No Revenge Is As Complete As Forgiveness

Additional disclaimer: "The Beautiful Dreamer" lullaby is by Stephen C. Foster. It is over 100 years old and thefore public domain.



A/N: I apologize for the rather lengthly hiatus, people. I needed to take a few weeks off writing both Revenge and Loyalty because, frankly, I've been doing that for quite a while now and my muses' batteries were running out of juice. I was running out of ideas and some time away from those two fics helped me develop them. XD Also, I know that I've mentioned that I don't approve of the use of random Japanese in anime/manga fanfics, other than honorifics, names and toponyms, but I admit that I have a kink for Sasuke's "nii-san" therefore I included it the fic. Ahem. However, Itachi refers to himself at one point only as "nii" rather than "nii-SAN" because, uh, because that would translate as "Mr. Brother" and that's just silly.



Anyway. I hope you like the new chapter! And yes, I do have a kink for shower/bathroom sex.



CHAPTER 11





Fortunately for Sasuke, Itachi did take to heart Bishamon’s little advice about the blowjob. His brother’s mouth was working small miracles on his cock while they lay on their bed later that night and he was finally able to relax, even forget about his horrible boss.



However, the next day he was quickly reminded of all that Itachi made him forget and more when he arrived in the office that handled the mission report archiving. His boss, a tall, lanky young man, looked at him behind his thick spectacles that made his eyes look like a dung beetle and said:



“You’re three minutes late.”



Sasuke slowly turned to look at the clock and saw that he was right – it was, indeed, three minutes past eight. He glared at the man:



“Three minutes is hardly a long time.” He told him with annoyance.



The man, carrying the pompous name “Akio”, got up from the chair and drew himself up to emphasize that he was almost a head taller than Sasuke and looked down on him:



“Orochimaru might have forgiving when his catamites were tardy, but I am nothing like that. I expect my employees to be punctual, polite and to do make an utmost effort to do their job properly. That includes you.”



Sasuke’s eyes narrowed furiously at the yet another insinuation about the nature of his relationship with Orochimaru. He imagined impaling this pompous fool on his sword, imagined how good it would feel to make him scream and ground his teeth together because he knew that he couldn’t do that. For Itachi’s sake, he had to be a good boy.



“I won’t be late again.” He hissed.



“Good. I wouldn’t want to fire you and leave you without a job. Last I heard, no one else would even hear it when the Hokage tried to convince them to give you a chance, traitor. You better make extra effort to convince me that I didn’t make a mistake.”



Sasuke kept looking at him with narrowed eyes, his hands curled in furious fists. Finally, he nodded and headed towards the back to his cubicle, taking deep, calming breaths. He was doing this for Itachi. He had to make this work, no matter the cost. He had been through much worse than having to put up with a stuck up loser. Why then did he feel more trapped than he had ever felt before?



His day, unfortunately, went from bad to worse. He was buried neck deep in piling mission reports coming from Genin and annoyed, bored Jounin – detailing fixed fences, cleaned flower and vegetable beds, mucked stables, discovered lost pets – when he heard someone’s light footsteps and felt a familiar presence. A person he had dreaded meeting once he returned to Konoha and had hoped against hope that he would never have to face.



“Hi, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura said.



He stared at her for a moment before remembering to get up and bow in greeting, then awkwardly offered her the only chair in the cubicle – his. She shook her head.



“I won’t be staying long, so I won’t sit down. I just wanted to see for myself. Naruto said that you… and your brother have returned. And that you work here now.”



He looked at her from head to toe – dressed in a Medic’s tunic, her pink hair in a messy tail at the nape of her neck, she looked both the same and different than the Sakura he had left behind so long ago. Her green eyes were guarded but not hostile as she watched him. The sadness and disappointment in them hurt him more than her anger would’ve and he looked down at his feet, unable to meet the gaze of yet another friend that he had failed.



“Yes.” He said. “We returned.”



There was another awkward silence and he realized that he didn’t know what to say, because an apology wouldn’t even begin to cut it.



