Red

Kakashi sat silently on the front porch, sipping his coffee. Letting the cool ocean air wake up his mind. He huddled the thick woolen blanket tighter around his body as he drank a hot sip from the black fluid. He hadn’t been able to sleep... too many unorganized thoughts racing through his mind. After tossing back and forth between the too hot sheets for over three hours, he had settled for a light sleep. Accepting that his heart beat was still beating too fast for him to even hope of reaching that comforting realm of dreams. He had almost been killed, almost been raped.. and he had almost lost his most precious..



He felt sick. Emotionally sick.. and it was so unlike him to feel like that. He had no idea on how to deal with it. How to handle it, and how to make it go away. It felt like he had swallowed a significant lump of his heart, and it lay rotting in his soul, causing little shivers of aftershock to wrack through him. Shivers exploding in his very core. And the damned coffee didn’t help shit to chase away that hollow feeling in his chest. Those little waves of cold that emanated from his heart.



It was a beautiful morning he noticed with a tired eye. The sun was slowly creeping over the sea. Causing a long beam of golden light in the middle of the horizon, that golden crust the morning brings glittering on the dark blue sea. Ocean birds were chattering and diving into that gold, in search for breakfast.



Kakashi usually cherished those rare moments when he could find the time to come out here and just watch the world move. The beach was clear; few people were up this early, and those who were, had places to be. He had only spotted one jogger in the last ten minutes.



It felt depressing to see how the world was determined to bring out the new dawn, when he still had no idea on how to fix his precious Red. The boy was broken, broken into a million itsy bitsy pieces.. and there was no way Kakashi would be able to put the pieces back together right. He highly doubted Gaara came with a complete set of pieces anyways.. it was just doomed to fail.



But he was going to try.



He let out a heavy sigh again, absentmindedly scratching a fresh scab, ignoring the images that shrouded his consciousness; angry flashes of how helpless and weak he had been when those.. when those fucking monsters had held him down and.. gods, he couldn’t think about it. Not now.. not when Gaara needed him to be strong. His Gaara, his Red...his little saviour, a little smile played over his lips at the thought of that, but it was swallowed fast when he realised just what that meant, just what he had so barely escaped..



What he feared Gaara had not escaped from.



He had all the symptoms.. if you could call it that, symptoms of rape. There was that fucking word again ‘Rape’..the taste to the word so, so bitter and sour. Itching in his throat as he thought of it. An anger he had never felt before coiling hot in his veins. But Kakashi was a doctor, and he had seen too many people broken by sexual assaults, and somehow, it always seemed like the boys had a worse time accepting just what had happened. Or not accepted.. Something like that should never be accepted. But come to terms with perhaps... The awareness in his motions, the uncertainty, and the way he flinched away from Kakashi’s embrace. Yeah.. the first thing that need to be fixed was that..



Kakashi couldn’t stand that uncertainty directed towards him whenever he tried to move closer. He understood it.. but he was afraid that if he let Gaara build a strong shield back up around himself again, he would never be able to break back into Gaara’s heart. And that.. just the thought of that hurt.. it hurt so damned much. He knew it was a bad idea to press the matter.. but he wouldn’t try for sex.. not right away. No.. he just wanted to hold his precious Red, his Gaara. Because even if Gaara didn’t realize it, he needed to be held right now. Needed to be loved.



Letting out a heavy sigh Kakashi hauled himself up from the cold chair and walked back into the quiet house, closing the door behind him to shut the soft swell of the ocean out before he headed for the stairs. His heartbead too loud in his ears.



With a low whistle Kakashi announced breakfast to the dogs who shot up from the crowded bed, wagging their tails before they ran down to the kitchen, making sure to nuzzle against Kakashi’s legs as they ran past him through the doorframe. The action making Kakashi smile gently at them before walked into their room.. closing the door behind him.



There was only one creature left in bed, and Kakashi watched as Gaara wrapped himself deeper into the sheets. He knocked softly on the wooden frame of the door, letting his presence be known.



“Can I come sit with you?”



Teal eyes opened to peek over the covers before they slid closed again, a slight nod giving the permission to come closer. Kakashi padded over to the bed, the floor feeling cold against his bare feet. He sat down on the side, his body turned so he could admire the pale beauty huddled under the covers. Tufts of soft red hair begging to be tussled peeking out from the warm nest.



Kakashi swallowed before he asked in a low voice, trying his best not to sound needy. “Can I touch your hair?”



