Hunger

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto' and I don't make any money from these writings.
Warnings: yaoi, incest, ANGST, AU, unbetaed.
Pairings: At first KankuroxGaara but eventually GaaraxNaruto.
--
A/N: Sorry that I’m only now posting this chapter here on AFF.net, but I forgot! The original publish date of this chapter is the 7th of February 2010, that’s when I posted this on my fanfiction.net account.

I know that during the story, Kankuro's character has changed from sympathetic to more cruel and demanding. I didn't intend to do that in the beginning, but as life is, I learned how utterly annoying people can be when they pester sex from you or (try to) force you into it. So, I no longer feel sympathy for people like Kankuro, and that's why, there's no reason for me to portray him as nice.

--

Chapter 13: A broken heart

In the morning, Gaara was afraid to go home to tell the news to Kankuro. He was sure Kankuro would be extremely angry with him if the brunette found out that Gaara himself had revealed their secret. So, he would have to be very careful with his words.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Naruto asked in the hallway. "Maybe your brother wouldn't be so angry if there were two of us."

"No, it's better if I go alone. I have to face my own demons by myself," Gaara only said, hand on the doorknob.

"But what if he won't let you go? What if he tries to hurt you? Or what if he tries to... r-rape you again?" Naruto asked, his blue eyes dark with worry.

To that, Gaara didn't know what to say. Those things he feared himself, too, but he tried to not let the fear conquer him. What would he do if Kankuro really tried to hurt him?

"Well, let's do it this way: if you won't be back in an hour, I'll call the police immediately. Tell that to your brother and he will have to let you go," Naruto said, seriously. He would call the police, there was no chance he wouldn't if needed to.

"Okay," Gaara replied, feeling a little better now. He didn't like the idea of police meddling in his and Kankuro's life but it was the only option if Kankuro refused to let him go.

"I'll be going now," the redhead said, and headed to defy his brother, his intention to break the mental chains the brunette had created around him.

--

In the meanwhile, Temari was looking at his brother, a bit concerned. Kankuro looked like a mess, his hair uncombed and his clothes wrinkled. Under the brunette's eyes, there were dark areas, telling that Kankuro's insomnia was still an issue.

"So... How are you?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Never better," Kankuro replied. Just last night, he had been running in the forest with the teenagers.

Temari stayed silent, evaluating the sight before her. Kankuro had never been very open to her but had instead kept everything to himself. The brunette had also always been the one to take care of Gaara. In her heart, she felt a pang of guilt for abandoning his brothers like she had. But in the situation she had had back then, it had been the only possible solution.

In silence, Temari continued to inspect his brother and saw Kankuro emptying his coffee mug. Seeing how tired the brunette looked, Kankuro really needed the black, energizing liquid. Absent-mindedly, the brunette refilled his mug again and took a sip of the fresh coffee. To Temari, Kankuro looked even skinnier, gaunter and more tired now than before. What on earth had happened to him? Was taking care of Gaara really so wearing?

"Here's a 100$ for you, I think you need it," Temari offered Kankuro the money, staring at the brunette's worn off clothes. If she remembered right, Kankuro's clothes were the same she'd seen the last time she had visited his brothers, an year ago.

"I can't take it," Kankuro refused. He made enough money at the café already.

"Yes you can," Temari argued back, putting the money in his brother's hand.

"Well, thanks sis," the brunette replied, wrinkling the bill into the pocket of his black jeans. In his mind, he could already see what he could buy to Gaara. The redhead needed at least new jeans, a couple of new shirts and some sexy underwear. The last thought made him blush and he hoped that Temari wouldn't notice it. Or maybe he and Gaara should go to the movies, or to an amusement park. Yeah, that sounded like fun.

"Kankuro," Temari interrupted his musings. "That money is for you. You will use it to buy something nice for yourself."

"But—" Kankuro began.

"No buts. You always buy something for Gaara, don't you? When was the last time you used money for yourself?" Temari asked, and as she saw Kankuro scratch his head, she continued, "That's what I thought. So go and buy yourself something nice. The next time I see you I don't want to see you in those same, old clothes again. Got it?"

"Yeah I got it," Kankuro said quietly, thankful of his sister's kindness.

Right then, the front door clicked and steps could be heard from the hallway. Only seconds later, Gaara appeared into the kitchen.

"Oh, hi Temari!" he greeted, his jade eyes wide with surprise.

"Hello little brother!" Temari said sweetly and pulled the redhead into a hug. "I've missed you."

"Me, too," Gaara whispered as he pulled off of the hug. Seeing his sister always made him feel good, even though he felt bad that she had abandoned him and Kankuro like that a few years ago.

"So, now that Gaara's here, too, I think we can talk about the future," Temari said, and continued, "You're going to sell this house after Gaara graduates, aren't you?" Now, she was looking at Kankuro.

"Uh... Yeah I guess. After he gets out of school, we're gonna move into a student apartment and start studying at the university," Kankuro said, their futures all planned out in his mind.

Gaara's eyes widened at the plan, for he knew that Kankuro's utopia could never come true. Not if he moved in with Naruto, and he had to, for otherwise the blond would tell the police and that would be the end of Kankuro. But instead of opening his mouth, Gaara stayed silent.

"University, huh? Talk about high goals... Anyway, I presume I get one third of the money?" Temari asked, dollar bills in her eyes.

"Sure thing. But we've got one year until he graduates. We're in no hurry," Kankuro pointed out. Even though he didn't show it, he was afraid of the future and the university world.

