Break to Breathe

 

BREAK TO BREATHE

by Okami Rayne

Chapter Twelve

[Dedicated to Cupcake]

A comfortable quiet rested between the two ninja, each focused on a separate pile of paperwork. A pot of kabusecha tea sat steaming to Neji's side of the table and the strong aroma of coffee drifted from Shikamaru's end; but a loud yawn from the shadow-nin indicated the caffeine wasn't having its intended affect.

Neji glanced up at the Nara.

Shikamaru's chin remained propped on his fist, his dark, half-closed eyes scanning the report in front of him. He looked two winks away from falling asleep, but then, one could never really tell with him.

Either way, he could probably use the rest.

They'd spent over three hours ploughing through the workload.

Complete re-evaluation of the village's defence system was a gruelling business. After the Akatsuki's attack on Sunagakure, it was inevitable that preparations would be made to prevent Konoha from suffering similar assault or infiltration.

Neji frowned slightly.

The Akatsuki were swiftly taking precedence over Orochimaru.

I need to get my strength back…fast…

Neji brushed his fingertips across his chest, subtly rubbing at the ache. The pain had lessened but it was taking time for his chakra reserve to restore itself. The frustration outweighed any discomfort.

Focus on what you're doing.

He shook his head against his own distraction and spent the next few minutes scanning the neat, sharp script of a two page report. The details were concise and relevant, unlike the waffle of some of the other accounts.

Defence is pivotal but so is the need to find our enemies weaknesses, instead of completely focusing our attention on concealing our own…

Neji made a few annotations on the sheet, the fingers of his free hand drifting toward his teacup. He brought it to his lips without removing his eyes from the page and took a small sip of the tepid drink before realising that it was suddenly too quiet. He flicked his gaze across the table.

Shikamaru's eyes were closed.

Neji set his teacup down, arching a brow. "Shikamaru?"

The shadow-nin didn't respond. Neji stared blankly for a moment, fully expecting the other ninja's eyes to slip open with a lazy, half-assed glower.

"Nara," he tried again.

Nothing.

Neji turned the page of his report, rustling the paper a little louder than necessary in an attempt to stir the Chūnin. It was about as effective as his voice had been. Neji took a moment to deliberate, his pale eyes drifting between the paperwork and Shikamaru.

There's no point in waking him if he's that tired…he'll only make mistakes and foil the effort he's already putting in…

This left one workable option, which would also lift the weight of feeling indebted to the shadow-nin. Neji set his pen down quietly and reached across the table, taking hold of the reports stacked by Shikamaru's elbow. He could get through them quickly enough; his body may have been tired, but his mind was alert.

Neji began to slide the reports across to his side, but paused half-way. His gaze fell to a white booklet lodged into the stack of red-marked papers. Assuming the file to be misplaced, Neji made to remove it, gripping the slim spine of the booklet to inch it free. He managed to dislodge it quietly, albeit upside-down.

He tilted his head, easily reading the inverted text.

'RECORD OF PAST BATTLES: Classified Data, VOL. 1'

Neji arched a brow, planting his fingers on the cover and twisting his wrist to spin the booklet around. He didn't get time to open it. Movement out the corner of his eye drew his focus sharply up.

Shikamaru was watching him through shuttered eyes.

"Sneaky." The Nara drawled that familiar word with amusement, but his expression was tight; his face at odds with the lightness in his voice.

"You were sleeping," Neji said, not liking how defensive he sounded. It was stupid, but he felt oddly embarrassed at being caught out.

Ridiculous.

Shikamaru blinked slowly and turned his head, resting his temple against his fist. His dark gaze strayed across to the slim volume Neji hadn't opened. The Hyūga never got the chance either. The shadow-nin reached across and lazily apprehended the stolen booklet like a captured Shogi piece.

Neji sat back a little, steeling his expression into its normal, calm mien.

"Past battles?" he prompted, keeping his tone neutral despite his suspicion. "What are you doing with that?"

Shikamaru yawned dismissively, shrugging. Neji watched him slide the file out of reach before he swallowed the dregs of his cold coffee with a shudder.

Why would he have a classified volume?

Neji kept his eyes patiently on the other ninja, a silent way of showing that he wasn't willing to let the topic slide. He waited for Shikamaru to meet his gaze again – which didn't happen. The Nara switched his attention to the paperwork that had moved half-way across the table.

"Stealing my reports? You're pretty enthusiastic, Hyūga…"

Neji offered a flat look, not amused. "At the rate you work – or sleep – I'm surprised anything gets done by the deadline. Is battle tactics part of the defence analysis?"

