Losing Battles

Okay, before you all break out the tomatoes, I did want to update this sooner. But between being in Japan for most of July and apartment hunting/moving in August/September, finding time for fanfic was pretty hard. So here it another very late chapter, but I worked pretty hard on this one and I hope all of you can enjoy it. Here is the most difficult chapter I've ever written...


Warnings: Severe angst

Losing Battles
The Losing Battle

"Always have the situation under control, even if losing. Never betray an inward sense of defeat."

~ Arthur Ashe


Battle 23:

*Hanabi Hyuuga*

“You’re not the usual doctor,” Uchiha said. Hanabi didn’t flinch under his scrutiny. She was too curious about the famed traitor of Konoha to let his cool demeanor scare her.

“Miyake-sensei was called away on an emergency. I am filling in for him today.” She finished perusing his chart, letting the pages fall. “I have a few general questions for you before we begin.” He nodded to show he was listening. “Do you smoke?” She checked the no next to the box. “Drink more than once a day? Get frequent headaches or suffer unusual pains? Does your family have any history of disease?”

“I wouldn’t know that now, would I?” he said. Hanabi ignored it.

“Are you sexually active?” He was quiet. After a brief hesitation he nodded. “When was the last date of activity?”

“Is that really relevant?” he looked at her.

“Did you use a condom?” she shot back. “Or should I order some STD tests when I send in your blood sample? It would be pretty stupid if Konoha’s deadliest ninja died from an STD.”

“About a week ago,” Hanabi calculated. That was before the delegates from Sand returned. She tried to hide her surprise. “I used protection.” She wrote down a few orders for basic STD checks just in case.

“Any problems recently or anything out of the usual?” She pulled out her stethoscope to listen to his heartbeat. She pressed the flattened round edge to his chest.

“No problems,” his voice rumbled. His heartbeat was strong and steady.

“Take a deep breath,” she asked. She listened to the rush of air filling his lungs: in and out, inhale exhale. She shifted her position from his heart to his lungs. She listened carefully, but there were no irregularities that she could detect. She stood up straight and pulled the earpieces out. She picked up his chart again. “The locals will be glad to know that despite all rumor, you do have a functioning heart.” He cracked a wry grin. She pulled on her medical gloves and pulled out a flat wooden stick. “Say ah,” she mimicked, pressing his tongue down and flashing a light on his throat. It was a healthy pink and nothing looked amiss. She checked his ears, his eyes, made sure his temperature was okay. Everything was looking normal.

“I hear you’ve been training rather vigorously lately. Any injuries I should take a look at?” He shook his head. “Okay then,” she pulled out a rubber cord and a syringe. “Place your arm on that tray. She tied the cord around his upper arm, pulling it tight. “I need blood to run some tests.” She disinfected the hollow on the inside of his elbow. The large green vein was easily visible under his pale skin. She pulled out the syringe and slid the needle in. The dark red blood came up easily.

She could feel his eyes on her while she did it, evaluating something though she didn’t know what. “Can I help you with something Mr. Uchiha?” she asked. She concentrated on finishing her task.

“Why are you really here? Miyake doesn’t work the emergency room.” Hanabi was startled by his question. She put the syringe down carefully and calmed her rapidly beating heart. He didn’t know about the plan. He couldn’t know about it, she reminded herself. She pressed a cotton ball over the small pin prick of blood bubbling up and smoothed the tape over firmly.

“Did I say it was a medical emergency?” she smiled wittily.

She was proud when her hands didn’t shake passing him the plastic cup.

"If you can keep your wits about you while all others are losing theirs, and blaming you. The world will be yours and everything in it, what's more, you'll be a man, my son."

~ Rudyard Kipling


Battle 24:

*Ibiki*

“He’s fit,” Tsunade declared, dropping the medical file onto her desk. “Blood tests came back clean, no drugs, no irregularities and the psych ward claims he doesn’t raise a single flag. But if what his teammates are telling me has any weight, we’re looking for something deeper or he’s damn good at pretending.”

Ibiki paced the room slowly, hands clasped behind his back. He stared at the shine on his black shoes as he listened to his Hokage. “There’s one way to find out.” He stopped, turning his head to look directly at her.

Her commanding presence seemed to deflate with a sigh. “Are you sure it has to come to this?” she asked. She cared for these kids. That much was evident in the worry line between her brow and the almost regretful way she was looking at him. Ibiki didn’t let it get to him. His Hokage was a fierce woman, but these kids were a weakness of hers.

“You prefer the other alternative?” he asked firmly.

Her resolve was immediate. Her face hardened into the expression he was accustomed to dealing with before picking up the transmitter on the corner of her desk. She kept her eyes trained on him as she did so. “Umino?” she spoke into the small mic.

“Yes, Hokage-sama?” a static filled radio spoke up.

“We’re a go. Summon team seven and don’t start until we get there. You know the signal.”

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” Umino sounded less enthusiastic.

She turned off the signal and placed the transmitter back onto her desk. She looked at him expectantly, brown eyes blank. “Shall we go?”

