Moon's Light, Reality's Dream

Author's Note: I was a little late posting this... Oh boy. Sorry guys! I overslept. Thank you for the reviews, and the views on the story! I hope you enjoy!

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Moon's Light, Reality's Dream
月の光、うつつの夢
Chapter Ten - 回収段階 (Recovery Phase)


再生の朝　綺麗な花に成るだろう
On the morning of rebirth, it may become a flower

Nisei woke up slowly, drawn to consciousness by her uncomfortable position on the floor. Glancing down at the book still in her lap, she paused. She wanted to get to her class early enough to stop Kouki from teaching it. Her eyes trailed up to the bed where Kakashi was still dreaming deeply. He must've been beyond exhausted. She moved quickly to her feet and set the book on the floor, hoping that the Jonin wouldn’t attempt bending over to get it. If he did, his world would once again fall out of place. It was an evil form of punishment, but he was supposed to be recovering, and it was time he remembered that.

‘I can’t believe I fell asleep after giving him that second dose of his medicine! I’m horrible…’ she scolded herself, as she pulled on her cloak. Slowly, the more she woke up, the more she began to remember last night’s events. That kiss…She stood at the side of his bed, her fingers moving idly over her lips. He'd stolen the first kiss she’d ever received. It was slightly embarrassing, but Anbu life left no time for regular dating activities. Not that her mind had wandered there at any particular time. What time did she have to spend on such things?

She pressed her fingers into the bed and leaned down. He looked peaceful while sleeping, despite the pink in his cheeks, and sweat beading along his forehead, both indications of his fever. Silver eyebrows drew together, as if expressing pain, and he turned his face towards her, his thin pointed nose sliding beneath the sheets. Even while sleeping, he managed to cover his face. She suppressed a burst of laughter as she pulled back and continued through the small apartment, then stepped outside. The warm weather assaulted her the moment she was under the sun’s rays. Luckily, the walk to Anbu’s headquarters was short.

That walk quickly became a race to get out of the uncomfortable heat and behind closed doors. Nisei glanced around the training area. It felt like a barren wasteland. Even the tools were put away. Not even one single operative could be found in the most trafficked room they used for training. Perhaps they were all outside in this beautiful weather. She walked through the wide double doors and looked out into the open meadow. The various dummies carved from wood stood perfectly straight in the dirt, and other thick wooden pieces were hung on the front of the trees. Kunai-less, unmarred, new – someone had changed things.

“Nisei-chan!” Kouki called out as he waved, seeing the Anbu captain standing there with a confused look on her face. He placed down the blocks of wood he was holding to cross the distance between them. “You’re not supposed to be here for another week. I’m covering your classes until Tsunade says I can stop undergoing mental torture.”

She smiled at his joke, thinking fondly of her little tyrants. “I’m sorry about that, though I can’t help but notice that no one is here today."

“Only because you’re late. I just sent them to the shower rooms, and to bed. Tsunade called for all available operatives for interrogation. It was something about an Anbu going rogue, so they were tired to begin with. We had an early training session, and now they’ve gone to rest. Tonight I’ll work them again, and get them back on their schedule.” Kouki gestured towards the new, more complicated training grounds. “What do you think? The summer keeps pressing on. I figured I’d make the practice yard more accommodating.”

“It looks the same, just fresh pieces of wood…” She walked over towards the nearest tree, and rested her back against it. He gasped, mock-insulted, as she laughed. “Once again, I’m sorry, Kouki-kun. Last night was just…odd.”

He sat down on the stack of logs, staring up into her gold eyes, curious now. “Oh? What exactly happened last night, I wonder.”

Immediately, a soft blush colored her cheeks as she remembered Kakashi’s kiss, and her heated reaction to it, slapping him as hard as she could. “I returned Kakashi’s Anbu mask.”

The senior Anbu captain couldn’t hide his irritation. “How did he respond to that?”

“He apologized.” It wasn’t a lie, but it also certainly wasn’t the truth, and it made her squirm just a little to think of it that way. With a shrug, she pushed off of the tree and started to walk away. She was forced to stop, finding herself caught in Kouki’s firm grip. His choppy, blond bangs stayed in his face, shielding his dark blue eyes from meeting hers. She glanced away biting her lip, having known that eventually this day would come. “Kouki…”

“After everything he’s done to you, after he left you and put you through the darkest part of your life... you’d still return to him?" Frustration colored his words, even though he managed to keep his voice low. "Sit.” Out of respect, she did as she was told, settling on the opposite side of the twin set of logs. He started to light the fire pit between them, remaining quiet for a long time while he sorted his thoughts. “I found you that day, when you were roaming out of the forest. I saw you collapse in a bloody mess, with the wound that left that scar under your eye.”

