Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: April 14th 2006, Friday
second version: August 8th 2008, Friday

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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17: Corridors

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Sasuke couldn’t remember ever having worn a raincoat since he moved in with Kakashi. There was a bus stop with roof right outside the apartment and the bus that passed there took you to a station that could take you anywhere; school, friends, downtown, shrink. The door to Shikamaru’s place was less than a minute from the door to Sasuke’s place if you ran. No matter where you wanted to go you only had to spend seconds in the rain; no need for cover.

So Sasuke was surprised and frowned when Kakashi threw a black, thin rustling jacket on him and said it was a raincoat.

“It’s raining!” the man said and flailed with his arms. “You’ve just been sick! I would be a very bad parent if I let you walk all the way to school in this weather without rain clothes.”

“Foster parent, and hardly even that,” Sasuke muttered. “Where did you get this?”

He unfolded the rustling piece of rain wear and held it up. It wasn’t too bad. The same colors Sasuke always wore and long, would probably reach his knees. With the hood it looked like bad movie serial killer clothing.

“I bought it,” Kakashi said and sniffed. “Years ago. Don’t you remember? You never used it so it’s been hanging in our closet.”

Now that he mentioned it, Sasuke did have a faint memory of seeing the black coat before. Imagine that. Though it must have been huge on him years ago, it was big now.

“Thanks,” Sasuke said and folded it up again. He hoped it wouldn’t show how relieved he was.

“No problem,” Kakashi said, smiling. “But if you’re walking you have to hurry or you’ll be late.”

“I’m hurrying,” Sasuke muttered and left for the bathroom.

Since he started going to work again last week, Kakashi’s mood had changed. He had been much more cheerful and showed more of his frustrating sense of humor, like what he’d done to Naruto earlier this morning on the phone. That phone call was a perfect example of what Kakashi had been doing the past half week.

While it was annoying to have the man skipping around and chirping unnecessary things, it did help get Sasuke’s mind off his conflicting emotions towards Naruto. Just like he had done this morning, the irritating humor had given Sasuke something to focus on and made it easier to forget that talking to the blond retard did something to Sasuke’s nerves.

Sasuke knew the mood Kakashi was in, he’d seen it before. It was the ‘I finally got dumped by that girlfriend/boyfriend of mine and I’m so happy to be single again’ mood. Sasuke was not really surprised, assumed his little talk with Iruka had opened the “house wife’s” eyes a little and ruined Kakashi’s plans for him. Kakashi had been dumped and now he was pretending to be cheerful and relieved when he was frustrated.

When there had been an actual relationship that ended in the past, Kakashi had usually been genuinely cheerful and relieved. He didn’t like staying with one person too long. But if the relationship hadn’t lasted long enough for things to move into the bedroom (it was rare, but it happened), Kakashi would pace around the apartment, whining and moaning, before running to the nearest club and not coming back until the next day, all better. Sasuke was determined to never become that pathetic and needy.

He wasn’t sure why that hadn’t happened here yet. Surely there was some kind of club-like building here that Kakashi could run off to. Where did you go if you needed to get laid in small perfect towns? He had to be frustrated; there was no way he could have gotten as far as he had wanted with Iruka yet. He was frustrated; Sasuke could feel it in the air around him. Still Kakashi pretended to be cheerful.

Another strange thing about this faked ‘yay, I got dumped!’ mood was that Kakashi wasn’t angry at Sasuke at all. He hadn’t mentioned anything about Sasuke doing something to mess things up. Usually when flirts dumped Kakashi before sex, he always suspected that Sasuke was involved and wondered what he had done, even when it was absurd to assume Sasuke had done something. Sure, a few times Sasuke had been sabotaging, but not every time.

This time Sasuke had had the perfect opportunity in the sleepover, the perfect motive in the sleepover, but Kakashi hadn’t said a thing. Not a word, not a suspicious look, no interrogation. Just smiles and jokes and raincoats. It was strange.

