Breaking Apart

Breaking Apart

Warnings: DARK, TWISTED FIC. RAPE. MORBIDITY. Yaoi. I am writing this as a stress reliever. It is twisted and morbid with disturbing images. Some have described this fic as gross. I do not have a beta, so this is unbetaed- read at your own risk.


Chapter One: In the Beginning

‘Naruto’s thoughts’
“…” = Talking


I sit in the middle of the room crying and rocking back and forth with the pain of my shattered dreams. I can still hear our screams for mercy. I can still hear his words of warning. “I don’t care what you want, baby,” Sasuke said kneeling in front of me lifting my face to meet his with a soft bloody hand, “I will destroy anyone who tries to take you from me. You are mine, don’t you forget it.”


****Previously****

I could sense the moment he left my apartment. I shiver uncontrollably at what I am about to do as I put my clothes on quickly so I can follow him. Sasuke thinks I do not know that he leaves me at night. He thinks I am completely at rest when he leaves. Well, after 4 years of hiding my acute awareness of my surroundings, I am very good at playing dead. ‘I was almost dead after all. I should know how to recreate it.’

I get up quietly so as not to disturb the air around me. I know even the slightest hint of movement will alert Sasuke that I am up and following him. But my stealth skills have improved. I know how to exist and leave undisturbed the world around me. That is how I have survived these last 4 years. No one knows the extent to which I, the Naruto of the fake smile, died in that dungeon. ‘Not even Sasuke suspects how much I have changed.’

Now Sasuke wants to treat me like I am made of glass. To be honest, I was aware when Sasuke came for me in that prison cell. I saw him, but I didn’t care. I saw his anger, but worse of all, I saw his desire. ‘He can’t fool me with his caring talk. He may care for me know, but he did not care for me then.’ When he moved to pick me up, he didn’t pick me up with care. He snatched me off the ground so roughly I gave the slightest of whimpers. I thought I was long past whimpers of pain. But my skin was stuck to the stone floor by dried blood and cum so that when he picked me up he ripped skin off of my legs and ass. I remember his eyes turning to me, and me mentally kicking myself for almost letting him know I was still alive. I played dead again though, and he quickly lost interest.

I thought at the time that I could make myself brain dead out of sheer will. Who cares what happened to my body as long as I was no longer aware of it? But Sasuke came before I could kill myself mentally. And he brought me more pain. That is what Sasuke is; he is a bringer of pain. I learned that lesson the hard way. Orochimaru would never have been able to capture me if I wasn’t searching for Sasuke to bring him home. ‘Me and my stupid ass promises,’ I think bitterly to myself as Sasuke emerges from the forest and heads towards the Aburame compound.

I slowly halt my approach. The compound is surrounded by wooded area, but there is a clearing of woods that has no hiding places. I will have to wait for Sasuke to enter into the compound before I follow him or else he will surely see me.

I am not sure how Sasuke is hurting me right now, but I know he is. I watch him closely everyday looking for clues. Looking for cracks in his ‘knight in shining armor’ outward front. I know that he is lying to me somehow. I don't know how, but I am determined to find out. I can’t help but shiver in fear. As much as I trust Sasuke, I also trust Sasuke to be what he is- a bringer of pain. I can’t help but fear him. I do not know to what extent I am in danger. There are several times when I have caught a maniacal glint in his eye, like he had fallen into madness somehow. I have seen his lust for me turn terrible when he thinks I am not looking. But I am looking. I am always looking. I ended up in the clutches of Orochimaru by missing too much and that would never happen again.

That is why I am out here following him. That is why I need to know what these night visits are about. That is why I cannot give myself to him until I know how far I trust him to hurt me. And he will get his chance to hurt me. Because no matter how much I would like to change it, I want Sasuke. He saved me, no matter his motives. He cared for me as no one else has. I think he loves me, though he would never say it. I think I might love him, though I would never admit it. It is enough that I want him and he wants me. But I refuse to jump into a sexual relationship with him without knowing what he will do to me. Tonight, I almost didn't think I could turn him away. He has become harder to resist, harder to say “no” to. But, I cannot give into him until I know what he is, what I am to him.