He pointed to it briefly, emphasizing it as he continued. “I know Kakashi is the one responsible. I know that you felt like it was your duty to stop him, but that kind of person is unreachable. He doesn’t want to be loved. Hatake Kakashi, the emotionless Ex-Anbu captain. Nisei, don’t waste any more time than you already have. I don’t want you to be hurt in the end.”

“Thank you for the concern…” She paused, trying to digest everything that he said. It was without a doubt all true, but obviously something had changed after last night. Whether it was a joke or not, Nisei would be unable to forget about the way it felt to have his lips on hers. The one who stole her first kiss, the only person she had ever thought about this way. No one else was Kakashi. Being alone didn’t matter. “Kouki, you’re my closest friend. Don’t do this, please.”

“You know that we could be more. I've never made a secret of how I feel...” He said with deliberate slowness, his meaningful gaze meeting her saddened expression through the spiraling flames. If Kakashi hadn’t existed, she would have ended up with this man. He’s strong, usually quiet, and if not quiet, then serious. Their friendship had opened up many doors, and it had closed others. She’d seen many sides of Kouki, but as long as her former sensei had a pulse, Nisei couldn’t see it ever being possible for her to be with someone else.

“I don’t care if he’ll never accept me in that aspect, so long as he looks at me.” Her voice quaked, she was shaking now, afraid of what she was feeling. She had been dead set on never seeing the Jonin again, but ever since the last mission, her feelings were starting to come back - those pathetic, ridiculous feelings. She tried to best these thoughts, but she knew damn well that in the end, she would just give in. “So long as he’s seeing me. I want him in my life again. It’s better than not having him at all. You should know that better than anyone.”

“Nisei, he can’t have you!” Kouki shook his head in angry denial. It was impossible for Kakashi to ever have her after what he’d done. He couldn’t understand this overpowering feeling. It went far beyond anger. Kouki knew Nisei better than Kakashi did, or so he liked to believe. He knew that the superior one would win her in the end. The control Kakashi had over her... He wondered if the Jonin knew that such a thing existed within his grasp. “I won’t let him have the chance to do it again.”

She let out a sigh. “This argument can and will go on forever. I’ll just leave now.”

He gripped her arms again, before she could walk away, and shook her. “Nisei! Stop and think about what you’re saying. I’m not letting you leave until you’ve come to your senses.”

“What if I choose not to-“

“Nisei-chan.”

She froze upon hearing that soft, familiar voice. This couldn’t be possible, not with Kakashi in bed, dizzy and exhausted. There was no way that he got up, got dressed, and walked over to the Anbu quarters. As she slowly turned her head, reality seemed to prove her wrong. There stood Kakashi, with his usual lazy expression, mask in place, and wearing his heavy Jonin attire. The Leaf forehead protector covered half of his face, but she was certain that his fever hadn't broken yet.

The Jonin raised his hand up and shook the pill bottle. His friendly eye-crease appeared. “I believe that you’re late.”

Kouki looked to the side and Nisei couldn’t ignore the feeling of his short nails digging into her arms, as his grip grew even tighter before he let her go. She gently reset her footing as Kouki slowly drew away and left her standing there, confused. He was walking purposefully towards Kakashi. After the conversation they shared, she wondered if Kouki would actually say something to the Jonin. She mentally prayed that he’d just keep walking.

Despite the fact that Kakashi was smiling behind his mask, he couldn’t completely hide the struggle that was evident on his face. He was incredibly ill from using the cursed Sharingan, and shouldn’t have been out of bed in the first place. Something hadn’t felt right when Nisei left, and then her not showing up to make sure he took his pills, concerned him - not that he needed a babysitter. Kouki stopped inches away from him, with a hand resting on his hip as he took a long look at Kakashi. “You don’t look so good, Kakashi senpai.”

Kakashi’s eyes narrowed. The fever wasn’t helping, and he felt on edge.

Kouki let out a short, sarcastic laugh. “It’s a good thing you have Nisei here, to help take care of you, ne?” He continued when Kakashi didn’t answer, his voice only audible to Kakashi. “If you hurt her, nothing will keep me away from making sure that you pay for it this time. Got it?”