Receiving a slight nod, he reached out a hand and slid his fingers through that amazing softness, revelling in the feeling, gods.. he had missed his little one so much. He sat like that for a couple of minutes, letting his fingers comb through the tresses, just enjoying that he had been allowed to touch his lover. He wanted so, so bad to lie down and hold him in his arms.. to hug him close and kiss that amazing skin. The taste of Gaara was like nothing he had ever experienced. He felt his throat grow thicker and he swallowed a sigh before he mumbled low. “I missed you...”



Gaara remained silent.



“Can I lie down beside you?”



Gaara’s frame stiffened and he shook his head once, creeping closer into himself. Hugging his knees to his chest, his eyes remaining closed. His voice sounded like shattered glass when he spoke in a soft whisper, barely audible. Kakashi would probably not have heard if his world had involved anything else than the little bundle lying in the bed. “I’m sorry..”



“Don’t be..”



Respecting Gaara’s wishes, Kakashi only slid a bit further into the bed, settling himself against the headboard, trying to at least get comfortable. Never stopping caressing the soft hair sliding through his lucky fingers. The boy looked so, so fragile huddled under the covers, even with eyes closed and the most serene look resting on his features. The soft tracing of Kakashi’s pads smoothing out the furrow between his brow, the love tattoo visible now that the hair was pushed out of the way.



“Boku no tenshi...” Kakashi whispered the words softly, knowing that Gaara would understand the meaning of them. `my angel..`



“Kakashi.. I..” Gaara sighed and turned away from him, shaking his head slightly. Taking the hint Kakashi reluctantly withdrew his hand only to stop in his movement when thin cold fingers curled around his wrist and placed his hand back into those red curls. “Don’t... please, I need to feel that you’re here, I can’t look at you, but I need to feel you. I know I don’t deserve you.. but I need you. Right now, if only for a moment, I need you to..to..” Gaara let out a heavy sigh, a frown settling back over his brow.



“I’m here baby.. I’ll always be here, if you want me.”



“Don’t give promises you can’t keep Kakashi...”



The silver haired man ruffled Gaara’s hair, a sad smile settling on his lips. He knew why Gaara felt like he did,.



knew why he was so broken.



But yet.. it felt like he was stepping on something entirely to private if he were the one to bring it up first. You never force trauma victims to talk.. it was just something you didn’t do.. but he knew that Gaara would need to say something, anything.. and Kakashi sure as hell couldn’t risk losing his little red head. Selfish as it felt.. he needed Gaara to stay with him. Not knowing how to start that talk he settled on something easier, something he longed to hear, even if he already knew the bitter answer. He knew Gaara would reject him, not because he didn’t want him.. but because right now.. the fear that was dancing in Gaara’s head, in those closed teal eyes, was Gaara’s own fear of being rejected. And somehow.. Kakashi had to make him understand that he would be there for him, no matter what had happened, no matter how filthy the red head felt.. no matter how broken and used Gaara felt.



“I want to be here.. will you let me?”



A long silence stretched over the silent bedroom. Only that familiar lulling of the crispy white waves rolling onto the beach outside could be heard.



“Kakashi... I..” Gaara had no idea how to start this talk, how to tell Kakashi what had happened. He felt humiliated, dirty, weak and so, so fucking worthless. Stupid.. fucking stupid and small. He shook his head again.. swallowing several times in a vain attempt to swallow the thickness that settled on his vocal cords..



“It’s alright Gaara, you don’t have to tell me.”



“No.. I do. I have to tell you.. Or you won’t understand. Why can’t you understand? I’m....I’m dirty.” Gaara scoffed.. turning around so he could look into those grey eyes, flinching when he was met with a look filled with so much love and worry it made his heart skip a beat, his breath catching in his throat. The only thought that made sense left his lips before he could stop them from slipping out “Somehow.. I think this would be so much easier if I didn’t know you.. if I didn’t...” Gaara looked down.. afraid to see rejection when he uttered the next words. “If I didn’t love you.”





Kakashi’s eyes widened, an astonished look passing over his face before he tucked it safely away, only to let that lazy mask cover his face again. Gaara loved him? Had just said he loved him.. his heart was beating so hard he was sure the butterflies in his stomach were going to spew out his mouth. Oh god! He wanted to hold Gaara, to kiss him.. hug him close to his chest and never let go. Remove the fear and pain from those teal eyes..



“Gaara.. I love you too, Gaara. I love you so much.. I never thought I would hear you say that to me. I wish I could make you feel better baby. I fear I know what happened to you. But I won’t make you tell me. Just know that I won’t stop loving you. No matter what happened, no matter how filthy you think you are. You’re everything I ever wanted and more.. and it hurts me to see you so torn up, so lost. I want nothing more than to chase your fear away. I won’t leave you, ever.. that is something you should never doubt.”



