Breaking Apart

Breaking Apart

Warnings: DARK, TWISTED FIC. RAPE. Yaoi. I am writing this a stress reliever. It is twisted and MORBID with DISTURBING IMAGES.


Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. I am writing this for entertainment.

My Wonderful Beta: Sancta (all errors, of course, are my own.)

A/N: The perspectives change in this chapter. I mark the changes throughout the text.


Chapter 15: Just for Tonight


*** ‘Sasuke’s Thoughts’

‘Too tired to argue,’ I think as I transport away from Naruto to our apartment. ‘Besides I have some thinking to do that is better done without you around, dobe.’ I send out my senses, checking our vacant home for intruders from my perch in the middle of the living room. Soon as I am assured there are no intruders and the protection measures are still intact, I release a breath of confusion.

‘A Hunter? That is…unexpected,’ I think as I step into the kitchen, setting my extra gear on the table, while I reach for the tea leaves and kyusu. It is a habit I have to mull over new information with a cup of tea.

As I fill a kettle with water and place it on the stove to be heated, my mind is reeling from the shocking revelations of the past half hour. ‘Naruto is a Hunter-nin.’ I think with a certain amount of excitement and confusion. My heart speeds up slightly. ‘That news is both disturbing and sexy all at the same time.’ I can’t help but approve of how far Naruto has come in the Ninja ranks. And he must be powerful to have risen to hunter-nin status by the time he was 18. But therein lies the confusion. That he was a Hunter-level ninja before his capture by Orochimaru is puzzling.

‘Orochimaru was weak,’ I think flatly as the water slowly begins to heat up. ‘Orochimaru was so weak that there is not a Hunter-nin in Konoha that could not have eliminated him within moments,’ I think as I turn to place the green tea leaves into our kyusu. ‘That’s why Tsunade left him alive to begin with; Orochimaru simply no longer posed a threat to the Leaf Village after the Third sealed part of his soul.’

I only stayed on at the Sound Village because of the freedom it gave me. I was practically the Otokage. ‘Hn…how in the world did Orochimaru catch a Hunter from Konoha, even if he is a dobe?’

I remove the kettle from the fire as the water has clearly begun to boil. I pause before pouring the water into the kyusu, as the answer strikes me. ‘Orochimaru didn’t catch Naruto! Naruto let himself be captured,’ I think as my confusion thickens.

I have no idea how long I stood there ruminating on the possibility of Naruto’s reckless. Before I sense, Neji’s arrival in the living room. Shaken from my thoughts, I quickly move to pour the tea. Placing the kettle back on the stove, I cover the kyusu, so the tea can steep.

I don’t feign surprise or look up when Neji walks into the kitchen. “Well, that was surprising,” Neji says grimly.

“Hn,” I mutter in response. ‘More than you know.’

I move the Kyusu to the table near the tea set and wait. ‘Neji’s here for some reason. Let him get it out so that he can leave. I have a great deal to think about.’

“Know why he would do something like that?” Neji asks quietly.

‘Of course. Neji would figure this out as quickly as I have.’

“No idea,” I lie, not ready to discuss this with anyone, not even my new clansman.

“Don’t lie,” Neji snorts, “Just say you don’t want to talk about it. To be honest,” he continues, “I don’t want to talk about it either. Shikamaru insisted that I come over here and see if you wanted to ‘talk’.”

My mind barely registers Neji’s words. ‘He allowed himself to get caught. He could have gotten out of that prison at any time. He stayed. Why did he stay?’

With an irritated sigh, Neji stands up to leave, “Love is a funny thing, Sasuke. It makes you do strange things. Try to remember that.”

With that Neji left as quietly as he came, ‘Love, huh?’ I puzzle, ‘Love…hn.’ I can barely contain my confusion. I know that in the last thirty minutes, my entire understanding of Naruto has been ripped apart. ‘You never had to stay in the Sound Village at all. You never had to take that abuse. Who the fuck are you Naruto?’

Hearing the front door open invokes a sense of calm, ‘Guess, it is time to find out.’ I reach out to pour tea for two people. Naruto does not attempt to avoid me as he immediately starts toward the kitchen. ‘I knew he wouldn’t. Now is not the time for coyness.’