“Well. I’ll be going now. My patients at the clinic wait for me.”



“Ah, okay.”



She turned to leave. He stared at her, suddenly gathering courage to speak out, feeling a small hope that he could try and mend this friendship.



“Sakura!” he called after her and stopped her in her tracks.



“Yes?”



“I was wondering… if you would want to come to have lunch with us, on Saturday. I am sure we have a lot to talk about.”



She looked at him, her face still sad, still disappointed.



“No, I’m afraid this is not a good idea, Sasuke-kun.”



“Oh, I see.” He said, trying to hide his disappointment.



“No, I don’t think you do. I let you go years ago, Sasuke-kun. I gave up on you. Went on with my life. I don’t want to go back where I was back then. I came here today because I…”



“Because you wanted to say a proper goodbye.” He finished for her bitterly.



She nodded, looking relieved that he had taken it out of her hands to say it.



“Goodbye, Sakura.” He said softly.



“Goodbye, Sasuke-kun.” She said and left. He stared after his (former?) friend’s retreating back until she left the hall and then slowly sat back down on his chair and pulled another report from the pile before him. The work, he hoped, would distract him enough to make him forget how much he hurt. He had failed them all – Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, his brother even. It was natural that not all of them would want him back in their lives, but it still hurt, because he knew that it was his own fault.



Still deeply preoccupied with the day’s events, he slowly made his way to the Academy, too distracted to notice the way people looked at him until he almost walked into a large, solid chest. He looked up to see a young, bulky Jounin, at least a head taller than he was, looking down at him with severe disapproval bordering on anger.



“Watch where you’re going, traitor!”



He stared up at him, his hands slowly curling into furious fists. He hated that word, he hated being called that. It wasn’t fair. Konoha had betrayed his clan years ago, and yet he was branded the traitor, hated, despised, shunned. He had never actively tried to harm any of these people, had never attacked Konoha – and he refused to even entertain the thought that attacking that monster Danzou constituted an attack on Konoha – so why was he treated like that?



“Well? Aren’t you going to apologize?”



Sasuke’s anger mounted even higher.



“For what, exactly? Using a public walkway?” Sasuke answered snidely, every muscle preparing for a fight. Keeping a low profile didn’t mean that he would allow any random stranger to think that they could humiliate him whenever they wanted. He felt the surge of chakra in the Jounin and prepared to strike first when someone suddenly moved between the two of them.



“Now, is this a way for a pair of esteemed gentlemen to behave?” Iruka-sensei said, giving them both his most placating smile. “Starting a brawl in the middle of the street? Have some more class, boys.”



The young Jounin glared down at Sasuke over the teacher’s shoulder, but eventually deflated.



“I will let this one slide, Uchiha, out of respect for my former teacher. Don’t get in my way again.”



They both stared after him while he retreated with an arrogant swagger to his step. Iruka turned to look at Sasuke sadly:



“You need to pay more attention where you’re going, Sasuke-kun. People here aren’t feeling particularly hospitable towards you at the moment.”



“I’ve noticed.” He replied solemnly and sighed. “Thank you. Naruto wouldn’t have been happy if I had sent him to the hospital.”



Iruka nodded.



“No, he wouldn’t have been happy.”



Sasuke studied his feet again, once again feeling as awkward and ashamed as when Sakura visited him earlier. He almost jumped when he felt a strong hand gently gripping and squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. Sasuke looked up to meet warm chocolate eyes staring at him from a tanned, scarred face.



“I for one, Sasuke-kun” Iruka began. “am happy that you’re back home.”



Sasuke had never been particularly close to his Academy teacher, but at this very moment his support meant more than he could’ve ever possibly imagined. He tried to speak but found his voice choked up with unshed tears. Swallowing, he tried again, and it came out small and hoarse:



“Thank you, Sensei. Thank you.”



Iruka gave him another reassuring smile and said:



“I need to go now, but I would like to see you again. You look like you need a friend.”