The walk from the Hokage’s office to the observation room was quiet. Tsunade walked briskly and with purpose. His usual slow pace was interrupted, but if there was one thing he understood well, it was when to keep quiet. He met an array of startled faces on the way down. Assistants and lower level shinobi parted quickly to allow them through.

His reputation preceded him.

Tsunade threw open the innocuous looking white door to the viewing room, leaving it open for him to close. He shut it quietly and walked into the dimly lit room. He nodded curtly to Anko who was leaning against the glass. “Hokage-sama,” she straightened quickly and bowed. “Perfect timing. Uchiha-kun arrived just a few minutes ago.”

Ibiki strolled over to the window and pressed his hand firmly against the glass. “Did he say anything on the way over?”

“No,” Anko said.

The observation room was a somber white space enclosed with mirrors on three sides. One step inside and one would know it for what it was. But the trick was in making the observed feel surrounded on all sides—observed from every corner. Very few knew that only one of those mirrors was a two way.

“Did you detect any defiance in his attitude, any nervousness or concern?” Ibiki concentrated on the impassive face responding tersely to Umino’s questions. The friendly chuunin spoke pleasantly despite this, his body language continuously warm and inviting.

“He was the same as he always is. The way he looks now,” Anko sighed.

Thanks to the mirrors, Ibiki could watch him from multiple angles—the true reason behind having three mirrors. Uchiha’s face looked wan beneath the white light. He didn’t look like he slept well last night, Ibiki thought pleasantly.

The Hokage stood quietly next to him. She too watched the exchange with more than a passing interest. “Let Umino work for now. If we don’t make any progress, we’ll call in his teammates. I want Sakura there to mediate. Those two in a room alone is too dangerous. They would be too much for Umino to handle. Keep Hatake close by.” Her eyes never strayed from the conversation ahead of them. Anko waited for further orders. “That is all,” Tsunade said.

“Understood,” Anko bowed and excused herself. Ibiki nodded to her and went back to observing.

Uchiha already looked on edge. His posture was too rigid for the angle of the folding chair he was sitting on. He looked straight ahead, but failed to respond to Umino’s relaxed presence. The well known academy instructor stuck to pleasant chit chat, commenting on nothing while he waited for the signal. Ibiki was impressed by how thorough the deception was.

Anko entered the room shortly after with a small brown tray in her hands. She placed the ceramic cup in front of Umino, smiling at him as she did so. She placed Sasuke’s cup in front of him carefully, her smile a little more careful this time before bowing and quietly exiting the room.

Umino picked up the cup and took a small sip. “This must be a rather difficult time for you,” Umino said a little louder. The Hokage gave him a look and Ibiki nodded. He stepped over to the recording apparatus set up near the speaker and pressed the red button labeled “record.”

“Not particularly,” Uchiha replied.

“So you’re readjusting well?” Umino asked. He folded his hands comfortably in his lap, shifting his position and relaxing into the chair.

Uchiha’s eyes narrowed. The sharingan was dormant, but Ibiki could see him evaluating something.

“What am I doing here?” he asked.

Umino smiled. “To be honest Uchiha-kun, the Hokage is a little worried about you. She’s concerned that your return to active duty hasn’t been as… comfortable for you as she’d hoped. She asked me to talk to you, as someone who has seen you grow up … as your former teacher.”

“I’m a former rogue-nin.” Uchiha leaned back into his chair. Ibiki grinned. Umino had at least taken off the edge. “What part of this is supposed to be comfortable?”

Iruka nodded. He looked down at his clasped hands. “True. But you have friends here and people who care about you. There are some who are waiting to welcome you—waiting for the day that you call this place home again.” Umino’s large brown eyes reminded Ibiki of a doe. No wonder he was a favorite teacher.

Uchiha was quiet. His eyes relaxed into their former impassive look. “Is that it?” He sat up a little straighter. “You want to know how I feel?” He looked suspicious again.

Umino chuckled. “I’m not a shrink Sasuke-kun. I’m your former teacher. This isn’t about trying to get into your head. If it was, would they have sent me?”

“You’re the one sitting in the tank with me.” Uchiha looked in Ibiki’s direction. He kept his eyes trained on the mirror, unblinking. Ibiki wondered if perhaps he managed to sense their chakra, wondering if he could even see them. But it was black eyes and not the sharingan staring at him. Uchiha’s eyes slid to the other mirror.

“I’m afraid the counseling room was booked,” Iruka shrugged. “But the reason we’re here, as in you and me sitting together, is to discuss a few rumors.” Uchiha raised his chin. Ibiki watched for other signs of defensiveness. “The Hokage is troubled by reports of tensions within team seven. Sai has been called in to replace Haruno several times.”

Uchiha didn’t move. “Why don’t you ask her about it?”

“We will. I wanted to get your opinion first.” Umino twisted in his chair and crossed his legs. He somehow made the simple folding chair look comfortable.

“This is a waste of time.”

Umino sipped his tea calmly. “Did something happen between you and Ms. Haruno?” Iruka continued.

“No. And that’s her problem. Because nothing ever will.”

Umino lowered his half raised tea cup. His mouth opened in a silent “ah” as he nodded. “You know what they say about a woman scorned. And she’s a dangerous one,” he took another sip. “And Naruto?” Umino placed the tea cup onto the table gently. He clasped his hands over the steaming brown cup and looked at Uchiha calmly.