"How many have we got left?" Shikamaru yawned again, pulling back the pile of papers Neji had shifted.

Avoiding the topic only confirmed Neji's sense of unease surrounding it, but he opted to cease his line of questioning – for now.

"I'm just about done with mine," Neji said.

"Good. I call a break."

Neji scoffed. "You just had one."

"Yeah and you interrupted it." Shikamaru rolled his shoulders, cracking muscle with a scowl. "Ugh…what time is it?"

Neji glanced toward the windows. "Around five, I imagine."

He heard Shikamaru groan and looked back to watch the Nara drop his head into the crook of his folded arm.

"Three hours…what a drag…" came the muffled complaint.

"Look." Neji reached for the paperwork. "You're obviously not going to focus on this, so let me finish it."

Shikamaru snorted into the crook of his arm. "Way too enthusiastic…"

"I don't think that's the word. At any rate, it's necessary, if you want this done on time."

"She wants it done on time…I don't want to do it at all…"

Neji felt the stoic set of his face twist slightly with confusion. "How do you aim to advance if you never put the work in?"

Shikamaru groaned again, lifting his head from his arm only to prop his chin in his hand, yawning loudly behind his fingers.

"I never said I wanted to advance…people just keep expecting me to."

Neji cocked his head. "Expect you to?"

"Yeah." Shikamaru's lidded gaze flicked up. "Unlike you and Naruto, I don't have a crazy 'go-for-the-gold' Nindo, just troublesome people pushing their standards onto me."

Neji studied the shadow-nin's jaded expression, trying to find some tiny spark of aspiration. Shikamaru's yawn cut his search short and he shook his head in disbelief at the Chūnin's manner.

"I don't understand you. You have a lot to offer." Neji frowned. "You could easily make Jōnin and head higher missions. These are things worth striving for."

"Maybe they are, but that doesn't mean I want them." Shikamaru shrugged and try as he might, the Hyūga couldn't read anything off those words other than their bluntness.

Why wouldn't he want them?

Neji digested Shikamaru's words in confused silence. He didn't see the sense in not wanting to achieve these things. He'd been driven for so long by the sole focus of his own advancement that it hadn't really occurred to him that one as brilliant as Shikamaru might not want to attain or strive, albeit far more leisurely, for the same thing.

Rather than to…just settle…

He could understand that Shikamaru didn't have any sense of rivalry or competition driving him. But surely there must have been some inkling toward progress? Achieving his potential and even surpassing it. Wasn't that the whole point? Especially being so intellectually gifted – wasn't it only natural to want to reach the height of that potential and achieve the desired end. To be all that you could be, possibly more.

He doesn't want that…how could he not want that?

"Well what do you want?" Neji asked, almost sounding frustrated.

Shikamaru looked briefly amused, which only confused Neji further. But then the Nara let his gaze drift and Neji could read from the direction his eyes shifted, that he was picturing the future. Then to Neji's surprise, Shikamaru's gaze dropped down and to the right, which indicated introspection, the kind he didn't think he'd ever see the Nara openly display.

It didn't surprise him when Shikamaru closed his eyes.

"To sleep," Shikamaru joked weakly, his sigh whistling through his fingers.

Neji took the opportunity to relax his guard a little, trying to puzzle out the other ninja. He must have looked far less controlled that he thought, because when Shikamaru's eyes slipped open again, the shadow-nin looked at him with a touch of irritation.

"What's that look for?"

Neji blinked, pulling up his guard. "Nothing. I just don't understand why you wouldn't want to use your intelligence to attain something of worth."

Shikamaru arched a brow. "I've already have a lot of things of worth and oddly enough, I didn't use my 'intelligence' or a 'strategy' to get them."

"Such as?"

Neji didn't expect the next look Shikamaru shot him. It was a mix between honest surprise and confusion. Immediately, Neji regretted asking.

"Are you serious?" Shikamaru said.

No, Nara, I'm trying to be funny…idiot…

Neji cleared his throat, hoping he didn't look as awkward as he felt. Unfortunately, Shikamaru didn't spare him the discomfort.

"Not to sound corny, but my friends and family for starters." Shikamaru hummed, drumming his fingers against his lips. "Look, it's not about personal ambition for me. That doesn't interest me."

Neji frowned, staring at the middle of the table. For some reason, these words rattled the bars of that phantom cage he'd always felt trapped in…despite having come so far, despite having channelled everything into advancing and surpassing those limitations and that sense of inescapable fate. Yes, he'd come so far, but suddenly, out of no where, came the feeling that he'd left something behind.

