Broke Straight Guys

Broke Straight Guys
We did it, y'all! We're through the woods of the side stories!

Lil_lo: Yes, baby life support should not be funny. And yet... I liked Mikoto too much to not have her get her happy ending. Writing Naruto for the last chapter was probably the most fun I've had writing him since I started doing fanfiction.

Carousel: The plot thickens a bit more with this one as well...

Midnight Essence: And here's some main story!

0o0

Handy Man

0o0

Fists pummeled punching bags and a cloud of sweat filled the air. He'd long gotten used to it, as he'd been told he would. In the ring his sweetheart danced back and forth on the balls of his feet, moving in brutal choreography with his foe. Staying at the door was his best bet for now, so he didn't distract the combatants and end the fight prematurely for one of them. Regulars of the gym muttered quick greetings as they passed. Recognition was a blessing in itself, given that he hadn't though they'd accept his lanky, decidedly unmanly presence. In their eyes, he probably came off as downright feminine. Nothing for them to take seriously or to consider as a threat, rather a creature too piteous to mock that walked amongst them with his tail between his legs as he submitted to their alpha male status. Getting harassed was something that had worried him once he became a frequent visitor, but up to this point he'd had no issues with it. Dating one of the toughest guys in the place seemed to help.

They hadn't exactly come out and announced their couple status to the world, but the fellows seemed to be able to put two and two together. In fact, most of them seemed brighter than he'd originally imagined. No one voiced grief about their union, so he figured that things were sound. Unbeknownst to him was the insidious plot to rid him from the lives of the gym and its members schemed up by a devious youth and his reluctant friend, who was currently mustering up the courage to try and talk to their unsuspecting victim.

Udon was shaking in his boots. In his humble opinion, Gaara was a pretty nice guy, queer or not. On the other hand, Konohamaru couldn't stand him and was absolutely convinced the man was Satan incarnate come to convert Naruto and the rest of the gym's men into the evils of same-sex love. Due to his crippling social awkwardness, Udon wasn't exactly the best at making new friends and being lonely sucked. Therefore, he was more than willing to do whatever it took—short of murder, naturally—to maintain the integrity of the few friendships he had. Wasting time on thinking about whether it was right or wrong was useless. The end result would be the same. The time to act was now.

"Mr. Gaara?" Enraptured in the fight, Gaara didn't seem to hear him. He tried again, "Mr. Gaara, can I talk to you about something?"

How pathetic he sounded! What was Konohamaru thinking? This was a grown man they were dealing with, not one of the pothead slackers they saw at school. Did they honestly think they could pull one over on him?

Wincing as Killerbee took a glancing blow to the cheek, he turned slightly so he could keep one eye on his boyfriend and the other on the kid. "Yeah?"

"I was wondering, if you're not too busy—"

"Gaara, I need your opinion real quick."

Curses! Well, maybe he could back out now while there was still a chance. Konohamaru couldn't blame him. He'd tried and failed and now things could go back to normal.

"Hold that thought, Udon. What is it, Sakura?"

Given that she was Naruto's ex, Gaara had a hard time dealing with her in the beginning. Did man-code dictate that he should avoid her or not? It was very confusing. Opting for the safer path, he found excuses to not talk to her and did his damndest to ensure that the two of them were never alone together. Quickly tired of getting the runaround, Sakura cornered him in her office and threatened to introduce him to a world of pain like he'd never known if he didn't stop avoiding her. Gaara had no choice but to surrender.

He soon discovered she was actually rather nice when she wasn't about to inflict bodily harm upon him or Naruto or whoever else was convenient at the time. In fact, he had to profess a certain fondness towards her. Sakura reminded him a great deal of Tenten. Undoubtedly the two women would get along very well if they ever met. Keeping them apart had been unintentional up to this point. If Naruto was to be believed, it was their natural instincts telling them that putting together two dangerous women together had the potential to end very, very badly and Gaara had difficulties arguing otherwise.

"Listen up, I've got a date in three days. Should I get a haircut?" Sakura fingered her already short hair, flicking a strawberry blonde lock out of her face.

"You sound like you've already decided to get one." Pointless questions were pointless. Why ask when your mind was already made up?

"Irrelevant. What should I get done to it?"

"I don't know, ask your stylist," Gaara said irritably. Missing the fight was bad enough and he loathed being the default consultant of all things fashion. Being a gay man, he supposed he should expect it, but those who asked seemed to be masters of unfortunate timing. "I think it's fine. Is that it?"

"Sheesh, catty much?" Sakura cocked a neatly groomed brow at him. "Take my advice: get laid. It'll do you a world of good."

Like he hadn't already figured that out. Who knew that taking it slow and waiting for the right moment could be such a pain? The furthest he'd gotten with Killerbee since that dinner was some heavy petting and they always stopped at a crucial point. Frustration kept building and building so steadily that he thought his balls were going to turn blue and fall off. He almost felt sympathetic for the exes he'd played coy with when they wanted to get it on. Diligent self-servicing had become a part of his routine and when he missed an appointment with Mr. Righty, things never got better. In fact, when their last session started to get hot and heavy, he'd completely humiliated himself.

As usual, they'd started with kissing and worked their way to touching that devolved into groping mere seconds before it happened. Killerbee was speaking in that soft, sexy whisper his voice never failed to drop into when they got themselves into this. Gaara couldn't remember what he'd been saying, but lord knows that it was beautifully sinful. His cock was rock hard against the fabric of his jeans, angry red and swollen to bursting. A steady stream of precum oozed from the head, drooling enthusiastically with each fresh touch Gaara received, be it on his shoulders or his ass. It was maddening beyond words.