I just finish pouring the tea when Naruto steps into the room. I look up at him, taking in his look of determination as I push a cup of tea to the opposite side of the table and motion for him to sit down. As he sits and takes the offered tea, I pick mine up and calmly sip it. It is not my best brew, but it will do for today.

“Who are you Naruto?” I ask quietly, looking at him intently over the rim of my teacup. I figure the direct approach is best. I am tired of playing guessing games.

Naruto throws a startled glance my way, before his expression closes off, “What do you mean by that?”

“Who are you? What kind of Hunter-nin gets captured by Orochimaru?”


***** ‘Naruto’s thoughts’

‘No one could ever accuse you of being a dobe, huh, bastard?’

After my initial shock, my mind whirls on how to respond to Sasuke. Throwing up the expressionless mask I use when engaging an enemy, I calculate how to use this opening Sasuke has given me to my advantage.

We sit in silence as I mull over my options. I can tell him the truth. It hardly matters one way or the other now. Sasuke has proven to be a faithless bastard. And yet, I can use that same logic to tell him a lie. I do not owe him the truth. Sasuke has proven to be a faithless bastard. ‘There is one difference though. Sasuke hasn’t earned the effort it would take to lie.’ And if I tell him the truth, then maybe he will trust me more. Maybe we can have that night I’d planned.

Suddenly, I realize that my plan at revenge doesn’t really exist. I’m not so delusional as to think that I really have any intentions on exacting revenge on Sasuke. ‘No, all I want is one night. One night to show me what we could’ve had. It’s all too complicated. There is no such thing as happy endings. But I am too selfish not to want a glimpse at it, even if for a moment.’

“What exactly do you want to know, Sasuke?” I ask seriously, as I move to sip my tea quietly.

“Why?”

Taking in Sasuke’s features, seeing his earnest expression, I deliberately released the tension I’d been holding to myself for the past week and a half. ‘My one night starts right now.’

Dropping the mask, I respond with equal amount of earnestness, “I told you I would bring you home. And I did.”

Letting that bit of information go made a dam of emotion flood through me. Emotions I’d long forgotten I had. The fear I’d held for Sasuke while he was in the Sound exploded in my body like a tangible ache. My desire for him to be well, to be happy, to be with me... My love for him. I’d forgotten how fiercely I once felt for this man. ‘And for this night, I will allow myself to feel it all. All the anger, the pain, the disappointment, the pleasure, the joy… the love. Just for tonight,’ I promise myself.

****** ‘Sasuke’s thoughts'

“I told you I would bring you home. And I did.”

The emotions that explode within me at those words defies description. The anger I had toward Orochimaru for damaging my dobe. The fear I had when I though he would die. The despair I felt when we realized what damage could not be reversed. ‘Our lost children… It could have all been avoided- He did this to us on purpose. He-’

“It became clear,” Naruto continued interrupting my thoughts, “you would not come home on your own. You were too good to be caught, even by me. And I was always one step behind you. I always arrived at places you’d been too late.

“Tsunade gave me six months to find you. My last six months where I would have the freedom of my Hunter-nin status. It took me three months to come up with a fool-proof plan. I’d allow Orochimaru to catch me, then you’d rescue me and be forced to return me back to Konoha, where you would be pardoned for saving the next Hokage. You would be free and you would be home.”

‘Hn, fool-proof? You failed there, dobe. Only a fool could think about or execute such a reckless plan!’ I can feel the anger strumming through my veins. ‘You almost fucking died! What then, moron? Did you even think about that?’

“I must admit-,” Naruto starts with unconcealed rage in his voice. The blast of emotion startles me out of my rising fury. ‘What are YOU fucking angry about?’

“I must admit,” he begins again with a little more control, but the rage is simmering right underneath the surface, “I thought you would rescue me sooner.”

For a moment I sit up straight in shock, ‘What the hell are you talking about? Sooner!? I rescued you as soon as I heard you’d been captured? I wasn’t even at the compound when you were captured, dobe!’

“Naruto,” I begin as calmly as I can, “I came for you as soon as I heard.”

