Breaking Apart

Breaking Apart

Warnings: DARK, TWISTED FIC. RAPE. Yaoi. I am writing this a stress reliever. It is twisted and MORBID with DISTURBING IMAGES. Sorry, I do not have a beta, so this is unbetaed- read at your own risk.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. I am writing this for fun.

‘Naruto’s thoughts’
“talking”

Chapter 9: Facts and Change

‘I know he is not sleep,’ I think to myself as I stare at the ceiling absently running my fingers through Sasuke’s hair, ‘But he might as well be. I didn’t know that he could purr like this.’ I try to account for my current mood. Trying to figure out what I am feeling right now. The sound of Sasuke’s contentment forces me into a loving mood. Even the stickiness of my semen seems sweet in a way it pulls us together. 'It also helps that my body still quivers and shudders from the orgasm he just gave me,' I think wryly to myself. All of this helps to account for the sense of euphoria I feel. But I can’t help but notice the feeling of regret about us. I regeret that this is what we are. This. Us. This is it. As back-breaking as the pleasure was, I can’t help feeling a bone-deep chill and an even deeper disappointment in us.

‘This is not me.’ I think to myself as I spread Sasuke’s hair over his back and begin to tease his skin with feather light touches. ‘This may be Sasuke. But this is not me.’

‘I can’t argue with the results though,’ I think with a rare honesty. There is no mistaking the ownership Sasuke has over me. He owns me. There is also no mistaking how hard I came under his 'supervision.' And I will want that again. I will want him again. I don’t contest his ownership over my body. Even now I can barely feel the pain he caused. The memory of it is beginning to fade because it pales in comparison to the pleasure. 'The teme was right about that.’ But I can still remember the fear. ‘It is the fear that I cannot handle,’ I think even as I turn my lips to nuzzle the back of his head. ‘I cannot live with that kind of fear after what happened to me in the Sound.’ Though I feel safe with Sasuke and, against my better judgment, I trust him not to go too far, I still I cannot tap into that fear constantly without losing my mind. For a moment there, I did lose my mind. Sasuke brought me back, but I never want to experience that again.

I sigh at the contradictory desires I have right now. I know I am exactly where I want to be. I know that I enjoyed almost everything that Sasuke did to me. I know that my skin feels alive in a way that it never has before. I know that I feel very much at peace for having reduced Sasuke to this purring creature in my arms. ‘I did this. I made him this way.’ And I also know that I despise myself for thinking and feeling the way I do right now.

Sasuke betrayed me. Sasuke brings pain. These are facts I cannot forget. He is cruel and self-centered. More facts, unforgettable facts. He can make me feel like I am the only person in the world. Another fact. That I am the only person in the world to him is only an illusion. Shino is an example of that. Ugly, life-altering fact. I feel bile rise in the back of my throat as I remember him with Shino. The look on his face, that look of bliss. ‘I can’t forgive him for that.’

Still, Sasuke is…I think with a hard shudder that almost unseats Sasuke’s head on my shoulder. ‘Sasuke is like fire in bed. He is so hot. And that is a huge, not to be underrated, FACT.’ My body begins to melt in the bed as I remember how sexy Sasuke looked in full passion. ‘Hot,’ I hiss to myself. Fighting another shudder, my body reminds me how heightened my senses were towards the end and how stark and intense the pleasure felt. ‘I thought I would die from it.’ A sobering question pops into my mind, ‘But is the pleasure really worth the pain?' Not the physical pain, that is part of the pleasure- but the emotional pain. 'Is the emotional pain of a betraying Sasuke worth the physical pleasure he can bring?’ After a moment of contemplation, I think wrily to myself, ‘Probably shouldn’t answer that now, seeing Sasuke like this- helpless and content. Because right now the answer will be,‘Hell yeah, it’s worth it.’ But that may not be true at all.

Still, my questions are a warning I can't ignore. Because another uncomfortable fact is, that if I am having doubts right now, right now immediately after the best sex I’ve ever experienced, then I have serious problems with Sasuke. And good sex, even amazing, mind-blowing fucking, is not going to solve them.

“Dobe?” Sasuke blindly inquires with a rumbling voice.

'I know that tone.' It is clear that Sasuke is wondering what I am thinking. I know it must seem strange to him that I have been quiet for this long, especially after an experience like that.

“Hmm?” I respond, not willing to let Sasuke into my inner world right now.

Sasuke doesn’t respond, but his purring stops. If I wasn’t so satisfied, I would feel anxious by the way Sasuke’s body is starting to tense up. ‘I know he can’t go another round. And neither can I.’ I think assured that whatever devious scheme Sasuke is dreaming up will have to wait until later. I look up and glance at the clock. My eyes widen in shock. ‘Is it that late!?’

