Who Am I Really(COMPLETE 5/4/10)

Chapter Ten: The Beginning

He had simply laid about for the first four months after his encounter with Gaara. His chest heavy and having trouble sleeping at night. Sarah had given him anti depressants after that. He still had trouble getting up in the morning, but he was able to, his chest was still heavy making it hard to breath sometimes.

He was working again, and he still visited with Sarah. He had continued to see her even two years later, but it was more for his depression and everyday stress than for his whole personality thing. Not that it had ever been a personality thing, that was still strange to think that he had literally been living two separate lives.

He closed his eyes took a deep breath and went back to scribbling something on to the paper. He was soon going to start traveling abroad to his other hotels and places of business. He finally found people he could count on to do what needed to be done and help weed out those who were just living off of other people's hard work.

So far he had kept his promise to Gaara. People still hated him, people still thought he should be dead, but he was slowly changing lives for the better, and that was all that mattered. He also had a few friends and he was talking to his sister again. He had three nephews and two nieces, one on the way, they didn't know what it was yet. He smiled looking over at the photograph of the kids. He should call them this weekend he thought.

*********

The day was bright, the air cool as it whispered through the trees surrounding the area. Yellow, pink, purple, orange, blue, and wild flowers bloomed about the hillside adding brilliant color to the other wise green scenery. The wind flitted past him bringing the smell of fresh rain and green earth with it while ruffling his clothing and red hair.

He stood over the grave stone not knowing what to talk about, what did one say to someone who was now elsewhere? It had been a long few years since Naruto’s demise, or transition to another place. Gaara still didn’t really know what to call it. He sighed, about to turn and leave.

"They say that love can reach across the universe and time itself." A soft voice said from the side.

He turned and looked into the pale eyes of Hinata Hyuuga. She was smiling softly her hands crossed in front of her. Wearing black pants, a loose blue shirt over her growing belly, her hair free and blowing in the wind. She was an elegant woman, and had grown into a powerful ninja. Shino was probably a very happy man.

"Do you believe in that?" He asked her.

She nodded, "I do. Especially a love like the two of you had."

He glanced back at the grave stone. Maybe....

Hinata came closer to him the smell of lilacs lazily drafted towards him. The woman, soon to be mother, placed a soft and on the gray stone her eyes getting misty. She raced over the kanji of the name of her once leader and sighed. She had loved him deeply, she had loved him first.

"I'll leave you two alone then," she whispered before turning and walking away.

Gaara was left alone with his thoughts staring at the grey stone, reading over the carved kanji. ‘A man whole loved all and gave his all Naruto Uzumaki.’ Slowly he knelt down and closed his eyes just wishing to pretend for just a moment his lover was there with him. Naruto had meant everything to him, even back when he still didn’t understand his feelings.

They had loved and lost together, and now they were separated forever. His chest tightened and he fought back a sob.

"I miss you Naru.... Sammuel. Are you living your life? Are you giving people hope? I wonder." He paused reach hand forward to slid his finger over each line of his name.

He didn’t want it to end like this, he wanted his Naruto back. Gaara wanted to feel Naruto’s hands slide over him. To feel lips press against his own, to drag his fingers through the blond hair. He wanted long nights laying next to one another in comfortable silence, wanted hot burning passion as they made love. Gaara wanted to hears his lovers voice saying his name, the rumble of sound vibrating up from the blonde’s chest as he lay there tangled up in his lover’s arms.

“Naruto, I’m trying I am.” he explained as hot tears fell down his cheeks, “but I miss you I need you.”

The redhead pressed himself against the stone wishing it was Naruto instead. It wasn’t fair, it just wasn’t. Didn’t they deserve happiness after everything they had endured? Why was it that every time they found peace it was ripped from them?

"I hope you kept your promise, it's the only thing," he stopped talking as a sob tore itself from his throat. "It's all that keeps me going." He finished in a whisper.

**************

Sammuel sat straight up in his bed suddenly unable to sleep and looked over to his window as it rattled with the crash of thunder from outside. Rain pelted the glass heavily and when the lightening flashed he was blinded temporarily. He rose his hand to his chest and touched his thudding heart under his skin. Why did he suddenly feel this way? He even felt kind of sick.

Gaara.... his mind whispered.

How long had it been since that day? A year? Two? His life had just started to blur together. He was taking anti depressants, and working until he couldn't think anymore.

A small drop of water fell to his hand and he looked down at it as if it wasn’t his hand but some strange part of someone else. He was crying? He put a hand to his face but it was dry, he looked back at his hand and it was no longer there, the skin dry. His heart skipped a beat. Was he hallucinating now? Or was, or was.... his heart felt tight again and he couldn't breath suddenly. Gaara, Gaara are you okay? Do you wish I was there? Are you hurting too? Can you feel me when I hurt? Or was he loosing it?

Sam wasn't sure anymore, he didn't think he'd ever really know either. His whole case was completely unheard of, it was crazy in and of itself. Sliding out of bed he walked over to the window and placed his hot forehead against the cool glass, only clad in his dark blue boxers, then his hand rose to push its self flat against the pane as well. He slowly closed his eyes and allowed the rocking of the window to help him center his racing thoughts.

