Black Swan (not at all connected to the movie)

Hikari43837: Ha! I love writing this; this is one of my personal favs. Happy to hear about the nose bleeds; they are what I live for. Really, Sasuke’s one piece of trauma away from going completely Loony Toons.
RangerDanger1315: You will have to tell me if it was worth the wait!
ReaperninHiro: You’ll need it! ^_^
Always-Unpredictable: Oh, that was nothing compare to this!
creep000 and 00-night-eyes-00: Thank you!

Disclaimer: I am not experienced or an expert in BDSM. Do not use this story as a guide or reference for any sexual activity.

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Sasuke tied a restraint around the base of Kakashi’s cock and balls, pressing them together and out.

Though Kakashi had done full BDSM before, he was nervous as Sasuke looped his bound writs to the heavy hook Kakashi’d put in the ceiling for the sole purpose of hanging Sasuke from it a week before. It wasn’t the pain he feared, it was how his lover planned to break him. What raw nerve would he find—or already had found—and tease? What would Kakashi discover about himself? He had succeeded in breaking Sasuke down to a sobbing, needy mess, what would Sasuke be able to do?

It was a week after his birthday and the first night of their vacation. He’d been looking forward to this for a week, but that excitement turned to trepidation earlier that day. This was an Uchiha! What the hell was he thinking? Sasuke could destroy him with a glance; he feared what Sasuke could do with several hours.

Sasuke left Kakashi’s ankles unbound, tying only his wrists and genitals. No gag, no blindfold, just held him an inch or two off the ground. It was time to begin.

Still standing on the chair he used to be able to tie Kakashi up, Sasuke dragged his lips down the scar on Kakashi’s closed eye.

“Do I really have to dig up anything new?” Sasuke asked. “I already know enough to bring you down.”

“But I’ve dealt with that.”

“Have you? Then why a daily devotional to your dead team? Why do you refuse to speak with Naruto about his father? You still feel guilty, don’t you? You feel responsible for all their deaths. And it’s more than survivor’s guilt, isn’t it? If they hadn’t stopped you that night you might have been able to help your sensei. If you had been faster or more alert you could have saved her life. If you hadn’t been so stubborn he wouldn’t have died. Why did your father not find enough reason to stay with you? Weren’t you enough for him to live for? Why did he leave a child without a mother to survive without any family at all?

“And then there’s me.”

Anger and sorrow swirled within Kakashi. Even if this is what they had planned, no one could suppress the anger from someone bring up and exposing the blame they felt for every painful incident in one’s life. But Sasuke was absolutely right. On every gut piercing count.

“So much guilt,” Sasuke whispered. “Ever wonder how many I killed? How many suffered by my hand? How much more death was on your head because you failed to stop me? Ever wonder what tortures I had opened myself up for by leaving?” Sasuke voice suddenly grew hard, resentful, and accusing. “All because you put a mission over your student. You had me that night. You almost touched me that night. You almost saved me that night. You knew I was teetering on the edge, but you had a mission and you left me in that tree, alone. You left me alone!” Sasuke pulled his face away only to slap Kakashi in the face. “You abandoned me! For what? A mission?!” Sasuke moved his face in close again. “But how could you have known they were just waiting for you to leave?” Sasuke’s voice softened. “Waiting for the coast to clear to seduce me?” His voice turned to a whisper. “How could you know?”

Damn, he was good.

Sasuke’s lips feathered his ear as he whispered. “I was alone, vulnerable. I was shown what you could not give me. Or wouldn’t,” he added with a touch of anger. “You disappointed me. You failed me. I spent three years in the dark. It was you who allowed the snake to coil around me. Corrupt me. Dirty me. It was all your fault.”

Sasuke pulled his lips away from his ear, but he was still talking. “You say you love me, but aren’t you just trying to make it up to me, salve your own conscience? And when you fuck me, humiliate me, demean me, hurt me, aren’t you satisfying a sick desire to do what you imagined Orochimaru doing to me? What you always wanted to do to me? Taking me from Orochimaru, taking what Orochimaru wanted and I denied him? You take what I give you with glee because of that, don’t you? You’ve imagined what it would have been like, haven’t you? Orochimaru raping me. Restraining me with that long, disgusting tongue or with snakes.” Kakashi felt a small snake touch his back and slither upward over his crawling flesh. “They’re bodies slithering sinfully over mine. That tongue penetrating me as I struggle and scream.”