My stomach growls reminding me that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and it was now a little past 10 pm. ‘Were we at this that long?’ I think in amazement, knowing this entire encounter started around 6 pm.

A feeling of dread closes over me, ‘4 hours?’

“Umm, how long was that silencing jutsu supposed to last?” I ask nonchalantly feeling the mortification build.

“About 3 hours or so,” Sasuke responds lifting his head so that he could look into my face.

“Or so?” I prod further.

“That one probably lasted about 3 hours. I was kind of distracted when I performed it. It may have lasted less,” Sasuke says teasing lightly, eyes smirking.

I can’t stop the look of horror that flashes across my face as I stare at Sasuke who only seems to be feeling lazy amusement. Sakura, Shikamaru, and Neji all live in this building. Sakura is off on a mission. ‘Dodged a kunai there.’ But I am certain that Shikamaru and Neji are home. ‘They heard!’ I think scandalized.

Sasuke’s face transforms into a full smirk at my look of mortification and lifts his body off of mine so that he slips out of me. I barely suppress a moan at how the dried semen causes my skin to pull as Sasuke lifts himself and the sense of loss I feel that we are barely touching. 'I’d forgotten he was still inside of me. It seemed as if he was supposed to be there.'

As Sasuke lifts himself so that his face is hovering over mine, he whispers teasingly, “Shhh. The neighbors will hear.”

My face fires up with embarrassment. ‘Fucking teme,’ I scream in my mind. Afraid to open my mouth and be overheard.

“It’s OK, dobe. They only heard the last part when you were screaming. I thought it sounded quite wonderful myself,” Sasuke whispers softly, then continues with obvious mirth “Besides, payback is a bitch.”

I would have laughed if I weren’t so fucking embarrassed, instead I sit still trying to remain quiet because I do not trust myself to speak without yelling. At that, Sasuke laughs and kisses my reddened nose.

These walls are thin as hell. That’s why Sasuke learned the silencing jutsu in the first place. We weren’t getting much sleep with the sound of those two having sex. Who knew that Neji was a screamer? ‘Hell, who knew I was a screamer. I am going to have to eat some definite crow over this one.’

Sasuke warned me not to tease Neji, but the temptation was just too great. Imagine stoic Neji loosing his voice because of sex. The opportunity was too good to pass up. Even if Sasuke did warn me that 3 hours is not a long time my mind never registered what that was supposed to mean. ‘3 hours is 3 hours, right? So what if it is long or short. It’s just time’ It never occurred to me he would be talking about our sexual activities.

I turn my gaze back to his and hiss suspiciously, “This is your fault.”

With an amused look, Sasuke moves to sit up between my legs. “This is not my fault.”

As Sasuke unwinds the footboard irons from around my legs, I scream and point my finger at him, “Yes, it is your fault!”

“No, it isn’t. I warned you,” Sasuke responds calmly.

“Psh. What the hell kind of warning was that?” I accuse, then continue in a mocking voice, “‘3 hours is not a long time.’ How cryptic can you get?”

“Hn,” Sasuke responds as he starts massaging my legs. I hadn’t even realized they were aching. Sasuke massage was definitely making them feel more normal.

“Words, teme. ‘Hn,’ is not a word,” I respond snapping, “You let them hear us.”

Sasuke responds with a shrug, “Whatever. They would have heard us eventually.”

“Let me guess. Because 3 hours isn’t a long time, huh?” I ask sarcastically. I cluck my tongue in disgust at Sasuke's shrug and lascivious grin. My earlier disappointment and doubts ease, but do not vanish. I realize that my comfort level with Sasuke has risen dramatically. ‘But that’s not right. Aren’t I supposed to be more bashful now? More shy, not less, right?’ I ask myself. But soon my mind flashes back to how Sasuke looked with his back arched and his face alive with ecstasy, muttering about how good I felt- and suddenly being bashful doesn’t seem like the right reaction. ‘In a way, I own this man,’ I think as I watch Sasuke concentrate on servicing my abused legs. As soon as the thought pops into my mind, I banish it as silly and idealistic. ‘I own him as much as Shino ever did, which is not at all. Nobody gets to own Sasuke. But that is not good enough for me.’

"Don’t question too much tonight, dobe,” Sasuke commands staring at me. “Just let it be. There’s enough time for questions tomorrow. Tonight, we are here together.” He finishes his statement like his word is law. And even though his manner is overbearing and arrogant, it is strangely charming as well. 'What a freak I am? No one would ever accuse Sasuke of being charming. Arrogant, yes. Charming, no.'

I tilt my head to the side analyzing Sasuke, wondering if I should give into his charm. ‘Who is this man? How can he seem so caring and uncaring at the same time? Why is he so full of contradictions?’ Even with those questions running through my mind, I realize I don’t want to fight tonight. I don’t want to ask questions with answers that will hurt me. I just want to be here, right now, with Sasuke.