“It was my fault.. I went to him and told him to fuck me.” Gaara swallowed hard and looked down. His voice calm, and emotionless as he continued to speak. “But then.. then I remembered you, your touch, your smell and your voice.. and I realized that I didn’t want to sleep with him. I realized just how stupid I was... that I had everything I needed at home, waiting for me in bed.. and that I didn’t need my memories to keep that. But.. I was so desperate to know, and he promised me my memories back. But I still changed my mind, and it was too late. He..Sasuke.. he.. fuck..” Gaara clamped his teeth together, taking deep breaths while he clenched his jaw shut, his voice still that emotionless calm. “He fucked me anyways.. and I was too weak. He was so strong, I didn’t stand a chance, and he bound me.. and I was too fucking weak, to fucking stupid to get away, and it was my own damned fault!”



Tears ran down Gaara’s cheeks, down into the white cotton sheets, making a little grey spots where they landed. Gaara was shaking, his knuckles turning white from the hard grip on the pillow. Anger welled up inside him before sorrow overrode it and he started shaking again. “I’m sorry Kakashi, I’m sorry.. I’m sorry..” His voice was finally breaking now.



“Gaara..” Kakashi laid down next to Gaara, forming his body tight against his lover’s, never stopping to stroke his hair. “I love you...”



“.....................You still want me?”



Kakashi smiled a careful smile, putting as much love as he could into his eyes, desperately trying to show his precious, not only with words, but also with his soul how much he loved him. “More than anything.. I understand why you went to him, you wanted your memories back, who wouldn’t have gone to him? It wasn’t your fault. Don’t ever think that. You said no didn’t you?”



Gaara nodded weakly, biting on his bottom lip. Looking way too innocent for his own good in Kakashi’s opinion, and he had to tilt that face up with his hand to make those teal eyes look into his before he spoke again.



“A no is a no.. no matter what. He used you Gaara, he tricked you. Made you believe he was your friend, someone you could trust. And it is not your fault. Do you get that?”



“Yes.. but I..” Gaara took a deep breath before he tried again. “I’m so filthy Kakashi.. I’m dirty. I’ve washed, and scrubbed. But I can still feel his touch on my body, his mouth on my lips. His.. fuck! His cock inside me.. he made me cum Kakashi. I-I..” panic was surfacing on that calm face. And Kakashi found himself brushing red hair in an attempt to calm the almost frantic redhead down. “Oh god! I came Kakashi.. and it was so awful.. I didn’t want to..but..” Gaara was scratching at his arms, angry red lines following his nails, like he was trying to scratch away some invisible crust.



“Shh.. It’s okay baby.” Kakashi took a gentle hold on those hands, stopping Gaara from hurting himself more.



“Can I chase him away? Can I take his bitter taste from your body? Will you let me touch you? Kiss you?”





When he didn’t get a response, Kakashi leaned in to kiss those tear swollen lips gently, a longing sigh falling from him when they didn’t pull away. He licked at them, tasting the salty tinge on them. A flutter chasing through his body when Gaara responded with a low moan, opening his mouth slightly, working his lips against Kakashi’s. Nuzzling into the soft touch of lips. Allowing Kakashi’s tongue to dwell inside his mouth, sucking it further in while he caressed it with his own tongue.



Kakashi’s hands travelled down porcelain smooth skin, sneaking his hand down the back of Gaara’s naked back, revelling in the muscle play under that unbelievable baby smooth skin. Never had he felt someone with such amazingly soft skin. He pulled back, and stopped his exploring hands when he felt Gaara flinch, the soft tongue going still in his mouth when he reached the dimples far down on Gaara’s back, almost... just almost caressing the swell of the redhead’s buttocks.



“Tell me what to do Gaara.” The words were breathed against soft lips. “Tell me what you want.. I won’t do anything unless you tell me to.. so tell me what you want me to do love.”

Gaara remained silent for a while, just resting against Kakashi’s chest as he thought about the offer. Could he really let Kakashi touch him even while he felt dirty? But Kakashi had said it was okay.. he knew, and he still wanted him. And this way, Gaara could be in total control.. even if Kakashi was on top. But did he trust this silver haired man?

‘Yes..’ Gaara had to gather his thoughts before he smirked against Kakashi’s neck, his head fallen down to smell in the masculine scent of his lover.



