Breaking Apart

Breaking Apart

Warnings: DARK, TWISTED FIC. RAPE. Yaoi. I am writing this a stress reliever. It is twisted and MORBID with DISTURBING IMAGES. Partially beta’d, so expect some mistakes. Sorry about that.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. I am writing this for fun

'Naruto's Thoughts'

"Talking"

Chapter 14: On Fire

I sense his presence almost the minute he enters the building. Immediately my attention wavers from Tsunade's be-a-careful-hunter-nin speech. I can't count how many times she has given me this speech already. 'What makes her believe I am so reckless?' I snort to myself. 'I've stayed alive this long.'

I can't help but turn my head to the door Sasuke is approaching. 'He'll be here any minute.'

"Kid, are you listening to me?" Tsunade says with an unmistakable trace of menace.

"Baa-chan, I don't have to listen. I've heard this speech a thousand times," I say with some semblance of my usual passion and childishness. I can barely stop myself from holding my breath. 'Sasuke's back.' A small thrill shoots up my spine to the base of my neck causing me to shudder. I'm not certain if my reaction is from pleasure or fear, as the door opens and he walks in- proud, tall, powerful… It doesn’t take me long to recognize the thrill. It is lust. 'Sexy bastard,' I mutter internally.

Sasuke has only been gone for three days. When we were children that trip would have taken us more than twice as long. But we are much faster, much quicker now. ‘Too much has changed,’ I think with regret as I allow my eyes to trail over Sasuke's body. Taking in the dust that has settled on his clothes. The once gleaming black Anbu uniform now looks grey from travel dirt. ‘They must have really pushed it to get back so quickly- not even stopping to clean up.’ I know Neji and Sasuke’s mission habits like they are my own. They hardly ever return to the village in this state, unless there is an injury or an emergency.

‘They don’t look injured,’ I puzzle to myself, ‘There must be an emergency.’

I still have yet to take my eyes off of Sasuke. It is so rare that I see him this disheveled. He'd taken off his over shirt, because now he is only wearing the fishnet undershirt and the black pants. I can’t remember a time when he has exposed this much skin in public. My eyes narrow in suspicion, ‘Why the hell is he almost naked in front of these people?’ I turn my eyes to Neji to find him stoically staring at me, and my suspicion grows. It is not as if there is anything different in Neji’s reaction to me, but there is something a little off between the two. ‘Is it that they are standing too close?’ I question, ‘Maybe they are sharing each other’s space too much.’ I puzzle over it a bit before I realize I have no idea what is different, but something is different. ‘What the hell is going on between these two?’

When I return my gaze to Sasuke, he catches my eyes and looks meaningfully down to the bandages adorning his arms. Memories flood over me of his last night here before his mission. I feel another thrill, this time it is stronger, heavier. But I refuse to let it show in my outward demeanor.

‘Never again will I be that easy.’

I raise my eyes to meet Sasuke’s just as he turns his eyes to once again settle on mine. The look in them burns into my soul. It looks as if he is searching for something. I refuse to look away. 'Never again, Sasuke. Never again will I meet you as anything but your equal,' I think as I issue a small nod of greeting as if there is no tension in the room, as if he is little more than an interesting stranger.

Vaguely, I hear Tsunade clear her throat and say sarcastically and with no small amount of grumpiness, “Now that everybody has had sufficient time to stare at each other, can we move onto the report?”

I slowly look away from Sasuke to give the same nod to Neji, and then turn my attention back to Tsunade.

"Well, Baa-chan. I guess this meeting is over and your answer to my request is ‘yes’," I say as I rise to leave, remembering that Neji and Sasuke must be carrying important information.

Tsunade's kept me in this office for well over an hour pretending as if she was deciding whether I was ready for Hunter-nin duty or not. And I was patient, even though I knew from the look in her eye when I made my request to return to Hunter-nin active duty that I would be mobilized at the next given opportunity. I’d taken to hoping and praying for emergency news just so I could get away from her. ‘Looks like my prayers were answered,’ I think wryly, internally smirking at the irony that Sasuke could do anything that remotely constituted answering my prayers.

‘Selfish bastard,’ I think as I head towards the door. 'Still he is a sexy bast-'

"Not so fast, Black Hawk," Tsunade says in her Hokage voice, calling me by my hunter name.

I quickly turn back to her in surprise, forgetting about Sasuke as I realize she just mobilized me. 'She's just told Neji and Sasuke my alias. That is supposed to be secret, known only to other specific Hunter-nins and the Hokage and only in case of a dire emergency. Something serious is going on.' Then it strikes me, ‘Aww, fuck. I’m going to be teamed with Sasuke and Neji for a mission? Talk about defeating the point of asking for duties in the first place. I’ll never get away from this bastard!’