With eyes flashing with accusation and anger, Naruto shouts, “That’s a fucking lie! You left me in that dungeon to be used by- by everyone! I didn’t know that you hated me like that. I didn't know. I thought you would save me. But you didn’t. You didn’t until it was too late.”

Hiding my surprise at the fury of his accusations. ‘You can’t possibly believe that I left you to be raped and experimented on. I would never-’

“And don’t even try to lie,” Naruto warns with his eyes narrow and his hand threatening to crush the teacup in his hand, “I saw that look of desire you had when you first saw me. I saw that you took pleasure in what I’d become.”

‘You saw,’ my head once again reeling in confusion. ‘You were awake?’

“You were a wake?” I repeat softly feeling my rage begin to bubble, threatening to split my skin with its fury.

“I never lost consciousness. I tried to go crazy, but I couldn’t. I was always aware,” Naruto spits at me like bullets of accusation.

‘He thinks I let this happen to him. He really believes that I enjoyed what happened to him. That I somehow planned it! What the fuck!’

“I didn’t know,” I state flatly trying to remain calm outwardly. I know how long it took Naruto to recover physically, and it is clear he has yet to recover mentally. ‘If he ever will.’ “I didn’t know Orochimaru captured you. I was away in the Cloud Village for two months. The minute I returned, Kabuto told me you’d been capture. He said they caught you three weeks before. I killed him and went to find you. The minute I found you I took you to Konoha. I saved you as soon as I found out you needed to be saved, Naruto”

Watching Naruto shake his head emphatically and reject my version of the events cooled my earlier rage. 'Has he been living with this version of the events all this time? It is a miracle he even lets me touch him.’ Suddenly, I feel sick over how I treated him before I left. ‘Oh my God, he must think I forced myself on him like Orochimaru and the prisoners. I don’t deny forcing myself on him. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would. He made me wait too long. But it was not to make him suffer, but to make him remember. To remember himself. Remember his sexuality. To remember me. I wanted him to remember me.’

“You wanted to break me, Sasuke,” Naruto started in a low voice. His feverish eyes piercing into my regretful ones, “You wanted me to be nothing and you waited until I was nothing before you came and got me.”

Looking at the almost maniacal expression on Naruto’s face makes me realize that he is not exactly sane. ‘He’s built up a fantasy. A fantastic world that has no grounding in reality. He’s mad,’ I marvel with a new sense of how fragile Naruto is, ‘I will not loose him to this madness. I will not!’

“Naruto,” I begin in a voice as calm and soothing as possible. “Did you check to see if I was in the Sound before you executed your plan?”

All I can do is bank on what I know about Naruto’s propensity not to follow through on researching his plans. He can come up with brilliant plans, but he never does enough research to know when to execute them. This is what makes him so reckless, so in need of being taken care of. But right now that failing can be used to my advantage. If I can get him to see that his plan was not fool-proof. In fact, it was so far from fool-proof it was fucking foolhardy. He might return to reality.

With a tilt of his head, Naruto looks at me as if I’d become a strange creature. ‘Come back to me, dobe. Leave that fantasy world.’

“Did you?” I repeat reaching out to calmly pour myself more tea. Hoping that the simple everydayness of the act will break through the maniacal haze that has settled over Naruto’s features. “Did you check?”


****** ‘Naruto’s thoughts’

“Did you check to see if I was in the Sound before you executed your plan?”

I barely hear Sasuke’s questions as I begin to relive the horrors of my victimization in the Sound Village. My stomach seems to reopen itself as I recall the surgical procedures Kabuto put me through. He pretended like he was searching for a miniature Kyuubi in my entrails. But really, he was surveying the changes being a carrier for Kyuubi did to my body. No human can be a demon vessel without that demon altering the person’s physiological structure in some way. It is one of the ways foreign philosophers attempt to understand the relationship between the mind, body, and spirit. Kabuto was so fascinated by anything foreign and new. According to foreigners, physical alterations because of spiritual changes prove empirically that spirits inhabit bodies. We are all composed of spirit. He recited this to me over and over again as he cut into me without mercy. Surveying all that Kyuubi had changed. Telling me almost nothing of his findings besides the occasional ‘interesting’ or a hum of fascination. He didn’t even tell me Kyuubi’s changes made it capable for me to have children. He ruined everything with his experiments.

