Ecchi no shachou

 

YO! Glad you’re still there! But…. SERIOUSLY PPL!.... regular updates? ME?! Every second blue moon at best! Take it or leave it.

 

Prism0467 and Nejislady thank you very much for taking time to leave a review!

 

NO! THERE IS NO Ita x Sasu inclinations! It’s just Deidara being a jealous asshole.

 

 

 

 

PART ELEVEN: Of cops and perverts…    

 

Chapter dedicated to Noriaki Sugiyama

(For no real reason though. It’s not like he’s a cop or a pervert…. At least as far as I know…)

 

Iruka ignored the passing taxi. He was in a mood for a walk! He lazily strolled in a general direction of the Tochomae station. Gods, it was too close for his liking. He really wanted to take long walk to think, but whatever. He stood on the platform with his eyes glued to the thick yellow line on the ground. He felt sick. If he was to throw up should he better aim at the line or not? It (probably) would be easier to remove the mess from the line, he thought. Then again, he could try to throw up directly down there…  Surely no one had to clean up the rails… right? And what was with this yellow line anyway. What was it? A sticker or something?  

There was no point in pretending that all the shit didn’t happen. It did. It always did every time Iruka drink too much… No point in crying over the spilt drink… milk…. Or what–fucking–ever… He just did it again! He always did something… let’s just say not very wise (yea?) after he drank too much and then… there are always consequences. BUT! If only the consequences were always like that… I mean a blow-job from the one and only sex god Hatake then… Iruka should be all for it! That was totally the best of his ‘alcohol induced stupid things I’ve done’! It was maybe even the best thing that had EVER happened to him in his entire life!

Iruka smiled stupidly and stepped into the car that had just arrived.   There was nothing to be worried about! He got drunk with his boss and the other man had given him a head. So what? The guy was gorgeous and totally perfect. And Iruka at least was gay! His reasons to be worried over this morning’s events were nothing comparing to what Kakashi was probably dealing with! He was straight and he probably felt awful! Iruka was sure that Kakashi would never even mention about it EVER again! He would be too ashamed of what he had done to Iruka! He surely was mortified at the moment!  

Poor Kakashi…! (Compassion filled Iruka’s heart to the brim.)  

Maybe it was his first ‘thing’ with a guy ever! Maybe Iruka shouldn’t leave him alone right now after all? No, it was for the best. Kakashi needed some time alone to get his things ‘straight’ again. Maybe he wouldn’t even want to see Iruka after all this…? Actually that would be horrible! Iruka didn’t want their (albeit a bit twisted but still good) relationship to be ruined… or even spoiled… by something as trivial as sex… It wasn’t even sex, for fuck’s sake! It was just… a very pleasant morning…  

Iruka was lost in his boiling thoughts. He had no idea that his shirt was still partially unbuttoned, his hair loose and his confused and sleepy expression the cutest! He was lost in his thoughts about Kakashi. Until…     

 

*b*l*a*p*e*n*i*s*i*s*a*f*u*n*n*y*w*o*r*d*b*l*a*b*l*a*b*l*a*    

 

Naruto was sitting on the sofa in Uchiha’s living room with a bowl of (no, not ramen) of cereal watching TV clad in nothing but Sasuke’s black boxers. He looked good. Sasuke wanted to wrap his arms around the tanned muscular shoulders, bury his face in the golden locks and rip off the offending black fabric that was covering his new favorite thing. But he only sighed and plopped down beside the blond. The dobe didn’t even spare him a glance. He was totally engrossed in some stupid anime. Un-fucking-believable! He had gotten his hands on the blond just a few hours ago and he was already less important than some ugly cartoon…   Sasuke frowned. He wouldn’t push … yet. He will at least try to understand first.

“What are you watching, dobe?”

put his bare feet on Naruto’s thighs and teased the taut muscles with his toes. Naruto put down the empty bowl on the coffee table and started a massage receiving an appreciative purr as a reward.  

“ANIME! Why? Did it catch your attention?” Naruto sounded very hopeful but Sasuke just rolled his eyes. “Not really. I was just wondering what’s gotten you so… focused. How can you watch this shit?”  

(AN: Should I put an additional disclaimer for this part?)  

smiled brightly but still didn’t avert his eyes from the screen.

“OK teme, can you see the guy wearing glasses? He reminds me of YOU!” Sasuke released a hammy gasp.

“Should I feel offended?” Naruto laughed nervously.