Ibiki looked at Uchiha expecantly. His unblinking eyes narrowed in on the raised bone of a clenched jaw. “I heard he and Sakura aren’t getting along too well either,” Umino said. Sasuke’s jaw relaxed.

He made a reach for the ceramic cup still steaming in front of him. He picked it up slowly, sniffing the top discreetly before taking a sip. He put the cup down calmly while Umino waited. “In a way, he scorned her too.”

Umino smiled. The wide scar stretching across his cheeks turned upwards with his smile. “Poor girl, I guess she feels left out.” He seemed genuinely relieved, smiling before he took another hearty sip of his drink. “Well that’s one mystery solved.” Umino’s voice faded into a quiet that stretched for what felt like minutes. Iruka thrummed his fingers against the cup. “And how is your relationship with Naruto?”

The clenched jaw was back again. “Fine,” Uchiha said.

“I hear you two are training pretty hard together,” Umino said jovially. “It’s great to see he has such a strong rival to push him.” Uchiha looked unaffected. “It must have been pretty hard on you when your teammates were sent away. I hope you understand that the Hokage didn’t do it to punish you.”

“I can’t exactly leave the country now, can I?”

Umino also picked up on the other man’s bitterness. His earlier smile drooped. “No, but that can’t be helped. It’s protocol really. I hear Naruto defended you adamantly when he heard the news.”

Sasuke smirked.

“He cares a lot about you… Naruto. I think he, more than anyone, is waiting for you to come home.”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” Sasuke replied.

“You know what I mean,” Iruka’s expression darkened. It lasted seconds at most before Iruka shook himself out of it. “Naruto worries about you more than anyone. We had all hoped that these projects you’ve been working on together were a sign that he had succeeded in helping you feel at home.”

“You mean you all hoped he reformed me.” He crossed his arms and leaned back.

Iruka’s eyes didn’t smile despite the upturned corners of his mouth. “To put it bluntly . . . yes. So it worries us when your team isn’t getting along.” Iruka paused to look at Sasuke. He leaned forward to close the distance between them. “So tell me, Sasuke-kun … how is your relationship with Naruto?”

“I said it’s fine,” he said slowly.

Iruka didn’t look convinced. He looked disappointed, but Ibiki knew he wouldn’t press the boy further. That wasn’t what he was sent there to do. “Then I guess the only problem we have to work out today is with Sakura.” A flicker of surprise crossed Uchiha’s face. “This isn’t an interrogation Sasuke, it’s meant to be a group counseling session. Team seven has been asked to come down here today to work out some of the problems you’ve been having. An intervention, if you will.”

Umino pushed his chair away from the table. The metal legs scraped against the concrete floor. The grating sound didn’t seem to affect Uchiha much, though he didn’t seem happy that his teammates would soon join them. Umino opened the door and spoke quietly to the people outside.

He held the door open for Haruno who was carrying a folding chair into the room. Uzumaki filed in behind her. “Please sit wherever you like,” Umino told them. His teammates sat on either side of Sasuke, keeping him in the middle. They both did so somberly, serious faces reflecting Uchiha’s mood. Ibiki caught the wary glance Uzumaki sent Uchiha’s way before sinking into his chair. Uchiha ignored him.

“So what’s going on?” the blond shinobi asked.

“We’re here to discuss your team, Naruto,” Umino replied. He looked cheerful despite the topic. “Hokage-sama says your teamwork has been lacking lately. She would like the three of you to work out any conflicts.”

“What conflicts?” Uzumaki asked.

Sakura huffed and crossed his arms. “You know what conflicts!” she said sharply.

“Sakura, would you like to begin?” Umino asked. Sakura relaxed at his tone. She looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. Ibiki shifted his position to see the three of them better.

Haruno looked at both of them regretfully. She squeezed her own hand, and lowered her gaze. “Things just haven’t been the same lately. Not since… not since you two started seeing each other.” She looked at both of them angrily.

Uchiha was careful to avoid her gaze. Uzumaki peered at her from around the other man, surprise clearly in his features.

“Sakura… you know that doesn’t change our friendship.”

Sakura grit her teeth and shook her head angrily. “Then why the hell didn’t you tell me about it!” Her fist landed on the table heavily. “Why couldn’t you trust me?” She searched both their faces.

Uzumaki sank back into his chair. Sakura looked at him expectantly when she realized she would receive no response from Uchiha. “I’m sorry. Sasuke asked me to keep it secret and so I did. I didn’t think…” He ran his fingers through his spiky blond hair. “We should have made you the exception.”

Sakura huffed. “Damn right. And it wouldn’t hurt if you two stopped long enough to acknowledge when I’m there. How would you like feeling you’re a third wheel every time we go anywhere?”

Uzumaki made a face. He clapped his hands together and bowed. “Forgive me, Sakura.” Uzumaki at least was being sincere. Uchiha gave him a contemptuous glare. Uzumaki caught it. His brows furrowed in thought. “But to be honest, I don’t think any of that will be a problem anymore.” Sakura raised an eyebrow. She tilted her head to the side. “We aren’t together anymore.”