But since an annoying mood that didn’t really make sense even more effectively distracted his thoughts away from Naruto, Sasuke wasn’t complaining. He took whatever help he could get.

His stomach had swirled with nervousness when he heard Naruto tentatively speaking his name over the phone. He hadn’t heard the blond’s voice for over a week, not counting muffled sounds of the conversation with Kakashi at the door on Wednesday. It had sounded much softer and less loud than Sasuke had remembered. Maybe because there had been a phone between them; maybe... No. He didn’t want to think about it.

Sasuke got ready fast and left the house earlier than usual, grumbling at Kakashi’s cheerful ‘bye! Be good!’ The man didn’t have to leave for work for a long time yet and took his time with breakfast.

There was no one waiting at the bus stop when Sasuke passed it; no smitten girls glancing shyly or not so shyly at him; no pair of blue eyes stalking him. The whole street was pretty empty actually. Men on their way to work only running fast from front door to car, if they didn’t have a garage.

The rain beat on his back like a hard shower, a murmuring rumble of thunder could be heard from far away, too far away to see the flashes of lightning. Sasuke had a vague memory of it being closer earlier that morning, the sound having crawled its way into his dreams.

While the raincoat protected him from the assaulting rain from above and two plastic bags protected his bag with schoolbooks, his sneakers were no match for the streets that had turned into one pouring river and his feet were soon sloshing wet. Sasuke was sure that Iruka would make Naruto wear rubber boots or something, dry feet surely being more important than dignity to the man; but Kakashi had forgotten or not thought about that being a threat to Sasuke’s health. Fortunately, because neither Sasuke nor Kakashi had any rubber boots and the only way to keep his feet dry would have been to make him take the bus.

Sasuke did not want to take the bus.

He had planned to start walking to school. Walking was good. He didn’t get to walk nearly as much here as he had walked in the city. With no downtown to walk around in and no friends to share it with, and hating the place in general, staying inside was an obvious choice. But Sasuke didn’t like just sitting in his room all day long, it made him restless, and he had felt it even more when he was sick.

Walking to school was a great idea. It wasn’t unnecessary walking just for the sake of it, it was a good, long walk and regular, regular was always good, and as a bonus, he wouldn’t have to be bothered by Naruto every day on the bus. Lovely.

When Sasuke had woken up that morning, heard the heavy rain and realized he would not be able to walk, he had been disappointed. That was understandable. It was always frustrating when you had decided to start doing something and the first day you were thwarted by the weather.

The nervousness had been less understandable; that the nervousness had taken up a way bigger part of the emotional reaction even more so. He had thought about the bus and his stomach had swirled with anxiety. The tension had only increased when Naruto had called and talked about Sasuke going to school and being on the bus and having to watch out for shopping old ladies.

Sasuke had been too relieved when Kakashi tossed him the raincoat and offered him an option. He didn’t think that one sleepover weekend and a sick week could make such a difference.

But it wasn’t anything Sasuke could see or point out. He couldn’t even feel it, what was different; he could only feel the effects. He could feel the irrational swirling nervousness. Sasuke hadn’t been nervous about seeing or hearing or being near the blond neighbor retard before.

Maybe it was the kisses.

When puking or headache or sleep or Kakashi’s antics didn’t stop them, the thoughts and memories still kept charging Sasuke’s mind, even though over a week had passed since that sleepover and those kisses.

The softness and wetness and pure fervor of that mouth on and in his. The weight of him, his hands in Sasuke’s hair and his smell. Things Sasuke didn’t remember noticing when those kisses took place, but now the memories of them were so clear and so obstinate. Like the kisses themselves. Like the blond himself.

Sasuke couldn’t remember a time when kisses had stayed so long in his memory and haunted him so fanatically. His body felt fine and his head too, but there was something in there that was off and it just wouldn’t go away. Sasuke felt invaded and messed up and... and then Shikamaru’s voice started popping up in his head whispering about budding love lives and secret crushes and Sasuke just wanted to scream. And mentally he did. ‘I don’t like him!’ Because of course he didn’t.

