Where is God?

Check out the story on ff.net, profile name is Robin Maxwell, if you want the reason as to why this is so late.

Where is God?
By: Innerchild

God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~Author Unknown

Chapter Nine
As the World Falls Down

The clock on the wall chimed loudly as Naruto sat in anticipation. He counted the chimes ten times before they faded away. Somewhere in his mind, he registered that it was ten o’clock. To say that he was uncomfortable in his own house was an understatement. He had never felt so tense in his life. He hadn’t even been this nervous earlier when he had decided to come home. That was only a few hours ago, though it felt like ages. A sudden desire to see Sasuke again struck him. It would be a lot easier to face his dad if he was sitting beside him right now, holding his hand. But he had turned Sasuke down when he had mentioned it. He knew it would have only been worse if he were here with him. Not to mention, he didn’t want his dad to yell at Sasuke like that ever again. He didn’t deserve it. However, he would still feel a bit more confident with the other man’s hand in his own.

'I bet Dad would just love that', he mused to himself as he thought about the look on his father’s face at him holding another guy’s hand.

His leg wouldn’t stop jerking up and down, and he couldn’t remove his eyes from the floorboards of the living room. He didn’t have to look at his father to know that he was glaring at him in disapproval. The only thing that kept him from running back to Jiraiya’s apartment was his mother’s presence beside him.

Kazuma leaned forward in his chair, placing his elbows on his knees. His eyes roamed over his son’s appearance, and noted that he was nervous. Anger built within him as the silence continued. So far, he had not heard Naruto utter an apology for his actions. His forehead crinkled with disapproval, causing his glasses to inch up his nose. They brushed against the small scratch on his cheek, reminding him of his wife’s words. He glanced over at her, but she wasn’t paying him any attention. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep his anger in check. He would have to watch what he said in front of her carefully. The last thing he wanted was for her to yell at him with Naruto in the room.

“After your… behavior yesterday, I realized that there need to be some changes in the rules around here,” he started.

Naruto still didn’t look up at him. He tried not to get his hopes up, knowing that his father was not going to be so forgiving. He was surprised at how calm he was at the moment, but knew that it was only a matter of time before the yelling started.

“The same rules still apply about you coming home after school, and doing your homework before you go out. Also, you have to ask us if you can go anywhere, whether it is a school night or on the weekend. We want you to spend time with your… friends, and get out occasionally, but we also want to know that you are safe. Do you understand what I am saying?”

Naruto felt like he was ten years old again, having to ask his parents if he could go play with one of the neighborhood kids. He nodded his head in response.

“For right now, though, you are grounded for not coming home the other day, and for not even calling us to let us know where you were.”

The tone in his voice made Naruto look up. His father stared at him with… disgust in his eyes. The blond had a feeling that his father knew where he had been that night. The feeling only grew worse at Kazuma’s next words.

“We know that you have been hanging out with that boy, whatever his name is. I already told you that you are not allowed to see him anymore. Why did you disobey me?”

Nadine shifted beside him on the couch. He glanced at his mother, wondering what she was thinking. She had told Sasuke where to find him, even though he wasn’t supposed to see him. Why would she do such a thing? She always agreed with what his father said. The look on her face was unreadable, though.

“Naruto?” His father questioned.

“His name is Sasuke and he’s a good friend of mine… he’s new, so he doesn’t have many friends,” he answered lamely. He rubbed his eyes in irritation at his own pathetic response, wishing that his father would just drop the subject. He would need a miracle for that to happen.

Kazuma knew that this was not the only reason, though he desperately wished it were. What was he going to do with him? He didn’t know how to keep him away from this boy, and things would only get worse if his son continued to hang around him. Well, he did know of a way to separate them, but that plan was to be used as a last resort only. It was drastic, even for his standards. Not to mention, he didn’t think his wife would allow it.

“It’s getting late. You look tired, Naruto. Why don’t you go wash up and get some sleep?” His mother’s voice interjected before her husband could say another word.

Both men in the room looked at her in disbelief. Naruto was thankful, and ready to follow her instructions if it meant getting out of this conversation. Kazuma was about to protest, but the look on his wife’s face was stern. He really did not want to upset her again and start another argument. He sighed in frustration as Nadine hugged Naruto, and looked away from them.

“Thanks, mom.” Naruto whispered in her ear. She pulled back with a smile on her face.

“I’m glad to have you home.”