He had never wanted friends before, no matter now much he had needed them. An year ago he would’ve refused that offer with mockery, but now he only said:



“Thank you. I would like that, too.”



Iruka nodded, pulled out a pen and a piece of paper from the pockets of his Chuunin vest and wrote his telephone number on it.



“Here. You can call me whenever you need.”



Sasuke read the number on the paper before he pocketed it.



“Thank you, Iruka-sensei. I will.”



It occurred to him that this was the most “thank yous” he had ever said in his life in a row and wondered if he should feel amused or upset about it.



The Chuunin bowed minutely and left. Sasuke sighed softly and made his way to the Academy, ignoring the sharp, hostile looks from the people on the street. He just wanted to get his brother and go home.



Bishamon leading the way, they quietly entered the Uchiha compound and closed the massive doors behind them. Sasuke had kept his rigid composure up until that moment, but now that they were alone, he leaned against Itachi’s side and buried his face in his shoulder. Itachi’s arms came around him immediately, engulfing him in a warm hug, one that he had always associated with love and safety as a child. He wasn’t surprised to discover that despite all that had happened between them, the association remained the same.



“What’s wrong, Sasuke?” Itachi whispered in his hair.



“Nothing.” He tried not to sniff. “And everything.”



“Okay. We’ll talk once we get home, okay?”



Sasuke nodded and they continued down the abandoned, dusty road to their house. Bishamon gave them an odd look when they arrived and jumped on the roof with the grumbling explanation that he felt like hunting squirrels.



Sasuke allowed himself to be led in the bathroom and remained withdrawn and passive as Itachi divested him of all clothes along with his own. The elder Uchiha turned on the hot water and pulled him in the shower stall, holding him close to his chest. Once again, Sasuke offered no resistance, made no attempt to take charge. He whimpered softly when Itachi’s gentle hands began to wash his hair and buried his face in the juncture between his neck and shoulder.



“What’s wrong, love?” Itachi asked quietly. “What’s happened?”



Sasuke shivered, despite the hot water cascading down his back.



“I screwed up, nii-san. I realized today that I really screwed up.”



Itachi’s hands stilled in his hair for a moment before he continued washing it.



“It wasn’t entirely your fault. I am to blame as well.” He admitted, heartbroken to feel his Sasuke so torn, so dejected over things he had taken out of his control.



“You did the best you could under the circumstances.” Sasuke insisted softly. He took another shuddering breath and Itachi realized that he was probably crying. “Today I realized that I have lost a friend, yet another friend, a long time ago. And I can never make things right. She wouldn’t let me, nor will Naruto.”



“Naruto is still your friend, Sasuke. He didn’t allow us to be tried and prosecuted, he’s kept us relatively free, considering what we’ve done. He found jobs he found for us. If that is not a sign of friendship, I don’t know what is.” He chided gently.



“He only communicates with us through Kakashi. He doesn’t want to see me, nii-san.”



Itachi paused again, searching for the right words to say and knowing that they didn’t exist.



“Maybe he’s afraid of your rejection too?” he finally suggested. “I know that things between you… soured very badly at some point.”



Sasuke nodded.



“If one can call me trying to kill him, more than once, souring. It’s more like a full blown acid rain.”



They couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Itachi began washing his shoulders and back.



“Was it like that for you?” Sasuke asked after a while. “When you left Konoha?”



Itachi swallowed, remembering those first few years after that horrible night. He wondered sometimes how he managed to stay relatively sane and didn’t degenerate in complete catatonia in an attempt to shield himself from the guilt and pain that he felt. The only things that kept him going were the thought of Sasuke and Kisame’s support. He wouldn’t have been able to survive that long mentally and perhaps physically, if it wasn’t for the friendship he had struck with the large Mist Nin, a friendship that had developed into something much deeper and more intimate.



“Yes, Sasuke, it was a bit like that.” He admitted.



One of his hands stayed on Sasuke’s back, gently running the sponge over his smooth skin, then other coming to his chest to spread the soap suds. The skin under his fingertips was hot and slick and smooth and he sighed as he felt the familiar heat pool in his groin.