One of Killerbee's big hands had slipped down between his thighs and cupped his sack, squeezing it gently as he whispered sweet nothings. Gaara promptly blew his load. Unable to stop the full body spasms brought on by the sudden orgasm, Gaara thrust his crotch frantically across Killerbee's palm like a dog in heat to maintain sweet contact as he rode out the waves. Jizz erupted from his cockhead in gushing pulses, making his briefs slippery and wet. He could feel it smearing further and further down his dick with each jerk of his hips until it was nearly at his asshole. Some animal noise—it couldn't be called a groan or a whimper or a roar, it was just this beastly noise—ripped out of his throat as his back arched and still he fucked that hand like it was his lifeline. Seizing for the last few times, he collapsed in a gelatinous heap and cried. To be brought to his peak by something as simple as a little touch was more than embarrassing, it was shameful. Was this the power of lust?

The mood had been awkward for the rest of the evening. Neither of them had expected it to happen. Gaara had cleaned himself up in the bathroom and Killerbee had been careful of how he handled his boyfriend until it was time for him to leave. The whole thing was driving him insane. Being so sexually aware of himself was frighteningly new. Before Killerbee, it had always taken the backseat in relationship. Now it was screaming bloody murder in the forefront of his mind whenever they were together.

Sakura was long gone by the time he wandered free of his haze, but Udon was still there, staring at him with an uneasy patience. Hadn't he had a question of some sort? "Sorry about that. My head was in the clouds. What did you want?"

"It's not that important, I should just go…"

"No, talk to me. What's bugging you?" Anything to get his mind off his own problem.

Udon was stuck. The bait had been taken and it was time to reel in the prize. He could feel Konohamaru burning a hole in his back with his glare. "Can you…"

"Can I what?"

"Teach me how to be gay?"

Shock immediately registered on Gaara's face. "Say what?"

"Teach me how to be gay." More confident, he straightened up and looked Gaara dead in the eye.

"Is this a joke or something? If so, it's not a very good one."

"You won't do it?"

"I can't teach you a sexual orientation." Gaara couldn't believe he was even having this conversation. "On top of that, I don't want to help you do something you might regret later. You're not old enough to really know you're gay."

"When did you 'really know' you were?"

The kid had a point. He had completely switched over to men by age seventeen. "I can't 'teach' you anything, but the least we can do is fix your hair. You won't catch anyone's eye with such a cheap cut."

Udon felt deeply offended. His mother cut his hair. He loved his mother and to go elsewhere for his hair needs seemed borderline sacrilegious. But for the sake of the mission, he would have to do it.

"Fine."

"Got anything to write on?"

Udon offered his arm. Gaara put down his phone number on it in blue ink. It would last long enough for Udon to transfer the number to paper elsewhere.

"Call me sometime and I'll set up an appointment for you."

The first stage of the operation a success, Udon slinked back to report to Konohamaru like an underling serving an evil lord. Konohamaru would be pleased to hear that progress had been made in the destruction of the man he so vehemently despised. Their prey was oblivious as ever.

Gaara approached the ring deferentially, observing the savage dance between the two muscular gods who battled it out in the name of glory—or perhaps simple practice. Killerbee cornered his opponent, only to be forced back. Strategy-making was instantly resumed by both contenders, feeling for gaps in defense, wondering if the other was starting to get tired. The black wasp on Killerbee's shoulder flexed with each stinging punch, jabbing its ink weapon in a mime of his gloved fists. Gaara let his eyes wander down to the thickly muscled calves of his man, moving swiftly and as needed for the battle rhythm to be set. His grey athletic shorts reflected the lights in brevite, silvery flashes. From where he stood, Killerbee was larger than life.

"Dude, I am so freaking tired. Cardio kills." Someone gulped down what sounded like half a bottle of water right next to him. "I just wanna go home and pass out in bed and I'll have had a good day."

There went the moment. Killerbee was reduced to mere mortal once more. Gaara gave the intruder upon his daydream a simpering sideways glance. "Naruto, was there something you wanted in particular?"

Monstrous gurgling erupted from the boxer's belly. "Now that you mention it… Not saying that you have to cook or anything. I could cook—no wait, I suck ass at cooking. We could go to a restaurant. I got paid on Friday. Surf and turf sounds mighty fine right about now."

"Sorry, but my evening has already been booked up."

"Ohh, that's right! Stupid, stupid, stupid…" Naruto chuckled. "Sometimes I forget that you come to see Bee, not me. You got two got a hot date or something?"

"No, we were going to spend the night in." Provided that all went well, Gaara might just get Killerbee to scratch the itch that had been plaguing him so doggedly.

"Sounds sweet. Hey, would you mind if Sasuke and I—"

Screwed up his chances of having some consensual adult fun? Over his dead body! "It'll probably be boring. You wouldn't be interested."

"If you say so…" Naruto sighed. "Now I'll be stuck looking at Sasuke's stupid face yet again."

Gaara was a man on a mission. No amount of guilting was going to sway him. "Invite Tenten to your place."

"No way. I'm exhausted already and I haven't even done my shift yet. I love her, but she'd probably screw me to death. Or ask me to try using some of her 'toys' on her. I've been dodging that one for a couple weeks now." Naruto shuddered. What was the big deal with sex toys? Were men not good enough for them? No man worth his salt would dare try bringing one of those things into the bedroom. That was cheating, plain and simple.

