Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: March 8th 2006, Wednesday
second version: July 22nd 2008, Tuesday

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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12: One sick guy

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On the night between Sunday and Monday, Sasuke woke with a burning urge to throw up. He made it halfway to the bathroom before he did.

The walk down the stairs in the morning was a struggle. Sasuke’s stomach was all over the place, his head was hurting, his feet acted funny and he was shaking with cold. Why the hell had he decided to go downstairs? He could have just waited for Kakashi to come and tell him he was late. Was it a stubborn pride thing? He should seriously consider having a talk about that with the old lady when they met next time. Sasuke held onto the railing with both hands and it was still a miracle he made it down without falling.

Kakashi’s morning pop music from the radio cut through Sasuke’s ears worse than usual as he wobbled from the bottom of the stairs to the kitchen doorway, wishing all the way he had something to hold onto. The smell of breakfast clashed horribly with his upset stomach and it took all of his gathered willpower to keep from rushing for the bathroom.

“Finally up, huh?” Kakashi said and it sounded like he was far away. “I was worried you’d stay home again.”

With a viselike grip on the doorframe Sasuke heaved his shivering, weak and wobbly self into the kitchen and attempted a glare at the bastard at the table.

“I’m not going,” he breathed.

“Come on, Sasuke, we’ve talked about this. If you don’t…”

The sentence was cut off as Kakashi finally turned, his facial expression going from frustrated, to surprised, to seriously worried.

“Hey… Are you alright?”

“You stupid asshole,” Sasuke winced, wobbled, took a better grip on the doorframe and steadied himself. “I’ve been… puking all night.”

“I’ll call your teacher,” Kakashi said, the worrying frown not leaving his face. “You shouldn’t be out of bed, Sasuke, you look...”

“On my way,” Sasuke grunted and managed to turn himself around without falling. A surge of nausea rushed through him and he closed his eyes, his thoughts screaming at his stomach to wait until he got upstairs and could use the already contaminated bathroom. Lifting the lids again Sasuke grabbed a hold of the bottom of the stairs and the railing with his eyes. ‘You can do this,’ he told himself. ‘Just breathe.’

He breathed. Kakashi said something but Sasuke couldn’t quite make out what it was. ‘Talk’ something, or maybe ‘walk’. Who cared? The hammering of Sasuke’s head was too loud and he was too focused on making the walk to the railing.

If he hadn’t been so weak and nauseous Sasuke would have yelped as his feet were whisked from the floor and the world suddenly turned; then he would have delivered a well-deserved curse to the bastard responsible and punched him. As it was Sasuke just gave a whine and then he threw up. The only comfort was that he was tipped in the direction of the floor when he did it. His throat burned and he coughed.

“There now,” Kakashi’s voice was close and soft. He wiped Sasuke’s mouth off with his sleeve and Sasuke whined again, tried to squirm away but the world was still spinning. “Don’t think about that. Let’s just get you back upstairs.”

Kakashi kept talking as they went up the stairs and his frowning, worried face against the ceiling was the last thing Sasuke saw before his eyes drifted shut.

“Silly, stubborn teenager, you shouldn’t walk around when you’re sick, you’re pale as a sheet. And where does all that food you eat go, huh? You weigh less than a five-year-old. Impossible, stubborn teenager. I’m calling in sick too, someone needs to take care of you.”

-

Kakashi had rung the doorbell on Iruka’s house a couple of hours before lunch the day before. Sasuke had been packed and ready to leave, just muttering thanks to Iruka for letting him stay there before stalking out.

As soon as they were inside their own house and the door was closed Sasuke had started yelling at Kakashi for making him sleep two nights at practically a stranger’s house, for not letting him know earlier, for threatening his CDs, for fucking up his life, for being born. He had been well aware that he was overreacting and was being stupid, but he hadn’t cared.

When his yelling was over, Sasuke had left for his room, not wanting an explanation or apology or any other kind of response from Kakashi. He had slammed the door and spent the day smoking inside in rebellion and listening to music louder than usual; had not come out until dinner. All Kakashi’s attempts at conversation had been ignored.

And today it was fine. Sasuke could vaguely remember promising himself that he would stay angry for a long time this time, but there was not a trace of that feeling now. He must have puked it out at some point during the night.

