Hunger

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto' and I don't make any money from these writings.
Warnings: yaoi, INCEST, AU.
Pairings: At first KankuroxGaara but eventually GaaraxNaruto.

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A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I appreciate them very much, they made me smile and feel worthy! Sorry that I haven't answered to the reviews, I'm still recovering from depression and I don't have much energy left.

If you want more information about Stockholm Syndrome, look Wikipedia or Google it. :) In this chapter, Stockholm Syndrome refers to the victim's (Gaara) loyalty to the abuser (Kankuro).

I've drawn a picture of this chapter. See my profile for link.

I've published a new story called Daddy's Legacy. It's very dark and sick but hey, what can you do. It's about Kankuro and Gaara of course.

I hope you remember the dream Naruto told Gaara in chapter 9.

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Chapter 12: Stockholm Syndrome

Since morning, Kankuro had been in a bad mood.

First of all, he had found out that Naruto, the overly annoying little blondie, had stayed the last night with Gaara in the cellar. Why hadn't Gaara asked for his permission? The redhead always did, always! Under the surface, Kankuro was furious. To the outside world, he only radiated coldness and cool anger.

The blondie had left in the morning and after that, Gaara had been avoiding Kankuro like knowing that if they talked, it would result a fight. It was now evening and the darkness had fallen upon the sleeping, wintry ladscape outside. Kankuro looked out of the livingroom window to the leafless branches of the trees, to the deafening blackness that swallowed the sleeping forest. One thing he loved about winter was the darkness and the bone-chilling coldness.

His musings were interrupted, however, when the cellar door creaked and indicated that Gaara was out of the cellar. Wasting no time, Kankuro walked there and found the redhead staring at the front door, deep in thought.

"What was he doing in here?" Kankuro asked, angry that the annoying blond had stayed the night in their house. The redhead was standing back turned to him, watching at the door as if the stupid blondie was still there.

"He was staying the night," Gaara replied, stating the obvious. Under the surface, he was irritated that his brother had dared to lie to him about Naruto and Kiba.

"You could've asked me first," Kankuro said coolly, not liking that Gaara had done such a decision all by himself. His little brother had always asked his permission for things like these, always, and he didn't like this sudden change at all.

"It was a decision I could make by myself," Gaara said back, still not turning to face his brother.

"You could've slept in your room," Kankuro spoke, not pleased that the teenagers had shared a bed in the cellar, out of his reach and away from his earshot. He took a step towards the redhead, for he couldn't stand that Gaara was ignoring him like this instead of facing him.

"I prefer the cellar as you know," Gaara replied calmly, trying to keep his cool even though he was growing more and more irritated by the moment. It was none of his brother's business where he spent his time!

"But what about Naruto? Didn't he have cold in there?" Kankuro asked, his tone of voice revealing his disgust about the subject. With a few steps, he closed the distance between them and put his hands on Gaara's shoulders, breathing on the redhead's neck.

"Or did you keep him warm?" he then asked, his grip tightening threateningly.

"It's none of your business!" Gaara said, raising his voice and trying to wriggle free from the tight grip.

"So you two did something!" Kankuro growled, not releasing his brother but holding him more tightly instead. He knew it! The blond was no good! He disliked the blondie even more now, he almost hated him for changing Gaara like this.

"No," Gaara managed but his reply came out feeble. He wasn't good at lying, the least of all to his brother. His cheeks were blushing as he recalled the events of the last night, remembering how Naruto had kept on whispering to him, moaning to him. At that moment, he was grateful that Kankuro couldn't see his face.

"What did you two do?" Kankuro hissed right to Gaara's ear. He was sure now that his precious little brother had betrayed him, and it was all that stupid blondie's fault!

"Nothing," Gaara said but his voice lacked the defiant edge it had had before.

Swinging Gaara around, Kankuro forced the redhead to look at him. He was going to find out the truth, in a way or another. "Were you on the bottom? Or did he let you top him?" Kankuro asked in an irritated voice.

"No! Stop asking me," Gaara replied, disgusted at his brother's straightforwardness.

"Did he make you come like I do?" Kankuro went on, jealousness growing inside of him. Moment by moment, he hated the blondie more, for stealing a part of Gaara away. Gaara was his and no one else's!

"Well did he?" Kankuro asked impatiently as the redhead didn't answer right away. "Or maybe you sucked him off! Did you spit or did you swallow, like you do with me?" he continued heatedly, the jealousness now burning inside of him. As the blush deepened on Gaara's face, Kankuro stopped asking, his black eyes revealing deep hurt.

"You betrayed me," Kankuro whispered, irritation seething through his voice. His feelings were tearing him in two, unstabilizing him to the point where his emotions mixed. Momentarily, he loosened his grip and right after that, the warmth of his little brother left him, escaping him. The house seemed even darker now than before, it was almost black from all the paining feelings. He didn't remember that such blackness could even exist and so he gripped his head, trying to force it out of his mind.