He told them goodnight, though it was mainly directed at Nadine, and walked into his room. Kazuma called after him, “We’ll finish this tomorrow.”

He glanced back at his wife, wondering if she would reprimand him now that she had sent Naruto away. She was watching him. He drew back into the chair, hoping to get away from her sight. Though he knew it was impossible.

Nadine gazed at Kazuma with a sense of… power running through her. She had never had this much control over him. It was a new feeling, an exhilarating feeling. She knew that it came with the instinct to protect her son. She wanted Naruto to be happy, no matter what that entailed. And she wouldn’t let her husband get in the way of that.

She took a sip of the forgotten tea beside her on the table, the ice clinking against the glass. Nadine turned towards the television, picked up the remote, and turned it on. The sound was deafening in the silent room, though the volume was low.

Kazuma had almost jumped at the noise, but stayed planted in his seat. His wife was completely ignoring him now. The fact that she had not spoken a word to him since she informed him that Naruto was coming home was bothering him. He had a feeling that he would be sleeping alone tonight. However, in their nineteen years of marriage, he had never slept without her beside him.

“You were right, it is getting late. Are you coming to bed?” He asked her quietly.

Nadine picked up her glass again, took a drink, and put it back on the table.

“Not yet,” was all she said to him, her eyes never leaving the TV screen. She turned the volume up on the TV as she curled her legs under her body.

Her husband waited a moment in hesitation before he stood up. He didn’t bother turning on the light as he walked into their room and fell onto the bed. After a few minutes of his stomach twisting itself into knots, he sat up, and brushed his hand through his hair.

The fact that his wife was… scaring him was disconcerting. He had never felt so out of control in all his life. He was the head of the family, not Nadine, and certainly not Naruto. So why was he letting them walk all over him? It was his responsibility to keep his family together, and to provide the foundation that held them up.

Before he took off his glasses and placed them on the bedside table, he had reestablished his place in this family. He would make sure that things returned to the way they were tomorrow. Kazuma had drifted off to sleep while thinking about how he would go about his plan, without realizing that his wife had not come to bed.

Although the TV was still playing a classic movie, there was no audience to witness it. The viewer had long ago moved into the kitchen, after her husband had fallen asleep. Her voice was low as she whispered into the phone, “I’ll come by tomorrow.”

The conversation lasted only a few more moments before she hung up. Nadine yawned into her hand and stood up to go to bed. She paused in front of the doorway to her bedroom, and gazed at the figure that lay on top of the covers. She turned around and pulled the throw blanket from the back of a chair, and stretched out on the couch. The TV screen went black, casting the room into darkness.

Naruto placed his trashcan upright, and sighed quietly to himself. His father had been very thorough in wrecking his room. He decided to finish cleaning up tomorrow as he pulled off his dirty uniform and threw it into the corner. A clean shirt was pulled down over his head as he walked around the disarrayed room in search of some fresh boxers.

After finding a pair, he crawled into bed and turned off the lamp. He listened for any noises, wondering if his parents were going to argue. His ears only met silence, and then, the humming of the fridge.

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Sasuke opened the window slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. The wood creaked and he stopped for a moment, hoping his aunt hadn’t heard the noise. Then he thought, It’s not like she would actually care, before he pushed up with both hands again. He crawled out the window, the tin roof bending, and groaning under his feet. He took a few more steps before sitting down and digging his hand into his coat pocket.

A cold breeze hit his face and stirred his bangs as his thumb flipped the lighter on. The small flame flickered in the wind and light rain, casting an orange shadow over the teen’s face. He inhaled—the bitter night air and smoke filling his lungs. A burning sensation crept down his throat, and he fought the urge to cough. It had been a long time since he had had a cigarette.

Wisps of smoke danced around his head before being carried off by the wind. Sasuke watched as the smoke thinned and then disappeared into the gathering rain. He could barely hear the music that filtered out the open window of his room behind him now. The awning above him blocked him from most of the water, but his uncovered feet and the bottom of his sweat pants were unprotected.

He smoked the cigarette down to the filter, waiting for that moment when the small green lines would disappear into the ashes, and the inside of his mouth and nostrils would burn for a split second. Sasuke ground the burning bud out and then tossed it down into the street. The taste of tobacco lingered in his mouth, but he savored the sharp aftertaste. It was comforting and familiar, just like the chilly autumn night that promised the falling of leaves soon to come.

