Teach Me

AN: Just made a few changes and additions to fill this chapter out better. You might skim it a bit towards the end where Sakura trains with Shino to see a bit of his story, but you're not missing anything vital if you don't

Confrontations and Lessons

Sakura stood at the gate of his family complex, twisting the handkerchief in her hands nervously. She didn’t know if she could do this; she didn’t know if she could see him and not kill him for what he’d done. Throwing up was a very really possibility too. But he was here now, waiting, he’d already sent a message to her in the form of a tiny jewel colored beetle. It had landed on her hand and calmly refused to be brushed away, simply fluttering its wings at her and holding tight with prickly little claws.

Now as she pushed the gate open and walked towards his house, she wondered if it would have been better to ignore the tiny creature. After the way she’d left the club last night, after the way she’d screamed at him, how could she hope to keep her cool any better today? How could she look at him and not hate him, not hurt him? She should have stayed home. Instead she found herself staring at the smooth white paper of his private rooms, while the beetle fluttered away to find him.

When he slid the door open to admit her, dressed in a simple, black, shinobi uniform and dark glass, she almost balked again and ran. But, with a shuddering breath, she drew up her courage and stepped inside, flinching as the door slid shut behind her. “Sakura,” he greeted her in a painfully polite voice.

“Shino,” she said on a whisper, handing him his handkerchief without looking at him. She’d never washed it, too angry and bitter to do anything but stash it in the back of a drawer. It still bore the faintly yellowed and rusty streaks from that night; a cruel reminder to them both.

He stood silently a few steps away, turning the soiled cloth over in his fingers while she looked around the room. It appeared to be set up for receiving company as it held only a small table, with tea set out, and a few chairs. She was endlessly grateful it wasn’t his bedroom.

Shino cleared his throat uncomfortably, “Sakura, I’m so very sorry about…what happened. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I know I did, and I’m sorry. More than I can ever express to you.”

Sakura looked at him and tried to speak but her voice didn’t work. Her heart was pounding and her throat suddenly closing as she felt the anger and betrayal she’d been suppressing for weeks boil up inside; far stronger than the night before. A roaring filled her ears and blackness closed around the edges of her vision until the only sound she could hear was the sharp report of her slap and his startled grunt. She came back to herself a moment later, shocked to see him suddenly sitting on the floor, looking rather stunned himself.

And then suddenly her voice was working and she was screaming at him. “You bastard! You fucking bastard! How could you do that to me Shino? How could you take on a mission where your target was me? I thought we were friends!” The words came out in a rush that she couldn’t control, nor did she want to at the moment.

Shino pulled off his glasses, wincing as he touched a bloody spot where they’d cut into his cheek. “I couldn’t let the others get to you first.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she yelled tears streaming down her face now. “Fuck Shino! I thought we were friends,” she repeated, “friendly colleagues at the very least.”

“You didn’t see some of them that day! You didn’t see the look in their eyes when the order came in,” he ground out roughly. He rubbed his eyes and stood swiftly, pacing in agitation. She’d never seen him actually pace before, let alone look upset at the same time. “Some of them even started talking about how they’d go about it and how they wondered if you’d scream and cry. They laughed with each other and said they hoped you’d fight back a little too; it'd be more fun that way. I couldn’t let those guys get to you and use a mission as an excuse to hurt you. At least if I did it, I knew that you wouldn’t be in the hospital that next day, or worse, dead. I’m not proud of it. I don’t feel like I saved you or anything, I just couldn’t let them do it...even if it meant you'd hate me for it.” He stopped and turned to look at her sadly. “You really were my friend and colleague. I couldn’t stand by and let them hurt you like that.”

“Couldn’t you have come to me and told me instead?” she pleaded in an emotion choked voice. “Couldn’t we have just pretended that you’d done it?”

“What purpose would that have served Sakura?” he asked sadly. “She’d find out and send others. I was watched from the moment I took the mission to the moment I arrived home, probably for the very reason you're suggesting,” he sighed, shoulders drooping. So his partner had been more supervision than anything else, apparently. Who had it been? Another of her friends perhaps or was it a stranger; which was worse? “I’m still worried that she’ll send someone else. I couldn’t bring myself to do what I was supposed to do. We were supposed to capture you and…well you weren’t supposed to be able to walk much the next day. I couldn’t do it though.” He shook his head and then froze to stare at her, realizing he’d been away for a bit, “Was there another?” He took a step towards her and reached out for a moment in concern, then thought better of it and let his hand drop.

She looked at him sadly, then shook her head and dropped her gaze to the floor. “No one. She said she was going to call off the order, but I think she’s waiting for me to let my guard down. I can barely sleep or eat now. I hate knowing it’s coming, but not when. If I can’t fight off a rapist that’s trying to be nice about it, I don’t think I’ll survive someone who isn’t.”