With a bit of fear, Gaara looked at his brother, wondering if the brunette was winning or losing the internal battle he seemed to be having. In the black eyes, he saw mixed feelings but on top were hurt and even fear. It made him want to comfort his brother, in hopes that there could possibly be something that he could do to help him. The last thing he needed now was Kankuro losing himself.

"Kankuro," he said, gently touching his brother's arm, meaning it as a comforting gesture.

Sooner than he could even realize, his wrist was captured and the black eyes held no more fear but irritation, even though the hurt still remained. With a thud, Gaara's back hit the wall as Kankuro pinned him against it.

"You're so easy, Gaara. You have no self-respect. Did you give in to Naruto this easily, too?" Kankuro asked, blame hidden in his voice. He knew it wasn't fair to take out his disappointment and hurt on Gaara, but some feelings were easier to deal with if they were inflicted on others.

"I'm not easy!" Gaara said, trying to appear stronger than he actually was. Deep inside, he was unsure and vulnerable.

"Don't tell me you really think he's interested in your personality," Kankuro snorted. "He took interest in you only because you walk around in ridiculously tight clothes which leave very little room to imagination, and the second you stop going down on him, he will leave you," he then continued coldly, all along inspecting the pale face keenly.

"You know nothing!" Gaara almost shouted, angry that his brother talked about Naruto so lightly. "Besides, you lied to me about what happened at the party! How dared you?" he snapped, wriggling to get his wrist free.

"I tried to protect you, like so many times before," Kankuro replied calmly, keeping Gaara in place. "Please don't tell me you haven't still figured out how he's like. He gets drunk and then leaves himself at the mercy of other people. He is stupid. There's no excuse for that," Kankuro said and smirked.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you lied to me," Gaara said, struggling again. Right now he wanted to get away from his brother and the lies. Who knew in how many lies he still believed?

"Now let me go!"

"I'm afraid it won't be that easy. You did worse to me. You cheated on me! I've never done that to you, yet you jumped on the first person that paid attention to you," Kankuro spoke, slashing the younger male with his accusing words.

"But we're brothers, not a freaking couple!" Gaara snapped.

"Oh, but when you hurt someone you love, it doesn't matter if you're siblings or not," Kankuro explained patiently and continued in the same manner, "Try empathy. How would you feel if I banged one of my friends in my room, while you'd sit on your own room, alone? Or how would you feel if I let one of them suck me, after I'd first been with you? Wouldn't you feel hurt? Wouldn't you feel like I'd abandoned you?"

Momentarily, Gaara had to lower his gaze because guilt was already filling his mind. He shouldn't feel guilty over this, if he thought rationally. But the emotional bond with his brother hindered his logic, and so he had to try twice as much to not let Kankuro's words manipulate him.

"I will forgive you," Kankuro said, breaking the short silence. As their gazes locked, there was something unreadable in the black orbs. "But on one condition."

"No." This was the part Gaara had secretly feared. He didn't want this guilt, this fake debt. He wanted Naruto and the easy communication.

"Yes. I want you to be eager tonight. You have to show me how much you want it, how much better it's with me than with that brat. Got it?" Kankuro said, his command leaving no room for arguments.

"Why?" Gaara asked the pointless question, trying to buy time. He was in no mood for any of this, it all felt horrible. His longing for Naruto only increased after hearing his sentence for his 'crime'. But what had happened last night wasn't a crime—if there even was such a thing, then it was this between him and his brother.

"I'll make you forget about him," Kankuro whispered to Gaara's ear, his other hand already lifting the black shirt of his little brother.

"Stop," Gaara said, anxious that time had ran out. He didn't want this. He didn't want his brother's hands all over his body.

"I know you want it, too," Kankuro said in a low voice, pushing his hips against Gaara's.

He needed this, now. He needed to feel the love, because maybe that way, he would stay emotinally balanced. He wanted to hear his little brother scream and see him close his eyes as he entered him, because that would bring them closer together, that way Gaara would know how he had felt way back then, years ago. Because then Gaara would share his pain, and his little brother would love him because they could understand each other. He just wanted Gaara to understand and love him, not to leave him alone. Besides, Gaara surely wanted this secretly, anyways.

"No, I don't!" Gaara half-hissed, half-growled.

Gaara's heart was aching from all the emotions and pains he had tried to suppress in hopes of making them go away. But they had never vanished and now they were threatening to explode, he could feel it. The burden was just too much. Kankuro's hands were exploring the waistband of his jeans now, hinting what would happen soon. Did he deserve this? He didn't want to be treated this way—he didn't want to be stripped, he didn't want anything inside of him, and the least of all, he didn't want to be told he liked it when he had clearly said he didn't.

And now his brother had already unbuttoned his jeans and was speaking to his ear in a husky voice. "You're just playing hard to get, aren't you? You know it only turns me on—"

"NO!!" Gaara suddenly shouted, struggling like never before. He wouldn't succumb now. Naruto had treated him like human being. Naruto always listened to him and cared how he felt.