I allow none of my inner turmoil to reflect on body or in my face at all. Instead, I very calmly move to take a Hunter’s position next to Sasuke, facing him and Neji, while turning slightly so that Tsunade can observe my body language. It doesn't escape my notice that they move into Hunter positions as well. ‘Well, surprise, surprise. Another secret I didn’t know about Sasuke. Why in the world would Tsunade trust Sasuke enough to make him a Hunter-nin?’

Still, I know my duty. I am not a jounin. I am not an Anbu. Every rank is required to take different poses upon reporting. Jounin and genin have the freest reporting positions, as they can offer reports to the Hokage from any position. However, Anbu are required to kneel. It is important for the tasks they are asked to perform that they remember to be humble. Hunter-nins, however, are required to stand in a semi-circle around the Hokage. Because hunter ninjas are not required to be humble. Just the opposite, they are the enforcing hand of the Hokage. We are judge, jury, and executioner. We are the violence that keeps Konoha's army of ninjas in check, and we are the killers that strike fear in the Leaf's enemies.

We hunt, we kill, we maim, we punish. And we do it with precision under a perfect cloak of secrecy because we are flawless. We are the elite and we know it. That is the first lesson every Hunter-nin learns. Unfortunately, that kind of power corrupts. So we Hunter-nins police each other. Each of us, when mobilized, require the scrutiny and observation of at least two other Hunter-nins when we are in the presence of the Hokage. Reporting in a semi circle makes it so if anyone gives off the wrong kind of body language, then that hunter will be eliminated with the least amount of effort by the greatest amount of people.

Hunter-nin status corrupts, and the first hint of that corruption is punishable by death. It is a harsh standard, but necessary. Ninja of our caliber are very difficult to kill, even by their own. And a rogue Hunter-nin is a nightmare. For everyone.

I heave an internal sigh as I rehearse those past Hunter-nin lessons. 'I am glad I only have 3 more months of duty. I will gladly return to the Anbu ranks.' The harshness of Hunter-nins has never suited me. But I will serve my time; I will be the next Hokage. Believe it. With that, I straighten my back and assume my persona. Now, I am Black Hawk.

By mobilizing my Hunter status, I am required to put myself at the disposal of Sasuke and Neji should they find me a threat to Tsunade-sama. If I refused to do so, then my death would greet me in a matter of seconds. The reality is, most Hunter-nin of Konoha die in the Hokage's office; which is why the plaque of our fallen ranks adorns this very office. This is our place of death and this is our place of glory.

Out of the corner of my eye, Sasuke and Neji look at me strangely as I offer my weak side to them. Amused, I think with a smirk, 'That's right. I’m a Hunter too.'

Even with the seriousness this situation has taken on, I can barely suppress the mirth that bubbles up as a result of the looks they are sending me.

"A Hunter-nin, hmm," Sasuke speaks softly leaning toward me, his words rolling off of his tongue, attempting to seduce my senses. "Wonderful," he hisses in my ear. I can hear his excitement.

The sound of Sasuke's smooth, intimate voice causes flashbacks of how he sounded when he came groaning my name. Those thrills from earlier try to return with a vengeance, this time pooling in my groin.

"You might as well stay for this report, Black Hawk," Tsunade begins tiredly; "This involves you." Turning to Neji, she barks, "Report.”

"Gaara will not change his position," Neji starts carefully; "He will not help us apprehend Ino. And he is critically aware that you will take his lack of aid as an act of war."

Tsunade seems to mull this over. Sasuke’s presence forgotten as I push back my initial confusion at Neji’s too brief report and wait patiently for the rest of it. ‘What the hell kind of report was that?’ I ask myself. But I can’t stop an inward smile from blooming. Just hearing that Gaara is waging war again makes me feel like it is good to be back on active duty. 'He knows I will not allow him to wage war with Konoha. What does Gaara really want?'

"His demands," Tsuande barks, exasperation at the briefness of the report seems to underlie her growing impatience.

"Naruto as the primary negotiator and investigator of the jutsu shop," Neji continues.

I feel Neji’s eyes flick to my face, but I don't move a muscle as I watch Tsunade contemplate this bit of news. I allow my body to only bleed stillness and serenity. It's been a while since I've had to report to Tsunade this way, but it is just like riding a bike- you never forget how to suppress your responses. You're life depends on it after all. ‘Still, it is easier with the masks.’

I can't help but notice that Sasuke is giving off the same tenor of stillness and serenity. 'Hunter-Nin Sasuke,huh? That's just great. It would not do to underestimate him.’ As an Anbu, he is understood to be powerful. But as a Hunter, it is expected that he has needed to hide a great deal of his strength. ‘Who knows what that bastard is truly capable of.'