After a few minutes, the rain lightened up to a drizzle, and then stopped completely. Even though Sasuke enjoyed the rain and the soothing pattern of the water drops hitting the roof, he wasn’t disappointed when it came to an end. His body shivered slightly, and he wrapped his arms around himself as goose bumps started to cover his body. He watched cars drive by on the road below him, as the wind started to howl loudly.

When a dark hooded figure started to walk up the sidewalk, he thought it was another homeless person. He saw so many of them on his way to school in the mornings that it was a natural occurrence now. The headlights of a passing car glared brightly into his eyes, but he only noticed the piercing gaze of the person walking towards his house. He had not seen those eyes in over a month.

Sasuke jumped back, his elbow hitting the window seal behind him. He grimaced as the person disappeared under the roof of his house. He unconsciously started to crawl towards the edge, his body shaking with anticipation. Before he reached the edge, he imagined the person walking up the steps and entering the front door. Did he remember to lock the door today? Sasuke could not remember, but he was beyond worried now. He could not stop shaking, and he knew it had nothing to do with the cold.

The sidewalk was visible now, along with the stairs to his front door. He leaned over, his hands holding onto the edge of the roof. He blinked a few times in disbelief, and then sighed in relief. No one was at the door, or on the stairs. The dragging of someone’s feet was heard nearby, and Sasuke whipped his neck around. The figure was standing under the lamppost near his neighbor’s house. The hood was still on, but Sasuke could tell that the person was tall, much taller than his brother was.

Sasuke closed his eyes for a moment before looking at the person again. The more he stared, the more he realized how irrational his fear was. This man was not his brother. His eyes must have a played a trick on him earlier. He did not know where Itachi was, but he doubted that he was close by. The police would have found him by now if he were still in the city.

He crawled back up the roof, his face flushed with embarrassment. He must have looked ridiculous creeping about like some kind of ninja. A horrible ninja at that, since the person had looked up at the noise and spotted him. Sasuke felt stupid as he went through his window and then closed it behind him. He just hoped that one of his neighbors had not seen him. He didn’t need people thinking that he was going to commit suicide by jumping off the roof. His aunt was worried about him enough as it was without a stupid rumor to add to it.

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Clara watched as the light in Sasuke’s room burned out. She had hesitated too long once again. She dropped her hand that was posed in a knock at his door. She ran her hand through her long black hair, sighing to herself in frustration. Clara walked back to her room, her small feet making no noise across the wooden floorboards.

The door clicked shut behind her as she rested her head against it. She wished that she knew what to do. Sasuke was so hard to read that she could not tell if he was in pain or if he really was doing all right. She did not even know if he had someone to confide in, since he had refused to see a psychologist when he first moved in with her. It was times like this that she wished her mother were there. Her mother would have known what to do. A small, sad smile crossed her face as she remembered the day that she discovered that she had been adopted into the Uchiha family.

She had been so upset, and in denial about it at first. It hadn’t made any sense to her. She looked so much like her mother. They both had the same thick black hair, round brown eyes that were almost black, and petite hands with long, artistic fingers. However, the same genes did not make up her body. The same blood did not run in her veins.

Over the years, though, she started to realize that it didn’t matter if they were related by blood or not. Blood could only create a bond so thin. Theirs’ was thick and strong. Clara had been given so much love and care when her mother had adopted her. Of course, she had been too young to remember that she had been abandoned at a bus station. She didn’t remember the orphanage, or the woman that had given her the name of her own daughter.

Clara was grateful to the people that took care of her, but she was glad that she didn’t remember them. She only had memories of growing up with her mother, father, and two siblings. Losing her mother, who was also her best friend, had been devastating. It had taken her years of counseling, and the support of her family and friends to move on. Even after losing her “brother,” Sasuke’s father, she had started to see her old psychologist again. She still had the support of her friends, but that of her families’ was starting to dwindle because of deaths and disappearances. She didn’t know how Sasuke could handle it on his own.

Sasuke had lost his family, and his friends. He had no one to depend on, except her. She scoffed at this thought, knowing that she had not been as supportive as she could have been so far. She had tried to help, but it did him no good. Now, she was out of ideas. Clara turned off the overhead light and kneeled before her bed. With her head bowed, and her hands clasped, she asked God to watch over him. She prayed that he had someone to help him through, and that if he didn’t, that He would send someone.

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Never in all her life did Nadine think she would be standing before this store with the intention of walking through its door. She shook her head at the name of the bookshop and pushed open the door. A bell chimed overhead, but she barely noticed the sound as she glimpsed at a magazine on one of the shelves. A blush rose to her cheeks as her eyes widened at the picture of a naked man with a cowboy hat over his crotch on the cover. His suggestive smile made her look away and cough at her discomfort.