He wanted that, not this.

With power he didn't even know he had, he pushed his brother away, freeing himself. For a fleeting second time seemed to stop and all he could remember afterwards was Kankuro's dumbfounded expression. The next thing he knew was that he was running out of the front door into the cold, snowy evening without having even his shoes on. But he didn't care. He didn't care that he had only a shirt and unzipped jeans on and that he was already freezing. It was all trivial now. All he cared about was getting away from home. And Naruto...

His socks were slippery on the icy street as he dashed like his life depended on it. His body was full of adrenaline and fear as he finally reached Naruto's door and ringed the doorbell frantically. In his panic, he banged the door with his fist as if he was about to die.

Open the goddamn door, Naruto! Hurry!

And then, someone grabbed him from behind and coverd his mouth, making it impossible for him to scream.

"Mmfh!!" was all Gaara could manage but it was too late, for he was already being dragged behind the corner of the house, their footsteps leaving a visible trail on the snow.

"Shut up!" Kankuro hissed angrily, jerking Gaara to emphasize his words.

"I can't believe how stupid you are, running away like that! Anyone could've seen! What were you thinking!?" he continued angrily but quietly. His own heart was pounding wildly in his chest from excitement and fear, and he prayed that none of their neighbours had seen them.

"Mmh," Gaara mumbled quietly, the hand still covering his mouth. The coldness was slowly taking him over and his socks were now half-wet and half-frozen.

"Listen carefully, Gaara," Kankuro began, as they slowly backed away deeper into Naruto's backyard. "We can't let anyone know about anything, you do know that? I'm sure you know what I'll do if they find out and try to take me away," Kankuro whispered, the same old insanity echoing in his voice.

"Mmh!" Gaara mumbled, his eyes widening. He didn't want anything bad to happen to Kankuro, he knew his brother had suffered enough. What the brunette needed was help, not any more problems.

Naruto had jolted up from his sleep as he'd heard the frantic ringing of the doorbell. His drowsiness had vanished quickly as loud thumping had chimed in with the sound of the doorbell. Thinking that someone had to be in serious trouble, he had hurried to the door, only to find that there was no one in there.

Surprised, he had at first thought it was a joke committed by the children of the neighbourhood. He had been about to go back inside when he had spotted a suspicious trail on the snow, leading behind the corner of the house. Frowning, he had taken his shoes and coat and put them on before locking the door.

"Hello, is anybody there?" Naruto called into the darkness. When no answer came, he started to follow the trail, curious at who was intruding his backyard.

"Great, now the blondie's coming after us!" Kankuro huffed and dragged Gaara along, until they were on the border of the forest that begun where the backyard ended. Fortunately it was very dark so they had a perfect hiding spot in the shadows of the trees.

"So we're going to mislead the blondie, alright?" Kankuro said in a quiet voice, and after Gaara nodded, he continued. "We go into the forest, you different path than I. It will be harder for the blondie to follow us if there are two paths. If he follows us, it shouldn't matter which path he chooses, because I'll keep an eye on you and when the blondie's close enough, I'll knock him out. Alright?"

Shaking with cold, Gaara nodded feebly, even though in reality he didn't want to agree with his brother's crazy plan. Now there was no time for hesitation, though, because they couldn't get caught by Naruto like this, not without raising unwanted questions.

"Good. Now go!" Kankuro whispered, releasing Gaara's wrists. Neither of them noticed how one of Gaara's loose bracelets fell onto the thin layer of snow and remained there, glinting in the faint light of the moon. Both of them hurried deeper into the forest, away from the light, afraid that their secret would be revealed.

The sound of footsteps caught Naruto's attention and he hurried to the backyard, only to find two trails on the snow, leading into the forest. Must've been the kids after all, Naruto thought and was about to go back inside, when he saw something glinting on the ground. As he picked it up he instantly recognized it.

"Gaara?" Naruto yelled loudly, looking around. What was Gaara's bracelet doing in here? Had it been Gaara on his door just moments ago? Now more worried than ever, Naruto started to run into the forest, following the path that opened right in front of him.

Running headlong into the growing darkness and thickening forest, Kankuro cursed in his mind. Where the hell did the blondie know Gaara was here? This was no good. Keeping an eye on the redhead who was about twenty feet away from him, Kankuro ran on, trying to make as little noise as possible. What should they do after he knocked out the blondie? Should they... bury him? Bury him alive? Shaking his head, Kankuro tried to dissolve the brutal thought. That would be a murder. Someone would find the body eventually. Someone would count one plus one together and find him and Gaara guilty. No, they couldn't do that!

Or could they? At least then, Gaara would be all his again. Gaara would be forever and ever his and only his.

