Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Chapter 12: Everything's Ruined

A month later, the first snow came. It blanketed everything in clean white fluff, including the zombies that were safely outside the barrier around the Uchiha compound. This didn't stop the zombies from moving around; it just made their movements slower than they already were, for which everyone inside the compound was grateful, as it made it easier for them to get what they needed done whenever they had to go outside the barrier.

Inside the compound, life went on. Birthdays were celebrated, and a modicum of education was attempted, though it was less traditional education and more how to hold and use different types of weapons. Kyuubi had braved the zombie hoards and gone back to the Uzumaki-Namikaze household to grab clothes, since Naruto was borrowing Itachi's clothes, Kyuubi was sharing Fugaku's clothing, and Naruko was wearing Mikoto's old clothes, which made for an incredibly awkward vibe between her and the Uchihas, especially Sasuke. Everyone was incredibly happy when he brought the contents of their closets back.

Naruko was sleeping on the couch in the den, since Kushina and Minato had the only guest bedroom and they were unwilling to let her sleep at Sai's house. Naruto and Kyuubi, obviously, were spoken for. Naruto, now off of his crutches, was being given lessons in how to properly hold and wield a sword. Sasuke, finally out of bed after the accident a month and a half ago and almost off crutches, went down to the dojo every day to watch him and either encourage him or laugh at his foolish missteps.

"Come on, dobe," he said, smirking, "what was that? Itachi sucks at wielding a katana, but he's doing better than you!"

The blond growled as he clumsily parried an attack from the elder Uchiha brother.

"One more time, dattebayo," he said, waving the katana threateningly, "and I'll take this and shove it up your ass and leave it there."

"I thought you said there was already something there," rejoined the raven-haired teenager.

"There is," Naruto replied, "but I could always remove it and put this in its place."

"Please," sighed Itachi, "no one wants to know about your sex life together."

"And we don't want to know about yours," Sasuke retorted. "How was your time with Kyuubi last night? Oh wait, I don't need to ask, because your voice carried all the way down the hallway to where Naruto and I were trying to sleep. You two are disgusting."

Naruto gagged by way of emphasis, and then winced as he parried a particularly vicious attack from Itachi.

"Not so hard, dattebayo!" he whined. "That almost sprained my wrist!"

"Get over it, Princess," Itachi smirked.

"Don't be a hypocrite, asshole," said Kyuubi lazily, strolling in and sliding the door shut behind him. "Heck knows you look more like a girl than Naruto does. You sound more like a girl too, 'ttedana. Especially when I've got my rock hard dick up your skinny ass."

Itachi reddened and glared at his red-haired lover.

"Not in front of the kid brothers," he said through gritted teeth, while Naruto rolled on the floor, shaking with laughter, and Sasuke tried to turn his laughter into a violent coughing fit.

"Heck knows they know more about it than we do, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi slyly. "Why're you laughing, Sasuke-chan? You sound like Itachi when Naruto's got you lying down and fucking you into the mattress. I think you Uchiha boys are just natural-born uke."

Sasuke stopped laughing and glared at Kyuubi murderously, but the redhead just grinned. Naruto laughed harder at the priceless look on his boyfriend's face, while Itachi tried to hide a smirk at the redness creeping onto his little brother's pale cheeks.

"'Natural-born uke', you say, Namikaze? The last boyfriend that I had, when I was thirteen, told me that I was an exceptional seme, and my last girlfriend told me the same thing. Maybe I should demonstrate my abilities for you sometime. Pay attention, Naruto," he added, hitting Naruto in the side with the blunt edge of his sword so as not to hurt him too badly. The blond jumped and winced, rubbing his side.

"Can I beat your bastard brother into a pulp? May I, please?" he asked his boyfriend.

"'Can I' and 'may I' are two different questions, dobe," said Sasuke. "Yes you may beat my brother into a pulp, because I'm finding him to be just as annoying as you do at the moment. However, I doubt you can do it, since he's faster than you are anyways, even with the grace of a steamroller. You move like a freaking turtle."

Naruto took off one of his geta and threw it at Sasuke, who ducked. The shoe flew harmlessly over his head, knocking over a silk painting on the wall, and then rebounded, hitting him in the back of the head. His boyfriend laughed.

"Gotcha, temee!" he crowed victoriously.