Uchiha’s clenched jaw was back. He kept his arms crossed, bowing his head down to avoid both their stares. Sakura’s eyebrows knit in confusion, looking from one man to another. “Since when?”

“None of your business,” Uchiha said abruptly. “That’s between him and me.”

“Since yesterday,” Naruto ignored him. “After the debriefing last night.” Uzumaki looked down at his feet, fingers gripping the material at his knees. “I told him we shouldn’t be together anymore.”

“Yesterday? Is this because of Ga . . . Ah!” Sakura clamped a hand over her mouth. Ibiki’s eyes widened. So Uzumaki struck up his liaison with the Kazekage again. This needed to be noted. He glanced at the Hokage who watched the exchange unblinking.

Umino held up his palm to them, quieting down both sides. “Now now, I think emotions are running a little high right now and we shouldn’t let our mouths get away with us. Obviously there is more than one conflict that needs to be worked out today. Sasuke, is there a reason you didn’t mention your recent break up? Do you need to talk about it?”

“I’m fine,” he said impassively. “Everything is fine.”

“It’s not fine!” Naruto yelled. “When are you going to listen…”

“When are you going to stop speaking for both of us? If you recall, we were interrupted before I agreed.” Uzumaki bit back his response. His face paled and he shrunk back into his chair. Sakura seemed to note this response as well.

“Interrupted?” Sakura prompted. “What got interrupted?”she asked. Uzumaki shook his head. Ibiki had never seen the boisterous youth so reluctant to speak. “Ne, Naruto, what got interrupted?”

“None of your business,” Sasuke said harshly. “As I said, that’s between us.”

Umino looked at the three of them worriedly. “Shall Sakura and I leave you two to discuss this together?” Uzumaki looked up at him with a trace of fear in his eyes.

“Please,” Uchiha requested.

Sakura was watching Naruto carefully. Her green eyes narrowed and she leaned back in her chair. She crossed her arms over her chest firmly. “I’m not going anywhere.” She met the nasty look Uchiha sent her. “Personal or no, this affects the team. Either we work this out together or not at all.”

Uzumaki watched uncomfortably while his teammates stared each other down.

“So tell me Sasuke-kun,” she said sweetly. “Why did Naruto look so spooked at the idea of being alone with you? Huh? What got interrupted?” her cold stare reminded Ibiki of their Hokage on a bad day.

“It’s okay, Sakura-chan.” Uzumaki smiled forcefully. “It was nothing. Just a… bad argument.”

Uchiha smirked.

Tsunade-sama cursed next to him. “We’re not going to get a confession this way. You keep watching,” she looked at Ibiki. “Damn stubborn brat,” she muttered. She shook her head resignedly. She rushed past him to the door. “I’m sending in Hatake.”

Ibiki returned to the scene inside the observation room. He felt a bubbling of glee. Were it him inside that room right now, he’d have his confession already. He hoped Hatake wouldn’t be too soft on his team.

Ibiki shook his head, trying to concentrate on the scene inside the room. Haruno was looking worried. “Are you sure?” she addressed Uzumaki. “You can trust me, you know?”

Uzumaki nodded. “But think what you want… it’s over between us,” he said to Uchiha.

Uchiha didn’t say a word. He pushed his chair back from the table and rose quietly. “Thank you for the tea,” he said to Umino, pushing forward the still full cup. He bowed politely and began walking towards the door.

“Shit,” Ibiki muttered. He glanced towards the plain white door hoping Hatake would open it any second now. If he didn’t show up soon, their whole plan would go down the drain.

“Sasuke,” Umino placed a hand on his wrist. “Please, don’t go. I agree with Sakura. I think this needs to be worked out amongst all three of you.”

Uchiha brushed him off. Ibiki paced forward clenching his fists as Uchiha moved for the door. He muttered a curse at the famed tardy ninja and then the knob turned; and before Uchiha could touch it, in walked Hatake. Ibiki let out a rare sigh.

“Yo, sorry I’m late,” Hatake said pleasantly. “Ah, going somewhere Sasuke?” Uchiha looked a little speechless.

“I was just about to leave,” he said calmly.

Hatake grabbed him around the shoulders and steered him around. “But I just got here and what fun would it be without you?” Hatake pushed him towards the empty chair between Sakura and Naruto. Uchiha took the seat coolly. “So what did I miss?” he smiled.

“Um, well, we worked out the conflict between Sakura and the boys…”

“They were having problems?” Hatake asked surprised.

Sakura turned her nose up and harrumphed.

“They did,” Umino said carefully, “and that’s solved now. But it seems Sasuke and Naruto are having relationship problems,” Umino filled him in.

“No problems. It’s over,” Naruto insisted.

“I see,” Hatake replied. “Is that it? You two get in a spat over who bottoms again or is there something you’d like to add?” Hatake looked at both boys expectantly. Uzumaki turned his face to the floor, failing to hide its brilliant shade of red. Uchiha didn’t budge. “I was afraid of that.” Hatake leaned against one of the mirrors. He was the only one who hadn’t entered the room carrying a chair. “Iruka, you can go now. I’ll take it from here.” His eyes didn’t leave either of them.

