In the cold of space you find the heat of suns

Spacer crews travel the Far Borders and the Fringe of occupied space, trading. Spacing is an ancient and honourable profession carved out by millenniums. Most spacers start out as fourteen-year-old boys seeking a future. Few survive a decade spacing.

14. Changes

Iruka did not blame Genma; coming back to the unit and finding it covered in blood was nasty. Naruto apologising did not help; it only confirmed that their cute fox-boy was the killer. Iruka tried to persuade him but Genma was adamant; if you wanted to change crews, Tarrasade was the best place to do it. Iruka reluctantly moved the process forward, informing the Captain. Genma was gone by nightfall.

The Captain postponed their jumpslot, they moved units and the funds for Genma’s buy-out were realised and transferred. All three tasks were accomplished with ease within the same day despite each usually being difficult, costly and time-consuming.

Iruka found himself looking at Sasuke and wondering when the Silver Leaf had changed from an ordinary spacer crew into a tool for the Uchiha.

He needed time alone with Naruto. A word here, a task there and a touch of sleepdrug in Sasuke’s evening drink meant that he and Naruto were alone in the kitchen next morning. He finished plating up Naruto’s breakfast and placed it before him. Naruto was picking at it rather that gobbling, which was a bad sign. Iruka sat down beside him and waited.

Jiraiya emerged from Tsuande’s bedroom dressed in one of her robes. He sauntered into the kitchen, loaded a tray with provisions, winked at Naruto and returned from whence he came. Naruto stared until Jiraiya had closed the bedroom door with his foot, then turned questioning eyes to Iruka.

“They can’t be together on the ship,” Iruka reminded him, “on the ship the Captain has to stand apart. That is Tradition.”

“They are lovers?” Naruto queried, obviously struggling with the concept.

“Something like that,” Iruka confirmed. He had never been quite sure what.

“I feel bad about Genma,” Naruto admitted suddenly.

Iruka rubbed the fox-boy’s back. “It’s been coming for a long time, Naruto. You joining the crew probably delayed it. You know how he and I argue. And Genma likes being docked, the shopping and the clubbing. We don’t do much of that since Sasuke joined us.”

“The dancing was fun,” Naruto told him. “I like my orange shirt.” He turned tear-filled blue eyes towards Iruka. “I am sorry I made such a mess. I didn’t think…”

Iruka gathered him into his arms and held him. “You did brilliantly, Naruto. You did what you had to do and you did it perfectly.”

“He had an implant. Kakashi thought I would have to flip to beat him. I decided to kill him before we started fighting. Iruka, what am I?”

Iruka pushed him just far enough away that they could make eye contact. “You are magnificent, Naruto, and we love you just the way you are.”

Naruto sniffed. “Sasuke doesn’t love me,” he complained.

That was interesting. “He does, Naruto, in his way. Look what he was willing to do to save you. You know how he feels about Kakashi.”

Naruto’s eyes widened. “You stole from Kakashi, Iruka-sensei. You stole. From Kakashi!”

Iruka could not stop himself flushing. “And I am ashamed of myself for doing so, Naruto. It seemed the only way. I told myself that Kakashi would forgive me if it worked and, if it didn’t, my life was ruined so it would not matter.”

“’Cos Kakashi would be dead.”

Iruka flinched. “Or Sasuke would have been taken away from him, which would be worse,” he admitted, “because then he would have failed.” He saw Naruto’s questioning look and shook his head. “I don’t know much more than you do, Naruto, possibly less. They will tell us when it is time.”

Naruto seemed to accept that. He turned away from Iruka and started to eat.


Sasuke woke to more nothing. It has started when he watched Naruto kill Tenzo. Before that he had felt good. A fierce burn of determination had replaced the stone of dread in his belly. He had reached out to Iruka, defied Kakashi, stood firm in the face of Tenzo's derision and won Naruto his chance of survival.

