Moon's Light, Reality's Dream

Author's Note: Thank you for all of the views! We really appreciate them. Thanks for reading! We hope you're all doing well.

Our amazing friend, Fumiko, who is a brilliant manga artist, has been gracious enought to work with us. We have a preview of a sketch she did for this story that shows, in order: Kakashi, Nisei, Kouki, Yomi, Hitori, and Gaara.

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q157/grrlshadow/anbusketch.jpg

We'll post another link once it's colored. ^_~

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Moon's Light, Reality's Dream
月の光、うつつの夢
Chapter Eleven - Butterflyキャッチャー (Butterfly Catcher)

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羽無き蝶　落ちるImageを
The image of a falling butterfly without wings
現実の孤独は耐え難い
The solitude of reality is unbearable

Hitori stared at the closed door to the Kazekage's office, shifting nervously from foot to foot. She knew she should go in, but she wasn't sure she was ready to face him yet. Her thoughts went in troubling directions every time she remembered the events of the previous day. As she reached hesitantly to open the door, her hand trembled a little.

"Ne, Inu-face! I've been looking for you." Kankurou bounded up beside her and wrapped a hand around her arm. "Come on." He started dragging her off before she could order her thoughts enough to even attempt a protest.

"Where are we going?" Her eyes widened, and then narrowed to slits, as they stepped out into the bright sunlight. He stopped once they were just outside the door.

"I've got a mission and I thought you might want to tag along...?" Without giving her a chance to respond, his grip tightened a little on her arm and he started running, heading straight for the open desert.

'Why not?' Hitori thought, as she increased her pace to keep from being dragged. 'It's not like I have anything better to do.' She felt an odd sense of relief mixed with disappointment at the thought of not having to deal with Gaara for awhile. It was all such a confusing mess in her mind, she wondered how she'd ever be able to make sense of it.

Gaara looked out of the window of his office with one arm draped across his body, the opposite elbow resting on it, and his hand curled against his cheek, one finger touching his temple. The expression on his face was completely unreadable as he watched his brother and the Anbu shrinking into the distant sand. When he could no longer distinguish their figures through the shimmering heat haze, he returned to his desk and leaned back in the chair with a sigh.

He'd kissed her - without warning, without even thinking about it. It just seemed the right thing to do, at the time. Maybe it wasn't much of a kiss, but that instant of contact loomed large in his thoughts. Part of him resented his brother's intrusions, both yesterday and today, while another part felt a small amount of relief. He hadn't been given a chance to gauge her reaction, other than surprise. The last thing he wanted to do was add to her confusion or frighten her even more, especially now that he was so sure what he wanted.

Certainly Kankurou was only trying to help, since it was obvious he cared for the girl in his own way, but Gaara felt that keeping Hitori away would just make things harder. The only way she was going to learn to deal with her emotions was to face them, to face him. His fingers rested lightly against his lower lip as his eyes slowly closed, and he idly wondered what sort of premise Kankurou had used to lure the Anbu out of the Kazekage building.

After several hours of following Kankurou aimlessly through the sand, the idea that they were only going in circles started to bloom in Hitori's mind. When they came across an outcropping of large rocks, she stopped and waited for him to notice that she was no longer following, her arms folded over her chest as she sat on one of the boulders.

Kankurou turned and raised an eyebrow at her. "We aren't going to get anywhere if you're just going to sit there."

"Where, exactly, is 'there,' kabuki boy?" she asked calmly, her eyes staying locked to his face, looking for any sign of deception.

"One of the smaller villages on the border has sent a report of having some trouble with a band of rogue ninja." His words came too fast, and she noticed his face turning a light shade of pink before he turned away to glance at the horizon. "I decided we should go check it out."

"Really? Because it seems to me that we're only going in circles." She rose to her feet, her arms falling to hang at her sides again as she slowly advanced towards him. "Would you like to tell me the real reason we've been running uselessly through the same few miles of desert?"

With a heavy sigh, Kankurou eased himself down onto a rock. "I guess I figured you could maybe use a little time away, and this seemed like the easiest way to do it." His black eyes finally raised to meet her stony green gaze. "The last couple of days have been... crazy."

