This chapter is rated K+ and contains spoilers for vol. 4, chapter 35 of the manga.

Thank you all for your comments, I hope you'll like this one just as much.

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The Right Way

by nayru-kleinefee


Chapter 12 – Fights

Kakashi knocked against the solid, unyielding wood before him. “Iruka…”

Only cold silence answered.

“Iruka…” Kakashi knocked again. “Open the door.”

“No.”

“Iruka, please open the door and let me in.” The Jounin lowered his raised hand to rest the palm against the door beside his other hand. Please… please don’t keep me away from you… please, Iruka… I’m so sorry. I should have told you yesterday. I’m sorry.

“Go away.”

“But Iruka, please…”, Kakashi pleaded. “Let me in, I want-”

“I don’t care what you want”, Iruka interrupted him from the other side. “Go away.”

“Iruka, I’m sorry, I-”

“I don’t want to hear it! Go away!”

“Please let me explain, Iruka. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t think about what I did to you when I said-”

“I don’t care”, the Chuunin told him. “You said it.”

“Iruka…”, Kakashi murmured softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Fine. Don’t care.”

“Iruka, I mean it.” Please believe me. I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I can’t stand that you’re angry at me.

“And I don’t care. Go away!”, Iruka yelled, and then: “I never want to see you again!”

Kakashi’s chest tightened painfully. “Iruka…” His eyes started burning and he found it suddenly hard to breathe. Please… don’t say such things… Iruka… please…

“Go away… Please…” Iruka’s voice was shaking by now, audible even through the solid wood of his apartment door.

“I can’t, Iruka…”, Kakashi whispered hoarsely.

“You’re a Jounin! You can do whatever you want to a low-ranked little Chuunin like me! Like you showed me today!”, Iruka shouted on the other side of the door.

“I can’t leave, Iruka…” I’ll die without you. I’ll die until there’s only an empty shell left to vegetate in darkness.

“Just go…” The Chuunin’s voice was softer now, but it sounded so utterly hurt and broken that Kakashi wanted to bang his head against the door and hurt himself for what he’d done to Iruka.

“Iruka, please… don’t ask me to leave you…”, he whispered desperately.

“Kakashi, pl-please go away…”, Iruka sobbed, and the Copy-nin heard a noise through the door that sounded like something falling down to the floor. “You hurt me.”

“I’m sorry, Iruka. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Please believe me that I never intended to hurt you. It was a mistake not to tell you earlier but I didn’t intend to-

“You… you hurt me, Kakashi…”, the Chuunin whispered, his voice broken, almost lost. “I never wanted to get hurt like this… not again… please go away…”

“I can’t, Iruka… I can’t go away…” Kakashi swallowed hard, painfully. “I need you, Iruka… I need you with me and I can’t live without you anymore…” I love you, Iruka…

“You will-”

“No, I won’t. I will never again”, Kakashi choked out. How could I, Iruka? I’ve never felt this way before, only with you. And I know that I can’t feel this way towards another person. Only with you, my Iruka.

Silence settled after this, painfully carrying the feeling of loss and loneliness with it.

“Iruka”, Kakashi whispered pleadingly after what felt like a heartbreaking eternity to him although he wasn’t even sure if the words were loud enough to be heard through the door. “Iruka, please don’t leave me. I will do anything, Iruka, anything to make you stay with me. I need you, Iruka.”

“Kakashi…” The Copy-nin suddenly heard the sound of somebody crawling towards the door. “What you did today… I… Why… why did you do that?”

“I’m sorry, Iruka…” Kakashi kneeled down on his side of the door and leaned his forehead against the hard, cold wood, feeling relieved and hopeful suddenly but at the same time even more frightened because of that and the thought of possibly being left still. “I’m so sorry I-”

“Why did you do that to me, Kakashi?”, Iruka repeated, his voice hard but with a clearly audible trace of hurt.

“I didn’t mean to do anything to you”, the Jounin answered. “I wanted to nominate them because I am sure they are ready for it.”

“They aren’t. Naruto-”

“Naruto is ready”, Kakashi interrupted the Chuunin softly. “As are Sakura and Sasuke. They are stronger already than most of the older Genin who will participate.”

“But Naruto…” Iruka’s voice broke. “He’s- he’s still so young…”

“I was even younger. And I wasn’t ready when I became Chuunin”, Kakashi told him. “My body maybe, but my mind wasn’t. But they are, Iruka. They are ready for the exam.”

“Oh my…” Iruka sobbed. “You can’t know that for sure.”

“I can. Naruto might be a loud, naïve kid when around you, but I’ve seen him fight. He’s more than ready.” Kakashi sighed. “I don’t think he’ll pass, though. Neither will Sakura or Sasuke… but they will grow stronger through the exam. They will become an even better team.”

