The Restricted Section

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own the basis for the story idea “The Restricted Section”.


The Restricted Section
By 11


Chapter 16

He always knew what to do. He was the strong one, not Naruto.

He would know what to do.

Kyuubi was always the stronger one – even when they beat him down he could take it. He’d get in the way, just to protect him – that was why they had to leave. But he was so strong.

He would always laugh afterwards and tell him not to worry. It didn’t hurt him – it never did he said. He didn’t care. They couldn’t touch him.

It never got to him – it wasn’t like he cared about those people. He didn’t respect them. So they could call him worthless, they could threaten to kill him and it didn’t matter. He’d be laughing the whole bloody time.

He’d smirk and laugh when he cried. Hold him, tell him they couldn’t touch him, that it didn’t hurt, not him.

They could cut his arms open and his belly and let his guts fall out, but he’s still be fine. Nothing could hurt him. That’s what he said.

He had to wake up – he was the strong one. And Naruto couldn’t let him go yet. He’d been absent for years – but he always knew he would wake up. So he couldn’t die.

He said nothing could hurt him.

So strong – so much stronger than him. He knew he’d die one day; he knew that he said he was ready for it. It would happen one day whether he wanted it or not.

So why should he worry about it.

`

She was surprised he came. She was surprised he wasn’t pushing her away when they stood only a few feet from each other. She was surprised that she was so calm now that the time had finally come.

After this, she had to let go. She needed to, she wanted to. She had to end it.

Sasuke stood before her, looking back his eyes darting about her face, looking for something. What, she couldn’t tell, perhaps a clue as to why she’d called him out, or why he had finally accepted?

“You called me out here.” He stated, “What do you want?”

“To talk.” She told him, watching.

His eyes stared back at her. “So talk.” An edge to his voice, but she wasn’t expecting sympathy or caring. She just needed… closure.

“I’m surprised you’re not trying to run away again, or push me away like you did.” She noted with some calmness, “It makes me happy. Just being able to stand across from you without you glaring at me.” His face was hard but not angry.

“Even your blank face is better than that.”

He could identify with that – it was almost better that Naruto ignored him than that the blond attacked him with words. It felt like a long time ago now, but it wasn’t something he ever wanted to feel again.

“I’m not pushing you away again. I’m not and I won’t.” He told her, and sighed, weary of her, the last time he’d ever spoken to her he’d done nothing but insult her. He had purposely tried to tear her up. “I was cruel.”

“Yes you were.”

He felt a flare of anger. She agreed? Then what was this?! “With all I’ve done to you, you really should hate me.”

“I know.” She breathed, her voice broke softly and she shut her mouth, pressing her lips to a tight line, averting her eyes. Sasuke frowned and grimaced, it was just like before; she was about to cry.

Why? Because he had changed, and she had not, she had not moved on, ever since the moment he walked out her door and promised never to return.

“Why?”

She reached up and pale fingers brushed tears from emerald eyes. “It’s nothing. I guess I’m happy – sorry.”

She didn’t look happy. She looked like she was about to break down. Every muscle trembling and stiff. Brittle glass about to shatter. “I didn’t even know if this would work.” She breathed, and steadied herself, “Thank you, for coming. I…”

She broke off again. “Sakura-”

“You don’t have to say anything,” she shook her head cutting him off. Steady now she walked to stand beside him. Her shoulder rested against his and he felt her relax in the silence.

Green eyes vibrant and alive, thoughts flashing across the surface; sorting things out for herself. But he did have to speak.

He had to say it anyway, even if she already knew, even if she didn’t want to hear it. “I don’t love you.”

She took a breath, remained silent. Her expression did not change, her eyes did not water, she breathed and stayed completely still. “I know.”

“I’m sorry.” And for a moment he really was. Sorry that he’d hurt her, sorry that he’d even truly taken joy and amusement in her suffering. “Sakura-?”

She stiffened against him suddenly and her breath whooshed out of her in a heavy sigh, she shook her head. “No, no, thank you.” Her voice broke, and she was crying again.

Her voice too lilting, too high, “Sakura?” Sauske started, as her body shook, and she was laughing, and tears were falling from her eyes, “Thank you so much.”

She was laughing and crying, and he didn’t know what to do. So awkwardly he lifted his arm and set it around her shoulder, the nearest form of comfort he could offer. Presently her laughter subsided and the tears stopped, her smile remained.

“You’re so kind now,” she noted, sighing in contentment in his arms. “It’s strange to be thinking of you as ‘Sasuke’.”

“You didn’t deserve what I did to you, I’m sorry.” He frowned, she confused him, he felt unsure. “If I can make it up to you, I will, to the best of my ability and my will. But I don’t love you, and you have to understand that at some point.”