Then he had watched Naruto and Tenzo fight: the superhumanly fast movements; the jetting blood; Naruto, drenched in gore, standing over the body. Since then he had felt nothing. He had cleaned, washed, ate, packed, carried, walked and slept but he had felt nothing. Today was worse. Today he wanted to shut his eyes and for the world of nothingness to go away.

Kakashi had slept late and indulged himself by spending time in the shower. He still had Sasuke, Naruto was alive and, best of all, Sasuke had shown courage, initiative and decisiveness in his bid to save his friend. He dried himself, shaved, picked out some clothes that Iruka liked and dressed.

It was only then that he realised that Sasuke was still in his cot. He smiled, thinking that Iruka must have been a bit heavy-handed with the sleepdrug. Even so, it was time the boy was up.


Iruka could tell from Kakashi's posture, even before he saw his face, that something was terribly wrong. He did not need to hear him croak Sasuke's name.

He ran into the bedroom. One look was enough. Sasuke was so pale he was almost grey. Instead of being relaxed he was rigid. His temperature was far too low. Iruka guessed that he was in some kind of shock. Possibly, knowing Sasuke's incapacity for coping with his emotions, the youngster had gone into a withdrawal or fugue.

Iruka knew only a little about such things but he remembered someone telling somebody that being warmed by skin to skin contact with another person was a good treatment for shock. Of the eight people available, who was the best choice? He needed to act fast, before the boy was so far gone that they could not reach him. His eyes fell on Naruto, who had followed him from the kitchen.

"Strip and get into our bed, Naruto," he ordered.

Naruto stared at him.

"Do it!" Iruka shouted. He picked up Sasuke and headed towards the bed. Naruto, catching on, shed his clothes and held back the covers. "You hold him," Iruka told him. "You hold him close and you warm him with your heat. You will him to come back to you."

Naruto nodded. He spooned Sasuke to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. Iruka found pillows to pack along the exposed parts of Sasuke's body, then covered them both with the covers. He stroked Naruto's hair and kissed him and then Sasuke on the temple.

"I'll be back soon," he promised.

He then dragged Kakashi out of the bedroom, through the main room and into the kitchen. He slammed the door shut behind them. Kakashi was finally going to explain to him why Sasuke was incapable of connecting with his emotions. Iruka was fed up with all the secrets.

“This stops now,” he yelled. “We stop acting as if being an emotional cripple is normal. I don’t care about spacer privacy or secrets or vows or oaths, you tell me enough that we can work out how to help him. I don’t care who he is going to be when he grows up, he is part of my family now and I will not stand by seeing him suffer every time he tries to connect with his emotions. Are you listening to me, Kakashi?”

“Naruto?” Kakashi queried.

“Of course Naruto. Who else? You? You’re his father figure, Kakashi. How much more screwed up do you want him to be?”

“Father figure?”

Iruka sank down onto a chair. “Kakashi, you are an idiot. I am going to check that Naruto is coping. Then I am coming back and you are going to talk.”

Kakashi wished that Iruka would let him have another slug of alcohol. He felt terrible. The worst part had been when Iruka had asked, “And did Sasuke know this Tenzo?” and Kakashi had realised that Tenzo must have been part of Sasuke’s life between the massacre and him leaving Hiruzen-sama’s household.

Iruka had run out of insults to yell and had started hitting him. He looked warily at his lover. Iruka scowled at him. “I am going to speak to Tsuande,” he said before filling up Kakashi’s empty shot glass. He took the bottle with him.

Iruka knocked politely on the Captain’s bedroom door until Jiraiya opened it. “You and Kakashi having a row?” he smirked.

“Shut up, Jiraiya,” Iruka instructed. “I need to speak with the Captain. Now.”

Tsuande came out of the bathroom, rubbing her hair. Iruka turned to Jiraiya. “Get out. Do something useful like stopping Kakashi finding more alcohol. I need him sober enough to function.”

Jiraiya looked to the Captain, who nodded. He left, shutting the door behind him. Iruka turned back to Tsunade.