“No, not really. Seriously teme! This guy sounds so totally like you! Listen to his voice! … See? Exactly like yours! And he looks a lot like you too! You have the same pale skin, pretty face and black hair… with long bangs in the front and shorter in the back… It’s practically you wearing glasses.”

didn’t dare to point the obvious difference of Sasuke’s hair looking a bit like a duck butt.   “Don’t piss me off! He doesn’t sound or look like me at all!”

Naruto playfully tickled one pale foot. Sasuke tried to remove it from Naruto’s grasp but then the idiot lifted it up to his mouth and actually kissed! Sasuke blushed and Naruto purred: “Yes he does! And he’s as stiff as you are!” Sasuke scoffed.

“Really? And the orange haired idiot quarreling with a toddler is just as loud and retarded as YOU are! But his voice is sexier than yours!”

Sasuke didn’t expect that his own joke would hit him like a boomerang. Naruto had a gal to actually think for a moment and then nod in confirmation.

“Yea, he is… and his voice really is damn sexy…” Now, normally Sasuke would refuse to be jealous over a cartoon but it was stronger than reason… I mean, what the fuck?! Naruto had just said that some other guy’s voice is sexy! Sasuke was pissed and needed vent his anger on something he disliked.  

“And who is that?! Looks like the pink haired wench from your cell phone!” …ok, maybe that was too much.

“…a who? What? Who are you calling a wench?” Sasuke knew that he had just said way too much and needed to divert his blond’s attention. He crawled onto his lap purposefully rubbing Naruto’s genitals with his ass as much as he could while still pretending it was accidental. Naruto stifled a moan.

“So, who is she?” Naruto nuzzled Sasuke’s ear for a moment before turning back to the TV screen to answer his lover’s question. “THIS…” he pointed at the white clad character on the screen “… is not a girl! You’re gay! You should know a guy when you see one! Can’t you see that it’s a male?! He’s got no boobs for fuck’s sake!”  

‘Ha! Just like the bitch from your cell phone…!!! But this guy IS prettier I guess…’ thought Sasuke, but he didn’t dare to say it out loud. He smiled seductively instead.

“Oh I can see one… And I can tell he’s a guy without checking his chest if what’s poking my butt is what I think it is.” To emphasize his statement Sasuke wiggled his butt mercilessly rubbing Naruto’s already uncomfortably erected dick once again.

"Sasuke!” Naruto gasped. Sasuke looked at him oh so innocently. “What? I thought it was just a remote.”

“Good morning Little Brother!... Naruto…”

Sasuke groaned with disappointment. His stupid bastard of a brother always had to spoil EVERYTHING! Now he would probably start to antagonize poor Naruto…   And then… SAVED BY THE BELL! Naruto’s cell phone rang again. It was lying on the bar between the kitchen and the living room. Sasuke tensed. He was 99 percent sure that it was this pink haired bitch again. He jumped off of Naruto and pushed the blond back down onto the sofa as he tried to follow him.

“Stay here.” - whispered Sasuke to Naruto’s ear.

“I think Itachi had seen enough already.” To make sure that Naruto understood Sasuke took a pillow from an arm chair and threw it on his crotch to cover the tempting bulge. Then he ran to pick up Naruto’s phone. It wasn’t Sakura but seeing who it was he decided to answer anyway.  

“Yo, Iruka! What’s up?!” If Iruka was surprised to hear Sasuke instead of Naruto he surely didn’t show it.

"Sasuke! I’ve been arrested. Tell Naruto to pick me up from Shinjuku police station.”

“Fuck! What did you do?” Sasuke was impressed. He knew that Iruka wasn’t a saint but he would never expect the man to end up in jail! “Nothing really, just murdered someone. Tell Naruto to take 50 000 yen to bail me out.”

“Ok, we’ll be there in a minute.”   Naruto was just looking and listening trying desperately to understand what was going on.

"Naruto, Iruka’s at the police station. I don’t know what he did but we need to pick him up. Do you think I should call Kakashi?” Naruto’s eyes winded. “WHAT?! Iruka has been arrested? For what?”

“I have no idea! Let’s find out!”  

watched as the boys went upstairs to put on some clothes before leaving the house. They were both still mostly naked. Itachi was glad that they had left the living room so soon because if they didn’t he would probably say something wrong and Sasuke would get angry… again… just like the last time in Sasuke’s room… Why was his little brother like that? Itachi was only trying to protect him! He didn’t mean anything wrong.  