“Why didn’t you fight me?” he implored softly, dark eyes studying her thoughtfully. “You’re a kunoichi. I've seen you open craters in the earth bigger than this building. I fully expected to end up in the hospital that night...but you didn't do anything. Why?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t know what happened, I just couldn’t. I’ve never been in a situation like that before, so I didn’t know what to do. It was so confusing too, with it being someone I likely knew and trusted.”

“Do you think you will ever trust me again?” he asked, his hand coming up to brush away some hair from her face, but pausing and pulling back again as she jerked backwards slightly.

“Not like before,” she said in a sad, but firm voice, “Maybe never at all.”

“I see,” he nodded slightly, a pained look in his dark eyes. “I’m sorry…if that means anything to you,” he sighed sadly.

“I know you are, but I just can’t forgive you right now. With time, perhaps, but not now,” she said, turning towards the door. After all, apologizing for violating someone was hardly the same as stepping on their foot and saying 'oops, sorry!' It would take her some time to reevaluate her feelings on the insect master and what had happened between them.

“Is there anything I can do to help you feel better at least?” he asked, a note of pleading in his voice. “Something to make you feel safer?”

Sakura paused and looked back at him over her shoulder. “Yes actually. You can meet me tonight and teach me how to break out of the hold you had me in that night.” As a kunoichi she hated knowing that such a simple hold had been so effective. Not that he was weak by any means, but it still irked her.

He nodded swiftly, probably willing to do whatever she asked if it meant she’d forgive him eventually, or at least not try to kill him every time they crossed paths. “Yes of course, anything. I know a few other moves that might prove useful to you as well.”

She nodded and then turned slowly. “Another thing, take off your shirt. I want to see it. I want to see what they did to you.” It was a cruel thing to ask him, but she wasn’t feeling particular kind towards her one time friend anyway.

Shino blanched slightly, but tugged his green shirt up and off, turning slowly so she could see the scars. The word blended in with his numerous other scars, but it was still there and fairly new looking. It hadn’t faded to white like many of the others. “Why is it still there? Surely it didn't happen so recently that they'd still look like that. Why didn’t Tsunade heal it better?”

“It happened nearly three years ago. This was part of my lesson,” he said softly, his voice strained. “It’s a constant reminder of what can happen when we let our guard down.”

Sakura felt her heart harden just a tad more towards her mentor as she pushed chakra into her hands and placed them gently against the warm skin of his back. He hissed and tried to move away, but she followed him and pressed her chakra forward into his scarred back. The hum of his tenets was almost instantaneous, their excitement at the familiar, powerful chakra tangible. The sensation brought Shino to his knees and a gasp to Sakura’s lips. It was all she could do not to jerk away in the few minutes it took to fade the red word carved into his flesh to a few pale lines.

With a soft cry she pulled away, shaking her hands as if to dispel the hum of his body from her skin. Despite what had happened between them, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to feel that against her skin and between her legs. Sakura wondered what it would be like to be taken slowly by the quiet young man. She knew he’d be gentle and considerate, which made his violent betrayal even more sickening. She drew backwards towards the door, barely registering that he was sobbing softly. She had to get out of here before she forgot what he’d done, before she could pity him instead of hate him for his crime against her.

In her haste to get the door open and outside, she tripped and fell backwards into the dirt outside. He jerked around at her cry of surprise, cheeks damp and eyes confused. “I-I have to go,” she said quickly, scrambling to her feet and running as fast as she could, ignoring his voice calling her back. “I can't do this....”

Sakura couldn’t deal with this or him right now. Her mind was a jumble of confusion, anger and hatred. She didn’t know who she could trust anymore. Who was the enemy and who was her ally? Shino was both, Tsunade both, even Sasuke both. There were too many gray lines and not enough black and white.

***

Sakura was sitting on her bed later that evening, still trying to sort out her brain when a soft tap sounded on her window and Shino slipped inside. “Hey,” she whispered as he stood awkwardly at the end of her bed.

“Hey,” he mumbled back. “Sakura I’m sorry about this morning and…well about everything that has happened between us.”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighed sadly.

“Are you okay?” he asked, moving towards her and sitting on the bed as far away as he could.

“I don’t know, maybe,” she said with a shrug. “I guess I’m just having a hard time with knowing who the good guy is and who the bad is.”

Shino took off his glasses and looked sideways at her thoughtfully. “I suppose that depends on the situation and the person. To some people, you are the bad guy, but to all of your friends you’re definitely not.”

“And what happens when people become both to me?” she asked softly.

He winced slightly and shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Tell me about what happened to you,” she demanded softly. Somehow she felt she had the right to ask anything of him now, and he'd probably let her continue, out of guilt more than anything.

