Explosions of Emotion

Sasori had been incorrect about the reason as to why everyone was gone when he and Deidara had arrived home. It was the next morning, in fact, when he’d found out that a wave of mission requests had just suddenly poured in through Leader’s mailbox. By the end of the week, everyone was at headquarters, and their bank was a great deal larger.



“It’s so nice to be able to relax a little,” sighed Hidan as he stretched out his arms.



As soon as Hidan arrived home, he had headed to the hot spring, dragging Kakuzu, Itachi and pretty much everyone in tow. Even Sasori had agreed to come along, although he couldn’t soak in the water like everyone else. Simply feeling the warm steam was enough to relax his body, however.



“Hm, you can say that again,” Kisame yawned.



Kisame and Hidan were the most chatty of the Akatsuki, so they dominated the conversation. Of course, all the others really wanted to do was relax.



Deidara felt relatively uncomfortable around everyone, though. He was almost certain that word of his and Sasori’s separation had spread to everyone. Leader had agreed that Sasori could stay with Tobi and Zetsu, as long as he didn’t wear out his welcome, but that he would have to continue being partners with Sasori.



It was so difficult for Deidara to keep his mind straight. All the steam was going to his head, not to mention the most clothes anyone wore was a towel. Hidan strutted around naked, but that was only because he was that arrogant and full of himself to do so. The real temptation was Sasori. He’d taken his shirt, and the remainder of his clothes, off, only covered with a white towel. Every time Deidara thought about Sasori, let alone looked at him, he had to adjust his position.



“So, Sasori, how was your mission?” Itachi asked the redhead casually.



Sasori shrugged. “I suppose it was relatively productive. You know, your younger brother was in the team that took down Zabuza Momochi.”



No trace of emotion or surprise crossed Itachi’s face as he took in the information. “He didn’t do it alone, of course.”



“No, of course not. His team leader is Kakashi Hatake, but even so, that is quite an accomplishment for a genin.”



“Notice how we always get the best information when Sasori pretends to be a kid?” Hidan sniggered.



Kakuzu and Zetsu simultaneously shook their heads. To them, the Akatsuki was divided almost perfectly into two groups: the strong idiots, and the quiet strong, who appeared less powerful, but at the same time were more intimidating. Hidan and Kisame were definitely in the idiot group, and everyone was certain that their mouths would most likely get them killed someday. Tobi wasn’t in a group at all, although Zetsu was certain that the orange masked ninja was definitely an idiot. Deidara was also in neither group, especially since he’d been very quiet lately.



“Hey, Deidara, you’ve been really quiet lately,” Hidan turned around and looked at the blond. “Tired from your last mission?”



Deidara shrugged. “Maybe a little bit. It definitely gave me some things to think about, un.”



“You got laid then, didn’t you?”



Deidara flushed with embarrassment, and he could see Sasori tense out of the corner of his eye. Not everyone must have known, then. Either that or Hidan was deliberately trying to get to him. Deidara greatly suspected the latter.



Sasori tried not to twist his towel too much in his hands. He would have loved to wring Hidan’s neck. Actually, there were many times when he would have loved to just tear Hidan to shreds, but this was the worst.



Itachi noticed Sasori’s behavior and put his hand on the redhead’s shoulder.



“Just ignore him, Sasori,” Itachi whispered.



“Maybe Sasori will tell us, then,” continued Hidan. He turned his crimson eyes towards the puppet. “Sasori, is Deidara a good lay?”



Deidara felt as if his stomach would dissolve right there. The anger that spread across Sasori’s face was terrifying. Sasori had never looked so ready to kill in all the time that Deidara had known him. Itachi was even slightly taken aback.



“That’s none of your business, Hidan,” Sasori replied slowly, his voice dripping with venom.



“Yeah, un, it’s not!” interjected Deidara. “Not like you’ll ever be in my pants anyway, you sadist!”



