Altering Affection

Gai shook his head as though clearing away a bad dream.

“Lee,” Gai said, his voice stern and face disapproving. “I don’t know who gave you alcohol or what’s gotten into you, but this is far from…proper. You need to stand up and un-“

Lee cut Gai off mid-command by placing his hand over Gai’s mouth. His brain threatened to fry as he struggled to follow through with Kakashi’s advice on this particular part.

Acting, Lee…think of it as acting.

“Gai,” Lee said, his voice as harsh and commanding as he could manage.

“Shut up.”

Leaning so close that their noses nearly touched, Lee looked directly into Gai’s startled eyes as he spoke.

“Gai, right now you’re tied to a support pole, and I’m still free to do as I please. That makes me in charge, and that means you’re going to listen to me.” Lee applied more pressure over Gai’s mouth.

“Do you understand?” Lee asked.

This was it…Gai was either going to agree or he was going to yell at Lee to get the hell of off him, make Lee untie him, and then beat Lee into senseless submission with dumbbells. And Lee couldn’t really argue the logic of the latter.

So Lee waited with his heart thudding in his chest.

Gai blinked once and then moved against Lee’s hand as he nodded. Lee nearly fell over in relief.

“I’m going to take my hand away and you’re not going to talk unless I ask you a direct question.”

Again, Gai nodded. Lee tried his best to keep his hand from shaking as he pulled it away from Gai’s mouth. Lee’s heart slowed down a bit when he saw that Gai didn’t look angry, exactly. More confused…perhaps a little hurt. And something else that Lee couldn’t identify.

The next part would be really tricky as it would show Lee’s inexperience. Well, Lee quickly corrected himself, to be fair, this entire plan showed Lee’s inexperience. It’s not like he’d ever tied a man up before, after all. But he’d never tried to seduce anyone, either, and knots were a piece of cake in comparison.

Focus, Lee.

Doing his best to set aside his desire to throw his arms around Gai’s neck and beg forgiveness, Lee shifted so that his hands touched Gai’s face again. Lee stalled for time and allowed himself to build up courage by tracing his fingers over Gai’s cheekbones, his eyebrows, down over his jaw. Gai just watched; his eyes dazed, mouth slack.

Lee worked his hands down to Gai’s shoulders and then behind Gai’s neck. He let his fingers dig into the muscles there, and Gai’s eyelids fluttered as Lee found a tender spot. Lee dug deeper into the tissue of Gai’s neck and shoulders, and Gai’s head tilted forward, his upper body relaxing by inches. Forgetting himself, Lee leaned down and ran his lips over Gai’s hair, breathing in the smell of his shampoo. Then he straightened and drew a shaky breath.

“So…” Lee said. “You didn’t like the flowers.”

Gai froze. Lee’s hands kept kneading even as the muscles beneath the pads of his fingers turned into steel.

“Or the tree or the balloons.”

Gai’s breath hitched, and Lee saw the muscles of his jaw working.

“The stuffed bear was a waste of money.”

Gai turned his face down and away, and Lee’s heart clenched for a second before he remembered exactly how much that damned bear cost.

“I spent days finding that book on Ebay, you know. At least that one made it onto an actual shelf.”

Lee channeled anger and Kakashi and wove his fingers into Gai’s hair, gently. Gai shook his head as if trying to dislodge them.

“And then I gave you chocolate…”

Lee sucked in a quick breath and twisted his hand, yanking Gai’s head back. Shock etched itself into Gai’s features, and he winced as Lee tugged sharply on his scalp.

“And you actually gave the candy back to me. Do you have any idea how…awful that was?” Lee asked. And he found that he did want Gai to answer that one.

“Do you?” Lee asked again, pain in his voice.

Gai licked his lips and his arms flexed hard against the ropes. They held.

“Some,” Gai finally answered.

“So you knew the gifts were from me?” Lee asked and he made no effort to keep the disbelief and hurt out of his voice. He did, however, tighten his grip on Gai’s hair, and the older man closed his eyes.

“I didn’t at first,” Gai confessed. “But I knew when you gave me the book.”