The chuunin nodded, giving the boys one more anxious look. “Good luck you three,” he said. All four members of team seven watched him go quietly. Hatake watched him until the door closed shut. As soon as the lock clicked he returned his attention to his students.

“I was hoping we wouldn’t have to do things this way, but you’ve given me no choice.” Hatake sat down in Umino’s vacated chair. He looked at both men pointedly. “Would you like to tell me what happened last night?”

Both men avoided his gaze. They looked away, staring at the floor. All four of them sat in silence, waiting for someone to speak. Haruno fidgeted uncomfortably, glancing from one face to another. She tried to catch Uzumaki’s attention but he crossed his arms stubbornly, and kept his face turned towards the floor.

Hatake sighed. “You two always have to make things harder for yourselves.” He rubbed one eye tiredly. Ibiki realized that he probably hadn’t slept much last night. He wondered if he was up for the task. “Naruto, tell me what happened last night.”

“None of your business!” he said stubbornly. Hatake wasn’t amused.

“That wasn’t a question. That was an order.” Uzumaki stopped scowling. His face reflected the same astonishment as Haruno’s.

Uzumaki frowned, scratching his temple. He kept his eyes to the floor.

“After the debriefing, Tsunade-hag asked me to deliver something to Sasuke. I took it to his house and after I gave it to him we started to talk.” He pressed his lips together and scratched his cheek with one finger. “I told him that I didn’t think our relationship was healthy anymore and that we should break it off and we got into a big argument. Yamato-sempai interrupted us when he knocked on the door looking for me. I left, and that was it.”

Hatake watched him carefully. Uzumaki shifted in his chair, meeting Hatake’s gaze briefly before looking away.

“That’s it? Nothing else? You two didn’t throw punches?”

“No!” Uzumaki leaped from his chair. He paused, looked at both his teammates sheepishly and sat back down. “No. Yamato-sempai interrupted us before we got too carried away.”

“Is that accurate, Sasuke?” Hatake redirected his gaze to the silently amused shinobi.

“Completely,” he said. Ibiki could swear he sensed a hint of smugness.

“You’re positive?” Hatake searched both their faces.

“Yes,” Uchiha smirked.

“Then tell me why Yamato sent a clone informing the Hokage that you tried to force yourself on Naruto last night.”

Ibiki took a deep breath. The room was blanketed in silence that lasted what felt like minutes before Haruno shoved her chair back and physically lifted Uchiha from his seat.

Her fist gripped his shirt tightly, growling into his expressionless face. “What did you do to Naruto? Huh?” she shook him fiercely. “Is that what got interrupted?” she screamed at him.

“Unhand me,” Uchiha replied calmly. His fingers closed over her fist gently. She gritted her teeth, green eyes staring him down before releasing him abruptly. He fell none too gently, back down to his chair.

Hatake didn’t admonish his subordinate. Ibiki had the distinct impression that he too wanted to throttle the Uchiha heir.

Uchiha adjusted his shirt coolly, seemingly unaffected. He matched Hatake’s glare. “You can’t force what’s invited.”

“The clone testifies to hearing repeated protestations that went ignored by you.”

Haruno pulled her gloves on tighter, shaking her head and muttering angrily.

“Sakura!” Hatake growled warningly. She quieted, but not willingly. “We have a witness to an attempted rape,” Hatake said angrily. “Civilian court would let you off free if Naruto didn’t press charges.”

“But I would be tried in shinobi court,” Uchiha filled in the blanks.

“And you’re still on probation,” Hatake added.

“What does that mean?” Uzumaki asked. His head turned between the two of them frantically. “What does that mean!?” he said more urgently.

“It means he can be locked up again,” Haruno said. Her smile was chilling.

“But he didn’t do anything!” Uzumaki insisted.

“But he would have,” Hatake silenced him. “Wouldn’t you?” his eye stared into Uchiha’s. Uchiha stared back. He didn’t offer an answer. Hatake smirked. “Not exactly protesting your innocence, are you? I can only assume that means you’re guilty.”

“It was my fault!” Uzumaki yelled. “I made him angry and he was upset and not thinking straight. Right?” Uzumaki tugged on Uchiha’s shoulder. “Right!?”

“Relax, they can only charge me with an attempt. I won’t be put away long.” Uzumaki and Haruno grew very quiet. They looked at each other with understanding before glancing back at Uchiha.

“So you admit it then? No explanations, no declarations of innocence?” Hatake continued. “You admit to attacking your teammate with the intent of harming him physically and emotionally?”

“I thought this was a group counseling session,” Uchiha said. He raised an eyebrow at his former mentor.

Hatake watched him quietly for a moment. He opened up one pocket, pulled out a scroll and rested it on the table. Uchiha gave the first signs of nervousness, eying the scroll carefully.

“It was until the moment I asked Iruka to leave. Now it’s an interrogation.” There was no mirth in Hatake’s eye. “Be grateful to your Hokage,” Kakashi adjusted the headband covering half his face. He tied it up properly, revealing the famed sharingan he used even less these days. “She sent me in Ibiki’s place.”

"I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing."

~Anais Nin


Battle 25:

*Kakashi*


It had been a long time since he saw that expression. Uchiha looked up at him with fearful eyes, or as much fear as he would allow himself to show.