Hidan chuckled and leaned on the side of the hot spring near Sasori. “No, that’s not what I meant, Sasori. You know, I bet I could show you a better time that pip-squeak over there.”



Kakuzu coughed, obviously stifling a laugh, while everyone focused intensely on Sasori. For some reason, whenever Sasori was baited people always found it amusing to try and guess what his reaction would be.



Personally, Sasori wanted nothing more than to really kill Hidan. Tear him limb from limb, then poison him to make sure he really would die. Shoving him into a vat of acid would have been good too.



“Either way, I’m not interested, Hidan,” Sasori replied cooly. He stood up, making sure that his towel was constantly in place. “I think I’ve had enough for one night. I’ll talk to you later, Itachi.”



Itachi nodded and made a mental note to kick Hidan in the shins the next time he got a chance.



“Aw, Sasori, you’re no fun,” Hidan said with mock disappointment.



“Drop it, Hidan,” Sasori said, his voice low and dangerous.



“Personally, I don’t want to. You must still be fucking Deidara, then, since you don’t want to join me. I mean, look at Deidara blush!”



Deidara swallowed, hoping it wasn’t audible. God, his face felt so warm! All he wanted to do right then was sink into the ground like a puddle of goo, and not the good kind.



“Ah well,” sighed Hidan. “You’re missing out on some fun, Sasori, just so you know.”



“I think I can live,” Sasori grabbed the handle to the sliding door fiercely, wrenching it open. “Oh, and just because you’re so curious, I’m not still ‘fucking’ Deidara!”



Deidara winced as Sasori’s words slammed into him as hard as Sasori slammed the door. Great, he just wanted everyone to know that. Sasori just had to go and make it official, didn’t he?



“Hidan, you’re a total ass,” Kakuzu grumbled. “That was way out of line.”



Kisame was laughing, clutching the side of the spring for support, and a smirk crawled across Hidan’s face.



“I have my moments,” Hidan said smugly. “Too bad for Deidara, though.”



Deidara felt a mixture of feelings rise up in him. His eyes were stinging, as if he were going to cry, but at the same time his hands were shaking from anger. If he could have thought of a comeback then and there, Deidara would have shoved it down his throat. Unfortunately, his mind drew a blank, so all Deidara could do was stand up and leave with what little dignity he had left.



When Deidara was out of eyesight and earshot, he collapsed onto the tatami mat in the hallway of the bath house and let the tears fall down his face. Was it really that amusing to Hidan? Why couldn’t he just learn when to quit? He and Sasori never fucked, it meant more than that. Fucking was something you did because you were horny and wanted to get it on like a rabbit. What he and Sasori did together, that was pure art!



“Is something the matter?”



Deidara looked up, wiping the tears from his cheeks as he did so. Konan stood above him, her blackish blue hair more blue than ever. She was wearing a deep sea blue bathrobe that accented her features amazingly. It seemed to Deidara that a water nymph had come to his aid, instead of Leader’s partner, and, to everyone else’s suspicion, lover.



“What’s not the matter these days, un?” Deidara sniffed, trying to appear happier than he was.



“You don’t have to hid anything from me, Deidara,” Konan said softly as she sat down next to him. “I won’t criticize you for crying like the men out there.”



“It’s mainly Hidan! God, I hope that asshole dies a terrible death, un!”



“The most terrible death to Hidan would be a painless one,” Konan said with a chuckle. Deidara nodded in agreement, trying not to laugh. “Don’t worry about him. You do believe in karma, don’t you?”



“Of course,” Deidara nodded, then he sighed and leaned his head against the wall. “But even so, this is terrible. Sasori is doing things I don’t understand, not to mention he’s my partner. How are we supposed to get our missions done when there’s this tension between us, un?”



Konan shrugged. “You know, pretty much everyone in the Akatsuki has been involved with one another. Pein and I don’t count because we’re away from everyone else more often than not, but take Kakuzu and Hidan for example.”