The eye-crease appeared again. “It was nice seeing you, Kouki-kun.”

Just as Kouki left, the concealed expression on Kakashi’s face dropped, and he swayed slightly. The moment he showed the slightest imbalance, Nisei was beside him, wrapping her arm around his back and steadying him on his feet. He didn’t say anything as he draped his arm around her shoulder, and started to walk with her. It appeared he would need help back to his apartment, after all. It felt right being here, but also wrong. What he'd witnessed was none of his business.

“Why did you get out of bed?” There was the argument he knew would happen. He let her continue, knowing that she was nowhere near finished. “You’re in no position to be walking around your tiny apartment, let alone halfway across the village!”

Whether it was sheer pride, or the constant reminders of being bedridden, he effectively dodged her questions with one of his own. Her personal matters were things that weren't really his business, but maybe those were the things he should be questioning. “What is Kouki to you?”

“My superior, and my friend.” She carefully helped him down the steps. As soon as he was outside of the Anbu building, he pulled away and stood to his full height.

“That was awfully close for a friend, Nisei.”

“Maybe we could have been more, if things were different,” she answered truthfully, while looking away from him. “Why does that matter now?”

“Ask Kouki.”

They locked gazes for a long moment. The wind shifted comfortably around them, the chilly breeze nipping at their exposed flesh. It felt good in the summer heat. The silence in the village was unusual, but it was fitting for the moment. Gold eyes flashed at onyx. He placed a hand inside his pocket, his lazy stature making him look incredibly thin. It could also be that he didn't seem to have food in his house, or she'd never caught him eating, at least.

“We’re just friends,” Nisei finished, as they resumed walking. She kept to a slow pace, not wanting to risk the chance of Kakashi becoming dizzy again. But other thoughts were starting to plague her now. Why had Kakashi asked her what she thought of Kouki? He didn't care about things like that, especially when it pertained to her.

He opened the door to his apartment and immediately went into his room. She could hear the ruffling of clothes. He was probably melting with the heat, wearing that uniform with a fever. Despite the summer weather, the Jonin felt the need to cover as much skin as possible. She had to wonder about his secrecy. He was probably now changing back into the tank top and loose bottoms. She would see about finding him some food and a fan when she went shopping in a little while.

It was the perfect time to go, seeing as how he’d gone out of his way to avoid her.

She knocked softly on the side of the doorframe. “I’ll be back. I’m going to the market.”

Frowning at his lack of response, she peeked her head in to look at him. Her cheeks flushed as her eyes widened at the scenery. His arms were sprawled out across the bed, positioned upwards towards the pillow. He kept his head to the side, that mass of silver hair in his face without the forehead protector in place. Her eyes followed the thin tip of his nose to his parted pale lips, then along the junction of his neck and shoulders, continuing along his gently muscled back. Sweat added a shimmer to the light ups and downs of his breathing.

He had already passed out.

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Hitori tried to will herself to stop trembling, mentally cursing the weakness of her body, as she pulled her fabric mask up over her face. Her Anbu mask must still be laying on the forest floor where Yomi had so casually tossed it, because it certainly wasn't here. She'd just have to be without it. With an unusual amount of impatience, she pulled a brush through her long, crimson hair. Just because her mind was a mess, that was no reason for the rest of her to be disheveled.

The guards at the door watched her as she stepped out, but made no move to stop her. That, at least, was promising. Small, silent steps led her to the room where she knew he would be sitting behind a mountain of paperwork, that same calm, unruffled look on his face as always. Just the thought of facing him brought back the simmering, irrational feeling of anger she was coming to know all too well.

She stepped into the room, glancing around quickly. Aside from Gaara himself, the room was deserted, which suited her very well.

"Should you be up and moving around yet?" His calm, quiet voice snapped her attention immediately to him, and she was thankful that his eyes were still on the papers in front of him. The uncanny ability he had to know what she was thinking made her nervous and uncomfortable. A moment passed during which her voice seemed locked in her throat. Hitori shook her head slightly, took a deep breath, and tried again.

"I want to go home." His eyes finally met hers, and she nearly froze, but forced herself to continue. "Please."

"No." He turned to the side after answering, but watched her out of the corner of his eye, wondering if she knew just how much of herself she gave away with those innocent jade eyes. "You've been ordered to stay here until I see fit to release you."