"Well that's all settled, then," Temari said, closing the subject. Then she turned to Gaara, smiling. "How have you been, little bro? Got anyone special?" she asked, elbowing the redhead suggestively.

Gaara only blushed for an answer and from the corner of his eye, he could see Kankuro giving him a stern look.

"So who's the lucky girl?" Temari went on, unaware of the awkward situation she was creating for the brothers.

"He's a... boy," Gaara said quietly, looking at his toes. He could feel Kankuro's eyes boring into him right now.

"A boy? Well that's okay, I just never knew you were into... boys," Temari replied, patting Gaara on the shoulder.

"So how about you Kankuro, got anyone?" Temari asked, winking.

"You know I don't have time for stuff like that. I've got to work and take care of Gaara, I have no time for girlfriends," Kankuro snapped, hiding the fact that he wasn't into girls but into young boys instead.

"Gaara doesn't need babying, Kankuro. You take too good care of him, anyway," Temari argued.

"I'm not babying him!" Kankuro argued back, getting angry. "If you had stayed instead of leaving us like that, you would know!"

A hurt expression came to Temari's face at the stinging words. She looked down, her facial features darkening, and stayed silent.

"...I'm sorry," Kankuro managed. He hadn't meant to sound so rude.

"No... it's okay," Temari said quietly, the pain evident in her heart again. "I should go anyway. My bus to Suna leaves in ten minutes and I better hurry."

"Oh," was all Kankuro said, for he couldn't fathom anything else. To be honest, it wasn't a big surprise to him that Temari would leave as quickly as she had appeared.

Gaara wanted her to stay longer, but didn't dare to open his mouth. Kankuro was giving him a meaningful glance, telling that they needed to talk after their sister left.

"Well," Temari said as she walked out of the kitchen and into the hallway. "It was sure nice seeing you two," she continued, her voice already cheerful. She put her hand on the doorknob, opening it.

"Bye bye," she said from the front door.

"Bye..." both the brothers said in unison.

After that the blond woman closed the front door and was out of their lives, again.

Kankuro sighed and ran a hand through his messy brown hair. Temari's surprise visit was actually nice, but all along he had feared that their clever sister would find something out of ordinary and suspect abuse. Was he getting paranoid already? It sure felt like that sometimes.

From the corner of his eye, Kankuro could see Gaara staring at him. He turned to face the redhead, frowning, as the jade eyes reflected hopelessness and fear. Something wasn't right...

"What?" he asked, a sense of unsettlement coming over him.

"He knows, Kankuro," Gaara said, an expression of utter hopelessness on his face.

"Say that again," Kankuro whispered, slowly closing in on Gaara. Anger caused by fear was building inside of him.

"He... He knows," Gaara said, backing away.

"But you know that he can't know," Kankuro said in an ominously calm voice.

"Yes," Gaara said as his back came in contact with the hallway wall.

"So how come he knows?" Kankuro asked calmly, a predatory look in his hopelessly black eyes.

"Uh... he... he guessed it," Gaara tried to lie, for he feared that Kankuro would murder him if he told his brother that he himself had revealed their secret.

"No one just guesses things like that, not the blondie anyway. He's not that smart," Kankuro said. "You told him, didn't you!" he then spat venomously and gripped Gaara's hair.

"No I didn't, I swear!" Gaara tried, afraid that Kankuro would seriously hurt him this time.

"I don't believe you! Why did you tell him something as dangerous as that!?" Kankuro growled, hurt and disappointed. Fear was gnawing at him, eating away his sanity moment by moment.

"I... I..." Gaara tried, opening his mouth like a fish.

"Yes?" Kankuro asked, his eyes narrowing.

"I had to get it off my chest!" Gaara finally confessed, a pained expression on his face as he looked straight into his big brother's eyes. "I just couldn't keep it all inside of me, not anymore..."

For a moment, everything was silent.

"What did you tell him?" Kankuro then asked sternly, his grip on the red hair tightening. "Did you cry to him, telling heartbrokenly how bad I am to you? What lies did you tell him, Gaara?"

"No! I... I told him that deep inside, you're a good person. That I love you. And that I don't want any more problems to you," Gaara blurted out. His scalp was hurting and he could feel his eyes starting to water because of the pain.

Kankuro's eyes only narrowed for an answer.

"... And I told him how you protected me when we were children," Gaara added, hoping that his brother wouldn't be too mad at him.

"You stupid boy," Kankuro spat, and pushed Gaara's head against the wall, causing the younger male let out an 'oof'.

"Why did you have to tell the truth? Couldn't you lie!? Why the hell didn't you for example tell him that you ran away from home because you were abused, for example, by our uncle, and you now suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder? That you were having a psychotic episode and I ran after you, because you were totally mad? Did it even cross your little mind?" Kankuro spoke angrily, totally disappointed in his little brother. Gaara if anybody didn't know how to lie properly.

"But I..." Gaara began. He had had to get it all off his chest! Why couldn't his brother see that?

"But what, Gaara? Did you also tell him that you wanted it, too, that you were my partner in crime? Did you?" Kankuro asked, not willing to be the only one at fault.

"Did you tell him how much you wanted it, needed it? And did you tell him how you always moaned for me, begged for me to continue, begged for me to touch you? Yeah, did you tell him that?" Kankuro asked, his eyes sharp.

"What? But it was you who abused me! You raped me in the shower back then!" Gaara defended himself, surprised that his brother was trying to blame him.

"Alright, maybe once I did it to you against your will but all the other times you wanted it with me!" Kankuro shouted.