"That's it," Sasuke snarled. "I swear to fucking God I will jump you and pound you into a pulp the first chance I get once I get the full use of my leg back."

"You won't get a chance, Sasuke dearest," said Naruto, grinning cheekily. "We both know who gives the hot and kinky sex and who gets it."

"And we both know who can withhold said hot and kinky sex if you're being an asshole," said his raven-haired boyfriend smugly. "Never thought of that, did you, sweetie?"

Naruto pouted, but shut up.

"He's got you pussy-whipped, 'ttedana!" crowed Kyuubi, dancing around like a maniac.

"I'm sure I misunderstood him, Naruto," said Sasuke conversationally. "Did he just infer that I have a woman's genitalia?"

"I think so," replied the blond. "I give you full rights to abuse him in any way you see fit, short of castration and murder. He needs his dick for what he and your brother do every night."

"It's not every night," said Itachi in a dignified voice. "It's every other night."

"Well excuse me, 'ttebayo," said Naruto sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Footsteps were the only warning they had before the door slid open behind Kyuubi, and Fugaku and Minato walked in.

"Why is there more talking than the sound of swords clashing?" said Fugaku, raising his eyebrow in the way that Naruto had become accustomed to seeing from his boyfriend.

"We were-" Itachi tried to say, but his father cut him off.

"Naruto?" he said, looking at the blond teenager.

"Well, we were resting," said Naruto, aware of Itachi's changed demeanor. His shoulders had now slumped a little, though his facial expression remained the same. Perplexed, he looked to Sasuke for an explanation. The raven-haired teen just shook his head and mouthed "some other time."

"Well, rest time is over," the muscular raven-haired man barked, before storming out. Minato, who remained behind, gave them all an apologetic smile.

"There have been problems on the perimeter," he said by way of explanation, before walking out.

"Ne, I haven't heard of any problems on the perimeter," said Naruto, raising an eyebrow. "What's he talking about, 'ttebayo?"

"He's not talking about zombies, 'ttedana," said Kyuubi grimly. "There's been a lot of discontent among the people who are out there twenty-four-seven. There're so few people inside the barrier that those guarding it are spread thin, and they sometimes go without rest for two days. It's getting colder out there, too, so people are starting to complain about that."

"Why don't they have a guard rotation then?" asked Naruto.

"They do," said Itachi, "but the people in here also have their immediate families to worry about, along with illness and injury. That's why we're training."

"Well, I'm going," said Kyuubi. He made to leave the opposite way from whence he'd come in, but the second he opened the sliding door, two people tumbled in with a loud cry of surprise.

Namely, Uzumaki Naruko and Uchiha Sai tumbled in with a loud cry of surprise. Apparently they hadn't counted on anyone coming out any time soon, so they had decided to have some fun while they waited to use the dojo to spar. Sai had Naruko's haori half-off, and was kissing her neck and cupping her exposed breasts. Naruko's hands were moving toward Sai's hakama. The look on Kyuubi's face was priceless, as were the reactions on Sai and Naruko's faces.

For one awkward moment, everyone looked at each other, not sure what they should do, and then…

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER, YOU PUNK!?" roared Kyuubi, lunging at Sai.

"Kyuu-nii, that's my boyfriend!" squealed Naruko, trying to stop Kyuubi from throttling the pale boy, who had a bemused smile on his face. "Naruto, help me!"

Naruto was just taking in the scene before him as if he didn't know what to make of it, and a few feet away Sasuke and Itachi were doing the same.

"Naruko," he asked finally, "why in the hell were you about to have sex, with Sai, in an area accessible to the general public?"

"We weren't about to have sex," said his twin sister, blushing. "We were passing the time while you all bantered in there!"

"What, so you were going to have sex in here?!" asked Itachi incredulously.

"No!" yelled Naruko. "We were going to spar and then have an archery contest! Now would one of you come and stop Kyuubi from killing Sai!?"

"I think I would like him better if he were dead," commented Sasuke casually. "He's quite an asshole. I don't know how we share even a few of the same genetics."

"Don't touch my sister, 'ttedana!" Kyuubi was snarling, and all the while Sai's face was turning from a crimson red to a dark purple.

"What the hell is going on here!?" roared Fugaku, drawn toward the sound of the yelling. Minato was right behind him.

"What's going on here!?" he asked urgently. "And Kyuubi, stop trying to strangle this boy!"