She blinked in surprise at the quick denial, her hands slowly clenching into fists once the moment of shock had faded, though she kept her voice calm. "And how long do you think it will be before you 'see fit' to release me?"

"That I don't know. It could be never." Gaara turned back towards her and met her eyes again. He could almost feel the heat from that furious glare. Narrowing his eyes a little, he propped his elbow on the desk and rested his chin on the back of his hand. "To tell you the truth, Danzou seemed pleased to be rid of you." Lifting a paper from his desk, he appeared to read from it. "This refers to you as a 'failed experiment' that I may 'feel free' to do with as I please, and should you ever return to Konoha," his turquoise eyes held hers as he spoke the last words, "you are likely to be killed on sight." Leaning back a little in his chair, he crossed his arms lightly over his chest. "If all the information I've been given is correct, you are, in fact, now considered rogue. Your master has no use for you anymore."

A jolt of pain tightened her chest. The sensation was like being hit, only deeper. Anger swept through her accompanied by strange impressions: the furious sting of sand driven by a harsh wind, the smell of blood lingering in the air, cold, lifeless skin beneath her fingers. All of these things combined to drive her to her knees, her head hanging down as she stared at the floor, feeling the welling of tears in her eyes. The overwhelming weight of sorrow, the ache of loss, pressed down upon her. How strange it felt to lose what you never knew you had.

Gaara watched her silently for several minutes, waiting to see if she had any reply to what he'd said. Her hands remained clenched, the knuckles white. He wondered if her palms were bleeding from her short nails digging into the flesh. "I have a task for you." Papers rustled as he stacked more on top of the precariously leaning stack before him. "Go to the mirrored room."

"What am I to do in the mirrored room?" She never raised her head. Her voice was audible, but muffled, and she sounded on the verge of tears. It grated against every nerve within her to be overwhelmed and frightened by herself. She'd spent so long with emotion repressed inside of her that she had no way to deal with, or understand, this foreign aspect of human nature. It was only recognizable as pain. The thought of something even vaguely resembling an order gave a strange, cold sort of comfort to her. There was familiarity in being told what to do.

"Think." He watched her stiffen as her head slowly raised up again, confusion all over her face. The slight relaxation she'd exhibited only a moment before had disappeared swiftly, as if he'd imagined it.

"What am I to think about?"

"Whatever comes to mind."

"Wakaremashita," she said in a low, dark tone as she stood again and bowed quickly. Without another word, she turned on her heel and stalked out of the room, stopping in front of the door to the mirrored room. The wooden surface seemed to mock her, and already she could feel her own eyes staring back at her from all those silvered surfaces. Already, she could hear her own voice in her head, taunting her with memories of her failures, and the odd emotional responses she'd had of late. This room was the last place she wanted to be.

Kankurou stepped away from the wall and dragged a chair over in front of Gaara's desk, easing into it with a sigh. His head turned a moment later at a loud slam that must've been the door to the mirrored room closing. "I used to think you were smart, but now I wonder. You did that all wrong, Gaara." He shook his head slowly, not even trying to hide the frown that creased his face.

"What would you know about it?" Gaara's brow raised questioningly even as his eyes narrowed slightly. "Just how long were you standing there, anyway?" It was as close as he would come to admitting that he hadn't noticed his brother's arrival. Hitori wasn't the only one dealing with confusion.

Kankurou sighed again. "Long enough to know you just made a stupid mistake. What the hell were you thinking?" His mind flashed back to the scene he'd witnessed only the day before: the slow sweep of the butterfly's wings over clasped hands, the locked gazes, the nearly visible confusion in the air. And yet, they'd seemed so close in those few moments. It had all turned upside down, now. "You're making this harder than it has to be. For both of you."

Gaara chose to ignore the implications of his brother's words, instead answering Kankurou's question with one of his own. "What was my mistake?"

"You really don't see it?" A short laugh came from the older man, his eyes closing almost in frustration. "She's just like you were. Created to be a weapon, and nothing else. Only now, she has no master. Destructive, angry, out of control... and you sent her into a room that terrifies her. A room full of glass." He put his hands on the desk and leaned closer. "What do you think is going to happen?"

Turquoise eyes widened slightly just a moment before the first shattering crash reached their ears. They both leapt up, but Kankurou reached the doorway first, his face concerned as he sprinted down the hall.