‘He ruined me. He ruined me and Sasuke let him.’

I tilt my head to study Sasuke, images of pain and horror flashing through my mind, as I take in his too calm expression. ‘How could he have let that happen to me?’

“Did you?” Sasuke asks, his movement to pour more tea momentarily breaking me out of my memories, “Did you check?”

My confusion at the question must show on my face.

“Check what?” I ask in a raspy tone. I barely recognize my own voice.

In a gentle voice, Sasuke responds, “Did you check to see if I was in the Sound Village before you allowed yourself to be captured? Did someone tell you I was there?”

It takes a moment for the question to sink in. ‘No. I didn’t check. Because…’

“You are always in the Sound Village that time of year. That is the time that the Otokage is honored. You always come back for that.”

“Not that year, Naruto. That year I was sent to lightning country to take part in the ceremonies honoring their kage. She’d just signed a treaty with the Sound and requested my presence as an act of good will. I didn’t return to the Sound until after you’d been captured. And I swear to you, Naruto, I would have saved you immediately had I been there. In fact, I saved you the minute I found out you’d been captured.”

‘That’s the most I’ve ever heard him talk,’ I think in a daze. ‘I didn’t check, but he is always there at that time. He’s lying. I was there I saw. I know-’

“Did Orochimaru say that I deliberately didn’t come and save you?” Sasuke asks carefully sipping his tea, as if his concentration was centered on not spilling any of it.

Startled by that question, I allow my eyes to fall to the table. Confusion begins to overtake me, ‘Why is he so calm? Orochimaru? What?’

“Did he, Naruto? Did he tell you that I was deliberately staying away?”

Weaving through all of the taunts that Orochimaru threw at me, I cannot remember him ever saying that Sasuke knew I had been captured. I don’t remember him ever saying that Sasuke refused to rescue me.

“Don’t you think that is odd?” Sasuke asks almost in a whisper, as if he is sharing the deepest of all secrets with me. “Don’t you think that he would have taunted you with my neglect? He knew how close we were. He would have said something, if I’d actually refused to come and rescue you. Don’t you think?”

My confusion deepens. ‘Why didn’t Orochimaru say anything? He would have surely wanted to rub it in that Sasuke had left me to suffer, to be tortured. No! Sasuke knew. He probably bullied Orochimaru into saying nothing. Orochimaru was weak.’

“You probably told him not to mention you. You had a plan after all. You wanted to break me,” I say weakly as my own logic starts to sound weak to my own ears.

Putting his teacup down softly on the table in slow movements, Sasuke leans back and looks me dead in the eyes. I watch his expression ice over, though he is still attempting to radiate a type of soothing calmness. ‘Only Sasuke can make ruthlessness compatible with comfort,’ I think with a snort through my confusion.

“Do you want to know what I did to Orochimaru, Naruto?” Sasuke asks in a cold voice.

I know that he brought Orochimaru’s head back in an extreme state of decomposition. But no one has seen fit to share details with me. Slowly, I nod my head in response. Never taking my eyes off of him.

“I picked the flesh from his body with hypodermic needles. He was very much alive and bound when I started. I took a needle and picked the flesh from his bones, deliberately severing only very minor arteries. I refused to let him bleed to death. I made up imagined experiments. I masturbated and urinated on his wounds. And I killed him inch by bloody inch for what he did to you and for what he let happen. I made him suffer before he died and after he died I continued to pick the flesh from his bones until he had no more flesh left. That was the state of his skull when I brought it to Konoha. I brought home to you a mangled, urine-soaked, and semen-soiled skull.

“He begged for mercy, you know? But he didn’t deserve any so I didn’t give him any. Orochimaru knew his fate when he broke you. He knew his days were numbered. I burned the Sound Village to the ground. I tore that village apart for you. Four years ago, the Village of the Sound ceased to exist. And you think, I left you in that dungeon for three weeks to suffer?” Sasuke asks with an icy, calm rage, “Never, Naruto. Never!”