"Have you considered that you could have her over and not have sex?"

Naruto began to say something, then paused and thought about it. "I guess not. You've totally solved my dilemma. I knew they had to be teaching you some good stuff at college."

"I should hope so with what I'm paying them to educate me."

Without them noticing, the match ended in a draw. Apparently the guy Killerbee had been fighting had a doctor's appointment that he was about to be late for. It was a shame, but there was always tomorrow. Killerbee undid his gloves and climbed over the ropes to greet his boyfriend.

"Hey, Gaara…"

"Hey."

Both of them were clueless as to what they should say and blushed nervously. The unfortunate premature ejaculation burned hotly in Killerbee's mind. Was he right in delaying the consummation of their relationship so long when it was obvious that Gaara wanted it? It wasn't like he didn't. Handling Gaara with kid gloves bothered him and he held a deep sexual attraction for him. He didn't want to humiliate him again with a repeat of that night by stringing him along with more petting. Logic dictated that he should just go ahead and do it. Yet he couldn't.

That one nagging question tugged at his mind was the only thing stopping him, though he couldn't find the guts to ask. So long as that question went unanswered, he would maintain his celibacy. He had to.

Neither had found words to say.

Naruto broke the awkwardness. "Bee, I still can't figure out how you go from being the biggest badass I know to this. You really like Gaara, huh?"

"Yes." Killerbee's face betrayed his embarrassment and he adjusted his glasses. He was aware of his feelings, but to have them confirmed by someone else was slightly off-putting. "I do."

Taking note of the situation, Sakura grabbed Naruto by the ear and dragged him away. Once they were out of earshot, she furiously whispered, "Stop being such an idiot, idiot! They don't want you butting in on their together time!"

"But Sakura…"

"Don't 'but Sakura' me! Look at them!"

They looked.

"Ready for tonight?" Killerbee's voice was soft, tender.

"By that, if you mean I'm ready to surrender to your dorky tendencies and watch a marathon of some sci-fi show, then yes." Gaara couldn't fight the teasing smile that was currently gracing his lips.

Killerbee tutted at his boyfriend pityingly. "Not just some sci-fi show. Dr. Who. Don't you know it's a cultural phenomenon?"

"Excuse me for not watching BBC religiously to catch all the episodes."

"No need for that, I've got all the DVDs."

"Nerd."

"You only say that because you love me." Killerbee cuffed his lover playfully.

"Next thing I know, you'll be trying to convert me into being a Trekkie."

"How'd you know?"

Killerbee dipped his head and kissed him. Gaara's supple lips parted most willingly and Killerbee drew him closer. In his arms, Gaara almost felt like a toy. So small and fragile compared to his previous lovers. Most of them had been more of his stature except a few who'd been even bigger than him. There was a terrifying sense that if he squeezed Gaara too hard, he would break. The notion scared him so greatly he rarely dared to think of it for fear that it would come true like some sort of twisted premonition.

Public displays of affection such as these were uncommon and after the accidental orgasm incident, they had stopped completely. He took a shuddering breath, recalling that face Gaara had made as he came, that beautiful face. He had wanted to keep going, to make Gaara pull down his pants so he could suck on his cummy underwear, maybe toss his salad while he was at it. He had been curious about it for a while now, but he'd been playing bottom for his last few significant others and never had the chance. Never, until Gaara. If only he hadn't set these restrictions on himself! He could have licked the cum off Gaara's nuts and then jackhammered into that little white ass until the break of dawn—but it was not to be. Someone had to keep a rein on their desires and Gaara was fighting a losing battle with himself. He had to step up to the plate. This time, it had to be different. He couldn't go rushing into sex like he had so many times before. He was tired of hearing his lovers spout words of affection to get him into bed and then dump him the next day. He and Gaara deserved better than that.

They separated, panting lightly. It was the first time they had kissed in the gym. Whoever hadn't figured out they were gay sure as hell knew now.

"I'll make a sci-fi fan out of you yet."

The exchange didn't go unnoticed.

"What the hell?"

Udon had been hoping nothing would happen. "Don't make a scene, Kono…"

"You have to work faster, Udon. He's already infiltrated the gym and screwed up Mr. Bee. There's no way he was gay before now. He's not a sissy like him." Konohamaru chewed on his knuckles, suppressing his desire to erupt in a violent rant at the man who was corrupting the place he called home.

"How come you're so preoccupied with Mr. Gaara? I mean, you harass him at work and you want me to go undercover to find a way to destroy him. What do you have against him?"

"I don't care about him as a person, it's just what he is that gets under my skin. Men sleeping with men just isn't right." Konohamaru gave Gaara the evil eye for a few seconds before turning it on his friend. "You're not on his side, are you?"

"No, it's just… Isn't there a better way of doing this? This seems kinda excessive."

"Nothing is too obsessive for faggots. If you knew even half of the sick stuff they did, you wouldn't call it excessive."

Udon saw that arguing otherwise was futile, so he shut up. Konohamaru could be so high-strung sometimes.

In another section of the gym, Naruto had escaped Sakura for a moment to see his friends off. "Have fun with your marathon. I didn't know you were such a nerd, Bee."

Killerbee laughed and slapped Naruto on the back. Naruto wheezed, fairly sure that his ribcage had just been dislocated from his spine. Killerbee whispered, "Only Gaara gets to call me a nerd. Got it?"

