Breaking Apart

Breaking Apart

Warnings: DARK, TWISTED FIC. RAPE. Yaoi. I am writing this a stress reliever. It is twisted and MORBID with DISTURBING IMAGES.

More Warnings: This chapter is largely unbeta’d. My beta, Sancta, saw an earlier version of this. But a great deal has been revised. So, please, read at the risk of being irritated by typos.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. I am writing this for entertainment.

A/N: It has been a while since I have updated this story. So please let me make a suggestion. I suggest reading the first chapter and the last three or four chapters before reading this one in order to remember what is going on in the story to this point. This chapter explains a lot of things that have been gone unexplained until right now. So, let me warn you, if you have forgotten the details of the story (and you probably have given how long it has taken me to update…sorry…), then this chapter may seem out of place. I don’t believe it is, but I guess, y’all are the real judges anyway. Please, review and let me know what you think, yes?


‘Sasuke’s thoughts’
“Talking”

Chapter 18: Trading Places

'I've learned to feign sleep over the years.'

It was a skill that Orochimaru forced me to learn when I first entered Sound. Orochimaru always believed that growing ninja needed their sleep. If I was too tired to practice, then he would cancel training for the day. But if I was too bleeding, broken and falling apart, I still had to practice. Pain makes you strong, Orochimaru would say. ‘Fucking bastard.’

I recall several times, when I was too hurt to train, I would pretend to sleep-in. The first couple of times Orochimaru could tell I was faking and he would drag me to training by my hair. Work on those days would be doubly hard. He was disappointed that I had failed at the lie effectively and he would beat his disappoint into me with extra training. I would sleep so hard the next day, my failure to get up would not be a lie. I was always too tired to move at all, even to open my eyes.

I hated him on those days, but the truth was I hated myself more. Uchiha's didn't let other people see them fail.

So I learned. I learned very quickly to convincingly feign sleep to escape one of Orochimaru's many tortures. It was a valuable lesson. So it wasn't hard to fool Naruto into believing I was asleep.

I wait. Tracking his movements. Sensing him moving around the room setting privacy jutsus. Hearing him begin to draw a bath, all the while humming to himself- enjoying his plans. I wait. Confused. Curious. Waiting.

'What are your plans, Naruto?' I ask myself speculatively, 'Why do you even have plans at all?' The Naruto I left here last could hardly be counted upon to think of others in any fashion. That Naruto was still too fragile. He was the epitome of a self-centered patient. Too centered upon his own recuperation to realize anyone else’s predicament.

'Hell, the Naruto I left was so self-absorbed he still hadn’t figured out that he and I lived together in the same apartment. Who the hell is this Naruto? A Naruto with fucking plans? First a war, and now this…change. What in the fuck is going on?’

I know exactly what Naruto meant when he said that he would be "all I need tonight." He has to know that I won't let him to leave me. He wears my mark on his soul. I thought we had this ‘conversation’ before I left. ‘Leave it up to the dobe to fail to understand the message I sent him in our last encounter. Which leads me to one pressing question… should I give him false hope and play along with his attempt at a “last night” or should I crush any optimism he might have about leaving me?'

I'll admit I had a moment of weakness when Naruto's eyes started pleading with me to play along. It was in those two seconds that I was lost... when have I ever not given him what he needed. ‘When have I ever not given him what he needed?’ Since we came back from the Sound Village, I have done nothing but give him what he has needed He needed a protector. I gave him that. He needed space to heal. I gave him that. He needed an asexual bed-warmer. And even though it damn near killed me, I gave him that too. I gave him everything he has ever needed. Everything. ‘And now he wants to leave me? He’s more of a fool than I ever suspected.’

When I initiated ‘us’, I gave him what he needed and what he wanted. I gave him what he needed when I made pain into pleasure so that he could remember how to experience pleasure when all he could remember of sex was the pain. I showed him that out of the worse pain arises the greatest pleasure. I'm the one who tried to teach him that. He needed it. I gave it.

