Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Chapter 15: Burning Down the House

A week later…

The morning dawned cold and clear. Everything was coated in snow, and even from the main house people could see that the lake had frozen over. Young and old alike pulled on their ice skates and ventured out into the newly formed ice, laughing, slipping, sliding, and having an all-around good time.

"C'mon, let's go, 'ttebayo!"

"I don't ice skate, dobe."

"Please?"

"No."

"Jeez, Sasuke, what's up your ass this morning?"

"Well, I know what was up it last night…"

Naruto glared at his boyfriend, who stared back innocently, and then shook his head.

"Well, I'm going skating, 'ttebayo."

"Knock yourself out," Sasuke deadpanned, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not going on that lake. The ice might break."

"You're such a pessimist, 'ttebayo," sighed the blond, grabbing the pair of skates Itachi had lent him, having outgrown them. "Will you at least watch?"

"Do you think I'd miss a chance to watch you fall on your face and then laugh?"

Naruto glowered at Sasuke.

"Were you anyone else, especially my brother or Kiba," he said, "I'd've thrown these skates at you, 'ttebayo."

"I'm honored," replied the ebony-haired teenager sarcastically. "Now let's go."

He opened the door, only to be accosted by Itachi.

"Father's in a foul mood this morning," he said, sighing in annoyance.

"And why should I be bothered by that?" asked the younger Uchiha, arching his eyebrow elegantly.

"Because he's bitching at anyone that isn't in one of the many dojos all over this complex practicing their asses off, or on the shooting range, using the zombies that your dad caught for target practice, 'ttedana," offered Kyuubi, coming to stand behind Itachi. "We narrowly escaped his wrath on our way to warn you."

Naruto went white.

"You mean there're zombies in here?! What the fuck, 'ttebayo!" he squeaked.

"They're locked up when people aren't using them for target practice, so you're fine, bro."

"So much for my plans for laughing as you fall on your face," said Sasuke, starting to shed his everyday clothes.

"Whoa!" yelled Itachi and Kyuubi, slamming the door shut.

"Come on!" the raven-haired teen yelled irritably at the door. "You've seen me naked before, Nii-san; act a little more mature about it!"

"Dude, you were stripping with the door open," said Naruto to his lover. "Did I actually succeed in fucking your brains out last night?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the blond teenager as he put on a traditional haori and pair of hakama and picked up his kusanagi. When he turned around, he jumped a little to find Naruto suddenly so close to him. He looked into the blond's eyes, seeing there a mixture of lust and tenderness.

"Y'know," said Naruto, reaching to cup the smaller teen's chin and turn his face upward, "I always thought you looked especially beautiful in traditional Japanese clothing." Leaning down, he gave Sasuke a short but sweet kiss, and then pulled away, leaving the raven blushing madly. Then he chuckled. "We don't wanna be caught outside of the dojo, do we?" he grinned, pulling on an outfit identical to Sasuke's. "C'mon, 'ttebayo."

The raven followed, cursing the effect that Naruto had on his body.

When they got to the dojo, there was already someone there… Well actually, there were two someones. Naruto shuffled his feet awkwardly, and Sasuke groaned, because they had, yet again, interrupted Naruko and Sai in the middle of a make-out session. When Naruko became aware that someone else was there, she gasped and pushed Sai away, blushing and straightening her haori. When she saw who it was, she became extremely awkward.

"Uhh, hey, Naru-nii. Hey, Sasuke-chan," she said quietly, looking anywhere but at the two people in the doorway. "Uh, we were, uhm, just finishing up, so, uhh, you can, uhm, have the dojo to yourselves…" She tried to push past them, but Naruto grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back in.

"You're just gonna say hey, like nothing happened, 'ttebayo?!" he said quietly, his normally cheerfully sky blue eyes turning into something akin to a permafrost grayish-blue.

"I said I was sorry, dammit!" Naruko snarled, wrenching her arm from his grasp.

"Hey, get your hands off my girlfriend!" Sai growled, walking toward Naruto menacingly.