Hitori settled onto a smaller rock beside him and drew her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them as she wrapped her arms around her legs. Kankurou had seen them yesterday, she remembered. At the time, she'd been too overwhelmed by her thoughts and feelings to really pay much attention. "Are you my guardian, now?" The amount of scorn she put into the phrase surprised even her.

"No," he answered simply, turning away to stare uncomfortably at the sand under his feet. "But I am lousy at talking about this sort of thing."

"What sort of thing?" Her eyes narrowed as she watched him, her face staying calm, but inside her heart was beating frantically and her mind threatened to bury her beneath a mountain of questions. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted answers to most of those questions.

He turned to look at her, his eyes almost searching hers for a long moment before he answered. "I'm talking about the bond forming between you and my brother." The wind picked up for a moment, slinging sand around and forcing them to raise their scarves over their faces.

Hitori was thankful for the forced silence, unsure of how to respond to Kankurou's words. If anyone knew Gaara at all, it was his brother. The questions he was leading her to all had answers that sent terror jolting through her entire body once more. These feelings were for other people, not her. Before this mess, the path of her life had been clear and comforting in her mind. She would live and die as an Anbu Root - no more, no less. Everything had twisted and obscured the moment she first laid eyes on Sabaku no Gaara.

"The Kazekage..." she started, but Kankurou turned to her suddenly and grabbed her hard by the shoulders, an odd expression on his face.

"Say his name." He leaned close to her, an intense look in his eyes as he stared straight into hers. "Calling him by his title is safe, right? It objectifies him and doesn't provoke an emotional response. I want to hear you say his name." His hands tightened before he shook her just a little. "I don't think you can."

It felt like the breath had been driven from her body. Anger flooded through her as she shrugged off his hands and stood, turning towards Sunagakure. "I'm going back."

Kankurou stayed where he was, watching her slowly walking away before he stood and stretched. "You'll just have to face him once you're there. If you don't go looking for him, he'll come to you. It's inevitable." He yawned a little, then began walking leisurely after her.

She didn't bother to reply, or even look to see if he was following, focusing instead on putting one foot in front of the other, on getting back. Thinking about what would happen when she got there could wait. Her speed increased as she tried to fight off the confusion. A memory of Yomi took it's place, and she sank into it gratefully.

'Aaah, Hitori chan. Love is a beautiful thing.'

Yomi practically fluttered into the room, falling dramatically onto his bed and heaving a happy sigh, his hands clenched together over his chest. He turned dreamy brown eyes towards her, unable to stop the ridiculously large smile that was plastered all over his face. Hitori knew she was in for the latest chapter of Yomi's insane personal life. Every other week he was 'falling in love' with some new girl. The whole idea of love, at least what she heard of it through Yomi's ramblings, seemed ludicrous to her.

"I met her in the tea house we stopped at after the last mission. Do you remember? That beautiful, tiny little thing with light brown hair?" He sighed again, his eyes closing as his smile got even bigger. "Her name is Kazumi. It fits her, don't you think?"

He knew she wouldn't answer him, as a matter of fact, she was barely looking at him, but he continued on and on, cheerfully listing every amazing characteristic of his new love. Hitori was the perfect partner and room mate. Her fighting abilities were unparalleled and she never interrupted his tedious diatribes. What more could a man ask for?

Hitori turned to him when he finally paused for longer than it took to draw in breath. "Yomi san, is love such a small thing?"

Surprise wiped the smile off of his face, and he sat up slowly, regarding her with a serious look in his eyes. "Love is a very complicated thing." He idly scratched his head, trying to decide how to explain something like this to his naive partner. "I suppose I sometimes use the word 'love' rather lightly. It's easy to get caught up in the happiness from meeting and spending time with someone who is special to you." She nodded slowly, and he wondered if she really thought she understood. "I haven't found the right person yet, but I am always hopeful that I will." He watched her carefully, while pretending not to, as he continued on. "Someday, you will, too."

Hitori's jade eyes opened wide for a long moment, before she shook her head. "That's not part of my future." Laying back on her bed, she folded her arms beneath her head and let her eyes close, deciding the conversation was over. She would ponder his curious ways until sleep claimed her, as she always did when Yomi rambled about something.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Hitori chan. Love has a strange way of finding you, even if you're not looking for it." Yomi leaned back and picked up the book from his bedside table. He held it open in front of his face, but he didn't even really see the pages. Her words made him sad. A life without love seemed a bleak existence to him. At that moment he decided he would do everything he could to draw her out of the unfeeling, lifeless state Danzou had thrust her into. She deserved a better future than that.