Hitori ignored the glass flying around her as she slammed her foot into yet another mirror. Rents and rips in her clothes showed flashes of torn, bloodied flesh. Some were deeper than others. The mocking voice in her head only got louder as she drew her weapon from her back, reversed it in her hand, and crashed the bottom of the hilt into yet another wall of glass. A large, jagged piece sliced across her cheek, but she didn't even feel it. If anything, the pain was welcome.

Kankurou darted into the room and froze, just in time to watch the mirror explode in front of the Anbu. He raised an arm to shield himself from the flying glass, and while his view was blocked, the last mirror was shattered. He waited for the sound of the falling shards but it never came, and he risked peeking over his arm. Hitori was held fast by sand, pinned against a now blank wall. Her head hung down as her weapon dropped from nerveless fingers. He backed away slowly as Gaara advanced towards her, the sand releasing her once he was close. Exhausted and bloody, she collapsed against the redhead, his arms closing around her, holding her up.

"I had no idea you would react so violently to my suggestion," he said softly, ignoring the blood that stained through her clothes into his. Hitori stiffened, pulling herself away from him and standing unsteadily, still refusing to meet his eyes. "Come with me...?" The tone of his voice made the statement a request rather than an order, and she silently allowed his arm to settle around her waist as he led her from the room.

Left alone in the destroyed room, Kankurou argued with himself about whether or not to follow. Leaving those two alone was like tossing a match onto oil - bound to go up in a blazing inferno - and yet he was loathe to disturb them. What was happening between them was something they had to deal with on their own. As he slowly walked back to the office, he caught himself wondering if either of them had any idea at all what they were really feeling.

Gaara led her straight into the shower, turning on the cold water before standing her beneath it. She gasped slightly when it hit her, then finally looked up at him. "I think you need to cool off, hmm?" He turned to walk away, the image of her pained eyes lingering in his mind, when a soft sound made him turn back. For a moment, he didn't see anything wrong.

Hitori felt unconsciousness threatening the moment he started walking away, and fought against it. The cold water felt good, but it was doing little to keep her on her feet. Her hand met the tiled wall behind her just a moment before her eyes finally closed, her knees buckling beneath her.

He stepped forward and caught her, the water soaking through his clothes and plastering his unruly hair down against his face. "Why do you do this to yourself?" he nearly whispered, and she mumbled something, but he couldn't hear or understand what it was. "Hitori..."

Her eyes blinked open slowly, taking a long moment to focus on him before her hands rose to push weakly at his chest. "Let me go." She trembled against him, all those confusing feelings flooding through her again, unable to ignore the warmth where their bodies met, or how it felt to be held so tightly.

"If I let you go, you'll fall." Keeping his right arm around her, he reached out with his left and turned the water off, backing them out of the shower and into the bedroom. That torn mask was bothering him. Blood still trickled slowly from the cut beneath it as he raised his hand. The fabric parted easily at his touch and fell away from her face, the tips of his fingers still resting just against her skin. Her head raised, and wide, almost terrified green eyes met his. "Who are you hiding from? The world... or just yourself?"

She started to answer, then stopped, her eyes closing as a pained expression crossed her face. It burned almost like fire where he touched her skin. The right words wouldn't come, no matter how hard she tried to force anything out. She didn't know how to answer his question, anyway. Every wall she'd built around herself was crumbling to dust, because of him. A long moment of silence enveloped them before she found her voice again.

"Does it always hurt to feel?" He could see unshed tears shimmering in her eyes, making the green even paler. Her lower lip trembled slightly as he rested his hand gently against her neck. Without thinking, he leaned forward, his lips just brushing against hers, the barest whisper of contact.

"Gaara, I... Oh!" Kankurou stepped back slowly, jet eyes wide with surprise. "I'll wait for you outside." He didn't meet his brother's gaze as Gaara's head turned towards him, deciding instead to get out of the room as quickly as possible.

"You should rest now." His deep voice was soft. Hitori felt her face flushing lightly as Gaara stepped away from her, turning slightly to the side. "And to answer your question... not always."

He was gone before she could even think of replying. As if in a daze, she somehow got herself out of her torn, wet clothes and into dry ones before settling onto the bed. Even through the confusing tangle of her thoughts, she realized he'd actually answered her question twice. The moment her eyes closed, she felt his lips brushing against hers again.

It felt like butterfly wings.

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End of Chapter Ten! Thank you for reading!