Naruto ignored him. The barely controlled anger radiating off of him was rather frightening for Sasuke; he'd seen it a week ago, but it was still scary. In fact, it was so intense and so un-Naruto-like that for a moment he wondered who this guy next to him was and what he'd done with his energetic, happy-go-lucky boyfriend.

"Have you any idea what almost happened last week?" Naruto shouted.

"Yeah, I do," Naruko snapped back, "because first, Mom told me, and secondly, it was hard not to miss all the yelling coming from down the hall! What do you want me to do? Get down and lick your bare feet?!"

"That'd be a really good start, 'ttebayo!"

For a moment the twins stood face-to-face, staring each other down, neither willing to give in. Then Naruko turned and dragged Sai out, glaring at Naruto all the way. The door slammed behind them.

"Well, that was awkward," commented Sasuke.

Naruto made no response, but took his katana out and vented his frustration by hacking at one of the pillars viciously. His boyfriend watched with a raised eyebrow.

"You know, if Father walks in and sees you hacking away at the pillars and using a katana so ungracefully, he'll give you a painful lesson in how to properly use it."

Naruto stopped and looked at his lover.

"And you know this from experience?"

"How do you think I got so good at swordplay, dobe?"

The blond teenager blanched.

"Your dad scares me, 'ttebayo," he stated bluntly.

"As well he should," intoned Sasuke. "At least we know that you've got part of a brain in there."

The blond glowered.

"Really?"

"Why aren't you practicing!?"

The two boys jumped and turned around, and they did a double-take, at the same time that Uchiha Fugaku poked his head in and did a double-take as well.

Aside from dinner, Naruto and Sasuke hadn't seen the Uchiha patriarch, and this was the first time they were standing face-to-face since the dark-haired teenager had blown up at his father a week ago. There was a very tense and pregnant silence as everyone sized each other up and evaluated the situation.

Fugaku was the first to break the silence surprisingly; clearing his throat uncomfortably, he nodded stiffly.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Naruto-kun. Ohayo, Sasuke."

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Uchiha-san," said Naruto, looking warily between father and son, as if unsure whether to stick around or to make a break for it before World War III broke out.

"Ohayo, chichi-ue," Sasuke bit out, his tone every bit as tense as Fugaku's.

"I trust that your studies are coming along well?"

His only answer was a terse nod of the head from his son and a grunt from the blond teenager standing next to him. After another long, awkward silence, the elder Uchiha walked out, shutting the door behind him.

"That was an extreme mindfuck," sighed Naruto.

"I'll say," Sasuke rejoined wearily, running a hand through his hair. "Come on, dobe, we've got to WHOA!"

The raven barely got his kusanagi up in time to catch Naruto's katana, stopping it less than an inch from his left shoulder.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he asked incredulously.

"I had every confidence you'd be quick on the uptake, 'ttebayo," said his boyfriend. "Besides, aren't you the one who's always bitching at me for not giving you enough of a challenge?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"True enough," he said, "but can you stand up in a fair fight?"

Pushing Naruto's blade away from him with a great burst of energy, he immediately sprang on the offensive, driving the blond back one step at a time. Naruto's eyes narrowed in concentration as he parried each one of the smaller teenager's blows.

"Goddammit, I'm getting beat by a fast midget," he groaned in mock exasperation, his crazily wiggling eyebrows and protruding tongue clinching his insult. "I think from now on I'm gonna call you The Fighting Leprechaun, 'ttebayo."

"What the fuck, dobe!" Sasuke snapped, practically slamming his kusanagi against Naruto's katana, making the blond wince. "I'm not a redhead, and I hate the color green!"

"But you're an insanely rich midget. You can see how someone would jump to that conclusion," said Naruto, and then laughed crazily and jumped out of the way as his boyfriend transitioned smoothly from trying to cut him to shreds to throwing one of the geta on the stone entrance floor at him and then back to slashing furiously at him.

Sasuke had no idea what had happened, but all of a sudden, his kusanagi wasn't in his hand anymore, and he was lying on the ground with Naruto positioned over him, with the missing sword pointed at his neck. The reversal was sudden, and he growled.