"There were many times when I didn't want it!" Gaara argued back, his voice raising.

"Well I'm sorry!" Kankuro growled, "But you always enjoyed it in the end. And how was I supposed to keep my hands off of you when you dress up so seductively? You wear tight jeans and tight shirts and have that emo look on yourself, it's like there was a sign above your head that reads 'DO ME'!" Kankuro defended himself.

"But you have no right, Naruto said so!" Gaara yelled, feeling self-conscious now because of his way of dressing.

"Oh shut up, you know it's not that easy," Kankuro said, his eyes like endless tunnels as he stared at the redhead.

"Kankuro..." Gaara began, looking at his toes. The part he feared the most was coming now.

"I... I'm going to move in with Naruto."

"... WHAT!?" Kankuro barked, his black eyes dark as night with no stars. "What did you just say?"

"I'm moving in with Naruto because he—"

"No you're not!" Kankuro shouted angrily. No one was going to take Gaara away from him, least of all the stupid blondie.

"But otherwise he'll tell the police!" Gaara yelled, desperate.

"I'm going talk to him, after that he won't be telling anything to anybody," Kankuro said threateningly, as he headed for the front door.

"No! I won't let you hurt him!" Gaara said angrily, standing up for his precious blond. Nobody, least of all Kankuro, was going to hurt Naruto.

"Oh, I wouldn't hurt him, I would just... persuade him in ways he'd never forget," Kankuro said slyly, a glint in his eyes.

"No! If you do as much as touch him, then I'll tell the police about everything!" Gaara said in a serious voice. He would do that for Naruto's sake, that was for sure. Now in his life, he wanted to protect Naruto more than Kankuro.

"You? You wouldn't do such a thing, Gaara..." Kankuro answered a hint of fear in his voice.

"I would for him! Now let him be!" Gaara said sternly.

"Fine! But make sure that he won't be telling anybody about this, you got that?" Kankuro spat angrily.

"I trust him! I'm sure he won't tell anyone, as long as I move in with him," Gaara promised.

"That won't happen, and you know it!" Kankuro growled.

"But I have to move in with him, can't you see that—" Gaara began.

"NO! You're not moving in with anyone, without my permission. And I'm not giving you away to the stupid blondie, you got that?" Kankuro raged, his voice so loud it probably could be heard outside the house, too.

"But they will take you away, Naruto will tell the police if—" Gaara began again.

"I know that!!" Kankuro shouted. He then closed his eyes and took a deep, wavering breath. When he exhaled and looked at Gaara again, something had changed in his eyes. "But I've got a plan." Now, a devious smile was on his face and Gaara didn't like it at all.

"No plans, Kankuro," Gaara said cautiously, backing away to the front door. His own personal plan was now to run away as soon as he could.

"Did you really think that you could escape from me, after all these years?" Kankuro said in an ominously calm voice, as he took steps towards Gaara. "Did you really think that I'd let you go, just like that?"

"Kankuro, stop," Gaara commanded. Behind his back, his other hand was already on the door knob.

"No, you stop. Stop striving away from me all the time. I've given you everything you could ever need, and still, even now, you must be thinking a way to get away from me. That's not proper love, Gaara... Haven't I taught you what love is?"

And then, Gaara turned quietly the door knob and the door opened a little, but not before Kankuro had seized his little brother's arm, his claws sinking to the black fabric.

"Don't you know that it's not smart to try that right in front of me!?" Kankuro snapped and pushed the door closed again, blocking Gaara's final escape route.

"But I have to go, otherwise they'll take you away!" Gaara yelled, in utter hopelessness. Why couldn't his brother see that it was inevitable for him to move in with Naruto?

"Nobody is going to take me away from you," Kankuro said sternly, and started to drag Gaara towards the kitchen. "I already told you I've got a plan."

"No, Kankuro, no!" Gaara said, wriggling to get free.

For an answer, Kankuro's grip only tightened.

"You see," Kankuro began as he took a knife, "I always feared we would end up to this."

Gaara stared at the blade and could see his brother's reflection. But it wasn't Kankuro's sane side that was in there, it was something much more twisted and much more horrifying.

"End up to w-what?" Gaara asked a cautious question.

"To this..." Kankuro answered, and put the blade to his little brother's throat, smiling like a madman.

"NO!" Gaara shouted, his body shaking from fear. The blade was cold against his skin and oh, so sharp it already hurt a bit. He didn't want this, not this way!

"Yes. You'll go first since if I die before you, you'll just run away, won't you?" Kankuro said dead seriously, his earlier smile now gone.

"We don't have to die," Gaara tried, realizing that this was the most serious episode Kankuro had ever had. Never before had Kankuro directly threatened his life.

"But can't you see... we're already dead," Kankuro said, almost sounding like a poet. "You killed us when you revealed our secret to the blondie."

Realizing that talking was futile with the brunette, Gaara summoned all his courage. He wanted to live, he wanted desperately to live with Naruto, and that he would do or die trying. Looking one last time to Kankuro's mad black eyes, he lifted his knee and hit his brother's groin with such force he didn't even know he had.

"Ouch!!" Kankuro growled and he had to drop the knife and let go of Gaara, so much it hurt! Sooner than he could even recognize, someone hit him hard on the head and all went black...

--

Slowly, Kankuro opened his eyes. Everything was blurred at first but soon his gaze sharpened.
It was dark now, the sun had set long ago. That meant that he had lost several hours.

Then, he remembered what he had been about to do before this blackness. Usually he only remembered fragments of his episodes, but this he remembered clearly: he had been about to kill his little brother!