When the Shikamaru voice whispered about it being okay to like this place and things here, Sasuke mentally crossed his arms over his chest and snorted. It wasn’t like that. Well... it was, but it wasn’t.

What was there to like about him anyway? Naruto was loud, annoying and impossible to get rid of. He had no experience and was so bad at kissing he had to use enthusiasm to make up for it. Plus he jumped people in their sleep. Yeah, a real gem. And what did Shikamaru know? He hadn’t even met the guy. He could go after the blond if he was so damned interested, Sasuke wasn’t.

He realized he hadn’t seen Naruto since that time through the window when he had been walking with, apparently, Gaara of the Sand; when Shikamaru had been there.

Sasuke still couldn’t believe that the weird redhead was the former assassin of the Sand, but there was no reason for Shikamaru to lie about it. He had seemed shaken, an odd look on him, and had warned Sasuke before he left, asked him to be careful.

It had seemed unreal, unreasonable. Sasuke had seen the weird redhead practically every day in school. He was just a weird redhead.

Sasuke wondered if Naruto knew who the guy he was walking down the street with was, but didn’t think so. Somehow anything connected to the factions seemed impossible to combine with Naruto. He couldn’t know, it would mess up the world. Naruto was here, the factions were in the city.

Sasuke didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think at all. He just wanted to be very grateful he was walking and not sitting on the bus, despite sloshing wet feet.

As if on cue, the bus passed. Sasuke made sure he was watching the water flowing over the asphalt. He could feel Naruto’s eyes on him.

“What are you doing, you idiot bastard!?” the blond screamed from the opened glass door leading into the corridors of school. “You can’t walk to school! It’s raining! You’ve been sick!”

Sasuke almost stumbled as he remembered Kakashi earlier, but managed to avoid it; grumbled under his breath and kept walking. He had reached school right on time. Students were hurrying around him, class starting within seconds. They pressed passed Naruto who partially blocked their path but he stood firm. He was pushed into the building but came back out again. Loud, annoying, impossible to get rid of.

The nervousness faded now that Naruto was here. He was the same as always, no surprises. No trace of the weight of him, the urgency of him. Sasuke was relieved. His sick brain must have distorted the memories and made the events seem more appealing than they had been, because it was sick and sick brains did sick things. Confusion, exhaustion and stupid Shikamaru had done the rest, blowing a sick brain’s prank completely out of proportion.

“You said you’d be on the bus!” Naruto half-scolded, half-whined as Sasuke reached the door and pressed inside.

“No, I didn’t,” Sasuke said. He walked down the corridor, people dodging him, Naruto pretending he was his tail.

“You...! You made me believe you’d be on it!”

“I said I didn’t like you,” Sasuke clarified.

“S-so?” Naruto shrugged unconvincingly. “That... That's not the point anyway! You shouldn’t be walking to school when you’ve been sick. Your feet are all wet!”

“I don’t need your permission to walk anywhere,” Sasuke snarled.

“I’m pretty sure you do,” a new voice said close to Sasuke’s ear.

Sasuke flinched, spun around and found himself face to face with Gaara, apparently of the Sand. The redhead wore a soft smile but it was hard to decide if it lived in his lips, eyes or somewhere else. For a moment Sasuke’s heart beat faster as he remembered the stories and Shikamaru’s warning, then the redhead opened his mouth again.

“If you want to, say, walk into his room or his bed, I’d say you need his permission.”

“Gaara!” Naruto yelled, sounded appalled.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and tried to use anger to cover up the swirls in his stomach at the thought of being in Naruto’s bed. Stupid sick brain putting weird and unreasonable things in his stomach. And what the hell had the retard told Gaara?

