Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: March 16th 2006, Thursday
second version: July 25th 2008, Friday

.

Many times when I write, unexpected things happen. The characters know things that I don’t and so the chapters surprise me. This was one such chapter. But I try to just go with the flow. I am so grateful that they come to life for me.

.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

.
.

13: Altogether divine and post-traumatic

.
.

Naruto wanted to see how Sasuke looked when he was sleeping. He had wanted to ever since he had woken up that Monday almost two weeks ago and realized Sasuke was most likely sleeping in his room three houses away. It had been one of those things that grabs a hold of your mind and refuses to let go no matter how much you try to reason with them. An obsession.

He had tried telling himself that seeing Sasuke sleep was something he would be able to do once they were dating (and yes, Naruto was still determined to make the surly bastard his bride), but before that it would be tricky. You didn’t really have many options to see neighbors and classmates when they slept. Unless they for some reason, some time in the future had a school trip that involved a sleepover, but it was unlikely. Their last school trip had been just when Gaara had transferred in and the thing had been a disaster; not just a school trip disaster either, but a disaster for the whole unlucky town they had been visiting.

Naruto had had a dream one night, where he made a mission out of climbing the wall of Sasuke’s house and getting into his room through the window. And he’d made it too! The problem, besides it being a dream, was that Sasuke hadn’t been home. Naruto had remembered when he finally landed on the floor in Sasuke’s room that his future bride was on vacation. Stupid dream.

When he first heard that Sasuke would stay at their house for the weekend, Naruto had not immediately thought about the opportunity to see him sleep. His first thought had been ‘yes!’, his second had been ‘oh no!’. ‘Yes!’ because... come on. Why wouldn’t he want some time together with Sasuke without having annoying girls around or classes to attend? ‘Oh no!’ because... Alone in his room in the evenings Naruto could tell himself that things had moved in the right direction. Sasuke didn’t really ignore him anymore, his insults were more retorts to Naruto’s insults now, not battering rams designed to break down Naruto’s spirit; they communicated, in their own way. But when he was actually facing his future bride, Naruto was itching all over. Sasuke was so frustrating! Why couldn’t he just be nice!? Normal nice, not subtly nice-if-you-squint-‘til-your-eyes-fall-out. It was like he was teasing and he was so good at it. ‘I don’t really hate you but I’ll pretend because...’ Who knew why!?

Naruto assumed it was the combination of it all that made it so hard to handle; love mixing with hormones mixing with the frustration that came with being constantly sort of rejected by a guy you wanted to hang with. Three levels of relationship; two being held back by Naruto himself because it was not time for them yet, the other being teased daily with a weird kind of ‘maybe’ that sounded like ‘hell no’. Any guy would be itchy.

Still, Naruto had had no idea that Friday would turn out like it did. The first part, making dinner and eating it, hadn’t gone too bad. Iruka had seen every little thing as a potential fist fight and acted accordingly, defusing all insult/communication attempts. It had had the interesting effect of making Sasuke seem a lot less frustrating; not only because he wasn’t given a chance to do his teasing ‘I don’t really hate you but...’ thing, but also because compared to Iruka’s peace making all other sources of frustration faded away.

The second part of Friday had blown Naruto’s mind away. To say Naruto had been surprised when Sasuke said he wanted to sleep in Naruto’s room would be an understatement. His jaw had dropped, his brain had started questioning the condition of the ears it was connected to, he thought he had fallen asleep on his food and started dreaming. Even Iruka’s brain had questioned the conditions of the ears it was connected to. But Sasuke had said it again and he had ended up in Naruto’s room.

Sasuke had been free to go crazy with the insults then, Iruka out of the way, but he hadn’t. He wanted to talk, he had said, but he hadn’t done much of that either. Maybe instead of ‘talk’ Sasuke had meant ‘communicate’? He had definitely done that.

To say Naruto had been more surprised than he had probably ever been before when Sasuke came closer and kissed him would be... about right. His brain had been chanting ‘what if he kisses me?’ from the moment Sasuke said ‘I could sleep in Naruto’s room’, it had been chanting twice as fast when Sasuke said ‘close your eyes’, but when that soft, wet tongue slipped into Naruto’s mouth and the lips pressed against his, Naruto had still been so surprised he almost fell off his consciousness.

