Scar Tissue

Chapter Thirteen

Two days later, Obito was scowling at his reflection in the half-mirror above his dresser. Kakashi had come over the day before. It had been pleasant. Obito'd found himself laughing, and the other man had offered to fix the leaky faucet in the bathroom. Obito remained at the bar serving drinks while Kakashi went into his back living spaces. When the faucet was fixed, he'd returned to the bar and sat, alternately talking to Obito or reading when Obito was busy with customers.

Then the customers had left, and easy talking had become easy touching, and that had become petting and kissing and oh, gods, Obito had felt like he could have happily crawled into Kakashi's skin and *why* did Kakashi have to be so damn sexy?

All of this led to one painfully obvious conclusion: Obito needed to learn about gay sex sooner rather than later. He didn't want to seem stupid in front of Kakashi.

He'd thought about asking Anko. Raidou had laughed at him, but Anko wouldn't. Would she? Maybe this was something everyone knew.

Asking Anko was out, he'd finally realized, because he couldn't be *sure* she wouldn't laugh and he hated feeling stupid.

Obito glared harder at his reflection. That left reading about it. The library, maybe, or the book store. But if anyone caught him reading gay sex manuals, they might assume he didn't know how. Things were so complex.

Obito grabbed his cane and limped out of the room, marching stoically toward the front door. He could at least go look. Maybe it would be private enough that he could read without anyone knowing what he was reading.

**

The library only had two books on gay sex, titled, "Gay Sex For Dummies," and "So You Want To Know About Homosexual Intercourse." Obito wasn't about to start looking at *those*. Anyone could see what he was reading, with those titles blazed across the covers!

He left, heading to the bookstore, shoulder and arm going tired from so much walking with his cane.

The bookstore didn't have a much better selection, in the five seconds Obito had to look before someone came around the corner and he turned, pretending to be interested in the row of shelves behind him. What were these? Books on dogs, he thought. He looked closer. No, wait, books on sex. Sex with dogs.

Shit! He flushed crimson and whipped away from those, only to be faced with the gay sex manuals again. He fled that aisle, hoping the guy hadn't seen him.

All right. This was fine. He'd just grab a book and go check out. Except then the girl at the cash register would see him, and the book, and--

There had to be another way. Obito realized he was staring at a rack of manga. He tiled his head, reading titles absently.

Wait. Did that say "Boy Love"? As in, gay sex? He picked it up, blushing faintly, and flipped it open.

Whoa! Definitely gay sex. His blood rose to his face again and he glanced around. No one was looking. He started turning pages.

But he couldn't stand in a bookstore and read porn! Sure, it would have information in it, but what if someone caught him? After an agonizing debate, he pulled five titles off the rack that were gay sex without obviously gay titles or covers, and then another twelve that were just random manga, hoping that the gay ones would be camouflaged in everything else.

Blushing, he took his stack up to the register.

"Bulking up, huh?" the girl said, tallying his bill and barely even glancing at them.

"Uh. Yeah," Obito muttered, keeping his head down, hair in his face. He blanched when she gave him the total, but paid it anyway. Man, camouflage was expensive.

He shouldered the bag and started the long trek home.

**

Obito spent most of the afternoon reading yaoi manga. By the time evening hit and he needed to open the bar, he was feeling a little queasy. He'd figured out the gay sex rules, he thought, which seemed to be true in all of the manga.

The little guy was always on the bottom.

Being on the bottom hurt, if he used the tears as any indication.

The guy on the top felt so good he couldn't stop once started, even when the guy on the bottom asked.

The guy on the bottom did whatever the guy on the top ordered.

The guy on the bottom did, eventually, enjoy it… but Obito wasn't sure the pain was worth it. Sometimes, according to the manga, there was even blood. He'd had enough blood in the last sixteen years to last him a lifetime, and sex with Anko was plenty good. He didn't need to have gay sex, anyway.

And then Kakashi sauntered into the bar near closing time, looking all slim and sexy and graceful, like some big cat just in from sunbathing. Damn him.

Kakashi sat at the bar, slouched in a stool, keeping half an eye on the place. "Business is picking up," he noted mildly.

Obito slapped a cup down and poured Kakashi sake. "Yeah," he mumbled, and had a sudden image of sex with Kakashi, all warm and sweaty and--

He blushed brilliantly and shuffled off.

"You should hire a band," Genma suggested from a corner booth. "Get some music in here. Draw people in."

"Yeah," Obito said disinterestedly. He pulled beer from the tap and handed it to Aoba.

"Everything all right?" Kakashi asked quietly when Obito headed his way again.

