Fade In

Fade In

Chapter Fourteen – Progression

…

“Kakashi! You careless little shit!”

Her blood soaked hands worked furiously to heal the deep wounds on his body, heedless of the crimson pool staining her knees and bathroom floor. Suppressing the urge to smack him upside the head, she instead glared angrily–worriedly–at his unconscious form. She wiped the sweat from her brow, unknowingly smearing his blood on her forehead and continued to send her healing chakra throughout his body.

…

He’d been awake for a while now, silently watching her hunched over form as she slept by the bedside, still smeared with his blood as if it was the most natural thing in the world. His hand came up to brush aside some of the loose strands of pink and she shifted when the rough pads of his fingers trailed down her cheek. She unconsciously grasped his hand and pulled it in, curled her own fingers around his and held it to her chest.

Kakashi hadn’t been anticipating coming back from the short mission all wounded and beat up. Like always, it was supposed to be an easy one, but easy ones were hardly ever what they seemed. Never really one for hospitals unless absolutely necessary, he opted to take the few extra minutes and stop by Sakura’s place.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t guessed right the severity of his wounds and blacked out a few moments after he touched down on her balcony, only remembering her shadowed figure running towards him and catching him as he fell. He was hoping he hadn’t stained her floors with his blood, but if he did, well, he’d find some way to make it up to her.

Glancing at his former student turned ANBU captain, Kakashi heaved a lengthy sigh. Will you ever be mine? His thumb brushed over her knuckles.

“Kakashi…” Sakura murmured, slowly coming out of sleep. She blinked tired eyes, stifled a yawn and stretched, hand still wrapped around her former sensei’s.

And then she was upon him, straddling his waist and smacking him on the shoulder. “You stupid stupid man!”

“Oww! Still recovering!” Kakashi grasped her swinging wrist, trying to save himself more injuries and forget their rather precarious position. But he was failing rather miserably at the latter.

Sakura was still seething however though not as badly as before. “Did you know how worried I was? Damn it Kakashi, you don’t just show up on my balcony bleeding to death!”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that serious.” He commented, cringing when he was subjected to an irritated glare. “I’m sorry Sakura. But you’re the only one I trust with this beautiful body of mine.”

She bit her lip to keep from smiling. “Idiot. You’re lucky I was here.” Anger somewhat calmed and head a little more clear, she brought her left leg over and kneeled beside him on the bed. She then proceeded to check him over, running her fingers over his skin and poking and prodding.

“Sakura?”

“Don’t ever do that to me again Kakashi.” She whispered and he noticed the slight tremble in her voice. He’d really scared her this time.

“I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, hand lingering on a well known scar just above his hip before moving up his body. “Just be careful next time.” She moved closer, bent over a little more as she checked his head for any bumps and bruises she might’ve missed.

And before Sakura realized what she was doing, she was whispering soft fingertips down the side of his uncovered face, leaning her forehead against his and taking in a shaky breath.

“I don’t want to lose you too Kakashi.”

“Sakura…” His hands were about to come up, pull her lips flush against his in a kiss very much longed for, but suddenly stopped when he saw her green eyes widen and felt her hurriedly pull away from him and stumble off the bed.

“I’ll…I’ll go make us something to eat.” She said in a rush, avoiding his eyes and running a hand through her unruly pink hair. She turned to face him and it seemed like she was going to say something, but her eyes looked away and she closed her mouth with an audible click before leaving the bedroom through the open door.

…

Sakura bent her knees, put an ear to Ino’s protruding belly and smiled.

“It’s almost time.”

She nodded and closed her eyes, listening. A kick and her smile widened.

“Come on Forehead. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

And so they sat and ate and talked at the quaint little teahouse not too far from the flower shop. Sakura told her blonde haired friend what she was allowed to about the six month mission away. The nights sleeping in caves and crevices, on tree branches and under them, she sprouted it all while occasionally sipping her tea. She told her about some of the things in Getsugakure, how beautiful it still looked with its shimmering ocean all around them.

Ino listened, nodding her head every now and then. But what she really wanted to know was sure to be sore spot for the ANBU captain.

“Sakura…”

Said woman looked out the window and sighed. “I was wondering when you were going to ask. I’m surprised you held out so long.” She turned around and softly laughed.

“I wanted to kick their asses, but Genma wouldn’t let me.”

“You’re pregnant Ino. You shouldn’t be kicking anyone. You might fall over.”