"Got it…" He could feel his organs still sloshing around from the sudden jarring they'd received.

"What did I tell you about bothering them?"

"Sakuraaaa…" Naruto whined as she dragged him into her office.

"Sit." She pointed at the empty cot.

Naruto obeyed, sulking as Sakura crossed her arms and looked down at him. "What's wrong with wanting to hang out with my friends?"

"Couples need their space. Sometimes they want to be with each other, not you. They're trying to figure out whether or not they want to spend the rest of their lives together."

"Well I know that, but what's the big deal about hanging out? They're my friends. We do it all the time."

"They can't be intimate when you or Sasuke are around. They're too polite for that."

"Uh, polite? The first time Gaara met Bee, he said that he wanted Bee to bone him… but with slightly more detail." Not to mention that Killerbee had just practically reorganized his internal organs with a single smack. Politeness was selective for the two of them.

"Saying something is one thing. Actually doing it is another."

"They can be intimate around us!" It wasn't like he was saying 'don't make in front of us, it's gross'.

"Really? Name a time." Sakura was deadpan. Naruto was a nice guy, but he could be a complete dunce.

Naruto racked his brain for times Killerbee and Gaara had ever done anything remotely romantic in their presence. "They sit on the couch together when we watch TV."

"Is it snuggling or just sitting?"

"Sometimes Bee will put his arm around Gaara…" Now that he thought about it, they didn't do anything when he was around. "But I hang out with them individually too! I was talking to Gaara about us going out and getting something to eat tonight before Bee finished his match! Bee already called dibs on him tonight, so we can do it some other time and I won't be rocking the boat!"

"Naruto, do you know what we call two people going out and doing things together? It's a date."

"It's a guy's night out!"

"No matter what way you try to spin it, it's basically a date. And you know what? Gaara wants to go on a date with his boyfriend, not you."

"But…"

Flickers of understanding had passed through those blue eyes. Progress. "Finally getting it through that thick skull of yours? Every time you take Gaara out on one of these dates—"

"It's not a date!"

"—or invite him over to your apartment, regardless of whether Bee is there with him or not, you are putting a strain on their relationship. You are taking time away from them that could be used on each other. You don't understand that there have to be boundaries for everyone to be happy. They aren't party all the time guys like Sasuke. Did you ever once stop to think 'maybe I shouldn't call them tonight' before you dialed their numbers?"

Naruto didn't get why she was trying to put this all on him. "I thought one of them would say no if they didn't want to!"

"They shouldn't have to! And I'm not saying that you shouldn't hang out with them at all, it's just that you do it too much! You're interrupting the flow of their lives by being an idiot! This has happened a million times before and you probably haven't even realized it!" Sakura had hoped that it wouldn't come to shouting. She closed the door out of courtesy for Naruto. Getting chewed out was never fun, less so when it was in a semi-public place. "You get a new friend and if you like them enough, you get clingy. Sometimes it works out, like with Sasuke. You eventually backed off enough after he put up with your crap for so long and things are going fine. It's not working out with Gaara and Bee. You have to stop it before you screw things up for all three of you."

There was nothing to screw up. Everything was fine… wasn't it? "Sakura, I—"

"Don't you see? This is part of why I broke up with you. You can't read all the cues, only the ones you want to. In other words, you're selfish and immature. People have lives, Naruto. And for the most part, they don't revolve around you."

Sakura gathered her things, ignoring the shell-shocked Naruto as she left for the day. She didn't intend to stick around for the repercussion. Naruto was an adult and he should have gotten over that habit by now. Selfishly thrusting himself into his friend's lives whenever it was convenient for him was not the way to live. In the end, people would get sick of it and leave him.

Leave him all alone.

Guilt began gnawing away at her. Being alone was Naruto's greatest fear, one he'd confided in her while they were still dating. He hadn't meant to, but on one of the rare occasions she deigned to spend the night in his place he had had a horrendous nightmare that he woke up screaming from. Seeing the normally unflappable man shaking and drenched in cold sweat had unnerved her deeply. Without prompting, words began flowing out of his mouth as he buried his head in his hands. She doubted he even knew what he was saying. The synopsis was fast and garbled, but she managed to get the gist of it. Solitude was Naruto's kryptonite.

Maybe she had said too much. He'd probably come to the same conclusion she had. Perhaps she should go back. But it was probably too late.

Sakura hailed a taxi and felt lower than a worm.

Packing his gear in his duffle bag, Naruto innocuously slipped out of the gym without being noticed. Why hadn't anyone said anything sooner? Or had he just not been listening, like Sakura said? How was he supposed to know that he was screwing up a relationship when neither member of the couple would speak up about it? Were the dozens of meals Gaara had made for them ones that would have preferably gone to Killerbee? Were the runs he and Killerbee went on a shallow substitute for another activity that could have been done with Gaara? Did they even like him?

Of course they did, he tried to assure himself. If they didn't like him, they would abandon him. Either way, what he had done was unforgivable.

Head low in shame, he trudged to work.

I0I0I0I0I

"Why are the Ood so creepy?" Gaara huddled closer to Killerbee, trying not to upset the popcorn bowl from his lap.

"I believe the appearance of a person or creature affects their public perception, so something that the general public considers to look creepy, then it's likely that all actions from said creature will be interpreted as creepy."

"Since when can a desire to summon an evil demon overlord to bring about mass destruction be construed as not creepy?"

"Good point."

