Pining

AN: Thanks for reading and special thanks for you who reviewed. This chapter is a bit longer for a change.

Hello Hmm. I feel like I took an easy way out of the situation... hope it's not too dissapointing ^.^;
llyoung Maybe I should tell more about that too... ^.^;
ALD You raised good points and now I'm thinking I should have written more about how Iruka felt after the argument with Kakashi...
BrucesGirl Thank you, can't say how happy I am after reading your comment. This chapter should shed light on Kakashi. I hope I won't disappoint you. I read the Water and it was soo sad and beautiful in its own way.


Thanks to Demosthenes for editing! I made some last minute changes, so all the mistakes and errors are solely mine ^.^

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Iruka took a deep breath. The steamy air felt good in his lungs. Ahh, this is life! Iruka luxuriated in the caressing water. It was Iruka's favorite pastime activity to go to the hot springs and afterward get a steaming bowl of ramen at Ichiraku's. The tender water fondled his knotted muscles, relaxing both his body and mind. It had been three months since that horrible Thursday evening. He hadn't seen Itachi since. After their break up things had gone better in the school with Sasuke. The boy didn't throw him threatening glances anymore and they could talk almost like they used to. Which wasn't much.

Kakashi had visited Iruka first regularly, just to make sure he was getting better, and then more and more seldom. After a month or so he only visited Iruka at the Hokage's office. Neither of them brought up again the topic they had discussed that Sunday, after that night Kakashi had spent on Iruka's couch. It took quite a while for the over politeness to die out and their casual friendship to revive. As the days and weeks went by the gashes deep inside Iruka closed up. He had come to terms with Itachi not being what he thought him to be, but he hadn't ceased blaming himself. Though he understood it wasn't solely his fault, the guilt weighted his shoulders. Not as heavy as it had before, but enough to remain unforgotten.

It was holiday time. Iruka had learned to like his time alone. He didn't long for a relationship like he had before he met Itachi. No, now he was wiser and knew that relationships weren't always what you expected them to be. He had learned to keep his wits about him and not trust people so blindly. But his kind nature didn't allow him to always expect the worst. In addition he had the best distraction ever—the schools graduation exams. And a certain blond boy had kept him busy with his tricks. Like desecrating the Hokage monument. Naruto sure knew how to make trouble.

It was a quiet night at the hot springs, greatly due to the holidays. Many traveled to visit their family or friends; others thought it was hot enough without soaking in even hotter water. Iruka leaned back and closed his eyes. The water moved his body like he was part of the liquid mass as someone slipped into the spring. Iruka enjoyed the waves and didn't bother to open his eyes. It felt so good just to lie there, let the water hold up his weight.

"Do you come here often?"

Iruka opened his eyes and smiled for the line so well-worn that it had been clichéd even before his parents were born.

"Sorry, that didn't come out right. What I meant was: I didn't know you liked hot springs so much." Kakashi smiled.

"Yeah, well there's plenty you don't know about me." Iruka answered and sat up.

Kakashi was evidently reveling in the warmth, though his face was covered with the black mask and his hitai-ate.

"So, how have you been?" Kakashi asked.

"Fine. Everything's back to normal and I'm actually enjoying my holiday." Iruka's smile showed in his eyes.

"That's nice to hear."

"And you? How are you doing?"

"Fine, fine. Had a rough mission, but I'm recovering."

The conversation died out and Iruka leaned back to enjoy himself some more. They had grown so familiar that silence didn't bother them anymore. Iruka closed his eyes and listened the little noises the water made as it gently hit the sides of the spring. He felt so peaceful, he wanted the moment to last. But as with everything, enough is enough, and soon the hot water made him thirsty.

"I have to go to shower." Iruka paused "I think I still owe you a dinner. I'm going to Ichiraku now, care to join me?"

Kakashi opened his eye slightly.

"I'm not sure if ramen counts as a dinner, but I'm hungry." he answered.

"Okay, I'll wait for you at the front."

Iruka walked to the shower room. He turned the water on. The cool droplets felt pleasantly chilly on his hot skin. He hadn't been seeing anyone after Itachi. He had thought about going out with women, but the image of a flat chest and narrow hips was the one waking him up with an erection hard enough to erupt even from the slightest touch. This was the nearest thing to a date he had had in over three months and he was feeling a bit nervous. This is silly. Why am I thinking like this was a date? It's only Kakashi. And he has already made it clear he doesn't want anything from me. He felt a slight sting in his heart at that last thought.

