Pimping Out Lil' Sasuke

"Itachi", said Principle Tsunade of Konoha's one and only bFAG School, "as you may well know Konoha is trying to resume diplomatic relations to Suna ever since this unfortunate incident at the Chuunin exams."

Itachi just shrugged. He wasn't aware what all this had to with him. If it wasn't for the last part of the sentence he would assume to be sent to assassinate their obnoxious enemy. He wasn't interested in diplomatic missions.

"Now, you are certainly asking yourself what it is I want to ask of you", said the Principle. "Truth to be told, our diplomats have being experiencing some unexpected ...hmmh... understanding barriers when it came to communicating our ...hmmh... friendly demands to the Kazekage. He seems to be quite ....hmmh... eccentric and aggressive due to lack of sleep. We, that is Konoha's Eldest (not that I'm old), have had a lenghty discussion on the matter and decided that the only way to make him more inclined listening to our ambassadors is to provide him with some much-needed relaxation."

Itachi nodded solemnly. He started to understand where Tsunade came from. Sasuke's metal leash jingled softly behind him.

"I will take care of it, Principle Tsunade. As always, I'm ready to serve Konoha for the sake of the greater public good. Come, Sasuke."

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"Oh, is this pretty puppet for me? I want to play with the pretty dollie!" - Kankurou jumped up and down.

"No, idiot, that is Gaara's toy. He is the only one to play with it. But if you are nice, may be he will allow you to have it." - said his resolute sister. Inwardly she sighed. She wasn't disinclined to play with the pretty dollie herself. Especially seeing that it wore such a nice teeny-weeny red bikini that showed off it's assets.

The subject of their conversation turned around and glared with a sulky frown. Sasuke wasn't amused. Sasuke wasn't amused at all. Not only was he being dragged to one of his arch-rivals on a leash wearing only a teeny-weeny red bikini but he'd also got a sunburn on the uncovered parts of his derriere. And the damn sand crept into each crevice and cranny of his body. Besides, Itachi was being much too cheerful again. AND he wore an awfully scabrous Aloha shirt with green and yellow parrots on it. AND he had this creepy grin on. It was time to say good-buy to these lovely desert lands and to take flight.

Using a momentary distraction he yanked his leash hard and took off raising a thick cloud of dust. Or tried to take off - as fast as lightning Itachi has grabbed one of his bikini straps and spun him around right into his embrace. Then he gave him a condoning slap at his behind that was already red from the heat and the travel exertion. Sasuke bit into his shoulder in childish retaliation. Itachi just let the bikini strap snap back with painful plop. Sasuke pouted and glared some more. Itachi loved every minute of it.

They reached the palace in hushed silence. Gaara received them in the entrance hall where he silently took the leash from Itachi's hands and led Sasuke into his play room. There they played "Super Mario Brothers" until they were bored and proceeded than to play a game that is played by people all around the world and has never tired or bored anyone since the beginning of time. After five hours Itachi peeped into the room only to see the boys sleeping peacefully in a heap. A red G-thong graced Gaara's head and clashed horribly with his hair.

The next day, the peace treaty talk was resumed. The Kazekage appeared to be in an exceptionally peaceful mood and accepted the terms proposed by Konoha without any lengthy negotiation. After the treaty was sealed, he left quickly to play again with his new toy.
It was rumoured that on his way back he even patted some baby girl's head and gave her a lolly.

'Mission accomplished', thought Itachi preparing to take his precious little brother back home. He bathed him carefully and applied sun-blocker to his sun-reddened skin. Then he carved the sand of some places that the sun never shone on. Sasuke was right: the damn sand really got everywhere. After cleaning his brother despite the latter's protest (I AM NO CHILD, YOU PERVERT, I CAN WASH MYSELF. DAMN, LET ME BE) he put the leash on again and brushed his hair.

When they left Konoha, the Sand siblings were staring after the two small figures disappearing in the evening haze.
'This Gaara didn't even let me play with the pretty dollie', thought Kankurou angrily.
'I just hope Gaara doesn't know what games me and Sasuke played while he was away to negotiate this peace treaty.' thought Temari anxiously.
'Who would have thought that Temari is so kinky. I'll never look at cucumbers the same way again", thought Gaara.