Tilting his head back, the last remnants of cream soda swirled down the long neck of the bottle and into his throat. He chased it with a fistful of popcorn. Their attire was as casual as it could get without being naked: sweatpants and old t-shirts. Neither of them was going anywhere and Gaara would spend another—unfortunately—sexless night in his boyfriend's apartment.

Zetsu came out of his room in a green shirt that had some small company logo embroidered on the chest. "Oh, The Satan Pit. I like this one."

"Have fun at work," Killerbee said.

"I'll try." Out the door he went.

"Where does he work? That uniform looked familiar."

"It's called Wondertronics. They sell surplus electronics, I think. Zetsu is one of their best employees. He's always getting called in to check the merchandise and handle customers and clean up messes."

"They must not have much staff."

"That's what he said. Sometimes he's gone for a couple of days because they have him do long distance travel to pick up stuff from the supplier, 'cause he's got a CDL. Saves them money, I guess."

"Wow. Does he ever have free time?"

"They're pretty lenient with his schedule. They only call him in when they need him."

"Wish I had those hours."

"I know, right? But I like the fact that you've got your time divided up neatly. It lets me know when I can have you to myself." Killerbee's arm tightened around Gaara.

Skin surging with the heat of arousal, his gentle hold felt like fire to Gaara. He pressed his nose to the niche where the Muslim man's arm met with its socket, bathing in the musky smell. Once, half a lifetime ago it seemed, such scents had been a major turnoff. Now it made his skin prickle with a slow-building delight that went from his head to his toes. Gaara inched closer, accidentally knocking the popcorn out of Killerbee's lap.

"Dammit," Gaara muttered, trying to brush the spilled kernels into a pile.

Killerbee paused him, taking him by the wrist to pull him closer. He had promised himself that he wouldn't do this, but the cause seemed lost. "That can wait."

They kissed, lips resting so Gaara could straddle Killerbee's lap and resuming shortly thereafter. But Killerbee found himself hesitating.

"Gaara, can I talk to you for a second?"

Gaara's aching prick was screaming 'no! no!' but his mouth said, "Yes."

"Whenever I go to a club, there's always one of two mental responses from people who are interested in me. It's either 'oh, he must be hung' or 'oh, he must have AIDS'. I think it's fairly obvious which people avoid me and which ones come talk to me. I have dated both men and women who have only seen me as either a big dick or a cumdump. None of my relationships have been successful once sex is involved, no matter how good they were before. It feels like a curse." Killerbee muttered something in Persian. "I don't want this to be like that."

"It won't be."

"I have to know, are you with me for some penis that may or may not be up to whatever standards you had coming into this relationship or are you with me for me?"

"Bee, I'm with you because I love you. For all I care, your dick could be the size of my pinky." Gaara waggled the finger in his boyfriend's face. "It doesn't matter."

"That's good to hear."

"Now come on, don't be a tease. You want me, don't you?" Gaara didn't know who'd hijacked his vocal cords, but he didn't care.

Groping, searching, Killerbee's hands did a quick survey of Gaara's body before going home to their favorite place. The skin of his lover's ass was baby smooth and he handled it like fine porcelain. "You have no idea."

"Tell me, then."

Killerbee pressed his face against Gaara's neck, kissing it with his bearded mouth. "I think about your ass night and day, wondering what it's like to be inside you. You're not the type to give it up easily, so I know you've gotta be tight, like a virgin. Maybe you are one."

"No, not a virgin. But only twice. The second time was…" This wasn't exactly the type of talk appropriate for an intimate moment. Then again, Killerbee had broken that rule recently himself. "It was a stupid, painful mistake."

"Forget it. Let me be your second. And if you think that's a mistake too, I hope it's the best damn mistake in your life." His beard rasped against Gaara's neck and he fondled that sweet ass like a straight man would a pair of breasts.

Gaara rocked against Killerbee urgently. "I want you, Bee. God, I want you! It scares me how I lose control around you, but I want you so bad."

Abandoning the beloved posterior, Killerbee tugged the knot out of Gaara's drawstrings and reached into the loose pants. Drawing out the half-hard prick, Killerbee brought it to full life with a few strokes. His own cock was swelling fat in his underwear, tenting the front of sweats comically as he returned to caressing the soft cheeks of Gaara's rump. One of his fingers pressed gently against Gaara's entrance. Beads of precum rolled down the crimson dick as Gaara clenched his thighs together in hopes of preventing another premature ejaculation and pushed back against the warm hand. His face was flushed as red as his hair. Killerbee continued pressuring Gaara's sphincter with that finger, another one crawling spiderlike down his asscrack until it found his perineum and began pressing that as well to externally stimulate Gaara's prostate.

"Fuck!" Gaara hissed. It was all he could think to say.

"Do you like that?"

"Oh fuck fuck fuck." Gaara clenched harder, trying to get Killerbee to cease the torturous play. With his sensitive anus and prostate being simultaneously stimulated, he could feel his orgasm coming on him. "Stop it, I'm going to cum, please stop… Oh fuck!"

His balls began drawing up tight to his body, ready to blow his load all over the completely dressed Killerbee. He really was going to cum if the situation didn't change soon. To make matter worse, Killerbee stopped pushing against his anus and started tracing circles on it lightly instead, upping the impulse to let go.

"Don't fight it, Gaara. I'll have you cumming many more times before the night is over," purred Bee.

Right Said Fred's 'Too Sexy' began to blare from Gaara's phone, a welcome distraction to give him a few seconds of respite. The urge to cum began to wane. "It's Sasuke. Probably nothing important."