I watch Tsunade resting her face on her hands, contemplating her options, ‘Must be big trouble to have Baa-chan look so concerned.’

"Sasuke, your report," Tsunade says directing her serious eyes at Sasuke.

"He won't settle for less than Naruto. He will wage war. And even if Naruto goes to investigate, this does not guarantee Naruto will be able to gain custody of Ino. She appears to be deeply protected by the Kazekage and his brother."

"The rumors are true then," Tsuande asked.

"I don't know. But she is heavily protected."

"Rumors?" I ask softly. This is the first piece of information I cannot process.

With a wave of her hand, Tsunade fills me in, "Kankuro is rumored to be having an affair with Ino."

Inside I choke on my surprise. 'That can't be.'

"You disagree, dobe," Sasuke says lazily, as if he read through my mask my reaction to the news.

"Actually, I find that bit of intell hard to believe unless there have been major changes in Sand that I haven't heard about," I start, "Kankuro would never touch Ino. If she is anyone's lover, then she's Gaara's. And if she's involved with Gaara, she's more of a concubine, than a lover, I would guess."

I feel all the eyes in the room centered on me with varying degrees of surprise.

"How do you know about Kankuro?" Sasuke asks quietly, but I hear the threat, the jealousy, though I suspect I am the only person who hears it.

"Do you really want to know that, Sasuke?" I answer back with only the slightest trace of smugness.

"I do," Tsunade snaps, her patience having run out.

Keeping myself still, I answer. "He's been pinning after a woman ninja in his village for years. Besides her, I've never seen him want another woman, other men…sure. But other women? No. He's always said he's a one-woman kind of man. And believe me, he means that literally."

"Again," Sasuke starts softly, "How do you know?"

With a small smirk, not enough of one to register too much arrogance in the face of the Hokage, "We were on again off again lovers for a couple of years before the Sound incident. Besides that, his family is like my family. We hold very little secrets from each other."

You have to know Sasuke extremely well to notice that every muscle in his body just went tense. 'Take that you bastard.' I think smugly, taking pleasure in Sasuke's displeasure, 'you are not the only one with past lovers. How could you ever think you were?'

I can feel, rather than see, Sasuke's eyes narrow. I don't perceive a murderous intent from him or any intent whatsoever. 'I guess he really is a Hunter-Nin.' Only hunters have this kind of control. They thrive on this kind of tension. ‘Sick bastard will probably die in the Hokage’s office. A lifer.’ I end with a mental snort of disgust.

Tsunade clears her throat again; this time her cheeks show a mild tint of embarrassment. ‘Oh, please.’ It is everything I can do not to roll my eyes at how fake that expression looks on Baa-chan's face. She is a good friend with Jiraiya after all.

"Be that as it may, Naruto," Tsunade begins, "Things may have changed. You haven't heard from them in how long?"

"Last month," I say taking in their surprised reactions, "Temari stopped in for a visit last month. She asked me if this thing with the Uchiha was really working out for me. I told her, yes," I spit the 'yes' out with a little more vehemence than I desired. "In fact, I asked after Kankuro and she said he was still the same- pinning after a woman and filling the time with male lovers."

"Could she have been lying to you," Neji asks seriously.

"Could have been, I suppose. But why lie to me. Kankuro and I haven't slept together in over 4 years. It may seem hard to believe, but I know Kankuro, Temari, and Gaara. I know them well. I'm sure I would have known if she were lying. And to be frank, I really think his obsession over this woman would die the minute she showed interest in him. It is hard for me to see Kankuro with a woman. He- let's just say, I wouldn't be surprised if he's found a male life partner already."

A small shift in his stature brings my eyes to Sasuke. His movement is in bounds for hunters, but just barely. I narrow my eyes on his face issuing a warning, 'I will take you out if I have to, Sasuke. Do not push me.'

I can see anger, jealousy, and desire seething in his eyes. They are promising me pain when this is over. I can't help but remain unaffected by this look. 'I've lived through your punishment, Sasuke, and it wasn't that bad. In fact, if the situation were different, that look in your eyes would have me so hard for you I would have found a way to rush this meeting so we can get home faster. I would barely be able to wait for your 'punishment'. But you fucked that up by fucking everyone else.'

"That is an uninteresting turn of events," Tsuande starts. I turn my attention back to her, but I still feel Sasuke's eyes burning into the side of my head. "We have two equally improvable theories about Kankuro and Ino. And in the end it doesn't matter, recommendations," she barks to the three of us.

"Send me," I immediately respond softly, "I haven't been to Sand in years, but I am certain I can resolve this mess with minimal violence."