But could there exist a more enjoyable way to be surprised? Naruto strongly doubted it. Sasuke’s lips and tongue had just melted together with his own, sharing a taste of cigarettes mixed with cake; the dark gorgeous eyes had burned trails between them, when they were open. Naruto’s insides had been frenzied, his emotions had been frenzied. He hadn’t known what to do with himself.

He had known what to do with Sasuke though. Not long after the first kiss had ended, Naruto had gone in for a second one. He hadn’t planned on being quite so... aggressive, throwing Sasuke down like that, but when most parts of you are composed of mayhem it’s difficult to be... err, composed. Naruto had forgotten everything he had learned about kissing when he had practiced with Lee in sixth grade.

Naruto had known Sasuke was doing it to finally scare him away. He didn’t know when the thought had hit him, but he knew. It made sense; had hurt, but it made sense. When the kissing was over, mayhem still ruling, Naruto had yelled at Sasuke for being an asshole and using an expression of love as a weapon. Then he had confessed. He’d even mentioned marriage. After a few seconds of open-mouthed staring, Sasuke had started laughing at him. Through the chaos and embarrassment, Naruto’s brain had been amazed, ‘he’s laughing! He can laugh!’ It had added yet another surprise to the day.

It had also done a good job with defusing Iruka when he came in and asked what the ruckus was about. ‘I hope you’re not fighting,’ he had half-said, half-threatened, looking at Naruto; but then Sasuke’s badly held back giggle-snorts had confused him. Instead of taking something else away from Naruto’s life or moving Sasuke to the couch, he had given Sasuke a toothbrush and a towel and told him to use whatever he wanted in the bathroom. ‘It’s just down the hall, Naruto can show you.’ Then he had left.

When they were alone again Sasuke had managed to stop laughing and had looked as embarrassed as Naruto felt. Naruto had flopped down on the floor, crossed his arms over his chest and for a moment they had just been sitting there, saying nothing, doing nothing, looking at other things. No good insult that suited the situation had come to mind. The memory of Sasuke had burned on Naruto’s lips and his mouth had still been wet with saliva that wasn’t all his own.

Eventually Sasuke had snarled and got up. ‘So show me the damned bathroom,’ he had muttered. ‘Right,’ Naruto had said and showed him the bathroom. When Sasuke came back again he had gone straight to the mattress and hid under the comforter. Curled under a comforter Sasuke looked like a larva.

Naruto had left the room for his own trip to the bathroom and when his face greeted him in the mirror it had been a struggle to take his eyes off his lips. ‘Sasuke has been there’, his brain had said. ‘Sasuke was there’. Naruto could still feel the tingle on his lips and in his mouth, the taste. He neither brushed his teeth nor washed his face. When he came back to his room, a pile of clothes had been lying next to the mattress where Sasuke was hidden. Naruto had stared at it, not able to stop himself; had swallowed and hurried to bed. With the lights off, watching the ceiling, Naruto had mumbled ‘good night’. Sasuke had said nothing.

Naruto’s brain had been ranting ‘he kissed me, he kissed me. I kissed him back.’ He had tried to distract himself with thoughts of the embarrassment. He shouldn’t have said all those things afterwards. ‘I’m gonna love you until I die and then I’m gonna marry you’? How childish could you get? Naruto was embarrassed. But in the darkness, under the comforter, kisses weighed heavier than an awkward confession. Naruto’s brain kept ranting until he fell asleep and couldn’t keep track of it anymore. ‘Our first kiss, and second. He kissed me and I kissed him back...’

-

Now, one day later, Saturday evening, Naruto lay awake, struggling to not lose to sleep. He was going to wait until he was absolutely sure Sasuke had fallen asleep and then he was going to stare at him. Naruto had remembered his wish to see Sasuke sleep and wondered how he could have forgotten. Luckily, and surprisingly, Sasuke hadn’t migrated to the couch. Naruto could have gone downstairs to stare, one floor wouldn’t have deterred him, but it would have been a bit risky with Iruka; it was much safer to have Sasuke on a mattress just below Naruto’s bed. Still, it was surprising that the delicious bastard had stayed.