A surprising amount of anger welled up inside of Lee. It shocked him, and he released Gai’s hair. Gai’s head fell forward for a moment and then he looked up at Lee.

“I’m sorry if I…hurt you, Lee,” Gai said, his voice hollow. “But it’s for the best. And now you have to untie me, Lee.” The man bucked hard against the rope, and Lee grabbed the support pole for balance. Gai did it again, the ropes straining, and Lee stood up and stepped away.

Lee watched as Gai struggled, his sensei’s expression determined. The knots held and Gai only managed to tighten the ropes holding down his arms. The bound man made a very frustrated noise.

“Lee, untie me.”

Still angry, and now for multiple reasons, Lee turned and quickly walked over to a storage cabinet. He shut down the part of his brain that babbled in disbelief as Lee hunted for something specific. Doubt wouldn’t do him any good right now.

“Lee,” Gai warned.

Lee threw aside what he didn’t need and turned back to where Gai sat. Gai couldn’t quite turn his head around to see what Lee held in his hand, and Lee used that to his advantage. It occurred to him with absolute certainty that if the rest of this plan didn’t go well, Gai might very well never speak to him again. His heart ached at that thought, and then he pushed it aside in lieu of Kakashi’s advice.

If he doesn’t cooperate, make him.

Moving to stand directly behind Gai, Lee threaded the cloth belt through his hands. Then he swiftly reached an arm over Gai’s face which worked nicely to make him stay still and block his eyesight for a second or two. That was all Lee needed to grasp the belt and quickly yank it back and over Gai’s mouth.

Reflexively, Gai gasped, and Lee pulled the makeshift gag between Gai’s lips. He had just enough time to get the belt into one hand before Gai thrashed again. Lee held on to the fabric easily enough, moving with Gai as he struggled. He didn’t have much room to flail, the ropes around his arms restricting how much Gai’s torso could move. Lee used that to his advantage and shoved Gai forward, putting strain on his arms. Gai grunted and stopped moving long enough for Lee to twist the belt snug.

Then Gai shook his head and snarled, and Lee nearly lost the belt. Thinking fast, Lee yanked on the fabric with one hand and wrapped his torso around Gai’s head, pulling him into Lee’s chest. He braced Gai against the crook of an elbow and squeezed when Gai tried to move again. It was awkward, but it worked. Lee pulled one end of the belt under the other and then managed to get it tied off behind Gai’s head.

Lee stepped away, panting with tension and effort. Then he stopped breathing and nearly crumbled as Gai glared at him with boiling anger.

Kakashi…if this hurts Gai in some long-term way, I will kill you, Lee thought. Then he straightened.

“I asked you…” Lee began, but his voice sounded much more placating than authoritative. “I told you,” Lee tried again. “Not to speak unless I asked you a question.”

Gai looked at Lee for a long moment, his chest heaving and rage in his gaze. Then the violent emotion faded a bit and something like comprehension dawned on his face. Then Gai swallowed hard and lurched violently to the left. The rope didn’t give – the loops and knots simply wouldn’t let it – but the skin on Gai’s arm wouldn’t take much of that kind of abrasive abuse.

“Gai-“ Lee started, but watched in horror as Gai repeated the move but to the right. The movement was fierce, violent, and desperate. Skin went red and raw, and the chair tilted a little. Lee panicked.

“Gai, stop it,” Lee cried as he swiftly moved and sat back down on Gai’s lap. Gai bucked upward this time, trying to dislodge Lee, but Lee wrapped his legs around the chair and gripped the beam behind Gai. The position forced Gai’s head back, Lee’s shoulder under his chin. Gai panted around the belt, his eyes closed and expression strangely calm.

“Please,” Lee said, softly, pleading. “Just stop and listen.”

For a moment, they just breathed in the utter silence of the dojo.

Then Lee took a chance and released the support beam with one hand and moved it to brace a palm against Gai’s shoulder. When Gai stayed still, he angled his head and gently kissed Gai’s neck, right over the throbbing pulse point. The grand speech Lee planned was shot to hell…mostly by nerves and Gai’s rather violent reaction to Lee’s words and efforts to silence his sensei. So Lee improvised.