Fuck, Kakashi was painfully hard. He couldn’t admit to it, but his shut eyes and obvious erection were evidence enough. The snake vanished.

“But did you ever imagine me screaming out for you? Begging you to save me?” Sasuke’s lips were back against his ear. “’Save me,’” he whispered in a broken, desperate voice. “’Please, Kakashi, save me. Please, stop. Sensei, help me, please. Help.’ But you never came. You left me to Orochimaru’s mercy. What did you do? Instead of sending all your hounds in every practical direction to search for me, to stop me, you took Naruto home. You abandoned me.”

Guilt, sorrow, self-loathing, and arousal mixed with the imaginary pain and fear Sasuke was painting in his brain making him unbelievably close to cuming; might have if it weren’t for the tie.

He didn’t notice Sasuke and the chair he’d been crouching on disappear. He only grew aware of a change when he felt the sting of the cat ’o nine tails across his back. Fuck! he nearly screamed.

“Twice you left me.” Sasuke’s voice was scarier for the lack of anger. The cat ’o nine tails bit into his back again. “Did you get off on those fantasies about Orochimaru raping me?” The cat ’o nine tails hit again. “Answer me!”

“Yes!” The next whipping was the hardest and most painful. Kakashi was certain Sasuke drew blood with that one. Sasuke gave him one more strike for good measure. Kakashi didn’t hear the cat ’o nine tails drop over his own ragged breathing.

Kakashi jumped when he felt Sasuke gentle touch on the hot, red welts on his back. His touch was painfully tender, almost like Sasuke was touching something delicate or sacred. That made the tears drop from his eyes. He wanted to beg Sasuke not to touch him; not because of the sting of those welts being touched, but that he couldn’t stand Sasuke’s gentleness. Sasuke had succeeded in making Kakashi feel completely unworthy of tenderness or affection or love or from Sasuke.

Sasuke traced those red welts and then let his finger trail down to Kakashi’s sensitive lower back. It felt so good. Even as Sasuke traced meaningless designs on his hip, Sasuke leaned in to cool the angry lines with his wet tongue. Kakashi shivered. Then Sasuke was gone again. But the cat ’o nine tails was back. The pain was more intense after the respite.

“Why didn’t you run after me? Why didn’t you come for me?” The pain was intense as the welts already on his back grew angrier.

“I don’t know,” Kakashi gasped.

“Wrong answer.” Sasuke swung again. “You’ve had four years to think about it; you know why.” Another swing. Kakashi bent his arms, clawing at his bonds, raising himself up. “Why?!” Another swing. He stopped and let Kakashi catch his breath. “Why?” he asked again in a lower voice.

“I feared Orochimaru.” He was surprised by the vicious swipe. Kakashi finally cried out.

The tender touch was back. The light touches fell down his back, so light that Sasuke’s fingers lost contact several times. His fingers fell down over his untouched ass. His fingertips began again at his shoulders. The third time, they were nails. Kakashi cried out again.

“Please,” he whimpered.

“Please what? You better not be asking me stop. You have no right to ask me to stop.”

“Please forgive me.” He was answered by a slap to the welts. Kakashi bit back a cry. “Please, Sasuke, forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Sasuke silently brought the chair up and crouched on it again to whisper in Kakashi’s ear. “I forgive you. I forgive your weakness. Your fear. Your cowardice. Your unworthiness. Your pathetic existence.” That last line Sasuke was inspired by his brother’s speech the night he murdered their clan and it gave Sasuke a slight chill to hear himself say it.

Sasuke’s hand forced itself between Kakashi’s legs and gripped his scrotum. “But your inability to protect your students . . . You couldn’t—wouldn’t—protect your precious black swan. You let the snake coil around your swan and you did nothing!” Sasuke drew his nail over the taut flesh. Kakashi kept his mouth shut, but his throat screamed. “I don’t know if I can forgive that.” Sasuke pressed his nails into the reddened flesh. Kakashi whimpered, unwilling to open his mouth.

Sasuke stood on the chair and gave Kakashi a little more slack. He moved the chair out of the way and pressed up against him, put his arms around him. The salty sweat on Sasuke’s chest irritated the welts on Kakashi’s back. Sasuke rubbed his hand over Kakashi’s mouth, smearing the salvia that had escaped.

“So worthless. Who were you ever able to save? All you could do was imagine my suffering and jerk off.” Sasuke suited his action to his words, stroking Kakashi with his saliva slicked hand. “You could never save me, too scared, too helpless. What makes you think you’re worthy to even touch me?