“I won’t restrain you, I won’t physically touch you, but don’t think I’ll go easy on you,” Kakashi said. Kakashi performed the necessary seals, tearing the skin on his thumb with his teeth and pressing his thumb down. “Kuchiyose no jutsu!” Four large dogs appeared. “You know your positions,” he told them, watching as two blocked the one exit available and the other two sat in the corners. “In case you try to escape,” he said.

“And I suppose you two are in on it as well?” Sasuke shot a scathing glare at his teammates. They responded with guilty looks.

“I requested Sakura’s presence in case someone needs medical attention. Naruto is here to make sure I don’t take things too far.”

“I thought you weren’t planning to touch me,” Sasuke said bravely. Kakashi smiled sympathetically.

“No, but what I’m doing may actually be considered worse.” He moved his fingers rapidly quickly placing each mark to activate the sharingan’s next phase. Even without the sharingan, Sasuke recognized the seal immediately. He quickly moved to activate his own and paused, dark brown eyes wide in shock.

“What have you done to me?” he asked with unnerving calm. “Why can’t I activate my sharingan?”

“It was a precaution,” Kakashi blinked carefully, adjusting to the new vision in his left eye. It caught the slightest of movements and frankly he had never gotten used to it. “You’ve been doped with a heavy chakra suppressor.”

Sasuke’s eyes locked on the brown tea cup cooling on the center of the table.

Kakashi chuckled. “If only it were that simple.” Sasuke’s panicked eyes expressed the swirling thought process going on behind that failing calm. He paused suddenly and his mouth parted slightly.

“The injection,” he guessed.

“We can thank Hanabi for that one,” Kakashi commented.

“What did she do to me?” Sasuke asked angrily.

“By now most of your chakra is useless to you. It’s still there, but your body can’t access it,” Sakura explained.

“What do you mean useless?” Sasuke asked.

“Hanabi is the star researcher on the Juugo project. She helped develop that solution to limit the availability of his chakra and prevent his outbursts. Once it hits the blood stream it takes hours to go away. At least it does for Juugo…”

“But Juugo is twice his size!” Naruto exclaimed. He looked at Sasuke with just as much worry. “Kakashi-sensei, do we really have to do this?”

Naruto wouldn’t challenge him. That much was certain, but it still pained him to see his student look up at him like that.

“Sasuke has given us no other options,” Kakashi replied. “This was the best the Hokage could think of.”

Kakashi made the hand seals quickly. He would never be as quick at it as Itachi, but right now that didn’t matter. He kept his eyes trained on Uchiha, making sure he had him where he needed to be. His eyes glazed over and his face relaxed.

Without the Sharingan, he didn’t stand a chance.

Kakashi kept his eyes trained on Sasuke’s. Even with the Mangekyo, he always had to make up for the fact that he only had one. Tsukiyomi was not his strength and he feared that too long of a lapse in eye contact would cause the jutsu to fail. He needed to catch Sasuke unawares, or not even Tsukiyomi would succeed.

Kakashi concentrated on the images he was feeding the dazed young man. In Sasuke’s mind, nothing had changed. They were all sitting quietly in the observation room while Kakashi explained to him regretfully that there were suspicions about him, that some questioned his loyalty to the village and that the rape charge was only the beginning of what would be many more allegations down the line. Sasuke listened quietly, not even aware he had been caught up in the jutsu.

He made Sakura look sympathetic and threw in a few complaints and concerns from Naruto to be safe. His questions were straight forward, offering Sasuke a chance to come clean before more aggressive methods were used to pry out wanted information.

“Oi, what’s going on,” he heard Naruto say.

“Shhh, he’s caught him in Tsukiyomi. Let him work,” Sakura replied. Both their voices faded while Kakashi concentrated on the image he was projecting. It was remarkably difficult to keep up so many details. He held the image of the observation room intact.

“We’ve been watching you closely,” Kakashi said in his vision. “Your missions, your training, your personal life… let’s just say you’ve been under close scrutiny for some time now and the reports being filed are not promising.”

Sasuke still hadn’t caught on to the genjutsu. He sat quietly, face blank and his body relaxed.

“Rumor is you’re trying to create something more powerful than your previous attacks. Not something that would work with your teammate, but against him. And we all know what types of things motivate you.” Kakashi paused, waiting for a reaction. Sasuke gave none. “Your brother is dead, Sasuke. What more could possibly be driving you?”

Sasuke’s mouth twitched at the mention of his brother.

“Was his death not satisfying enough?” Sasuke clenched his jaw. “Is this some way for you to prove yourself? Who is it you’re chasing this time?”

Sasuke was silent. But the clenched jaw remained. Kakashi knew he was on to something. He knew he needed to push him further. He recalled every detail he could concerning the elder Uchiha.

“Why so angry little brother?” Uchiha Itachi’s voice said calmly from the back of the room. In his mind, Sasuke jumped to his feet and whirled around. His physical body reflected the shock he was receiving at seeing his dead brother speak. Sasuke turned to look at Kakashi with hatred.

“This isn’t real.”