She snorted before her blue eyes softened. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah.” Sakura whispered. “But do you know what I’ve learned from it all?” She paused, letting a ghost of a smile curve her lips. “That our lives are too short to waste time on holding grudges against the people who’ve left you. We all have reasons for doing what we do. Did you know that Naruto and Sasuke did so much for me?”

“Can you hear yourself Forehead? I thought you were never going to forgive them!?”

“I haven’t.”

“So why aren’t you making their lives hell?”

“Because I’ve moved on Ino. Does it really have to mean that in order for me to move on I have to forgive them?” Sakura shook her head. “If that was the case, then I’d still be a simpering, whining little idiot who couldn’t do shit but run up trees and drool over boys. I can’t hate them because it’s partly because of them that I am who I am today. Everything that happened is all in the past. How long do you think I can keep living in it before I go insane?”

Sakura sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “I sparred with them a few nights ago and it felt really good. I needed it as my last push to leave that chapter behind. And you know, I feel a lot lighter.”

“Did you at least make one of them bleed?”

Sakura laughed and nodded.

“Good.”

“I think those two will always hold a special place in my heart. They were my first team, hell, they were a lot of my firsts and plus, I’m tired of being angry with them. I’ve got my own team to take care of now.”

“And Kakashi?”

“What about him?”

Ino rolled her eyes at her friend’s lame response. For such a smart person, Sakura was awfully dense sometimes. Did she not even recognize her own feelings for the silver haired man or was she just too scared to admit it and so ignored it? Ino knew Kakashi loved the pink haired kunoichi. Genma never shut up about it. And really, those two deserved some damn happiness in their lives. So what if they were former student and teacher? As shinobi who never knew when their last sunrise would be, what mattered was the here and now and if you found a love that was there, take it and run with it.

“How is the masked ninja doing by the way?”

Sakura instantly huffed. “The idiot dropped by my place yesterday, bleeding and wounded from a mission. He scared the hell out of me.”

“Really?”

“Do you know what it’s like to have someone close and dear to you heart, unconscious and bleeding all over you?”

Ino looked away and took a sip of her lukewarm tea. ‘Yes, Sakura. More than you’ll ever know and I never want to have your blood on my hands ever again.’

The thoughts unearthed unwanted memories of two and a half years ago when she, Kakashi and Genma had found her, nothing but a bloody mess with a back hideously disfigured and barely alive in a cold dirty prison with her teammates dead. Ino had cried her eyes out and panicked before Genma had to slap her, bringing her back down from the near hysteria the scene caused.

She had used up all her chakra to close those jagged lacerations and heal the more serious wounds but even that hadn’t been enough. She still didn’t wake up like she was supposed to. After doing all that she possibly could, Ino had stumbled away with Sakura’s blood staining her hands and jounin uniform, losing all the contents of her stomach in a nearby bush seconds later. It had been a sleepless night, one filled with high-strung tension and heartache.

“Is he okay?” She asked, willing herself out of the tragic past to focus on her friend once again.

Sakura nodded. “Sometimes I wonder what I’d do without him.”

“Have you ever wondered what it’d be like to have something more with him?”

“Stop it, Ino.”

“Forehead, you can’t be that stupid.”

“It won’t work.”

“Why? Because you said so?” Ino snorted, shaking her head and hardly believing her ears. “Damn it Sakura, just because you’re ANBU doesn’t mean you can’t get close to anyone.”

Sakura looked away, feeling the tightness in her chest and knowing the truth of Ino’s words. It was so blatantly clear in her cracked and sewed up heart. That even though she treated Kakashi as a close friend, sometimes she wished he was more. They’d been through so much together already. From her very first mission to almost dying next to one another in Earth Country, she couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when the lines began to blur. Ignoring the small flutter and the skip in the beat of her heart seemed the most logical way to go so she stepped that way and treated Kakashi as she’d always treated him.

But lately, it was getting harder and harder with each passing day to maintain the mentality of a platonic relationship with him. And Ino talking about it wasn’t helping. She didn’t want to think about it, about him and the feelings she knew were there, tucked carefully into a small crevice so close to the bottom of her heart. And if she acknowledged it, acted on it, then it’d be real. Truly and inescapably real and then how was she supposed to leave him in order to finish a battle she most likely wouldn’t walk away from?

She wasn’t young and stupid anymore though and she’d convinced herself that being alone was better than getting tangled up in the lives of others. Because then, when she made her departure, she’d have less people to say goodbye to and maybe she’d come away with a soul still intact.

“It’s not so simple and clean.”

“When is it ever Forehead?”

Getting tired of it all, wanting to see Sakura act on her heart and impulses like she used to instead of always overanalyzing and thinking like she did now, Ino reached over the table and gripped her chin, blue eyes hard and serious.

