The Traveling Pussy

Chapter 2: Ino’s Advice

Maybe it was force of habit, but the morning after Kiba dumped me I found myself lingering outside of the Yamanaka Flower Shop. Ino and I hated each other, and I had always wondered why I kept going back to this flower shop again and again, but what Kiba had taught me explained it all. I liked suffering, and when Ino was working in her family’s store, I was sure to suffer. I thought about what Kiba has said about finding a lover I hated and briefly considered Ino. I sure as hell hated her. She and I were just too alike—bossy, foul-mouthed, and sexually aggressive. I made a point of sleeping with her “x’s,” and she returned the favor.

But when I tried to picture Ino and myself having sex, the only thing that turned me on was the thought of having Ino kneeling under my legs, eating me out. Or maybe on her stomach, naked, getting whipped on her ass. But there was no way, I was going to be eating a boxed lunch, and I’d never let Ino dominate me in any way. And seriously, how could she? At the last chuunin exam when we’d both made chuunin, there had been a ridiculous fight between us during the second part of the exam. We’d encountered each other alone, and as usual, words were exchanged. But when I let the excuse of the chuunin exam take our quarrel to the level of violence, Ino had been pathetic. It’s hard to beat up a crying, sniveling blonde. I suppose I was lucky given the way she fought in the third part of the exam, but once you’ve had someone crying in fear—even if it’s fake fear—it’s clear they aren’t the dominating lover you’re looking for.

“Well, are you going to stink up the sidewalk outside our shop all day or are you here for flowers for Kiba?” said Ino with a scowl, standing in the doorway of the shop.

I hadn’t thought about sending Kiba flowers—usually I only sent flowers to guys that I was trying to get into my bed, back into my bed, or to keep from killing me. But, hey, Kiba had done me a big favor, so why not?

“Oh, for flowers, Ino-san,” I said as sweetly as possible.

“Well come in and get it over with; I can’t stand trash like you ruining the tone of our shop.”

As I followed Ino’s back into the store, I noticed she was wearing fishnet stockings under her short purple mini-skirt. It looked pretty hot.

“Are you checking me out?” Ino demanded incredulously in an irritated tone.

“You’re looking yummy, Miss Yamanaka,” I cooed, blowing Ino a kiss.

“Oh my god, you’re not going bi are you? What, did you finally run out of men after fucking most of Konoha’s? Who the hell are these flowers for?”

“Oh, for Kiba, to thank him for dumping me and explaining to me why I’m not fit to manage my own love life.”

“God, so now that Kiba’s finally got a clue that you’re no good, you’re trying to woo him back with flowers. You’re so pathetic.”

“I am not trying to woo him back,” I said defensively because in fact that had been my usual pattern of behavior. Like Kiba had pointed out to me, I liked emotional pain and trying to win someone you’d driven from your bed back was a sure ticket to a lot of emotional pain.

“Just place the order, bitch, and get out of here,” said Ino.

“A dozen roses,” I said recklessly. If Kiba had pegged my problem, and I was pretty sure he had, he’d just saved me from having to live out tons of unnecessary embarrassing, sordid, and emotionally gut-wrenching social interactions.

Ino’s mouth fell open in shock, and she asked in a thunderstruck voice, “What the hell did you do to Kiba to require a dozen roses? I know how you fucked over Shikamaru and Chouji, and they never got a dozen roses out of you.”

I sighed, “I deserve this. I owe a lot more guys than just Kiba a lot more than a dozen roses. But I think Kiba might have taught me how not to screw up any more relationships, so I really want to thank him. And, Ino, you know I’ll never touch or even flirt with Shikamaru or Chouji again, right?”

“Yea because I’m going to tell Shika’s mom everything if you so much as look at his butt. And if you pull any more crap with Chouji, you know that I’ll be having a long chat with Chouji’s dad.”

“Yea, I know Ino, and seriously, I’m sorry about all that. I was totally wrong for both of them.”

“What’s with you, ho-girl? You’re acting really weird today. So what’s this big thing that Kiba told you that will solve your f-ed up life?

“I’m a masochistic submissive, and I need to find someone I hate to fuck me or who can dominate me.”

Ino’s face looked shocked for a minute, and then, she slowly nodded. “Hmmm, I can see your problem. And that sort of explains that shower incident with Chouji.”