She only nodded. He shifted slightly, what more was she expecting from him?
“I’m sorry for hurting you.” He finished lamely, unable to think of anything more. What else could he do?

Sakura giggled slightly and lifted her head, wiping away the tear tracks, smiling at him. “I know. You mean it today. I understand it.” She agreed, “I think what I told you before is still true though. I still love you.”

She smiled and waved off his frowning face, “But I understand. I know. I know how you feel.” She sighed and leaned away, his arms released her and once more she stood before him.

And for once she didn’t appear timid, small or shy. Something bright and alive, that spark of life that first drew him in – somehow she had lost it hadn’t she? But it was back now.

“Which is why I can’t keep seeing Naruto in good faith,” she continued, “I’ll break him off gently. Since you love him, don’t you?”

Sasuke started. Had she seen him spying on them?! How did she-?!! “You knew?”

“He loves you too.”

“Did he say that?”

She laughed and shook her head, “The bond you have is different than what Naruto has formed with me.” She looked wistful, “The way he loves you is vastly different from the love he has for me.”

Sasuke puzzled, hadn’t Hinata said something like that over the phone too? Something like that?

“You’re his mother?”

Sakura burst out laughing, nearly doubling over. “I have no idea!” she exclaimed between giggles, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he loves me like a sister though. I know I love him like a brother!”

She breathed and tossed her hair back over her shoulder, “I’m sorry for hurting you until this point.” She told him truthfully.

He shook his head, “No, it was my fault… I wouldn’t even talk to you, so you must have felt you had no choice.” Hinata had told him that too, glad he listened. “If there’s anything I can do-?”

“You already have.” She told him. Stepping forward she wound her arms around him, pulling him tightly to her. A warm hug, friendly, and in a sense, like forgiveness. Then she released him.

He was amazed. That this was all it took. She had already forgiven him, she really was a kind person in that sense. “I’ll see you around.” She told him, “I hope things work out between you and Naruto. I hope you end up happy.”

She sighed and looked away with a sorry look. “I just wish there was someway I could alleviate the pain I’ve caused Naruto… the pain I will cause.” She smiled at him, “Hopefully things will work out eventually.”

“Me too.” Sasuke agreed returning her smile. Then she turned, and walked away. On her way to do what she knew had to be done. Looking after her back Sasuke wondered if at some point he might have actually come to love her.

After this was over, he dearly did hope that things would at least return to the way there were.

`

Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeep. Beep.

Over and over, the equipment buzzed and beeped, and clicked, red and green lights flashing. Medical personnel rushed into the room and Naruto stood in the doorway looking in.

Beep. Beeeeeep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep.
The machine whirred and buzzed and clicked and beeped.

His twin’s eyes moving in rapid patterns beneath closed lids.

“Kyuubi?!”

Then they were reading numbers and shouting orders across the commotion of beeping machines. Naruto flew to his self’s side, his darker hand gripping the paler hand of his brother and he felt the vein jumping in his twin’s palm.

“Kyuubi… me…”

Echoing blue eyes bright and filmy flashed open locking onto twin irises. Staring directly into his other body.

His mouth fell open, pale cracked lips and his throat rattled as the sound came – a static crying screech. Before a grimace twisted through his face and body.

The machine sounded out a single screeching tone, ringing around the room, a single dull tone that faded off into nothing. The room was silent but Naruto couldn’t have heard it anyway.

Blue eyes still open staring into him. His own eyes dull and lifeless, his own skin pasty and white, his own mouth lax and cracked, his own heart and pulse still in his hand and chest.

The doctor sighed and turned away checking his watch while the nurse made a note. “Time of death: --”

He couldn’t hear him.

No. He was right beside him. He was awake just then. He knew he was.

“Kyuubi!”

“Someone get him out of here.”

Then his eyes died too.

He didn’t feel it when he was led from the room. He didn’t hear them when they explained about the heart-murmur that killed him. He didn’t see the plain white walls or the street he wandered down after. He didn’t even realize his legs were moving.

Kyuubi was dead His twin brother was dead. His other self was dead. He was dead. Naruto was dead.

After years of coma he finally died. But he could only see his own body lifeless and cold. The pulse died in his hand – he felt it as it sped and then vanished. He’d seen the light leave his eyes. He’d heard the static cry that hissed past a raw throat.

Kiba and Neji had disappeared at some point but he hadn’t payed attention to how, or if he had just left them. He couldn’t see any of it.

By the time the fog began to clear all her saw was her. His milky-skinned angel, bright red and pink hair, green emerald eyes. She looked so happy – and he lifted his arms to receive her.

