Bloody Tears

I waited in the clearing for Gaara. It would be hours before he came, but I needed to think about some things. I heard someone come into the clearing behind me. I didn’t turn. I was sitting down with my knees against my chest and my arms curled around my legs. I put my forehead against my knees. By the time the person who’d come into the clearing sat beside me, I knew who it was. “Sasuke, what do you want?”

“Nothing,” he said quietly. “I just felt like you needed someone to talk to.”

“How could you possibly feel that?”

He moved closer, his arm came around my shoulders and he pulled me in against his side. “I know you.”

At first, I was unyielding, stiff, but then I relaxed into him, letting my head fall against the side of his chest. “I’m just tired, I guess.”

His arm tightened around me. “Tired?”

“Not physically. Just . . . I don’t know. I just miss my family.” I sighed. “Now I know I’m the reason my brother’s dead. How do I know I didn’t kill my sisters, too?”

“You would’ve remembered it,” he said simply. “Just like you remembered that.”

“But-”

“I’m sure your sisters are alive, Star. Remember that dream you had about that girl?”

I nodded. “But how do I know it wasn’t just wishful thinking?”

“Why would you wish your sister to be in trouble?”

“I wouldn’t. . . .”

“Then that’s how you know.”

I sighed and moved closer to him. I was cold and he wasn’t. “Why is it so cold?” I asked, shivering.

“It’s not cold. . . .” He pulled me into him more. “I don’t think it’s a physical cold you’re feeling right now.”

“But I’m freezing.”

He let his arm fall away and he turned, lifted me into his lap and pulled me in against his chest sideways, in a little ball.

“What are you doing? You can’t-”

“Why can’t I?”

“I’m not that much smaller than you!”

“Star, you’re light. Believe me when I say that having you on my lap is no hardship.” He leant over me.

Despite my objections, I curled into him, letting him hold me. I was cold and being held like this felt nice. I could hear his heartbeat. It was strangely comforting. I let my ear fall against his chest, against his heartbeat. “You have a comforting heartbeat,” I sighed.

He chuckled. “Thanks?”

“Sorry, I know I’m being weird.” I started to pull away.

He didn’t let go. “No, you’re being you. Just relax. Let me be strong for you right now.”

“But-”

“Shh. Just be silent. Don’t complain, don’t struggle. Just let me be your strength for now.”

“Why?”

“Because being strong wears you out after awhile. Just rest. Lean on me. I’m strong enough for you to do that.”

“I can be my own strength.”

“Sometimes we all need someone to lean on.”

I looked up at him. “Even you?”

He nodded. “Even me.”

I leant back against him, curling on arm around his neck and grabbing a fistful of his shirt in the other. “Why are you so warm?”

“I guess it comes from playing with fire all the time.” He shifted a bit, moving me slightly so that my ear was right against his heart. “Now stop talking. Just relax.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because if I do, I’m going to fall asleep.”

“So?”

“I don’t want to sleep.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to fall asleep on you.”

“Why?”

“Sometimes I have nightmares. Sometimes I talk in my sleep.”

“I’ll remember that, now just stop talking and relax.”

“But what if I talk?”

“I’ll tell you all about it when you’re awake.”

“That’s not funny.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

“S-”

“Star, stop talking. Just trust me.”

I nodded, letting myself relax. “Fine, but if I fall asleep, when I wake up, I’m stabbing you.”

“I’ll remember that.”

And after that, I just stopped trying to talk or ignore him and I just let myself fall into him. I dreamt, simple, happy dreams filled with a strong, comforting, steady heartbeat all the way through. I slowly woke up later, the heartbeat pulling me into a relaxed, sleepy state.

“You’re awake,” he said softly.

I felt confusion boil in me. I was in a completely different position than what I had gone to sleep in. I was lying down, on the ground, with him beside me, his arms around me and my hands clenched around his shoulders. My leg was curled up with my knee on his hip, bent so that my leg wasn’t over his, ankle resting on my knee, foot on the ground behind it. His arms were still tightly around me, but I didn’t feel claustrophobic, like I thought I would. I felt strangely . . . safe. I looked up at him to find him smiling softly. “You moved . . . ?”

He nodded. “You kept shifting around, so I lay down and you did the rest. Since we got in this position, you haven’t moved.”

I blushed. “Sorry.”

“Why?”

“You can’t be comfortable. . . .”