‘Discovering the secret of these midnight trips is key,’ I explain to myself as I gather the courage to move forward. ‘Maybe tomorrow night I will let him fuck me like he wants to.’ I shiver in response to that thought with fear and desire. ‘Hell, I want him. Badly.’ With every step I half expect Shino to walk outside to meet me. He has to know that I am here. He is one ninja where stealth alone cannot fool. There are bugs everywhere. His spies are everywhere.

As I near the house I sense the absence of Sasuke’s chakra. A little skill that Kyuubi taught me. When a nin masks his or her chakra, the chakra doesn’t go away, it is only camaflouged. One can be trained to recognize camouflaged chakra. And I have made a point of being able to recognize Sasuke’s.

He is not very far from the entrance. In fact, I am standing very close to a window that looks onto the room he is in. I bend underneath the window hoping to hear what is going on without having to look. With my hearing I should be able to hear what they are saying. ‘Why is Sasuke meeting with Shino of all people?’

I strain to hear, but I hear nothing. ‘They must have soundproofed the room.’ I rise slowly, praying that neither of them is facing the window. From their chakra signals, I don't think they are, but they are so close together I cannot be certain. As I rise to look into the window the first sight I see makes me tense up with shock.

Shino is tied to a beam on the ceiling while Sasuke is holding him up and sucking his dick. Shino’s arms are entangled in chakra-induced ropes that look to be pulling his arms out of his sockets. And though he is facing the window, he cannot see me because his eyes are tightly closed. His face is contorted with both pain and pleasure. I can feel the blood rushing to my head as my face heats up. ‘Sasuke is having sex with Shino’, I think to myself incredulously. ‘This is not supposed to happen. This is not supposed to happen,’ I chant to myself. I don’t know what I expected. But I did not expect this.

As I watch Sasuke’s broad back flex with the effort to hold up Shino so he had better access to his cock, it began to sink in what was happening. I thought he was cheating on me, but with Shino. ‘He is cheating on me with Shino… Shino stops by everyday. We play games, we train, we laugh…’ All this time he’s been fucking Sasuke. That means that Shino never came to see me he came to see Sasuke. ‘How stupid of me?’ Why would Shino come to see me anyway? It is not like we were ever close friends. ‘My God, what a fucking idiot I have been!’ I almost cry with remorse, ‘When will I learn to see underneath the underneath.’ My fear of Sasuke triples as I realize I do not know Sasuke at all!

I carefully sit back down as my mind reels from this new found knowledge. Now that I think about it I have had many random friends recently. First, Shikamaru, then Neji, then Genma, even Kakashi has spent time with me. I can’t even remember all of the passing shinobi that have befriended me for a time and moved on. ‘Did Sasuke sleep with all of them?’ I ask myself with growing hysteria. ‘Did Sasuke sleep with Kakashi!?’ My head starts spinning from all the implications. ‘Calm down,’ I tell myself. ‘I can’t be certain. I really have nothing to go on.’ All I really know is that Sasuke is having an affair with Shino.

I sit there for a long time trying to gather my thoughts. Soon I raise myself to look in the window again. This time Shino is down on all fours while Sasuke is fucking him from behind. I watch Sasuke’s muscles bunch up as he thrusts into Shino. His body is… But it is the look on Sasuke’s face that breaks me. The look of ecstasy that I thought was only for me. I have been coaxed a few times to give Sasuke blowjobs. He loves them, and I love the look on his face. The same look that is on his face right now. ‘I guess one hole is as good as another,’ I think in a flash of anger. The flash doesn’t last long before the devastation comes back.