I gave him what he wanted when I gave him myself. Raw. Unleashed. Uninhibited. And he used me... I let him use me... I let him use me to experience more pleasure than he's ever imagined. My body told him to forget about the past. Forget about the present. Forget about me. And remember yourself. He wanted to remember. And I gave him what he wanted. ‘And now he thinks he is going to leave me!?' I think with a calm, deadly amusement. 'I will kill him first.’

My attention is jerked back to Naruto the minute he steps back into the bedroom. I feel his eyes on me. I do not worry about my emotions spilling out. I do not worry about Naruto sensing my sharp, twisted amusement. I have honed my ability to tell lies with my body. My ability to lie is unparallel. I hate Orochimaru with a vengeance but he taught me to well.

I sense Naruto drawing closer knowing I have a decision to make. ‘Do I force a confrontation now or do I play along?’ I ignore Naruto's slight shake to my shoulder. I have not yet decided. But when I feel Naruto's breath on my ear, I have to struggle to suppress the shiver that moves down my spine. My dick begins to harden at Naruto's proximity. 'Why shouldn't I take advantage of Naruto's willingness? After 4 years, haven't I waited long enough?’

Naruto's breath in my ear turns into a whisper, "C'mon. You know you want to get up. There are candles."

At that moment, I know that my decision has been made for me. ‘Naruto is offering me himself,’ I think as the dark amusement vanishes. ‘And I'll take it. It is my turn to take what I want. And when we are done, you'll will know that you will never be able to leave me.’

"There's a bath," Naruto continues with a whisper unaware of my decision making process.

I roll over slightly so that my lips are almost touching Naruto's. Slightly deepening my voice to feign sleepiness, I ask, "A bath?"

Feeling and hearing Naruto's small intake of breath almost makes me smirk. ‘He will always want me,’ I think smugly, ‘He's addicted to me and he doesn't even know it.’

"A bath," Naruto responds as huff of air that comes to rest on my lips. "A bath and candles."

I can feel the smile on his lips. Warmth spreads through my body. My erection, now full, twitches at Naruto's playfulness. ‘My Naruto wants to play, hmm? Then play we shall.’

Cool air rushes over me as Naruto pulls away to chirp, "Now I could carry you, but then you still would have to stand to take off your clothes."

'Hn, dobe," I says impassively, but I make no attempt to mask my amusement with Naruto's "plans" and my desire for him.

I move to sit up and my clothes off, but before my hands can pull off one piece of clothing Naruto stops me.

"Let me," he says as he drops to his knees in front to me.

For a moment I simply sit and revel in the attention. ‘This is the first time Naruto has had the presence of mind to attend to me without me asking or coaxing him. It feels…good. Better than good,’ I think as the warmth that started earlier begins to spread.

"Believe it or not," Naruto says in grumbling tone, "I will always think fondly of your tape."

I let a wicked smirk emerge on my face. ‘I might as well drop a hint that this thing between us will not be over tonight.’

"Don't forget. We are always willing to serve," I respond watching the flush darken his golden cheeks.

"Hmm," Naruto responds simply, "Good to know."

I watch him carefully, wondering exactly what thoughts are bringing such color to his face. Knowing by the way he is averting his eyes that he is remembering ‘us’ when I take control. The pain and pleasure. I openly leer at him. ‘Say the word, Naruto. I'll have you face down, on your knees, and tied to this bed before you know it.’

I leave the smirk on my face as I go through the motions of helping Naruto take off my clothes. My cock twitches as Naruto traces the lines of my body with his eyes. I know exactly what I look like. I bask in the warmth of Naruto's gaze. Glad my torso is wrapped in muscle. ‘No, dobe. I am not weak.’ I take pleasure in seeing how Naruto notes the shape of my legs. The dip of muscle where torso meets hip. My skin calls for him. I can tell he hears it. I watch him devour the sight of my erection thrusting up from thick black hair. ‘Maybe he thinks I am beautiful,’ I think with a snort. ‘Most people do. I hope he sees past that. Past my appearance to the real me. I am anything but beautiful.’