“You mean Kakuzu sleeps with that jerk?” Deidara’s blue eyes opened wide with shock.



Konan nodded. “You’re relatively new still. Sasori, Itachi, and the others have been here for years, Deidara. Do you honestly think you could survive without contact for that long?”



Deidara shook his head while Konan wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “But still, it doesn’t make sense to me. I thought Sasori and I had something.”



“Well, that’s perfectly normal.” Konan poked Deidara’s cheek. “Don’t worry, everything will get better in time. It always does.”



“I’m thinking it’s a good thing to have a woman around here, un.”



Konan tutted. “Of course it is, or nothing would get done. Who do you think sorts the missions we get? Pein helps, of course, but without me he’d forget where he put everything.”



Konan stood up modestly and with grace. She offered her hand to Deidara and he took it, quite surprised at the strength of her grip as he helped pull him to his feet.



“If you don’t mind, I must excuse myself. I need to speak to Pein about something.”



Deidara nodded with a smirk he couldn’t remove from his lips, and one that grew even larger when Konan’s cheeks became dusted with pink. As he watched her walk away, Deidara figured that she was definitely right. True, he didn’t find out anything more about Sasori, and he was certain that Konan knew. It scared him how much women knew, and it scared him even more about how easily they could make it appear like they knew nothing.

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Later that evening, Konan lay on Pein’s bed, her dark hair spilling around her shoulders as she twirled Pein’s orange hair around her thin fingers.

“You know, Pein, I think Hidan might need to ease up on the attitude.”



“Hm?” Pein looked at Konan curiously. “And why is that?”



“I just spoke with Deidara, and Hidan’s been bothering him. Some of the things that Hidan’s been saying are, I must admit, a little bit out of line.”



“Well, Sasori and Deidara got involved with one another. It’s just the consequences of their actions, Konan.”



“I know, Pein, but if Deidara can’t focus because Hidan’s always putting him down, then that renders Deidara useless.”



Pein sighed and rolled over, kissing Konan’s collarbone. “What do you want me to do then, hm?”



Konan let her hands run up Pein’s arms, over his shoulders, and down his back. “Send Sasori and Deidara on a mission, perhaps. They need to resolve their issues. I’ll speak to Hidan personally.”



Pein let his tongue dip into the valley between the protruding bone on Konan’s chest. “Don’t cut him up too much.”



Konan gasped as she felt Pein’s hand travel over her breast and then lower. “Oh, don’t worry, I won’t. A little paper cut never hurt anyone, not enough to kill them.”



“Sounds good to me.”



“Great!” Konan sat up, much to Pein’s disappointment. “I’ll go file the proper paperwork right now.”



“Oh, I don’t think so,” Pein growled playfully, wrapping his arms around Konan’s waist as she tried to stand up, pulling her back towards him. “That can wait until after.”



Pein pressed his lips against Konan’s, kissing her passionately. Konan could sympathize with Deidara. If she were to ever lose Pein, her world would become hell. Maybe ninja weren’t supposed to show emotion, but Konan always thought that such a goal was completely unachievable.

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That night Sasori did not sleep well. He tossed and turned, trying so hard to ignore the discomfort. Normally being emotionless was so easy for him, but Hidan’s words had cut him deep. When he and Deidara had slept together, it meant more than the things Hidan did regularly. There was feeling behind his actions, and lots of it. Why couldn’t people understand that he did it all for Deidara’s own good?



If Sasori really wanted to be selfish, he would have kept Deidara for himself, but why couldn’t anyone see that he was actually the victim? He gave up everything so that Deidara could find someone who would be able to actually feel all of his touches to their full capacity. True, Sasori hadn’t completely lost his sense of touch, but it was fading terribly. That damned jutsu was almost complete, and when it was there was no way that Sasori would ever be able to be the same person he was.