Obito blushed. "Of course," he said, too quickly. "Why wouldn't it be?" He left before Kakashi could answer.

He still didn't know what to do about sex and… and everything. Maybe these rules weren't totally absolute. Maybe you could do other things. Just because *all* the manga had been the same…

The night fled quickly, and as the last of his costumers left Obito was no closer to answers. He polished the counter and didn't look at Kakashi, who leaned with his arms folded on the bar. He could feel that steady, single-eyed gaze.

"So, what's really wrong?" Kakashi asked finally.

"Nothing," Obito muttered. Nothing he wanted to tell the other man, anyway. "When's your next mission?"

Kakashi was quiet, and for a minute Obito thought maybe the man was going to argue the subject change. Then he spoke, propping his chin in his palm. "I'm heading out tomorrow, but I should be back nightly. It's just recruit training."

"Those are still dangerous," Obito said sharply. "Be careful." Once upon a time, it had been assumed he'd be recruited for ANBU or something of the sort. But before he'd been kidnapped, he'd only ever been on C-ranked missions--except that one B-ranked one that the Fourth had let him tag along for. Jealousy stirred in the pit of his stomach. He frowned, sighed, and released it.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Kakashi asked, concerned, mask now pooled around his throat.

Obito shook his head, frown still marring his expression. "Just tired of being crippled and blind." A hand entered his field of vision, fingers tracing his tendons. Obito braced for some stupid, patronizing comment. None came. He slowly relaxed. "I have the bar," he said at last. "And I enjoy it." He just missed being normal. Which was funny, really. He hadn't missed it in all those years in the cell, hadn't even really realized how bad things were until he *saw* normal people again.

He felt ungainly and ugly, scarred beyond recognition.

Cloth rustled as Kakashi moved, the hand Obito was looking at traveling up, brushing along his jaw, threading through his hair and tugging him close for a kiss. They met halfway across the counter, Kakashi's tongue sliding into his mouth.

"I had a thought," Kakashi said after a bit. "It'll make you angry."

Obito snorted. "As if that ever stops you from saying what you want."

"My thought," Kakashi said with a smile, "is that I'm glad you were caught. Because if we'd saved you, then Itachi would have killed you, and you wouldn't be here now."

"That's warped and fucked, Kashi," Obito said, emotions warring between anger and a warm fuzzy feeling in his gut.

"I know." Kakashi smiled brightly.

Obito chuckled, jostled out of his ill humor. He watched as Kakashi sat back, stood, and ambled his way around the bar. His heart fluttered against his ribs, nervous and full of anticipation. Kakashi stepped up in front of him, so close he could feel the brush and drift of the man's chakra. The slim man leaned in, a hand on Obito's spine helping to steady him, lips teasing gently at his mouth, along his jaw, down his neck. A tongue flicked at the shell of his ear.

Obito shuddered, grip tightening on his cane, other hand rising to stroke along Kakashi's arm. Blood pulsed hot against his skin. Chakra settled against him, like hands sliding over his flesh. Down his torso, his legs, across his back--a blanket of sensation, teasing and warm. He pressed up against Kakashi, lean chest against lean chest, feeling the angles of muscle and bone so unlike Anko's curves.

Kakashi nuzzled against Obito's ear, sucked on the lobe, hand drifting from his back lower, pressing them crotch to crotch. Obito could feel the other man's erection rubbing up against him, making his muscles tighten, licks of fire spreading through his body.

Fuck. Maybe the blood would be worth it. Not tonight, but--fuck.

**

Obito grabbed the towel, drying himself off briskly before wrapping it around his narrow waist. He plucked his cane off the towel rack and leaned on it, heading out of the bathroom.

"I can't believe you're reading these!" Anko yelled.

Obito cursed and jumped, nearly falling on his ass. "Can't you knock?"

Anko tossed one of his manga on his futon. "You're *reading* those? Obito, those are *so* unrealistic. Sex shouldn't hurt! And you managed to find all the crappy ones!" She glared at him as if he'd done it on purpose.

"Sorry," Obito said, frowning. Why was his apologizing, exactly? "I mean, I knew they weren't realistic. That's obvious." Wasn't it? Should he have known that?

"Oh, don't give me that," Anko snapped. "It's only obvious to people who've talked about it, and you were in a prison for sixteen years." She sighed, banking annoyance that, Obito suspected, had nothing to do with him. Occasionally she just got these moods. "It's okay to ask, you know," she muttered.

Obito shifted uncomfortably. No matter how often she told him that, he had a hard time managing it. He just couldn't seem to swallow his pride.

