Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: March 31st 2006, Friday
second version: August 1st 2008, Friday

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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15: Falling into disrepair and out of it

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They stood side by side in the open window and blew cigarette smoke toward the sky; Sasuke to the left and Shikamaru to the right, just like they used to do when Sasuke had lived in the city. Smoking inside was a no no, Kakashi said. The man had few rules and most of them could be nudged or bent if he was in the right mood, but that one he was always firm on. So they had leaned out the window when they didn’t have the energy to go outside, which was often.

It was a whole different view though. The trees were so close you could almost touch them, kept both on backyards and in front of the houses. There were lawns that were so green Shikamaru was sure they sparkled on really sunny days; shrubberies and rosebushes. Beyond the town you could see countryside. Fields, spread out buildings that had to be farms and a whole damned forest!

In the city Sasuke’s window had been on the wrong side of the building. You had seen rooftops, concrete or brick walls. The only green things in sight were of the park squeezed in next to the river, standing out as slices of thin nature between buildings. No lawns, no shrubberies. Sasuke’s Bleeding Heart, while it had some shrubbery qualities to it, was on the inside and didn’t count. Of course, with the smog those thin slices of green never appeared very green. It also gave you few opportunities to watch the sky.

Then you had all the other things about the city. The air you had to breathe, even though you were constantly told it would eventually kill you. The sounds, the city was never quiet; and the lights, it was never dark. Even in the middle of the night there was always something making noises, always something chasing away the shadows. And there would always be someone else not too far away. No air, no silence, no darkness, no solitude.

Shikamaru had noticed those things about the city, what it lacked, and he had found it depressing; but Sasuke hadn’t seemed to mind, or even notice. It almost made it even more depressing, coming to a place like this. The differences became so clear and Shikamaru was reminded of what he missed. He wanted to live in a place like this some day.

“Did you know Kakashi’s making me eat whole-wheat?” Sasuke asked and blew out a thin stream of smoke.

“I didn’t,” Shikamaru frowned. “Really?”

“I think it’s that flirt of his, Naruto’s dad. He’s a health freak.”

“Naruto’s dad? Don’t you mean your stalker slash secret crush’s dad?”

“Shut up,” Sasuke groaned. “I never should have told you. I don’t like him.”

Shikamaru snickered and they smoked in silence for a moment. The clouds had eased up a bit and sometimes the sun managed to get through to warm their arms and faces. The lawns did kind of sparkle. It was very dark over the forest in the horizon though.

Shikamaru had first known Sasuke as just a guy at school. Well, maybe not just a guy; he had stood out. Even when he was only eight the girls had wanted him and the guys had either wanted to be him, be friends with him or found him highly annoying.

Sasuke himself had just been angry and, despite having a throng of wanna-be girlfriends, friends and enemies, alone. He had scowled constantly and ignored everyone that tried to get close to him. Some days he had radiated aggression, others lethargy. The first and only time Shikamaru had seen him smile in those days was when he beat up three twelve year olds at the same time after school without breaking a sweat. No, Uchiha Sasuke was not just another eight year old.

They lived close to each other, on the same street in the same kind of apartment building. Shikamaru had seen Sasuke around, but never cared much about it. He’s got to live somewhere, Shikamaru had thought.

They were around eleven when their friendship started forming. They ran into each other by accident first, on the roof, in the store, on the way home from school. Eventually they started doing it on purpose. Sasuke had calmed down some then. He was still scowling, asocial and only smiled when he beat someone up, but the years had formed a less aggressive version of him.

Shikamaru, like everyone, had heard rumors about the school’s most popular guy; rumors about his past, his present and his family. He had found them a bit too exaggerated however. Yes, there would surely be a reason why Sasuke was the way he was; but how likely that it was that picked-out-of-a-comic? Shikamaru had blamed much of it on Sasuke’s popularity; the cool guys get the most dramatic reasons for being angry.

Then one afternoon up on the roof of Shikamaru’s apartment building, not long after they started hanging out on purpose, Sasuke had just shared and Shikamaru had been shocked at how unexaggerated the rumors had been. Sasuke’s older brother had killed their parents when Sasuke was five and a half. Sasuke had lived in a mental institution for three years before moving in with Kakashi.

‘I was pretty fucked up for a while,’ Sasuke had said, chewing at his knuckles, his teeth tearing up old wounds that hadn’t had time to heal. ‘But I’m better now. I still have to see a shrink but I’m out of that place.’

The moment that followed Shikamaru still remembered vividly. A burning rage and distinct madness had swept over Sasuke’s eyes and Shikamaru’s guts had chilled even before the words came.

‘I’m going to kill him.’

No need to ask who. His voice had been madness as well. Shikamaru had suddenly doubted the sanity of the people in charge of discharging at Sasuke’s old mental institution.

But things had changed since then, a lot. ‘Never underestimate some time, a brilliant psychiatrist and good friends,’ Sasuke’s shrink had said.

