I am the one you hate?

This chapter was written by me!


Yeah I know *gets a volley of BOOs*
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I feel the tears soaking through the thick cotton of my pajama shirt as my fingers clutch tightly to cloth that wraps around his body, his sobbing causes his body to convulse against my own. Shutting my eyes tightly I shift my legs until they are no longer pinned between us in an awkward place that causes me to ache.

I pull him closer, his cheek rests on the top of my chest, his forehead pressed against the bottom of my neck. My other arm comes up from rubbing small circles on his back, my fingers comb through his hair in a repeated motion to sooth him.

A hiccup catches in his throat and sends him into a small coughing fit. When finally the oxygen returns to his lungs he turns and buries his nose in my flesh as his fingernails dig into my arms. "Temari," his voice is stressed and weak as it croaks through his lips, "Why?"

He pauses to take a breath and wrap his arms around me to pull me closer, nails still trying to find some baring...as if he were to hold on to me tight enough his troubles will fade away.

I can't breathe, it feels like my brain is screaming...I can just barely hold back my own tears and sobs as I rest my cheek upon his thick brunette locks. My fingers trail up and down his side as I make soft sounds, like to sooth an infant.

"Why does it hurt so much....why can't I just love him....why do other people even care what or who I love? I thought love was love.....why does it feel like my heart can not beat anymore. Everytime I step outside I feel as if the world is glaring at me, like its not so silently judging me. I don't know if I can take it anymore." Kankuro's eyes are clamped shut, trying to surpress the rage of tears that build up behind.

I rock back and forth, holding him tight with both arms and shake my head. His hair rubs against the bottom of my chin as I shake my head. What do I say? What can I say?....I don't know the answers, I don't know how he feels, everything he is asking is good a question, that I too wish I had the answers to. My heart feels like its constricted in my chest and my body starts to tremble.

Why does my brother have to hide himself from the world and only confide in me? Why does he have to feel so alone and lost? Why can't I find the answers....why can't I help him? Why can't he love who he loves and the world just not give a damn? Why do we even have to ask why.

It feels like my brain is shutting off, over loaded, but I know I can't leave him out here by himself when he is already so alone. I search through my brain for something to say to at least stop his body from trembling so harshly.

"I'm so sorry, Kanky."

Hollow, those words feel so hollow to me...they are used so much its like they no longer have a meaning...they are just fillers so you don't have to face something truly terrible. Fuck why can't I help him, why can't I know what he needs to hear?
I can't change the world and make it better.

"So sorry." Again those words flood through my lips in an unconscious wave, am I sorry that I can't say anything else? Is that what those hollow words are trying to say?

No longer can I hold it back. I feel the tears burn down my cheeks as my trembling fingers weave through his hair and another fists his shirt once more.

I feel a small tingle of warmth on my upper arm, slowly my eyes peel open and look. Through the slits of my window blinds the morning sun starts to shine through.

That to is hollow, it offers nothing to us but bitter warmth and false happiness. It smiles with no real feelings, its trying to numb us to the pain and make us hide. For a moment I almost fall to its call but I find myself quickly and snap my eyes shut and bury my face in his neck.

--I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights--

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Yup well I hope you all enjoyed enough to review?