"Then we'll pick up where we left off."

Abruptly the ringing stopped, then recommenced. Repeating this pattern four more times, the phone began chirping madly as it was pummeled with an onslaught of texts.

"Are you sure it's not important? Even if it isn't, at least tell him to leave us alone."

Gaara picked up his phone and read the latest text: EMERGENCY!11!1! CALL NOW!

He did as it implored.

"What do you want? I was in the middle of something."

"What the hell took you so long?"

Gaara held the phone away from his ear a couple of inches. There was no need to shout. "Again, I was in the middle of something. What's the emergency?"

"The idiot has gone and hurt himself."

He'd interrupted their playtime for that? "Take him to the hospital."

"He doesn't have health insurance."

Gaara failed to see the problem. "Claim him on yours."

"He's not related to me."

"Then pretend you're his husband."

"Hell no. We're in a liberal area, but not that liberal. Besides, doctors actually check that shit. It's insurance fraud. I'm not getting ass-raped in jail because I tried to help this moron."

"I don't have a medical license."

"I know, but even though he keeps spouting some crap about not interfering with your personal time, you're the only person I know who might be able to help."

"What's wrong with him?" The list of injuries he could handle was a rather short one.

"Well, he can't move. I guess he hurt his back. It's all swollen up. The people at the convenience store tried to get an ambulance, but he had them call me instead and I had to drag his fat ass back to our place. He's been crying for like, an hour."

"Was not! You're a lying asshole, Sasuke!"

There went his sex drive. "I'll come get you… Do you have any ice packs?"

"Yeah."

"Wrap one in a towel and put it on the swollen area. I'll pick you two up as soon as I can. All my massage stuff is at home."

"Good. Unless you're in mid-fuck, you'd better get over here in five minutes or less. I can't stand to hear him bitch much longer."

"Lies! All lies!"

"I'm on the other side of town, you ass! Put the ice on his back and I'll be over there in a minute!" Gaara hung up and stuck the phone in his pocket. "I can't win for losing, can I?"

"We can continue another time, I promise." Killerbee assured him.

"Does that promise come with interest?"

"Most definitely." Killerbee kissed Gaara to seal the deal, letting his boyfriend tuck himself back into his pants. "I'll come along. Sasuke probably can't carry him alone."

Hurrying to get their socks and shoes and keys, Killerbee barely remembered to turn off the DVD player and television. The two took the stairs a couple at a time and were at Gaara's car in no time. Killerbee wedged himself into the passenger seat of the Beetle and they were fast on their way. The exercise had gotten Gaara's adrenaline flowing and he struggled to stay under the speed limit. It was not unlike a biathlon with jogging and driving as the challenges presented. The race continued as they hoofed it up the stairs and invited themselves into the apartment without knocking. Naruto lay prostrate on the couch, a thick blue gel pack resting on his lower back. He groaned pitifully and buried his face deeper into the pillow it was resting on.

"Go away. I'll be fine." Even when he tried to not muddle up Gaara's relationship, he did anyway.

"You're not fine." Gaara lifted Naruto's shirt and checked the afflicted area. The swelling seemed minor, so it was likely only a sprain. "Come on. Can you stand?"

"Maybe."

"Try. Bee, give him a hand."

Killerbee was quick to support his favorite sparring partner. Sasuke took his friend's other side and they shuffled down the hall in an awkward threesome while Gaara kept a close eye on his patient. Killerbee eased Naruto into the front passenger seat of the yellow Volkswagen and the rest of the men piled into the tiny car. At the first intersection they hit, they got stuck at a red light. Gaara sighed, Sasuke didn't care, Killerbee admired the cleanliness of the backseat, and Naruto steadily thumped his head against the window. After half a minute he stopped because the nasty look he was sure Gaara was giving him didn't help the headache that had cropped up. He was an idiot, like Sakura had said so many times. The light went to green.

Since Naruto seemed to be managing himself fine, Sasuke let his thoughts wander. Being conveniently close by, Killerbee almost immediately became the subject of them. For the longest time he'd only considered him as 'Naruto's friend' and nothing more. They hadn't really met face to face much and thus Killerbee became something unseen to tolerate. Naturally that changed when he switched roles to 'Gaara's boyfriend'. Instead of being a mild irritant that was easily put out of mind, he was a moderate annoyance that came and went with Gaara to eat their food and watch their television. The unexplained domestic violence charges weren't helping his view of the biologist. He wondered if Gaara knew yet. Was it his duty as a friend to tell him? Or would he have for Killerbee to bring up the topic on his own—provided he ever did? A month seemed a fair amount of time. If it didn't happen by then, he and Gaara would be having a nice, long talk about the things his boyfriend wasn't telling him.

As long as he was dealing with annoyances, he might as well address that other one who routinely popped up like a bad case of herpes. Unlike Killerbee, Tenten had a clear record. He still didn't like her. She was completely insensitive to his sleeping habits, making enough noise to raise the dead when she hopped in the sack with Naruto. Regardless of coolness, she was a menace to his internal clock. If Naruto didn't stop bringing her over at night, he was seriously considering soundproofing his bedroom. Who cared if they didn't get their deposit back?

He wondered whether he genuinely disliked them or was simply jealous of his friends' relationships. A mixture of both seemed to be it. Between the two of them, Sasuke was tired of being the odd man out. He could really use a girlfriend or at the very least, a one night stand.