Staring Sasuke’s ruthlessness in the eye is a heady experience. Somewhere during that description of revenge my mouth had fallen open in shock and horror. Shaken out of my own assumptions of Sasuke’s actions, it becomes clear to me that this man would have never left me in that dungeon to be tortured. I’d heard that Orochimaru’s skull was the stuff of nightmares. But to strip Orochimaru’s flesh with a needle is more than nightmarish, it is down right madness. Looking into Sasuke’s cold matter-of-fact eyes as he describes the torture he put Orochimaru through, shows that Sasuke is not altogether ‘there’. ‘He’s crazy.’

I can see the shading of mania that always seems to adorn the background of his expressions shining through proudly. ‘This fucker is ruthless.’ This realization should probably bother me more, but it is not actually new information. Sasuke is a dangerous man. Dangerous not only because he loves it;, but dangerous also because he takes pride in being merciless. He lives according to principle most people can’t fathom much less live by. ‘This is what makes him so strong,’ I admit with a little remorse, ‘And this is also why I must leave him. He will consume me before long. His will to dominate is so much stronger than my own.’

We sit in a heavy silence. Him pouring another cup of tea, me watching him with a type of morbid fascination. ‘He destroyed a village for me? Why does that make me feel so powerful? Almost cared for… Hn. I know better than to think that Sasuke knows how to care. But this reinforces one thing, he is not going to just let me go.’

A mixture of desire and anticipation runs through my body as I envision our immediate future. I am stronger than him, according to raw strength. But Sasuke is stronger than me, according to absolute ruthlessness. ‘Classic battle, I suppose. Brute strength versus raw will. Oh well, this is not really new information anyway. Sasuke is not a man to be trifled with, and I am about to trifle with him. Still,’ I think with a breath of release, ‘it is nice to have someone who avenged me. I wonder how far Sasuke went in his vengeance.’ I cannot suppress a question that suddenly becomes too important not to ask.

“Did you rape him too?” I ask with a morbid sense of peace, already knowing the answer.

For a moment, Sasuke sits silently as if he is deciding whether to tell me the truth or not. Sipping his tea quietly, he responds with an understated brutality, “I made that motherfucker feel 100 times the pain he put you through. ALL of the pain, Naruto. All of it.”

If I didn’t think Sasuke would misunderstand my intentions, I would laugh at the picture he presents. Sipping tea and talking of torture. ‘He will probably always be this man. This ruthless, slightly crazy, man who would kill a village because I was hurt there. Maybe I should be upset that he raped Orochimaru. But for him to rape Orochimaru, must have been especially difficult for Orochimaru to bear. After all, he’s taken care of Sasuke since he was 12. There were even rumors that they were lovers for a time. How cruel of Sasuke.’ I wait for the slight discomfort that always accompanies my assessments of Sasuke’s cruelty. But all I feel is a dark sense of comfort. ‘Why am I so comforted by Sasuke’s propensity to be merciless? Maybe because he applied it partially on my behalf? Hmm…maybe. I am not a fool. Sasuke’s actions were as much for his own pride as for some harm inflicted on me. I guess, there is some comfort in knowing how predictable the bastard is. Besides, if I know Sasuke, and I am beginning to believe I do, he wouldn't have harmed the civilians. But I'm sure he destoyed anything and anyone who could've carried on in Orochimaru's place. It is nice to know that Orochimaru suffered. It is a nice gift.’

I sit back in my chair with a feeling of contentment, “Good. I hated that asshole.”

My response must have startled Sasuke, because his body gives a jerk as a short snort of laughter escapes his lips. At that I offer a genuine wide smile, as if the emotional roller coaster of the past hour had never occurred.

Sasuke’s eyes greedily take in my smile. He returns it with a small, self-deprecating simile of his own. “Yeah,” he says eyes shining with laughter, “I hated that asshole too.”

With that understatement, I let my laughter explode. I listen with half an ear to Sasuke’s rusty chuckles. ‘Orochimaru suffered! His legacy destroyed.’ I think with satisfaction, ‘I suppose, I can always count on Sasuke to be Sasuke.’ With that thought, my merriment falters a bit, but not for long. I will not allow anything to put a damper on this last bit of time with him. ‘No. No regrets. Tonight is my night. Tomorrow I will make an enemy of him. But just for tonight we are lovers and we are safe.’ I let my desire and lack of fear of him shine through my eyes.