“Does that really matter?” Itachi asked. “Won’t you tell me what’s bothering you, little brother?” Sasuke rushed forward, but Sakura and Naruto held him back. When he tried to shrug them away both dogs rushed forward and clenched an ankle in each jaw. He tried to kick until they sank teeth into the flesh.

In the real world, Sasuke’s legs twitched.

“What wrong with Sasuke? He looks like he’s in pain!” Naruto’s voice was too loud. Kakashi pushed it away, concentrating on the illusion.

Itachi stepped closer to Sasuke. “What’s bothering you? Don’t you have everything you always wanted? Your home, your friends… your revenge?”

“Shut up!”

“You’ve grown so strong while I was away.”

“Shut up!” Sasuke yelled more fiercely. He struggled against his holds, ignoring the blood trickling down both ankles.

“But was that not enough? Or is there something else gnawing away at you?” Itachi smiled. “We never could condone weakness, could we?”

Sasuke’s eyes slid over to Naruto’s form quietly holding him in place. He looked at his teammate with more loathing than his brother ever earned.

“I wish you were alive,” Sasuke said, turning his head to look at his brother again. “I’d rip out your stomach, the way you did hers. And then I’d make sure that this time you didn’t die by a weaker hand.”

Itachi smiled and faded. Kakashi closed his eyes and broke off the jutsu. Sasuke’s head darted from side to side, trying to remember where he really was.

“Is it… done?” Naruto asked? Kakashi watched Sasuke carefully. He was still incensed, still angry—his words rang clearly in Kakashi’s mind.

“Naruto, Sakura, behind me, now.” He gestured to the two guard dogs in the back to step forward. His subordinates moved quickly. They knew better than to argue when he used that tone. Kakashi didn’t blink. “Who killed Itachi?”

Sasuke met his gaze defiantly. He said nothing.

“We were there that day. I heard about the fight. Everyone saw the damage afterwards, but the body was too far away for you to deliver the finishing blow. We didn’t press you because it wasn’t important at the time, but now I want to know. Who?” Kakashi slammed both palms against the table. Sakura gave a surprised gasp behind him. “This isn’t a plot on Konoha, is it? You don’t want to destroy the village. You want revenge.” Sasuke’s fist tightened. “And you’re going to tell me who.”

Sasuke was frozen in his chair. His eyes shifted slowly to look just left of him. Kakashi felt a hand touch him gently on the shoulder.

“I… I can answer that,” Naruto said soberly. Kakashi wheeled on Naruto in surprise. “It…” he paused and stared down at his feet. “It was me.”

Kakashi didn’t believe what he was hearing. He looked at Sasuke, but the brooding young man averted his eyes. He refused to look at his teammate. That could only mean it was true.

“Why didn’t you report this?” Kakashi asked.

Naruto stared at the floor. His shoulders slumped and Kakashi could see the emotions roiling behind his changing expressions.

“I couldn’t. I made a promise.”

Kakashi pulled out the chair on his side. He nodded towards it and Naruto sat down reluctantly.

“I’m sorry, but now you need to break it.” Kakashi leaned against the table. He stayed on his feet, keeping an eye on Uchiha despite the two dogs within leaping distance.

Naruto looked down at his lap. He looked up at Sasuke apologetically. “I wanted to tell you. I wanted so many times to let you know, but he made me promise. I couldn’t deny a dying man’s wish.”

Sasuke looked at Naruto finally. His hatred a moment ago had not diminished in the slightest. Kakashi put a hand on Naruto’s shoulder to encourage him.

“He was already weak when I found him. Or he found me. I can’t really tell now. And he was crying.”

“My brother did not cry!” Sasuke yelled. Kakashi shot him a warning look.

“He wanted to die by Sasuke’s hand. It had been his wish. He told me he’d been dying for some time. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I’ve thought about it a lot since then and I think he was sick. He didn’t want to die of illness. He wanted to die in battle.”

“Then why did he run like a coward?” Sasuke spat.

“He said he made a mistake,” Naruto frowned. His eyebrows furrowed into a deep line across his brow. “He said he destroyed a life. That he couldn’t face you after all.” Naruto paused. The room was heavy with silence. Kakashi looked from one solemn face to the angry young man across the table.

So Sasuke had been denied his revenge. Kakashi mused on that. Years of work had been wasted. He began to understand why Tsunade had ordered the psych evaluation. They had indeed missed a lot.

“I thought he meant you,” Naruto continued. “I thought he felt guilty about all the pain he caused you. I thought he loved you in his way and that the guilt had caused him to flee when it really mattered.”

“You don’t anymore?” Kakashi pressed.

“No,” Naruto shook his head. “I didn’t know about Karin at the time. I didn’t know…” Naruto couldn’t finish. That Sasuke had a child, Kakashi filled in the blank. Itachi had unwittingly destroyed his own innocent kin. Kakashi imagined that sort of guilt would destroy him too.

“He asked me to help him put him out of his misery. He even handed me the sword. He made me promise I’d never tell you. And that if I said anything, to tell you..” Naruto forced his eyes up. His face scrunched with pain, but his watery blue eyes refused to look away. “To tell you he was sorry.”