"No..." Kankuro murmured to himself, denying his insane thougths. He wasn't this crazy, no. He wasn't a murderer. But the deeper he ran into the forest, the further away civilization and laws seemed to him. He suppressed an insane chuckle that almost escaped his lips, threatening to reveal his whereabouts to the blond who still followed them. The forest grew darker with every step he took, and with every step, he tried to keep the darkness away from his mind. He couldn't lose himself now, for Gaara's sake.

"Gaara? Are you here?" Naruto shouted with a worried voice. He had a bad feeling about this, like something bad was going to happen to him. But there was no way he'd turn back, not when Gaara was probably here.

Gaara kept on running, despite the freezing coldness that was taking over his body second by second. His socks were wet and cold, partly frozen, but he had to keep on moving on despite of that. Deep down he feared what would happen once Naruto got closer to them. Would Kankuro really knock him out? However, his train of thought was interrupted when a root of a tree got in his way and he fell to the snowy ground, hurting his knee.

"Ouch!" he yelped, even though he had tried to keep quiet so that Naruto wouldn't find his whereabouts.

Kankuro heard the yelp and cursed under his breath, knowing that it was no good for Gaara to stop running.

"Gaara!?" Naruto shouted again, running faster now. It was very dark in the forest and it was hard for him to see forwards. What he did see, however, was a large lump in the middle of the trail and the closer he got it, the more human-like it looked.

"GAARA!!!" Naruto yelled now and rushed down to his boyfriend. "Gaara, are you okay? You look hurt!" Naruto spoke frantically, his veins full of adrenaline from excitement and fear.

"N-N-Narut-to..." Gaara whispered stuttering, for he was far too frostbitten to talk louder. He saw a figure between the nearby trees and knew that Kankuro's plan was about to come in action. But Gaara couldn't let it happen! No, he couldn't let Naruto to be knocked out and left in the cold, dark forest. So he entwined his trembling hands around Naruto and hugged him, hugged his head, so that no one could hurt his precious little blond. Behind Naruto's back, he showed shooing gestures to Kankuro to signal that he should disappear into the shadows. And he saw Kankuro retreat, but not before spitting on the ground first.

"What is it Gaara? Why did you hug me?" Naruto asked as he pulled off from the hug, a bit confused at the action.

"I-I'm s-so c-cold," Gaara stuttered, seeking Naruto's warmth again.

"Oh yeah you must be!" Naruto said, and continued, "Come on, let's go home. You look really frostbitten, Gaara." And then he helped Gaara to stand up and slowly, the two of them began to retreat back to the civilization, Gaara limping because of his hurt knee and Naruto giving the redhead much needed support.

One person, though, remained in the forest, looking at the two retreating backs. Kankuro spat to the gound again, angry that his plan had gone awry. Stupid Gaara...

--

Naruto led the freezing Gaara into his warm, cozy house and locked the door behind them. Without taking even his shoes off first, he led Gaara straight to the bathroom. In the fluorescent light, the redhead's pale skin looked even more blueish now than before and Naruto kept on worrying if his skinny boyfriend had gotten some serious frostbites.

"Let's take your cold clothes off, okay? I'll bring you some dry ones to change into," Naruto said softly and helped Gaara to take off his shirts first, since the quiet redhead seemed to be too frozen to strip without help.

On Gaara's pale stomach, Naruto couldn't help but notice some white, thin, old-looking scars. They seemed to form some sort of weird pattern, which made them look different than usual slashes. Had Gaara done those cuts himself? And if so, why? If Gaara really was so suicidal, why weren't there any cut marks on the pale arms or on the wrists? Getting worried, Naruto stayed silent and decided that after Gaara felt better, it would be time for questions.

Silently, Naruto turned his attention to Gaara's black jeans and instantly noticed that they were unbuttoned and the zip was open.

What the hell... Naruto thought, his worriness increasing. What the hell is going on? Naruto wondered as he looked at his still freezing friend. Gaara was in some trance-like state, silent and shivering. What had Gaara done in the forest, his pants open? Naruto was now sure that it had to be Gaara that had been desperately knocking at his door back then.

Automatically, Naruto helped Gaara to take off the cold jeans and wet socks until the redhead had no more clothes on but his tight boxers.

"I'll bring you some dry clothes now. Just a second," Naruto said to the unresponsive redhead before he disappeared from the bathroom.

But why would've Gaara come to his door with such hurry and desperation, Naruto wondered on his way to the drawer in his room. Had the redhead ran away from something? Naruto pulled out a comfy pyjaman with a pair of boxers and socks, and it was then he remembered the two trails on the snow—so Gaara hadn't been alone, and most likely, the other person had been Kankuro.

For with whom else Gaara spent his time unless with his brother? And if the other person had been Kankuro, it would mean that Gaara had ran away from home, which would explain quite well Gaara's lack of shoes and winter clothing.

Head swirling with unanswered questions, Naruto returned to the bathroom and handed the clothes to Gaara.