He needed her to hold him to cure this numbness. To whisper into his ears to make him hear again. To smile at him and drive away this night. Make him forget – or make him remember, make him feel. He didn’t want to die.

He wasn’t the dead one.

“Sakura.” And he could speak, already she was helping him. Though she smiled she didn’t run into his arms, she didn’t hold him. She stood away and her smile turned sad, pitying. Did she know?

Dared he think it… Was she leaving too…?

He wanted so badly to fall into her arms, and let her hold him and tell him it would be alright. He wanted to tell her that he needed it but he couldn’t open his throat when he saw her smile turn sad and she stopped in front of him.

Her words were all that was needed to destroy him. “Naruto, glad you’re here. We need to talk.” She told him.

And he couldn’t tell her, she didn’t know. She didn’t know he was dead. He could only listen.

“I’m sorry. I think we should break up.” She grimaced, “It’s necessary. It’s not you, it’s not really me either. I think we both know that this isn’t a romantic relationship, or romantic feeling that we share.”

He could only listen. She didn’t know, he wouldn’t tell her.

“It’s hurting you too, and me. I’ve been using you, I told you that from the start, it’s why I didn’t want us to ‘date’ to begin with.” She frowned, waiting for him to respond but he didn’t. And apparently she could not decipher his face.

Frowning she continued. “I don’t love you.” She offered, awaiting a reaction, any reaction. But Naruto couldn’t feel it. He didn’t respond, he was incapable of response now. Beyond it.

His agony was unable to increase any farther than the numbness. Yet her words and the knowledge of her absence seemed to leave him even emptier.

Emptier than if he had no consciousness at all, his self floating away, a fading entity he could no longer see.

She bit her lip, disturbed by the lack of response. “You understand, right?”

But she had been smiling, so sadly, so kindly. There was no way he could deny her. So he smiled back, his expression lax, completely at peace – easily manipulated, he was already gone.

“I understand. It’s alright.” He told her, a voice not quite his own. And she smiled again, relief on her soft and pleasant face.

Then she fell forward, and he felt her arms around him in a tight hug. His arms winding around her too – stealing the last of comfort. Her touch driving back the numbness.

“Thank you Naruto.” She breathed, a whisper in his ear, so he could hear. And he could hear the pain in her voice, this had been hurting her too, and he knew that it was right to let her go.

Then she released him and drifted away. She danced to the edge of his sight and he marveled how much lighter she seemed, as if a huge weight had lifted from her body and soul.

He could see, the street, the people milling around, the cars. He could hear the sounds, the murmur of conversation, the car engines and shop noises. But it didn’t matter that he could see and hear. The numbness gone was useless.

Now he was totally alone.

Kyuubi was dead. He was dead. Naruto was dead. He had already died. It was only then that his body broke to the ground.

`

When blue eyes next opened he was staring at the hospital ceiling and for a moment he really was that pale dead thing with his face. He really was dead… but he could still see.

“Naruto? Are you okay?”

Hinata’s worried face hovered over him. “He’s awake?” Kiba’s voice sounded and the brunette also leaned over him, expression tense and uneasy.

“Naruto? Can you hear me?” Shino leaned over from Hinata’s side, and held up his middle and index fingers. “How many fingers?”

“I don’t think he has a concussion Shino,” Hinata told him quietly, “The doctor said it could just be shock.”

Kiba glanced up at Hinata and Shino then back to him, “How are you feeling?”

Dead.

“Where’s Kyuubi?”

His friend frowned and looked up at Hinata for help. Biting her lip she took a breath and started slowly. Her hand rose to his forehead, her warm skin burning into him.

It woke him, erasing the numbing feeling all over his body. He needed his arms too, and his legs. He had to walk. He had to see Kyuubi.

“Your brother died. Remember? He’s dead. His body is already moved downstairs to the morgue.” Hinata told him slowly, gently, her voice soft and quiet. “You can see his body if you’d like.”

In response he turned to get out of the bed, tossing back the covers. He ripped the monitor out of his wrist. It would have stung normally, but he couldn’t really feel it.

Hinata however yelped at the harsh motion and insisted on putting gauze around the open hole until it clotted over.

He moved, and his blood started moving again too. With every step, every nerve came back to feeling.

His arms limp and heavy, his wrist stinging, his legs like lead stomping forward, his ankles too loose. His neck was too stiff. His expression felt blank.

But as he reached the doors to the morgue he could not move forward anymore. Hinata frowned, and looked to Kiba for explanation. He only shrugged and Shino shook his head uncertain as well. “Something wrong, Naruto?” he asked.