But I've forged my own path…that's what…I have always wanted…

Tightness began to pull across his chest, a horrible, dull ache.

Neji straightened away from the table slightly, unaware that Shikamaru's eyes were tracking him. He made an effort not to give the pain his attention, returning his focus to the Nara when he spoke again.

"But that's just me," Shikamaru said, shrugging. "Like I said, people and their standards…hell, I forfeited my Chūnin match and somehow still qualified."

"You were able to predict two hundred moves ahead, Shikamaru." Neji swallowed, making an effort to breathe calmly and continue the conversation. "Your mind is your forte, even if your attitude is your pitfall."

"Thanks Asuma," Shikamaru grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Ugh…I really don't have the energy to go a verbal round on this one."

Neji was almost grateful for that.

"I'll save you the trouble. Now give me the reports and I'll finish them." He reached for them before Shikamaru could protest, not that he suspected the Chūnin would.

The only thing Shikamaru seemed unwilling to surrender was that booklet, which the shadow-nin slotted under his arm as he dragged himself to his feet.

"Fine, works for me. I'm gonna catch a nap…"

Neji shook his head, plucking the first report off Shikamaru's pile. "Of course."

"Wake me in about an hour, yeah?"

"Tch. How do you propose I do that?" Neji called after the Nara's retreating back. "With a foghorn?"

"Whatever works." Shikamaru drifted from the room, his words carrying over his shoulder and drifting into a yawn. "Just don't wake me before that. I won't move."

I'd believe it.

Neji felt his lip curving slightly, but smothered the expression by taking a sip of the cold tea. He waited until Shikamaru passed out of sight before he set the cup down and touched his fingers to his chest, closing his eyes against the twinges of pain.

I will control this.

Neji released the tense breath trapped in his throat, blinked a few times and reached for the pen. He ignored the fact that his fingers were shaking.

---

An hour later, Neji set the pen down.

In some small way, it felt as if he'd paid his dues. The currency for staying at the Nara residence sat on the table in a neat, completed pile. The paperwork was done. The annotations made and the skeleton of the defence strategy in place. All that was left to do was get Shikamaru to flesh out the details, ensure the structure and deliver the plan.

Which meant it was time to wake him up.

Kami…why didn't he just set his alarm?

Neji slid away from the table, stretching his neck with a sigh as he navigated his way to Shikamaru's room. Pausing outside, he rapped his knuckles against the frame of the door.

"Get up, Nara."

As predicted, no response came from inside, not even the sound of the lazy Chūnin rolling over. Neji braced his shoulder against the door and sighed.

"Shikamaru…"

He shouldn't have been surprised at the silence. Curling his fingers, Neji raised his hand rigidly and thudded the side of his fist into the door with a loud bang that rattled the frame.

Nothing.

So he repeated the motion only to garner the same silence. For a fleeting moment, Neji had to wonder if the shadow-nin wasn't doing it on purpose.

"Shikamaru, get up!"

He really didn't want to have to go into Shikamaru's room.

That is 'not' going to happen.

The temptation to activate his Byakugan and glare daggers through the wall was tempting. He could actually picture Shikamaru smirking from the other side of the door. If he was even awake.

"Get up, Nara!"

Neji smacked the side of his fist into the door again.

I'll smack it into his head if he doesn't respond soon…

Soon turned into five minutes later and his patience, which he liked to think he had in abundance, wore thin. With every intention of carrying through with his mental threat, Neji grabbed the door handle and twisted sharply, thrusting the door open at exactly the same time as Shikamaru opened it.

Fuck.

Unable to halt his momentum, the tug from the other side had him tripping and pitching straight into the other ninja. Shikamaru, still half-asleep, made a delayed attempt to sway out of the way. Unfortunately, Neji made to sway in exactly the same direction.

They crashed, cursed, tangled and went down in an ungraceful heap.

The shock of the collision held a brief, awkward silence…during which Neji's mind could only process the horrific denial of 'that-did-not-just-happen' before he registered the groan against his ear.

"Ugh…fucking hell, Neji." Shikamaru coughed, winded. "Why do you always go for my ribs?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Neji snarled, planting his hands either side of Shikamaru's head as he tried to push himself off the other ninja only to wince at the sharp yank on his hair. "Get off."

Shikamaru scowled, rubbing at his forehead where Neji's headband had cracked him dead on centre. "You're on top of me, genius!"