“Liar,” Sasuke said. “My brother was never sorry. My brother was a coward and a traitor, but he was NEVER SORRY!” Sasuke rose from his chair. Both dogs leaped into action, catching the fabric of his clothes and holding him back. “He was never sorry,” Sasuke repeated more calmly. “I should have been the one who killed him. Not an outsider like you.”

“I didn’t want to!” Naruto protested.

“That’s not how it looked from where I was standing.” Naruto’s eyes grew wide with fear again. “I saw you raise that sword and it was anything but sorry when you brought it down on his neck.”

“I was upset!”

“You should have given him to me,” Sasuke said icily. The dogs held fast to his clothes.

“He was already broken! What revenge could you have on a broken man?” Naruto yelled.

Sasuke kept his eyes on Naruto. Slowly he grinned. “None as satisfying as the revenge I’ll have on you.”

Naruto bit back whatever response he had lined up. Kakashi turned his attention on to Sasuke.

“Then you admit it. You’re conspiring to harm your teammate, a fellow Konohan?”

“You stole my brother from me. You stole my revenge! And you couldn’t even use your hands to do it.” Sasuke ignored him. His eyes were set on Naruto.

“Sasuke that’s enough!” Kakashi said. “Do you admit to conspiring to harm your teammate?” He still needed the confession. Just one confession and this could be over. And if he was lucky, Tsunade would declare him mentally unwell and pardon him.

“You were too weak to use your hands. But soon I’ll show you. Soon I’ll be stronger than you and no one will rob me of anything ever again.”

Kakashi felt the stirrings of horror. Sasuke’s words chilled him not because he uttered them with sincerity, but because he had the sinking feeling that Uchiha had gone mad. He was watching the last known Uchiha, the proud, bold, fearless student he once nurtured, falling apart before his very eyes.

“Sakura,” he said carefully. He nodded his head towards Sasuke. She glanced at him worriedly, but she gave a quick nod and fished in her pack.

Kakashi spared a glance at Naruto, but he looked every bit as spooked as Kakashi had moments ago. His expression could only be summed up in one word: haunted.

“You’re not weak, Sasuke,” he said. Sasuke’s face flinched. “You’re not weak,” Naruto repeated. Sasuke’s face began to contort in rage. “No one wants to hurt you. No one will hurt you. Not anymore.” Sasuke snarled at those last words. Both dogs tugged him back. “He’s gone, Sasuke.” The young shinobi struggled more fiercely. “Stop fighting him,” Naruto sniffled.

“He told me you never killed a man. You never dirtied your hands, always waiting for him. He convinced me to do it because if I killed him, then your hands could always stay clean. You’d never have to look at the blood on your palms and feel the weight of knowing you could have changed that person’s fate. When I raised that sword I was angry. I was so angry and I was upset because I didn’t want to kill him. But as much as he wanted to die under your hand, he also wanted to save you that pain. I wanted to save you that pain.”

A tear slid down Uchiha’s cheek. Naruto sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “I’m not stronger than you and you’re not weak. Destroying me won’t win you any prizes and it won’t bring him back. Hurt me if you want. Kill me even. But you’ll never get anywhere until you stop losing the battle against yourself.”

Uchiha stilled. Kakashi checked on Sakura who had the injection ready. He raised a hand to tell her to wait, waiting for the other’s reaction. Uchiha didn’t try to wipe away the tears winding down his cheeks. His glassy eyes looked at nothing and his fingers were unclenched at his side.

“Then why…,” he muttered quietly. His body shuddered in a sobbing breath. “Why couldn’t I be strong enough to save him?” His face twisted in pain. He let out a hoarse cry before his body began to shake with sobbing. “Why couldn’t I save my own child?” He hunched over, leaning against the table. Tears dripped onto the floor.

Kakashi let out a sigh. With some relief, he told Sakura to put away the injection and he dismissed the two dogs who promptly released Sasuke.

Naruto rose from his chair. He didn’t try to hide his own tears as he wound his way around the table. Sasuke didn’t resist when two arms encircled him and pulled him close.

“It was an accident. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” Sasuke sobbed into Naruto’s chest. The other man rubbed his back and made soothing noises. Kakashi would have left the room, but he dared not leave them alone. He glanced at Sakura who was just as speechless as he was.

He turned to look at them again, making himself watch despite how painful it was. It was never easy seeing the children one helped raise forced to become adults in the shinobi world. Some weathered it better than others. They were taught as children not to have emotions, not to give in to the things that made them weak. Revenge aside, Sasuke had always heeded that lesson well. He doubted the surviving Uchiha had allowed himself a time to mourn either his brother or his unborn child.

“Grief does terrible things to a man,” he said. He remembered blue eyes clenched and a face wild with grief. He remembered the screaming child and Kushina’s lifeless dark hair. Kakashi watched the bent form still whispering soothing words—at the spiky blond locks that reminded him so much of another.

He died that night so he wouldn’t lose you too.

“Sakura, find the Hokage. Tell her to start Uchiha’s recommendation for Konoha Asylum.”

“But the asylum is only for the certifiably insane and…” she stopped. Wide green eyes looked up at him with fright.

He nodded to let her know her conclusion was correct.

“The suicidal.”