“We may need to stay here longer. Please arrange it. And don’t bother with the charade about difficult that is because we both know it isn’t. Sasuke may need to visit the Uchiha compound, which is why we are staying here until we decide if it is a good or a bad idea.”

He glared at her, daring her to argue. Instead she just nodded.

Jiraiya was having an argument with Kakashi in the kitchen; Iruka really did not care about what, so he checked again on Naruto and Sasuke. They were sleeping and Sasuke’s colour and muscle tension looked normal. That was a relief. He sat down on one of the couches in the main room and, after a few minutes, a cup of tea materialised in front of him. He reached for it gratefully, looking up to see Shikamaru.

“Ibiki is hiding in our bedroom to keep up the pretence that he doesn’t know,” the young man told him.

Iruka gestured toward the couch and Shikamaru sat. “You’re not.”

“Kakashi already knows I know. I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but I think you are doing the right thing. Sasuke will be happier, he’ll be less likely to hurt Naruto and he’ll make a better leader if we ever get that far.”

Iruka often found himself repeating Shikamaru’s words to himself over the next eight days: make Sasuke happier, less likely to hurt Naruto and a better leader. It helped.

He started with Naruto. He assured him that Sasuke was sleeping normally, drew him from the bed and led him into the kitchen.

“Sasuke is going to be going through a lot in the next few days,” he told him. “He’ll need a friend, a friend who doesn’t ask any questions and who can hold him, like you did this morning, without any sex-stuff. Can you do that?”

Naruto considered. “I usually get hard if he gets close,” he confessed. “It’s his smell. I didn’t this morning because it scared me seeing him like that.”

“It’s important, Naruto. You know how Sasuke feels about fucking.”

“I can do it,” Naruto decided. “I’ll fuck lots with Shikamaru and Ibiki to make me less horny.”

“Good plan,” Iruka confirmed, “but do it in their bedroom where Sasuke won’t hear you. And Naruto, Sasuke must come to you. You are not to go to him. We don’t want a repeat of what happened that time.”

Naruto’s fingertips brushed his collar. “I understand Iruka-sensei.”

Then, with limited help from Kakashi, Iruka planned alternatives to offer Sasuke. He wrote each on a card in his little practiced but carefully correct handwriting. At least Sasuke could read.

The first one Sasuke chose was ‘Tell Iruka something about my mother’. He told Iruka three things, that his mother was beautiful, that she made tea for his father and that she played the biwa.

It was slow. Iruka refused to push hard. Sasuke slept a lot and ate almost nothing.

Naruto, Ibiki and Shikamaru worked out a system. One of them would keep an eye on Sasuke at all times. If he were wandering about looking uncertain Naruto would be alerted, even if it meant interrupting the other two fucking. Naruto would sit on one of the couches and, after a while, Sasuke would sit next to him. He usually fell asleep against Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto would then carry him to bed.

Kakashi watched. He tried not to drink alcohol.

It was the eighth day. Sasuke was asleep against Naruto’s chest. Iruka and Kakashi were on the other couch, watching. Naruto gathered Sasuke into his arms and stood up. Each day Sasuke was paler. He was visibly thinner. He smelt odd. Naruto looked to Iruka.

“This must finish soon,” he warned.

Next day Sasuke chose ‘Ask someone to get something from home’ and then spent over a hundred minutes at the kitchen table composing and writing a short list of what he wanted from the Uchiha compound. He then sat with his eyes riveted on the remaining cards.

Iruka made the decision. He swept the cards into a pile and tossed them into the disposal.

The earliest lift slot available was three days later. They relaxed, shopped and went clubbing.

There was a Meeting where they decided not to look for a buy-in to replace Genma and worked out how to redistribute duties to cover. That involved Sasuke and Naruto, but mostly Sasuke, being allocated duties usually reserved for crew.

The day before lift they moved back to the ship to accept delivery of supplies and cargo, including a sealed chest bearing the Uchiha crest.