“What if they get hurt?”, Iruka audibly forced out. “What if they get ki-”

“They won’t. They are strong. If they pass the written exam, they will survive the forest, too, I don’t doubt that. And in the final round I’ll be there to make sure they’re fine.”

“Because they are your soldiers now?” The hurt was back in the Chuunin’s voice.

“Yes”, Kakashi forced out. “And because they were your students and you care for them and taught them everything they’ll need now. That’s why they’ll survive and grow stronger.”

“That… that’s not what you said earlier…”

“I know. I-”

“Why did you say you’d crush them, Kakashi?”, Iruka asked quietly. “Even if it was a joke, why did you say it? It was cruel to me.”

“I… said it because I was… nervous, frightened, Iruka…”, the Copy-nin admitted. “I always say stupid things when I’m nervous around you.”

“Why… were you frightened?”, he heard the Chuunin ask, sounding disbelieving.

“Because I didn’t know what to do when you got angry with me”, Kakashi whispered. “I hadn’t thought about how to react to that before, hadn’t wanted to think about it… I had hoped against what I knew that you would be happy for Naruto and the others… I didn’t want to make you upset, so I hoped you would agree…” I’m so sorry, Iruka. So sorry for being stupid and hurting you. Please believe me that I didn’t do it on purpose.

“Why didn’t you tell me yesterday? We could have… I… we could have talked…”

“I was…” Kakashi took a deep breath. “I was afraid…”

“Afraid?”, Iruka asked, his surprised disbelief clearly audible in his voice.

“Afraid you would ask me not to nominate them… I didn’t know if I would be able to refuse your wish although I knew that they were ready.” Kakashi took a shuddering breath. “And I was afraid you would leave me if I refused to do as you wished.” I didn’t know what to do, Iruka. It’s like that with you and only with you so often that I’m almost terrified of it. But still I don’t want it to change, still I want it to be this way forever. And that frightens me even more.

“I wouldn’t have left you.”

“You can’t know that.” The Jounin shook his head.

“I know that”, Iruka told him calmly. “I wouldn’t have left somebody who was at least honest with me.”

Kakashi flinched painfully. “I-Iruka…”

“I would have yelled at you and maybe left your apartment after you had told me. But I wouldn’t have left you.”

“Iruka”, Kakashi forced out. “Will… will you l-leave me now?” Please don’t leave me. I couldn’t stand that. I can’t live without you anymore, Iruka. I love you more than I can say, more than I can understand. Please don’t leave me.

Silence answered, only disturbed by the Chuunin moving on the other side.

“Iruka”, the Jounin pleaded desperately. “P-please don’t leave me. I will never-”

“You will never do something like that to me again”, Iruka told him, then something clicked softly, the door opened a small crack, and Kakashi saw the Chuunin look at him through it, eyes red and swollen. “I’m sure that I can stand to fight with you, no matter how often, but I know that I can’t stand to find out only one single time more that you’re not honest with me, Kakashi.” A single tear flowed down Iruka’s cheek, cutting a deep gash into the Copy-nin’s heart on its way.

“Iru-”

“If you ever again do something like this instead of talking to me, I will leave you, Kakashi”, the Chuunin whispered, and another tear fell from his eyes. “No matter what it is about and how much it will hurt me to leave you.”

“I’ll never do something like that again, I promise”, Kakashi choked out, reached out with his hand and took one of Iruka’s. “I’m sorry.”

“I know, Kakashi.” Iruka smiled shakily, the look in his eyes softening. “That’s why I don’t leave you.”

“I’m sorry, Iruka”, Kakashi repeated and squeezed his hand to convince himself that he really had been forgiven and that Iruka wouldn’t vanish suddenly and leave him in darkness. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Kakashi. I forgive you”, Iruka whispered.

“May I come in?”, the Copy-nin pleaded. “Please?” To make sure that you’ll really stay with me? That you won’t leave me?

“M-hm.” The Chuunin nodded and moved back from the door on his rear.

“Thank you.” Kakashi didn’t bother to get up from his knees, just crawled into the apartment, shut the door with his foot and approached Iruka slowly on his hands and knees until he could rest his forehead against the Chuunin’s. He sighed in relief when he heard their hitai-ates click. Thank you. Thank you, Iruka. Thank you so much for forgiving me. I will never again do anything to make you sad, I promise. I will never hurt you again, Iruka.

Iruka wrapped his arms around the Jounin’s neck and closed his eyes. “Are you sure they’re ready?”, he whispered.

“Yes.” Kakashi nodded, then reached up and removed first his, then the Chuunin’s hitai-ate. He leaned forward again until his forehead touched Iruka’s. “They are.”

“They’re still so young…”

“They will grow with the experience. They will become stronger and a better team.”

“Naruto… He’s so… It’s hard for me to believe that he’s as strong as you say.”

