A Virgin Kiss

Chapter 18: The Liasions

Gaara tried not to fidget. He wasn’t the fidgeting type, so it was weird that he had this desire to keep tapping his fingers on his leg. Temari and Tsunade were deep into a discussion of pedagogy and academic record-keeping that was incredibly boring. But it was becoming clear that Tsunade really did want Temari as the Sand’s liaison to Leaf. `Shit,' thought Gaara, `this could go on all day—a day I could be spending with Neji before, well, before he finds out that I highjacked his life.'

Highjacked. Not a pretty word, nor a pretty thing. And Neji had never had much choice in his life. That curse seal of his had kept him doing what his family had wanted. Fortunately they would see this as prestigious and a sign of their glory--the appointment, that is, not being Gaara's lover. `My lover,' thought Gaara, a little shocked as he thought about all he'd heard and knew of the Hyuuga clan. It suddenly seemed amazing that any of them would be gay, and if gay, give someone with Gaara's history the time of day, let alone their body, or even more shocking, their heart.

Doubt began to seep into Gaara's mind, and he started to question himself: `Oh god, will Neji be mad and not want to come to Suna? He said he loved me, but people lie. It’s different when you actually expect them to make a sacrifice. Not everyone is like Naruto or Lee. Lee!'

Gaara's mind seized on Lee in relief. Lee was a rock; his name was perfect for his spirit, for his attitude was as unchanging as stone. Why hadn't he fallen for Lee, so open, so honest? But Lee, oh, he could love something unlovable. He loved squirrels! And he'd fallen for Sakura instantly. That was what he liked, not redheaded boys. And--an image of Neji filled Gaara's mind, derailing all his thoughts. Oh, god, his White Eyes was so beautiful! That long, long silky hair, oh how it felt on his bare skin! Those amazing, wondrous eyes, and--dear god, dear god, how he looked when he came!

"Gaara," said Temari sharply,"What were you saying last night about senbon training?"

Gaara blinked, then said, "Senbons are cheaper than kunai and in many cases as effective. Moreover, they reflect less light. I want senbon training doubled."

Tsunade nodded, and soon she and Temari picked up their conversation again.

Gaara let his thoughts drift away again. Lee was going to be back today, and he’d expect Gaara to follow him around like he usually did. He’d want to drag Gaara to the hospital and to do some training—and Gaara really didn’t want to follow Lee around today. He liked Lee, but Lee was—well, Lee was the kind of guy who wore a green spandex jumpsuit and spoke like some corny giftcard. He was powerful, a formidable fighter, but he wasn’t sexy. He had awful hair.

Gaara frowned; judging people on their appearance was stupid. He hated people that judged him on his appearance. But when he saw Neji, he saw the kind of guy who had never had to worry about being called ugly, being called dumb, being left out. Neji was sexy. Neji was cool. Neji could pick his lovers. And he had picked Gaara.

Neji, much like Gaara and very much unlike Lee, didn’t seem to need anyone or any soft feelings like love. But Gaara knew that was a lie—a lie for both of them. Neji hid the curse mark on his head, feeling it made him inferior. He acted like he liked being aloof and alone because he was proud. But that heaviness in his spirit, in his face, only seemed to vanish when he laughed or when he was kissing. At any other time that pride—and the crushing blow to his pride of the curse mark--pricked at him. Damn, Neji was proud.

And vain--Gaara felt a stab of guilt at the way Neji had looked this morning. Neji liked his hair perfect, and his clothes white and spotless. Would Neji be angry at all those hickeys on his skin? Gaara hadn’t really meant to mark Neji up like that.

In his mind he defended himself: `But, but, he said he loved me! I love him! Surely he won’t be mad because of a few—ok, maybe two or three dozen—hickeys? But he was pretty anti-uke until I—oh god, I raped him—dammit, how the hell did I fall asleep? He looked like a very well-used uke this morning—damn, he was a very well-used uke! And a guy who likes being seme might just not like looking like he'd been banged and bitten all night.'

Yeah, Neji's pride might not like that, and he might not want to go to a town where he wouldn’t be in a position of power. For all Neji hating the main branch of his family, he sure had a ton of pride in his family’s blood-inheritance limit. Oh, god, maybe asking for Neji would mean losing his love, and no, no, that was worse than not seeing Neji for months on end. Neji! My love!

“Do you agree, Gaara? Gaara, we would really like your opinion now,” said Temari.

Oh shit! Gaara turned to look at Temari trying to read if she wanted him to say yes or no. He tapped his right index finger on the top of his hand, a sign that he needed information. Temari scratched her right ear—that meant go or yes.

“Yes,” said Gaara.

“Excellent! It will be wonderful having Temari here as the official liaison for Sand! This is real progress, to have at least committed to one position. But I do see how not sending someone closely linked to me, the Hokage, or a major clan, might make it seem as if Leaf is not acknowledging the honor of the Kazekage’s sister personally taking on the job for Sand. Yes, I agree, Genma might not be the best.”

“Shizune acts in role very similar to the role my sister plays in Suna,” said Gaara. “We could benefit from her medical knowledge.”

Tsunade frowned. Gaara felt nervous—what if the Fifth let Shizune go? There was no way to turn down Shizune at all—he would be screwed. But then there would be no coersion with Neji—if he came to Suna, it would be of his own free will. The thought of Neji willingly coming to Suna made Gaara smile—that, that would be proof of being loved.

“I don’t think I can spare her, unfortunately,” said Tsunade slowly. “Of course you also have Kankurou who shares a similar role.”

“Yes,” said both Gaara and Temari.

Then Tsunade smiled, “I heard you went out to dinner with a few jounins last night, all of good families. Of course we have already ruled out Kakashi, and Asuma and Kurenai are both acting sensei and really can’t have their teams broken up given the delicate balance of world politics right now. But Hyuuga Neji could be spared. Would he be acceptable?”

There it was. All he had to do was say yes. But Neji was so proud. Gaara finally found himself saying the truth, “He may not want to accept the position.” He stopped, hoping that would be enough.

One of Tsunade’s eyebrows rose, “Are you suggesting that a Konoha jounin would refuse an order from me? Do you think Leaf has such weak jounins?”

“No,” said Gaara.

“So is Hyuuga acceptable?” asked Tsunade again looking very annoyed. “Do you doubt his ability?”

“No, I don’t doubt his ability. Having him in Suna would make me very happy—“

“Then it is agreed! Record it so!” And the flurry of legal scrolls made Gaara realize that it was too late to add any “buts” or try to negotiate an option for Neji to refuse. He suddenly felt very cold, very alone. It was his thumbprint, his name on the treaties, not Temari’s. He had gotten what he wanted—the man he loved in Suna. But would Neji still love him when he found out about the appointment?