Crazy Daze

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Turns out I should’ve taken some aspirin too, because when Amada returned it just caused a big headache for everyone. I’d been in a session with Iruka, talking about how Gaara had become less violent since he’d started fucking Neji (Iruka told me he –didn’t– need the details) when the overzealous bastard barged in, a helpless looking Shizune trailing along behind. Iruka stood up at once and pulled me around his desk, glaring at Amada. Both Kyuubi and I were amazed the asshole didn’t drop dead.

“I know Naruto-kun said he would speak to you, but he is busy at this moment.” Iruka said with a soft snarl. “Please wait outside.”

“Things like this can’t wait.”

“It’s waited years. Another hour won’t hurt anything.”

Amada’s eyes narrowed and he shifted just a bit to show his firearm. It didn’t have the effect he wanted, apparently, for Iruka only glared harder and tightened his hold on my shoulder.

- Turn away, - Kyuubi was saying, - Don’t do it. -

What?

I got my answer a second later when a silver mop appeared behind Amada. Shizune looked incredibly smug as she slipped her radio away and Kakashi neatly sidestepped Amada to circle around him, a lion moving to protect his pride. There was just one itty-bitty problem. Kakashi was dominant. So was Amada.

- This isn’t going to end well. –

No, but I bet Kakashi’d win.

- Of course. Kakashi’d win anything. -

He’s just that scary.

No, seriously. Have you seen Kakashi when he’s truly pissed off? Nothing survives. He eats you alive, man. And you’re tasty and good with ketchup. Anyway, this pissed off Kakashi kept staring down Amada, each trying to prove who was the bigger ape without actually coming to blows. In fact, I’m amazed neither one stooped to that level. Maybe it was because Iruka was in the room. I don’t know. Finally, Amada backed off, looked away from Kakashi at me, and snorted.

“You and I are going for little ride later.” He growled. I shrugged and looked up at Iruka. He was frowning, but he nodded. Apparently, everyone knew what I was going to be doing. Great.

- You should know better than to keep a secret from a shrink. -

Stuff it.

Kakashi escorted Amada from the room and wasn’t gone for more than a minute before he returned, shutting the door before there arose such a clatter that not a single soul jumped to see what was the matter. None of us wanted to see Tsunade in all her glory smothering Amada with the technicalities of legal visits. All hail the Empress of Law. I think we were all cowering in fear in the corner furthest from the door when that started.

“Naruto, are you sure about this?” Iruka whispered as Kakashi went to make sure the coast was clear.

“No,” I answered. “But if I don’t, this crap’ll go on like the fucking Energizer Bunny.”

“Watch your language.” But he sighed and nodded, reaching out to pat my head. “No matter what happens, you’ll always have a place here.”

“I know. But I gotta get Sasuke back.”

“Good luck with that, little brat.” Kakashi said. I glared at him for a moment before I gave him a wicked but innocent smile.

“I’ll have you know I made it to second base with Sasuke. That’s further than you’ll ever get with Iruka!”

There was deadly silence behind me for the longest while. I didn’t turned around; I figured Iruka was planning a discreet and quiet way to murder me. Instead, he grabbed my shoulders and shoved me out of his office. I whipped around, stumbling backwards, just in time to see Kakashi’s smirking face.

“Oh yeah!” I yelled. “–Real– mature!”

Neither of them bothered to answer.

- I said it before. This place is fucked up. -

We’re all fucked up.

- This isn’t an asylum. It’s a hotel. -

Oh, god. Just what we need, a hotel for the psychotic.

I got to my feet and let out a huge sigh. Probably should go find Tsunade, make sure she hasn’t eaten Amada. Need him to get Sasuke back, after all.

- This is going to take forever. –

No, it’s just gonna be a pain in the ass.

I found Shizune standing guard outside Tsunade’s office and the look on her face told me that my butt and the bench beside her were going to become very intimate. I held up my hands in defeat and properly situated myself on the bench in a most respectable manner.

- If you call slouching respectable. –

I do.

Kyuubi emitted a sound that was somewhere between a growl and a sigh. – Dumbass. –

Screw you.

We looked up at Shizune when the door began to open and out stormed Tsunade, cursing fire and brimstone. Amada came after, looking pleased with himself. Which only made it worse because the focus of Tsunade’s rage was Amada himself. She whirled on him and pointed, one fine, sharp, manicured, lacquered nail stabbing at his chest.

“Naruto’s a good kid, so if I hear you hurt him in any way, I swear to God above, I’ll kill you myself and let Ibiki clean up the pieces.”

Amada gave her an oily smile. “He’ll be safe with me. He’ll do what I tell him to do, and not a hair will be harmed on his chinny chin chin.”

Tsunade gave him a glare that could shrivel balls to dust before she looked at me. “Kid, do what the man says. Within reason, of course.”

I have her a mock salute before Amada pulled me to my feet, and hauled me from the building. When we got to his car he stopped me, a firm hold on the back of my neck.

“Listen up. You say what I tell you to say and you do what I tell you to do.” Man, he smelled. Like an ashtray and vodka, smelled.

“I don’t agree to anything until –after– I’ve touched – physically touched! – Sasuke.”

Amada snarled and shoved me into the back seat of the car. Kyuubi started snickering.

- Who’s dick is he wanting to suck so badly? -

Who knows. But my god, he doesn’t need someone else’s dick to suck. He’s the biggest dick I know and he sucks on his own. Kyuubi choked on his air laughing, and I just grinned to myself as I snapped the seatbelt into place. Safety first, right?