Tears came to his eyes as he realized what a monster he was. No wonder Gaara had escaped in such a way.
What would happen next, he asked himself. One thing was clear, though. Gaara would never look him the same way as before all this. No, there would be always fear mixed in the emotions in the jade eyes after this. And that thought alone made Kankuro cry.

--

After two hours of crying, Kankuro wiped his eyes and tried to stop. God, how he hated his life. The only light he had ever had was now gone and there was nothing left. He felt like he was alone in the darkness, alone with his memories and the haunting nightmares that descended from his childhood.

Nothing good was left in him, not anymore when Gaara wasn't around. He wasn't needed anymore, he was worthless and forsaken. Nobody needed him, not even he himself. What good had it given him to sacrifice himself over his ungrateful little brother? In the end, Gaara had left him for some stupid blondie and refused to go on with their secret anymore. To Kankuro, it had felt like Gaara was relieved to move in with the blondie. It felt like Gaara was relieved to get away from him.

God, how it hurt.

Kankuro gripped his hair, pulled it, to cause some pain. He needed pain, it was good pain. It distracted him from the truth and from his thoughts. But he needed more, more pain. He needed it so badly that it tore his heart, tore his soul to little bitter bits and pieces. He got up and left the kitchen, ending up in the hallway. He looked himself at the mirror and saw his gaunt reflection looking back at him.

Was he really so repulsive, that Gaara didn't want to be with him anymore? Was that the case? Was that why Gaara had refused to be with him, because the redhead thought him undesirable? Was he too fat? For the blondie sure was skinnier than he himself was. Deciding that he would dramatically decrease his eating, he went back to the kitchen.
Everything reminded him about Gaara. The kitchen table, the chairs, even the carpets did.
Oh, it was hell.

And he hated it, hated that he missed his ungrateful little brother. His heart was broken, and he had never ever believed that it could hurt so much. And it was then he remembered the good pain, how it helped him, and he opened the kitchen cupboard doors. There were plenty of cooking ware and glasses, mugs and plates—all reminding him about Gaara and all the occasions they had eaten together.

With a sudden surge of anger, as he remembered Gaara's smiling face, he crashed all the breakable wares to the ground, until nothing was left but little pieces.

Just like his broken heart.

He dropped to his knees, and scrabbled the broken pieces, searching for the sharpest ones. He found a piece of glass that reminded him of a heart, a deformed heart, but a heart nevertheless. And wasn't his love for Gaara a bit malformed, too, for it was sick and twisted, it had all along been, but he had always denied it until now.

With one single, swift movement he opened his left wrist with the heart-shaped glass and watched as the red blood started to trickle down to the ground. It felt so relieving, almost purifying, to bleed. It felt so right. He felt like deserving it, yet at the same time he thought that Gaara should see it, too, for the ungrateful redhead had broken his heart.

He opened his right wrist, too, and looked as his both hands bled, like two red rivers running down to the ground. Only a little deeper, and it would mean his end.

Only a little deeper...

But he was afraid, afraid of the pain and afraid of dying. Why should he live? Gaara needed him no more. Temari didn't need him, either. Nobody would miss him, he was certain of that. Maybe he was smart and could get a good education, and plenty of money, but what did all that matter if his heart was broken?
His heart was so broken, that he could never believe it would heal again.

Unless the blondie died, and Gaara came back to him. But even then, he couldn't trust the redhead like before, not after today. His precious Gaara was gone, gone forever, and Kankuro clutched his chest, gripping his black shirt.
But why should he die?

Because life was rotten, because people were untrustworthy and deceitful, because Kankuro was sure that tomorrow morning, the sun wouldn't get up like before.

But those reasons weren't still enough for him, and he watched as the wounds on his wrists slowly healed up, against his will. The blood didn't run like before, it only trickled pathetically.

And it reminded him how pathetic he himself was, but his excuse was a broken heart.

--

In hurry, Gaara had gathered most of his belongings from the cellar and had of course gone running to Naruto's place. Or should he say, to his new home, for that's what it was.

It really felt strange to Gaara, to be not abused anymore. It had just ended. And it was then he remembered that Kankuro had tried to hurt him seriously this time. He had tried to kill him!
It hurt like nothing before.

Gaara looked at his minimal belongings: a toothbrush, a few paintings (plus the painting of Naruto), few clothes, Naruto's orange jacket (the one he'd confiscated from the blond in autumn) and his school bag. Almost everything about them reminded him of Kankuro, especially some of the paintings. But even though they were painted in rage of being forced to incest, they still somehow made him miss his older brother.

For the abuse aside, Kankuro had been a decent or even a good caretaker. The brunette had always made sure that Gaara ate enough, he had always taken care that Gaara was properly dressed, while neglecting his own needs.
It was all over now. Nothing was left. The future was scary.

"Uh... Hey, is everything okay?" Naruto asked as he entered the living room, even though he knew that things were probably far from being okay. Since Gaara had arrived ten minutes ago, he had given the redhead his space and time to think about things. He hadn't barged in with his worries and questions.

Because Gaara had rang the doorbell so calmly, Naruto had thought that everything had gone well with Kankuro. He had feared that the Gaara's big brother would've followed the redhead here, or that Kankuro would've tried to hurt Gaara. But since Gaara had arrived with his belongings so calmly, Naruto thought that everything had gone well.
Gaara looked at his now common law husband. He wanted to tell him how Kankuro had tried to kill him in a surge of insane rage but couldn't find the words.