“I want you to touch my hair, while you kiss me. I just want you to kiss me.. a little bit longer while you caress my hair, my neck.. ah yes! Just like that..” Kakashi had tilted his head up as he spoke, leaning down to rub his fingers down Gaara’s neck, behind his ears. Sucking at the skin over the jugular before he kissed a soft trail back up to those velvet lips, worrying them between his teeth before he licked at them, kissing them, plunging his tongue back into the sweet mouth.



They laid like that for a while, Gaara’s hands roaming over Kakashi’s back, his body unwrapping itself from the little ball he had been huddled into, in favour of creeping closer to Kakashi, cuddling closer, treading his feet to tangle into the long legs of his lover, his groin rubbing deliciously against a strong thigh. And god! He felt so much safer now, a warmth he had missed so dearly seeping back into him, making him feel alive again.



“Ah... Kakashi.. please. MmM.. caress my back..knead my skin, my ass.. pull me closer I want to feel your dick against me, your hands on me.. I want you to groan into my mouth from pleasure..” He moaned when Kakashi started doing just that, nimble fingers travelling down his backside, teasing him by going lower and lower, but never just low enough. Those teasing fingers stopping just above the little crease where his back ended and his ass started, only one finger rubbing down the crack there.



“Please...” Gaara’s blood was flowing too fast, his breath coming out in shallow pants, his world was spinning. Kakashi kissed him again, and finally those big warm hands were on his ass, kneading it, spreading it.. pulling him closer, Kakashi’s hard dick rubbing against his stomach while his own erection rocked closer into Kakashi thigh. “ Ahhmm..Kakashi! Fuck!”

Gaara was going insane with need. His body rocking against Kakashi’s.. his mouth working frantically against his lovers. He needed to feel naked skin against skin. He hooked his fingers under the waistband of Kakashi’s boxers, pulling it down with one hand, letting his other hand glide down to knead the firm globe there. Greedily swallowing the groan that came from his lover when he wrapped his hand around the hard dick that bounced free from the fabric to rest against a taut stomach.



Kakashi mimicked Gaara’s movements and let his own hand travel down to knead that tight little ass, while the other one took a firm grip around Gaara’s leaking erection. He pulled back from the kiss just enough to whisper “Show me what you want me to do Gaara...” on an intake of air, before he leaned back in to take the lower lip into his mouth, sucking at it, rubbing his tongue against it...



Gaara gasped into Kakashi’s mouth.. letting his own hand caress Kakashi’s hard dick lazily, using his thumb to spread a glistening drop of precum around the swollen head, down the rigid length so to slick it up before he brought his hand back up. A shudder travelling up his spine when he felt his lover mimic his exact moves. “Aaah...”



Oh gods! He needed to be fucked.. he needed for Kakashi to slip that hard cock inside him. And dear god he needed it now. His whole body was shaking, little trembles running through him. He was so turned on, he was certain that he was about to come any second. “Please.. please.. fuck me Kakashi..”



Kakashi smirked before he pulled back to fish out a little bottle of lube from the top drawer on the bedside table, loving the whimper that came from his lover at the loss of contact. He coated his fingers with the slippery fluid before he laid back down. Surprising Gaara when he smeared some excess lube over on Gaara’s own hands. “MMm... show me how you want me to prepare you Gaara.. I want to feel your finger in my ass while I spread you. Can you do that for me? And maybe you can fuck me? After I’ve fucked you? Or maybe you just want to fuck me? I don’t have to fuck you, you know.. If you don’t feel ready for it.”



Gaara licked his lips, not even hearing the soft whimper his mouth made at those words, the world seemed to be spinning just a fraction faster, just a little softer.. the air heavier to breathe from those words.. Kakashi wanted him to fuck him? But.. no, oh god no! Later.. maybe later, but not now. Gaara wanted to be fucked.. needed to feel Kakashi’s hard cock stretching him so deliciously wide, to the point where it almost hurt. Wider than that bastard ever could...



“N-no.. I want you to fuck me Kakashi.. please.”



“Alright.. I’ll fuck you precious.. but will you put your fingers in me? Will you do that for me? Stretch me like you want me to stretch you.. I won’t do anything you don’t do. Show me how you like it love. Do you play with yourself? At night.. when I’m not there.. or maybe during the days? Do you? Do you fuck your own ass with your fingers, thinking about me?”



Gaara shuddered against Kakashi, an adorable blush settling on his cheeks. “Oh god..”



“I take that as a yes precious.. now, show me. Please?”



Gaara licked his lips before he wiggled in closer, kneading Kakashi’s ass. Trying to hold back the shiver that coursed through him when a slippery finger touched Kakashi’s pucker. That tight wrinkly skin feeling so soft to his fingers, and when he felt Kakashi do the exact same thing to him, his cock jumped excitedly. Even more blood flowing into the hard member.