I watch Sasuke as he finishes massaging my legs, taking in the look of sexual satisfaction that eeks from his skin, and I yield again, “You're hungry, right?” I ask softly.

“Starving,” Sasuke responds with a smile.

The beauty of his smile almost blinds me. ‘I wish it could always be like this. But it can’t. It just can’t.’

-TBC-

Response to Reviews:

XZanayu: You think the lemon was odd? Hmmm. Longish bouts of sex involve multiple elements and anal sex really isn't always all about someone going 'balls deep'. Umm...right. That's probably too much information. I'll just stop there and say I hope you enjoy the next lemon more. :-)

Jelp: Here's your update. It's kinda short, I know. But it is an update. And, yes, Naruto finally experienced some pleasure. *wink*

Nusku: I am so glad you are sticking around through this fic! You have been reading and reviewing from the beginning. And I know I had to stretch your patience a bit, but I hope it was worth it. And yes, I definitely agree a possessive Sasuke is a good Sasuke indeed.

PlotAfictonado: Ahhh, a kindred spirit I see. *winks and smiles broadly* Thank you very much for your compliments and observations. I am really trying to put Naruto and Sasuke in a relationship with a BDSM dynamic that flows from their characters. To do this I am trying to makes those dynamics as clear as possible. I don't seem to be reaching that goal with some reviewers, if their reviews are any indication. But most of the reviewers are really great and are enjoying the story anyway. And that is ultimately what I set out to accomplish. I wanted to write a story that I would like to read (and possibly witness) that others would be entertained by no matter their *ahem* preferences. So I am so glad you are enjoying it so far. And I can't tell you how relieved I am to recieve your compliments on my depictions of BDSM (It's a little soft-core and not really the actual lifestyle, but that is mostly because Naruto is not a true sub in this fic- though Sasuke is a Dom trying not to be. Is that confusing?) Still, I am holding your compliments close to my heart. (I read them several times. I really did.)

Kaa-san: Yeah, pain is not for everybody. But pleasure...pleasure's a different story, yes?

Carmen: Thanks for your compliments! I am so glad you are sticking this fic out with me. And I especially enjoyed recieving your compliment about not rushing the lemon. I really, really forced myself to slow down, because the lemon was very important to me. I really wanted to illustrate how some people think pleasure mixed pain the ultimate in sensation. I think I lost a lot of readers going too slowly, but it was worth the result. I am satisified. So thank you for your review it was/is timely.

animehead: I am so glad you liked it! Thank you for all of your reviews. And I have to agree with you dark fics are really appealing. Although, I wish I could write pure fluff- I just can't. I really do not see Naruto characters as fluffy at all. My loss. But I do love to read fluff.

Kativachan: I am so glad you like the complete lemon. Yeah, it took some time, but I am satisified with it (a rare feeling, I think I'll savor it a bit). This chapter is a bit of a transition chapter. I'll be introducing Shikamaru and Neji soon. We'll see how that goes.

AerieTigre: Glad you liked it.

koikiz: Don't apologize for your english. I am an english speaker and I still can't proof-read worth a damn. Sickness and love, huh? Is there a difference for this Sasuke? For Naruto's sake, I hope so. I'm glad you liked the chapter though. Let me know what you think of this one, it's a bit fluffy, but I figured we all needed a break.

SapphirexKat2: A new reader? I am glad you decided to read on and were not disappointed in the risk you took by reading this fic. I recognize it as a risk too. I kinda feel like I am taking a risk writing it. I have not felt more self-conscious over any piece of writing like I have felt towards this fanfic. Hopefully, I can remain true to the story and still make it worth reading, yes?

hina88: I wondered how you would take this lemon. I could hear the strains of doubt seeping into your other reviews. I can't tell you how happy I am that you decided to stick around and continue reading this fic. And I am so glad you liked the lemon. I actually lol when I read the first line of your review. I admit the suspense was killing me. I hope you continue to read on. But this chapter has a little fluff just for you.

SharinganEyes: What!? I have a FANGIRL!? *does a victory dance* And that fangirl is SHARINGANEYES!? *faints from elation* Wow! Such high praise. I already told you I like and repect your work, so your compliments made me sit a little straighter. I have a fangirl after all, I must make myself presentable. I am very glad you liked this lemon. This is honestly the only chapter that I was satisfied with before I posted it (it took me long enough to write it,I suppose). My poor proof-reading skills aside, I really worked on this one. And you're right Sasuke lost a bit of his control- its going to take him a while to get it back (if Naruto let's him have it back that is). His decision to loose himself even for that little bit is going to cost him. And you're right, Naruto does have legitimate hang-ups because of his experiences in the Sound (you must have read my mind- one of the goals of this chapter is to bring this back up as a problem). We'll see how it goes, yes?

Thank you all so much for reviewing!