"Here you are, you can change these on," he said and left the redhead alone. For some reason, he felt like he should give Gaara his privacy. Somehow now was not the right moment to see his boyfriend naked for the first time.

After taking off his shoes and coat, Naruto went restlessly to the kithcen to drink a glass of water. The action didn't ease his mind at all so he left the room and paced around a little in the hallway. In the livingroom, Naruto sat down and waited. One thing he couldn't straight away fathom was what had driven Gaara from his home to his door with such hurry. And why had Kankuro been there?

Before Naruto's brain could proceed the train of thought further, the bathroom door opened and Gaara entered the livingroom.

The redhead was still shivering but the color had slowly started to come back to his face. Gaara sat on the couch and instantly, Naruto was there to entwine a soft and warm blanket around him.

Fire crackled in the fireplace and in the peaceful atmosphere, Gaara let his guard down. One thing that prevented him from fully relaxing, though, was the unsureness of his brother's whereabouts. Was Kankuro still out there? Was he lurking behind the windows even now?

"Gaara..." Naruto started, a loving yet very worried expression on his face.

"Are you feeling better now? Well I can see you're still shivering but at least you got warm clothes on now," Naruto started, feeling that his chattering eased the unsureness he now suddenly felt.

Gaara only nodded for an answer and tied the blanket a little more tightly around himself. It was very comfy here in Naruto's house, thanks to the dim lighting and the crackling of the fireplace. It was quiet and warm, safe. So it was no wonder that warmness was slowly spreading over him, chasing away the coldness that had only moments ago chilled his flesh and bones.

"Thanks," Gaara said quietly, feeling that he could talk normally again.

"Hey no problem," Naruto answered, a familiar wide smile gracing his lips. A silence fell over them and at least to Naruto, it felt uncomfortable.

"What happened?" Naruto then asked, breaking the silence. He wasn't as stupid as he sometimes let people know and he had already made conclusions about the events of the night. But there were still many, many things he couldn't understand.

"Nothing," Gaara just said and looked away. He was so worried about Kankuro. Had the brunette gone home yet? Or was Kankuro having an episode in the forest? If only he could know...

"Nothing happened?" Naruto repeated, a little surprised. He stared at the redhead, but Gaara refused to meet his eyes.

"You come banging at my door, all hysterical, but when I get to open, you're nowhere to be seen. Instead I find marks on the snow, leading to my backyard. Then I find two trails leading into the forest and your bracelet on the snow, and when I get to you you're all frostbitten and freezing. Added to that, you have no shoes or a coat on and your pants are unzipped!" Naruto explained heatedly.

"And you say that nothing happened. What the hell is going on Gaara!?" Naruto yelled standing up, not because he was angry but because of his concern. "I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks of, so you better tell me now!"

"I don't think you're stupid," Gaara whispered, giving a sideway glance to the blond. He was growing desperate, for there was no way he could tell Naruto what had led to him escaping home. He just wanted his boyfriend to stop interrogating him, that would be best for everyone.

"Well yes you think I am if you thought I'd let this be," Naruto said heatedly. "What happened, Gaara?" he asked again, "What were you doing outside without proper clothing? I think you were running away from something," Naruto concluded.

"Well... Yes I was," Gaara said quietly and looked at Naruto, for he knew he couldn't lie about that even if he tried. But he couldn't tell the truth, either, at least not the whole truth.

"I thought so," Naruto answered, pleased that they were making progress. "Was it Kankuro you were escaping?"

"No..." Gaara lied, his eyes once again staring into the fire instead of Naruto.

"Oh come on, I know you weren't alone in the forest. Well who else it was if it wasn't Kankuro? Huh? And were are your shoes and all if it wasn't your home you were running from?" Naruto asked tentatively. He wanted to know exactly what Kankuro had done to drive Gaara away.

"Alright! I was running away from home..." Gaara told and looked at the blond, annoyed that Naruto didn't seem to accept his feeble lies. What he feared more than Naruto finding out about their secret was what Kankuro would do, if he found out the blond knew.

"Why? You can tell me. I'm your boyfriend and we're supposed to trust each other," Naruto pleaded softly, offering his support. He sat down next to Gaara and stared into the jade eyes.

"Well..." Gaara started, once again thinking about a lie to tell. "Um, we were having a fight. He's been having mental problems and he was under an episode." Alright, it wasn't a total lie but better than the whole truth.

"I'm sorry to hear that," was Naruto's first reaction. "What happened?"

"He... followed me here and you know the rest," Gaara tried.

"No, I meant what happened at your home?" Naruto corrected, eager to know. "What made you leave without stopping to put even shoes on? Was he violent or something?"

"Um... yeah," Gaara lied again and looked away. Better a violent brother than an abusing one. "That's why I left with such a hurry."

"Did he hurt you?" Naruto asked almost whispering, as if he didn't dare to talk loud.

"No..."