“Actually, I am.” The smile returned for a moment. “It actually felt really nice to hold you.”

“Why?”

He shrugged as well as he could while lying on his side. “Don’t know. Just did. Maybe it has to do with how cute you look when you first wake up.”

I blushed. “I-I’m not-”

He chuckled. “You’re blushing again.”

“I blush easily. . . .”

“No, not easily. You just blush when someone says or does the right thing.”

“Comforting. . . .”

He smiled, let me go and stood slowly, reaching his hand down to pull me to my feet.

I let him help me up, stumbling. My leg was asleep. Ugh.

He put one hand to my waist, keeping me steady. “You okay?”

I nodded. “Yea, my leg’s just asleep.”

“Ah. I see.”

I looked up, at the sky. The moon was halfway up, but not high enough yet. I sighed.

“Waiting on Gaara?” Sasuke asked.

I shrugged. “Yea.”

“He’ll be here when the time comes.” He shrugged, stretched his back out. “For now, he’s probably off with his siblings.”

I looked around, looked at anything but him. “W-why . . . why did you . . . ?

“You needed it. You were tired, but you couldn’t sleep. I noticed that when I’m around you, you relax, especially when you’re near my heartbeat.” He gave a small half-smile. “So I did what I knew would get you some good rest. How do you feel?”

I shrugged, looked away. “Confused, a little embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?” He smirked. “Why, because you fell asleep on me?”

“Yea.”

“One of these days, I want you to be comfortable enough around me to be able to do that any time.” He stepped closer. “But for now, I’ll be content with watching you blush.”

I turned to glare at him. “What?”

“It’s cute.”

“Why?”

He stepped closer, put his hand to my jaw, thumb pressing against the bottom of my jaw to push my eyes up to his. “Because I like that I can make you react to me like that.”

“R-react?” I stepped back when he moved closer to me.

He smirked, let his hand fall away and walked toward me. For every step he took toward me, I took one back. In about five steps, I had my back against a tree and he leant in, putting his hands flat at either side of my waist. “Why are you backing away from me?” he asked softly, smirk in place.

I looked down, away from him. “This-this isn’t fair . . . you have me blocked. . . .”

“You did it to yourself, Star.”

“But now you’re not letting me go.”

He shook his head. “No, I’m not. You respond better to me when I’ve got your exits blocked off.”

I said nothing to that.

“Star, look at me.”

I looked up slowly, eyes wide.

“I understand that you’re afraid to lean on me. I understand that you’re afraid I’m going to walk away. But I’m not going anywhere. I like the way you react to me, Star. I like the blushing and the shyness. I like watching your eyes when you realize I’m being serious.” He smiled softly. “Even after all the things you’ve been through, you’re still innocent, like a small child.”

I felt like I was blushing, but I couldn’t figure out why I’d be blushing. He wasn’t saying something that would explain the blush. “I’m not innocent.”

“Yes, you are. You don’t realize it, but the way you look at things is the way a child would. Naruto told me about you stretching in front of everyone. You don’t see what you did as he saw it, or as Kankuro saw it. You’re more mature than others in many ways, but you still have an innocence about you, one I don’t think you’ll ever lose.” He smiled slightly, looking up. “It’s like you’re naïve.”

“I’m definitely not naïve.”

“In some ways, you are. When it comes to the way you view yourself and others around you, you’re naïve. Take Gaara, for instance. You don’t see how he could possibly fall for you. You don’t see that what you did, the way you treat him and act around him, could be taken as flirting. You don’t understand that the way you act toward him makes him like you. You don’t see it when someone else flirts with you, either. It’s like you look at people the way a child does. You couldn’t possibly believe that someone could have feelings for you deeper than friendship.”

I shrugged. “So?”

“It’s that part of you I feel most drawn to. You don’t flirt. You don’t notice it when others flirt with you. It makes you vulnerable and cute at the same time.”

“When has anyone flirted with me?”

He smiled. “Quite a few people have flirted with you, Star. You just don’t notice it.”

“But-” I shook my head. “What about you? You notice it?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Why haven’t you said anything before?”

“Why would I?”

“Well, with Gaara, you always say something. . . .” I looked away.

A small smile. “Yea. I’ll admit, I have a more jealous side, but . . . I know that when someone else flirts with you, you don’t even see it. Even if you smile at them, or hug them, you don’t see it. You’ve no idea what they just said, or how they meant it, rather. I’m not worried about them taking you away from me.”