Of course he could see how happy Sasuke was around the blond mechanic and that’s why he was really glad that they had left before he had a chance to strangle Naruto for screwing his precious little brother the whole night through! He was also kind of glad that he got smashed. He hardly ever did that so the hang-over was killing him but it was still better than hearing his ototou’s orgasmic screams and pleas for more. He was really lucky that he had managed to sleep through the major part of all that and now he only hoped that he wouldn’t have to do that every night… Maybe Sasuke would be willing to spend at least every other night at Naruto’s place? No, Naruto lived with Iruka… Then again, Iruka should spend his nights with Kakashi, right? Aren’t they a couple or something? Itachi vaguely remembered Kakashi blabbering about how they are buying a house together so…  

He took a bottle of aspirin out from a cupboard. For now Itachi decided to move his stuff to the bedroom which is the farthest from Sasuke’s. That’s a plan. He swallowed a few pills and washed them down with an ice-cold beer. There’s nothing like hair of the dog that bit you… When he finished the bottle he immediately felt better. His head wasn’t throbbing anymore and even his mood seemed better. He was actually able to think again so he started to wonder why Iruka was in a jail. He had left with Kakashi last night, right? So maybe Kakashi had been arrested too… Or maybe that madman Hatake was messing with Iruka’s temper again and the unpredictable brunette had killed him already… And where was Deidara? Itachi didn’t see him leave the party. He actually never saw him again after their dance… This was one crazy night… with love sick Sasuke, Naruto doing strip-tease, Iruka singing gay songs and him dancing with Dei… Dei’s hair smelled nice and his skin was so soft and warm – just as Itachi thought it would be. He would never approach his friend if he was sober but he would be a liar if he said that he didn’t want to. He did. He always a piece of the blond’s ass but Dara was so… He was just different than others. He didn’t take shit from anybody. He was in a different league… and he was the only one there so far. He was kind of beyond reach. Even if Itachi had asked him out Deidara would probably laugh and tell him to fuck off. But yesterday Itachi sneaked his way to the feisty blond and stole a few touches. He was a sneaky weasel after all, YEA! – as the blond would say. Itachi was very fond of the idiot’s antics…  

Big dreamy smile spread over the older Uchiha’s face. Oh those touches… It wasn’t anything big or particularly intimate and Deidara probably didn’t even notice any of it at all but for Itachi it was a huge success! He smiled even further thinking of how angry the blond would be if he knew that he was dancing in Itachi’s arms. He would explode!    

 

*b*l*a*p*e*n*i*s*i*s*a*f*u*n*n*y*w*o*r*d*b*l*a*b*l*a*b*l*a*

 

    „What is it with Tokyo and perverts in the subway?! Shouldn’t they at least molest GIRLS?! I don’t look like a girl now, do I?! DO I!!”

was rumbling on and on to the young cop who was just listening totally mesmerized when Kakashi had entered the room with Naruto and Sasuke in tow.  

“And what the fuck is HE doing here?!” Iruka was pissed. Kakashi just smiled brightly and scratched his messy hair.

“Who? Sasuke? I have no idea. I think he came with Naruto.”

“Not Sasuke. YOU! What are YOU doing here?!”

“Itachi called me…”

“ITACHI?!”   Iruka looked amazing! His hair was tousled, shirt partially undone, tie loose and was it a stubble forming on his chin? Ghyaaa… too sexy for his own good. Then Kakashi noticed his bandaged hand.

“Ruka, what happened? Have you been in a fight? Are you alright?”   At first Kakashi ignored the cop standing very close to Iruka in favor of looking at his assistant but now the guy dared to talk while not even being addressed.

“A fight? It wasn’t a fight. He knocked the guy out with one hit and crushed his jaw! Umino-san can lay quite a punch!”  

Naruto and Sasuke high-fived, Iruka rolled his eyes and Kakashi glared at the man that had spoken instead of his beloved dolphin. Was this guy trying to hit on Ruka? How dare he even stand beside him while Kakashi was around?

  “Kakashi, why are you here?” Iruka sounded a little bit impatient. Kakashi stepped closer to Iruka and put his hands on the shorter man’s shoulders.

“Isn’t it obvious? I came to pay the bail and send my lawyers to claim the justice!”

“I called Naruto!” Kakashi frowned. “Yes, I’ve heard. Why didn’t you call me first?”

“FIRST?! Mind you, I didn’t call you SECOND either. I didn’t call to you AT ALL because I didn’t want you here!!! You are my boss! I should hide this kind of stuff from you, don’t you think?!”

“No. I think you shouldn’t even think about hiding ANYTHING from ME! Like the fact that you shave your pubic hair. You should have told me! Now tell me what happened to your hand.”