Neji grit his teeth, hissing his words out. "You're laying on my hair…idiot…"

Shikamaru dropped his head back and gaped. "I'm an idiot? Aren't you supposed to see through walls?"

Neji glared, the full venom of his 'I-am-going-to-murder-you' gaze having absolutely no affect on the sprawled Chūnin beneath him. Shikamaru continued to rub at his brow and Neji couldn't help but see some kind of poetic justice in the inadvertent head-butt, considering his previously stolen hitai-ate.

"I think you gave me concussion…" Shikamaru grumbled, feeling around his brow as if expecting to find the Leaf symbol stamped there.

"Good," Neji growled, his breath mingling with Shikamaru's as he glared down. "How the hell you've lasted this long on missions with your inability to wake up is beyond me."

Shikamaru snorted. "Didn't think I needed to worry about being attacked in my own home…"

Neji felt his pride backed into a corner and like a bristling animal he immediately went on the defensive.

"You're the one who lays childish traps around the place," he growled back. "I'm half-convinced you actually planned this."

"Yeah, 'cause getting knocked on my ass, concussed and half-straddled is my idea of intelligent strategy…"

Neji opened his mouth to offer a smart retort only to snap his jaw shut.

Half-straddled?

He dropped his gaze down and with a mortified flare of heat realised how closely locked together they were. He'd barely caught himself on one knee, the other leg having failed in the attempt to disentangle itself from Shikamaru's, resulting in a tilted, but flat press of their hips and stomachs. He could feel every shift of the tense abdominals against his own and for some reason it had his breath shifting.

It shouldn't have felt intimate in the slightest.

It shouldn't have felt any different from pinning someone in a fight.

But then Shikamaru tried to move – and the friction of their grinding hips sent a bolt of heat straight to Neji's groin. Like lightning ripping down his spine; he drew a sharp breath.

The faint sound caused Shikamaru to freeze beneath him.

Their gazes locked and Neji caught the barest dilation in Shikamaru's pupils before they both jerked away from each other as if burned.

Confusion hit Neji with twice the force of the flush that scraped across his cheekbones. He stood sharply, turned and exited the room, chills dancing along his skin in wake of the heat that had exploded through him just seconds ago.

What the hell is wrong with me...?

---

The early evening bustle came as a welcome distraction.

Children sparred with bamboo canes, cracking the weapons like makeshift katana as they darted nosily between the loose pockets of people.

Neji swayed easily to avoid collision with a group of duelling boys. To his irritation, Shikamaru displayed commendable speed in avoiding the same impact.

Why the hell couldn't he have done that earlier?

Neji shook his head sharply to shake the thought away.

He'd spent enough time trying not to think about what had happened earlier. However, it was one of those things that the more he avoided it, the more apparent it was, sitting the back of his mind, waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

"Troublesome kids," Shikamaru muttered, sidestepping a charging child.

Neji hummed in response. He'd avoided looking at or speaking to the Nara for the most part. He envied the shadow-nin's ability to sweep things under the rug with that infuriating nonchalance.

Shikamaru had ambled on as if nothing had happened; which should have been a good thing, but for some reason it made Neji feel even more out of control. He was confused enough as it was, adding irritation to the mix wasn't a good combination.

"Head's up," Shikamaru suddenly drawled.

What?

"Neji, my youthful rival!"

Oh God no…

Despite the 'head's-up', Neji made the vital error of freezing on the spot, his mind too distracted to sense which direction Lee's voice had come from. Then an energetic clap on the back had him bolting rigid from the pain as Lee's camaraderie hit struck him right on his healing wound.

"Hey, take it easy." Shikamaru frowned, glancing at Lee.

Neji ignored the concerned look Shikamaru shot him and instead turned a completely composed expression on the green-clad ninja.

"You need to stop doing that, Lee. Especially in public."

"Forgive me, Neji-kun!" Lee smiled brightly, his teeth catching a spark that was disturbingly bright. "But you are not up to your usual standards, my friend!"

Neji opted for a stern glance.

He's not wrong...I should have sensed that hit coming long before it landed.

Lee appeared immune to the glare and smiled, saluting. "I have a message from Gai-sensei!"

Neji tried to hide the unease crawling into his eyes. "What is it?"

"He wished to speak with you about a mission to a shinobi monastery. I believe it is known as the Fire Temple. Hokage-sama has requested a team to survey the area."

A mission meant a distraction. A useful, productive distraction.

"I am on my way to the Hokage residence right now, after I am done there, I will speak with Gai-senpai."