"Has he hurt you before?" Naruto willed himself to ask as he remembered the scars on Gaara's stomach. He put an arm around Gaara, giving the redhead a half-hug in order to encourage him to speak. He wanted to do his everything to make Gaara talk to him instead of lying.

"Sometimes," Gaara noticed himself saying as he stared in the fireplace again. Something the vivid flames soothed him and being so close to Naruto gave him a sense of security. An ache appearead in his heart, a longing to actually tell someone about his and Kankuro's secret. It was like he wanted to lift a weight from his heart, to confess his sins to the person he loved.

"I couldn't help but notice that there are scars on your stomach... Has he done them? And your zip was open. I was wondering if he kinda... Did he... You know, did he try to... f-force you into something?" Naruto asked stammering, his blue eyes shining with worry.

Gaara's jade eyes widened in shock because of the accurate question. How could... Naruto conclude such a thing? Was it so obvious? What would he do if Naruto found out? What would Kankuro do? Gaara dared to look at the blond, even though he feared that his own eyes might give the answer away.

The sheer care and concern in the blue eyes made a lump in Gaara's throat appear and for a fleeting moment, he wondered if he should tell the blond everything. Would Naruto understand him? The idea started to sound bearable until Kankuro's words flooded into his mind.

"No one will understand you, they will only accuse you, label you, call you a monster. Even Naruto would call you a freak and leave."

Gaara gulped and shook the thoughts about confessing out of his head. There was no way he could ever tell anyone. He would be just labeled and left alone. Naruto would surely hate him for cheating him with his brother. Yes, Naruto would be disgusted and then, the blue eyes would be void of care and love, forever.

"Hey, are you alright?" Naruto whispered as he noticed the pained expression on Gaara's face. He gave the redhead a hug and kissed the pale cheek, to show that he cared. "I'm sorry if these questions make you feel uncomfortable but you got to understand that I have to know."

"Do you think I'm a freak, Naruto?" Gaara asked, not meeting the blue eyes.

"What? Of course I don't think so!" Naruto said, surprised, and continued, "At first I thought you were a scary person, thanks to all the rumors that stupid people spread around the school. You know, those rumours that you drank blood and so on," Naruto laughed nervously. "Anyway, when I got to know you I found out what an unique and beautiful person you are! So no, I could never think of you as a freak."

"Never?" Gaara asked. "No matter what I'd done?"

"Yeah. Is there something you've done, some freakish things?" Naruto asked.

"What if there is?" Gaara answered, staring into the fire. Could he do it? Could he ever confess his sins to Naruto? He knew Kankuro would almost murder him if he ever told anyone. And what if Naruto told someone, like the police? Kankuro would be taken away, forever. That could never happen. But the ache in his heart was growing...

"I would still love you, no matter what," Naruto said truthfully.

"No matter what?" Gaara wanted confirmation.

"No matter what," Naruto said and his blue eyes twinkled like stars. And the smile on his lips was like an embodyment of love.

"What if I told you that tonight, my brother really tried to force me into... something?" Gaara said tentatively, not even sure himself if it was wise or not. His trust for Naruto was slowly growing stronger than his fear of Naruto telling someone, and the ache of confession in his heart didn't leave him be. He was like a sinner thriving for absolution.

"That's horrible!" Naruto exclaimed, hugging Gaara again. After his hold loosened, he looked into the jade eyes to show how much he felt about it.

"And what if I said that he wasn't under an episode?" Gaara said, testing the waters. Now he felt like he was walking on a very thin ice but somehow, the danger made him want to continue his confessions.

"Huh? You mean... he wasn't crazy when he tried to...?" Naruto trailed off, not really understanding what Gaara meant. "That makes it even more horrible! It's not right, it's illegal! It's good you ran away!"

"...This time," Gaara whispered, not daring to meet Naruto's gaze anymore.

"W-What?" Naruto asked almost unaudibly, totally shocked. Did Gaara mean... Did Kankuro really take advantage of Gaara? That bastard! "How many times...?" he managed to ask. His voice was shaking.

"I don't remember," Gaara said truthfully. Some weird feeling was filling him, like he was drunken of his confession. His heart felt a lot lighter now but a new kind of fear shadowed it. It was the fear of Naruto telling someone.

"H-How l-long?" Naruto asked, his voice shaking even more now. He had fisted his hands and it almost looked like red flashed in his eyes.

"About two to three years now," Gaara whispered, wondering how fast time had fled.

"That means you were only f-fourteen when it began..." Naruto said quietly, his knuckles now white.

"Yeah..."

"I'm gonna go and kick his ass!" Naruto suddenly exploded, letting his anger free. Oh how he wanted to beat Kankuro up, to hurt him and show him how much he despised him! Naruto was disgusted, totally sickened, about how badly Kankuro had treated his precious Gaara. Older brother were meant to protect their younger brothers, not to abuse them!

"No, you're not strong enough! Besides—" Gaara started but was cut off.