“He told you about that?” I gasped. It’s sort of embarrassing to admit that to get Chouji to sleep with me, I’d had to break into his apartment and wait in his shower. I’d had nothing on but my bra and underpants had handcuffed my hands together and hooked them over the showerhead. Knowing Chouji though, I’d also covered myself with barbeque sauce and filled my bra and panties with his favorite take out barbeque pork.

“Yea,” said Ino with a little giggle. “But you really broke his heart,” she added with an annoyed frown.

“I didn’t realize Chouji was such a sweetie, a softie, so kind-hearted. I’m really sorry about that Ino. I was expecting him to be another Akimichi Chouza.”

“Oh, come on, you just wanted him to use his Buben Baika no Jutsu to make his penis huge, admit it,” said Ino.

“It’s a damn fine technique, that Jutsu, but I was more interested in his tongue, not his cock,” I said with a grin.

“Oh, you total ho-bag! His tongue!” cried Ino. But I could tell from her face she was thinking about Chouji in a new way.

“You should get him to show you, Ino,” I said slyly, “You know he loves you.”

Ino blushed and said, “Well, we’re not talking about my love life, but yours. Why not Shino? You two certainly hate each other.”

I frowned and felt a little sick in my stomach the way I always did when thinking about Shino. “Uhh, no, not going to happen, Ino. Shino told me in graphic detail what his bugs would do to me if I ever inflict the horror of my presence on him without his invitation or permission. I get freaked every time I see a bug, now,” I said with a shudder.

“What the hell did you do to Shino?” asked Ino with curiosity.

“Let’s just say that unfortunately a few bugs died,” I said. “So who do you think I should try to get for my, uh, well Kiba says it’s called a top.”

“Hmmm,” said Ino, screwing up her face and thinking. “You’re a pretty scary bitch, girl, I don’t see most guys thinking they could top you and not regret it. Are you sure Kiba’s right? This isn’t some sick game to have an excuse to beat the shit out of some guys is it?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think so,” I replied.

“Hmm, well, you seem to hate Neji, and Neji seems to hate you. What about him?”

I scowled, “I can’t see that working. I just want to hit him all the time. The last thing I need is the Hyuuga clan mad at me.”

“Yea, but you won’t be able to hit Neji no matter how much you want to,” said Ino. “He could really put you on the bottom, in your place.”

I scowled more. “I don’t know, maybe. I was sort of thinking I’d go with Kiba’s suggestion, Morino Ibiki.”

Ino’s eyebrows went up in shock, and she jerked her head back. When I didn’t do anything to suggest I was kidding, she said in a serious tone, “Don’t mess with Ibiki. If you do that, seriously, don’t come back here. I don’t want be connected in any way. You’re not a bottom looking for a top. You’re a suicide looking for a weapon. Here,” she said, shoving a blank gift card at me, “Fill this out and get out of here.”

I looked at her for a while, but she didn’t meet my eyes, and she seemed genuinely spooked. I picked up the pen on the counter and dashed off a quick thank-you note to Kiba. Evidently Ino was done talking to me because she didn’t say a single additional thing to me or bother to respond to my good-bye as I left the shop.

But the more I tried to forget that conversation in the flower shop, the more I kept seeing Ino’s frightened face telling me not to do it. I had a bad problem of loving doing what people told me not to do. And Ino’s fear of Ibiki excited me more. Neji, ha! Next to Ibiki, Neji seemed a pretty little boy obsessed with his own hair. He was two years older than me, but it was hard to think of him as older. I wasn’t going to waste my time on him; I was going to go for the best. When had I ever settled for less than I could get? Ok, tons of times. But a girl should have high standards. Hell, I might not ever be able to get Ibiki to sleep with me. I shivered thinking of how truly humiliating and painful it would be to chase after Ibiki year after year, starved for sex, denied any outlet for my needs. I licked my lips and felt my breathing start to quicken. I was getting hot just thinking about not getting any—damn, I was messed up.

More visions of Ibiki seemed to just pop up in my head. I bit my lip and checked my watch. Yup, I had time to go back to my apartment and deal with my sudden pressing need to masturbate. When I felt my panties getting damp, I decided to run back. I’d always been the impatient type, and I decided might as well give into impulses now because I was sure I had a lot of frustration, pain, and oh, my, possible even torture, in my future. That is after I had a few orgasms this morning, of course. Oh god, I hope Ibiki doesn’t forbid masturbation, I thought, now that would really be torture . . .

*****