Tired of waiting, I whisper, "Are you going to stare all night, dobe?"

"And if I do," Naruto challenges softly, "what will you do?"

I know the answer to that question before I even open my mouth. "I'll wait. I'll wait to see what you have planned," I say seriously.

‘Tonight, we go forward according to your plan. I want to see what kind of man I returned home to; because you are not the man I left. Come on, Naruto. Show me the Hunter-nin who sacrificed himself for a promise.’ I think with anticipation, ‘That man may be my true partner.’

I watch Naruto's eyes drop again to my erection and it all becomes clear.

I know the answer to Neji's questions. Do I love Naruto? Do I hate him? The answer is simple. Yes, I hate Naruto. And, yes, I love him as well. The fact of the matter is 'no, I do not love now, nor have I ever loved, the Naruto I nursed to back to health.' I never loved the Naruto who returned from the Sound Village broken and near mad. I couldn't love him. He was a child in a man's body. He was and is no match for me. He was and is little more than a child to be protected…to be sheltered and pampered and to be watched constantly. That Naruto had no ambition. He had no drive. He had no ability to consider the feelings and needs of others. ‘How does one love such a creature? The Naruto I have known for the past 4 years was nothing but a shadow of the Naruto I knew once. The Naruto I loved.’

No, I loved the Naruto he must have been before he left for the Sound Village. The man-Naruto that sacrificed himself in the Sound. The man who built up the skill necessary to become a Hunter-nin. Fierce. Quick. Intelligent. A dobe, but a man of many faces and absolute self-control. The man that could stay in a dungeon and take all manners of torture because of his "ninja way." I have loved that man- no, that person- since I was too young to remember. I despaired of Naruto ever being that person again.

So I came to hate the child-like version of him. He was everything I hated. Weak. Pathetic. Oblivious. But I couldn't kill him because he was in the body of everything I wanted. He held the body of the person I have always loved. First as a friend and, then, as a lover. And I always held the fragile hope that the real Naruto, my Naruto, might return. I always believed that he just might return to me.

This new Naruto- the Naruto with plans, might be him. This may be the man I've been waiting for and left for dead when he never emerged. ‘I didn't even know I was waiting.’

Did I love the child-Naruto? No. I hate him. A helpless, stupid, weak creature, he was so much less than the person he was meant to be.

Do I love the mature-Naruto? ‘Yess,’ I hiss to myself, as my chest tightens at the sight of this man on his knees devouring my body with an expression of need and desire. ‘Yes, I love this Naruto. I am sure of it now.’

"And if I said, I wanted you to show some initiative?" Naruto calls softly.

‘Oh gods, yes,’ I whisper half in exhilaration and half in anticipation, ‘this is who I have been waiting for.’

I grab myself and stand, stepping towards Naruto. My legs almost turn to jelly at the hungry smile that appears on his face. Resting the head of my cock on his lips, I almost gasp at the sight he makes. Confident eyes, promises of more pleasure than I ever dreamed of expecting, but most of all it is the warmth in his eyes that draws me. The warmth sweeps over me like a breeze of passion and tenderness. I feel its softness against my skin. I feel its heat warming parts of my soul I’d forgotten existed.

When I start to feel my back weaken and my knees shake, I have to suppress a gasp. ‘I am surrendering,’ I think with surprise. ‘I never surrender.’ But I know that I am not surrendering to another will stronger than my own. If Naruto was trying to make me yield to him through the force of his will, I would never surrender. Never. I will never yield to the will of another. No, Naruto is winning me over with sheer seduction.

‘I am caught.’ I think, knowing my eyes are not hiding the new emotions coursing through me. ‘He's caught me and for once I can't bring myself to be angry over this revelation. I've been waiting for this for too long.’