The blond stood completely still but his heart was beginning to pound louder and louder. “I already know what I’ll see.” He turned to walk back down the hall.

He’d already seen it, his own paled skin, his own lifeless eyes. He’d just be looking at his own dead body.

His leg shuddered and his hand whipped out to grab the wall, refusing to fall again when his legs refused to hold him. This time Hinata, Shino, and Kiba’s arms lifted him, and helped him stand steady.

“Naruto, let’s take you back to the room and everything,” Hinata suggested plaintively, “you should rest.”

“Must have been a hell of a shock,” Kiba stated, “was for me. I think I’ll need a good nap myself.”

“Insane…” Shino sighed, he’d only heard the news like Hinata had. He’d never actually seen Kyuubi, somehow it felt like something outside his field of consciousness.

It seemed outside his limits of noticing or caring, as insensitive as it seemed, that was the way it felt. “It’ll probably register in mind tomorrow or something.”

Naruto refused to respond, letting the three of them lead and carry him back to the hospital bed. He bit his tongue to keep from screaming. He clenched his muscles to keep from fighting them off.

He felt like taking a baseball bat to something hard and breakable. His anger now a tangible orange course spinning in his head and blood, extending to his hands and tongue. So he bit his tongue and fisted his hands to contain that rage.

He wasn’t angry at these people. He wasn’t angry at his friends. He wasn’t even angry with the doctors.

They had told him that the irregular beatings could be subject to a heart murmur and that over time his extended coma would lapse and those irregularities could prove fatal.

He couldn’t be angry at any of them. Only himself, his stupid optimistic self, his still breathing, still living self. Why was he still alive? Why was he still so full of energy? Why?! He should be dead too!

Naruto didn’t respond when Shino, Hinata and Kiba eventually excused themselves promising to check on him later, and asking that he rest.

How could he rest? He was still alive. He was still ‘alive’, and he was furious at that. Once the three had gone he got up from the bed again, his legs steady beneath him – changed back to his regular clothes and checked himself out swiftly.

His legs carried him quickly away. He didn’t want to be near any of them right now. He didn’t want people. He didn’t want any of it.

Not now. Just ‘not now.’

`

He waited a day first. That gave Sakura enough to let the blond down gently, and him enough time to figure out how he would approach him after.

At this time he would find the blond at Jiraiya’s store and business should be slow enough that they could talk in privacy. Furthermore Naruto couldn’t just ignore him like he had been, and this time Sasuke would not give up on starting conversation.

Even if the love wasn’t ‘that’ kind of love it was bound to hurt when Sakura broke up with him, so it wouldn’t be unusual to comfort a friend. Chances were decent that the blond would need someone about now.

Those were the ideas at work in any case.

When he entered the shop he expected the blond youth to be there, it wasn’t surprising that he was stocking the shelves from a box that used to be downstairs either.

No what surprised him was the pallid state of the blond’s skin and the lines under his eyes. Apparently Sakura’s breaking up with him had hurt the youth more than he had expected.

Naruto looked up briefly when he heard the other come in, and turned back to his task when he confirmed the identity of the person in the shop. “You don’t look so good.” Sasuke remarked, a poor attempt at making conversation.

“I heard what happened, sorry about Sakura.” He offered. Naruto laughed suddenly, a short humorless laugh.

“Yeah.” One word. Toneless. A singular response. Sasuke shifted and frowned as he puzzled what the blond might have been thinking then.

But then Sasuke would not have had an inkling of the events of yesterday, nor their order, let alone their prominence in Naruto’s mind. Sakura, that was almost distant now, it didn’t matter anymore. He was dead.

Sasuke frowned, searching the other’s face as he finished stocking the shelf. “Are you okay?” he asked, “I mean, you’re obviously not, but… this bad?”

Naruto just shook his head, a sad mocking smile in place as he turned away and wiped it off realizing he was actually mimicking the living.

“Is there anything I can do?” Sasuke asked, following him as Naruto took the box back to the cellar-stairs to the restricted section.

“Nothing.” Naruto told him tonelessly as he descended the stairs. Sasuke stood confused a moment before following. Afterall, relationship breakups were hard but not this bad, and time or something could be done to cheer the other person up after.

He had to gain back his trust or he might never speak to him ever again – and he couldn’t bear even those short periods of non-communication.

“There has to be something,” Sasuke insisted following the blond down the steps, “Don’t ignore me Naruto, I want to help.”

“You aren’t allowed down here.” Naruto told him pointedly, otherwise ignoring his presence. He wouldn’t even turn back to face him and Sasuke’s mouth pressed to a line his brow furrowing with concern.