“Listen to me Sakura. You’re a shinobi so you better live and you better love for however long you can before you wake up to a kunai at your throat and regret everything you should’ve done, but didn’t because you were too afraid of what might happen after. Do you remember when you told me that?”

Unable to speak, Sakura unsteadily nodded her head.

“I wouldn’t be with Genma if it wasn’t for you.” Ino let her hand fall on top of Sakura’s. “We’re ninja Sakura, so we have to love stronger and fight harder to keep what we have for at least one more day.”

She gave her pink haired friend a watery smile. “He loves you, you know. Don’t be afraid to love him back.”

…

When Sakura was younger she always liked to think she’d end up with the man of her dreams. The ideal man. Handsome and strong and brave. A man who would fight for her and love her, cherish her as they grew old under the sky and the sun. She’d have a happy beginning and a very happy ending with many beautiful memories to hold close to her heart.

When she was younger, she thought the man of her dreams was Uchiha Sasuke. And she truly did believe it. She loved him because he was handsome and strong and fearless. She loved him because she could. But it hadn’t been a happy beginning and he hadn’t cherished and loved her like she thought he should because she was Haruno Sakura, the girl with the bubbly pink hair and vibrant green eyes. He hadn’t loved her like she wanted him to.

When she was younger, Sakura thought she knew what she wanted but truth be told, she really didn’t at all. She had been careless and stupid, bent on things too far out of her reach. Bent on things and promises that were easily broken and on people who just as easily left.

And now…now she liked to think she knew what she wanted. She liked to believe that she didn’t mind coming home to an empty apartment where everything was still and quiet. She liked to think that was okay with her.

But truth be told, if Sakura was really honest with herself and stopped the lying and the self-denial, she still didn’t know what she wanted at all. Aki sometimes jokingly called her an ANBU zombie. Give her a mission, tell her what to do and she’d do it and do it well. But leave her to her own devices and she’d just wander around, a cat without a home even though homes were all around her.

“Sakura!”

And speaking of her lanky, sienna haired teammate, he was currently slipping through Konoha’s very busy street market, trying to catch up to her. An arm suddenly weaved through hers and she snapped her head up to discover that it was only Kano, sweet and gentle Kano with the sharp golden eyes and barely there smiles.

“You guys do that on purpose.”

“Do what?” He feigned but she could see the small twinkle of mischief.

Aki reached them in a few minutes, running a hand through his reddish brown locks. “You looked out of it earlier.” He remarked as they started their slow trek through the crowded streets of Konoha.

“Just thinking.”

“About?” Kano softly pressed for more.

“About my pathetic love life.”

Aki chuckled while his dark haired teammate hid a smile.

“Hey, it isn’t that funny.” Sakura rolled her eyes as Aki threw an arm around her petite shoulders in a well meaning gesture.

“Hardly Captain. It’s just that, well, is there even time to have a love life?”

“We make time Aki. We have to.” She murmured.

Kano glanced at his captain who was much shorter than they and couldn’t help but smile a little at the picture they made. A petite yet ridiculously strong pink haired woman nestled between two much taller and larger men she called her teammates. It felt right though. This picture they made, it all felt right.

“And if you don’t find what you’re looking for?” Kano laughed softly then. “If your love life still remains pathetic?”

Sakura smiled, shrugging her shoulders and absently patted Kano’s arm, still linked with hers. “You’ll find it I think or maybe it’ll just creep up on you.”

“And now you’re going to tell us to hold on to it, to follow our hearts and surrender to the burning fires of passion right?”

She smacked Aki on the shoulder. “Have you been reading Icha Icha?”

“Maybe.” He looked away, hiding a grin. “I figured if the great Hatake Kakashi can read it, why can’t I?”

Feeling her heart twist a little at the name, she gave up on telling Aki the negative side effects of reading smut. Releasing a reproving sigh, Sakura leaned her head on Kano’s upper arm as they continued their way towards the Konoha cemetery.

“Something like that I guess. Though nowhere near as corny and lame as you put it.”

“Have you found someone Captain?” Kano asked with curiosity.

She contemplated his question for a moment or two before replying. “Maybe.”

…

Naruto turned away, his heart heavy and with a rueful smile on his lips. He glanced at Sasuke who was still looking after the trio as they disappeared behind the line of trees. He was sure the Sharingan user felt much the same way. Envious of her two new teammates whom she treated with such familiarity and closeness that it hurt to watch and regretful that it wasn’t them beside her, but two new men in her life.