When Yomi stopped speaking, Hitori turned to glance at him. It was unusual for her verbose partner to be silent if they weren't out on a mission. He even talked in his sleep. The book in front of his face had a brilliant picture of a butterfly drawn on it's cover, crimson and purple wings spread wide...

Remembering the book cover snapped her fully back to reality a few hundred feet from the door to the Kazekage tower. Her eyes were raised slowly to the window of Gaara's office, almost as if her gaze was being pulled. The shadowy outline of a body disappeared just a moment after she focused on it. It was too far away to see who it actually was, but only one person would be looking out of that window at this time of day.

Was he angry with her, she wondered, as she forced herself to cross the remaining distance. The memory of Yomi's words had taken on a haunting quality in her mind, repeating as she climbed the stairs in the semi-darkness. She wasn't afraid, but her heart was beating as if trying to force it's way out of her chest. The door loomed before her all too soon, seeming to take on an almost menacing air, forcing her to stop. Hitori leaned back against the opposite wall, trying to order her thoughts before going in, but she wasn't given the chance.

Gaara stood in the doorway, watching her silently. He found it a little odd that she'd returned without Kankurou, but was loathe to ask her for a reason. If he hadn't been at the window when they left, he would never have known she'd departed in the first place, unless he'd gone looking for her.

"You're late. I expected you several hours ago." He sighed softly, his tone carrying just a shred of disappointment. She stiffened against the wall, but kept her eyes on the floor. A few small steps brought him close to her, barely a hand's width away. The dark smell of the desert clung to her, mixed with the fragrance of the small flowers that grew in the nearby oasis. Somehow, it suited her perfectly.

"It won't happen again." Her head raised slowly to meet his eyes. "I am sorry... Gaara san."

He stared at her, managing to keep his face somewhat blank, but caught off guard by her words. She'd always addressed him by his title before, and it made him wonder exactly what Kankurou said to her. He settled a hand softly on her waist as he moved to the side. "Come into the office. It's past time to eat and... you have a visitor."

She flushed lightly at the contact, her eyes lowering before his words actually registered. Who would be visiting her in Sunagakure? Glancing back up at him questioningly, she let him lead her to the doorway. He moved a little closer to her, and she couldn't stop herself from remembering how it felt to be in his arms. Her feet stopped as she turned towards him, forgetting about the mysterious visitor as their eyes met again.

"Well, isn't this cozy?"

Startled, she nearly jumped as her head snapped to the side to see Yomi leaning against Gaara's desk, one hand on the dark wooden surface behind him, propping him up. He grinned at her, showing all of his teeth, and he even waved a little before his face grew serious.

"We need to talk, Hitori chan."

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Everything felt like it was out of order. Nisei couldn’t pin down any particular oddity, but the feeling sat there in the back of her mind like a thunder cloud. She found herself spending more time at Kakashi’s house than she did at her own. Her mind rationalized it as needing to do something about his lazy, obnoxious way of living. He would never get better in these conditions. The large amount of food stocked in the fridge and on the shelves would hopefully leave the desired impression: that it feels good to have food within easy reach. Maybe he would keep up with the routine of buying things, but it was highly unlikely to happen while he was ill. Until he was well again, she’d take care of the things he needed without being asked.

The last time she walked into his room had been a nerve wracking experience, so this time she was cautious and waited until he went to shower. Kakashi left his sanctuary a mess, and with the windows always closed, she didn’t question why the apartment was constantly stuffy. The second phase of helping Kakashi was to clean. He didn’t see much of her previous progress through his clutter, as he rarely left this room, and didn't know about any of the cleaning. She didn’t want to risk him stopping her. It was good that he took indecently long showers. Determined to finish before he emerged, she started to pick up his books. Bookcases were a border around the four walls of his room. Shelf by shelf she filled up the space with the scattered tomes.

“That’s odd…”

She tapped a finger in the space where there should have been another volume of ‘Echi Echi Paradise’ then turned to look around the room. Without all those books on the floor, it looked spotless. Her eyes fell on the bed, the only hiding spot available. She removed the sheets and put them in the basket beside her. No sign of the book. The more she looked and found nothing, the more she suspicious she became. Perhaps Kakashi was capable of trickery. A worried frown creased her face. Outsmarting him might prove difficult, and simply demanding he give her the book would get her nothing at all, except maybe an argument.