Anko shrugged, skin moving under mesh. "I have a mission," she said, scrubbing her hands through her hair. "And I just wanted to say bye before I left. I figure we probably won't be screwing anymore, now that you're seeing Kakashi. Pity, really, but I don't want to make him jealous."

Obito snorted. "I doubt he'd be jealous." Kakashi could have anyone he wanted.

Anko just looked at him. "Right. Anyway." She walked up, putting a kiss on Obito's cheek. "Enjoy him. And get some better manga."

**

Obito was really too embarrassed to go get more manga. He tried, he really did--went to the bookstore and remained there for over an hour, trying to talk himself into buying yaoi and walking out.

He couldn't manage it.

Kakashi came to the bar that night, too, and they spent the better part of two hours talking about the Sharingan and theories on how Kakashi could use it better. The jutsu the man was working on was way over Obito's head, but Obito knew things simply from living with the Uchiha that Kakashi didn't.

The Copy Ninja had to leave early. They didn't even get to make out, really, though Obito was surprised when Kakashi came around the bar, kissing him swiftly in front of the room before leaving.

He blushed under the considering stares and several smirks.

"So that's the crush, huh?" Raidou said, not as involved as his papers as he seemed.

Obito glared, embarrassed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure," Raidou laughed. "Have you screwed him yet?"

Obito blushed hotly and didn't answer, focusing instead on putting away clean dishes.

"Bet he'll be good in the sack, what with all that chakra control," Raidou added thoughtfully, looking toward the door.

Obito slammed a mug down. The very thought of someone else thinking about Kakashi in that way made him annoyed.

Raidou just chuckled.

Obtio glared. "Aren't you supposed to be working?" he asked, gesturing to the scrolls laid out around the man.

That stopped the laughter. Raidou looked at everything mournfully. "Be glad you're not a working ninja anymore," he muttered. "All this paperwork'll kill you."

Obito didn't answer, busy thinking about Kakashi and chakra control and sex.

Obito didn't have enough chakra to make anyone think he'd be good in the sack. Fuck.

**

Anko said it didn't hurt, Raidou seemed to think Kakashi would be great, and all the manga he had told him the little guy was on the bottom. Obito supposed that was doubly true since his leg wouldn't support him on top; even sex with Anko meant she rode him, rather than the other way around. Since he was too embarrassed to ask, and too embarrassed to go get more research, and Anko was gone, Obito supposed he'd just have to find out for himself if something up his butt was good or bad.

He ran a bath. Sitting in the tub and feeling like a fool, he slouched lower in the water until his hips were canted upward, and put a hand between his legs.

He'd washed really well, too aware of what came out of that particular hole. Certain that it was as clean as it could get, he put a finger there and rubbed.

It didn't feel particularly good, but it didn't feel bad, either. Of course, he hadn't put the finger *in*, yet.

He pushed against the opening. It barely gave, muscles tight. He pushed harder, felt his index finger squeeze in to the edge of his nail. It didn't hurt, but it wasn't good. Just… weird. He pushed a little harder, until that first finger was in to the knuckle. It was tight, and it took a lot of shoving to get it in that far. Skin stuck to skin, and his whole butt felt like it was pulling in after his finger. He tried pushing a little farther, but the angle was awkward and it was just hard.

It didn't hurt, but it wasn't nice, and it seemed a whole lot tighter than in the manga. He pulled his finger out, dismayed at how little had gone in, and tried again. He got a little bit farther. Felt an ache, and wondered if that was normal. He tried pushing another finger in, but there just wasn't enough room, and that rapidly became uncomfortable, despite wiggling to try and unstick his skin from his skin. Just two fingers, barely to the first knuckle, and it was almost painful.

He pulled his hand away and stared at his flaccid penis. Assuming Kakashi's was bigger, since Kakashi was a bigger guy, he didn't know how they were going to make it fit. *His* wouldn't fit. His finger barely fit. Maybe the blood wasn't that far off. Anko wasn't a man, she might not really know. Maybe people said it wasn't supposed to hurt, and maybe it didn't for women, and maybe they just didn't want to scare the little guy on the bottom when it was two men.

If it felt good enough for the guy on top that he couldn't stop, like in the manga…

Obito washed himself, dried off, and limped to bed. He pulled the blankets over his head, stressed and unhappy. This was never going to work out.