Kakashi didn’t hold a grudge either, of course; never really did. And even if he had been the type, who could stay angry at someone lying shivering in their bed with a puke bucket at arms reach?

Most of Monday Sasuke slept or wished he was asleep. Kakashi left the TV and came upstairs now and then, bringing painkillers, water or juice or cloths soaked with cold water. One time he came with soup and managed to convince Sasuke to try and eat some. It didn’t stay eaten very long. At some point later in the day, Sasuke woke up by the faint ringing of the doorbell. His head was pounding too loud for him to hear anything beyond that bell ringing, but he immediately guessed who it was. Stupid, stalking, retard... Naruto.

‘He’s in love with me.’

Sasuke cringed, squeezed his eyes shut.

He felt better. It shouldn’t be possible to call the headache he had ‘better’ but it was. Slightly better. It would seem the probably not legal dose of painkillers Kakashi had brought and forced on Sasuke the last time he came upstairs had worked. His stomach had calmed down somewhat too; had probably, finally realized there wasn’t anything left to kick out. It was great, feeling better, at the same time as it wasn’t. Less headache and nausea to struggle with meant room for more thoughts and Sasuke wasn’t very good friends with thoughts at the moment.

He didn’t know what to do with the weekend that had just passed. He wanted to forget it had ever happened and he tried but it just kept creeping back; had almost driven him crazy the day before, despite loud music. The unconsciousness he’d spent most of this Monday in had been a welcome relief in a way, as had the ailments themselves because they distracted him.

While unfair, since technically he was the one that had started things (stupid retard brain...), Sasuke also wanted to kick Naruto’s ass for doing what he had done. Pull himself together, wobble down the stairs and kick his ass before he left, and before Sasuke had to puke again. It might infect the retard too. He wanted Naruto to suffer through these shivers, the headache and the puking. Did kissing transfer...?

Sasuke scrunched up his face and tried to will the effect of the painkillers out of his system. Consciousness and his brain did not match at the moment. The same illness that plagued his body must have screwed something up in there. It had probably started on Friday, that was why he’d come up with that fucking kiss-him-to-make-him-hate-me idea. On Saturday and Sunday it had stewed and rendered him unable to get the memory of those lips and that tongue out of his head. That had to be it. There was no other reason why such a bad kisser and idiot would affect Sasuke so much. He was just sick.

Sasuke flinched when a knock fell on the door to his room. His heart started pounding and he held his breath.

“Sasuke? Are you awake?” At the sound of Kakashi’s voice Sasuke let the breath out and closed his eyes in relief. If the blond had been let into the house... Sasuke didn’t know what he’d do.

“No,” he grumbled, knowing that unfortunately neither silence nor ‘yes’ would make the man go away. The relief that had come with finding out there was no unwanted blond outside his door was short lived, as a nervousness slowly rose within Sasuke. The blond had been there, hadn’t he? Just before. Who else could it have been? He must have talked with Kakashi and said something and... For some reason, just the thought of that made Sasuke’s heart thump harder. Damned sick body...

The door opened and Kakashi’s mop of grey hair showed up, a soft smile on his face. There was something gleaming in his eyes however that told Sasuke that he didn’t want to hear it, whatever it was.

“I come bearing gifts,” the man stepped inside and Sasuke noticed a book and some papers under his arm. Kakashi held up the things and his smile grew. “Homework! Naruto-kun wants me to tell you to get well fast.”

Sasuke sighed. Kakashi left the homework on the desk then came to sit on the edge of the bed. The mattress sunk down with his weight. His hand came to feel Sasuke’s forehead.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better,” Sasuke grumbled and squirmed away. “Stop that.”

“Hungry?” Kakashi stopped.

“No,” Sasuke snorted. “What time is it?”

“Four thirty. You should try to eat something again if you feel better.”

“I said no.”

It was quiet for a while. Kakashi watched Sasuke, now and then lifting his hand to fiddle with something; a strand of Sasuke’s messy hair, the comforter, something on the nightstand.

“Can I get you anything else?” he asked eventually. Sasuke got the feeling that he’d been running over potential conversation topics in his head, only to come up with nothing.