He was acting like a zombie in a way, completely unresponsive. It didn’t feel right, Naruto could respond to anything, this wasn’t him. He had to make him respond, he had to make sure that Naruto could still be Naruto… if he couldn’t.

He’d have to call up Hinata and possibly Karin and Suigetsu to see if they had any ideas for what to do – there was no way this irregular behavior was healthy.

“Come on, Naruto,” Sasuke tried again, loosening his voice and expression, “What about that chick at the pizza place? And that girl you recommended who takes shifts at Ichiraku? Surely she’s not the only attractive girl in the world?”

Naruto dumped the empty box and almost snorted at Sasuke’s words, an involuntary smile coming to place when he remembered the girl’s face at the pizza store when he and Sasuke started in on her. That poor girl…

No. He didn’t want this now.

“She didn’t dump you for another guy at least, you know you’re attractive already,” Sasuke shrugged casually, “She’s the one missing out, seriously! What was she thinking?”

Naruto bit the inside of his mouth to keep from grinning at the flattery. Sasuke was just trying to be nice, he knew that; but he didn’t want it, not now.

Kyuubi was dead, Sakura had left him, what was worse he couldn’t really care anymore than he did, he was left in the cold by Sakura, and his brother’s corpse, his own corpse terrified him more than the loneliness did.

Now Sasuke… Sasuke was threatening to make him forget, threatening to drive back the cold and fear. But he wasn’t done with it yet – he didn’t want it now.

“After you’re done here we could go for pizza – maybe that chick will be there,” Sasuke suggested, “I’ll even treat you. Want to? You get out soon anyway don’t you?”

Naruto bit his cheek till it bled – he would not say yes. No matter how much the growing lightness in his chest begged to just go with him he could not, would not. “Leave.” He hissed when he trusted himself to speak.

Sasuke started, and frowned. This was worse than he thought, did he cross the line by saying that about Sakura? But it wasn’t malicious!

The pizza offer was generic… it wasn’t like he was asking him out! He was even suggesting they meet girls – loathe as Sasuke was to expose his blond to another gropy female.

“Naruto?” he started his voice more solid, “Come on, I’m worried about you. Since when do you act like this?”

Sakura had said she’d let him down gently – he trusted her on that. Even now, so had something else happened? But what?

“Is there something else?” he asked aloud, Naruto turned past him to walk out, not once meeting his eyes. Sasuke’s hand caught him by the shoulder to get his attention.

Naruto started as he felt the warm touch, the smallest contact and his nerves leaped over themselves with excitement. He pulled away roughly, glaring back. Sasuke frowned – and Naruto hated himself more than ever.

Kyuubi was dead and he was getting excited by a guy just touching him, only Sasuke though, but it wasn’t right that he was having those thoughts now.

His voice, the first of pale skin almost entirely bare beneath him, lean body moaning under him – but that was long ago.

He wouldn’t have those thoughts – least of all now. Not now – he wasn’t allowed! It wasn’t right.

What was worse, Sasuke didn’t know, didn’t know his brother was dead, didn’t know he had these perverted thoughts, and Naruto just went ahead and hurt him. Worst: He couldn’t bring himself to feel guilt just then.

“Come on, Naruto,” Sasuke’s dark eyes staring him down, and Naruto felt his pulse begin to quicken, just those fierce eyes and he felt like melting away. “Something’s wrong, is there something you’re not telling me? What’s wrong? I want to help.”

That was the problem. He didn’t want help – he didn’t need help. Sasuke was making it worse just by being there – making his body thaw from the forced numbness Naruto had previously imposed.

“There’s nothing.” He snapped, “You can’t help. So leave.” Naruto turned to go again. Pale fingers closed over his wrist.

An electric thrill ran up his arm and reverberated along the blond’s spine. He bit his tongue to keep from starting and gasping at the warm contact. His hands felt so cold in Sasuke’s warm hold.

“Can I at least try?” the paler youth insisted. Naruto tried to yank his arm away, but Sasuke wasn’t letting him go; blue eyes narrowed in frantic agony – he couldn’t take it. It wasn’t right!

Why was all he wanted to do then, kiss him?! Back him against the wall and just touch him – roll his body against him? Why did he feel like he needed it so badly? To feel alive, that he was still here?

Naruto clenched his fist and yanked again. “Naruto.” Sasuke insisted, and Naruto’s mind screamed in agony of decision. He couldn’t take it!

“Damnit Sasuke!” Naruto shouted angrily, shocking the other youth enough to release his arm as he whirled away and headed for the exit. “Leave!!” He ordered, storming upward back to the store.

He needed Sasuke to leave, he could hardly think straight with him around – here he was honestly considering just throwing himself at the other. It probably didn’t even matter who it was.