“How did you survive it?” his brother asked.



“I…” Itachi began, unsure what to say about his relationship with Kisame.



“It was that Mist Nin, wasn’t it? He helped you.” Sasuke murmured.



“Yes. He became my friend, my protector, my guidance. He didn’t realize it, most of the time, but he was the one thing that helped me retain my grip on reality. Him and my love for you.”



“You were lovers.” Sasuke stated, unable to mask the jealousy in his voice.



“…Yes, we were.” Itachi admitted, wondering if there would be an explosion of jealousy and possessiveness now.



Sasuke remained quiet for a long time, leaning into the tender hands that washed him.



“I am grateful to him, then. That he kept you safe.”



That gave Itachi a pause and he would’ve stared down at his brother if he could. Sasuke had always been a jealous, possessive person who disliked sharing attention and affection, especially when they came from Itachi. It was uncharacteristic of him to say something like that. Then again, perhaps, after all that had transpired in the last few years, he had managed to grow up. He felt ridiculously proud of Sasuke. So proud that he leaned and kissed him, dropping the sponge and the soap on the floor. Sasuke yelped and then melted in his embrace, wrapping hungry arms around his shoulders. He clung to him as he ravaged his mouth, accepting his kisses with almost shy submission, but always eager for more. Itachi had always been able to understand his needs better than anyone, and now Sasuke wanted him to be the loving elder brother again, to take care of him, to shield him from the cruelty and neglect of the outside world as he had done when they were children.



It was a role he had been forced to abandon years ago and he hadn’t believed that he could fill it once again – because Sasuke wouldn’t want it, because of his own physical disability. It turned out to be ridiculously easy to slip back into it, to take care of Sasuke as if none of the horrors and tragedies that had transpired between them happened.



He pressed Sasuke to the warm and slick tiles and continued kissing him, covering him with his own slick body. Sasuke whimpered in his mouth and his hands found Itachi’s bottom, squeezed the firm globes of flesh and using his grip to press him closer, grind their growing erections together.



“Nii-san…” he whimpered when Itachi’s slick hand caressed his chest and wrapped around his cock.



“I’m here, Sasuke.” He reassured him. “What do you want, baby?”



“Make love to me.” Sasuke whispered against his throat and he shivered when he felt his lips move against his throat, his breath ghost against his sensitive flesh. In the absence of one sense, all the others had heightened almost painfully and Sasuke’s close proximity was driving him crazy. He gave him another passionate kiss before latching onto his throat, licking him behind his ears, hands tangled in his wet locks. Sasuke moaned throatily in his ear and now more than ever he wished he was could see the look of pleasure and passion on his face.



“Have me as I have you every night.” Sasuke rasped again, body arching hungrily under Itachi’s ministrations.



He focused on the spot between his clavicles, laving the wet skin with his tongue, his hands roaming all over Sasuke’s supple body. His brother was toned, but like most Uchihas, he could never become bulky, instead remained lithe and wiry, graceful and slender. He writhed under his touch, under his lips and tongue and mouth as he licked and kissed his way down to his chest, his hands sliding down his inner thighs and massaging the tense muscles there, stubbornly avoiding his straining erection. Sasuke’s hands found his head, tangled in his long wet hair and tried to push his head down, but he reached and grabbed his wrists gently.



“Let nii take care of you tonight, Sasuke.” He whispered against his navel before giving it an open mouthed kiss, tongue dipping inside. Sasuke shivered against him.



“Yes. Touch me…”



Sasuke sounded desperate and eager at the same time, his voice deep and hoarse. Itachi wanted to see him so much, but all he could do was imagine him in his mind’s eye – wet and slick from the shower, raven hair flattened around his head, making him look vulnerable and innocent, dark eyes feverish with desire, skin flushed with arousal and from the hot water, gloriously naked under him, like a ripe fruit waiting for the plucking.