As I feel the tears well up, I realize I was not prepared for this. I thought I was prepared. I thought I was prepared for what I would find. But I wasn’t. ‘How stupid of me?’ I focus on the couple fucking in front of me. Sasuke still has his eyes closed and his face twisted in pleasure. Shino, however, is looking straight at me with a smirk on his lips.

I can physically feel the weight of his mocking gaze. ‘Hurting me. Shino is trying to hurt me. Why? What have I ever done to you?’ I ask him with my eyes. With that he closes his eyes and begins to stroke his cock in accordance with Sasuke’s thrusts. I watch as Sasuke looks down at Shino and forcibly removes his hand as he possessively starts to bring Shino off himself. To watch Sasuke possessive of someone else, breaks me in ways I did not know I could be broken. No matter how scared of Sasuke I have become, he has always been mine. He has always wanted to possess me. But now I am looking at his desire to possess another.

Sasuke needs to only look up to see me staring in the window. Half of me wants him to see me, the other half fears what he will do if he does. Shino looks back at me with a possessive smirk. I can sense him telling me that Sasuke was his lover, not mine. I back away from the window, as I watch Shino close his eyes and cum with a mute shout. Some of his cum dripping down Sasuke’s hand and some of it shooting to the floor.

I am watching them in shock at this point, until Sasuke’s face begins to contort in ways that say he is about to cum. As his face clenches in pleasure, I can tell he has finally cum. His body shudders, his balance tips a bit as he pulls out and begins to jack off. His cum splashing all over Shino’s back until Shino turns around to suck on the head of Sasuke’s dick. Sasuke’s head falls back in response. The entire scene was ripping my heart out. But most of all, it is the small smile on Sasuke’s lips as he bends down to tenderly kiss Shino, that destroys me. The caring I see in his face. The acceptance of Shino. ‘He has never looked at me like that.’

‘I can’t watch anymore,’ I think to myself brokenly. I run off, masking my chakra. My heartbreaking with every step. ‘I must get back home quickly. I am not ready to face Sasuke.’ As I arrive at home, I scatter my clothes on the floor as if I’d never left. I know for a fact that he will not be back for another hour or so. So I took that time to think about what I’d seen.

"Sasuke," I moan to myself. I finally allow myself to cry as all that is broken within me comes to the surface. ‘I thought I could handle this.’ It is not as if I didn’t think he was having an affair. I knew he was. But I thought maybe with Sakura or Neji. Not Shino. ‘Not Shino.’ He knew I was there. He knew I was watching him being fucked- no, being made love to by my boyfriend.

My tears double as I realized I just saw Sasuke and his lover. I am not his lover. Shino is. Shino is the one that Sasuke cares for, that he might even love. Shino is the one that Sasuke wants. No matter how wary I am of Sasuke, I was not prepared to be left so completely out in the cold. ‘My hero, huh?’ I give a watery snort full of misery. ‘I hate him. I hate him.’

I sense Sasuke’s chakra approaching and frantically try to dry my eyes. ‘He’s back so early.’ The cold fingers of fear run up my back. ‘What if he knows I was out there? What if he knows that I saw him?’ I freeze for a second and then try to calm myself. ‘I am at home now. I don’t think he saw me. He would have stopped. Wouldn’t he have stopped?’ There was no comfort to be had in my thoughts so I shut them down. ‘Whatever happens, happens,’ I whisper to myself.

I feel rather than see Sasuke enter the room.

“Naruto,” he whispers gently. For some reason his voice makes my tears fall again. His whispers are silk covered baritone. I used to love the way his voice caresses me in our intimate moments. I have always been charmed by his bedroom voice. ‘But this probably isn’t his bedroom voice,’ I remind myself. ‘This is just how he talks to me. I am not his lover, I have no idea what his real bedroom voice would sound like,’ I think bitterly.

“Naruto. Dobe, are you still up?” he asks drawing nearer to the bed, but not close.