Sick of his bachelor woes, he asked, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. All I need is some rest. Gaara should just take us home."

"Shut up," Gaara said tetchily. "You're hurt. I'm helping you. End of story, got it?"

"Gaara—" The masseuse dared him to argue. "Fine. God, you spend too much time with Sasuke and Sakura. You used to be shy and nice and stuff. When's that Gaara coming back?"

"As soon as you stop being an idiot."

Sasuke chuckled. He had taught Gaara well. A stubborn Naruto couldn't be surrendered to like a pansy.

"Quit laughing or I'll squish your legs with my seat," Naruto grumbled, hand going to the lever.

Sasuke laughed.

Naruto tugged the lever, letting himself roll back until he heard an explosion of colorful obscenities.

"Both of you stop acting like two year olds! Naruto, fix the seat! Sasuke, stop antagonizing people!" Gaara had a feeling that this was what it was like to have children. He didn't think he'd be adopting any in the near future.

"Since when did you get balls?" Sasuke grumbled as the pain in his legs slowly subsided.

"Since you interrupted me in the middle of something I was enjoying."

"I knew we shouldn't have called you," Naruto said miserably.

"Getting some action, huh? Some of this?" Sasuke mimed sloppy French kissing. "Or maybe some of this?" He bobbed his head back and forth on an invisible dick. "Or was it more like this?" He humped the air, stretching his seatbelt to its limit.

Killerbee's hand clamped down on his head, tightening like a vise. "Focus on your injured friend. It's why we're here in the first place."

Maybe it wasn't jealousy after all. Turns out, he just didn't like Killerbee.

The rest of the ride was silent and all persons present were glad to get out of the tiny car. Gaara went into his closet and retrieved his massage table while his companions tried to squeeze through the front door while trying to keep Naruto on his feet. Unfolding the legs, he set it up on one side of the living room. Killerbee lifted Naruto onto the table as Sasuke plopped down on the couch.

"Take off your clothes." Gaara commanded.

"Um…"

"If you can't, I'll do it for you."

Sasuke gave a loud catcall from his seat. Killerbee punched him in the arm.

"What was that for?" Sasuke's arm throbbed in his socket. Was it 'wail on Sasuke day' and no one had told him?

"I owed you one." No one called his man a girl and got away with it.

Naruto surrendered himself to Gaara stripping him of his shirt, but when he went for the pants he began to struggle. "What are you doing?"

"You have to take everything off, underwear included."

"Not with you guys watching."

They all turned their backs on him as he undressed. His jeans lay bunched in a heap on the floor, his fish-print boxers atop them. "Now what?"

Gaara gave Naruto a soft white towel that he wrapped around his waist and then lowered himself into a facedown position on the table. Retrieving his massage oil, he coated his hands until they shone. Gently pressing the red spot on Naruto's back made the man hiss, so it seemed best to work into it slowly. Barely keeping their skin in contact, Gaara made light, flowing strokes across Naruto's upper back and shoulders. Skin tingling at the phantom touches, Naruto felt himself loosen up a few millimeters. The lavender oil cleared his thoughts.

Sasuke was bored. "Looks fun. Do I get one too?"

"Quiet in the peanut gallery."

"Come on, Gaara. I'll give you ten bucks."

Ten bucks made for a cheap massage. For someone who was well off, one would imagine that he wouldn't be so shrewd. "I'll consider it, but I need to focus right now."

"Does he get a happy end—ow!"

"Thank you, Bee."

"No problem."

Gaara began to apply more pressure, kneading the tanned flesh. "God you're tight. You don't stretch as much as you should."

"Nngh."

"You need to stretch before and after you work out."

Naruto grunted neutrally. He hoped this massage wouldn't turn into a fitness lecture. Gaara stroked his spine gently and Naruto gave a soft sigh of pleasure. That was more like it.

"What were you doing, anyway?"

"Ngh." Naruto hissed as Gaara began working on the sore spot. "This stupid girl at work kept trying to put a box that was too heavy for her on the top shelf and she didn't get it up there correctly and it started to fall on her. I caught it. Sort of."

Coming around for another attack, Sasuke asked, "Hey, can we watch TV?"

"Sasuke, if you're just going to annoy the hell out of me, then go home."

"Who pissed in your cornflakes?"

"Sasuke is right. You've been acting kinda bitchy lately." Was that his fault too?

"I am not," Gaara applied a firm hand to the sprain, making Naruto wince. "acting bitchy."

"Yeah, you are. You need to get laid." Naruto craned his head around Gaara to look at the biologist. He was sure Gaara would forgive him for interfering when it wasn't wanted. "Bee, what the fuck, man? You two seriously haven't done it yet?"

"That's none of your business," Gaara said stiffly. "This might hurt."

"FFFFFFFUUU—can't you be gentler about it?" Naruto bit his lip, nearly drawing blood.

"Gentle doesn't fix sprains. Once the muscle loosens up, it'll be fine. You should move around as much as possible, but you can't overexert yourself."

Naruto groaned his displeasure. Boxing would probably be out of the question, at least for a little while. "Are you sure that doctor guy isn't available, Sasuke?"

"If he was, I wouldn't tell you." Sasuke was checking his email on his phone. "I don't know why anyone would want to see him. He really gives me the creeps. I wish Dad would fire him already."

Gaara followed the trail of logic. "You've got a private physician?"

"Kinda. He mostly does research stuff for the lab he works at. Being our doctor is like a part-time thing for him."