His eyes never leave mine even as he starts to lick my cock. As the pleasure shoots through me, I fight the urge to close my eyes and just feel. It is almost too much. Almost too perfect. I watch him through my hair that falls almost to Naruto’s shoulders. If it had gets in the way tonight, I will cut it off tomorrow. ‘I want to watch everything he does. Commit this moment to memory. It is finally here. The moment where he and I trade places. Where he takes care of me, instead of me always taking care of him.’

Soon Naruto grows tired of his little licks. He grabs my hips and whispers, "Fuck me."

I watch as his eyes close and his mouth engulfs my dick. Something in me shatters. My head falls forward as my back finally breaks. My eyes never fall close as I watch Naruto servicing me. ‘Finally.’

Naruto sets himself to the task of sucking my cock like his mouth was made for it the task. The heat is overwhelming. The look of rapture on his face pushes me to the edge. Before I know it I am so close to finishing, I could almost be ashamed. But I'm not, not tonight. Tonight is for me.

‘So close,’ I groan in my head as I start to thrust harder into Naruto's mouth. He reacts perfectly. Sucking me deep, but loosening his mouth. I try to devour the sight of Naruto on his knees- consuming me- taking me into himself. Wanting to give me this as much as I want to take it.

I feel the slight tightening of Naruto's mouth and groan aloud at the mounting pleasure. Setting a quick rhythm, knowing I won't last long, I begin to fuck Naruto's mouth in earnest.

The look on Naruto's face brings me closer to the edge. Pleasure bordering on pain flows through me. I can't stop the audbile groans.

‘So close,’ I hiss to myself.

When Naruto starts that 'hum,' I completely forget to take care of Naruto. I use him. Like I've wanted to use him ever since I found him. I use him and forget everything but my pleasure, my desire. Forcing my hands away, Naruto starts pushing on my balls. Though my eyes stay open the whole world goes black as I cry out my orgasm. In my mind, I give Naruto my whole world in that cry. Ecstasy. Freedom. Pain. Pleasure cascades outward as I finally get the chance to break apart.

Watching my cum seep out of Naruto's mouth and the look of quiet accomplishment adorning his face, brings more warmth over my body. ‘I don't think I can remember ever feeling this warm. This close to him or anyone else.’

Naruto's eyes flash open. I watch him pull back and smile. The full smile that only Naruto can give. I don't even try to cover my shock.

‘Here's the vision.’ Naruto painted with my semen and smiling. He looks just like the vision I had when he was broken and dirty in the Sound Village. Back then when his smile was tinted with madness and despair and he was covered in the semen of those who were unworthy of him, I saw the possibilities. I caught a glimpse of what Naruto was and what he could someday be again. For a moment, while in that dirty prison cell faced with a broken Naruto, I saw a vision of his truly happy smile splattered with my cum. A smile that said Naruto is at peace with himself, with me, and with ‘us’. ‘He is just as beautiful as I imagined.’

I'd thought Naruto's experiences in the Sound Village took away the possibility of me ever seeing this. I took pleasure in ripping that village apart for taking this reality from me. And here it is- a vision born not out of madness, but out of tenderness. ‘Beautiful.’

My knees finally collapse. My world is broken. And my pride is bent as I move to worship him like I've always pretended to do in the past. Like I've always wanted to. I bathe his face with my tongue, tasting myself on him. It is everything I secretly prayed for. Breathing heavily, it feels like my heart explodes in my chest as I worship the only man I have ever found worthy of such regard. ‘Naruto,’ I breathe to myself, ‘My Naruto has finally returned.'

When I reach for Naruto's erection, to give to him what he has given me, I am surprised to see him stop my hands and say, "I can wait. The bath can't."

From my knees, I watch almost in a daze as Naruto divests himself of clothing. It is my turn to allow my eyes to run hungrily over his body. I have always been more of an exhibitionist than Naruto. I do not know how many times I have paraded around this apartment naked just so Naruto could get used to the sight of me. But it has always been a rare treat to see Naruto unclothed.