Sasori rolled over again, looking at the empty spot in his bed. Normally Deidara would have been there. Sasori closed his eyes and pictured it in his mind. Both of them bare and exhausted, Deidara’s pale skin shining in the moonlight as it stretched across the bed. His blue eyes sparkling as he’d kiss Sasori’s forehead. Sasori would have given anything to be like that again. He never imagined that humanity was such a beautiful thing, or that he would hate to have lost it.

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The next morning Deidara awoke from a relatively good sleep. True, he still felt like total and utter crap, but less that he did the night before. If things got better soon, he might even consider moving back in with Sasori. Living with Zetsu and Tobi wasn’t bad, but Tobi was hyperactive and Zetsu never cooked, so Deidara felt as if he was playing mother to the two of them.

“Deidara-senpai!” Deidara looked up just in time to see a black cloaked figure hurtling towards him, pinning him to the bed.



“Tobi! Get off of me!”



“Deidara-senpai, you have a mission!”



“Huh? What do you mean, Tobi, I just got back from a mission.”



Tobi handed Deidara a plain envelope. “I think Leader knows you’re stay with us.”



“Yeah.” Deidara slid his finger under the flap of the envelope. “Tobi, get out of here, I’m naked!”



“Oh, sorry, Deidara-senpai!” Tobi hopped off the bed and rushed out the room, shutting the door behind him.



“Geez, what a spazz,” sighed Deidara as he tore open the envelope. He skimmed through the contents of the mission real quick. That wasn’t the part that concerned Deidara. He wanted to know who he was working with.



“I knew it.” On the bottom of the paper of every mission description, it said who would go on what mission. For this one, it was just him and Sasori. Konan definitely had something to do with that. Or maybe Deidara was just being totally paranoid.



Sasori also woke up feeling the same way the next morning, after reading the mission description. Of course he would have to go with Deidara. They were still partners. Something was definitely up, though. There was no way that Leader would send anyone on a mission hardly after they’ve been home for more than two weeks.



He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling stressed. Being around Deidara, alone, and for such a long period of time was going to be confusing and difficult to manage. Sasori still had feelings for Deidara, of course, and he knew that Deidara definitely missed him terribly.



Sasori heard and knock at the door, then someone entered.



“Sasori? Are you in here?”



“I’m back here,” Sasori called back. It was just then that he realized he was at his work desk, random odds and ends spread across the table top.



“You’ve been more evasive than normal, Sasori.”



Sasori turned and saw the eldest Uchiha standing at the entrance to his room, leaning with his back on the door frame.



“There’s nothing wrong with me wanting my space, Itachi,” Sasori replied, turning back to his work. “You of all people can understand that, I’m certain.”



Itachi nodded and pulled up a spare chair. “I understand that completely. However, you’re isolating yourself. I didn’t notice until last night when Hidan insulted you and Deidara, but you rarely come out any more.”



Sasori slapped his hand on the desk. “And what is it to everyone anyway? I’m an S-rank criminal ninja, just like everyone else here. Why do I deserve to be looked after?”



“You don’t any more than the rest of us,” Itachi said coldly. “But since you are a member of this organization, if you aren’t fully functional, it hurts the rest of us. So your well-being, in a sense, does mean something.”



“Right. Well, go on, ask me a million questions. I know you want to.” Sasori turned his brown eyes to Itachi.



“Not quite a million. Depends on how far you push the conversation.”



Sasori tutted his tongue and went back to working on his newest poison. It didn’t require an immense amount of concentration to make, but adding too much of any ingredient would be a bad thing. That didn’t matter to Sasori, who had made many different poisons in his life.



“So, tell me, Sasori, why did you really break things off with Deidara?” Itachi asked serenely.



Sasori felt his eye twitch with irritation. “Why do you think? It wasn’t working out between him and I, so I ended it.”



“If you say so.”



“I do say so!” Sasori shouted angrily, accidently pouring an entire vial of a toxin into the mixture, causing the poison to bubble and spill onto the table, burning through the wood like acid. “Dammit!”



“Sasori, I think you need to relax.”