Shampoo foamed in his hair as Iruka massaged his scalp. It's fruity scent was fresh and not too sweet. He stepped under the shower and rinsed his hair carefully. His fingers made a squeaky sound against his clean locks. The cream conditioner had the same scent but milder and softer. It felt soft and slick in his hair. Does Kakashi use conditioner? His hair looks so spiky and wiry. A sudden desire to push his fingers through Kakashi's white shock of hair came over Iruka. He was grateful for Kakashi not being there. Trying not to think too intimately of the jounin Iruka washed himself and hurried to the dressing room. He pulled his clothes on trying not to sweat too much. The hot and steamy air made the fabric clench his skin and soon he would need another shower.


The summer day was hot. Sun shined blindingly bright as Iruka stepped out. He found a bench under a great oak, the shadow made the air pleasantly cooler. It was quiet. Iruka leaned back still relaxed from the bath. Leaves rustled in the breeze playing soft background music. After a while the door opened and Iruka straightened up. Kakashi was dressed in his jounin attire. His hair was wet but already messily spiky. Iruka waited as Kakashi walked to him unhurriedly.

"Shall we go?" Kakashi asked

"Yeah. I'm getting hungry."

Their way to Ichiraku's was filled with casual chatting. The usual natter about everything and nothing. Iruka felt comfortable. It's a wonder how sneakily a shallow friendship grows into something more. Not more like intimate but more like safe and pleasant relationship in which both can be themselves, without a need to pretend or to be careful of what to say. Iruka didn't feel the social pressure he usually felt around other people. Everyone expected him to be kind and warmhearted, it too could be a burden. But with Kakashi it was nothing like that. Kakashi didn't expect anything from him. He could just be and enjoy Kakashi's company.

There were no customers at Ichiraku's when Iruka and Kakashi arrived. They sat to the leftmost end of the desk and made their orders. Kakashi asked for a bottle of sake. It took few minutes before the sake was warmed up and ready to be served. Kakashi opened the bottle and poured two tiny cups full. Iruka clinked his cup against Kakashi's, lifted it to his lips and emptied it with one swig. The warm rice wine tasted sweet. After a few more cups Iruka stared at Kakashi, the same desire to feel the jounin's hair awakened. His hand moved of its own volition.

Iruka's fingers slid between the silvery strands. They felt thick and only slightly more wiry than his own. His fingers entwined themselves with wisps of hair, sliding closer to Kakashi's scalp. They curled and played with the hair, slightly pulling them. Suddenly he stopped, realizing what he was doing. His eyes turned to Kakashi's. The jounin's expression was unreadable. Quickly Iruka disentangled his fingers from Kakashi's hair and pulled his hand away.

"I'm... um, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I-I didn't mean to..." Iruka's voice faded.

"It's alright. Don't worry about it." Kakashi calmed him "It actually felt kind of nice."

Iruka blushed violently and turned his gaze back to the table. His hands turned the sake cup nervously around and around. He could still feel Kakashi's eye on him and he didn't know what to say. Fortunately their orders were served and Iruka could rivet his eyes on the steaming bowl of ramen. Two halves of cooked egg floated above the ramen and other ingredients. He took his chopsticks between his thumbs and forefingers, pressed his hands together and said 'itadakimasu'. He pulled the chopsticks apart and took the first mouthful. At the same time Kakashi slammed his bowl to the table and to Iruka's astonishment it was empty.

"How... No one can eat that fast! Not even Naruto." Iruka blurted.

Kakashi had pulled his mask back up and was smirking at Iruka.

"No way! It's too hot." Iruka marveled.

Kakashi only shrugged his shoulders. Iruka turned back to his own ramen. He didn't understand people who wolfed down their food. Food was to be enjoyed, with time, tasting its flavors.

While Iruka enjoyed his meal Kakashi enjoyed the rest of the sake and ordered another bottle. Iruka took a sip every now and then before he was finished with his dinner. The old owner of Ichiraku's ramen gathered their plates. Soon the second bottle of sake was consumed and Iruka was feeling a bit light-headed. They paid and stumbled to the street.

"I think I should go home." Iruka slurred.

"I walk you there." Kakashi suggested.