"So you have a fully trained physician on call for you, who won't make you wait, and won't bill you aside from whatever his salary is?"

"Basically."

Gaara could feel the beginnings of a migraine pounding in his head. "So why did you call me?"

"I already said it, he's weird. He always wants you to call him by his first name and there's something sneaky about him. Plus he's got shitty bedside manner."

"Is that all?"

"He also tried to convince me that he needed to give me a prostate exam… when I was twelve. Never trusted him since."

"There might have been a medical reason—"

"What possible reason would a grown man have to stick his fingers up a kid's butt?" Sasuke shivered. "I wouldn't subject Naruto to that even if he wanted it. Stupid or not, he's still kinda my friend."

"Didn't you tell your parents?" asked Naruto.

"Would you tell yours?"

"Dude, you could've sent that guy to jail if he was seriously pervin' on you. He didn't try anything else on you, did he?"

"Kabuto pretty much kept to himself after that, which is—"

"Both of you shut up!" Gaara snapped. "If it is even remotely humanly possible for you to stop talking to each other for twenty minutes, then by all means, do so!"

Naruto shot Killerbee a look, gesturing at Gaara. He mouthed 'do him!' Killerbee shrugged, smiling mischievously. Seeing them taken down a peg or two was well worth the times that they'd monopolized his boyfriend without a second thought. They fully deserved the tongue-lashing.

By now, Naruto's pain had dulled to a faintly throbbing ache and he felt himself relaxing. His toes uncurled and his neck went slack as Gaara attended to the full expanse of his back. His joints seemed to fall into proper alignment for the first time in years. He had barely noticed that he was breathing slower. Everything was loosening up.

Well, almost everything.

He'd first noticed that something quite wasn't right when there was a minor discomfort in his lower half and he shifted a few times, figuring that it was some side effect from the massage. He went back to focusing on his breathing, eyes closed blissfully. Gaara migrated from his back to one of his calves, figuring it wouldn't hurt to be thorough in hopes of preventing possible future injuries. As his hands traveled downward, so did the warmth that had been flickering pleasantly in Naruto's belly until it settled into his loins. Cue more squirming and slight nervousness. Gaara moved to the other calf, unaware of the sudden increase of his patient's heart rate. Naruto willed it to beat slower, to stop circulating his blood so fast. Each pump only sent a fresh new spurt of blood into his penis, slowly swelling it. Already at half-mast, the organ struggled to stand at attention while its owner struggled with equal force to keep it down. Naruto tried not to curse as his prick was squished under his own body. Gaara kneaded the ball of Naruto's foot. Neck muscles straining, Naruto tried to usher himself back to softness. Whatever happened, no one must ever find out that he was getting turned on by a massage.

Gaara abandoned the foot for a brief moment, leaning close to Naruto's ear. "It's not uncommon for men to get… aroused during massages."

Mission failed.

"Do you want to stop?"

Naruto tried to play it cool. "Nah, it'll probably go away on its own in a second."

Accepting this as his will, Gaara returned to the feet he'd been working on. Naruto didn't think he'd have to worry about Gaara telling. Unfortunately, the problem wasn't going away. In fact, it was getting worse. Gaara had done one move, stroking from his ankle up to his lower thigh in one feathery swoop and then back down the same way, and Naruto thought that he was about to have an aneurysm because his testicles had began to tighten. 'Alright troops,' he thought. 'This is not the time for hanky panky. Balls, go back to loose and low, got it? As for you, dick, I only have one thing to say: stand down. We cannot, I repeat, cannot bust a nut on a massage table in my friend's living room. We will never hear the end of it. This is a direct order. You must obey.'

Gaara did the move again. His prick defiantly spat a burst of creamy precum. His sex organs made crappy soldiers. Naruto's jaw was clamped tight. Sasuke was going to have something to put on his Facebook page tonight if the situation didn't change fast.

A phone vibrated. Sasuke looked at his pocket before remembering that he'd grabbed Naruto's phone before they left the apartment. He answered, expecting Tenten or Naruto's boss. He listened to what they had to say.

"Hey Naruto—"

Naruto had begun to shake with the attempt to suppress the oncoming orgasm. He was teetering on the edge of the cliff already and he was about to fall off. Gaara returned to his back.

"—do you know—"

Unnoticed, a key slid into the lock of Gaara's front door. It opened smoothly.

"—what's your name again?"

So close so close so closecloseclose…

"—do you know someone named—"

The intruder stepped inside.

"Are you okay, Naruto?"

Naruto's body tensed, preparing to shame itself in front of his closest friends.

"—someone named—"

Gaara's hands lifted from his body, green eyes so much like Sakura's peering down at him curiously.

"—Haku?"

"Who the fuck are you people?"

Sasuke and Killerbee, who had full view of the front door from where they sat, looked up. Both found themselves paralyzed with fear. A man in a full-length black coat stared at them from under his dark hood. In one blood soaked hand was a corkscrew with something that looked red and meaty still dangling from its tip. In the other, a revolver. The stranger raised the gun, training it squarely at Sasuke's head. His finger began to tighten on the trigger.

"Answer me!"

There was no noise, except the agonized screams of Haku.

0o0

So, to make up for the lack of things happening in the side stories, everything is now happening all at once. Enjoy the cliffie, guys. XD

For those who are interested, Killerbee speaks fluent Persian, conversational Arabic, and has dabbled in learning Hindi.

Until next time…

~YamiTenshi~