“No,” Sasuke said first, but the look on Kakashi’s face changed his mind. “Maybe some water.”

Kakashi smiled.

“Alright. More painkillers?”

“Just water.”

They could talk later. Sasuke knew there were things left to say, about the day before and everything, but now was not the time.

Kakashi ruffled his hair, softer than he used to. Then he got up, picked the almost empty water glass from the nightstand and headed for the door.

“Naruto said he’d stop by tomorrow with more homework,” he said before leaving. “Do you want me to tell him something?”

Sasuke shook his head.

“No.”

“Alright,” Kakashi said, after a moment of silence. Then he left and closed the door.

Only after he was gone Sasuke remembered that that wasn’t true. He wanted Kakashi to tell Naruto to leave him alone.

-

Tuesday was pretty much the same as Monday, only Sasuke refused to take Kakashi’s special painkiller concoction again. He lied and said he worried for his brain cells. Kakashi smiled at the joke and the lie and didn’t push the matter. Sasuke was sleeping when Naruto came home from school and rung the doorbell this time. The low stack of homework had grown a bit when he woke up.

On Wednesday Sasuke felt better. When he could, he moved around in the house, not as wobbly anymore, ate some or listened to music. Once he joined Kakashi at the TV, instead of just listening to the muffled sound of it through the floor. Sasuke still slept a lot though, and still puked. His mind was still annoying when it came to the weekend and Naruto. He was awake this time when the blond rung the doorbell and conscious enough that he heard muffled voices talk. Naruto was holding back on his yelling. Sasuke pretended to sleep when Kakashi came up the stairs with more homework and asked if he wanted something.

On Thursday Kakashi went to work. It was funny and a bit scary how one turned-off TV could make a house feel so much emptier. Sasuke hadn’t realized how much that muffled sound seeping up through the floor had meant. No one came and asked if he wanted water or juice or came with cold, moist towels. But Sasuke felt much better on Thursday, so it probably would have been weird anyway.

He sat down to do get the homework on his desk out of the way some time after lunch. Despite what everyone thought because of his grades, Sasuke was usually pretty lazy with homework. He had good grades, but not because he studied a lot. But the small stack of books and papers kept drawing his attention.

It was when he opened the second book that the piece of paper fluttered out. He failed to grab onto it in the air and watched it land on the floorboard. Sasuke frowned. It was lined and looked ripped out from a notebook; not something he remembered putting there. He leaned down, picked it up and turned it.

‘Hi, Sasuke! I hope you’re getting better and that…’

Sasuke’s body got cold and then hot. Bad handwriting, traces of the three first letters of ‘bastard’, written and then erased, could be seen behind the exclamation mark. It was definitely not from a teacher.

Sasuke scrunched up the note and tossed it away. Damned retard blond hiding notes in Sasuke’s books. Sasuke didn’t want to read anything he had written. He didn’t want to see him, hear him speak or talk to him. Sasuke snarled and kicked at the desk. His brain had just been starting to behave too. Stupid.

His frustrating thoughts were interrupted as the doorbell rang and Sasuke flinched and grew hot and cold again, for a moment forgetting what time it was. Then he remembered and frowned. He didn’t think Naruto would skip school just so that he could go bother Sasuke a few hours earlier than usual. He didn’t think Naruto would dare skip at all; found it very hard to believe that Iruka would accept it.

The bell rang again. It could be just a salesman, Sasuke supposed. No need to open the door then. He realized he couldn’t think of anyone it could be that he would want to open the door for and turned back to the still opened second book of homework. History. Just reading.

It would be Naruto eventually though. Sasuke couldn’t imagine the blond failing to show up just because Kakashi wasn’t there to answer the door. If he even knew Kakashi wasn’t there, and how could he?

The bell rang a third time, but this one was special. It rang nonstop, like someone held the button down. Sasuke straightened up in the chair and his eyes widened in surprise. No... It couldn’t be.

He got out of the chair, went over to the window to look out even though he knew you couldn’t see the door from there. He left the room then and hurried down the stairs, ignoring his body’s complaints, because it couldn’t be, but he knew no one else who would ring the bell like that.

Sasuke arrived: the door was unlocked and ripped open. It couldn’t be. But it was.

“Shikamaru?”