He was quiet for a long moment and then sighed, “I had been in ANBU for about three months, training hard and doing well. Then one morning I was out at Training Ground Ten when four ANBU surrounded me. At first I thought it was for a mission so I was relaxed and simply waiting for their message. It rapidly became apparent that there was no such thing, and they managed to capture me in about five minutes. Four ANBU were just too many for me to deal with that early on.” He paused and swallowed, his voice catching slightly as he continued. “Three of them would hold me down while a forth would take their turn on me. After the first three times I grew kind of numb with pain and didn't really fight much anymore anyway, but they still held me down. Then once they were all satisfied with their work their leader carved that word into my skin and said 'welcome to ANBU'. After that they just left. I had to drag myself to the hospital to be healed and then I reported the incident.”

“Why do they do this to us? Does it really help anything?” she asked sadly.

“It kills our innocence I think,” he explained softly. “Whatever trust we have left for our comrades, simply because they're shinobi, dies. It's an old tradition that needs to fade out, but I'm not sure it will as long as some of the more traditional shinobi are around. Maybe if Naruto does become Hokage, he can force it. After all he very nearly ripped me limb from limb when he saw me the day after...you. Maybe you know that though,” he sighed, frowning thoughtfully when she shook her head. “Tsunade stopped him and all of the others from taking revenge on me and after a while they let me come back out with them again. Only a few know it was me and I'm still not sure how that got out in the first place. Even I don't know who initiated me.”

“They didn't say. It was just a rumor going around I guess, but they didn't know who'd started it. Maybe it was part of the lesson, who knows,” she said softly. “It doesn't matter now. What's done is done and I just need to train hard so it doesn't happen again.”

“Yes, of course,” he agreed pocketing his glasses and standing up. “Let's start at the beginning then?”

She sighed and turned to lie down on her belly. “Is this about right?” she asked, pushing her hands under her pillow. Sakura didn’t want to drag this lesson out any longer than she had too, so she might as well get going.

“Yeah,” she heard him mutter softly. “Sakura is this really a good idea? I don’t particularly want to relive this and I’m positive you don’t either.”

“You’re right I don’t, so I need practice throwing off an attacker don’t I?” she growled over her shoulder. She flopped back down and sighed. “Just do it.”

Sakura felt the bed dip as he knelt and his weight shifted and he straddled her thighs. “Put your hands behind you,” he said after a moment. She swallowed and did as he asked, wondering if her trust would be misplaced once again with him. As he took her wrists in a tight grip in one hand and yanked her to her knees with the other, her heart began to pound. “We really don’t need to do this now Sakura,” he said quietly as he felt her stiffen. “I can do this when you're really ready for it.”

“Keep going,” she growled at him, forcing the fear from her voice.

Shino sighed, “Very well,” and shoved her hard into the mattress with his free hand between her shoulder blades. “The thing about this position is it puts you at my mercy. Balanced on your knees like this and held down so awkwardly, you can’t really get decent leverage. However you should have at least thrashed around until I was forced to let you go.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” she said through gritted teeth, yanked at her arms angrily and twisting as much as she could. “You’re not exactly a slouch in the muscle department Shino!”

“Then you should have done all you could, bucking your hips or kicking at me, trying to hit me in the groin. Or, the moment I came and temporarily slowed down, you should have shoved that kunai of yours into my belly,” he said calmly. “What did you do instead?” he asked softly, almost cruelly.

“Nothing,” she said softly, her voice catching. “I cried…I acted like a helpless child.” What had he done when it happened to him? Why hadn’t he fought harder? Why had he allowed them to carve nasty words into his skin? Maybe he’d done exactly what she had and frozen up in fear of what was happening to him. Maybe they had just been too strong after all.

“You’re not helpless Sakura. You’re sweet, kind and gentle,” he said, releasing her, “But you’re also fierce and strong and a very powerful kunoichi. Why didn’t you fight me? Why didn’t you come after me that night? Why didn't you track me home?”

“I don’t know!” she cried out, knocking him backwards as she came to her knees and spun to yell at him. “I was scared and hurt and I felt so betrayed, knowing that one of my friends would do such a thing. I’d gotten so confident in my training and my missions, I’d forgotten what it was like to fail, to be weak again. I felt like that crying little girl who still depended on Naruto and Sasuke to save her!”

“Sakura,” he said pushing her hair back, frowning slight as she winced at the gesture. “You don’t need anyone to save you. You’re too strong to need a hero anymore. So let’s do this again and I expect you to hurt me this time.”

Before she quite knew what had happened, he’d shoved her face first into her pillow and had her hands pinned firmly in place. She supposed that her simply slipping into position didn't really have the ring of reality to it that this did, but the forceful move unsettled her more than she wanted to admit. “I don’t see how to….”

“Fight me,” he demanded in a startlingly scary voice, shoving at her back with one hand and grinding his hips into her bottom.