“T-taking me a-away?” I stammered, staring at him.

He smirked. “Yea.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. When it comes to guys that flirt with you, I know they have no chance with you because you don’t notice that someone likes you unless they force you to notice it.”

“F-force?”

“Yes. The way I did. You would’ve gone years without even suspecting that I liked you in any way but friendly.” He scoffed. “You still don’t completely get it.”

“G-get?”

He bent slightly to put his mouth to my ear. “Get that I don’t want to be a friend.”

“Yo-you don’t?”

He leant down further, pressed his lips to the hollow behind my ear, causing me to shiver, and trailed his mouth down to mine. “No,” he murmured against my mouth.

I pushed at his shoulders enough that it moved him back, but I could still feel his mouth against mine. “Then what do you want?” My voice was soft, breathy.

“You as mine.” I started to say something to that, but his hand came up to cradle the back of my head and pull me into him so that my lips touched his. It forced a small, high sound from me that made him chuckle against my mouth.

My hands fluttered up to press flat against his upper chest. I pushed slightly, more out of surprise than resistence. I tried to say his name, but it came out smothered and made him chuckle again.

After a few minutes, he pulled back and there was a smirk on his face. “Yes. Mine.”

“B-but-” I tried to talk around the lump in my throat and it just didn’t work. I blushed and tried again. “I-but-”

“You’re cute when you’re confused.”

I tried to center and ground myself, but I still felt lost. “I don’t-”

“Star, when I say mine, I mean, for always.”

I blushed. “But-” I growled, shook my head, tried to gather my wits. “I-dammit!”

“Can’t think straight?”

I glared at him, but lost the anger and looked away blushing again. “I just don’t . . . I don’t understand. . . .”

“Why I would choose you?” He feigned thoughtfulness for a moment. “Because you’re . . . different.”

I gave him a look. “Different.”

He nodded. “From anyone I’ve ever met. You’re the one girl I wouldn’t mind sharing my life with. You don’t annoy me. You make me smile and laugh and I feel for you the way I thought I’d never feel for anyone.”

I stared up at him, eyes wide. “But-but we hated each other . . . didn’t we?”

He took a deep breath. “Did you know . . . that when a boy insults you or gets into fights with you . . . it means they like you.”

I shook my head. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. Even when I didn’t know you, I always liked you. I was just too stubborn to admit it.”

“But-”

“No buts. I wouldn’t lie about this.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re different. You’re independent, you’re strong. You never fawned over me. The first words you said about me were ‘If I ever had any interest in that Uchiha, it would be to fight him, not date him.’” That had been years ago, when Sakura had asked me if I liked him.

I stared at him, shocked he had remembered that. “You remember?”

He nodded. “Of course I remember. It was the one thing someone had said about me that had really caught my attention. It made me pay more attention to you and paying more attention to you made you notice me more. We got into fights and I started to like you even more because I realized that you wouldn’t be one to just give in to my will and pretend to like something I like.”

I made a face. “Tomatoes.”

He chuckled. “Yea, like tomatoes. You don’t pretend to like them.”

“I hate them.”

“And you’re not afraid to say that.”

“Don’t ever try to kiss me after eating a tomato.”

He laughed. “Why?”

“I hate tomatoes.”

“Remind me to do just that, then.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“What will you do to stop me?”

“I’ll bite you.”

He laughed again. “Oh, will you, now?” His hand came up to cup around my chin and he flicked his wrist so that my face was turned from his. I started to ask him what he was doing and he lowered down, put his mouth against my neck for a moment and bit down.

I gasped, stiffening, putting my hands to his chest and pushing, struggling. “What are you doing?!”

He pulled back before he drew blood, smiling. “Just letting you know, I’ll bite back.”

“Th-that was pointless, I didn’t bite you!”

He smirked. “Then I owe you one.”

I looked away, blushing. “C-can you back up now?”

He pulled me around to look at him with his hand around my chin. “Not yet.” He leant down, pressed his mouth to mine, nipping at my lower lip.

I put my hand to his jaw lightly, kissing back until he pulled my lower lip into his mouth to roll between his lips. I gasped and he released my lower lip to push further in, using a firm, sure touch now. At the first feet of his tongue against mine, I tried to pull away, but he held me firm and didn’t let me pull back. I tried to say something in protest, but it was smothered. His lips vibrated when he chuckled softly. One of his arms moved down around my waist and he pulled me into him, effectively trapping me between him and the tree. A sense of being trapped by him flooded me, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. It felt thrilling, exciting. It made my heart race faster and my pulse rise and I struggled against him.