“I had a bad dream,” I say in a small voice. I have learned to lie efficiently to mask my feelings all my life. It has turned out to be a valuable skill.

“Aw, baby,” Sasuke says in a rush, “I’ll take care of you. First, let me shower, I’ve been out training. You always sleep better when I am with you, right?”

I can barely choke back my sobs. But I manage to nod my head, not trusting myself to speak. ‘That lying, bastard! Man, what an idiot I have been!’ I knew Sasuke was hurting me. I just didn’t know how much the details mattered in terms of how much I would hurt.

As I hear the shower going and listen to Sasuke wash off the remnants of his affair with Shino, I wonder how I am going to handle it when he comes and lies down with me. ‘Will I scream at him? Will I freeze up? Will I give away how I feel about him right now? How do I feel about him right now?’

I hear the shower turn off. ‘That was quick,’ I think in a panic. ‘I haven’t had enough time to prepare.’ I watch him as he walks out of the bathroom nude and slightly dripping. He is toweling his hair dry as my eyes drift over his body. I take in his 8-pack stomach and his broad shoulders. Over the years Sasuke had grown to be well over 6 feet tall. ‘I bet that made the high beam blowjob easier,’ I think cynically and hysterically to myself. I stopped growing around 6’0. Sasuke is a good two to three inches taller than me.

His legs are slightly apart now as he moves to brush his hair out. He grew his hair out while he was in the Sound. Now, he tied it back at the base of his neck. It made him look more like Itachi without the evil eye lines. Again, I let my eyes sweep down his body. Taking in his pale skin and smooth muscles, letting my eyes trail slower across his cock. He is a beautiful man; well-proportioned, muscular legs toped with a one of the most gorgeous cocks I have ever seen. Everything about him is beautiful. I watched his dick twitch as my eyes race up to his.

I can see the smirk on his face from across the dark room. “Let me know when you’re done,” he says softly with a gentle smile, “I can stand here all night if you want me to.”

I can’t help but feel desire for him. No matter how hurt I am, he can always make me feel for him in some way.

“I’m done, teme,” I say with a sigh as I turn over in the bed to make room for him.

Without pausing to put on boxers, Sasuke climbs into bed and wraps his arms around me.

I don’t know if it was the shock of seeing him with Shino or the smirk on Shino’s face when he claimed his place as Sasuke’s lover. Maybe it was the hurt I had not anticipated feeling over seeing the look of ecstasy on Sasuke’s face or the tenderness with which he handled Shino. No matter what it was, I could not stop myself from crying again in earnest.

Sasuke’s whispered words of comfort were meant to calm me, but the more he whispered the worse my sobs became. ‘He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t want me.’ I chant to myself over and over again.

I feel Sasuke’s arms tighten around me as he coos in my ear, “I’ve got you, Naruto. No one will hurt you while I am here.”

The more he speaks, the more I break apart. The more I break apart, the more I hurt. The more I hurt, the harder I cry. This continues until I feel my heart rend itself apart. ‘I have to get away from him. I can’t stay with him after this.’ With that revelation, I feel my sobs begin to have less and less force. Still hurt, but understanding more of what I need to make myself better later, I start to calm down.

As I calm down, I hear Sasuke say, “Don’t worry. I will never let anything happen to you. I will never let you go.”

With that I close my eyes, hoping to escape this nightmare. Feeling drained from seeing Sasuke and Shino and my seemingly never-ending tears, I think softly to myself, ‘that’s what I am afraid of, Sasuke. That is what I am afraid of.’

-TBC-

Next Chapter: Naruto has a talk with Shino.

Thank you to all the reviewers!!! You made me want to get this fic out that much earlier!

Stacy - It is a very dark, very morbid fic. I am glad you like it.

Nusku - Gross, indeed. Muhahaha

Ursweetheartless - He is insane isn't he. We like him this way, yes? ;-)

Kai_mono - Wicked..hmm. I like wicked. Wicked works for me! :-)