Lee offered a 'roger-that' salute before turning to Shikamaru. "And will you be interested in joining us, Shikamaru-kun?"

Neji watched the shadow-nin shutter his gaze in that familiar harassed look before cocking his head toward the stack of papers held under one arm. Lee caught on with a smile, nodding before making to clap Neji on the back again. The Hyūga deflected the touch with the sharp edge of his palm.

"Give it a rest." Neji frowned.

To his surprise Lee just laughed and gave the thumbs up. "That is more like it, Neji-kun! The reflexes of a cat."

"A cat, huh?" Shikamaru arched a brow.

Neji dragged his mind back from the embarrassing incident earlier and cleared his throat. "Where might I find Gai-senpai?"

"The training grounds!" Lee announced to the entire street. "He is challenging Kakashi-sensei to a most exuberant contest!"

I don't want to know…

Thankfully he didn't have to hear the details of said 'exuberant contest', which must have been commencing shortly given the speed at which Lee shot off after mentioning it. Neji watched the bushy-browed ninja leap-frog over rooftops and only turned his head when he heard Shikamaru snort.

"Exuberant contest? Man, that's gonna be you two in a few years time," the Nara said.

"I can't keep up with the idiocy of it," Neji shook his head, moving to follow Shikamaru towards the Hokage residence. "The Fire Temple? Did Hokage-sama mention this mission when you spoke with her earlier?"

"No."

"So it is completely unrelated to the classified booklet you have?"

He watched Shikamaru out the corner of his eye. The shadow-nin blinked slowly, his lip quirking.

"You want to do all my homework for me, Hyūga?"

"You're not funny, Shikamaru."

"Tch. Relax."

Neji felt his eye twitch. If he heard that word one more time the only thing he'd relax would be his restraint. Shikamaru picked up the pace a little, forcing him to keep stride with a frown. As they approached the mansion, they were met half-way by the Hokage's pig.

"Seriously...why..." Shikamaru muttered.

Neji watched as Tonton retaliated with a snort. He didn't understand the other ninja's problem with the Hokage's pet. She actually proved quite useful at times; at least when it came to relaying messages and tracking. Shikamaru obviously didn't share his judgement on the matter, because the shadow-nin looked ready to drop the paperwork on the small animal.

Neji shook his head, reluctantly amused. As they entered the residence, the pig dashed off with a squeal. Neji glanced at Shikamaru.

The shadow-nin shrugged. "Hey, don't look at me..."

Neji glanced up when Shizune rounded the corner, her long sleeves flapping as she rushed over, out of breath.

"Shikamaru! Are those the reports for Tsunade-sama?" she puffed.

"Yeah," Shikamaru tipped his chin to the top file as he handed the pile over. "The proposal is on the top, I still recommend asking Temari or Kankurō for their input."

"I'll put the suggestion forward at the meeting nex—oh, Neji…" Shizune cut off, hefting the pile of papers and offering a smile. "What are you doing here?"

Neji inclined his head. "I came to speak with Tsunade-sama. Do you know if she's available?"

For some odd reason, Shizune glanced at Shikamaru before responding.

"She's just finished speaking with Asuma so I assume she will be."

"Asuma?" Shikamaru echoed, suddenly alert as he glanced down the hallway.

"That's right." Shizune gestured for Neji to follow her. "Did you want to speak with him, Shikamaru?"

"Nah, I'm gonna take a walk," Shikamaru turned lazily, stepped over Tonton and made his way out. "Later."

Neji arched a brow and fell into step beside Shizune, his gaze straying to the paperwork in the woman's arms. His mind flicked back to the classified booklet Shikamaru hadn't returned with the workload. He couldn't shake the odd feeling he had surrounding that, which was probably unfounded.

They turned the corner just as Asuma rounded it.

The Sarutobi was frowning, his dark brows drawn low over his eyes, though the intense look softened into its normally relaxed expression when he glanced up.

"Evening." He smiled, an unlit cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. "Seen Shikamaru around?"

Neji glanced over his shoulder. "You just missed him, Asuma-senpai."

"Right, you mean he high-tailed it." Asuma chuckled, but Neji noted that his eyes didn't quite match his smile. "No problem. Thanks."

The Jōnin slid his hands into his pockets and strolled on past. Neji turned his head, frowning as his pale eyes followed the retreating figure.

Something's wrong…

The door opened before Shizune could reach for the handle.

Neji turned his head, his silvery eyes landing on the amber-brown orbs of the Hokage. Tsunade raised her chin as she stepped back into the room.

"Neji. Just who I wanted to see."

---