"No, you don't have to. I'll be fine." Iruka argued, still a bit embarrassed for touching Kakashi like that.

"I insist. And, I'm going in the same direction anyway so it's no bother."

They didn't talk much on their way to Iruka's place. Kakashi followed him to his apartment's door and helped him to fit his key in the lock. The door opened with a creaking sound.

"Want to come in?"

"I don't know if I should."

"I could make us tea."

Iruka stepped inside and Kakashi followed pulling the door closed behind him. Iruka stumbled on his feet trying to find the light switch. He was certain that someone had moved it to some odd place since the last time he had used it.

"Okay, just wait a second and I," Iruka didn't finish the sentence as he bumped into Kakashi.

The jounin’s reflexes worked amazingly well given his current state. Iruka was pushed backwards, leaning to the wall. Kakashi pressed against him. Iruka's heart missed a half beat. He could feel the older mans body heat against him, his breath on his lips. In the dim light Iruka could see Kakashi's eye staring deep into his eyes, weighting up what he was going to do. Iruka tried to stay still. He knew how fragile the moment was. Any sign of hesitation, any sign of fear and Kakashi would be gone.

Kakashi relaxed. He pushed himself away from Iruka shaking his head. Iruka's mind was racing. Something he had wished for had almost happened. For a moment there had been a chance of Kakashi kissing him. He couldn't let it slip away. He just couldn't. Without thinking he clenched on Kakashi's arm and pulled him back. He held the jounin against his body, breathing his scent.

"Iruka, we shouldn't"

"Shh," came Iruka's answer.

Iruka's hands came up. His fingers slid under the mask and pulled it down. It was damp even though the fabric was so thin it could have been made from spider webbing. Kakashi turned his gaze down. He is so handsome. Even in this pale light his skin seems to glow. Iruka's fingers touched Kakashi's cheeks. They traveled across his nose, trailed his lips, felt his jawline.

"Iruka..."

Iruka pressed his lips against Kakashi's. He didn't want to hear any objections. Not now, when he was so close to get what he wanted. Iruka's lips nibbled the side of Kakashi's mouth entreating him to answer the kiss. After a moment or two Iruka started to feel uncomfortable. He was just about to pull away when Kakashi eased. He wrapped his arms around Iruka, his lips parted and pressed against Iruka's eager lips.

Kakashi's arms pulled Iruka closer. His lips felt so soft and tender against Iruka's. Then they parted and Kakashi's tongue slid inside. Only deep enough to lick Iruka's lips and gingerly brush against Iruka's tongue. Iruka's heart was a hammer. His blood was running south. Every inch of him wanted to rip their clothes and feel the bare skin against his own. His body was trembling from anticipation and it took all his concentration not to seem too eager.

Kakashi pulled away. His hitai-ate was hanging low over his left eye. His face was really serious. His blue eye inspected Iruka like trying to decipher a coded answer. Iruka lifted his chocolate brown eyes giving Kakashi an asking look. He leaned forward and tilted his head, ready to continue from where they left.

"Iruka, are you sure this is really what you want?"

Iruka was taken aback. Somewhere, under all the lust and sexual frustration, was a part of him that understood what Kakashi meant. It was urging Iruka to think things through before jumping into anything. It was telling him this could ruin everything. The good and close friendship he had with Kakashi. Was he really ready for sex with another man? With Kakashi?

Iruka looked into the blue eye. The pale light gave it a deep shade, something close to sapphire. He lifted his hands and pulled the hitai-ate up. Kakashi held his left eye closed. A deep and quite wide scar ran down from Kakashi's brow over his left eyelid and down to his cheek. Iruka had never seen it before. It was longer and thicker than he had imagined. His finger trailed down the scar, barely touching it. Then, without a reason, Iruka leaned forward and kissed the scar gently. He felt anxious. The alcohol was working its miracle and somehow his fears were dulled and pushed aside. Yes, I'm ready. And there is no one I'd rather be with than Kakashi.

"I'm sure." Iruka answered softly.

"Then, lets do this right."

Kakashi took Iruka's hand and led him to the bedroom. He pulled Iruka close. Iruka's heart was pounding so hard that he could feel each beat in his every muscle, every vein, every part of him. Kakashi leaned over him and pulled Iruka into the softest kiss he had ever felt. His lips were so gentle, but they knew exactly what they were doing. Kakashi deepened the kiss and the passion washed over Iruka. His pants were getting uncomfortably tight. He answered Kakashi's kiss with his whole heart. It felt weird to kiss a man taller than himself. His head bent back and he felt so small and fragile in the embrace of a real man. An adult man.

