Hollow Sky

Finally Naruto was back home. “I’m home!” he announced and chuckled desperately ‘What am I doing?! I know very well that no one would answer me…’

He kicked off his shoes and went straight to his PC and switched it on. While the PC was booting up, Naruto went to the bathroom. His eyes locked on the cutter immediately. He regarded the sharp blade almost lovingly when he heard his PC was ready. Pulled out of his thoughts, he went back to his Computer. It would be a good idea to distract him from thinking, so he checked his emails.
“Spam, spam, spam.” He muttered while deleting offers for him to try penis enlargement pills, Viagra, take a look at some ‘hot’ webcams, and the typical “Hey buddy, do you believe in god? If so, then you’ll love this website!” emails. Not only were the subjects written with unbelievable typos but he knew that god surely won’t give a fuck about some porn site. “Hm?” his eyes fell upon an email from Sai, surely it would be some perverted stuff. The last email he received from Sai contained a video link in which one could see several vibrators dancing (actually they vibrated) like some Hawaii girls.

Naruto shuddered. There’s wasn’t any doubt that Sai’s sense of humour was sick.
However Naruto was curious, so he opened the email reading “Dude, have fun!” He found that Sai sent him a link to a website… again.

Preparing himself mentally for some penises, vibrators or whatsoever, he clicked on the link. The young boy was quite astonished when he saw that it was only a personality test. ‘Oh well. As long as it distracts me I’m fine with it.’ And so he started answering the questions.

‘The dobe has acted weird for a few days already and I’ll be doomed if I can’t find out the reason why.’ I thought while following the blonde idiot. He was heading home, so I was looking around for a spot where I could watch him and found that one of his windows is open.

I climbed in through the open window and saw him in front of his PC, focused on the monitor. I was curious so I approached him quietly. I didn’t want him to close the site unless I’ve seen it. ‘What is so interesting that you’re almost glued to the monitor?’ I wondered and peeked over his shoulder. ‘Huh? Now that is indeed really interesting.’ He was taking a test, however, he was hesitating to answer a certain question which read ‘How often do you masturbate?’ I assume he was so shocked that he didn’t even notice me.

I leaned in closer to him and whispered something into his right ear “So… How often do you masturbate?” That seemed to shock him even more because he started to scream as if I had stabbed him. He nearly felt off the chair in an attempt to hide from me.

“SA… SASUKE!!! BASTARD! ASSHOLE! JACKASS!! NEVER – I REPEAT – NEVER EVER SHOCK ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!” He yelled at me as loud as he could (and he can shout DAMN loud!!!)

Smothering my ears, I waited for this ‘PPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE’ tone to quieten.

“I might have become deaf, you know dobe?!” I growled at him. “Serves you right, bastard! You came in without my permission, shocked me almost to death and whispered perverted things into my ear! BASTARD!!!” He growled back at me. ‘Fine, dobe. I see, you want to play that way.’

I thought about ways to tease him a little more. ‘Masturbation, hn?’ I chuckled inwardly as I recognized the perfect way to tease him.

“I only wanted to see what you were staring at. Really, you looked like you were glued to this thing,” I pointed to the monitor before I continued “As if a dobe like you knew how to masturbate” I prayed to god that he would react the way I wanted him to.

“I do know how to masturbate!” He pouted and blushed at the same time. Oh damn, HOW CUTE!!! I thanked god that the idiot reacted the way I hoped. He was now in my trap and I knew how to manage things.

“Prove it.” I smirked evilly at him and he blushed even more. “I… I…” he stuttered “I will!”

Oh yes! I would have danced happily around by now if I wouldn’t have to keep up my reputation of being stoic. “But not now!” he continued and pulled me out of my mentally happy dance. “Hn?” was all I could repeat.

“I want to go to Ichiraku’s and eat Ramen and I don’t want you to stay in my apartment while I’m gone, so leave already…” he paused “… unless you want to treat me to Ramen.” He smirked at me. ‘Hm. Actually that turns out to be even more interesting. Treating Naruto to Ramen is just like a rendezvous, isn’t it?’ “Sure.” I stated simply “Let’s call it a date.”

No way! How did I end up in this situation?! I was horrified by the questions about my sexual preferences and how often I masturbate. How is that supposed to tell me anything about my personality?! I mean, those questions would only be interesting if I were nymphomaniac or a priest… or both. Like, “Oh, you masturbate 250 times a week, so you must be lazy and stupid.” As if! Come on, it’s hard work to masturbate that often. Think about your hand! You would be able to lift a truck with a truck on it afterwards, just like Superman. Does that mean Superman started his career by masturbating 24/7?

That might be true. If his muscles were only tissues he put in his pyjama (somehow it looks like one) and his only strength were in his hands, then…

Huh? What’s that?! Did someone just whisper into my ear? Yeah, that’s true. It’s him! The bastard’s return! How the fuck did he get in here? I found myself screaming like a girl. He really shocked me!

Damn bastard! He only came to tease me, I assume.

But he surely went overboard when he said that I don’t know how to masturbate! It’s none of his business whether I know how to masturbate. However I told him that I do know how to masturbate. By his smirk I recognized that I did a mistake. Fuck! He teased me even more when he said that I should prove it. My blood boiled when he said that. And still I heard myself saying that I would do so. Argh! I should really learn how to say no. I have to get rid of him otherwise I’ll end up showing him how I masturbate. Excuse, excuse! I need an excuse to get rid of him. RAMEN! Ramen! That’s a good one. No one would doubt that excuse out of my mouth. I patted myself mentally for this sly excuse but in the next second I was brought back to earth.

Wai- Wait a second!!!

Did he really just suggest a date? ‘A date with the Uchiha-bastard?! What the fuck?!’ I scream mentally and in the next minute I felt like I was hit by a piano, an elephant, and several other heavy things.

I felt myself slumping to the ground, either because all those heavy things I imagined lying on top of me or my defeat.

Yes, he defeated me… again. Oh, I hate to admit that. There’s no way I can get rid of him now. I can’t deal with him. Not in that mood, at least.

Of course, I had other plans for tonight and neither one of them consisted of Sasuke or a date.

So there’s only one thing I can do now. “Wait here bastard! I have to go to bathroom before we leave” and with that I headed towards the bathroom.