-

“Shit,” Sasuke quickly crushed his cigarette against the window sill before snatching Shikamaru’s from his lips and repeating the process. Then he elbowed Shikamaru away and closed the window before dragging them both away from it.

“Um...?”

“The school bus,” Sasuke hissed, as if someone were spying on them. Shikamaru frowned, then realized.

“Oh, the secret cru...”

A well-aimed kick from Sasuke turned the end of the sentence to a yelp. Shikamaru grabbed his shin and sat down on the floor.

“I told you to shut up about that,” Sasuke took a peek outside before quickly hiding behind the wall again. “I don’t like him.”

“Yeah,” Shikamaru drawled. “You’re so subtly not caring.”

“He’s still a stalker,” Sasuke said and dared another glance. “He hasn’t seen me since Sunday, who knows what he’ll do if he finds me smoking in the window.”

Shikamaru raised a brow, but Sasuke was too focused on the school bus to notice.

“Sunday?” he asked.

Sasuke tensed and the look on his face spelled nothing but ‘oops.’

“Kakashi dumped me there for the weekend,” he muttered without facing Shikamaru. “He had a seminar. Picked me up on Sunday.”

“You spent the night at his place?”

“Don’t make it sound so dirty! It wasn’t like I wanted to, that bastard Kakashi blackmailed me.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing! Just... Nothing,” Sasuke looked frustrated. “Can’t you go home already?”

“And miss a friend’s budding love life?”

The friend sighed. Shikamaru decided not to push it. One time Sasuke had told Shikamaru that a crush was something that was supposed to have been friendship, but had gone wrong somewhere on the way. It was a messed up, irrational and clingy version of friendship that was entirely unnecessary if you already had friends.

‘What about attraction?’ Shikamaru had asked.

‘That’s just hormones,’ Sasuke had replied.

They had both been kind of drunk that time and it had been a couple of years ago, but Shikamaru was sure Sasuke’s opinion on crushes and falling in love had not changed remarkably. Sasuke had friends, but he had never actually dated. He played around more than one would assume from his personality, on parties and such gatherings, but those associations were just what Sasuke had called hormones that time. Just for fun. Only on very rare occasions had they lasted more than a couple of hours.

There was something about this Naruto however. Shikamaru wasn’t sure he had ever seen his friend this worked up about a stalker before, and he had had many. Naruto got to Sasuke, there was something there. Shikamaru had always felt that it would take something out of the ordinary for Sasuke to fall in love. It would have to be something he hadn’t faced before, something that surprised him and ran him over and had him so distracted that he didn’t remember that love was entirely unnecessary. Sasuke wouldn’t fall in love; he would just wake up one day and be in love.

That was why all those girls, and an occasional boy, who worshipped him from afar and confessed while blushing so hard they could melt the ice off the poles, would always be rejected. And why the guys who saw it as a challenge to win the heart of the ever cool and gorgeous Uchiha Sasuke, would never get more than a make-out session if they were lucky and some broken bones if they weren’t. Because Sasuke had seen all that before.

Despite his teasing, Shikamaru didn’t know if this was that thing or if maybe Sasuke was just distracted and disrupted by the move. He could be right when he said ‘I don’t like him’, at least in that meaning of the word. But there was something there.

Sasuke’s watching the school bus ended and he slumped down next to Shikamaru.

“He wasn’t on it.”

“You sound like you lost Christmas.”

Sasuke punched Shikamaru’s shoulder.

“I don’t like him.”

“If you say so.”

If this was that thing, it wouldn’t hurt if Sasuke was kept in the dark about it for now. Shikamaru could be patient, the gossip would come eventually.

-

Later they stood together in the hall, Shikamaru getting ready to go. He had decided to leave earlier to do some stalking himself before going back home, check up on the Naruto guy; though he kept that a secret from Sasuke. No need for him to start ranting again.

“Call, alright?” Sasuke said.

“You call too,” Shikamaru said. “Keep me updated on things with that Naruto. Uchiha Sasuke and a retard stalker. Might even pull a laugh out of Neji.”

Sasuke snorted and shook his head, but smiled.

“Yeah, and then he’d tell you to stop joking.”

“Definitely.”

“Because you would be joking.”

“So you keep saying.”

“I don’t like him.”

Shikamaru stepped closer, slipped a hand behind Sasuke’s head and pressed their foreheads together.

“Look, you know I don’t really care what you do with that guy, or don’t do. I just don’t want you to throw away something that you might want to keep, just because you don’t want to accept that you might want to keep it.”

Sasuke sighed and looked away but Shikamaru used his free hand to take him back.

“Same goes for this place. You don’t have to hate it and you don’t have to be angry all the time. You won’t betray us if you find something good here. You can be okay here. It won’t mean you don’t care about me or the guys back home or the city.”

It was silent. Not a sound. Shikamaru was overcome with a sudden, violent urge to stay. He knew he had hit home, with the guilt; Sasuke’s eyes were swimming with conflicting emotions.