Not that Kakashi ever argued.

It was possible, she supposed, that he really didn't have the book. She remade the bed with the new sheets, trying not to think about the way she'd last seen him laying here, and tied the old ones in a bag to take out to be washed. The Jonin had no real possessions. Three photos sat in frames on his bedside table: one of his recent team, one of his team as a child, and one of the old Anbu force. Nisei paused as she lifted the last photo and glanced over it. The crowd of emotionless, grim faces nearly made her laugh. They all took themselves so seriously. She remembered that day clearly. For the picture she'd made a point of remaining next to Kouki, afraid of being near her newly assigned sensei.

He had the same lazy expression as always on his face, with his Anbu mask to the side. She'd kept hers in her hands, so nervous she couldn’t find a comfortable position to stand in. Then the camera flashed and she was permanently captured with her eyes drifting towards Kakashi. She set the picture back down and glared at nothing in particular. Of course she'd been looking at him, and of course he had the monumental proof of it, though she was sure he’d never noticed.

Biting her lip, she absently wondered if he ever had noticed, turning when the door to the bathroom abruptly opened. A towel covered half of the top of his head and half of his neck when he looked up from the floor. She was thankful that this time he was wearing a shirt, since she'd prefer to not repeat the awkward moments from when he was sleeping - her, gawking like an idiot. He should be able to lay there without clothing on, sick in his bed. She really didn't have the right to say anything about it, not that he would listen anyway. It was his apartment.

He glanced around, taking in the work she'd done in the bedroom. “What possessed you to clean a man’s room?” It was a relief that he didn't sound angry or irritated, just slightly curious. The fact that she was relieved annoyed her more than a little.

“More like a man's entire apartment,” Nisei laughed while tucking a few loose strands of her black hair behind her ear, looking away nervously. “I was bored and decided to reorganize. I didn’t fail to notice that a book is missing." Her eyebrow raised as her golden eyes roamed the room. "Would you happen to know where it could be?”

He slowly shook his head at her, sliding the towel from his shoulders. A definite smirk set on his face, which he didn't even bother trying to hide, said otherwise. The look in those lazy eyes was turning into something different, something that she couldn’t place, since she was seeing it for the first time. He answered in a slightly bored tone. “Not that I can recall.”

“So the odd shape of the back pocket of those pants you’re wearing…” She stood up straight, eyeing the book shaped outline, which was drawing her eyes like a bulls eye. “…is totally unrelated?”

“Hai.”

The friendly eye-crease didn’t fool her, and she practically lunged for the book. Just as her hand closed over his pocket, he caught her wrist, the action consequentially pulling her forcefully against him. His chest felt warm, the heat of his skin from the shower penetrating through the light fabric of his shirt, and hers. He even smelled comfortable, like clean laundry and soap. Then reality rudely snapped her back into place. She was still grabbing his backside firmly, what with his hand holding her wrist so tightly, keeping her from removing it. Her face colored a light red as she brought her free hand up and closed it around the arm that was pinning her in place.

“Give me the book! You can’t read in your condition. It worsens the vertigo. Don’t you care?” His response was to let her go, which sent her flailing backwards, completely off balance. Her body bounced once on the bed, and she looked up in surprise to see him hovering over her. His grin grew wider beneath the material of his mask, quickly turning her into a flustered mess. It was a side of Nisei he’d seen many times before, and one he was frankly starting to enjoy.

“I’m afraid that’s asking a bit much, Nisei-chan, so I will respectfully decline your request.” She leaned up on her elbows, about to lecture him again when his hand pressed against her just above her chest, forcing her gently back down. His voice grew softer, “I’m not quite finished yet. There is something I’ve been meaning to speak with you about, but I've kept silent, knowing you’ll run from the topic.” His expression had grown quietly serious and thoughtful. "The time to discuss it has come."

She only grew more impatient and angry under his touch. Her heart was beating frantically, and in her flustered condition it didn’t take much to hold her down. The way he was treating her was humiliating. After several long moments of silence, and finally accepting that she wouldn’t be able to escape this, she calmed herself, settling down on the bed. With a hum of approval, he gently straddled her waist, making certain that she couldn’t move before he continued. Her eyes closed as his added weight caused her to sink lower in the bed.