It was Kakashi’s turn to lose patience. His beautiful dolphin had been in some kind of a danger and he wanted to know exactly what happened, right now! He took Iruka’s shocked face in his hands and stepped even closer when he felt a truncheon slide between their bodies. Kakashi just couldn’t fucking believe it. He glared first at the truncheon and then at the suicidal jerk that was pushing with the thing at his chest.

  “Hands off and step away from him!!!”

The kid tried to sound intimidating while he obviously was pissing in his pants. It was kind of funny but unfortunately Kakashi was in no mood for a joke like him. He was already pissed. He took a deep breath to calm down.

“Put this baton away or I’ll stick it up your ass.” Every jaw dropped, even Sasuke’s. They all thought about saying something like that to the cop (or any other cop for that matter) but none of them actually had a nerve to really say it out loud.  

As for the cop… well, he was young. He was just learning the rules of life and stuff. Later he would know that this particular moment was his last chance to get off this situation lightly. Later he would know when someone’s threats were just empty words and when they were an actual warning. Later, some day he would know better but at the time he still didn’t so… he pushed the stick harder into Kakashi’s chest.  

 

  *b*l*a*p*e*n*i*s*i*s*a*f*u*n*n*y*w*o*r*d*b*l*a*b*l*a*b*l*a*  

 

  Three hours later they were still very much NOT in Nikkō. The best lawyers in town were fixing the last holes in the whole case of Kakashi’s “self defense”. Then the bails were paid and they could finally leave the sordid police station.

  Iruka was much quieter by then. He didn’t protest when Kakashi grabbed his hand and led him to his car. He just sat there and let the man to take him home. However he just couldn’t stay quiet when he realized that Kakashi was following him to his apartment, cheerfully skipping with his hands in his pockets, like he had no care in the world, like he hadn’t just spent three hours at the Police Station being arrested for hitting a cop! Iruka was truly disgusted with his boss’ good mood. This man was a devil. He didn’t even have a hang-over.

  „What are you so happy about, Kakashi-san? And why are you following me?”

  Kakashi thought for a moment and immediately decided to ignore the second question.

“Why wouldn’t I be happy? I had quite cool Friday night, truly WONDERFUL morning and now I’m going to have an amazing weekend with YOU in Nikkō! I feel like a bubble full of happiness, ready to explode!”  

And that’s exactly how he looked. Iruka fixed him with a glare. He felt completely opposite. His head hurt, he was tired and felt sick even though he could also tell that he was extremely hungry at the same time (disturbing feeling to say the least…). He was dirty and needed a coffee. He wanted to have a shower and go to bed, not spending the next few hours in a crowded train to go on a business trip while it was still weekend! He wanted to scream all this stuff right into Kakashi’s face but honestly he was too tired and all he could muster was this halfhearted glare. He didn’t even notice that the other man did not try to avoid the subject of their morning activity. He sighed and opened the door to his and Naruto’s apartment.

  Kakashi expected it to be in a perfect order considering what of an anal person Iruka seemed to be but it wasn’t. It was pretty small and messy yet clean. Kakashi wanted to laugh at himself for thinking that Iruka would take care of his home like some girl. The whole place screamed: boys’ zone. There was a lot of Naruto. There were a lot of pictures of him with his friends and him alone and just two or three of him with Iruka. Apparently Iruka was the one always holding a camera. Kakashi smiled studying carefully every single photograph. He didn’t even notice when Iruka told him to ‘make himself at home’ and disappeared into the bathroom.

  One part of the hallway wall was covered with children’s drawings and Kakashi smiled again thinking of Iruka as a teacher. He almost laughed at the vision of Iruka trying to hold his wild temper in front of twelve years old brats. The main room had shelves full of books and then there were all those car stuff – a lot of that! There were pictures of cars, D1 calendar from two years back showing a picture of Nissan Skyline and whole mountains of magazines about cars scattered everywhere. There were bike helmets, gloves and even some small parts of bikes or cars. Kakashi couldn’t get enough of this place. He wanted to plop down and have a nap on the comfortably looking couch. It looked soft and cosy. There was a leather jacket draped over the backrest. Kakashi recognized it as Iruka’s jacket from the day they had met for the very first time. Funny thing. Kakashi had almost forgotten about the fact that Iruka liked bikes. He wondered where was Iruka’s bike, the one he had crashed with his car. Was it even still working? He desperately tried to push aside all thoughts of Iruka being in an accident with a car, and HIS car on top of that…

  He moved to the kitchen. The fridge was covered with a huge mess of pictures, notes, magnets, phone numbers and Birthday cards. There was even a 1000 yen banknote secured by a magnet in the shape of a… fox?... placed directly between those two Manchurian cranes. Kakashi admired the rest of the magnets collection for a minute and noticed at least five different kind of dolphin shaped. He was seriously tempted to steal at least one.  