“No?” Gaara’s smile grew around his lips. The world of rushing and chatting students and class within seconds blurred; as if they were standing in a bubble of stillness and the illusion of silence.

“Go away!” Naruto almost whined.

“Fuck you,” Sasuke growled, not caring about what Shikamaru had said or that for a second he and Naruto felt like a team.

Gaara looked even more amused. Then the bubble burst as their biology teacher walked into it, no respect for tension, and the world started moving again.

“Sasuke-kun, language. Naruto-kun, no bullying. Gaara-kun, class is starting, come on.”

“I’m not bullying him!”

“Good!” biology teacher said. “As a reward you’ll do today’s assignment together.”

“What?” Sasuke snarled.

“See you guys after lunch!” biology teacher pretended not to hear, ushering Gaara towards his classroom.

Naruto looked smug; annoyed but pleased. Sasuke snarled and pushed past him toward their classroom. Annoying blond.

First class on Monday for them was history, Sasuke remembered the reception woman on his first day here, three weeks ago. ‘Good to have it out of the way,’ she had said. Sasuke wished first class had been biology.

Some fifteen minutes before second class, geography, ended Sasuke pretended to go to the bathroom but instead snuck out to his spot behind school for a smoke. He was in desperate need, that was one reason; the morning had been frustrating. Another was if he waited until break time Naruto would surely be all over him with his nagging about the rain. Now, Sasuke didn’t care about what Naruto said, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t annoying. The third reason was slightly weird. Sasuke wanted a rest from the blond’s constant staring.

He didn’t know if you should feel when someone was watching you. Sasuke had heard of that sort of sixth sense that could come with experience or as innate ability or something like that, and let you sense someone’s presence or dodge things without seeing them or fight with your eyes closed.

But that couldn’t be this. That couldn’t be limited to just one person, how impractical would that be? And this was just Naruto. It was not like when Sasuke walked down the street, passed a couple of girls that looked at him with those eyes and just knew that they would be following him with their gaze until he turned a corner. In those cases he knew because he knew, not because he could feel it. This Sasuke could feel.

When the bus had passed him on the road, Sasuke had felt Naruto watching him. In both history and geography, Sasuke’s back to the blond the entire time, he had felt the blue eyes on him.

Sasuke wasn’t nervous anymore. Earlier this morning, before he came to school and the world went back to being normal, the thought of Naruto watching him would have made his stomach swirl; when the bus had passed on the road, it had swirled. Now it didn’t, fortunately for Sasuke’s sanity, but he could still feel when Naruto’s eyes aimed for him and it was disturbing.

Or at least he thought he could feel it. Maybe he was just crazy. It sounded crazy. And he didn’t really know that he knew, did he? He hadn’t actually seen Naruto watching him; that was the whole point. It could be just in his head. Sasuke didn’t know which was worse, actually sensing the overly blue eyes or imagining them, but either way it was worth missing fifteen minutes of geography to escape.

Sasuke stood pressed against the wall, just barely escaping the curtain of raindrops falling from the roof. Fortunately the wind was on his side and blew the rest of the rain away from him; it didn’t fall as heavily as it had before either. Sasuke hoped it would go away soon and take Naruto’s nagging with it. The stubborn idiot would probably come up with some other reason why Sasuke should take the bus home instead of walking, but Sasuke doubted it’d be something good. Not that his ‘recently sick + walk in the rain bad’ reason was that good, but it wasn’t entirely off either. Sasuke’s feet were still wet and cold.

The sound of steps coming closer to his hiding place drew Sasuke from his thoughts, but he quickly realized it was not Naruto. He wondered when the hell he had learned to recognize the sound of the retard’s footsteps, but didn’t have much time for it.

A girl came around the corner, hands covering her head and moving close to the wall to escape the rain and Sasuke frowned. He couldn’t see her face at first, but it was hard to mistake her for anyone else. Her hair was an unusual shade of soft red that looked more like pink. When he had first seen her Sasuke had been dead-sure the color was artificial, but now he wondered. With her head cast down to shield her face from the rain, he would have clearly seen a growth of her own color; unless she colored it very regularly and who did that? The hair was only slightly darker where it had met the rain. She didn’t seem like the type to choose pink for her hair anyway.