The day had been awkward. Sasuke had been in an ignoring/brooding mood, keeping his ears covered by headphones almost constantly. He hadn’t ignored Iruka when they sat down to eat, but he hadn’t looked at Naruto.

Naruto had woken up early that morning, had headed downstairs as fast as he could. The table had been almost set, the smell of fresh bread bringing some welcome normalcy back to Naruto’s life. Iruka had been surprised and instantly suspicious, asking ‘why aren’t you still sleeping?’ Naruto had sighed dramatically and said ‘I woke up!’ Iruka had asked about Sasuke and Naruto had said he was still sleeping. A questioning about what happened the night before had followed and Naruto had made up a story about some bickering but nothing serious. He was so grateful Iruka didn’t ground him for kissing.

‘What did you talk about?’ Iruka had asked when Naruto’s story had made him more curious than suspicious.

‘Stuff,’ Naruto had said.

Iruka had decided to let Sasuke sleep until he woke up on his own. Naruto hadn’t protested. He’d spent his morning cleaning the house with Iruka. Sasuke had come down the stairs around one, looking like he’d slept two hours instead of fourteen. Lunch had been his breakfast.

At first awkwardness and embarrassment because of that stupid confession had kept Naruto from challenging Sasuke’s ignoring/brooding mood; but eventually he had realized that if they didn’t talk about it now, when would they talk about it? In school? On the bus? With notes in class?

‘Say something!’ Naruto had exclaimed, turning suddenly in his chair by the desk. He had been pretending to do homework, Sasuke sitting on his mattress doing nothing. He had looked up slowly and glared for a long time before saying ‘fuck you.’

‘Do you hate me now?’ Naruto had asked.

‘I’ve hated you ever since I met you,’ Sasuke had muttered, going back to staring at the mattress in front of him.

‘You don’t hate me! You...!’ Naruto had shouted before remembering what came after ‘you’ and ‘what if Iruka overheard?’ and stopping himself, lowering his voice to a hiss. ‘...kissed me!’

‘Don’t remind me,’ Sasuke had muttered.

‘You don’t kiss people you hate,’ Naruto had pointed out and pointed at the brooding future bride.

‘You said it yourself,’ Sasuke had turned his eyes on Naruto again, like they were weapons. With gorgeous eyes like that, they probably could be. ‘I just did it to get you to hate me.’

‘You bastard! I...!’ Naruto had started to yell but Iruka calling from downstairs had silenced him.

Though it hadn’t been about the disagreement/communication at all. Iruka had just wanted them to go outside for a bit instead of sitting inside. ‘The weather is lovely!’ Sasuke hadn’t protested at all and had gone back to ignoring Naruto when they were alone again, outside; He had started walking, headphones covering his ears. For lack of better things to do, Naruto had followed. Sasuke had tried glaring, but when Naruto only glared back he had gone back to just ignoring. Naruto couldn’t put his finger on where Sasuke’s embarrassment was hiding or what it wanted to say, but somehow he just knew it was there.

Neither Sasuke nor Naruto had tried communicating again. At least not with words; they had glared at each other. Dinner had been frighteningly similar to lunch, only with different food, dessert and less light outside. They had gone to bed early that evening too.

It was darker outside now. The light stayed a while because it was still summer, but it got dark eventually. Sasuke’s breathing had been even and of sleep quality for a long time now, but Naruto wanted to be absolutely sure that he was really sleeping. The ceiling spread out like a pale sky above them and Naruto’s stomach swirled with nervousness; and excitement. He must have waited long enough now, right? Naruto took a deep breath before turning, heaving up on one elbow and peering over the side of the bed. And rolled his eyes.

Sasuke was still turned away. Instead of a for once relaxed face, for once not glaring eyes and a slightly open mouth, for once not insulting Naruto or using kissing as a weapon, there was a black tousle of hair attached to a larva of comforter.