He wondered what Iruka’s bed room looked like. Was it as cosy as the rest of the house? What does it smell like? It was really weird. He felt so stupidly happy just being here, in Iruka’s home. He felt like he was a part of Iruka’s life… so comfortable so… perfectly complete!

 

  *b*l*a*p*e*n*i*s*i*s*a*f*u*n*n*y*w*o*r*d*b*l*a*b*l*a*b*l*a*  

 

Deidara hated himself. He hated the way he acted at the party. He hated the fact that he had let this bastard to dance with him and he totally loathed of how much he actually enjoyed Itachi’s closeness. Oh yea… and he hated Itachi the most. He hated that the man was such an arrogant and self centered bastard. He hated the way he always made him feel stupid and inferior. Itachi treated Deidara like some kind of a moron who would blow himself up if the asshole doesn’t watch his every move. High and mighty Itachi Uchiha was always right! He was the best at everything, yea, and always get his way with everything. He was so fucking handsome that he could have anyone he wanted (with maybe one holy exception of his bitchy little bro)! This bastard thought really fucking high of himself and Deidara hated that it was all true.

  They were always fighting and Deidara would rather die that admit that he might ever be attracted to the bastard, yea. But there was no denying this now. He practically melted under Itachi’s touch the night before and that was just another thing he hated. It was stupid! He should have enjoyed the miserable sight of Itachi hurting from his brother’s behavior but he didn’t. He actually felt sorry for this goddamn fucker! Incredulous!

  He hated Sasuke for the way Itachi acted toward him and he always liked those rare moments when Sasuke was a disappointment for his older brother but this time it seemed too much for the weasel and for some strange reason Dara wanted to help him. He wanted to ease his pain. He wanted to open Itachi’s eyes and show him that the world wasn’t revolving around Sasuke! Itachi’s feelings for his ototou were really fucking weird. Deidara always believed that it was this spoiled brat’s fault that they were so messed up but now he was beginning to wonder if he was right. He wanted to know their story. He wanted to know why Sasuke seemed to hate Itachi and why Itachi loved him so unconditionally even when the brat constantly tried to hurt him. He wanted to know the truth about Itachi. What kind of a guy was hidden behind this mask of a stuck-up asshole?

  It was incredible how much Deidara could hate and like the same thing at the same time. He was dancing with Iruka acting all flirty and swaying his hips and he did all this just to get the bastard’s attention. He tried to lie to himself that he just enjoyed dancing with the handsome brunette but he kept his eye on Itachi the whole time studying his reactions. When he realized that Itachi looked interested he swayed his hips even more hoping to get some reaction. He wanted Itachi to want him. How many times had he dreamed about Itachi wanting him? Many, yea, but all those times, all those thoughts always ended with Deidara rejecting the Uchiha. He always dreamed about a chance to reject him, to show him that he wasn’t as irresistible as he always thought, that Dei is not like the rest of the people around. He wanted to give the bastard a lesson. He hated Itachi and he wanted to hurt him! But then he felt the hot breath at the back of his neck and those delicate very elegant hands on his hips. It gave him goose bumps and a slight shiver went through his body from every place the weasel had touched him.

  Deidara pushed his head back and felt as the handsome face dipped into his long blond hair. He felt this perfectly straight nose nuzzling his ear and thumbs finding their way under the hem of his shirt. He certainly didn’t hate that, yea... Maybe it was a result of all the alcohol he had that night but at the moment he wanted nothing more than to stay in Itachi’s arms. He wanted more. He wanted Itachi even closer. This thought scared the hell out of him but he still wanted those hands all over his body. He wanted Itachi. He wanted to go up stairs with him and even if just for this one night he wanted to be The One. He felt sick. Itachi’s thumbs were tracing small circles on his skin and it was driving him crazy. One word from Itachi and he would let him do anything and everything he wanted because apparently Dei was no different from everybody else after all…  

To his disappointment the word never came. The song had ended and the hands disappeared just as suddenly as they had appeared leaving Deidara shivering and lonely. Now, let’s face it: he wanted Itachi. He had just lost this stupid little game he tried to play. He was terrified. He wanted to chase Itachi but he had no idea what he could say or do if he did. He would probably say something stupid or just punched the bastard’s beautiful face to punish him for what he made him feel. He was drunk, confused, scared and angry and he did the only thing he could think of, yea. He left.  

T.B.C.