Her face lifted and she stopped instantly when she saw him, looking equally thrilled and terrified. For a moment it seemed like the rain had ceased to exist to her and she just stared in that petrified amazement. Then she caught herself and flinched back, as if on reflex. Looked only terrified.

“I... I’m sorry,” Sakura stammered. “I didn’t mean to... disturb you, I just...”

Since his first day when she had been his personal guide book, Sasuke had learned that Sakura was on the girls’ boxing team and good enough to be captain. He never could have guessed.

“What?” he said; though he was fairly sure he knew what she wanted. Her crush was obvious. Sasuke had missed that; obvious was so much easier to deal with. He kicked the part of his brain that tried to remind him that Naruto's crush hadn't been the subtlest thing in the world either.

She swallowed. Her eyes closed for a moment, as if she tried to find strength within.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” she said and her voice was slightly more stable, her eyes had opened again. “I mean... You’ve been away for a whole week and...”

“I’m fine,” Sasuke drew more smoke from his cigarette, turned away from the girl and hoped she would take the hint. An old woman in bright purple rain clothes walked on the sidewalk a distance away, beyond the lawn with the tables and benches where Sasuke used to stay for lunch and the poor, practically see-through hedge that marked the end of school grounds. She walked strangely fast for an old woman.

“That’s good,” Sakura said and it sounded like a tentative smile had wandered to her lips. “I was... We were worried that maybe Naruto had... I mean, that you were sick of him and didn’t want to come anymore.”

Sasuke glanced back at her and saw her shrug. Her eyes seemed focused on the pools of water that had formed in the grass where the drops from the roof hit ground. She had burrowed the toe of one of her shoes into the ground and was swinging the heel back and forth. She was nervous. She kept talking.

“I’m sorry that he was picked to give you your homework. He was really stubborn about it, and the teachers liked it because they thought he was trying to make up. I’ve tried to tell him to leave you alone, but he just doesn’t listen. He can be so pigheaded and frustrating.”

Sasuke looked back out toward the rain and sighed, though he doubted she’d hear it over the pattering drops. He knew what she was doing. It was the ‘I’ll be sympathetic and on your side so that maybe you’ll date me’ method and he’d been on the receiving end of it many times before. Here too; apparently many girls thought that Naruto was the most annoying thing since bad hair days and they were so happy that Sasuke had beaten him up. ‘I swear, everyone wants to do it.’

“I know that he’s adopted and didn’t have a perfect childhood, but that shouldn’t mean he’s allowed to do whatever he wants.”

No one had said that about the blond yet though.

Sasuke felt a stab and was overcome by a feeling that was hard to place. It was some mix between hurt, anger, remembrance and... a sudden violent protective urge toward a guy that was supposed to be just an annoying retard.

“Could you shut up and go away?” Sasuke’s voice was hard and fierce as he turned to her.

Sakura flinched and snapped her eyes up, paled and went rigid. Deep down, somewhere, he felt sorry for the girl; he knew that she probably hadn’t meant too much with her comment, had never seemed to be cruel. He also knew how frightening his eyes could be when he wanted them to. Opponents had backed out of fights having seen his eyes, and she was in love. Did she even know about Sasuke’s family situation and how easily her comment could have been about him? But the bigger parts of him didn’t care.

He saw her mouth, her vocal cords, her brain, her entire being frantically working on saying something, anything, but it looked like she had forgotten how. She had forgotten how to move as well.

Sasuke tossed the remains of his cigarette to the ground and crushed it below his shoes, as he decided he didn’t want to wait for whatever she would come up with and turned to walk back. Sakura had gathered herself enough to step out of the way, straight out into the rain.

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