“Yo.”

The guy on the porch lifted a hand as if swearing an oath. It was not a particularly sunny day but Sasuke still had to squint when facing the brightness of the outside.

But it was Shikamaru. He wore his usual bored expression and his usual bigger-than-Sasuke’s headphones around his neck. His hair was the same and his clothes were the same.

“What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a guy come visit his friend?”

“It’s Thursday.”

“So?”

Sasuke opened his mouth to answer but realized he didn’t know what to say. Indeed, ‘so?’ But seeing his friend in this place, against the perfect neighborhood background had Sasuke thinking about polar bears in the desert and giraffes at the North Pole. Or turtles, as this was Shikamaru. It made the world and this place feel surreal and at the same time more real than it had ever been. In a way Sasuke felt like he’d been slapped out of a dream.

“What’s wrong with you?” Shikamaru frowned. “You look like shit.”

“I’m sick,” Sasuke frowned too as he remembered and took a step back. “I’ve been puking for days; I’m not letting you catch it.”

Shikamaru sighed and gave Sasuke his ‘you are such a bother’ look.

“Whatever, it’s fine. Come on, just let me in, I’ve been on the bus for hours.”

“No way,” Sasuke shook his head. “I’m telling you, it’s a fucking horrible bug, you don’t want it.”

“Maybe I’ve already had it?”

“You have not, you stupid liar.”

Sasuke pulled at the door to close it but Shikamaru was faster and stuck a foot in. Then he flashed forward, grabbed a hold of Sasuke’s neck and kissed him. No hesitation, no fuss, tongue not shy; as if he didn’t know what ‘puking for days’ meant. But he found out. Shikamaru made a face afterwards and spat onto the lawn.

“Shit...” he muttered and wiped his mouth with a sleeve. “Can you let me in now?”

Sasuke shook his head and let the door open.

“You’re insane.”

“Thank you,” Shikamaru said and stepped inside. “You taste like vomit.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Sasuke snickered.

It was Shikamaru. Sasuke hadn’t seen or talked to his closest friend for almost three weeks.

-

They ended up on Sasuke’s bed with a cup of coffee for Shikamaru and a glass of orange juice for Sasuke. Sasuke had showed off his bookcase and Shikamaru had agreed that it was the coolest thing since headphones. He had admired the view, commenting on how green everything was and Sasuke had frowned and said he hadn’t noticed. Now they were just talking.

Sasuke still couldn’t shake the feeling that this was real now. It could have been a dream twenty minutes ago, but now it was real. Sasuke was happy to see his friend, but at the same time he felt horribly sad.

“Sorry I haven’t called,” Sasuke said. “It’s just been... messy.”

“That’s alright,” Shikamaru sipped his coffee. “I figured.”

“It’s not alright, I should have called.”

“You can call now.”

“Yeah.”

Shikamaru was Sasuke’s closest friend, simply because they hung out together the most and got along the best. Sasuke knew a lot of people in the city and had others he could call ‘friend’, but Shikamaru was special. They had lived on the same street and been in the same class and had used to do pretty much everything together.

Shikamaru was the laziest person Sasuke knew, and he was crazy smart. If Sasuke could get good grades without really studying, Shikamaru could get top grades without even showing up for class. Well, unless attendance counted and if it was the right subject. He listened to more metal than Sasuke did, but still their taste in music was similar.

“You hate it, don’t you?” Shikamaru said. “Here.”

“Yeah,” Sasuke’s voice was drenched in ‘duh’. “It’s pathetic. Didn’t you see the lawns? You could eat off them.”

“So? You couldn’t eat off Neji’s lawns?”

“That’s not the same thing,” Sasuke frowned.

“You’re right,” Shikamaru said. “His lawns may be perfect, but the air there will still kill you, unlike here. My lungs got a shock when I stepped off the bus.”

“They did not.”

“Sure they did,” Shikamaru said. He drank more coffee and peered at Sasuke over the cup. “Why don’t you try to lighten up about this? I don’t think Kakashi is going to change his mind.”

“This is not my home,” Sasuke said, but it sounded odd this time, forced. Something had changed and it wasn’t because Shikamaru was here; that had just made it easier to see. Most of Sasuke’s moving boxes were already unpacked.