That got her attention and she began to squirm under him as the panic built once more. “Stop it!” she gasped, the same blind terror of that night rushing up and enveloping her thoughts. “I don’t like this! I can't do this!” she cried as he ground against her again and wrenched her arms a little harder. “Shino!”

“I’m not your friend right now Sakura,” he growled. “Fight me or I will hurt you. Don't make it so easy to do this,” he taunted softly, grinding his hips into her so slowly that if she hadn't been so terrified, would have been erotic and arousing. As it was she could only feel the cold claws of panic clutch at her belly. “Don't make it so easy to take you down, to violate you. Hurt me! Fight me goddammit!”

“Stop it!” she cried jerking her arms hard and screaming she tried to get free. This was a stupid idea. She didn’t like to feel helpless like this, she didn’t want to remember. Yet as he thrust against her again and she felt what could only be the growing ridge of his very real erection, she couldn’t help but think that he was going to do it again. He was enjoying this and he was going to rape her all over again. “No! Shino, please!” she screamed jerking hard and spinning at the same time. Without even thinking she swung and he was suddenly slumped against the wall at the end of her bed.

Sakura stared at him wide-eyed, stunned at what had just happened. She’d gotten free! Shino groaned and shook his head a few feet away, lifting his hand to gingerly touch the tender place on his face. Her mind cleared at the small gesture and she flinched, realizing he’d been simply testing her and she’d hurt him instead. The old, sympathetic Sakura reared her head, and she instantly felt bad for hurting her one time friend; stupid as it was to feel that way after all he'd done to her. “Oh gods, Shino! Are you okay?” she asked jumping up and hurrying to him.

She’d expected him to give that small smile of his and praise her for doing such a good job, instead she found herself flat on her back, arms stretched over her head and his knees digging painfully into her thighs where he held her in place. His glasses were gone for once and a dangerous look danced in his eyes as he studied her.

“Do I look dead to you?” he growled close to her face, his breath dancing against her cheek as he panted softly from their exertions. “You did well, of course. You got free, but once again you failed to make it impossible for me to continue. Where’s your weapon, something to secure me with, why am I even conscious? So you got one hit in; I can still rape you Sakura. I can hurt you, break you, now that I know you can't stop me. Maybe I'll do what all my comrades wanted to do; do what I was trying to save you from in the first place. Clearly you don't care about your welfare anyway, since you're not even trying!” he spat, in a voice so unlike the Shino that she knew, she didn't recognize him in that moment.

Terrified and furious at his betrayal, she screamed and head butted him in the face. He grunted and relaxed his grip, enough that she twisted and rolled them until she was above him with her knee just pressed into his groin and a kunai flashing to his throat. It was a subtle threat that had him frozen in place, watching her warily, the scowl on his face melting away.

“Are we done?” she snarled. She wanted to recoil at the sensation of his cock riding up against her bare knee, but held steady. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice tonight. She was fairly certain that each failure on her part, tonight, would make this ordeal far worse than it needed to be.

“Yes,” he said softly, relaxing his grip completely and letting his hands fall to his sides. “If it’s any consolation you did very well.”

“It’s not, but thank you anyway,” she growled twisting away from him and pacing across her room to look out the window. “You…you were…hard…” she whispered after a moment. “It scared me. I thought maybe…maybe you were going to do it again.”

He was quiet behind her for a moment, but finally sighed. “I’m only a man Sakura. Sometimes people forget that about me I think. I don’t get off on hurting women, but when I’m pressed up against a beautiful woman’s bottom, my body is going to react to it, probably when it’s the least appropriate. I’d never hurt you in that way again.” His voice was rough and the underlying fury of the previous moment still lingered, but he seemed sincere enough.

“Oh,” she said softly. There was a lot more to Shino than she had realized before, she was sure of it. She'd known him most of her life, but he'd always been rather one dimensional, quiet and reserved. Now he had all of these conflicting descriptions attached to his name that her mind whirled in confusion; kind, quiet, strong, dangerous, terrifying...an unknown.

“Sakura,” he said, his clothing rustling as he shrugged and got up from the floor. “I would give anything to change what happened between us. I shouldn’t have taken that mission. I should have tried to get it canceled or changed somehow. I wish that me being here meant something far more wonderful than what it actually does.”

Sakura bit her lip and nodded. “Yeah, I wish for that too…but it didn’t happen and now we’ll just have to work through it.” She sighed and looked up at him, “I can’t hate you, no matter how hard I try, I can’t. You scare me a little and I’m not sure about you…but I don’t hate you...I don't think.”

Shino nodded, swallowing and brushing past her to hop out the window. “I’ll see you,” he said and then he was gone and she was left standing alone and wondering what would happen between them now; wondering if she would care what happened to him ever again.

***