He enjoyed the feeling of just barely sticking the pad of his finger inside, feeling how Kakashi did the same thing to his own ass, slowly, slowly working the finger in to the first knuckle, then second, then that finger was as deep inside as it was going to get. “Ah! Shit!” Gaara bucked against Kakashi’s hips when that long slender finger brushed his prostate, Kakashi’s longer finger reaching deeper then his own. “So good..”



“You like that precious?” Kakashi licked at Gaara’s lips, drawing them in for a kiss.. wiggling his finger against that swollen gland.. just like Gaara was doing inside his own ass..



He felt thankful that Gaaras smaler finger didn’t reach that deep. Little jolts of pleasure still ran through him though, just from that almost touch.. but Gaara, holy shit.. Gaara was moaning, panting and shaking against him, precum running from his swollen head. “Relax baby.. you’re gonna make yourself cum.. why don’t you add another finger ne?”



Gaara nodded weakly against him, pulling out a little to add a second finger, surprising Kakashi when he pulled right back out to add a third.. “Aahngh.. ah! Fuck.. impatient are we?”



“Just.. please.. fuck me. I’m ready.. I don’t care if it hurts.. but please.. I need you! It feels so damned good Kakashi.”



Gaara scissored his fingers just a couple of times more, plunging his fingers into Kakashi’s hot ass. And god.. it felt heavenly the way those muscles tried to suck his fingers back in. Maybe.. just maybe he would fuck Kakashi later? He would at least do it some other time..Just the thought of shoving his hard dick into that silken heat made him shudder, forcing him to bite his lip to calm his orgasm. His ass convulsing around the three long fingers stretching his hole.. oh yes. Now, right now.. he was going to get his ass fucked so deliciously.

He pulled his fingers out and pulled back from the kiss, breathing hard as a thick taste covered the back of his tongue. “Please.. Just. Fuck. Me..”



“Alright precious.. you ready?” Kakashi smiled from the eager nod, Gaara taking a hold on the headboard with is hands to keep his head from bumping into it, teal eyes never leaving the hot dick nudging against his soft balls. Kakashi had to chuckle from that look on the redhead’s face. So, so impatient and needy. “You really want this, don’t you?”



“More than anything..”



“Tell me what you want Gaara.. tell me exactly what you want. I want you to tell me what I should do with my dick..” Gaara swallowed thickly before he nodded, eyes still held on that red cock just barely brushing against his pucker.



“I want you to stick your dick inside me.. inside my fuckhole, and then I want you to fuck me, not in a girly way.. but really hard, I want to be fucked so hard that I have to struggle not to hit my head on the headboard. So hard that I won’t be able to think, talk or walk for at least an hour.. I want you to drive me into the mattress with your strong hips, dominating me, owning me...”



A possessive growl left Kakashi’s lips as he pushed forward, making Gaara gasp, eyes lolling back into his skull. That swollen mushroom head brushing his prostate perfectly. “Who do you belong to?” He pulled all the way out, only to push back in, slamming his hips.. A whimper coming from the redhead.



“Answer me!”



Gaara had to swallow several times before his mouth would cooperate again, tiny orgasmic threads flashing through his system, oh god.. Kakashi had only shoved in twice and he was already hanging on that edge. Shit!



A third shove made him scream out, his dick jerking, that coiling heat unwrapping fast in his belly. “You! Ah! God.. I belong to you Kakashi.”



Content with the answer Kakashi set a brutal pace, doing exactly what Gaara had asked of him and made it difficult for the little redhead to keep his head from banging against the headboard. And holy fuck did he make the most delicious sounds Kakashi had ever heard. Those little whimpers and moans combined with broken versions of Kakashi’s name and ‘don’t stop..’ made his peak rise faster than ever before, and when those tight muscles started clamping down, the body under him shaking uncontrollably, Kakashi lost the fight against his orgasm and came with a feral growl deep inside his lover, feeling soft strings of cum coat his stomach as he tried desperately to suck air back into his lungs, white flashes flowing over his vision.



They lay like that for a while, sucking air.. little moans still coming from the nearly unconscious redhead. Teal eyes flickering in the soft light. “You okay there?” Kakashi smiled a content smile before he rolled over to his back, pulling his lover with him to rest against his chest in a protective manner. A soft “Mmm..” making him smile and lean down to kiss damp red locks.



“I love you Gaara..”



Kakashi’s heart swelled when he felt a soft smile form against his skin, that sweet voice whispering against his chest

“I love you too..”