“So what?” Shikamaru sighed. “There are buses, and phones. Besides, how many years until you’re eighteen and can move back on your own?”

Just about three years. Sasuke hadn’t thought about it like that.

“Come on,” Shikamaru said. “Just let Kakashi have this. He’s worried about you.”

“He’s overreacting,” Sasuke mumbled.

“No, he’s not.”

For a moment it was silent and half of Sasuke wished he was alone so he could cry. It all just felt too reasonable when Shikamaru said it.

“You don’t want me back?” Sasuke could have sighed at his own patheticness, but he needed something to argue with, anything. Shikamaru didn’t sigh.

“I’d rather be forced to take the bus to see you and know you’re here, than having you a couple of minutes walk away and worrying every time you go out with your “friends”.

Sasuke sighed and looked away.

“You’re overreacting.”

“No,” Shikamaru said. “I’m not.”

Then he sipped some more coffee. Sasuke sat silent, cradling his juice in his hands. A car drove past the house, much slower than the cars that ran past houses in the city.

“You were in on it, weren’t you?” Sasuke said eventually. “The move.”

“I guess. I told Kakashi it was a good idea.”

“Some friend,” Sasuke muttered. He should get angry, but he didn’t. For some reason he didn’t.

Sasuke had never been too concerned with what was generally accepted as being good for you. He smoked and he drank, skipped school from time to time, fought and came home late. Shikamaru did those things too, though he only smoked occasionally. But lately, ‘some time before the move’ lately, Sasuke had been hanging out more and more with some other friends. There had been more drinking, more skipping school, more fighting; coming home early in the morning instead of late.

They weren’t bad people, those other friends, at least Sasuke didn’t think so; they were just even more reckless and unconcerned with what was generally accepted as being good for you. Kakashi did not like them however and had told Sasuke on several occasions that he should not spend time with them, giving colorful explanations why. Shikamaru had warned him too. Not that Sasuke had listened. They were overreacting.

“So who gave you the note?” Shikamaru asked and pulled Sasuke away from his thoughts.

“What? W-what note?” he said. Both the change of subject and the mention of the note had startled him. Shikamaru’s questioning look turned into an amused smile.

“You’ve been looking at that scrunched up note there on the floor,” he said. “Can’t seem to take your eyes off it.”

“I... I have not been looking at it,” Sasuke snorted. That was ridiculous.

“Oh, and now you’re blushing.”

“I am not blushing,” Sasuke protested, because of course he wasn’t.

“Right, so who gave it to you?” Shikamaru poked Sasuke’s ribs with a toe.

“It’s nothing. Stop that!” he swatted the foot away. “A guy in school has been dropping off homework and left a ‘get better’ note, that’s it. Why did you ring the door this early anyway? You didn’t know I was sick.”

“I knew you were sick,” Shikamaru said. “I went by your school before I came here. And you’re changing the subject. Tell me more about this guy.”

“He’s just a guy! You came to school?”

“Yeah. Now tell me about the guy.”

“Wha... I’m telling you he’s just a guy.” Sasuke sighed but the look in Shikamaru’s eyes said he would not accept it. “He’s a retard, Kakashi’s flirting with his dad, he’s blond, he’s... stalking me.”

“He gave you that black eye?”

“What...?” Sasuke felt the area, but it wasn’t tender anymore. “What makes you think it was Naruto?”

“Because apparently he gets to you,” Shikamaru said and finished his coffee, put the cup on the nightstand. “He stalks you, you punch him, he punches back. Naruto, was it? You like him.”

“What? No!” Sasuke protested. “I punched him so I like him? What happened to the note?”

“He stalks you into punching him, but he’s not in a coma and you’re not arrested.” Shikamaru raised a brow. “Then there’s the note and the blushing.”

“He talked to you in school?” Sasuke’s eyes narrowed.

“No,” the friend snorted. “You’re looking at it again.”

Sasuke snapped his gaze back to Shikamaru and snarled.

“You’re so fucking annoying.”

“I can’t wait to meet this guy.”

“You’re not meeting him,” Sasuke muttered. “And I don’t like him.”

Had Shikamaru been this frustratingly insightful before the move? Sasuke decided not to mention the kisses.

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