He shuddered at his own fantasy and rubbed his smooth cheek against Sasuke’s erection, feeling the hard organ jump in his hand and against his face. He mouthed the head and used his tongue to tease the flaring ridge before pulling away again and putting his hands on Sasuke’s straining hips.



“Turn around, love.”



Sasuke’s breathing became even more rapid and shallow than before when he turned around and faced the slick tiles, pressing his cheek against their warmed surface. Itachi felt him bend over a little, silently offering him his behind. He straightened and ran his hands over his back and sides, rubbing his shoulders and tracing his arm until he found his fingers splayed against the wall. He tangled his own fingers with them and pressed himself against Sasuke from shoulder to hip, his engorged cock nestled between smooth, supple cheeks. His brother was breathing hard and fast, shivering slightly despite the hot water and his arousal. It suddenly occurred to him that Sasuke was afraid. Up to this moment he had always had the upper hand, he had always been the one in control of their daily life and of their sexual life. He had never submitted to Itachi before. And he had more than ample reason to fear him, the elder Uchiha thought guiltily. He had hurt him so terribly in the past, more than once, torturing him brutally with his Sharingan until he broke his spirit.



“Sasuke.” He said softly in his ear. “Sasuke, listen to me.” He repeated and planted soft, tender kisses along his shoulders and jaw, his other hand rubbing soothingly against his side. Sasuke head turned towards him, he could tell by the way his hair tickled against his nose. “I will never hurt you again. I swear to you. I would rather die than hurt you again.”



A soft sob escaped Sasuke’s lips and he pressed against Itachi’s erection.



“You can hurt me, nii-san.” The younger man leaned and pressed his cheek against Itachi’s fingers, then planted wet kisses against them. “You own me. You’ve always owned me. This is just one more way to claim me.”



He felt humbled by Sasuke’s words, by the trust he so bestowed on him, after all that had happened between them. He did not deserve this trust, nor this love, nor this acceptance, and yet he had them now.



“I will take care of you.” He repeated. “Just like you’ve been taking care of me.” Itachi told him and slowly began to slide down to his knees, running his hands down Sasuke’s back, tracing the ridges of his spine with his tongue until he reached his tailbone and laid an open-mouthed kiss on the base of Sasuke’s spine while his hands fondled his asscheeks.



“Nii-san…” Sasuke whimpered above him. “What are you doing?”



“Shhh.” He said and spread the cheeks with his fingers, giving him a long, wet lick between them. Sasuke quaked under him, wailing when his tongue found his twitching hole and began to lathe it, stabbing his agile tip into it and circling it wetly.



“Nii-san, nii-san!” Sasuke cried over and over as he teased and pleasured him. They were both feverish with arousal by the time his knees began to ache on the hard tile floor in the shower stall. He felt dizzy as he got up, reaching blindly to search for tube of aloe lotion kept on the rack next to the shampoo. He almost knocked over all of the bottles in his haste when Sasuke handed him with trembling fingers what he was searching for.



As he squeezed a generous amount of the lotion in his hand he asked:



“Have you done this before?”



“You mean… been taken before?” Sasuke sounded surprisingly shy given what they had just been doing. “Yes.”



A terrible suspicion gripped his heart.



“Orochimaru?” he asked, even if he didn’t want to know the answer.



“No. Never. I was too precious as a vessel to mar my body like that. I… It happened much later, shortly before our meeting at the temple.”



“One of the others you travelled with?”



Sasuke said nothing.



“The Mist Nin?” Itachi tried again, feeling quite amused at the thought that he and Sasuke would find themselves in similar situations. There was an unintelligible mumble coming from Sasuke’s way that even Itachi’s heightened hearing couldn’t make sense of. “Louder, love.” He prompted him and inserted a single finger in his body. Sasuke yowled and for a moment Itachi thought that he hurt him and stiffened when the younger man slammed his hips down and impaled himself further onto him with a satisfied moan. “It was…” he said, once he could breathe again, still sounding embarrassed “both of them.”



“Both?” Itachi asked curiously as he inserted a second finger and carefully began to loosen the tight muscles.