Naruto was standing in front of the sofa, too nervous to sit down. He watched as the redhead's mouth was slightly open, as if he was trying to find the words. "Hey, you can tell me," Naruto assured with gentle voice, looking straight into the glistening jade orbs.

"He tried to kill me!" Gaara suddenly burst out, hurt evident in his words.

"He WHAT?" Naruto exclaimed, alarmed. He was so shocked that he had to sit down.

"He... He put a knife to my throat and for a moment there I thought it would be my end," Gaara said in a shaking voice. Before now, he had acted through his logic and reason but now, when he allowed his feelings to come to the surface, he was becoming more and more emotional.

"He put a knife to your throat?" Naruto repeated, shocked.

"But then I kicked him in the groin and hit him hard on the head with a frying pan, so that he fainted, and I ran," Gaara told his story, pulling his knees to his chest. He felt so lonely and vulnerable at the moment. What if Kankuro would try to come here after he woke up?

"We have to tell the police, now," Naruto said seriously, and took a cell phone out of the pocket of his jeans.
"No!" Gaara said sternly. "He doesn't need police or jail, what he needs is help."

"But the police would see he's not mentally stable and put him to some psychiatric ward," Naruto tried.
"No, that would be like a jail to him! Can't you understand that I don't want anyone to take him away!?" Gaara raised his voice. He had had a vague feeling that Naruto would try to play this 'police card'.

"But he's not a safe adult. You can't be around him anymore. And even when he's sane he'll just try to abuse you again," Naruto pointed out, stroking Gaara's back in order to calm down his boyfriend.

"But he needs me, still. Even though I live with you now I need to check on him every other day," Gaara said, grateful that Naruto touched him in such a calming way.

"What I'm afraid is that he'll try to abuse you while you check on him. Abusers are like that. And what if he tries to kill you again?" Naruto asked the heavy questions. His face was grim as he looked at the redhead.

"Oh... this all is so confusing!" Gaara sighed. "And tiring. Maybe I shouldn't have told you at all, that way he would've never tried to hurt me like this."

"You did the right thing when you told me!" Naruto was quick to tell. He patted the redhead on the shoulder. "Besides, he might've left you anyway once you'd become... too old," Naruto said, as if fearing to voice out his opinion.

"What!?" Gaara asked and turned to stare at the blond. He had never believed Kankuro would've left him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," Naruto apologized, looking down to his toes.

"You mean... He would've dumped me eventually anyway?" Gaara asked, surprised. No, his brother couldn't be like that.

"Well that's what most abusers do, to my knowledge," Naruto said. "They seek out new victims."

"Kankuro won't seek out anyone after me," Gaara defended his brother. He was actually hurt to even think that someone else would someday take his place, no matter how twisted it sounded.

"But he might," Naruto said quietly.

"We have a history. He won't accept anyone but me!" Gaara snapped, not realizing how defensive he was acting.

"I knew you'd take it that way," Naruto said, patting Gaara on the shoulder again. "But honestly, do you think he'd ever be able to be in a normal, balanced relationship?"

As Naruto saw Gaara slowly shake his head, he continued. "That's right. From what you told me about his childhood, he's far too traumatized to lead a normal life. Deep down, it's not his fault, but he'll just seek out new victims."

"That's not true!!" Gaara almost cried. He couldn't explain it, but it felt like Kankuro was already cheating on him.

"Well it's just one scenario out of many others," Naruto tried to ease his boyfriend's pain. "I know how you must be feeling now. But remember, he's not your ex-boyfriend or anything, he's your abuser. It's his fault if you can't be sexually healthy ever again."

Now, Gaara only stared at Naruto, unshed tears glinting in his jade eyes. He couldn't say anything, not anymore. All the feelings were just too much, they were too intense to bear.

And so he collapsed on Naruto's arms, letting it all out and crying, crying like he had never before.

--

Kankuro wasn't happy at all.

Rage and disappointment burned inside of him, gnawing at his torn heart. Unshed tears were almost streaming from his eyes but he refused to cry them—he had already cried enough.

How could've Gaara done this to him? How could've Gaara chosen the stupid, utterly annoying blondie over him, his big brother? Kankuro couldn't understand.

And he couldn't understand what had been so bad for Gaara in living with him. He had always protected Gaara from everything, from the outside world and from other people. What was wrong with it that he had made all the choices for Gaara? Life had been easy for the redhead. He had isolated his little brother, knowing that their horrible secret would bring Gaara apart from normal people and change the redhead's personality for eternity, helping Kankuro to control the redhead.

But it was all trivial now, for Gaara was forever gone. The stupid blondie had succeeded in bringing Gaara out of Kankuro's carefully prepared isolation, and this was the result.

Kankuro gripped his hair, pulled them and let out a horrible scream, sounding like some beast in agony. Everything was just too much at the moment. Gaara's absence was too much to bear, as well as the knowledge that Gaara now had someone else.

With these bitter thoughts, Kankuro felt the familiar darkness overpower him. Tendril-like feelings slithered along his body and mind, dragging him into the never-ending blackness of insanity.

"Ha ha haa... AAHAHAA!!!" Kankuro suddenly screamed and collapsed to the ground, because laughing out loud somehow eased the unbearable pain.

Everything was so goddamn funny at the moment. It was sure funny how Gaara had at first cheated at him with the stupid blondie, and then created a situation where Kankuro was left alone.

"Ahaha haa," Kankuro laughed bitterly again, but this time unwished tears streamed down to his cheeks.
It sure was funny how he had been abused since he could remember, by their uncle, in this dark little house. It was funny how he had found his meaning of life through Gaara, the most precious person in his life. And it made him laugh again that now that redhead was somewhere else, with someone else.