His arm was around my waist, hand lightly resting on my hip. I could feel his heartbeat against my own chest. It let me know that his heart was racing just as much as mine. I could feel his chest trembling against mine with his every breath. When he pulled back, he seemed reluctant to break the kiss. “I should go,” he said, voice hoarse. “Gaara will be here soon.”

I tried to nod, eyes wide, face red.

He let me go, backing away slowly. “Just . . . I’ll see you later,” he said softly.

“You’re not coming with us?”

He shook his head. “No. I trust you by yourself. Stay safe, Star. Don’t lose any fight that comes your way.”

“I’ll try.”

“In a week, then.”

“A week.”

“I will meet you halfway home, though.”

“Okay.”

There was, surprisingly, a small flush to his face. “Goodbye.” He turned, walked a few steps, then stopped, turned and came back to me, brushing his mouth against my temple. “Stay safe, Starrie Eyes.” And he was gone.

I let myself slide to the ground, placing my hand against my heart. I was trembling, I could feel it.

Just an hour later, or perhaps moments later, Gaara and his siblings came. He walked up to me quickly. “Star,” he said, voice rough. “You ready to go?”

I nodded, pointed toward the bag in the center of the clearing. “My stuff is packed.”

Kankuro went by it and lifted the big bag up in one hand. “I got it. You get your wings out. I’d love to see them!”

I nodded and stood, stepping away from the tree. “Gaara, would you do me a favor?”

“Of course.”

I stepped toward him, pulling a kunai out of my wrist sheath. “Cut the back of my shirt. Start at my shoulder blades, descend about six inches down my back in a slanted line, ending right above my lower back. Do that to both sides of my shirt.”

He nodded and took the kunai. When I turned, I heard the rib of the fabric. A second later, I felt him touch my back. “These scars-”

“Just make the cuts in the fabric follow the scars.”

“Okay.” He started cutting again. Then stepped back.

I turned around, stepped into the middle of the clearing and said, “Do not go behind me. No matter what you hear or smell.” I closed my eyes and focused with my power on my back. Instantly, I felt my shoulders rippling, my wings twitching in response. I pushed with my power, hard, forcing my wings out inch by inch. I could smell my blood, feel it dripping down my back, hear it hit the ground. It was excruciatingly painful, but it was the only way to get my wings out. I pushed until I felt they were far out enough, then I rested. I came to realize I was on my knees with one hand placed against the ground. Gaara, Temari and Kankuro had started toward me. “No! Stay back. I’m fine,” I said, hearing and hating the strain in my voice. “Okay. Here goes.” I closed my eyes, started to focus. I pushed all of my power, all of my energy into one last push and my wings were free in a splatter of blood and the sound of tearing flesh. I gasped, nearly fell. After a moment, I flicked my wings, drying them of the blood, and stood. “I’m ready.”

“Oh, wow. They’re huge,” Temari said, walking toward them.

“They cut your skin when they come out?” Kankuro asked.

Gaara stepped forward mutely, reached a hand out and, after looking at me for permission, touched my left wing. My wing contracted under his hand and I giggled. He smiled. “They’re ticklish.”

“Everything about me is.”

Kankuro beamed. “You probably shouldn’t have said that!” he said, laughing. “So you’re extremely ticklish?”

I nodded. “Yes. Why?”

“Can I touch them?” Temari asked.

I nodded.

She reached out and ran her fingers down the right wing. It, too, convulsed and I giggled again. “They’re so soft.”

Kankuro reached out and touched one. “Yea.”

Gaara was softly stroking the left wing in a way that was both ticklish and comforting. It made me sleepy.

“Gaara!” I said, laughing. “Unless you’re trying to put me to sleep, stop that!”

He smiled, looked at me. “You probably could use the rest.”

“Probably,” I shrugged. “But we have a journey.”

He nodded and with one last stroke, let his hand fall. “Hm. Let’s go.”

I nodded, jumped up, clapping my hands. “Let’s go!”

“Let’s do this!”

“I’m ready.”

Gaara lifted himself and his siblings up with sand and I leapt into the air. We began our journey mutely.