“Mhm…” was all Sasuke said and whimpered again when Itachi found his spot. “Oh, please, please…” he begged, fingers clawing at the smooth wall.



“Soon. I promise.” He reassured him and kept working him with his fingers before adding yet another. He imagined Sasuke between the two young men he had seen travelling with him – the slender, laid-back Mist Nin and the huge red-head. The Mist Nin would’ve been fierce, adventurous, wild even and he would’ve played with Sasuke until his dear brother felt ready to faint with exhaustion, while the other, a gentle giant of a man, whom he knew revered Sasuke, would have been slow and tender and careful, too terrified of his own power and afraid that he would hurt his lover to let out his bestial nature take control, unless Sasuke specifically asked for it. He wondered if he ever did, the way he sometimes asked Kisame not to hold back on him. It was a question he would have to ask another time because now even his considerable control was about to snap.



Itachi withdrew his fingers and gently cradled Sasuke’s hip in his hand, using his other hand to guide his erection to his loosened entrance. Sasuke accepted him readily as he slid in, mewling and whimpering as his girth spread him wide around his cock. There was another whimper when he finally settled in and pressed his body fully against Sasuke’s back.



“All mine now.” He whispered wetly in his ear as he began to thrust slowly, waiting for him to relax enough to pick up the pace. They were both too worked up, too needy tonight to take it slow.



“Yes.” Sasuke turned and whispered against Itachi’s lips before kissing him. “Always.”



Something snapped within him at that admission and he groaned, sucking the flesh on Sasuke’s neck as his hips rocked forward, wrapping his arms around Sasuke’s middle and keeping him as close as he could while he took him. Under him, shoulders and cheek pressed against the wall, his younger brother moaned and whimpered and urged him on, whispered sweet nothings as Itachi speared into him, over and over, the water of the shower splashing around them from their vigorous movements. He latched onto the back of Sasuke’s neck when they came, feeling the tight walls constricting around his erection and the warm liquid coat his fingers as he rubbed him to ecstasy. He spent himself inside of him, hips writhing with each stream of come he felt leaving his body. Despite his blindness, for those several moments of perfect bliss he saw bright light rather than the constant suffocating darkness and his remaining senses tingled with pleasure for long minutes afterwards.



After he pulled away he kept holding Sasuke up against the wall, feeling how tired and boneless he was. Reaching up he found the showerhead and unhooked it from its stand on the wall, then carefully brought it down to Sasuke’s body to wash away properly the proof of their passion, first on his front and then gently focusing the jet between his cheeks, letting the warm water massage his undoubtedly sore entrance. Sasuke moaned and raised his hips minutely into the water, sighing and turning to suckle Itachi’s fingers propped up against the wall as he washed him.



After they exited the shower Itachi wrapped them both in their fluffy robes, rubbing Sasuke’s hair dry with a towel. Navigating in their home posed almost no problem now because he knew it by heart and he felt rejoiced that he could take care of Sasuke like that despite his handicap.



Sasuke quietly followed him into the bedroom and curled up still damp between the sheets, cuddling up in his embrace when Itachi joined him. He buried his face in his chest and Itachi felt him shiver again.



“Please don’t leave me again.” He sounded needy but in an entirely different way than before, vulnerable and lonely, like a child having just woken from a nightmare and searching for safety and reassurance. It wasn’t the first time Itachi had to deal with that, but it was the first time in their adult life when it happened. Still, he thought that the same remedy as before would help. He tightened his embrace around Sasuke and began to hum a melody that had once had been Sasuke’s favourite lullaby.



“Beautiful dreamer,

Wake unto me

Starlight and dewdrops

Are awaiting thee



Sounds of the rude world

Heard in the day

Led by the moonlight

Have all passed away”



By the time he was finished the familiar melody had finally done what their intense passion in the shower hadn’t fully achieved – Sasuke slept soundly in his arms. He caressed the drying black hair and silently vowed that he would do everything in his power to make sure that no matter what, he would keep the promise he had given Sasuke earlier.