“I promise I don’t-”

“I know.” Iruka opened his eyes again and smiled. “I know you don’t lie to me. And I’m sorry, Kakashi.”

“No, don’t be.” Kakashi shook his head against the Chuunin’s. “It’s all my fault. You don’t have to-”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t trust your ability to judge your students”, Iruka whispered. “And I’m sorry that I doubted it in front of your colleagues and Sandaime-sama.”

“I don’t care.” The Jounin smiled. “I don’t care what they think about me. Their opinions of me don’t matter to me.” Only you matter, my Iruka. You’re the only one I want to accept me, to like me, to love me.

“I’m still sorry, Kakashi. I shouldn’t have said those things to you. It’s just…” The Chuunin took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to believe and still can’t really believe that the little kid I thought I knew grew up that much without me noticing…”

“Naruto’s still very much the kid you knew.” Kakashi smiled broader. “I don’t think he’ll ever grow up entirely.”

“I hope not.” Iruka tilted his head and gave his masked lips a tender kiss. “Too many kids grow up too fast.”

“M-hm.”

“I’m sorry that you weren’t ready when they made you Chuunin.”

“They thought I was a genius. They didn’t see I was also still a child.” Or maybe they didn’t want to see it.

“I’m glad Naruto is no genius at all”, Iruka smiled sadly.

“I’m not either”, Kakashi told him.

“Yes, sure, Hatake Kakashi, famous Copy-nin, master of a thousand jutsus, holder of the Sharingan.” The Chuunin lifted a mocking eyebrow.

“That’s different. I might be a genius shinobi, but I’m definitely no genius in everyday life.” Kakashi sighed. “A genius would have known a way to avoid to hurt you.” A genius would know how to tell you about all the things I want to tell you so much. How much you mean to me. That I’ve never felt better in my life than when you’re with me. That I love you.

“It’s okay.” Iruka kissed him again. “I don’t want a genius. If a genius had hurt me, I would have known that he had done it intentionally.”

“Never”, Kakashi promised.

“M-hm.” Iruka reached out and pulled down the mask, then kissed him again.

“I will never hurt you intentionally, Iruka”, the Jounin whispered against his lips. “Never.”

“I know, Kakashi.” Iruka smiled. “You and Naruto are the two persons who I know of that they will never hurt me on purpose.”

“We’ll do our best to protect you from getting hurt”, Kakashi murmured, his chest tightening and his heart fluttering at the Chuunin’s words of trust.

“And I’ll protect both of you for that”, Iruka gave back softly. “Even though you’re both strong.” He shook his head a little. “Naruto a Chuunin… hard to imagine.”

“Want to tell him tomorrow that I nominated them?”, Kakashi asked. I’ll let you, but I will be there, too. Though not on purpose, I’m afraid he might break some of your rips when he celebrates by hugging you to suffocation.

“No. Your honour.” Iruka smiled. “I’ll treat him to ramen later to celebrate.” He sighed. “And I will learn to see them as you do.”

“What about we test them once more?”, the Jounin suggested. “So you can see?”

“Test them?”

“Test them.” Kakashi nodded. “And if they fail, I’ll take back the nomination if you want. But I’m sure that they’ll succeed.”

“How do you want to test them?”

“Well, as you know I’m a genius shinobi…” Kakashi smiled when he heard Iruka chuckle. “Hey! I am!”, he laughed softly, relieved that his Chuunin wasn’t sad anymore.

“I know”, Iruka told him, still smiling.

“That doesn’t sound convinced to me…” But I don’t care as long as you smile at me again.

“I am”, Iruka assured.

“Hrmph…” Kakashi mock-glared at him. “However. As you know I am a genius shinobi…” He was rewarded with another chuckle. “…and therefore I will use my genius shinobi mind and think of something”, he announced.

“Think of something?”, Iruka laughed, and the sound warmed the Jounin’s wounded heart. “All this ‘look at me, I’m a genius’-stuff, and then you’ll think of something? You don’t have a plan ready yet?”

“I got distracted”, Kakashi told him and faked a pout.

“By what?”

“By you”, the Copy-nin whispered and kissed him sweetly. “You could distract me from anything.”

“Is that so?” Iruka smiled and kissed him back.

“M-hm.” Kakashi nodded, wrapped his arms around him and sighed. “And I don’t mind that at all.”

“What about I play the genius this time then?”

“Go on.”

“Do you want to test their strength?”

“Whatever you want.” I’ll do whatever you want.

“Then let’s test their strength and their ability to handle critical situations”, Iruka suggested.

“Sounds good. Chuunin need to be able to do that.” Kakashi smiled and stole a kiss. “You sure you are no genius?”

Iruka laughed. “I want to see how Naruto handles a situation when one of his friends is in danger and he has to do more than run to the enemy and beat him up.”

“Want me to take you hostage?”, Kakashi suggested. “I could hide with you in the forest until he finds us.” And make sure he’ll never find us… or anybody else… I want to hide with you somewhere where there is only you and me, nobody else.