"AAAAHhh...!!!"

And it made him scream, that he was now alone in this dark little house, alone with all the pains of past and present, alone with the memories of good and bad times.

Kankuro thought about the knives in the kitchen, cold tears still on his cheeks. Somehow the idea of hurting himself for good felt fascinating... He was appealed by the idea of the cold steel's soft cutting on his skin, bringing him peace for eternity.

Going deeper into his musings, Kankuro tried to direct his thoughts away from the tempting knives. Maybe he shouldn't do anything too dramatic, for what if something serious would happen to the blondie? Where would Gaara then go? Yes... he would crawl back here. Then he, Kankuro, would be needed again. And that thought made Kankuro really hope that Naruto would die, just so that he could get Gaara back.

Kankuro's train of thought went deeper to himself, deeper into his past, as he willed himself to stop thinking about the annoying blondie. It would do no good to constantly think about the nuisance that had come to ruin his life.
When it came to life in general, Kankuro realized that in his own life, he had failed in many ways. Most importantly, he had failed as a brother. He had promised Gaara to protect him but ended up abusing him and putting him through unacceptable things. He hated himself for it but had been powerless to stop it. He had needed to do it, he had wanted it, yet he had always secretly detested it.

He had failed as a son, too, for he had never done anything right in his father's eyes. None of the siblings had in fact, so he wasn't alone in that matter. He had tried to act as model son but it had proved to be impossible. After their uncle had died, Kankuro had told their father about the abuse. Their father had blamed Kankuro for it, accusing him for driving their uncle insane and enchanting him into doing sin. Tears came to Kankuro's eyes again. What a lunatic had their father been, not to mention their uncle.

One thing he believed he had ever done right in his life was when he had protected Gaara from Yashamaru. He had done his everything to stop their uncle going into Gaara's room, sacrificing himself instead.
But what did that sacrifice mean anymore, when Gaara had still ended up being molested, not by their uncle though, but by his brother? Kankuro hung his head. In the end, the only thing he had done right in his life lay now scattered before him, ruined by himself.

When their uncle had finally been out of their lives, Kankuro had sworn he would never let any of the things he had been through to happen to Gaara. He believed he could have kept the promise if he had given a chance to repair himself. Their father had denied the need of a psychiatrist, saying it was too expensive and what was more important, that Kankuro didn't need one—for he had wooed their uncle and after that, misinterpreted his tokens of love as abusing.

If afterlife existed, Kankuro was sure he would go to hell. The fact didn't bother him, for his life so far had been a hell of a kind and some more torturing after death would mean nothing to him.

These heavy thoughts were enough to put Kankuro through a psychotic episode. And so from the depths of his troubled mind, a sly yet familiar voice started whispering to him.

"To give them what they gave me. To avenge!" Kankuro mumbled even though he was alone in the house.

"Yes... I will do it," he then said in a louder voice, talking to the voice inside of him.

And right away, Kankuro stood up and headed for the attic. There would be what he needed. In less than a minute, he was there rummaging through some old junk and a large pile of boxes.

"No, no... I don't need that or that," he mumbled as he lifted some of the boxes away.

"Where the hell is it!?" he then snapped to himself and threw away the box he had been holding. The stuff that had been stored away in it flew across the dusty attic floor.

"Ah, here!" Kankuro almost laughed glee in his voice. He was holding a red canister that had 'kerosene' printed on its side. On the corner, there were a few similar canisters, all containing the same liquid.

They were a part of their Father's estate, probably meant for the lawn mower. But as time had gone on, both Kankuro and Gaara had forgotten the canisters there, as well as the mowing of the lawn.

The first room he spilt kerosene in was the bathroom—from there everything had started for in there, he had at first been with Gaara. The second room was the kitchen, for it held most of the good memories—their meals together, they doing homework together and so on. Now, those good times were gone and to mark that, Kankuro threw one canister onto the floor where it emptied its contents onto the carpets.

Third came his own bedroom, then Gaara's bedroom. After those two places were soiled with kerosene, he moved to their Father's room. Again, he made the same preparations, as well as he did for Temari's former room that was nowadays empty.

Now, Kankuro had spilt kerosene to all the rooms in the house except to the ominous cellar. He was standing at the cellar doorway, looking down at the stairs that eventually vanished into the darkness of the windowless room.
Gaara had lived in there, until this day. The cellar was now no one's home, it was empty. Kankuro closed his eyes. Uncle Yashamaru had abused him in there. No one had heard his screams of help, thanks to the thick walls. No one had heard him cry in pain, nor had anyone heard how he had pleaded the older male to stop.

Tears were streaming down his cheeks again, thanks to the old pain. He inhaled and summoned all his powers, opening his eyes, and threw the half-full kerosene canister down the stairs into the blackness.
Now everything was ready.

"To give them what they gave me," Kankuro mumbled. Yes, they had burned his world down, Yashamaru, Father and now Gaara. And what could he do? He could at least burn their worlds down, the way he could. He would burn down the memories that still lingered in this disgusting house. He would burn away their energy that still existed in the dusty corners where sun didn't shine.

Kankuro looked at the packet of matches in his hand, and smiled slightly.
"I did it as you said," Kankuro talked to the voice inside of him. And the voice smiled, telling him he was a good boy.
Smiling wickedly back, Kankuro struck a match.