***** ‘Sasuke’s thoughts’

‘He really is beautiful when he laughs.’ I think with a sense of wonder. My body immediately responds to the desire in his eyes, as tension fades away that I did not know I had when I recognize that he does not fear me. I hadn’t realized how much I didn’t want Naruto’s fear.

‘All I ever wanted was you, dobe.’

Something like happiness wells up inside of me. An emotion that is so rare, I hardly recognize it. It is accompanied by a dawning realization.

‘Love is a funny thing, indeed.’


TBC

A/N: Updates should be much quicker now. My schedule has been freed up quite a bit.

Response to reviews:

THANK YOU ALL FOR TAKING THE TIME TO REVIEW!!! They really motivate me to keep updating!!

Forgotten Princess: Don't worry Neji is safe from Sasuke. That would be absolutely unforgivable! And there is more to come on Ino. She's in a unique position.

Darling425: Yeah, Naruto has to learn the hard way the depths of his own feelings. But don't worry, Naruto is strong enough to handle Sasuke. It should be interesting between them in the Sand!

hisoka kurosaki: We'll see,yes? Thank you for your review!

hinata chan: What can I say, I love you and I love your reviews! This last one tells me you understnad precisely what is going on in this story. Heck, you even predicted the topic of the this chapter! I hope you like it. There is a lemon on the horizon. I'm writing it now...should be pretty hot. Let me know what you think of this chapter, yes?

SasuNaru723: I sincerely hope you like this chapter, my faithful reviewer.

vampire sawyer: Naruto will get some sort of revenge. Whether he intends it or not, Sasuke will take his actions that way.

Sneaky Fox: *evil grin* yes, Sneaky Fox, the lemon is very near. Very near...

Jelp: Ditto, m'dear. I loved Nameless Desire. Loved it!!!

Tseu-tumi: I am so glad you like this unusal fic! It is a little *cough* dark, but it is fun to write.

Sealink: This can be such a disturbing fic. I don't know what that says about me, but I am assured that I am fairly normal. It just seems to me, that human being in general place too much confidence in their ability to understand others. Misunderstandings like the one's between Sasuke and Naruto are so easy to develop. Anyways, I hope you keep reading! Thank you again for your review!

Sadistic Kiss: So glad you like it. And, yeah, Sasuke is pretty awful in this fic. But Naruto is no cup of tea himself (we are going to see more glimpses of this as the story wears on). To me, they are both kinda scary.

Menow: Don't worry. Updates will be much quicker from now on, you'll see.

Gina: Beloved, faithful reader! I'm so glad you like this fic. Thank you so much for your reviews. I look for them. I wonder, 'what did Gina think of this chapter?'

blue-genjutsu: So glad you like it. Naruto will have some sort of awkward revenge on Sasuke, much to his own surprise. More to come. Thank you for reviewing!

jazzy2may: Thank you very much for your compliments. In this fic, naruto is a force (whether he knows it or not). We'll see how he uses his power, yes?

Sunlight159: I think so. I think so. There's more to come and I am a sucker for happy endings. We may have to settle for a hopeful ending though...but we'll see, yes?

PlotAfictionado: Wow! High compliments, indeed. Thank you for your kind words. They were inspirational in getting this chapter out. Thank you for your review.

Anon: I hope the single quote problem got better for you. I learned how to use the italics on this site fairly late. There are two chapters I haven't quite gotten to. I'll try and revise them tonight. Anyhow, I'm very glad you like this fic. It is dark, yes. But I try to sprinkle seeds of hope. There is always hope, yes? Besides, slightly insane people need love too.

Dicey (I & II ;-): LOL! You are hilarious! Thank you so much for your reviews! I have to agree with you about the over the topness of the village killing. But there will be more on this as the story progress. You may find that though it is an extreme measure, it is not as bad as it sounds. I'm almost certain that Naruto will not disappoint you in this regard. Sasuke, on the other hand, is a different matter... lol

losthimagain: Here's an update for you. And don't worry there is more to come. Updates will definitely be quicker from now on.


Thanks y'all again for reviewing. I read them over and over again for inspiration.

cloudy