“I thought of Konohamaru and his gang… “ The Chuunin laughed. “If I let myself be rescued by Naruto again, I will never hear the end of it.”

“Pity.” Kakashi sighed. “Already thought about what I could have done with you while waiting.” Like doing my best to never risk to lose you again.

“I thought so.” Iruka laughed again.

“Next time, maybe. What about Sasuke and Sakura?”

“Sakura always gets panic-stricken when she thinks that Sasuke is in danger.”

“I know. I read about that in your report about the three and tried it on our first day.”

“Worked, I bet.”

“Worked perfectly.”

“You really read my report?”, Iruka asked doubtfully.

“Sure. Always have to know my enemies.”

“‘Enemies’?”, the Chuunin laughed. “They were supposed to become your students.”

“Enemies”, Kakashi confirmed and smiled. “Of the worst kind.” Although I would have thought differently if I had known you like this back then and how you saw them.

“I can’t believe it”, Iruka laughed and shook his head.

“Then you want to test Sakura’s ability to overcome herself?”

“Yes.”

“And Sasuke?”

“Mmmmh… I’ll think of something.”

“Genius, hu?” Kakashi grinned.

“Ph. Then you’ll think of something for him.” Iruka pouted.

“I’ll try.” The Jounin leaned forward again and kissed him. “You want to test them?”

“If I may.”

“Please feel free to do as you please.” Kakashi grinned.

“Sounds good.” Iruka grinned back.

“You can always feel free to do as you please with me”, Kakashi murmured softly. As long as you don’t leave me.

“Kakashi…” Iruka kissed him before he sighed, laid his head on the Jounin’s shoulder and tightened his embrace around him. “I’m very glad, Kakashi”, he whispered, his voice a little thick. “Glad that we didn’t break up.”

“I can’t tell you how… relieved I am that you didn’t leave me”, Kakashi whispered back and tightened his hold. And I will do anything to keep you with me, my Iruka. I love you.

“Me too.” The Chuunin sighed again. “Me too, Kakashi.”

“I… Iruka?”, the Copy-nin whispered. I love you.

“M-hm?”

I love you. Please don’t laugh about me, I know that it’s not the right time or place, not the right way to tell you, but I can’t think of another.

“Hm? Kakashi?” Iruka lifted his head, frowning.

And please love me back.

“Kakashi?”

“Iruka…” You love me back, right? Or if you don’t, do you think you’re able to learn it?

“Kakashi, what is it?” Iruka frowned deeper, looking concerned. “Don’t you feel good? You’re looking strained.”

“It’s…” What if you don’t love me back and don’t want to either? What shall I do then? How shall I live on then?

“Kakashi, are you in pain?” Iruka sat back and laid his hand on the Jounin’s forehead.

“It’s… it’s nothing, Iruka.” Kakashi forced a smile. “I’m just a little tired. The stress, our fight… I guess it’s all coming back now and taking its toll.” Do you love me, Iruka? Please? Can you please love me?

“Oh.” The Chuunin frowned again, then smiled, looking relieved. “Do you want to sleep here?”

“May I?” You said you’re happy to be with me. Does that mean that you love me, too? I want to believe that, Iruka. I want you to love me.

“M-hm.” Iruka nodded. “But… tonight… just sleep, ‘kay?”

“Yes. Just sleep.” And I will tell you soon. And maybe you’ll tell me you love me back. I want that, Iruka. More than I ever wanted anything else. Do you feel the same? Please, Iruka. Please love me back and-

“Kakashi?”

“Yes?”

“Kakashi, I…” Iruka looked at him, then blushed deeply. “Kakashi, I…”

“Iruka?” Kakashi frowned. Isn’t he feeling good? Does he get a fever?

“…Nothing.” The Chuunin smiled. “I’m… I’m just tired, too, I guess.” He got up quickly, then went into his kitchen. “Something to eat?”

“Yes, please.” Kakashi stood up and followed, not willing to let his Chuunin away from him right now. “Want me to help? Or we can order in if you’re too tired to cook.”

“No, it’s fine.” Iruka blushed again. “But you can help me.”

“‘kay.” Kakashi kissed him. I love you, my Iruka. And I’ll tell you soon.


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A/N:
Okay, this went better than I expected. (Mostly because I couldn’t get myself to let them suffer for more than half a chapter, soft-hearted as I am.)
And to all who have missed Pakkun (like me): He’ll make a guest appearance in the next chapter.

And a little PM this time:
Hestia, your comment almost made me change my story to write the next chapters as you suggested, but then I decided against it in the last moment because I couldn't bring myself to split them up. But a really good idea, I loved it!

EDIT: I know now for sure that this story will have 18 chapters and three more lemons. One of them will be in the next chapter.

Nayru