He wasn’t going to lie and say that it didn’t sting. He wasn’t going to deny the gut wrenching jealousy he felt when he saw them with her, laughing and talking. He didn’t think it could hurt so much. Dragging a hand down his face, Naruto sighed as Sasuke finally turned around and started back towards his apartment after a morning of training.

“It hurts ne?”

“Hn. As long as she’s happy Naruto.”

He smiled a little and running a hand through his disheveled locks of blonde, caught up to Sasuke.

‘Be happy Sakura…and as long as you’re happy, we’ll be also.’

…

Her hand fluttered across the cold granite as she bent down and placed a bundle of wildflowers in front.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately haha-ue, chichi-ue. ANBU’s got me running around so time hasn’t been with me.” Her fingers plucked at the thinning grass as she willed herself not to cry. It was always a battle to keep the tears at bay whenever she visited their graves.

Perhaps what hurt the most was that she never got the chance to say goodbye to them. They were taken from her a few months after her first ANBU team was killed. As merchants, they often traveled to other countries to do business. But as the fates would have it, her parents, along with others, had been attacked by a gang of rogue ninja on a foggy morning in spring. Their lives had ended on the green slopes of Grass Country, so close to Fire’s border that her gut twisted whenever she thought about it. Had they been granted one more hour, they would still be alive.

And she…she had been on her first solo mission after recovering from the death of her ANBU teammates. She’d been away on an assassination when they were killed, slaughtered like animals and all their valuables taken. She had come back a few days later and was told the heartbreaking news by a grim faced Tsunade.

Sakura hadn’t shed a tear then, so used was she already to see her important people leave her that crying seemed almost a waste. And she wouldn’t start now because if she did, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to stop. Sakura closed her eyes and took a deep breath, drowned out the melancholy with the early afternoon air.

“I’ve been missing both of you a lot lately, but I’m doing okay…everything’s okay…so don’t worry.” She touched the gray stone one last time before standing up. “I’ll try to make it out alright this time.”

Sakura walked over to Kano who was propped against a tree and sat down, leaning her head back against the trunk. When they had the time, they’d come here and visit those they’d lost along the way. Kano was always the first to finish as he was never really one to linger and she couldn’t blame him. The graves were always a sad, constant affair but at times, she found it strangely soothing.

And Aki, he was always the last, but he always managed to come away a little lighter, with less weight on his shoulders. He stood farther towards the outskirts of the cemetery, gazing at his older sister’s gravestone with a deep-rooted sadness she knew all too well. Sakura had never met her but she knew her teammate had loved—still loved—his sister dearly. Also a kunoichi and like so many shinobi, she’d died on a mission, effectively leaving him one sibling less and with a hole in his heart. On occasion he’d talk about her, about how close they were and Sakura discovered that his violet eyes would always brighten as he got caught up reminiscing about the happier days.

She sighed, long and wistful. She loved her boys like there was no tomorrow. And she wondered how much they’d resent her for leaving them, if or when it came down to it.

“Kano?”

“Hm?”

“Would you and Aki hate me if I suddenly left one day?”

He glanced down at her, a frown upon his lips. “Why would you leave?”

“Would you hate me Kano?”

Wondering why she was asking such questions, he sat beside her and shook his head. “I don’t think I could ever hate you Sakura. I feel Aki would say the same.”

She smiled a little and placed his much larger hand in hers. “You guys would be good to your next Captain right?”

Kano looked at her, slightly puzzled. “Sakura…”

Aki was making his way towards them when she gracefully stood and hauled him up with her.

“How about lunch on me? I’ve been meaning to try that new barbecue place Chouji’s always talking about.”

But she was already walking away with Aki before Kano could ask anything more of her. He ran a hand through his short black hair. Perhaps it was just the graves talking then.

…

It was a few days later that Sakura felt the autumn wind shift a little, die a little and fade. It was when she knew in her heart that she didn’t really have much time left to linger, that she couldn’t really afford to waste another moment, another breath on being scared and indecisive. That was something the Sakura of old would’ve done.

So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when she found herself outside Kakashi’s window in the middle of the night, the jutting ledge holding her weight. Unlocked. Stupid man. Her fingertips hesitantly skimmed the glass.

‘You’re a shinobi…live…love for however long you can…before you regret everything you should’ve done but didn’t…don’t be afraid to love him back…’

And sliding it open, she quietly slipped in.


…to be continued…


A/N: It’s been a long one coming, but I’m finally satisfied with the outcome. Sorry for the wait. Again. ::smacks forehead:: Geez, I completely suck at updating.

-hasu86