“You sound like the old lady,” the friend muttered eventually.

“Well, she’s a smart old lady.”

“So are you,” Sasuke almost whispered.

And the emotions got to Shikamaru as well. It had been a long time since he’d last seen Sasuke. He meant what he had said about rather having Sasuke here than in the city, but that didn’t mean it was easy. Home had been empty lately.

“Smart or an old lady?”

Sasuke chuckled and shook his head. Shikamaru realized he probably hadn’t been smiling much since he came here.

“Just think about it,” Shikamaru said and let go of Sasuke’s head. “For me.”

“Alright,” Sasuke said. “For you.”

It was over and Shikamaru pressed down the door handle. Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Say hi to Neji for me.”

“Yeah,” Shikamaru said.

Then he opened the door, threw one last glance at Sasuke before turning and taking one step out on the porch. Just one step, because what he saw on the street stopped him as effectively as a brick wall would have. He stood frozen for a moment; then he went back inside again and shut the door.

“Shit.”

“What?” Sasuke was frowning. “What are you doing?”

“Shit, shit… Fuck. Why does shit like this always happen to me?”

“What!?”

“Didn’t you see who that was?” Shikamaru asked, his heart racing. “No, you never saw him back then, did you? Shit.”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t see anyone, your crazy assed head was in the way. Hang on, the kitchen window is...”

Sasuke turned to move but Shikamaru grabbed a hold of his arm.

“No!”

Then he thought about it for a second and with much hesitation let him go.

“Alright, okay, but… careful.”

Sasuke shook his head, breathed a ‘seriously’ and went into the kitchen. Shikamaru tried to make his heart calm down. Yes, it was bad, but maybe it wasn’t...

“That was Naruto,” Sasuke said and came back.

Shikamaru groaned, but somewhere he wasn’t surprised. Of course that was Naruto. Of course the guy that might be Sasuke’s first crush would keep bad company.

“Okay, but I didn’t mean the blond. The other guy, have you seen that other guy before?”

Sasuke frowned, then he took a second trip to the kitchen.

“What, eyeliner boy? Yeah, I’ve seen him around in school. Same grade, different class. He talked to me once, seemed a bit fucked up.”

“Do you know you’re lucky to be alive?” Shikamaru leaned closer and hissed. “That’s Gaara of the Sand.”

“The Sand?”

Sasuke went to look again but Shikamaru held him back.

“Gaara of the Sand?” Sasuke looked skeptical. “As in that crazy and crazy dangerous murdering guy with the Sand? Are you sure? Why would he be here?”

“I’m sure and I have no idea,” Shikamaru said. “I just know he vanished a few years back and everyone was relieved.”

“Oh,” Sasuke looked like he couldn’t decide whether to be confused or worried. For a moment there was silence, but Shikamaru barely noticed through the frantic workings of his brain.

“I don’t think I was very nice to him,” Sasuke said eventually, his features settling on a ‘kind of confused and a little worried’ compromise. “I think I called him a retard.”

Sometimes Shikamaru hated his life.

-

Gaara of the Sand.

Shikamaru had only seen him once but that had been enough. It wasn’t just that he was good at what he did. It was how he did it; it was the look in his eyes when he did it. Shikamaru had never seen killing come so naturally, so comfortably to someone before. It had been like it was the reason he was alive.

They said he was crazy, completely unpredictable. Even his allies in the Sand had feared him. The only reason he had been a part of the faction at all was because his father had been its leader. When the father had been killed, Gaara had disappeared along with his siblings and no one had tried to find him again. Yes, he was effective as a weapon, but who could afford to keep a sword that was as dangerous to the wielder as to the enemy?

How likely was it that the allegedly lost Gaara of the Sand and Sasuke would end up in the same town? In the same school? Really, life was such a bother sometimes.

Shikamaru knew that something must have changed with the former killer, for him to walk down the street like he had with someone Sasuke called a retard. If Gaara of the Sand had been what he used to be his presence in this place would not have been secret for this long, it would have been all over the news.

But Shikamaru also knew that meant very little. Gaara could care for the elderly or shampoo kittens, Shikamaru still wouldn’t trust him around Sasuke. That he hadn’t killed him the first time they met meant nothing either.

It had to do with Gaara’s father. All the high-ups in the world of the factions in the city knew that the former leader of the Sand had been murdered by the Sound, some rumors said even by the Sound leader himself.

While Sasuke was not directly tied to any one faction, his connections in and dealings with the Sound and especially its leader was no secret. There was no way Gaara didn’t know.

Of course, maybe the former killer hadn’t cared much about his father; or maybe he didn’t feel just being involved with the murderer was enough to warrant vengeance. The only thing Shikamaru knew was that he wouldn’t bet Sasuke’s life on anything.

Something needed to be done.

Shikamaru didn’t really want to; had never been an impulsive, heroic kind of guy. But this was Sasuke. Shikamaru could nudge his principles a little for Sasuke.

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