Gaara, if only I could hold you, everything would make sense to me. He thought, before a picture of his lover was brought to mind and he slowly pressed his lips against the window.

“Love you.…” He whispered holding back tears.

**********************

In his sorrow, his moment of weakness away from prying eyes, Gaara sat crying against the wall in a corner. Something he hadn't done in years. Gaara slowly rose his eyes sky ward his heart heavy as he wonder how his lover was doing in his new life. Wondering if maybe he was hurting, and needed to be held, or just comforted by his presence.

Was he keeping his promise? Was he alive? Gaara clutched the front of his clothing over his heart as he curled his knees up into his chest wrapping his arms around them. His eyes clenched tightly closed as another wave of pain washed over him. He was the one that needed Naruto in his life. Naruto brought the light into it, allowed him to breath the fresh air, gave him his heart back.

"Sammuel...Naru... I need you....'" He whispered into the dark room.

He almost missed the feather light touch on his lips, something cold and barely even there long enough to register. His eyes flew open and he placed his fingers on his lips before his facial expression melted into a sad smile. His lover, still thinking about how he was feeling. He took a deep breath, he took it for what he felt it was and steadied himself.

Sammuel was still out there, living his life, he must do the same. He glanced over at the picture on a shelf of the two of them, Naruto grinning ear to ear an arm wrapped around his shoulders a peace sign flashing to the camera. He himself just simply smiled, it was small, but it had meant the world to his lover the two of them were looking at each other from the corners of their eyes. Yes, he had to live for Sam, because Sam was out there doing it for him.

**************

Sammuel talked avidly over some papers with one of his mangers and they finally compromised over an idea. He nodded and waved as he left. It was time to go play with his nieces and nephews he was leaving for Russia in a few days and he had promised them. He wasn't looking forward to going over to Russia, but he had to see what this new dance club was all about and if he really wanted to be investing his money into something that seemed so sleazy.

Hopping into the drivers seat, as he always drove himself when visiting family, he turned the engine on. He was excited, his sister’s new baby had come, a little girl. His sister said the baby looked like him when he was that small and the thought was encouraging. Sam was happy to have his family back in his life, and that his sister had given him a second chance when he had deserved none.

“Well, off I go then.” He murmured pulling out into traffic.

****************

Gaara walked out of his office finally finishing up his day glad that it was over. Slowly he made his way down the hall before he stopped in the middle of the hall as everything seemed to be silent. He frowned, to silent, even his sand wasn't moving around in the gourd.

His frown deepened, that was not a very good sign. His sand was always moving always ready for an attack. He glanced over his shoulder as he felt a person emerge from the wall. It appeared he would be fighting very soon, and without his sand too. Slowly he turned to face his attacker.

"Subaku no Gaara, I'm here to erase you." The man explained his voice sounding like gravel being rubbed together.

The red head closed his eyes after Naruto’s demise they all figured he would be next. Who ever orchestrated the attacks probably hoped to disrupt the alliance between the two nations. It had taken longer than expected, but for an enemy nin to get here meant lots of careful planning. The enemy had obviously learned their lesson with the loss of so many of their nin in the fight against Naruto. Fighting the Kages out right was foolish, better to hit them back handedly next time.

Right, at least it was after he had finished training his successor and announcing him a few months ago. Still he would not make that easy for the man, if the man won he would be doing so at the cost of his own life in return. Gaara opened his eyes to stare at the man seriously.

"Even without my sand I will not make this easy for you." Gaara replied dangerously.

"Oh I wouldn't think you would."

Gaara pulled a kunai from his pouch ready as the assassin nin came at him. Feeling himself slip into his emotionless box where he could easily take care of business. Slowly his other senses came awake alert and ready to help him make millisecond moves. Heart pumping his blood faster, he moved just as the wind would move.

Well he hadn't had a good fight in a very long time. He knew even as he countered one attack after another and made devastating blows of his own he was not going to walk away from this. Soon, very soon he would be allowed to rest, and maybe then he could peacefully await his lover’s embrace.

Moments later the enemy fell to the ground dead, but the victory came to late. Gaara fell heavily against the wall and sank down to the floor his left arm covering a large gash across his midsection. He could feel the warmth of his blood spread through his clothes and soak them, felt it slid down onto the floor he sat upon.

His vision growing dark around the edges his eye site became bleary. From a distance, as his life faded away, he could hear the voices of his sister Sasuke and Sai. He felt his body slide sideways to lie on the floor and slowly closed his lids. Suddenly Gaara felt exhausted and his heart began to slow down in his chest.

Love….you…. Na…

~END~

END NOTE:

Lady Laran: Hope you didn't cry to much this time.... sorry... and maybe there is.... but I don't know if I wanna write it.
msuzumaki: He's says Sasuke hates Naru cuz that's what SAsuke would usually say. Or that he's a moron. IT's a joke between the two hence why Naruto/Sam says what he says back. *Holds out another cookie* Sorry...
KingCobra: Hope you liked this chapter. ^^ Even though it is sad.

All Readers: Love you guys!!!! *holds out cookies and a box of kleenex* Keep reading and please PLEASE let me know what you think!!!!