"He was about to fuck my little sister, 'ttedana! I caught them making out on the other side of this door, and her shirt was already half-off!" yelled Kyuubi angrily. Minato's eyes narrowed dangerously as he looked at his daughter.

"Is this true?" he asked softly.

Naruto gulped, even though it wasn't him that his father's fury was being directed at. He would hate to be in his sister's position right now.

"Y-yes, Father," she said quietly, refusing to look at him.

"You listen to me, young lady," he said in a dangerously soft voice. "I don't see anything wrong with you having a boyfriend, and I don't see anything wrong with you having sex, because you're at the age where every teenager needs to explore their sensual side. But to be doing it where anyone can see you?! That is unacceptable! You are grounded for two months, and you are not allowed to see your boyfriend at all during that time."

"B-but…" Naruko stammered, here eyes filling with tears.

"No buts," said Minato sternly. "Go to the room you sleep in, and don't come out until dinner time."

Naruko made as if to walk away, but then she stopped in front of Kyuubi, her body shaking with rage, and her eyes flashing dangerously.

"What the hell, Kyuubi!?" she spat at her older brother, who looked taken aback. "You never bitch at Naruto for dating someone! Or have you not noticed the fact that he fucks Sasuke into the mattress every chance he gets, or how they're always making out!? And you don't even bitch about how they don't use condoms!"

She stormed away, leaving everyone in a stunned silence behind her.

"Well, so much for not telling Father until you're healed and long gone," Itachi finally said to his younger brother, trying to make light of the situation, but Sasuke was barely paying attention to him. He was paler than usual, shaking, and wide-eyed, not to mention that he had been temporarily struck speechless.

"Oh. Holy. Shit. What has she done, 'ttebayo?" said Naruto shakily, almost as pale as his boyfriend.

"And this is a little ensemble I would like to call 'You two are utterly and royally fucked', 'ttedana," said Kyuubi nervously as both fathers turned their steely gazes on his and Itachi's younger brothers.

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Hehehe… The cat's out of the bag! Now what happens? How will Minato and Fugaku take the news that Naru-kun and Sasu-chan are gay for each other!?

Fred Phelps: God hates fags! Thank God for dead soldiers!

Me: #-_- Who let that crazy Christian asshole in? –Pushes Phelps off a cliff- Seriously…

Naruto: OxO Who the hell was that?

Me: -_- No one important. REVIEW PEOPLE! –Does my review dance-

Sasuke: -Facepalms- Really? '-_-

Me: -_- Yes, really.

Rick Santorum: Gay sex is just the precursor for man-on-dog and polyamorous activities! You are disgusting people with an even more disgusting agenda!

Naruto: 0.0 Who's this guy?

Me: -_- Crazy former Republican presidential candidate. Naruto, Sasuke, meet Rick Santorum, the former governor of the lovely state of Pennsylvania.

Sasuke: 0_0 Wow. Are they all this crazy?

Me: -_- What, Pennsylvanians? Some of the native ones are for sure… Like the conservative hillbilly nut jobs who go around with ballsacks on the backs of their pick-up trucks and guns under their front seats. –Thinks for a minute- On the other hand, they're in other states too, so they're not exclusive to Pennsylvania…

Sasuke: -_- I meant the presidential candidates.

Me: No; this year it's just the Republicans. :P

Santorum: If I am elected president, I will make sure that gays are thrown out of the military and that they don't get anti-discrimination rights or marriage rights! In fact, I'll make it punishable by death to be a homosexual!

Me: #-_- See, this is why I hate fundamentalist conservative Republicans. Get the hell out of my story, you asshole! –Pushes Santorum off of a cliff-

Sasuke: O.o What. The. Fuck. Was that?

Me: -_- Proof of how fucked our country is if they elect people like this into office and seriously consider them as front-runners in a presidential race. Please review, and if you must vote Republican, don't vote for Rick Santorum! He hates gays and women, and his last name is the name of a weird homosexual sex act that I wouldn't be caught dead doing! Of course, it was named after him to mock his dismal record on gay rights, but still.

Naruto: O.o Really?

Me: 8) Yeah, it has something to do with cum mixed with watery frothy shit being spread all over your partner's body or something.

Sasuke, Naruto: OxO EW! THAT IS SICK AND DISGUSTING AND WRONG IN SOO MANY WAYS!

Me: Yep. This chapter's over! Review and then go away! 8D