"Send me," Sasuke responds after I conclude, "I will raze Sand to the ground. There will be no war that reaches Konoha, I assure you."

Internally, I roll my eyes. 'Violence is always the answer for you isn't it, bastard? Where's the love?' I can barely contain my snicker at that errant question. 'Where's the love?' My snickers have turned into a full-bodied internal laugh at the irony of that statement. 'Sasuke couldn't fall in love if the earth was made of it and it swallowed him whole.' My mirth increases at my bad joke.

It has been years since I have laughed with myself this way. I used to do it all the time when I was growing up when nobody wanted to talk to or have his or her kids' fraternizing with ‘the demon carrier.’ I know that some of it is rolling out of me through my aura, but Hunter's can laugh. It is about the only emotion that we can indulge in, at the right points and at the right times. And one has to admit that Sasuke's predictability deserves a good laugh.

I allow my eyes to focus again on Tsunade and I see her small smile of glee directed at me. I nod my head with the slightest moves in agreement with her, 'It is good to be back.'

"Send us all," Neji chimes in, "We are all Hunters. We can go in as Anbu, and then as Hunters should negotiations fail. If Naruto can resolve this issue peaceably he should be allowed to try. If he cannot, then we will tear Sand apart."

"How do you propose to do that?"

"Fire," Neji, Sasuke, and I reply. Neji and Sasuke show some surprise that I already understood the best way to destroy the Sand village. I suspect that Sasuke and Neji talked of little else on their way back to Konoha. I can see the new look of respect in both their eyes. 'I'm not nearly as dumb as you think,' I say to myself in disgust.

"There is not much to burn in the village of the sand. The village is made of sand and mud," Tsunade says wryly.

"Depends on how hot the fire is Baa-Chan," I responds softly.

"Yes, it depends on how hot the fire is," Sasuke repeats with a note of finality, allowing his eyes to wander over to mine, his eyes promising so many things.

"Right. How hot," I reaffirm, shooting my own set of violent promises.

I can vaguely hear something like a strangled laugh, coming from Neji. Struggling to contain my surprise, I hear Neji cough quietly and say, "Hn."

But even more shocking is the look of amusement that passes across Sasuke's eyes at Neji's interruption, as he turns away from me to look at Neji with a small smile. A smile I have never seen directed at me, a smile that says he is sharing a joke with Neji that neither I, nor Tsunade could be part of.

'Fucking whore,' I think, as I feel something like jealousy well up in me. I can feel my anger boiling up again inside, even as I contain it, careful not to let any of it leak out beyond my skin. My eyes narrow on the silent exchange between the pair as jealousy and anger rips through my body. I turn to Tsunade seeing her look of pity and feeling my anger grow to a level that is very hard to contain.

"When do we leave," I ask Tsunade in a voice that sounded like silk overlaid by steel, "I haven't seen Gaara in years and I would like to know what Kankuro is getting up to."

I can sense Sasuke's attention returning to me, but this time I refuse to acknowledge him.

"One day," Tsuande decrees, "We need this done as quickly as possible. Black Hawk, Red Wolf, and Silent Tiger you are dismissed."

As Neji pops out of Tsunade's office, I turn to walk towards the door. I am in no hurry to get home. I need to rid myself of some of my anger first before I execute my plan. It doesn't help to know that Sasuke is following my lead and leaving by way of the door as well.

"You should probably go home and get some rest," I say tersely, "there is no need to follow me, and I'm not going home just yet.”

"Hn."

When I hear Sasuke pop away, I release my emotions. Somehow that barely intelligible "hn" is pissing me off to no end. It reminds me of what I saw happening between Neji and Sasuke. 'Didn't take him long to move on from me,' I think with ever increasing anger, 'I didn't even warrant a year like Shikamaru.'

Suddenly my plans of making Sasuke suffer falls apart before my eyes. All of my plans were contingent on Sasuke wanting me. ‘I guess Shikamaru and I were both wrong.’ It appears, Sasuke has already moved on. 'Well, I'm not going to let him leave me without some pain to remember me by.'

Suddenly, a new idea springs into my mind, 'No, I won't let him leave me first. I'll leave him, but not before I let him have a taste of what it would be like to have me- to really have me. I want him to remember. Remember my willingness to please, my desire, my commitment- I want him to remember it all every time I fuck someone else. I want him to know what they are receiving from me and what he threw away. ' I resolve quietly as I turn around to walk toward my apartment, toward Sasuke. 'Maybe this mission in the Sand Village is just what I needed. I'll make a new start after taking care of some old business.'

TBC

A/N: Sorry about the wait. Thank you to everybody who took the time to review.