“Who could you ever save? Obito was the one who went after Rin. Obito died saving your life and gave you that eye.” Sasuke caressed Kakashi’s chest, making sure to tease a nipple. “He saves you so often. But not even with that eye could you save Rin. Or your sensei. How worthless you must feel? Your father couldn’t even bring himself to live for you. How awful for you. You feel that guilt and unworthiness, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Kakashi sighed.

“You want forgiveness, don’t you? Forgiveness for leaving me, abandoning me? For letting everyone you care about die? For not being a thing worth living for?”

“Yes.”

Sasuke snaked a hand over Kakashi’s throat and squeezed. “Why should you have forgiveness? You accepted that I might be being raped and you did nothing but jack off?!?!” He was still stroking Kakashi while chocking off his air. “What did you do the night any of them died? The same? Or was I the only one whose suffering turned you on?” Sasuke let go of both his cock and throat at the same time with an air of disgust. Kakashi sucked in lung fulls of air, very close to blacking out.

Sasuke walked around to Kakashi’s front and gripped the back of his head, pulling his face down to look into his angry and disgusted eyes. They remained black; Sasuke having agreed to leave this all in the real world. Sasuke did not let any of the pity or love he had for him bleed into his eyes. Kakashi was a mess, tears staining his cheeks and some drool leaking from the sides of his mouth, some of it smeared around by his hand. That one open eye was pleading.

“You don’t deserve pity.” Sasuke put a hand on the side of Kakashi’s face, still using the other to restrain his head. He caressed the scar down his eyelid with his thumb. “You don’t deserve such a gift.” Sasuke pressed his thumb next to it as if he would pluck it out. “You deserve no less,” he said refereeing to the possibility of Sasuke plucking it out. “Tell me, what image excited you the most while I hid underground with that snake?”

Kakashi wouldn’t speak. Sasuke punch him in the stomach. It was almost enough to knock the wind out of him.

“I asked you a question.”

“You restrained on his bed,” Kakashi admitted, “caressing your body with his tongue.”

This time, Sasuke struck his erect cock and balls, slapping them hard. Kakashi screamed.

“You sick bastard,” Sasuke growled. “I was thirteen. Fantasying about a thirteen year old being molested, raped!” Sasuke grabbed Kakashi’s jaw to force him to look into his loathing eyes. “Pathetic.” He took his hand away to slap him; both his cheeks now red.

Sasuke walked around him. Kakashi stiffened when he heard Sasuke unsheathe his sword. The sword cut him from the hook and he collapsed to the ground.

“Beg for forgiveness,” Sasuke said coldly.

Kakashi turned and crawled to Sasuke. He kissed the side of Sasuke’s ankle. “Please forgive me, Sasuke. Please, my love. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.” He kissed his ankle again. “I don’t deserve you. Please.”

Sasuke pulled his foot away slowly. Sasuke used his infamous speed to move behind him and grabbed Kakashi’s tied wrists, pulling them behind him, and pressed Kakashi’s head down into the carpet with his foot, not unlike how Kakashi had him during the bell test.

“’You can’t step on Sasuke-kun like he’s some kind of bug,’” Sasuke said in Sakura’s voice. “You remember that?” Sasuke asked in his own voice. “You remember lying to her? You lied to her. You lied to yourself. You knew after our fight on the roof of the hospital that we could never go back to the way things were.

“But you didn’t just abandon me, you sloughed Naruto and Sakura off too. Or did they leave you? So worthless. You weren’t even worthy to teach the class clown or the one with all the book smarts. How pathetic. We all left you, didn’t we? We all found better masters. But how could you compare to the Sanin?

“Don’t you think the other Jounin whisper about that? How the great Hatake Kakashi, the great Copy Ninja, Kakashi of the Sharingan,” Sasuke seemed to spit that title out with contempt, “the student of Yondamie, couldn’t even hang on to his students for one year. How you had your students taken away from you. Oh, how they must pity you for losing your students. for being so pathetic to lose your students. Oh, how they must look down on you. Pitied among your peers. Admit it, you are a complete failure, you’ve always felt like a failure.”

“Yes.” Kakashi was crying now, broken. Sasuke had modulated his voice perfectly the entire time to be slightly hypnotic and that dug further and further into Kakashi’s mind. “Yes. I’m sorry. I failed you.”