"You did that on purpose," he breathlessly accused his blond lover, who was grinning like a little kid on Christmas.

"D'you actually think I'd be able to win against you in a fair fight, 'ttebayo?" Naruto countered, lowering the kusanagi. "I'd be dead."

"You'd be so dead," Sasuke agreed, smirking widely, "especially for calling me a leprechaun."

"Yeah, you're a small guy, but you pack a punch," said the blond, wincing. "I think you almost sprained my wrists the way you were attacking me."

"Serves you right for making fun of my size," said his boyfriend unapologetically.

"I may have to punish you tonight, 'ttebayo," Naruto said, injecting lust into his voice and lowering himself down to the floor so that he was kneeling beside Sasuke. At the same moment, Sasuke sat up and grabbed Naruto by the hair, crashing their lips together, and then pulled the blond back down on top of him.

"You're such a pushy little uke," Naruto joked.

"Shut up," muttered Sasuke. "You know you like it."

"True enough."

They were practically wrestling on the floor, tongues competing for dominance and bodies rubbing together, when an alarm split the air. The loud noise made them both jump, banging their heads together and then rolling away from each other, clutching their foreheads.

"Holy shit, what the fuck is that!?" Naruto yelled over the wailing siren, his eyes watering from the pain.

"Perimeter breached! I repeat, the perimeter has been breached! All able-bodied fighters to the south gate on the double! The perimeter has been breached! This is the real shit!"

There was a silence between the two boys, and then Naruto opened his mouth again.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" he said, his face pale.

"Yes," said Sasuke grimly. "It seems like either the zombies got out of their pens at the shooting range, or the gate finally caved in. Father never did get a chance to convert it from the traditional wooden gates to wood over reinforced steel like the others."

The words on the loudspeaker galvanized everyone across the complex into action. Doors crashed open, swords clanked, bows were drawn, and handguns and rifles were loaded. The young couple got swept up in the chaos and nearly got separated, only preventing it by grabbing each other's hands and holding on tight.

"Fuck this katana, 'ttebayo," snarled Naruto. "Where the fuck is my semi-automatic high-powered rifle when I need it?"

"Are you looking for this, 'ttedana?" said a voice behind them, and they spun around to see Kyuubi armed to the teeth and carrying the aforementioned weapon. Itachi was right behind him, armed in much the same way.

"What the hell is this, Kyuubi, the Second Coming of Rambo?" asked Naruto, taking the gun from his brother. "You really went overboard with the ordinance."

"Oh shut up, you dumbass monkey of a little brother," snapped Kyuubi, "and get your ass in gear!"

"If we survive this," Naruto shot back, "I'll kick your ass, 'ttebayo."

"This is what you get for making fun of my small stature, usuratonkachi," Sasuke intoned sagely.

"Hey, I make fun of Itachi for being smaller than me all the time," said Kyuubi, "and he doesn't act like a whiny little bitch about it. In fact, he comes back with his own witty insults, and they can get pretty imaginative and colorful. What the hell are you complaining about, 'ttedana? Although, as a matter of interest, what did he call you?"

"He called me a leprechaun."

The other three looked at him and burst out laughing.

"Good one, Naruto!" said Itachi, gasping for breath. "All he needs is the red hair and the suit."

"That's what I told him!" howled Naruto.

"Itachi you sorry excuse for a brother you're supposed to be defending my dignity, not agreeing with the asshole!" snarled the raven-haired teenager, his face turning a bright red that almost rivaled Kyuubi's hair color, which only made his three companions laugh harder.

Finally Itachi calmed down enough to redirect them.

"We really should be going to help," he said.

But just as they were about to move toward the south gate, the siren blared again. Kyuubi swore loudly, and Sasuke paled.

"Shit," groaned Naruto.

"Attention, the north gate has given way! We need fighters at the north gate now!"

Making a split-second decision, Naruto dragged Kyuubi and Sasuke along, and Kyuubi grabbed Itachi.