“Naruto – what the hell is going on with you? Why don’t you just tell me?”

No, because if he did he’d say sorry for that too, he’d want to stay for moral support or company – or whatever crappy reason. And all he needed was to be left alone!

He didn’t need Sasuke’s body to prove he was still alive! He didn’t need the burn of physical contact to restore his nerves system to how it was. He didn’t need any of it!
“Naruto, please?”

Blue eyes glared back in fury – furious with the raven-haired youth, but also with himself. Sasuke wasn’t doing anything at all, he was being considerate, trying to be nice and helpful. But he didn’t need it! He didn’t want it!!

It wasn’t right – he was dead! Naruto wasn’t allowed to be feeling like ‘this’ now! So he knew he had to drive him off, by any means necessary – and any guilt that may have prevented him from doing it was absent.

“Why?” Naruto snapped, “So you can screw me yourself? You finally got Sakura out of the picture and so you think you’ll go back to that shit-head you really are?”

Sasuke stopped short, not sure for the first moment if he was really hearing the right words.

“I told you to leave, faggot,” Naruto told him coldly, and every word that left his mouth numbed him further. “Why don’t you ever listen the first time? I’m not interested in you – and I want you gone. Got it? Now get out!”

Sasuke started at the words spat forth, and shrank from him, moving backward unconscious of his withdrawal. “It’s not like that. I was just-”

“Yeah I know, you were just hoping for something stupid again.” Naruto growled, turning away, unable to keep staring at that porcelain face as hurt squashed the light from obsidian eyes and caused proud easy shoulders to draw back as if in pain.

There was a span of silence and glaring up again Naruto snapped his repeated command. “I said get out you piece of filth!”

Naruto’s throat clenched shut at empty onyx eyes, tensed expression, mouth fallen in lax and shock. Sasuke didn’t say anything as he turned for the door and left, the door swinging shut behind him.

Naruto did not speak a word, and he couldn’t be sure, if he had really seen the gleam of water treks falling down alabaster cheeks. The heat was gone now, the hollowness had returned.

An emptiness biting at the edges of his inside an ever widening gap. But that much was alright. He had invited it, but in doing so…

He was unnecessarily cruel, again. Terrible. Despicable. He wondered suddenly if he’d hurt Sasuke more than he could handle.

So wrong – his insides seemed to shrink and shrivel. He knew before that it wasn’t right. But there was no other way. So why did this emptiness inside of him seem to continue growing, just then?

`

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

No answer, never an answer, just a cold mirthless laugh in response.

“Come one, something’s wrong! You’ve been acting weird for days now! I want to help!”

A cold cruel laugh that slithered out of him and wrapped claws fingers around his chest and squeezed. “There is nothing. You cannot help me.”

The hissing fog poisoned his ear and clogged his throat. “Foolish child.”

He fell to the ground, but as long as he could move he continue to chase the retreating figure.

“Can’t I at least try? Why don’t you tell me? I want to know! I want to help! Please?!!”

The car engine started, and he was still too far away. The doorway was only a few feet away. But he was too slow as he ran towards the open window.

His hands grasped desperately at the sill, holding tight as the car backed from the driveway dragging his bare feet against the concrete ripping up the tender skin.

No.

“Can’t I come with you?!”

Dark and red stared back at him in amusement. Cold pale hands settling over his own. A cruel smile twisted his lips upward as he revved the engine, peeling back the child’s frantic fingers.

No.

“Please!! I don’t care if you never tell me! Don’t go! Let me come too!! PLEASE?!!”

No.

His fingers peeled back and a hand crossed his chest, stealing the last of his life, as if reaching through to cut on his heart. His body shoved roughly back.

No.

His head hit the pavement with a hard crack. His eyes unfocused, but he could hear the car pulling away, and the fading roar of the engine as he sped away.

He wouldn’t ever be coming back.

His face bled salt and water down the sides of his eyes, falling to his hair and the ground. Red stained the concrete, and he couldn’t stop crying. His brain wasn’t working right and he thought he could still hear him laughing.

Mirthful laughter, that grew in joy as his body was ripped apart. “Take you with me?” he hissed, amused.

“Foolish little brother.”

A final breath sucked into him and then was released. He couldn’t remember breathing anymore.

`

“Brat. What were you thinking?”

Naruto started at his employer’s voice. Jarring his thoughts and momentarily drawing him back into the world his body still existed in.

An angry frown marred his normally mostly-unattractive old-man face. “You really can be a total bastard.”

The heat was gone. The facts remained. Naruto didn’t respond to the accusation, it was completely true, he knew that.

“Asshole.”

