The Traveling Pussy

Chapter 17: Iruka’s Secret Lover

I never did go back to night shift or to working on the gate. Another message came from Tsunade telling me to head back to the academy. Most of the academy teachers and staff were chuunins like myself, so it was a pretty normal assignment. After a three days there, I had figured out that a lot of my old teachers had thought I was a great natural teacher and had long wanted me to have a position there. The problem, of course, had been my messy and rather indiscrete sex life. No one had wanted me at the academy hungry and hunting for love.

It’s pretty weird to discover that a lot of people both think you have a talent for teaching and think you have the potential to be a child molester. "Ninjas mature differently from normal kids," Ibiki had pointed out, "so it isn’t like they were thinking you would rape or take advantage of innocents." I was still pretty humiliated to think that people I liked and respected like Iruka had worried about me sexually harassing students. My two months of abstinence from sex and my new boyfriend had done wonders for my reputation. Suddenly, I was semi-respectable and to be allowed near young, impressionable youths.

I was supposed to shadow Iruka at his job for a week or so before working as a general substitute and assistant for the rest of the semester. If my work and reputation was acceptable at the end of the school year, I might be assigned some classes for the next year. Iruka, however, didn’t seem to take his role as my mentor seriously. He left me alone with his students, turned over a ton of paperwork to me, and generally seemed completely unsuspicious of me. Not that I was doing anything wrong, but frankly, I just don’t trust people the way Iruka does. I kept trying to find hidden recorders and cameras, checking for illusion and replication jutsus, but I never discovered any. Whether it was because I wasn’t skilled enough to figure out if I was being monitored or watched or whether the academy was just generally trusting of me, I don’t know.

Back at his place, Ibiki and I talked a lot about the academy. We both thought that Konoha’s biggest failures in the ninja world—Itachi, Orochimaru, and now possibly, the youngest Utchia as well, Sasuke—might have been prevented with some early intervention. Might have been—no one, of course, could know for sure. Konoha’s powerful clans, however, didn’t allow for the village to interfere in family life, so Ibiki and I weren’t even sure what sort of intervention could even been attempted if a problem was identified.

I had a secret task from Ibiki—I was to start files on all the students I came in contact with and try to predict their futures and to evaluate their potential. Of course the academy and the village were already doing the same thing, but Ibiki wanted to see if I came up with different conclusions or data. He would read my files and reports and give me feedback on them. I was addicted to his little evaluations—pleasing Ibiki gave me a rush like nothing else.

I was still living in Ibiki’s apartment. We shared breakfast together everyday and, on most days, managed to have dinner together too. We hadn’t really talked about whether I was going to get another apartment or not. On Friday, we arranged to have lunch together to celebrate my surviving one week at the academy. I suppose that sounds silly, but basically we were looking for any excuse to spend more time together. Ibiki was going to stop by the academy at 12, bringing lunch over to eat with me since I was only going to have a little under an hour break between classes. Technically I had an hour, but a teacher can never count on leaving a classroom of students in a timely fashion.

Around 11:30, Iruka turned his class over to me. Actually the students were taking a quiz, and he and I went and whispered in the doorway for a few minutes. Iruka told me he was going to take the rest of the day off, so I’d have to cover his afternoon classes by myself. I’d told him this morning Ibiki and I were meeting for lunch, and he seemed a bit anxious about whether I’d come back from lunch or not.

“Dammit, Iruka,” I whispered fiercely to him, pulling him out into the hallway, “I’m going to lunch, not for a nooner, so just chill out. Do you think Ibiki is going to let me fuck up this job? I’m getting fucking grilled on everything I do here at work by THE fucking best interrogation expert there is—your precious students are going to be fine.”

Iruka looked a little upset at my foul language, but he didn’t say anything about it. He just wished me a good weekend and said he’d see me on Monday. I grinned as I walked back into the classroom. Iruka was taking advantage of having me as an assistant to goof off. He could hardly bust me for bad language when he was blowing off his classes for what was probably an early start to the weekend.