Loving the taste of Gai even as his nerves jangled in anticipation of his sensei’s next thrashing fit, Lee placed open-mouthed kisses on Gai’s neck and shoulder. He gently suckled the skin at the juncture of neck and collarbone, and when Gai didn’t move or make a sound, Lee released the support beam entirely and ran one hand through Gai’s hair.

“Gai,” Lee whispered. “I need to tell you something.” Heady desire burned through Lee as Gai willingly tilted his head to the side, ever-so-slightly. Lee took it as an invitation and nibbled his way up the column of Gai’s throat. He could feel Gai’s chest rise and fall, hear his breath around the belt, but he didn’t dare look at Gai’s face…not yet. The confession was on his tongue but his nerves dominated everything else.

“The day you gave me the chocolate-“ Lee broke off as Gai tensed. He moved his hand from Gai’s hair to his shoulder and dug his fingers into the hard flesh there. He kneaded the skin and moved so his lips kissed behind Gai’s ear. Gai shuddered and Lee did it again, feeling his sensei relax by millimeters.

“That day, I was almost rude to you. I was upset about the gifts, and I just needed…some space. And so I went to take a shower.” Lee stopped again, not sure how to continue. He passed time by peppering more kisses over Gai’s skin: over his neck and the side of his jaw.

“I heard something while I was…bathing,” Lee said carefully. “And so I got dressed and went to look. I didn’t see anyone, but as I was leaving the dojo, I saw the door to your house standing open.”

Lee licked his lips and moved so that he spoke directly into Gai’s ear, his voice barely audible. “And I saw you.”

Gai blew a harsh puff of air out around the gag and made a soft noise. Lee’s hands roamed, smoothing over skin like one would soothe a wild horse.

“And…I didn’t leave. I stood in your doorway and watched you…Gai…Sensei…I watched you, and I jerked off while I did it.”

Lee felt Gai’s sex twitch beneath him, and Gai made a keening noise and pulled away from Lee, turning away as much as he could. For a second Lee panicked, thinking that Gai was angry, but he felt the cock under his leg pulse to life. Despite the physical reaction, however, something about Gai’s posture reminded Lee of a wounded animal. Something beaten.

Lee realized then with sudden and rare clarity that Gai hated himself – really and truly – for being turned on by the idea of his student playing the part of a voyeur. He hated the rope, his position and the desire to be there. Gai resented Lee’s willing affection in some ways, because, Lee realized, it made Gai’s own affection harder to restrain. Gai hated that he wanted and loved Lee.

Kakashi was absolutely right…but Lee thought that maybe even Kakashi couldn’t guess the depth of this loathing.

Lee couldn’t have that.

“Don’t hate me, Gai, please…don’t be angry.” Lee begged, not caring in the least that he was supposed to be the one in charge. He’d beg if it worked. He would do anything to show Gai that Lee wanted him as much as he hoped Gai wanted Lee. He was a willing participant in this plan – not some poor idiot dragged into a situation that he didn’t understand.

Lee gently wrapped an arm under Gai’s head and pulled him upright. Gai didn’t fight Lee, which was a positive. Lee put his lips to Gai’s forehead and dragged his mouth down the side of his sensei’s face until his lips were level with the other ear.

“I was just finishing what I started in the shower. Thinking about you, wanting you. I imagined you were there with me, touching me. Telling me how hard I m-made you.” Lee stammered but recovered by slowly shifting a bit and sliding one hand down until it rested on Gai’s thigh. Lee’s pulse hammering a hard rhythm, he carefully moved his hand until it rested gently over Gai’s erection.

Then Lee sat back, finally, and looked at Gai. Hazy, dazed eyes met Lee’s.

“Did you…did you see me in the shower?” Lee asked softly.

Gai blinked slowly and then nodded just as slowly.

“Oooh,” Lee moaned, no more than a toned breath. Gai’s eyes widened and he swallowed. Lee gently stroked Gai through his pants with the flat of his palm. Gai’s body was taut with strain, and he breathed harshly around his gag.

“I need to tell you something else,” Lee said. This was it…make or break.

“Gai, I know about Anko.”

Gai’s eyes focused on Lee, and his eyebrows pulled down into a frown.