Now that Sasuke wasn’t immediately there, he found the emptiness and regretted ever pushing him away.

“Dickhead.”

He thought he wanted to be alone. He thought he needed it. He didn’t want to forget, he didn’t want to take back life just yet.

“Jackass.”

He didn’t want to be alone. He shouldn’t have done what he did. All he wanted right then suddenly, was that warm presence beside him.

“Idiot bastard.”

He wanted to smile again. He didn’t want this emptiness. Kyuubi was dead. He wasn’t, and he couldn’t live with this weight.

“Jerky son-of-a-bitch.”

He didn’t want to be dead. He didn’t want the numbness. He was an idiot. He was a complete jackass, and to the only person he really wanted near him right then.

“Moronic prick.”

“Are you done yet?” Naruto muttered tonelessly turning away from the older man.

“No.” he fumed. “Piece of shit. Worthless scum. Idiot. Moron. Asshole. Bastard. Shitty dick.”

All true, but none of this was helping. He had to do something. But what? He couldn’t exactly run after him, he still had a work shift. “You’re repeating yourself.”

“I’m not done yet.” Jiraiya interrupted the interrupter. “I have one thing to say to you and one thing onl-!!”

The phone rang.

Jiraiya growled angrily when Naruto picked up the phone ignoring him. “Icha Icha Paradise, adult video and DVD rental.”

“Cut that crap, it’s Tsunade.” The womans’ voice grinded over the phone exasperated. “Why is your cell off?”

“Because I’m working.”

“I got a call from Hinata earlier, she’s having similar problems and can’t get ahold of Sasuke.” The woman told him, “I’m sorry to hear about your brother. Are you doing alright for now? The kids said you fainted yesterday.”

“I’m fine.” Naruto told her.

“Anyway I’m guessing Sasuke doesn’t know yet if Hinata hasn’t gotten ahold of him yet.” She sighed. “I’m really sorry about him. You know if there’s anything I can do.”

Not her. He wished he wasn’t an idiot. Then maybe the other would still be here. Every passing second he wanted to scream, a desperate yell building up. But it was his fault. He pushed him away, he caused his own torment.

He was such an idiot. Kyuubi would have known what to do. He’d laugh and give him the simplest explanation – and all he’d have to do was do it, and everything would follow through.

“It’s fine.” Naruto told her. “Thank you for all you’ve done for us already. Really. You have no idea how much we’ve appreciated it.”

“It’s just you now. Sure you’re alright?”

“I’m at work aren’t I?” Naruto sighed.

“You sound depressed.”

He was. But it wasn’t even about Kyuubi – it should have been, but it wasn’t. Surely that was the most terrible thought he could have. He’d pushed him away. He’d pushed them all away, purposefully. Causing them pain as he did so.

Now he really was alone, as was his choice by his actions. But he didn’t want that either. He’d rejected his presence without a second thought. Perhaps he should have just told him. Maybe he would have just left him alone then…

Maybe he could have made this hollowness go away.

“He was a total dick to Sasuke though!!” Jiraiya yelled toward the phone as loud as he could.

Naruto’s hand bolted up to cover the receiver and he stared at Jiraiya in mortification. “He didn’t even tell the guy what had happened and why he was being such an asshole to him!!”

“NARUTO!!” Tsunade’s shocked angry tones came over the phone, a screech and he could hear her teeth grit together in anger. He understood it, he’d have been angry too. He was angry, at himself; but there was nothing he could do now.

He should be detested. He should just hang up the phone. Then he could be the hollow detestable creature that destroyed it’s own chances at happiness.

“Idiot!” Jiraiya started his names up again. “Asshole. Dickwad. Bastard.” He was repeating himself – running out of insults and curses.

“What did you say to him?!”

He didn’t answer her. She sighed, and sounded irritated, weary, and exasperated. “Naruto, haven’t you also just been rejected by someone you cared about?” She paused waiting, but he didn’t answer. “I think you know what you should do.”

He did know. But it was impossible.

“You know brat, a few weeks ago, you were the happiest I’d ever seen you.” Jiraiya started, “I don’t really know who it is, I’d be loathe to think it’s that jerk you told off – though even he didn’t deserve that.”

“But I do know it’s not that girl you were just dating.” He stated roughly, “Whoever it is, if you let them go this time, you may never get a chance that comes along to be that happy again.”

What was he saying. “Neither of you should be alone right now.” Tsunade’s voice came over the phone.

Jiraiya stepped over and clicked the phone off of Tsunade, glaring at the blond. “This is a once in a lifetime event – don’t think this will ever happen again during any of your shifts for any reason!” He growled.

“Get out of here.” He ordered. “You have something very specific you need to do I think. Right now – get!!”

