The art of sand

Chapter18

"So you left it on purpose?" Gaara inquired.

"Yeah," Sai nodded happily.

Gaara refused to meet the boy’s gaze. He had long ago made his decision. He was being selfish about it. He was positive he could change the boy and save him from the fate Danzo was heading for. Gaara felt a tug on his hand and he released his fist. Sai intertwined their fingers. Night had set in, and Sai had gone to fetch his bag. He ended up with a date. Gaara had not eaten, and Sai offered to take him home for dinner. Nothing funny, he had promised. They entered the silent house and Sai raised a finger to his lips. He waved Gaara upstairs and went to scavenge for food. Sai was not sure if his father was home, but he was sure he did not want to find out. He carried a tray of assorted foods up the stairs in a matter of minutes. He had not been around Gaara long enough, so he grabbed a little of everything he could find. He sat the tray in front of Gaara on the floor with a smile.

"There’s always more if you decide on something you like best."

"Thank you."

Gaara blushed as he picked up a piece of fruit and nibbled on it. He felt very strange inside. He still refused to look Sai in the face. His heart would start beating wildly and whole body would get hot. On top of it all, he felt nervous and excited at the same time. It was rather uncomfortable.

"Are you in school?" Sai asked quite suddenly.

"Huh?"

"School. Do you go to one?"

"Oh. No."

Sai frowned. The other man still would not look at him, and his attempts at conversation had been shot down all night. Sai did not know what to do after having promised to be a good boy.

"So all you do is work?" he tried again.

"For now," Gaara picked up another item from the tray and tested its taste.

"Do you plan on going to school?"

"Yeah, one day, I guess. I was more concerned with getting out on my own," the red head confided.

"I wish I had that courage," Sai sighed.

"You should move out. Your father seems to have quite a hold on you."

"He saved me," a smile, but a sad voice. "But I hate him."

Gaara looked up despite his previous resolve. Sai was holding back anger. Gaara did not like his own father’s approach to keeping his secrets, but he could not honestly say he hated the man. It was clear to him that Sai had spoke nothing but truth. He was not even sure the boy knew how to lie at this point.

"I’m sorry, I don’t really understand," Gaara admitted.

"That man left my brother behind. I begged him not to, but I was the only one with the talent. And they said my brother died some time after I left. I’ll never forgive him for that."

That fake smile. Gaara was pissed now. He knocked the tray aside, scattering its contents. He had closed the distance between them on the floor. He was balanced on his knees and held tight to Sai’s shoulders.

"How can you stay here?" he exploded. "That man is using you!"

"I know."

Gaara froze in his movements. He knew? And he was still there? He released Sai and fell backwards. How could he still be in that house? Gaara’s rage rose and fell in waves. He wanted to save this person. He did not know why, either, but this person did not want to be saved. Gaara grabbed his chest as the pain overwhelmed him. That only fueled his anger further. Why did it hurt so fucking much? Watching Sai suffer silently seemed to be killing him. Gaara aimed a fist for the ground.

"How can you?" he whispered.

"I still owe him. Even though he took everything I had, he gave me a purpose. Now I have my art to take care of me. I can get through life with it."

"By painting forgeries?!"

Sai’s eyes went wide. Gaara paled. That was definitely the wrong thing to say. Too late to take it back now. Gaara prayed he would not be kicked out. He was not going to get close to the boy just to turn him in. He was not going to betray him like that. But he was not leaving, because he was going to save him. Gaara cursed himself silently. The bittersweet longing for the younger man was clouding his judgment again. Gaara sat up straight, ready to deal with Sai’s reaction.

"I know its wrong. It’s not just that I owe him, it’s also that I only just found out," Sai explained.

"How can you not realize something like that?" Gaara hissed.

"I was never taught that such things were wrong. I was merely practicing my own talents. That my father profits from it is no business of mine. I know its wrong. I don’t want to insult the artists’ work anymore. But how do you just suddenly stop doing what you’ve done for years?"

"Years?"

Gaara stayed pale. This was a lot deeper than anyone had realized. Sai smiled and held a hand out to Gaara.

"Stay tonight. I’ll tell you everything."


*******
Whee~ flashback time
*******

Sai smiled happily at the painting on the easel. It was a perfect replica of the one in his book. His father was going to be so proud. Sai ran out of the studio and downstairs. Danzo was relaxing in the family room with his newspaper. He scowled when he saw his adopted son covered in paints.

"I thought I told you to not bring that mess down here."

"Come look. I got it perfect!"

Danzo raised an eyebrow. That was the first time the boy had looked at him with something other than disdain. He folded his newspaper and stood to follow the boy. Sai was exceptionally bright for six. He had only been living with Danzo for a year. He had been interested in the promise of great talent at the orphanage. He had almost given up on the boy and was ready to send him back. The sight when he entered the room dismissed all such prior thoughts. If he had not seen the beaming face that was his son’s, and the paint covering the boy, he would have sworn it was an original. Danzo fell to his knees and scooped the boy into his arms.

"You did me proud, son."

Sai smiled and hugged his father. He had finally gotten over the pain of separation. His brother would be fine without him. He was older and stronger. He would find a great family too. Sai thrived on the feeling of having a family. He found quickly that if he replicated what he saw in books, he would get the love he wanted. He spent months on the next one. Just days short of finishing it, he heard his father’s conversation.

"The boy died? What happened? ….. I see….. No, I’ll tell him."

Sai walked into the room cautiously. He had been warned about entering a room during a phone conversation.

"What happened, father?" he asked slowly.

"Your so-called brother has died. They said he was hit by a car while playing with the other children."


********

Gaara did not know what to say. Sai had finished his story there.

"I don’t remember much past that. I had only the art my brother had always loved. It didn’t matter to me who had it, just as longer as others were enjoying it. I only recently discovered what I was doing is considered bad. But now, how am I supposed to just stop?"

Gaara crossed the distance once more. He wrapped Sai tightly in an embrace and pressed his lips into the other’s. Sai hesitated in surprise, but kissed back, wrapping his arms slowly around Gaara. It was several minutes before they separated.

"You’re stopping now because I said so."