--

It was an evening already and the sun had set. Naruto and Gaara were on the bed, under the blanket, not because they were tired but because it felt safe and cozy. They had a flashlight with them so that they could see each other.
It had been several hours since Gaara had arrived, and both of the teenagers were now pretty sure that Kankuro wouldn't try to come inside in some insane rage. Both of them were now more relaxed than before, but Gaara still had a subconscious fear of Kankuro coming after him.

But Gaara's fearfulness was slowly melting away by the warmth that relaxed his tense muscles. As always, the fireplace in the living room was lit and it radiated warmness to all rooms in the small house. The bedroom they were in was like a comfortable nest, and Gaara felt like he and Naruto were invisible under the blanket. No one could see them, and it felt safe.

"I never thought that things would lead into this," Naruto said, "when I first set my eyes on you."

"What did you think, then?" Gaara asked, curious, as he looked into the blond's dark blue orbs. Naruto's eyes always seemed to grow darker when he was deep in thought.

"First of all, I thought you'd be a hetero. But then I cheered up and thought that even if so, we could still be friends," Naruto said and smiled sadly.

Staring into the deep blue eyes, Gaara sank into his own thoughts. He wasn't sure what his sexual orientation would've been if he hadn't been abused. But now, he felt attracted to a person, to Naruto, and it didn't matter to him what gender the target of his love was. Naruto just happened to be a boy and it felt natural to be around him, to love him and to kiss him.

"You've been lonely for all these years, haven't you?" Gaara asked, giving the blond's cheek a soft caress.
As Naruto only nodded for an answer, Gaara went on, "I've been lonely too with all my secrets, I just now realized it."

"Secrets drive you away from other people," Naruto knew to say. "And in the end, all you can think about is the fear of someone getting wind of what you try to hide." Naruto stared at Gaara for awhile and then continued. "I know now that it was because of your secret that you were so hard to approach at first. You were afraid I'd find out. And I did, eventually. But as you can see, everything's all right now."

"Everything's not alright, Naruto. I'm worried about Kankuro," Gaara pointed out.

"Which reminds me, we should tell the police as soon as possible," Naruto said. He wasn't going to give up on this matter.

"Not today at least. Maybe tomorrow," Gaara said quietly, inspecting the shadows on the blond's face. He had been thinking about telling the police but it felt like a betrayal. Partly, he knew that if they told the police, Kankuro would get help. But he would also be punished from his doings.

And tomorrow was Monday. How much had happened in just one weekend! Gaara had hard time believing it all was true. Then it came to him that he had promised to talk to Kiba on Monday. Or rather, he would let his fists talk. But Naruto didn't need to know that.

"Okay, tomorrow we'll call the police. It will be safer for us if Kankuro's not around us," Naruto said, pointing out the truth. Now, he didn't trust the brunette at all. Kankuro could try to do anything, and if he was under surveillance in some psychiatric ward, he could do no harm for them.

"You might be right," Gaara only said. "But let's talk about something else. I feel that my head explodes if I think about him all the time."

"Of course, I understand you precisely," Naruto assured. He then turned off the flashlight, leaving them in total darkness. "I can understand your pain."

In the blackness, Naruto came closer to Gaara, wrapping his arms around the redhead. Gaara responded by entwining Naruto in the hug, too, they being so close that their lips almost touched.

"I don't know what to say," Gaara breathed. It felt like all he could talk about was his brother and his current worries about the future.

Giving a soft kiss, Naruto then started to speak—or sing—in a whispered voice.

"When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella"

It was a song Gaara didn't know, but it sounded beautiful and calming. Naruto then continued his whisper-like singing that sounded almost ghostly in the darkness.

“You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come here to me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more"

As Naruto stopped to sing, a long silence followed.

"It was beautiful," Gaara finally whispered. It never ceased to amaze him how Naruto could express his feelings on so many levels: by singing, by gestures, by words... Gaara himself, he could've never even thought of singing his feelings to anyone.

He wanted to eternally bath in the light Naruto shone around. The blond was his own personal sun. Whereas Kankuro had been drowning Gaara in darkness, Naruto did just the opposite.

It was figuratively raining heavily now down on them, because troubles like Kankuro (and Kiba) just didn't fade away, and Gaara imagined himself and Naruto under a large umbrella. The blanket felt like that umbrella to him. Together, they were stronger against the world's storms and rocky roads. Together, they could make the figurative rain stop and make the sun shine again.

And right then, Gaara realized that this was the first day of his different, new life. In that life he wasn't abused anymore but loved in a normal and pure way. In that new life, he wasn't being manipulated, controlled or isolated, but encouraged to show his real feelings and needs.

"Thank you," Gaara said, as he realized that this was all because of Naruto.

"For what?" Naruto asked, oblivious of the redhead's train of thought.

"For... saving me," Gaara replied, using the term that had first come into his mind.

"No, you saved yourself. It wasn't me who told your brother that it was all over. It wasn't me who kicked Kankuro in the groin and escaped. I only offered you support and love, and people who receive those things, make great things. So you should thank yourself, for driving your brother away. It was you who was strong," Naruto said.

"Your love made me strong. But Kankuro's love made me weak," Gaara said, still a bit confused about the concept of love.

"That's because his love was tainted. His goal was to keep you under control so that you wouldn't try to leave him. My love for you isn't like that, my love will make you stronger," Naruto replied. "Think about it as some sort of remedy."

"Hn," Gaara only said in the darkness. They were still very close to each other and their breaths mingled. Giving a soft kiss to blond, Gaara wondered what Naruto wanted now that they lived together.