“What is it with everyone trying to get into my business with that stupid brat!?”



Sasori stood up with such vigor that his chair fell over, glaring at Itachi.



“No, Sasori, you’re pissed because I know that there is something else going on here. You aren’t the kind of man to commit yourself to someone, and then suddenly decide it isn’t working out.”



“It was a mistake to get involved with him in the first place,” Sasori said softly with irritation. “I admit I never should have said what I said, or even gone as far with him as I did.”



“Sasori.” Itachi placed his hand on Sasori’s shoulder. “Please tell me what’s going on. I have to know what’s changed you. I’ve known you for years, and I’m concerned about you.”



“If I tell you, Itachi, you cannot tell Deidara anything. I promise you, I’ll kill you if you do,” Sasori focused his eyes on Itachi’s, cold brown boring into crimson red.



“I promise, Sasori.”



Sasori relaxed, allowing himself a sigh and his posture to relax. “The fact is, Itachi, I’m dying. That is the simplest way to put it.”



“What do you mean, Sasori?”



“You know about my skills with puppets. Only Leader knows, but in a sense, I’m a puppet myself.”



“What?” Itachi’s shock was barely detectable. His voice was so steady and clear, but underneath, there was a slight waver.



Sasori pulled his shirt over his head and stood up, letting the blades in his back open to their full length. Itachi didn’t even bother hiding the shock in his eyes when he saw the blades. Very few things made Itachi shiver, in fact almost nothing got under his skin, but the look in Sasori’s eyes when he allowed himself to extend the blades was almost one of disgust, as if his own body made him sick.



“One of my few weapons,” Sasori muttered, retracting the blades. “I performed a forbidden jutsu on my body many years ago. The effects are slow, but sure, turning the user into, essentially, a puppet. Before long, I won’t be able to feel, eat, smell; I’m losing my humanity, Itachi.”



Sasori swallowed and looked at Itachi with menacing eyes, but behind the annoyance and disgust was pain beyond measure. Itachi could tell. He knew what it was like to hurt more than words could describe.



“Deidara doesn’t need a puppet like me, he needs someone whole and human.”



“But Sasori, Deidara cares about you for you, not for anything else.”



“Dammit, Itachi!” Sasori swiped his arm across the table, sending the vials to the floor with a crash. “Don’t you understand!”



Itachi’s anger flared inside his stomach. He pushed Sasori against the wall, his hands pinning him to the wall tightly.



“No, Sasori,” hissed Itachi. “I don’t understand. No one understands you because you never talk to anyone about anything!”



Sasori glared at Itachi, his eyes filled with detest. “Try to imagine it, Itachi. Imagine being with the one you care about most, but being unable to feel anything! You can’t feel it when they kiss you, when they touch you, when you can’t feel anything! How would you feel if your lover told you that they couldn’t feel anything! That no matter what you did, there would be no way you could ever pleasure them!”



“Shut up, Sasori,” Itachi backhanded Sasori across the face. “You’re even more foolish than Deidara at this rate. You claim to love that boy, but you think that he’ll leave you if you can’t feel anything? That’s ridiculous, Sasori!”



Sasori’s eyes were wide. Itachi just hit him. A younger man just hit him.



“Remember that I’m older than you, Itachi,” Sasori growled. “It’s been almost twenty years since I used that jutsu, and in less than one it should be complete.”



Itachi tutted his tongue, letting go of Sasori and backing away.



“You’re a fool, Sasori. You have a year left. Tell Deidara, and appreciate the time you have with him.”



With that, Itachi left Sasori to his thoughts. The former Sand ninja stared at the floor. Itachi was right. What he had done was foolish. He was being foolish, and not acting his age at all. Deidara loved him, so there was no way that he would be disgusted with his body.



Sasori slid down the wall, leaning against it once he reached the floor. He’d made a mistake, and he needed to fix it.

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Author's Note: Man college has been crazy! I finally got a chance to update though! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. :3 Please review!