Her brother walked into the room and greeted her with a loud, “Good morning.”

She jumped and nearly knocked over a cardboard cutout picture of a scantly dressed woman at his voice. Nadine knew her face must have looked like a tomato by now as she put out her hand to steady the picture. Why didn’t she ask to meet him at a café or somewhere else that did not have nude pictures of men and women everywhere she looked?

“M-morning,” she stumbled out as she tilted her head down in an attempt to hide her blush.

Jiriaya slapped her lightly on the back good-naturedly with a howl of laughter. He didn’t think his sister would survive another five minutes in the store without having a nosebleed, so he decided to take pity on her and escort her up to his apartment. He would just have to make sure she didn’t stumble into his room, otherwise she really would faint from embarrassment.

As Nadine sat down at the kitchen table, Jiraiya placed a cup of steaming Almond flavored tea in front of her. The familiar fragrance made her smile at him. Trust her brother to remember the small things that she liked that her husband didn’t even know about.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” he told her as he sat down with his own cup of coffee. He watched his younger sister blow on her tea to cool it down, and tried to think back to the last time that they had sat down to talk like this. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a chance to look at her up close for a long period of time. Even though she was in her late forties, she still looked about mid-thirties. She definitely aged like their mother. Nadine had few wrinkles on her forehead and even less laugh lines around her mouth. He also couldn’t find a single gray hair on her head, though he suspected that she would dye her hair if she ever had any. He did notice, however, that she was wrinkling her forehead up with deep concentration.

She sipped cautiously at her tea as she thought of how to start this conversation. Nadine had never dealt with this much stress in her entire life, and now she was experiencing so much of it in just one week. She thought she might crack under the pressure if she didn’t talk to someone about it soon. Thankfully, Jiriaya had already noticed her distress and decided to help her work through it.

“How’s Naruto doing,” he started for her.

“I guess he’s fine. He was nervous around Kazuma, but that’s understandable…” She trailed off, wondering how she was about to phrase what was really bothering her about the two men she lived with.

“Let me guess, that Sasuke kid that was here yesterday, he’s the boy that your husband told to stay away from Naruto, right?”

Nadine nodded at him. She didn’t miss the way that he refused to say Kazuma’s name. He had never cared for him, she knew, and didn’t feel the need to show him any respect by calling him by his name. This was one of the many reasons why the two siblings had not been close over the years. However, she didn’t really mind that he didn’t call him by his name at the moment. Her respect for him had fallen substantially since their argument. She thought that she still loved him, but she was confused about what to do with him right now. She just hoped that he would be able to see reason, and forgive their son for the path he had chosen. Even though she thought he had nothing to be forgiven for, she knew that Kazuma would not see it that way in his eyes.

“So, why’d you tell him where he could find Naruto?”

“I… I’ve never seen Naruto so happy in the last year or so. I think something happened between him and his best friend, but he wouldn’t tell me exactly what happened. He just… hasn’t been the same since then. And now…”

Jiriaya stared at the conflicted expression on his sister’s face, wondering if she was going to say anything else. She merely bit her bottom lip.

“So, you think he’s happier now? With this Sasuke character around?”

“I do, but I think he would be a lot happier if he could just tell us how he felt. I know he’s frustrated at not being able to be honest with us, but I don’t know what to do. Kazuma isn’t very understanding when it comes to Naruto being…uh…”

“Gay?” He supplied.

She nodded her head, her teeth once again seeking out to worry her bottom lip.

“How do you feel about it,” he asked quietly.

“I… I don’t really know,” she whispered, tears springing to her eyes. She wiped them away impatiently as they fell down her cheeks.

“I mean, I love him, no matter what. But… I’m new to this. I was raised to believe that love between two men was wrong, but I’m not so sure anymore.” She looked up at him with pleading eyes, hoping that he had some answers for her doubts. She just didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. She knew in her heart that she would never turn her son away, whether he was gay or even committed murder. Nadine loved him too much, but his way of life was conflicting with how she was raised. Everything in life had been presented to her as either black or white by her parents. Now, though, she was starting to see more of those gray areas that people talked about. Naruto’s love life was just one of them.