As the kiss ended, Naruto engaged them into another kiss. But this was fierier and more passionate than the first one.

"Naruto..." Gaara whispered as they broke apart. In the darkness no one saw it but his cheeks were burning. This felt so right, so pure, yet at the same time, Gaara was cautious of how he should proceed. Only hours ago, his brother had tried to kill him and that alone made his spirits sink. But then again, in Naruto's presence he always seemed to forget those bad things of his life.

"We should shower and then go to sleep. Tomorrow's a school day, after all," Naruto suddenly said. He wasn't sure where their kissing would lead, and he was sure that Gaara wasn't ready yet to anything more sexual, not after the happenings of today.

"Oh," Gaara said, almost disappointed. But then, after a brief moment of silence, he asked, "Can we go together?"

"To the shower?" Naruto asked, surprised.

"Yes," Gaara whispered, his hot breath hitting against Naruto's lips.

"Uh... O-Okay," Naruto stuttered. He hadn't expected this, not so soon. If they went together to the shower, he would see Gaara fully naked for the first time. The idea excited Naruto, and he could feel the lower regions of his body responding to the idea.

Gaara broke them free of the warm blanket's embrace, and suddenly it felt cold for the both of them. Getting off of the bed, they took some clean clothes and headed for the bathroom.

They stripped their clothes in silence. Naruto was blushing heavily as he now stood there, wearing only his boxers on. He knew there was bulge in his underwear already and he was ashamed. But he loved Gaara and felt attracted to him, how else would his body respond to that?

Gaara was already naked and Naruto noticed that the redhead was unaffected by their nakedness. It made Naruto feel even more embarrassed as he slowly freed himself and his erection from the safety of the boxers.

"I'm sorry... I can't help it," Naruto said shyly and looked away as Gaara took him by the hand.

"It's only normal," Gaara assured, even though he knew very little of normalcy. He led his boyfriend to the shower space and drew the shower curtain closed. He then let the warm water run down freely on them, and it felt like heaven after the moments of cold.

Naruto's face was red as a tomato and he kept his gaze averted. He let out a small gasp, however, when Gaara's body accidentally brushed against his erection.

Instantly, the jade eyes were locked on the blue, wide ones, as Gaara turned to Naruto. Pale hands cupped the whiskered cheeks as their lips met, engaging them both in a deep kiss. Naruto had to let out a sigh of pleasure as Gaara pressed his body against him, kissing him. And he let out another gasp as he felt the redhead's growing erection against his own. So, Gaara enjoyed this, too.

"G-Gaara..." Naruto whispered, blushing. His blue eyes weren't wide anymore but half-closed. This all felt so wonderful! Gaara was kissing him while caressing his body, and the hot water kept on raining down on them. Naruto couldn't help but rub his own erection against Gaara's, so intense were his feelings.

And right then, Naruto remembered the time when he had pleasured Gaara and the redhead had suddenly turned away, pleading him to stop. That Naruto wanted to never happen again, and so he broke their kiss, taking a serious expression to his face.

"W-We shouldn't... Not so soon," Naruto said.

Gaara gave the blond a studying gaze, before whispering, "Let me decide what I want and what I don't want."
Then, the redhead engaged them into another passionate kiss, that was broken by the blond, though.

"No... I don't think this is wise. I don't want it, this way," Naruto explained and took a step back. He wanted Gaara so badly it almost hurt, but it just felt that this wasn't the right time for them to take a step further.

"I'm sorry," Gaara apologized, feeling that he had tried to force his precious Naruto. He never wanted to do that. Absentmindedly, he took the soap and started to clean himself. His feelings sank as he thought that he had yet again acted abnormally.

Naruto seemed to notice this change in the redhead, for the tanned hand came to rest on the pale shoulder, squeezing it.

"I'm sorry, too. I just mean that... I do want you! It's not about that. I just think that we were proceeding a bit too fast here," Naruto told his beloved boyfriend. "Remember what happened when I touched you back then and—"

"DON'T mention it!" Gaara suddenly snapped, his jade eyes narrowed and cold.
For a moment, they just stared at each other, the jade eyes holding a hurt look whereas the blue orbs were wide and surprised.

"I— I'm sorry!" Naruto stuttered, gaping.

"Here's the soap," Gaara grunted and put the piece of soap to Naruto's hand. He then turned away to wash himself.

"Uh... Thanks," Naruto mumbled and started cleaning himself. He hadn't guessed that he had brought up such a touchy subject. But from now on, he decided he would try to be more discreet.

Gaara moved away from under the shower to give the space to Naruto, so that the blond could wash himself. They did this in silence, for neither of them found anything clever or useful to say.

And in silence they dried themselves, and after that, they dressed. They put on their normal clothes, for it was still too early to wear pajamas.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up the subject," Naruto finally said, looking sincerely into the calm jade orbs.

"Never mind about it. I just don't want to talk about it," Gaara replied. "It's not your fault what's happened to me."
Soon they were sitting on the living room and reading Naruto's music magazines. To Gaara's pleasure, one of the magazines had his favorite band's interview. The fire crackled in the fireplace like always, it was so quiet...
Suddenly, the loud noise of emergency vehicles broke the silence as the cars drove past Naruto's little house. The vehicles stopped nearby because the noise didn't fade into distance.

Curious, Gaara and Naruto went to the front door and it was then that Gaara saw his former home on fire...

--

A/N: The song Naruto sang is Umbrella by Rihanna. I thought that this song would portray Naruto's feelings for Gaara better than a dialogue.

The next chapter will be the last.