Judging by Naruto's closed eyes, he is deliberately allowing me this time. I notice for what feels like the first time how much Naruto's body has changed. ‘He looks like a ninja again,’ I think to myself with no small amount of satisfaction. ‘I helped with that.’

His pectoral muscles are thicker than mine. His stomach more heavily muscled. It is amazing to really see how different we are from one another. Where I am sleek and elegant, he is muscled and brawny. Where I am corded muscles and long lines, he is thick braided muscles and dense flesh. ‘He is beautiful. A body built to protect others. He does not have the finesse of an assassin. But he does have the brawn of an enforcer. Beautiful.’

I am startled out of my reverie by Naruto extending his hand to me. I do not hesitate to take his hand even though I don't know precisely what Naruto is asking of me with this gesture. All I know is if it is within my power to give to him, then Naruto shall have it.

The jerk of Naruto's cock brings my eyes down to his thick erection. Moist and begging for attention. "You sure,” I say as I gesture to his weeping cock, "I want to take care of that."

"You will," Naruto says in a quiet voice, “But right now, we both could use a good cleaning."

I concede with a shrug, as we move toward the shower. We take very little time showering and rinsing off. And as we turn to the bath, I wait to see what Naruto plans. When he steps into the bath first, I again realize that this is a night of trading places. I move to sit between Naruto's legs, as he has sat between mine on countless occasions.

I immediately relax into Naruto's body. ‘Hmm,’ I think as I sink into the warm water and settle my back against Naruto's chest. ‘That's right. Take care of me, Naruto. I’ve earned it.’ I bask in the realization that I am Naruto's and he is mine.

Naruto wraps his legs tightly around me like he is protecting me from my fears and any danger. A position of defense I have taken over him countless times before. I never thought, after all the nights I held him like this, that he would ever be able to return the favor. I just gave him what he needed. I always give him what he needs.

There is only one lingering thought that is marginally unpleasant. ‘Naruto still thinks he will be leaving me tomorrow. Does he think me so weak?'

"You can say it," I say in a quiet voice. I don't care. He can think me weak. I know I am not. I know I will not let him leave me. With those thoughts, I melt even further into Naruto's caresses.

"Say what," Naruto responds sounding truly perplexed.

"You can tell me how weak I am," I say in a toneless voice that belies my welcoming body.

"Weak?" Naruto asks in the quiet tones that have marked our communication all night. "You're not weak."

"I'm weak, Naruto," I say turning so that my head can rest my head on Naruto's shoulder comfortably. I clasp his legs and pull them around me more fully. "I know your terms. And still I couldn't resist this, even if it is just for one night." ‘You'd be a fool to think this is only for one night. I healed you. You are mine.'

Feeling the press of soothing lips on my neck, I relax even further. ‘How can he leave me? We fit together. We belong together.’

"Oh that," Naruto begins. "Well, I guess we are both weak then. We both can't resist the promise of one night of peace."

I fall silent as Naruto begins to sprinkle small kisses on my neck and shoulder. ‘He is still talking about one night. Hn, this night is far from over.’ I think as I completely relax against Naruto. ‘I have some surprises of my own.’

"Naruto," I call softly.

"Yes, baby."

"Keep humming," I demand with a sigh.

"Only for you, Sasuke," Naruto says with a smile I can hear, but can’t see, "Only for you."

As the warm amusement in his voice flows over me, I allow myself a small smile of contentment.

‘Yes, only for me,’ I think as I bask in the atmosphere Naruto has created. ‘This better be only for me. I am the one who healed you, after all.’

TBC


A/N: Thank you to everyone who have been reading and reviewing all along. I feel the need to apologize for this tardy update. Also, I know some of y'all are disappointed by how slow I am getting to lemons. But to be honest, this chapter is necessary. I felt it necessary to explain the change in Sasuke from last chapter before moving on. There are some rocky times ahead for Sasuke-dear as the plot kicks in. So stay tuned. I will be completing this fic.