"The north gate is closer, so we can do more good there," he reasoned to the others.

But when they got there, they walked into a bloodbath… And the living were on the losing end. The blond teenager swore loudly and colorfully as he aimed at a freshly made zombie and shattered its skull with a well-placed headshot.

"There're too fucking many, 'ttebayo!" he yelled.

"Hey, where's Naruko?!" called Kyuubi.

"We caught her and Sai doing stuff on the dojo floor again," said Sasuke. "She walked out after that, and we don't know."

Just then an arrow came down from one of the rooftops and with a whoosh-thunk embedded itself in the skull of another zombie, this one probably undead since the beginning of the crisis. Looking up, the four on the ground saw a familiar head of long blonde hair.

"Well, speak of the devil," said Itachi mildly.

"You're an asshole, Naruto!" yelled Naruko, knocking another arrow and pulling back the bowstring.

"Hark who's talking, 'ttebayo!" Naruto retorted, shooting an undead child. "Outed anyone who didn't wanna be outed lately?"

"Are you two still harping on about that, 'ttedana?" snapped Kyuubi, slinging his handguns as only a gunslinger from the Wild American West could. "That was over a week ago!"

"This conversation is remarkably calm," Itachi commented dryly, "given that we're facing infection, death, and reanimation if we let these things get too close to us."

"Less talking," said Uchiha Sai, coming up behind them, "and more shooting." Then he gave Sasuke the once-over, smirking derisively, settling eyes briefly on his cousin's kusanagi. "Did you really bring the literal knife into a gunfight? What an idiot."

The raven glared at his taller, paler cousin.

"Keep your mouth shut, Sai," he warned, "or you will have a fatal accident. And I don't care that my boyfriend's twin sister is dating you, so don't say 'Naruko will murder you if you do that.'"

"I always knew you were a flaming queer," muttered Sai, turning away.

And oh, Sasuke wanted so badly to kill the sorry fucker deader than one of these twice-dead zombies lying on the blood-soaked ground around them, but Naruko had a long range weapon, and he didn't think it wise to do anything… yet.

As if reading his boyfriend's thoughts, Naruto leaned down after shooting another zombie.

"I'll help, 'ttebayo," he said, and Sasuke laughed.

"Stop fucking around, 'ttebane!" yelled a familiar voice. "This isn't a goddamn picnic!"

Uzumaki Kushina ran past them, wielding a katana in one hand and a sawed-off shotgun in the other.

"Hey, language, 'ttebayo!" yelled Naruto, grinning, as he blasted a zombie away. Kushina gave him the finger. He grinned, and Naruko laughed.

Kyuubi, on the other hand, looked grim.

"I have the feeling that we're going to be royally fucked if we don't start retreating now, 'ttedana," he muttered.

As if to confirm his out-loud thinking, the loudspeaker blared to life again.

"Attention, the west gate has been compromised! Begin evacuation!"

"Well, this isn't good," muttered Naruto, pale-faced, as his gun clip ejected and he slammed another one home and continued to shoot.

Kushina came running back toward them.

"Where's Naruko, 'ttebane?!" she yelled frantically.

"Up here, Mom!" yelled the blonde belle, sliding down the roof and landing gracefully beside her.

"All right, now GO!" screamed the red-haired woman, pushing everyone toward the middle of the compound, away from the onslaught of zombies. Naruto tried to grab his mother's arm, but she pushed him away. "RUN, 'TTEBANE!"

Naruto felt tears welling up in his eyes, which widened when Kushina opened her jacket, revealing a wired ring of dynamite around her torso and a detonator.

"Mom?" he asked, his voice very small, almost like a little boy.

Kushina looked at her children, despair and sorrow in her aquamarine eyes.

"Listen to me," she said, watching the zombies that were slowly gaining on them. "I'm giving you time. You need go now. You Uchiha boys," she said, fixing Sasuke, Itachi, and Sai with her steely gaze, "need to take care of my kids, or serious consequences will be in store for all three of you."