It occurred to me that I didn’t know what Iruka did for fun or whom he hung around with. Bizarrely, I’d never once considered Iruka as a potential lover. I’d assumed he was gay, but it was sort of weird that I didn’t really know if he was or not. I probably knew more about the sex lives of most of Konoha than about anybody here at the academy, but I’d never bothered to research Iruka. Although some students feared Iruka, I never had. He seemed like such a sweetie to me, and his yelling was part of how much he cared about his students. I liked him, and he wasn’t scary, so that pretty much meant we would be horrible in bed together. And of course, he was probably gay. After all, he was cute, yet he didn’t date women. He might say he just hung around with friends, but come on, he had to be getting some from somewhere. Hot, healthy normal guys like Iruka had to be putting those hormones to some use. I decided his lover was probably a guy in the closet who didn’t want anyone to know he was gay. Or maybe Iruka had a lover that was married or bisexual.

I turned the problem over in my head until the last quiz was in my hands. It was 12:10, and the three students lingering over their quiz papers suddenly all turned them in. I wasn’t surprised to turn and find Ibiki in the doorway. I waited until the last student was gone before stealing a little kiss.

“So how much time do we have?” asked Ibiki.

“I got to cover for Iruka starting at 1 p.m., so I don’t think we even have time to walk to the park like we planned,” I said. “Shall we just eat in the faculty lounge?”

“Sure,” said Ibiki.

“I need to run to the ladies’ room first,” I said, “Do you know where the lounge is?”

Ibiki looked at me like I was a moron, and I blushed. “Sorry, of course you do. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

It occurred to me as I headed for the female faculty bathroom that I could save about two minutes by just using the male faculty bathroom. I looked around and seeing no one, stepped in the bathroom. It took me a minute to find the light switch. I quickly did my business and headed to the sink to wash my hands. It wasn’t until I was in front of the mirror at the sink that I realized that I wasn’t alone in the bathroom. I couldn’t believe it. I had been suspicious of everything; then Ibiki came to see me, and I didn’t even notice excessive chakra and the incredibly poor quality of the jutsu used to conceal two sets of male clothing lying on the floor. I probably wouldn’t have even noticed them, but the faucet was a bright polished silver and reflected the tell-tale sign of a rather poor concealment jutsu being used to hide two ninjas using their chakra to lay on the ceiling.

“I am going to regret this most likely,” I said aloud as I turned my head up to look at the ceiling the way a chuunin should. I was easily able to dispel the minor illusion jutsu. The sight of a naked (although masked) Hatake Kakashi behind and inside a very aroused and naked Umino Iruka was not something I could easily dispel from my mind. I was sort of bummed Kakashi was behind Iruka because I had a feeling a naked Kakashi would be worth seeing completely. What I could see looked good. Iruka looked good. Why are gay guys so hot? It’s so annoying. I was just standing there with my mouth open when the door was broken open.

I gave a little shriek, horrified, to see a very enraged Ibiki. He stepped in the bathroom and closed the door as well as he could with it now not having a door handle. Oh my god, this wasn’t good. Ibiki had Kakashi and Iruka wrapped in some sort of chakra net. Since both of their weapons pouches were on the floor while they were on the ceiling, they were at a disadvantage. He pulled the two of them off the ceiling and said coldly, “You have two minutes to dress yourselves before I haul the three of you off for some serious questioning. You,” he said pointing to me, “will go inform whoever needs to be informed that you will not be teaching the dead dolphin’s classes this afternoon.” I assumed Iruka was the dead dolphin and bolted around Ibiki and out the damaged door to find the principal and explain.

“Well, so much for my teaching career!” I was thinking as I went to make some incredibly lame excuses. Fortunately my terror really did make me look quite ill. At any rate, I was told it was fine for me to leave right now.

As I slowly walked back towards the men’s room, my mind was going crazy. How was I supposed to explain why I had gone to the men’s room, not the ladies’ room? How was I, Miss Suspicion, so dumb as to enter an occupied men’s room? Ok, and the one I really had no excuse for, why did I feel the need to stay and stare for so long after I figured it out? It occurred to me that I had taken a pee in front of Iruka and Kakashi. Oh, god, that probably would look bad on Iruka’s report on me. I was pretty sure teacher's assistants weren't supposed to pee in front of their mentors.

To my horror, Shino was waiting for me when I got back to the men’s room. “Fuck,” I said, not caring who heard.

“Yea, but not you,” said Shino.

“Oh good, will you testify to that?” I asked.

Shino just laughed. I hate it when Shino laughs—it’s positively creepy. “Come on, you get to see the serious interrogation room, today,” said Shino taking my arm.

“You know I liked you a lot better when I thought you wanted to kill me,” I said crossly as we transported to the interrogation room.