“Kakashi told me,” Lee said. “Don’t be angry with him; he was trying to comfort me after you got my flowers.” It was more-or-less true.

Lee licked his lips and placed both of his hands on Gai’s chest.

“Gai, I know you think that you shouldn’t…feel the way you do about me.” Courage, Lee, dammit, courage.

“That you shouldn’t love me,” Lee amended. “But I think you’re wrong.”

Lee looked pleadingly into Gai’s eyes and put everything he could into his words. “I love you, Gai. I have loved you for a long time, and I do not think I will ever love anyone else. Even if you do not love me back. Even if you feel that you cannot. Even if you…” Lee broke off, fear and desire and power creating a heady cocktail that made Lee dizzy.

“Even if you do not speak to me after tonight. I had to try something drastic, Gai. Nothing else I did worked. And I know you like this.” Lee pulled gently on one of the ropes holding down Gai’s arms. Gai looked sharply at Lee.

“And I am sure you know my source of information, but please do not be mad at him or me. Please,” Lee begged. “Because I…love that you like it, Gai. I love you, and I want all of you. I dream about you…wanting me. In all sorts of ways. And doing all sorts of things.”

Lee knew he was babbling, but he couldn’t look away from Gai’s stare, which was so intense it threatened to burn Lee’s eyes. They sat that way for a moment, Lee unsure of what to say next. Then Gai jerked his chin up at Lee and pushed the gag with his tongue. Lee hurriedly reached around Gai’s head and untied the belt, throwing it to the side.

“Lee,” Gai said, his voice harsh with feeling. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I do, too!” Lee nearly yelled. “I know exactly what I’m saying and exactly what I mean.” Lee frowned fiercely at Gai. “I just tied you to a pole and wrestled a gag into your mouth, Gai. I know what I’m saying.”

Lee paused.

“And I know what I want.”

“And you want…” Gai started.

“You. Just you.” Lee leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. “And I know you want me, too.”

“Lee…”

“Please, Gai…please…stop fighting yourself and being stubborn. It is…killing me.”

Lee leaned back and now their noses touched. Lee’s eyes were mostly closed. His brain was lost in a fog of quiet desperation. He really felt that if Gai didn’t say he wanted Lee, then Lee would just…end. Not die, not harm himself…simply wink out of existence. His nerves were raw with too much emotion, his chest ached, and he wanted nothing more than to hear his beloved Gai admit the truth and kiss him. Kiss him and hold him and touch him everywhere. He wanted – needed – with such intensity that he thought it would eat him alive.

“Gai, tell me you love me or tell me to leave,” Lee said, and it nearly broke him into pieces to say the words.

“Lee…” Gai said, his voice incredibly gentle. “You’ve no idea…”

“Then tell me.”

“Look at me,” Gai whispered.

Lee obeyed and felt like he was looking at Gai for the first time. His eyes shone with such emotion that Lee quaked and shivered.

“Lee, I’ve loved you since I met you,” Gai said simply.

“Do you love me now?” Lee asked.

“I do, Lee…of course I do.”

“Do you…want me?”

Gai’s eyes clouded with need and he shifted his hips unconsciously. “I want you.”

“Then stop fighting me and start loving me,” Lee said. Then he leaned forward and brushed Gai’s lips with his own. He backed off and panted, his breath falling on Gai’s open mouth. He kissed Gai’s bottom lip, gently. Then he kissed the top one, then the corner of Gai’s mouth.

“Untie me, Lee, please…” Gai whispered.

Lee pulled back and looked at Gai, suspicious. Gai chuckled, his lips moving into a half-smile of amusement.

“Trust me,” he said and his eyes danced with hunger. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Lee nodded and then extricated himself from Gai, nearly losing his balance as he did so. He felt disconnected from his limbs and in danger of melting. His thoughts simmered on the way Gai’s lips felt, the way his hardness felt beneath his palm, the taste of his skin…Lee shivered and his breath hitched in lust and love and complicated feelings Lee didn’t – couldn’t – sort through.

Instead, he focused on taking the scissors to the rope and not cutting himself or Gai.

And unbidden his mind rushed ahead to what, exactly, would happen once Gai was free.

~*~