Naruto turned over on his back again and pouted. Then he grew determined. He sat up, wriggled out of the bed and stepped onto the floor. He tiptoed around the larva, his stomach swirling again because it was so close now. When Sasuke’s face finally came into view, Naruto’s mouth opened and everything Sasuke had ever said was almost forgiven.

The throat was visible, shimmering, and a collar bone just above the t-shirt. A hand rested on the mattress close to his mouth. His bangs covered one eye. His forehead was set in a frown and his mouth was closed. He was Sasuke even when he slept; but at the same time there was a vulnerability to him that touched something inside Naruto.

“Hey,” he found himself whispering before he could decide whether it was a good idea or not. “You know... You make me so frustrated. And stupid. And strange. And... And high.”

Naruto fiddled with his hands. It wasn’t just this. Not just seeing Sasuke sleeping. It was everything really. This day. Yesterday. Even with the awkwardness and the ignoring/brooding from Sasuke, they had spent one and a half days together; just them. They had kissed. Twice! Naruto had had his tongue inside Sasuke’s mouth. His stomach swirled again, not just because of nervousness.

“You make all those girls stupid too,” Naruto said, as if hoping some thinking about the girls would stop those not-nervousness-swirls from staying too long. Having them around for too long would be bad.

“You’re an ass but they fall in love with you anyway. And you don’t care. They probably cry because of you when they’re alone, but you don’t care. You don’t like them.”

Amazed by his own boldness, Naruto lifted a hand and brushed the back of his fingers over Sasuke’s bangs. Soft, dark hair. He let his fingers slip underneath and reveal that hidden closed eye. He wondered if maybe he wanted Sasuke to wake up. He had started smiling. It was easier when Sasuke didn’t talk back.

“Why did you kiss me?” Naruto asked. “You don’t really hate me, do you? It... It was nice. Kissing you.”

Naruto found the memory of the kisses coming back to him, settling in his stomach like a... need, a craving. He had thought about kissing Sasuke before, it came with being in love, but now... Now he knew the wet impossible softness and the taste. Cigarettes were nasty, but the taste mingling with cake and Sasuke’s mouth had been strangely addictive.

“Did you think it was nice? Can I do it again?”

Two kisses was like really wanting candy and Naruto had a whole bag but Iruka only said he could have two and the rest of the bag sat on the kitchen table just teasing.

“I should. You started it.”

Naruto leaned down, closer. His eyes locked on the naked throat and the naked collar bone, and then on Sasuke’s lips. He swallowed.

“You kissed me without permission too.”

He saw Sasuke’s eyelids move, the frown grew frownier and the lips parted slightly. A soft throat sound seemed to say ‘come on in.’

“Okay,” Naruto breathed.

Then he crossed the last distance and he was kissing Sasuke for the third time. Softly at first, hesitatingly touching the inside of Sasuke’s upper lip with his tongue. His stomach swirled when the lips slipped further apart and he pushed in further. Naruto slipped a hand under the bangs and over Sasuke’s ear and put the other on the mattress. Tilted the head upwards and kissed harder.

A new throat sound came then, this one surprised. Naruto felt the larva move, felt a hand hit his shoulder and one hit his forehead. He couldn’t see because he had closed his eyes, but something told him Sasuke had opened his.

Another sound, this one angry, and the hands on his shoulders pressed harder.

One half of Naruto’s brain said he should just let go. Craving or no craving, this really wasn’t a very nice thing to do. There was a difference between kissing someone while they slept and keeping on kissing them when they woke up and seemed angry about it.

The other half of his brain was overwhelmed with desperation and begged things like ‘Come on, Sasuke, you don’t hate me. Can’t you just forget about pretending that you do for a while?’

Both halves were silenced when a knee found its way out of the comforter and connected hard with Naruto’s crotch. Most of everything was silenced really. Except his nerve endings. They were screaming.

Naruto registered that the world moved in some direction, or maybe it was him that moved, but he mostly registered the pain. He thought he was wailing, or something similar too it, but mostly he thought he was in pain. He sort of heard when Sasuke started yelling, but mostly… Mostly he heard the screams of his nerve endings.

“What the fuck are you doing, you fucking retard!?”

Oh, life was horrible. Love was horrible. Sasuke was horrible.