"Then we'll go together! Together, we're stonger than him!" Naruto yelled, eager at taking all his anger out on Kankuro who now was nothing but pure evil to him.

"No! He doesn't deserve that... Could you just forget this conversation ever happened?" Gaara muttered, totally in panic now.

Why on earth had he been so stupid to ever tell anyone? God, how stupid he was! He wished he had never told Naruto his secret. He should've foreseen the blond's reaction. Now that Naruto was all defensive, it strangely made Gaara want to stand up for Kankuro, just because he didn't want the blond to speak badly of the brunette. There was so much good in Kankuro that people didn't see.

"Doesn't deserve that? Gaara, in what kind of fantasy world are you living in? He's abused you for years and you say we should let this all be, just like that?"

"Yeah... You see—"

"No I don't see, Gaara! Listen to yourself! Listen! How... how can you think of him like that? He's a monster, a very horrible person," Naruto yelled because of his strong emotions. "He should be in jail or worse! That's what he deserves!" After his outburst he breathed a couple of times and then continued in a much calmer voice.

"Please... Please, Gaara... Why do you defend him? He doesn't deserve that."

"But he does! You have no idea how much good he's done for me!" Gaara said, raising his voice. Deep down, he was hurt that Kankuro was being criticized.

"I... I l-love him! I love him beucause he... He's sacrifised himself for me countless of times. When we were little, he let our uncle do things to him so that I wouldn't end up being abused."

"But you did, eventually! Don't you get that? Don't you see that it's not more right to be abused by your brother than by your uncle? It's wrong, WRONG!" Naruto yelled again, unable to comprehend how his boyfriend defended Kankuro with bright eyes.

"But it's a small price to pay. And don't say it's wrong, I don't want to be a wrongdoer. Besides, Kankuro says that love is never wrong," Gaara said quietly, even though he knew how wrong his and Kankuro's lifestyle was. He just didn't want to say it.

"No Gaara, no. There are cases when love is wrong, okay? And this is one of them. I can assure you that. So please, Gaara, try to see things in my way, in normal way," Naruto tried. He really wanted to make Gaara realize how serious a situation this was.

"I don't care about normal, I never did. Very few things in my childhood could be considered normal. Only when me and Kankuro started living together, things turned better, more normal," Gaara defended.

"Better? How is being forced to... to sex better?" Naruto asked, really not understanding Gaara's train of reasoning.

"You only see that part!" Gaara snapped in a defensive voice. "There's more, there are things you don't know. Kankuro cares about me very deeply and I'd never want anything bad to happen to him. He loves me, he'd die for me! Besides, it's not so wrong between two gay brothers if both want it," Gaara said.

"Oh really?" Naruto said sceptically, frustrated that Gaara was so keenly living in the freaking fantasy world. Just how messed up had Kankuro turned him into? "Look, is that a thought of your own or is it Kankuro's opinion?" Naruto asked, wondering if Gaara really thought that it was somehow more okay between brothers.

"It's my own opinion!" Gaara snapped, hurt that Naruto seemed to think he was like some manipulated victim.

He wasn't manipulated, even though he had believed in some of Kankuro's lies... maybe he still believed in some. And he wondered why he did—maybe it was because life just was easier if he followed his brother's opinions and wishes. That way, they rarely needed to fight.
Oh how he hated fights, even this little "fight" with Naruto now he hated. Was he really so manipulated? He didn't want to be... It sounded so cheap, so weak, pitiful. Maybe... just maybe if he'd try to see things in Naruto's way, he wouldn't be so pitiful anymore? Because he wanted no one's pity, least of all Naruto's.

"...or maybe it was his, I don't remember," Gaara cave in, realizing that maybe some of his opinions were really his brother's.

"Gaara..." Naruto whispered, care and love evident in his blue eyes as he looked at the redhead. "I care about you more than anything else in this world. I love you more than anything. I just want your best, okay? I don't want to hurt you or box you in, I only want to help you. Do you understand?"

A few moments passed in silence as Gaara thought about Naruto's words. Maybe his precious blond was right. Gaara exhaled deeply, feeling his heartbeat return to normal. Before, he had been crazed by fear, afraid because someone had really found out about the abuse. It had been frightening but now when Naruto spoke so softly, things didn't look so scary anymore.

"Yes. I'm sorry, this is all my fault," Gaara said quietly. It was really all his fault, it had to be. "If I hadn't been the way I am, Kankuro would have never wanted to... to be with me. It's my fault that he desires me, I know it. If... if I had been more repulsive, more undesirable, this would have never happened," Gaara confessed, looking down to his lap.

"No... No, Gaara, you're wrong. None of this is your fault, you understand? If there's a culprit, it's your brother. No matter how crazy he is, no matter how hard childhood he's had, it doesn't give him right to abuse his own brother, you got that?" Naruto said patiently, hoping that Gaara would resile the self-accusations. "Do you understand?"