Like a dog, he needn’t be ordered twice. Naruto bolted, the door not even shut before he was halfway down the block. Running as fast as he could – he’d only been to Sasuke’s apartment once, but he knew he could find it.

Where else could he have gone? He’d think about that after he’d checked the apartment – that’s where Naruto would have gone if the same had occurred in reverse.

How could he fix it when he got there?! His mind screamed at him, his legs burning as he rushed down the street. He had no idea how to fix it. He could start by apologizing.

That might not be enough. He’d ask, all he could do, he would do. Anything that he could, he would. The best friend he’d ever had. He’d pushed aside, ignored, and then rejected again more cruelly than he ever could have.

His friend, and yet there was something that he felt stronger than friendship, something that tied him inexplicably so that he didn’t want to lose him. He’d do whatever it would take to have him back in his life.

He’d do whatever it took to live again, to get past the hollowness. And right now, he needed Sasuke.

He reached the apartment door, and stopped dead short panting as he realized that the door was ajar. “Sasuke…”

He was dead – there was a burglar.

He was dead – a murderer had lain in wait.

Or more likely: He was dead – suicide.

No.

Naruto rushed inside, slamming the door shut behind him. “Sasuke!” He shouted, the edge of hysteria touching his voice.

No.

His eyes scanned the living room quickly, the kitchen was empty, he checked the floor. Then dashed down the hall – bedroom empty.

No – he couldn’t lose him too.

The bathroom, he could hear the water running – drowning.

Naruto bolted for the sound. “Sasuke!” he shouted, turning for the bathroom, “Suicide is not the answer!”

The door flew open – and there he was.

His body lying almost totally submerged in the tub, water still running. His skin was pale and cold, eyes closed, dark hair damp and sticking to his neck and face.

“Sasuke!” Naruto tried again, as he reached in dragging the body from the tub. “You idiot!”

Sasuke’s eyes opened at the contact and he started as he was roughly yanked from the water, stumbling and falling into the blond’s hold.

“Naruto?” he muttered incoherent, surprised at being pulled to the other’s chest. “You’re the idiot. I wasn’t trying to drown myself.” He frowned.

Naruto started slightly. A very short eternity passed as Naruto processed this information. Then proceeded to try to justify his initial assumption: But his… the door was open!

And he’d called his name two times before that – he didn’t respond at all. The blond felt his face burn, but his arms had yet to release the other youth’s body hugged tight against his own.

He suddenly felt very, very stupid.

Sasuke felt confused. He couldn’t really remember stumbling back to his apartment, wasn’t he at home – his mother had found him on the driveway with a concussion where his head broke on the concrete.

He’d felt so sick and cold then – something awful had happened. But something bad had happened here too? So why did he feel so contented just like this.

His wet skin was cold and he knew he’d get goosebumps soon. But the warm body holding his, strong arms around his back and the firm chest – someone he knew. He had no desire to leave it.

His eyes fell shut again. It was like he’d come back. He’d never wanted him to leave – he’d said they were two of a kind, so alike, and they’d never be apart. They two were unique.

The arms stirred then to remove themselves, but Sasuke’s hands curled into the jacket fabric and held the body still against him. “Don’t go.”

A short laugh and the arms loosened anyway. His grip tightened and his whole body tensed. Was he going to drive off again? But there wasn’t another car! He couldn’t leave – not again.

“Don’t leave again, brother.” He hissed, his fingers holding the other’s body to him in a death grip. He’d left him once – he wasn’t going to let him do it again.

He hadn’t seen him in forever – he could have been dead! He wasn’t going to let him go. “Itachi.”

Naruto stayed silent. Sasuke still seemed half-asleep, what was he doing sleeping in the tub water anyway? It really was like he’d been trying to drown himself.

He moved his arms to Sasuke’s shoulders and gently pushed to release himself. But the other just held more tightly.

“I’m not Itachi, I’m Naruto.” He told him gently, trying to see if the paler youth would wake up enough to focus his eyes on him this time.

The hands seemed to loosen for a moment before gripping tight again and Sasuke blinked back sand from his eyes. “I’m not leaving, Sasuke. It’s okay.” He told him. Sasuke looked up.

And his eyes widened, for a moment he really did think he had seen him – dark hair, raven colored, dark eyes mirrored his own in an older face. But they were blue eyes now; just a moment ago blue looked red and golden locks looked black.

Sasuke felt the cold seeping through his skin and he fell back against the other, unable to keep looking up. He knew this person – what was wrong with him?

Naruto…

Itachi…

How could he have ever confused the sun with the night? He knew why – they both hurt so much. Why was it that they could both inflict so much damage?

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