**

He woke screaming. Little noises forced from his closed throat, noises that had been full fledged screeches in his nightmare, that were almost nothing in reality. Cloth trapped him; he struggled with the blankets and sheets tangled around him, writhing in a blind panic. He hit the edge of the bed and fell hard, ignored the pain that shot down his leg to scoot back across the floor until he hit the wall, until he was in the corner, sweaty and shaking and biting down hard on his forearm to keep from wailing. He tasted blood.

Slowly, terror passed. The urge to scream gave way to the urge to cry, and he couldn't quite stop the hiccoughing sobs. Obito buried his face in his knees, holding tight to himself, waiting for the world to dissolve. It didn't, of course. Instead, the sun slowly rose, spearing light through his dark bedroom. He calmed, hating himself, hating the weakness that sent the nightmares, that made him scramble from bed and hide in the corner.

He was pathetic and small, and he wasn't ever going to be truly free of that cell.

The sun crawled across the floor. Obito began to think again. Some small part of his brain told him to get up; he had things to do, panic attacks notwithstanding. Eventually, he rose and got dressed, struggling with buttons when his hands wouldn't stop shaking. He fumbled his way to the physical therapist's. She was waiting for him, flipping through notes on his chakra and leg.

"Ah, Obito," she said, glancing up. "I was beginning to wonder if you were going to make it."

Obito felt the chastisement keenly, glancing toward the clock. Almost twenty minutes late. "I'm sorry, sensei," he said, giving her a truncated bow.

"Rough morning?" She was looking at him now, eyes narrowed as if she could read the nightmare off his face.

He flushed with humiliation. "I--"

"Never mind that. On the bench." She gestured to the machine and Obito hobbled over, sitting down gingerly and using both hands to prop his bad leg up.

"Still having nightmares?" the therapist asked as she tightened straps around his foot.

"Yes, sensei," Obito murmured, still red.

"That's normal. Any changes in them? Or still mostly memories?"

He didn't care if it was normal, and he didn't want to be talking about them--not with the last one so fresh in his mind. "Yes, sensei."

She nodded and stepped back. "Push."

He did, twisted thigh muscle straining against scarred flesh. He grit his teeth against the pain, knowing that complaining would only earn him a reprimand and an order to keep going anyway.

The therapist was Hyuuga; skin rippled around her eyes, and he knew she was looking at his chakra patterns, trying to find ways to make them work better, just like she found ways to make his muscles work better. "I want you to start meditating," she said after a moment.

Obito just nodded once, focusing on turning the pedals of the weighted machine.

"Focus on simple jutsu. Next week I'm going to start having you try to build chakra strength by using cloning techniques."

He nodded again.

The woman frowned. "Have you been using your Sharingan?"

She'd told him to use it sparingly, if at all. Obito flushed. "A little."

"Damn it, I said not to," she snapped, and turned sharply away.

"But I can see better--"

"And you'll lose the rest of your vision faster," she said, gathering up ink and a brush. "No more."

For a moment, he was afraid she was going to paint something over his eye. But she bent over his leg instead, rolling up his pants and painting clean, strong lines over the scars. It burned, then faded. "This is going to be sore for a few days," she muttered, continuing to paint seals. "It's going to keep your muscles active even when you're not. Just deal with it."

Obito bit his lip against a protest and nodded. It really didn't matter how much he protested anyway. The nightmares remained, locking him back in that cell, and in the morning he woke and continued on with life just as if nothing ever changed.

**

He closed the bar that afternoon by the simple expedient of not opening. It didn't stop Ibiki from showing up.

"You would think," Obito snapped, not bothering to get up from his couch, "that the 'closed' sign would be a hint."

"You'd think," Ibiki agreed mildly. He poured two drinks and flopped down beside Obito, handing him one. "Bad day?"

Obito stared at his bare feet. He hadn't been able to shake the sick feeling he'd woken with, or the general malaise that seemed to keep dragging him down to the brink of tears. "Yeah," he murmured finally.

Ibiki sighed, lost in his own thoughts. "After Gai brought me back from Snow, it took months to get my act together."

Obito looked at him. "Snow?"

Ibiki nodded without glancing over. "I failed at an infiltration attempt. I was there for about three weeks before anyone realized I'd gone missing."

Obito winced.

"I figure it's probably harder for you. But I wanted to remind you that you have friends here."

It almost made him more depressed. Friends who wouldn't want to put up with his shit. Friends who had only known him for a little while, who had no reason to stick around. "Sometimes," Obito said quietly, "I feel like it might have been better if I'd stayed there."

Ibiki nodded. "I know."

Somehow, that simple agreement--not trying to convince him otherwise or tell him things would be all right--made everything a bit better.

They sat in silence and drank.

***********