"We're both as guilty," Gaara offered, knowing that there had to be something wrong with him because Kankuro wanted to bed him.

"No, don't give me that okay? There's nothing wrong with you, believe it! It's never your fault what's happened, never. You can be whatever you want to be, and still no one has the right to abuse you. No one," Naruto said firmly, staring at the redhead.

"So are you going to leave me now?" Gaara asked after a brief silence. In his mind, it would be the only logical outcome. No one would love a freak like him, that was for sure. He didn't deserve love, not after what he had let happen to himself.

"W-What? Leave you?" Naruto asked, confused. "Why would I do that?"

"Because I've c-cheated you with Kankuro..." Gaara whispered, slumping his shoulders and looking at his lap.

"Cheated? I... I hardly call this cheating, alright?" Naruto said, surprised at Gaara's way of thinking. "You're being abused, Gaara, you're a victim, okay? You're not cheating anyone." He continued, then stopped to think.

Gaara was still staring at his lap, like he was the greatest sinner in the world.

"Did Kankuro tell you that you're a cheater?" Naruto asked now with a soft, understanding voice.

Alarmed, Gaara turned to look at Naruto, scared how accurate questions the blond asked. Just how much about the truth could Naruto detect just by inspecting him?

"Not exactly..." Gaara started, but continued after a pause, "Well yes he did but he's right."

"No he isn't! You're a victim, nothing more! A victim, do you hear me? Look Gaara, I think you know what I mean but you just don't want to admit it all, am I right?" Naruto asked, looking expectantly at the redhead.

"Hn," was all he got for an answer. Deep in his mind, Gaara did know that partly, he was a victim. He knew how wrong Kankuro had done to him or how the brunette had no right to touch him the way he had. But it was another thing to admit these things to himself, in his mind, silently, when no one was around than to admit them to another person. Somehow, admitting aloud things like 'I'm a victim' made it all sound a hundred time more serious and a million times more wrong...

A long silence fell over them, and only the crackling of the firewood sounded in the quiet livingroom. Naruto tried to think of the right way to act after finding out something this shocking. Now that he knew the truth, a lot of things seemed more clear than before. But what should he do? Should he tell the police? If Kankuro was arrested, he couldn't hurt Gaara anymore. Maybe that would be the best...

"Tomorrow, we're going to the police station and—"

"NO!" Gaara yelled instantly, interrupting the blond.

"Never! No! Please, no! I'll do anything you want but please, not the police! I don't want any more problems for Kankuro, okay? Please!" Gaara begged hysterically, totally out of his normal cool demeanor. Sheer panic shone through his jade eyes as he stared into the deep blue pools of Naruto.

"Well okay..." Naruto said, even though he wasn't sure if he should. "But on two conditions. One, you'll move to live with me here."

Gaara nodded hesitantly, willing to do anything to stop Naruto from going to the police station.

"Two, if he ever hurts you again I'll tell the police right away. Okay?"

"It's a deal then," Gaara said, for he had no options. He wasn't sure if he wanted to move in with Naruto but he had clearly no saying in it, or otherwise Naruto would tell the police.

And that was something that could never happen.

"Look, I'll give you time to think these things over, alright?" Naruto suddenly said. "I think we should have some supper and tea now, it'll calm you down." With these words, Naruto patted Gaara gently on the shoulder and walked into the kitchen.

They ate in silence, but Gaara couldn't get his mind off of the current situation.

--

It was night already, but Gaara couldn't sleep.

Naruto snored loudly next to him, not anymore aware of the worries of the world. Gaara looked outside of the window into the starry, wintry sky and wondered how his brother was. Had Kankuro gotten safely home? Had he had another episode? Hopefully not...

Gaara yawned but couldn't go to sleep. The fear of telling Kankuro the news of moving in with Naruto kept him still awake. And the greater fear, of telling Kankuro that Naruto knew, gnawed at him. Tomorrow, he would have to face his brother and tell the news...

Knowing that he wasn't able to sleep, Gaara got up from the bed and walked to Naruto's drawer. He took out the blond's mp3-player and went into the livingroom. To his luck, Naruto also seemed to be a fan of Garbage, Gaara's favorite band, and in the mp3-player there were many songs of that band.

Listening to "Why do you love me" got Gaara thinking about their earlier conversation again. Naruto had said he wouldn't leave him, but how could he not? Gaara saw himself as disgusting, two-faced cheater and couldn't understand why someone as cheerful and sunny as Naruto could ever love someone like him.

"Why do you love me?" Gaara half-whispered, half sang in the darkness of the livingroom.

The cinders in the fireplace were still glowing a little, the only light in the darkness.

Just like Naruto was to him, Gaara thought.

--

A/N: In the forest, Kankuro had shoes and jacket on because he was quick enough to put them on before he left the house. Besides, he has longer legs so it was easy for him to catch up Gaara, who had only slippery socks slowing him down.

In the next chapter Temari visits Kankuro and Gaara. :P