"No, Mom!" screamed Naruko, starting towards her, but Sai and Kyuubi held her back.

"Look at you three, so grown up," said their mother with a smile, though tears glistened in her eyes. "I'm so sorry… I love you, 'ttebane. Now go!"

Naruto wouldn't move by himself; Sasuke had to drag him away, down a side street.

When they were three blocks away, a large explosion ripped through the area where Uzumaki Kushina had been.

"MAMA!" shrieked Naruko, sobbing.

"NO!" Naruto screamed, tears rolling down his face.

Kyuubi just stared in that direction, his face a mask of grief and sorrow.

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They ran along the streets, taking care to be as quiet as possible. Oddly enough, for being moving arsenals Itachi and Kyuubi were as silent as ninja, leading the group quietly past the undead that at times were only feet away from them.

Finally they reached the middle of the compound, and were confronted by the main group of survivors, which was preparing for evacuation. Everything was chaos; children cried hysterically, men and women shouted instructions, and mothers held their infants to their chests, hushing them. In some cases, men were putting their pregnant wives into military-issue Humvees, few having the time enough to kiss good-bye.

At the center of this mess were Uchiha Fugaku and Namikaze Minato, directing everything, trying to get Hummers and military issue trucks full of children, pregnant women, and old folk out. When they saw the six newcomers, they made a beeline for the small group.

"Are you all right?!" Minato yelled over the din. "Where's your mother?!"

Kyuubi looked down at his feet, and Naruko started crying into Naruto's shoulder. Her twin held her, looking for the entire world like a lost puppy. That in itself was answer enough for their father, whose relieved smile dropped as suddenly as if someone had taken a giant eraser to his face.

"Kushina…" he whispered.

"She died to give us more time to escape," said Sai emotionlessly, though his eyes betrayed his empathetic grief.

At that moment Gaara pushed his way through the throng.

"Where the hell have you been?" he asked Sasuke.

"The north gate," answered the raven shortly. "It was completely overrun. As far as I know there were no survivors besides us from that direction."

Fugaku, who had been listening in, paled.

"We need to speed up the evacuation," he said to Minato.

"We're running out of vehicles," the tall blond said grimly.

"Dammit, I wish I still had my motorcycle, 'ttebayo," said Naruto absently.

No one really heard him.

"There are three vehicles left," said Fugaku. "We're going to have to triage. All of the expectant mothers are gone, as well as most of those sixty and over and all of the children twelve and under. That leaves anyone under the age of eighteen, and the rest of the elderly."

"B-but… Itachi-nii-san…?" asked Sasuke, a cold crushing despair creeping throughout his body.

"I'm not leaving without Kyuu-nii or Dad!" cried Naruto defiantly, looking at his father and older brother.

"Naruto, this is hard for us too," said Minato, sadness on his face. "Please don't make it any harder." Then he pulled the twins into a hug. "Be brave," he whispered in their ears, before kissing each of them on the forehead and pulling away. "Sasuke, Sai, you'd better take good care of my twins," he said sternly to the two boys standing behind them.

"I'll miss you two," said Kyuubi, also coming up and giving them a huge hug. "You'd better behave, 'ttedana. And as for you," –he pointed at Sai- "if you get my sister pregnant before the age of twenty-one or before you two are married, whichever comes first, I will come back and haunt your sorry ass until I drive you insane. I don't need to worry about you two getting knocked up," he added to Sasuke and Naruto, "so just don't get any STDs. And if Sai gets her pregnant I give you full permission to beat the crap out of him."

Despite his sadness at having to leave his brother behind, Naruto still had enough left in him to snort in amusement and punch the red-headed man.

"That was unnecessary, you asshole," he growled, blushing a little. "Good-bye… I love you, Nii-san… I love you, Dad…"

"And you, Uzumaki Naruto," said Itachi, coming to stand beside Kyuubi and slipping a pale hand into the redhead's tan one, "had better not hurt my little brother, or I'll come back as a zombie and eat your brains."

Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Well, at this point it's looking quite likely, 'ttebayo," he said as the first of the undead rounded the corner and made a beeline for the group of fresh meat. Itachi laughed and then hugged Sasuke.

"Take care of yourself," he whispered, and kissed his brother on the head.

"Sasuke."

At the sound of his father's voice, the raven-haired teenager turned around, only to be crushed in a hug. That was surprising in and of itself, but the words that came out of Uchiha Fugaku's mouth truly shocked his son.

"I thought I was doing what was best for you," he whispered. "After what happened two years ago, I only wanted to protect you. I was wrong, and I'm so sorry. I was a fool to ignore what I saw in front of me. You, young man," he said to Naruto, "had better take good care of my son."

And while Sasuke was trying to process what had just happened, his father gave him a push toward Naruto and toward the truck.

"Go," he said calmly, though a tear leaked from one eye. "We won't be gone, as long as you keep us in your heart."

It took them all of a second to get into the army-issue truck, and one of those left behind shut the gate. The engine started, and they began weaving their way through the streets. All around them there was carnage. Here a group of survivors held out valiantly, though outnumbered by the undead surrounding them. There, the zombies feasted on the remains of an unfortunate woman. Everywhere there was death. Sasuke buried his face in Naruto's shirt, shaking. Beside them, Naruko and Sai looked grimly out at the chaos.

X33333333333

The small band of survivors was almost surrounded by the undead. Zombies swarmed toward them, moaning terribly and gnashing their teeth. Itachi squeezed Kyuubi's hand.

"For the first time in my adult life, I'm genuinely scared," he whispered into his boyfriend's ear.

"Me too, 'ttedana," muttered Kyuubi, "but we're doing this to give our siblings and the others time to escape. Besides, with you here, I feel like I can do anything, even single-handedly slay a shitload of zombies."

Itachi grinned shakily.

"Are you ready?" said Minato to the two younger men.

"Ready," they said grimly. They all took hand grenades from a wooden crate.

"All right! San…"

The zombies were only a few yards away. Kyuubi grabbed Itachi by the waist and pulled him closer.

"Ni…"

Their lips locked. The zombies were only inches away.

"Ichi."

They pulled the pins just as the zombies reached them. They felt a brief moment of pain, and then all was bliss.

The blast obliterated the buildings nearest them. The wind created by the explosion pushed outward and destroyed or incinerated many more. All throughout the complex, wood and flesh burned.

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Naruto stared out at the conflagration. A canyon had been torn in his heart, and he felt cold all over, despite the heat rolling off of the burning buildings in waves.

"It's… gone…" he mumbled numbly. "They're all… just gone…"

Sasuke began to cry, and Naruto pulled him closer. Beside him, Naruko was screaming "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO" and beating her fists on Sai's chest as he held her. The two boys looked at each other, a gesture that showed their helplessness, their sorrow, and their intense grief.

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Now that was fucking depressing. Even worse than the chapter where Sasuke had to kill his mom. I almost cried at this one. I really did. And that's saying something, because I don't cry often. Please review, people.

Sasuke: Wait a minute. o.o

Me: What?

Sasuke: What's this about Sai being empathetic? o.O

Me: -_- Look, it's my story, and in my story he's an ass to everyone except Naruko.

Sasuke: You're ruining the image of him as a complete asshole! D:

Me: _ Yeah, we wouldn't want two Sasukes running around, would we?

Sasuke: …Sai is not like me. At all. #-_-

Me: I dunno; you could be brothers if you got paler and he got Sharingan and took social skills classes. Wait a minute, you both need social skills classes. What am I saying? 8)

Sasuke: #-_- Grrr…

Me: 8D So review!

Sasuke: #-_- I'll kill you.

Me: -_- Case in point. Does he not need social skills classes? This is a bad case of anti-social personality disorder, AKA sociopathic behavior, if ever I saw one.

Sasuke: #*_* -Getting ready to kill me-

Me: _ We went over this multiple times. If you, Naruto, or any other character kills me, I can't finish the story.

Sasuke: -_- Dammit.

Me: 8D Review! –Does my victory dance-