“He’s happy being with this young man, and nothing else has changed about him. He’s still himself, just… he’s becoming a bit more independent from us, but that’s supposed to happen some time in his life. Just a bit sooner than I expected, I guess. But I haven’t seen any negative changes in him… so, I don’t understand how this could be wrong. It’s just like him being in a relationship with a girl… with a few differences, except I don’t have to worry about him getting anyone pregnant.” She half-joked, even though she knew that she wouldn’t have worried about that anyway. Not with Naruto anyway, he was smarter than that.

Jiriaya let out a long sigh, which caused Nadine to glance up at him.

“Well, it sure as hell doesn’t bother me. His boyfriend is a bit of a smartass, but he really cares for Naruto. From what I’ve seen and heard.”

Nadine snorted at that, recalling the day she saw them kissing. It didn’t bother her as much as it used to, and was one hell of a way for her to find out that her son was gay by catching him in the act. Which was a complete shock for her, but it helped her not be so blind to other things around her. It made her believe that her son liked other men. If he had just told her, she probably would have thought he was playing a cruel joke on her.

“And what did you see?” She asked curiously, sniffing slightly now that the tears were subsiding. Her brother’s blunt words always had a way of calming her down, even if he wasn’t trying to.

Jiriaya leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest before he said, “Hmp, the two wouldn’t stop hugging on that damn chair in the living room. I almost had to kick the kid’s ass out after he found out Naruto was going home. He wanted to go with him to face the wrath of your husband. Still don’t know if the kid was feeling guilty or suicidal?”

Nadine raised her eyebrows at that. After dealing with her husband once, that young man was willing to face him again, knowing what he would do, just to comfort Naruto. 'Either that boy is stupid or he’s in love with my son,' she thought to herself with a small smile.

Jiriaya cleared his throat, interrupting her thought pattern. She looked up at him again, and noticed the serious expression on his face. He kept his eyes locked onto her own to let her know how important this was for him to say.

“You know… if anything happens at home, and for some reason or another Naruto can’t stay there, he’s always welcome here. That offer goes for you too, sis. You know how I feel about… your husband. He doesn’t deserve either of you in my opinion. You’re too good for him,” he said with a tone of finality. He had been trying to make his sister see that for years, but it had never really sunk in.

If Nadine had heard him say those same words a couple of weeks ago, she would have walked out on him. Like she had done any other time he said that. Now, though, she couldn’t help feeling that there was some truth to his words. Ever since her argument with Kazuma, she had gone over the little details in the time she had known him before and after they were married, and noticed things that she hadn’t paid attention to before. From the way he treated her as a subordinate and not an equal to the way he controlled Naruto’s life.

Different things had blinded her before, like her instruction to be a dutiful wife from her mother, and what she believed to be her last hope at ever getting married due to her age. Her mother had been married at the age of seventeen to her first husband, and then twenty-five to her second and last husband. Nadine’s younger sister had married before her as well, though she still didn’t have any children. At the time that she married Kazuma, she was twenty-nine and just settling. She honestly thought that she wouldn’t have another opportunity at her age. When Kazuma had proposed to her, she told herself that she would learn to love him as her husband.

Nadine realized now that she couldn’t honestly say what she felt towards her husband was love. It was more of a sense of duty as his wife. Something that had been ingrained into her brain and heart since she was a young girl. She had never really questioned her job as a wife until it interfered with her role as a mother. Who was more important to her: Her husband of nineteen years or the son that she has watched grow up from his first birthday to the young man he is today? She didn’t want to have to choose between the two, but she knew that if it came down to it there was no doubt as to who she would pick.

“Jiriaya… I think you may be right.” She finally told her brother, after years of listening to him but never believing him.

He placed his hand over her clasped ones’ and gave her a gentle squeeze. He meant it to be comforting, and that’s exactly how it felt to her. She smiled up at him, and he in turn grinned at her.

“Glad you’re finally starting to see how brilliant I am,” he told her with a quirk of one of his eyebrows. She hit him lightly on the hand for the comment.

“Oh come on, just admit I’ve been right all these years.”

Instead, she told him where he could stuff his oversized ego at, and then blushed at her own vulgarity. Her brother really was a bad influence. But she realized that she wouldn’t have loved him the same any other way. He just laughed at her and started talking about the store’s business and the kind of people that shopped there. Nadine decided not to mention the argument that her and Kazuma had. Only because she didn’t want Jiriaya to kill him. She would have to figure out her own way to deal with his attitude and change his opinion. If that didn’t work, then she could pull out the ultimate weapon that most wives have and threaten him with it.

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