“Maa…” He leaned up straight, tangling the fingers of one hand in his wet hair, and smiling at her sheepishly. “That kiss the other night... I figured that we should get to the bottom of its intentions.”

“That was your doing not mine, and I don’t care! Get off of me.” His eyes narrowed, realizing that she was still going to be difficult, and would continue to act like a child. It looked like he had no choice left. As the Jonin leaned in close to his former student, he watched her eyes fall shut again at the sudden shift in distance. He wondered if she was bracing herself for another kiss, and unthinkingly asked, “Did you want me to kiss you again?”

The words brushed over her face in a soft breath, he was so close to her now, and his low tone sent a shiver through her. Nisei tensed visibly, her eyes unwillingly forced open by his question, her heart and mind conflicting violently within her while she answered. “No! Of course not...”

“Are you afraid of me?” She couldn’t escape the serious look in his eyes, or the overwhelming effect of his nearness, as he held her there. Maybe she was afraid of Kakashi. Maybe she’d always been afraid of him. That wasn’t going to change now, not with him looking at her that way. Since when did Kakashi look at her at all? Nisei could easily become consumed by this man, in a way that her heart had been longing for and was more than ready to allow, but her mind remained frozen by the idea of something it had fought so hard against.

“No…” With a trembling breath, she broke the connection they shared, turning her head to the side, and closing her golden eyes. Not looking at him was safer. She knew just how easy it would be to lose herself in this man. His gaze narrowed, knowing what she felt, what she wanted from him, and yet confused as to why she wouldn’t reach out for it. He decided that he would force the matter by leaving her no choice. Kouki’s game of possession didn’t help things any, it only served to complicate the feelings Kakashi had for Nisei.

Either way, things couldn't continue as they were now.

“I kissed you because I wanted to…I still want to…Maybe more than before.” He rested his hand along the side of her face, holding it gently, but firmly. He wasn’t in the mood for the usual argumentative banter, and she wouldn't find it so easy to escape this time. His other hand reached up slowly to draw down his mask, his fingers lingering for a long moment against the fabric before pulling it away. “If you want to continue, if you want more, Nisei, you have to take that first step, too. Kiss me back this time, if you really want me.” It was all the warning he intended to give her, leaning closer before the words had finished leaving his mouth.

The moment his lips brushed hers, she felt something inside of her tense. Fear tingled throughout her body, a gasp parted her lips, and she arched involuntarily against him, her body forcing his up and away. He'd known that there was a chance she would react this way, and let her go, certain that she would now run as fast and as far from him as she could.

Her fleeing footsteps echoed hollowly through his living room before the door loudly punctuated her exit. Exasperated, he reached into his pocket and retrieved the book he had been concealing, staring at it before tossing it aside. Perhaps it really was too late, after all. The thought made him shake his head. If he'd learned anything from his past, it was that some things are worth fighting for, no matter how long and difficult the battle might become.

‘What the hell was that?’ Nisei asked herself, her strides swallowing the ground beneath her as she ran like hell itself was at her heels. ‘How could he say things like that so casually, as if he knew...’ She stopped herself at the door to her apartment, unlocking it with a shaking hand. ‘Kakashi confessing he likes me all of a sudden, and that I should act on it? No… Kiss him if I want him?’ She slammed the door behind her and cursed loudly the entire way to the kitchen. ‘It’s as if he knew what I said…’

The Anbu captain switched on the light and turned towards her chair. There, resting innocently on the table as if it was exactly where it belonged, was the dirty porcelain mask - Kakashi’s mask. She picked it up, holding it carefully against her chest. He'd come looking for her yesterday. She tensed when the realization hit her. ‘So, he must’ve stopped by here, left this in my apartment, and then went to the Anbu quarters’. Her eyes closed, and she felt the onset of the first headache she’d had in a long while. What was he trying to do to her, now? Even if Nisei thought she wanted him, she couldn’t trust her feelings where he was concerned, or his motives, for that matter. She sighed softly, knowing that Kakashi’s strange new game would end soon, anyway. He couldn't force her to play for much longer.

Tonight was the last night he had to take his medicine.

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End of Chapter. See you again soon.