Sasuke knelt down and pressed two lubed fingers into Kakashi’s body just to ensure he was loose enough. His fingers were replaced by his cock. It hurt, but not badly. With his hands tied behind his back, Kakashi supported himself with his head against the ground. Sasuke fucked him, moving his hips in a circular motion. After a while, Sasuke unclasped the restraints around Kakashi’s wrists and tossed them aside. He pulled Kakashi back against him and caressed his face lovingly as he slowly fucked him.

“I forgive you. I love you,” Sasuke whispered. “I know there was nothing you could do to save Yondamie; he never would have let you help. Rin’s death was not your fault, nor was Obito’s. If anything, Yondamie should have told you that the kunai would bring him to your aid and he should have counseled you better about your father and the rigid rules you made for yourself. And your father thought he was sparing you his shame. It all must have been just too much to bare. He believed in your strength to survive and endure. None of it was your fault. You’ve been blaming yourself for far too long without cause. They may have all died, but you’ve saved far more lives.

“As for me, I wasn’t salvageable. There was nothing you could do. Once you left me on that tree branch, I was lost to you. I do wish you had stayed with me that night. Or taken me with you.” Sasuke nuzzled his lips in Kakashi’s hair. “What happened to me was only the fault of Orochimaru, my brother, and myself. You are not to blame.

“Your students were taken from you, but not because you were unworthy, but because you were needed as a Jounin and I was gone and Naruto needed to be kept secure in Jiraiya’s keeping. Sakura was the only one left. Nothing was your fault, sensei. No one looks down on you or pities you. You are the most respected and one of the most feared shinobi in the world. If there is a stain on you, it’s me. And I am sorry. Let go of your guilt.”

Sasuke removed the tie around Kakashi’s cock and they cam together. Kakashi went limp in his arms. Sasuke sucked his teeth as he realized he had to move Kakashi’s larger body. With a pair of clones, he managed to lay Kakashi out on the bed, careful to make sure he was on his stomach.

Sasuke brought out a salve and applied it to Kakashi’s marked back. Kakashi woke up and hissed when the cold cream touched his hot welts.

“You were the one who bought the cat ‘o nine tails,” Sasuke said as he continued. “You’re sleeping on your stomach for a while.”

“Looks that way. How bad is it?” Kakashi’s voice was cracked.

“I didn’t hit you that hard. The skin never broke.”

“I would have sworn it had.”

“Been whipped often?”

“A few times, only once like this.”

“They didn’t scar you. These shouldn’t scar you either. But I do want to leave a lasting mark.”

“Next time.”

Sasuke applied gauze and raised Kakashi up to wrap the bandage around him. Sasuke finished by kissing him.

“You’re alright?”

“Fine. I didn’t think you could use those old wounds against me.”

“I’m not so old.”

“True.”

“Did you really jack off to think of me with Orochimaru?”

“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

Sasuke put his lips to Kakashi’s ear. “Honestly, I jacked off thinking about it too. But you are in trouble.” Kakashi felt a lead weight settle in his stomach. “Later.”

Completely serious, Kakashi said, “If I had any inclination that they were coming for you that night, I would have stayed or taken you with me.”

Sasuke became serious as well. “The state I was in that night . . . I hated you for leaving me like that. I wanted you to stay, but I was too proud and too angry to ask.”

Kakashi sat up on his haunches. “I’m sorry, I should have stayed. I really was in agony. When I found Naruto and the rain had erased your scent, and where I found Naruto, I was sure it was futile to go after you. You had made your choice and nothing could sway you. But I was in agony.” Kakashi’s emotions were still close to the surface and tears fell from his eyes. Sasuke kissed him, but Kakashi took over and kissed him more passionately than he ever had before, laying claim to every millimeter of his mouth. He only stopped when he became lightheaded from too little oxygen. “I’m utterly in love with you.”

“I love you. And I forgive you. I actually have very few regrets about leaving to be honest. All’s well that ends well, don’t you think?”

“Ah.” Kakashi kissed his lips once more before laying back down. On his back. He bolted up at the pain, suffered Sasuke’s amusement, and turned onto his stomach. Sasuke slithered in beside him.

“But I think you need to buy a bigger bed.”

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I hope you all enjoyed that (expecting a scathing admonishment from DarkAngelJudas though). I’ve never actually been involved in something like this, but I knew people who did. I hope I did it justice. Cheers!