‘And I’m horrible too,’ Naruto thought and fought the tears. Now and then he caught sight of the ceiling. He supposed he was on the floor and that he hadn’t closed his eyes.

“Attacking people in their sleep!? Are you that fucking desperate!?”

“Oww…” Naruto moaned.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, suit yourself! I should do it again.”

Naruto’s vision started to get more reasonable. He was on the floor. On his back, rolling from side to side. First he saw his desk, then he saw the ceiling, then he saw Sasuke; beautiful, fuming and very awake Sasuke. Arms crossed over his chest. Then the ceiling came back, and the desk and so it looped.

Then the door opened. Naruto struggled to try and sit up and look like he wasn’t in horrible pain, but was sure he was failing.

“Are you fighting?” Iruka hissed, clearly not pleased. He looked like he had just woken up. His eyes had to search before they found Naruto, and the look in them changed from not pleased to confused when they did. He looked at Sasuke and then back again.

“What are you doing there, Naruto? And what’s wrong with you? Have you been bothering Sasuke-kun?”

Of course the whole thing had to be Naruto’s fault. Well, it was, but...

“We were just...” Naruto’s voice was a bit higher and more unstable than it usually was. He wanted to cry, No, kissing in itself probably wouldn’t get you even more grounded, but kissing guests in their sleep without their permission definitely would.

“He fell off the bed,” Sasuke muttered and sounded surprisingly casual.

“Naruto!” Iruka glared.

“I… I was sleeping!” Naruto lied. “It’s not like I meant to!”

But Iruka didn’t seem to listen. He looked at Sasuke and frowned.

“Are you alright? Did you get hurt?”

“I’m fine. I hit my knee on his balls, but I’ll be fine.”

“Oh,” Iruka said. Then he seemed to think about, before looking back to Naruto. “Oh... Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Naruto forced a smile. “I’ll be fine. No fighting.”

Iruka hesitated a moment before giving a soft smile.

“Alright. Good night then.”

When the door closed and they were alone again Naruto groaned in pain.

“You didn’t have to do that, what if I’m sterile?”

“Fuck you,” Sasuke muttered. “You deserved it, you perverted retard.”

“I didn’t knee you when you kissed me without permission.”

“No, you were too busy kissing back.”

“You kissed back too! You let me in!”

“I was sleeping,” Sasuke hissed; then he huffed and looked away, his cheeks coloring.

“I did not think it was nice,” he muttered.

Naruto frowned as he felt he should remember where that came from, thought for a moment and then realized.

“Ah!” He pointed at Sasuke, then quickly slapped a hand over his mouth when he remembered they had to be quiet.

”You were awake?” he hissed instead.

“I was dreaming,” Sasuke spoke slowly and glared at Naruto. “Or should I say I was having a nightmare?”

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and snorted. Then he realized something else.

“Hey,” he found a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “If you heard what I said, why didn’t you stop me from kissing you?”

Sasuke looked surprised at first, then he looked away with a snort. His cheeks were coloring again.

“I didn’t have time,” he said, but he was lying.

“You do like me, don’t you?” Naruto said.

“You’re such a retard,” Sasuke shook his head without looking at Naruto.

“You act all cool, but you like me.”

“I don’t fucking like you!”

Naruto hushed at Sasuke with a finger over his mouth. Those red cheeks looked really cute on him. They looked at each other, Sasuke’s eyes throwing lightning bolts and Naruto unable to stop smiling. Eventually Sasuke turned away, dropped down on the mattress and hid under the comforter.

“No use arguing with retards,” he muttered.

Then he sat back up again suddenly and his eyes lightning bolted Naruto again.

“If you touch me again, I’ll knock out every tooth in your mouth, I don’t care what they’ll do to me.”

He dropped back down again with a flop and a rustle of comforter and then dark hair was all you could see of him. Naruto still couldn’t stop smiling. He tiptoed back to his bed, the groin pain easily ignored.

“Good night, Sasuke,” he said, lying on his back looking at the ceiling. The smile didn’t fade even when Sasuke muttered ‘fuck you’. Naruto didn’t think he’d ever experienced a more surprising and eventful weekend.

.
.