glaring, or rather attempting to glare at him. That look most likely wouldn’t even frighten a rabbit.
Last evening had been different though. He had looked like someone else.
Stealthy, crafty, silent and deadly. A real shinobi. To be honest, he was slightly impressed.
“Hey! Would you stop zoning out like that! All that staring is giving me the creeps.
You’re not thinking anything perverted are you?”
“Shut up idiot, I already told you I’m not a pervert.”

“That’s a matter of opinion…
Itai! Stop hitting me on the head already! If I grow bald in that place I’m gonna hold you responsible!”
“Bald? Perhaps it would be an improvement.”
“What?!”
He knew what was coming next.
“I’m not talking to you!”
‘I knew it.’
He cracked a smile, a tiny one mind you, when he saw Naruto pout while mumbling insults obviously meant for him.
‘This is going to be one interesting trip.’ He could hardly wait.

TBC