Without breaking the kiss Kakashi untucked Iruka's shirt. His hands sneaked under it feeling his tightened back muscles. They traveled gently up and down, petting and kneading. Iruka's breathing was coming shallow. He took the zipper of Kakashi's vest and pulled it down. He pulled the vest back to get it off. Kakashi took a hold on Iruka's shirt and pulled it over his head before letting the vest drop on the floor. Then he took his own shirt off and pressed his naked torso against Iruka's bare chest.

The warmth felt so inviting, so pleasant. It had been three months since he had felt skin against his skin. Kakashi's strong arms pulled him even closer as he lowered his head and kissed Iruka's neck. His lips traveled lower and found the tender spot where Iruka's neck and shoulder met. Kakashi suckled the soft skin, biting it gently. Iruka's head tilted.

"Ah" he couldn't help the breathy moan.

Iruka's fingers explored Kakashi's back. It was covered with scars. They crisscrossed his shoulder blades and sides. Most of them were shallow and short but every now and then Iruka's fingers brushed over deep and thick ones. He pressed his palms against the firm muscles. Kakashi was so much bigger than what he was used to. His muscles were well formed and accustomed to real action.

Kakashi's hand toured up Iruka's chest. His touch was so tender that it almost tickled. Shivers of pleasure traveled up Iruka's spine as Kakashi's fingers found his nipple. It hardened. The fingers pinched and pulled the tight nub, making Iruka thrust his hips forward.

"Haa, Kakashi..." his restrained erection was rubbing against the thin fabric, begging for release.

Iruka's fingers slid under the waist of Kakashi's pants. He round his fingers slowly to the front. Kakashi breathed heavily against his neck. He could feel the older man trembling under his touch. Skillfully Iruka untied Kakashi's pants and let them drop down with his underwear. Kakashi's engorged length twitched from the sudden freedom. Iruka's hands wandered on Kakashi's hips, they toured on his low abdomen avoiding the waiting hardness. Kakashi's fingers left Iruka's nipple. They traveled lower agonizingly slow. They dipped under the waistband of Iruka's pants making him shiver and buck his hips. Iruka's breathing was growing faster. The anticipation was too much. He wound his fingers around Kakashi's length and gave it couple strokes.

"Ahh... " Kakashi's head tilted back.

He pushed Iruka's pants down and wrapped his arms around Iruka. His hands grasped Iruka's buttocks and pulled the chuunin closer. Their arousals brushed against each other. Both slick with precum. Full of blood. Kakashi's fingers slid along the curve of Iruka's rear, finding the hidden entrance. Iruka stiffened. The fingers felt exciting but threatening at the same. They encircled his hole, wanting to feel the hot tightness inside, but not daring to push with enough force. It's Kakashi. Just relax, he won't do anything I don't want him to do. Kakashi's other hand slipped between them and took Iruka's rigid length. The ecstatic tremors came in waves and the familiar pressure started to build in his stomach.

"Oh, Kakashi... I" Iruka panted.

His breathing was growing rapid. Kakashi pushed their arousals together and wound his fingers around them both. Feeling his own hand against both of their lengths and Kakashi's hand stroking them both made Iruka's head fall back. He moaned and panted aloud. Kakashi's other hand pushed further down Iruka's rear. Iruka let the remains of his anxiousness go as the threatening pressure went away. Kakashi's hand found the right spot behind his nuts and pushed against it. His fingers made wonderful circles and Iruka's pleasure grew tenfold. He shook his head as the sweet ecstasy pushed him toward fulfillment in long leaps. He was running up the tower of bliss, feeling the top getting closer and closer with each stroke.

"Oh gods... I- I can't.. I'm..." Iruka moaned.

"Iruka, now... together... Mh!"

White cum shot to their stomaches, mixing, covering their hands. Iruka felt drained. He leaned forward against Kakashi. Wanting to feel the warmth of the jounin he buried his face to the nape of Kakashi's neck. He breathed heavily. Kakashi's hand retreated from his rear. It slid up to Iruka's waist, petting him softly.